Transcription
In this video, we're going to talk about the seven habits that make you a harder target. Most criminals are not looking for the strongest person in the parking lot. They're looking for that distracted person, the isolated person, the hesitant person, the person who doesn't want to be rude and the person who waits too long to act.
In this video, I'll give you seven simple habits that make you a harder target without making you paranoid. As a father, especially as a father of daughters, I think about this differently. I don't want my daughters walking through life scared. I want them to walk through life confident, aware, and prepared. So, that is the goal here, folks. Let's get into it.
Habit number one, keep your head up in transitional spaces. Those in between spots where you're physically and mentally between locations. So, some examples, walking from a store to your car or from the car to the store, leaving work when you're at a gas station pumping gas in parking garages, apartment hallways, hotel hallways, driveways, ATMs. In your mind, you're already somewhere else. We've done a video specifically on transitional spaces. So, you're already thinking about mentally where you need to go next. So, you're not thinking about looking around. You're not thinking about where are my keys? Where's my pepper gel or pepper spray? So before entering a parking lot, a garage, or a walkway, pause for two seconds and just look around and just ask yourself some simple questions like, "Who's near my vehicle?" Hopefully no one, right? Is anyone lingering without a clear purpose? Whether it's the parking lot or hallway, wherever you are. Is someone matching my pace? So someone might be to the side or slightly back, but they're matching your pace. Is there a vehicle nearby occupied? So, we talked about this before. If you have to walk past a vehicle that has one or more people inside, maybe you want to go a different aisle to stay away from that vehicle. Do I have a clear route back inside or to a safer area? For women, especially walking alone, this habit matters because predators often look for distraction, isolation, and hesitation. So, looking aware can make you less attractive as a target. You don't need to stare anybody down. You just need to look like you're paying attention.
Habit number two, prepare before you move. You don't want to wait till you're exposed to get organized or ready before leaving the store, restaurant, your office, the gym, a friend's house. Have your keys ready. Put your phone away. Have it close by or accessible for emergency use, of course, but not in your hand, not looking at the screen, not watching a video. Your purse or your bag should be secured. If you have a child with you, you know, you might want to be holding their hand to direct them. Have your pepper gel or pepper spray accessible. So, you may want to have it in your hand depending on where you are. And have your vehicle location already identified. So, know, okay, I know where my vehicle is. It's second row, right near that sign. This is one that I teach my daughters from a father's perspective because I don't want them standing in a parking lot digging through a purse or their pockets looking down unaware of who's walking up behind them. I also teach them to recognize people sitting in cars, especially cars that they need to walk by or near that are parked next to or close to their car or enter the from the passenger side if there's a truck or a van parked near your car. Here's a practical habit. you can use what I call the threshold check. So before you cross that threshold, and by threshold I mean from safe interior space like a store or your office to an exterior public space which is an an unknown. Ask yourself, am I ready to move with purpose? If you carry pepper spray or pepper gel, it does not help if it's buried at the bottom of a purse or a bag or if it's clipped somewhere that you can't reach under stress. So, think about that.
Habit number three, trust the early warning. People often talk themselves out of what they notice. Someone changes direction when you do, right? So, you're walking to your car and you see someone notices you and all of a sudden now they're heading towards you or in your direction. Someone appears to be watching instead of shopping. Someone asks for help in a strange location. Someone ignores normal boundaries. That's a big red flag to me. Someone's invading your space or they're about to invade your space. Someone keeps closing distance after you create space. So, you step back or to the side, you put a hand up, but yet they keep approaching. A person or vehicle that seems out of place for the environment. So, for example, a car that's parked kind of like on an angle or not in a spot with someone inside that's maybe they're watching or a car that's circling slowly rather than just parking in a spot. Now, remember that every anomaly is not danger, but every anomaly is information that you should pay attention to because it could be. A lot of women have been conditioned to be polite, helpful, and not quote make a scene. That conditioning can be dangerous when someone is testing boundaries as we've talked about. So when something feels off, don't debate it for five minutes and try to rationalize and figure out why am I uncomfortable with this? Change your position. So cross the aisle, turn around, go back inside, call someone, move toward people, get your keys and your tools ready. Verbally set a boundary.
Habit number four, use distance like a safety tool. We've said this before that distance is your friend because distance buys time, options, and reaction. So, in law enforcement and defensive shooting, we talk about that reactionary gap and how it takes your brain time to recognize a threat, decide to act, and then actually physically respond to that threat. The more distance you have, generally, the more time and options are available to you. So whether you carry a firearm, pepper gel, a flashlight with that strobe function we've talked about, a personal alarm, or nothing at all, distance is your friend. If someone is already close enough to grab you, touch you, block you, or rush you, your options really do shrink quickly. Here's a practical habit. Think about maintaining that reactionary gap. So, when someone approaches asking for money, when a stranger asks for directions, when someone tries to hand you something, someone walks up while you're loading your groceries, a person approaches your car window, someone steps into your personal space. So, keep these boundary command examples in mind, stop right there. I can't help you. Back up. Don't come any closer. No, stay where you are. Don't let politeness pull you into arms reach. You don't want to be too close. And a lot of predators use that inquiry or that question or can I can you help me? Excuse me. Can I ask you a question? I just need help with something. I have a little problem to get closer to you. And if you can't hear them and they're talking softly, then that's going to give them a reason to get closer to you so you can hear them. This is especially important for women who feel pressure to soften the commands into questions. Right? So instead of saying, "Could you please back up?" Say, "Back up." You're not being rude, folks. You're being clear.
