Transcription
For the longest time, I thought being attractive was all about the way that you looked, how charming you were, saying the right things, or just being born looking like a Victoria Secret model. But what if I told you that being the most attractive version of yourself does not require any of those things? What I eventually learned is that magnetic behavior is completely counterintuitive. At first, when you do these tips I'm about to share with you, they may seem a little strange, a little odd. But once you start noticing that people are treating you differently, seeing you differently, you will not be able to unsee the power within each of these tips I'm about to share.
Hi, my name is Jasm, and on this channel, we talk all about becoming the woman of your dreams, and building a life that you absolutely love. And this took me years observing people, testing different things that worked and didn't work, and finally connecting the dots to see the patterns of what actually helped. And today I'm going to be breaking this down for you. These are six micro habits to become instantly attractive that seem so strange until you realize how powerful they are. I've also included chapters for this video so you can skip around. You can also find the timestamps in the description below. And if you are somebody who's ready to do the real work, I'm not just talking about watching these videos but actually transforming. I provide worksheets for every single one of my videos. In these worksheets, I provide in-depth journaling prompts as well as practical exercises to help you start removing your limiting beliefs and to write out an action plan so you can start living out as your highest self today. The link to access these worksheets are down in the description below. Now, let's dive into the video.
The very first micro habit is to walk away at the peak of a conversation. Most people feel obligated to stay in a conversation until it fizzles out, until it starts getting a little awkward, until it gets to the point where you guys just don't have much to say to each other. The problem with this is that attractive people do not overextend themselves to be liked. Because what most attractive people feel is that their time and their presence is valuable. And that means that they'll do anything to protect it. So what do attractive people do? They leave a conversation on a high note. This moment is really magical and I know that initially you're going to be like, I have so many more things to say. I love this person. What happens is that there is magic and power when you leave a conversation like that. And it actually works psychologically.
The very first thing is that scarcity creates value. People naturally want more of what is rare and finite. So if they do see that you are busy all the time, but when you make time to speak with them, it makes them feel special. The second psychological principle is the zygarnic effect. What this means is that we often remember unfinished stories rather than completed ones. Our brains deeply desire closure. So, especially if you're having a great time with somebody and you're like, "Oh my gosh, my time is running up and I need to go, but it was so lovely chatting with you." And what happens is that they will not be able to stop thinking about you. By leaving before the conversation runs dry, you create anticipation and they'll think about you after you're gone and they will most likely reach out and want to make plans with you.
So, what even is the peak? How do you know if you're reaching a peak with somebody? This could be a moment where you deeply intuitively feel that you guys are sharing a very special moment together. You guys are sharing a laugh. You guys are sharing some stories and the other person is actually leaning in and starting to engage. Your energy feels high and they're just excited chatting with you. So, how do you make your exit stick? If you guys are in the midst of a conversation and you do need to leave, just say, "That reminds me of something really wild that happened last time, but let me tell you next time I see you." When you say this, it sounds like you're open to an invitation. It does sound like you want to see them again. You can apply this with new friends or networking events, even during dates. A really quick tip if you're going on dates is that for every first date, just schedule it for an hour. Cuz an hour is enough for you to really get the vibe of whether this person is someone you want to move forward with. And you want to make sure you cap it at an hour whether it's going well or not. If it went well, leave on a high note because you guys will have more to talk about on the second date. Because the energy was so high. This creates anticipation and it actually allows the other person to think of you more and they're going to feel really excited to see you again. But at the same time, an hour isn't that long. So if your date is not going well, you can just make a run for it. The goal here isn't to try to be mysterious, and that's not really the aim when it comes to attraction. But it's about leaving things on a high note so people remember you on a deeper level that you're connecting deeper the next time you guys hang out. If you do this right, they won't be able to stop thinking about you.
The second micro habit is to stay quiet when others expect you to retaliate. When someone talks about you, disrespects you, and I'm talking about petty gossip, or really in-your-face insults, we all have a knee-jerk reaction to either cry on the spot or to spit back in their face. We feel like we need to defend ourselves or prove that we're not guilty. But there is nothing more powerful and nothing more sexy than someone who stays completely calm and quiet because they know their worth. People who start fights and start insults, they want you to get riled up. They want you to get angry. And when you do feed into the game, they win because when they see you angry, they feel satisfied. So, they're going to be even angrier. When you show up as calm, cool, and collected, it shows that you trust yourself and that you respect yourself.
So, why does this work? If you're attractive, you don't need to go out there to prove that you're attractive. If you're innocent, you don't need to go out and prove that you're innocent. Why? Because you know you're already attractive. You know you're already innocent. The more that you try to prove that you're attractive, that you're innocent, the less people actually believe you. But the less you try, the more it rings true to you. Let's also explore the reactants theory. When people see you acting in a calm, collected way, even when there's pressure around you, they subconsciously see that you're more in control of the situation and yourself, which holds a lot of power. I really don't believe that shouting at somebody, shaming at somebody, even if you were right, is going to make a difference in the situation. And instead, it's going to make you look bad. When you're in the heat of the moment, when you're angry, frustrated, sad, when we allow our emotions to get us riled up and to say things we don't mean, we end up hurting other people. And it actually taints our own reputation. You can't regret words that you never said. And by being silent and allowing yourself to process the emotions first, process the triggers, and then speaking from your truth, that is the best and most productive way to approach conflict.
So, how do we pull this off gracefully? I'm sure that first instinct you want to defend yourself. You want to curse them off. You want to hurt them. I know that you want to protect yourself and your ego in every single way. And that's totally okay to have these emotions of anger, fear, shame, rush up. So use this opportunity to release all of these emotions by yourself in a pillow, screaming, crying, dancing, doing whatever you need to do to release that stuck energy. The second thing is to write in a journal and start venting out what exactly you are feeling that is making you triggered. Use very unfiltered language. And I want you to vent to your journal with all the curse words that you need to say, with all the anger, with all the sadness, with all this raw truth. And you want to be very truthful and honest with yourself when you're journaling because you're giving yourself the opportunity to share this on paper so you don't say the wrong thing to the person. The very third step is to let go. Let go of this person. Let go of the story. Let go of the narrative that has been blocking you from feeling love. You may feel this instinct to prove that you're worthy, to prove that you're right. But to let it all go entirely is another level of freedom. After you do all these three steps, you will gain more and more control over the situation. And that means if someone's yelling in your face, you will be able to see that them yelling at you, them saying all these horrible things at you has actually nothing to do with you, but it has more to do with themselves and how they perceive themselves. Because what they're trying to do is they're trying to make you feel guilty. But hurt people hurt people. Another reason why staying quiet is so effective is because the more someone talks smack about you, people are going to think she's crazy. Everyone will eventually side with the person that is more quiet, more sound, and more composed. Over time, your aggressor is going to look unhinged while you're over here looking dignified. And I know it's counterintuitive, but the less you try to protect your image, the more people will protect your image for you. Silence also creates scarcity. Not so much about time, but the amount of words that you speak. When you rarely speak in moments of conflict, when you do choose to speak, the words that you speak will carry 10 times the amount of weight. So the next time someone baits you into feeling bad or baits you into starting conflict, do not give them the satisfaction.
The third micro habit is to let yourself think and have people wait on your words. It is really common for people in meetings, hangouts, conversations to rush everything they say. It's almost as if they're afraid of silence. And when someone asks them a question, they feel this immediate need to share something, literally anything. But deep down, this fear is about fearing that people won't feel that they're prepared or fearing that it might get awkward if things go quiet. But here's the thing that I want you to consider. Instead of worrying about people thinking that you might be awkward or unprepared, what if the thing that you should start worrying about is whether you are carrying yourself with credibility and impact. In the next conversation you have, I want you to notice how many times you make deliberate pauses. Intentional silence actually creates more anticipation. When someone asks you a question and you give yourself a moment to think about the answer, people actually lean in more because they're waiting. And they're getting this steepened anticipation of what you're going to say and it actually allows your words to land with more weight.
So, why does this work so darn well? I want you to think about someone who is in a position of authority. This could be a politician. This could be a teacher. This could be a speaker. Someone that you hold a lot of respect to. It's because when they present themselves, when they give off that speech, when they're teaching, when they're upfront, and when they're talking to people, they talk with a slower voice. They speak slowly and intentionally, and it makes them sound more self assured. It makes them sound that whatever they say, you can trust what they say because they sound sure of themselves. It also shows depth. Especially if you are trying to cultivate a deeper connection with this person, it is important to think about what they're asking you. When you think deeply about your response, it shows that you care. And the reason why you're giving more thought to their question is because you want to build a meaningful connection here.
So, how do you produce this command pause? How do you get people leaning in to want to hear what you have to say? When you are asked a question, just take a deep breath and allow yourself to really let the question sink into your body. Keep your body language open and just allow yourself to ponder for a second. And then you can say phrases like, "That's a really good question." Or you can say, "Let me think about this question." What you're doing here is you're just giving yourself a moment to really reflect on what they're saying. When you rush your answer, the response that you're giving is going to feel very halfass. The fear of awkwardness or the fear that you're not competent enough is all a ploy and trying to sabotage you. While inside your head, the pause may seem long and a little awkward, but to everyone else, you're going to look like you have control over the conversation, and people are going to think that you're confident and powerful. When you own the tempo, you stop chasing the conversation, but you surrender to the flow of the conversation and just allow yourself to enjoy the moment.