Habit number five, carry less lethal tools that you can actually access. So keep this in mind, folks. The tools are only useful if they're legal, accessible, practiced, and appropriate for the situation. Here are some great Saber products, pepper spray, and pepper gel. They come in many different forms. I'll put a link in the description to check out some of this stuff. They really have some great stuff and a lot of different options. And if you use DC15 code that you see on the screen and also in the description, you get 15% off. So, they even have pepper spray that looks like lipstick that you can put in a purse if you're trying to be incognito with the pepper spray. They also have keychain options. And here's something important, folks. They sell practice pepper spray. I highly recommend that you some of the products that you buy come with these, but I highly recommend that you get some practice device that you can actually practice accessing it and deploying it and spraying it. So, when you get the practice pepper spray, you can actually go out in your yard and just practice hitting a target. Also, consider a flashlight. We've talked about flashlights with that strobe function that cause that momentary blindness or that pause in combat where you can get away or go for another device if you need to, like a concealed carry. There are also personal alarms that you can use to set off loud noises. Some of these pepper gel options come with whistles, keychain, and a whistle. Here's an important point. These tools are not magic solutions. They're part of the plan, but they're not the whole plan. So, peppered gel buried in a purse or a bag is not a self-defense tool. So, here's a practical habit, folks. Pick one of the items that you carry, whatever it might be. Decide where you're going to carry it and how you're going to access it. You're going to need to practice that. How you grip it, right? There's a proper way to grip it depending on the device. What command are you going to give first? If you're going to give any, because depending on the situation, you may not even have a chance to give a command, but you may have the opportunity to give a command. How you move after using it. These devices are not for winning a fight. The goal is to pause or stop the action so you can get away. So, you need to practice how you would move after using it or deploying it and when you would call 911. For my daughters, I want tools that help create distance and escape. Again, the goal is not to win a fight. The goal is to get away and get help. That should be your mentality.
Habit number six, stop being polite when safety is on the line. So, predators often use politeness against good people. And we've talked about this before in other videos, like in the parking lot. They walk up and they say things like, "Can you help me with something? Can you come here for a second? Can I ask you a question? And then they might turn try to turn it back on you and say, "Why are you being rude? I just need directions." Or, "You dropped something." Or, "I'm not going to hurt you. I just wanted some help." Most legitimate people will respect a clear boundary. Predatory or manipulative people really often challenge it. Right? That's the difference. So, I would recommend using one clear command and then move. You could say no or I can't help you or stay back if they keep approaching or don't follow me or I said no. A lot of good women have been taught to be kind, accommodating, and non-confrontational. Of course, these are really good qualities in the right time and place. But my opinion, folks, is that when someone is invading your space, they're following you, they're cornering you, they're ignoring your no, you are not required to protect someone else's feelings at the expense of your safety.
And last but not least, habit number seven, have a simple exit plan everywhere you go. For example, at a restaurant, ask yourself, where is the main exit? Where is the side exit? Can I see the entrance? Am I trapped in a booth? Do I have anywhere to go? Where is cover or concealment? So, remember that cover is something that will most likely stop a bullet, whereas concealment just merely hides you. You want cover if you can have it, of course, but you'll take concealment if that's the only thing available. So, when you're at a store, think to yourself, where can I move if someone makes me feel uncomfortable? Is there staff nearby? Can I return inside instead of continuing to my car? At a gas station, think to yourself, can I leave quickly? Is my car unlocked while I'm distracted? Who's approaching from the pump area? So, while you're pumping gas, I would stand so you can see anyone approaching and be able to quickly shut that down if they want to invade your personal space. Whether you use a self-defense device or your hand or if you have to use the gas nozzle and the gasoline to keep them away, then you do what you need to do. When you're at home, think, are your doors locked? Is the exterior lighting working outside? Does my family know what to do if someone knocks unexpectedly? This is especially important if you have kids. This is not about making your kids afraid. It's about giving them calm mental rehearsals so they're not trying to invent a plan when they're under stress. Just remember that when things start happening, if you already know where the exit is, you're way ahead.
So, let me pause here for a second, folks, because I think this is where some people misunderstand personal safety, or at least my perspective of personal safety. It's not about treating every stranger like a criminal. And I've seen comments where people say, you know, that's you're not being nice. It's not about that. We we've said in other videos before that most people are not a threat and not all anomalies are dangerous. But your safety plan can't depend on everyone else having good intentions. In a perfect world, we would assume that everyone has good intentions. But unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world. And your safety plan cannot depend on everyone else having good intentions. Remember that good people respect boundaries, dangerous people test them. That's the difference.
Here's a quick recap of your seven habits. Number one, keep your head up in transitional spaces. Number two, prepare before you move. Number three, trust the early warning that your gut is telling you. Number four, use distance like a safety tool. Number five, carry less lethal tools you can actually access. Number six, stop being polite when safety is on the line. And number seven, have a simple exit plan wherever you go. You don't need to live scared, folks. You don't need to assume everyone is dangerous, but you should move through the world with confidence, awareness, and a plan. That's what makes you a harder target. Thanks for watching. Take care and stay safe.