The fourth micro habit is to admit that you are wrong. There is something unexpectedly attractive and magnetic when someone says, "You know, you're actually right." Most people grip onto their opinions like a life raft. They're not willing to give it up and they're not willing to budge on their stance. But the truly confident person may not necessarily see being wrong as a loss. But instead, they see it as a lesson, an opportunity to grow, to connect, and to earn someone's trust. So, the most attractive people are not people who are stubborn in their own ways and their own perspectives, but they're attractive because they're open-minded, because they're willing to hear your side, because they're willing to understand you.
So, why is this so darn effective when it comes to being more attractive? It's because number one, it's a win-win situation. They feel validated and you gain credibility and it makes the other person feel like they're making an impact. The second thing is that it builds trust. If you are willing to admit that you're wrong, people will believe you more when you say you're right. And the last thing is that it welcomes vulnerability. It lowers the defenses and it actually increases the intimacy and connection you have with the other person. And owning your mistakes is one of the most purest forms of vulnerability. While it may be fun for the ego to be able to protect yourself, you will come to realize that it creates a wall between you and the person that you're talking to. I'm sure we have all spoken to at least one person in our lives that has made us feel that our values, our beliefs, our perspectives weren't important and weren't true. There are probably people who demand to be right all the time. And it's usually a one-sided conversation. And it almost feels like you're talking to a wall. And often times they're the people that are the most difficult to hang out with.
When you are admitting that you're wrong, you can say things like, "I can see where you're coming from." Or, "I hadn't thought of it that way. That's a really good point." Or, "You've really given me something to think about." When you hear phrases like that, wouldn't you feel good? Wouldn't you feel like you have made an impact? Wouldn't you feel confident in what you have to offer to the world? Now, I'm not telling you to go against your beliefs, your values, and to be extremely agreeable because people pleasing is not attractive. But what I'm saying here is that even if you are talking to somebody who has very conflicting values and opinions, is to really speak to them with an open mind and to ask thought-provoking questions to help understand their point of view. Agree where you can, but don't feel obligated to agree everything that they say. Partial agreement is what creates that strong trust. It is a very rare trait nowadays for people to admit that they're wrong. But the paradox is the more willing you are to be wrong, the more right you'll seem in the eyes of others.
The fifth micro habit is to point out the elephant in the room. Most people avoid calling other people out for their bad behavior simply because they don't feel that they have the right to speak up for others. They'll probably laugh it off, change the subject, and pretend that it never happened. But one of the most magnetic things that you can do is to calmly address the situation when someone is being rude, when someone is being disrespectful. So, why is this so darn attractive? People genuinely admire you for protecting them because it shows that you care for them and you care that people are being respected. It amplifies your charisma when you defend others. And people remember things like this for a very long time. It also positions you as a leader. And by standing up for other people, it shows how people should respect you. You are teaching others how to treat you. So if you are not being treated respectfully, then you setting a boundary actually shows the level and the standard that people should speak to you at, the way that people should respect you entirely. The thing you want to be aware of is you do not want to approach the situation wanting to fight back or to make them feel guilty. But the key here is to stay as clear and intentional as possible. Be firm and assertive with what you have to say, but be clear in how you say it. Have steady body language and just show that you're self assured and you're calm. You're just here to really set a boundary.
So, what are some power moves that you can use in this scenario? The first thing you can do is to lead with a question. If you want to give them a chance to explain or correct their actions, you can ask, "Did you mean for that to sound that way?" The second thing is to address it once and drop it. Don't try to overexplain. The silence afterwards makes your stance land so much harder. And the third is to choose your moments. If you call out every single minor slip, it loses impact over time. Save it for when it actually matters.
The very last micro habit is to just let awkward moments be awkward. A lot of people panic as soon as the moment gets awkward. They tend to scramble to fill the silence with whatever they can think of, whether it's a question, a joke, or random comment. But the difference between awkward people and magnetic people is that magnetic people actually acknowledge and they're okay with silence and they're okay with things getting awkward. They hold their ground and they let the moment breathe. They're not crazy about needing the conversation to go a certain way or to want the other person to feel a certain way, but instead they're very grounded in the moment. And when things go silent, they're okay with that. They're comfortable with that. So the next time you're in a conversation, just allow the conversation to go quiet. You're not obligated to say things all the time. You're not obligated to entertain the other person constantly. When you are relaxed, when you are okay with being quiet, the other person will naturally feel more comfortable around you because we are all mirrors of each other. When you are calm, the other person can relax too.
And now we've reached the end of this video. I would love to know in the comments down below, what is your one hack that can make a person attractive? And if you are serious about transforming, you can check out my worksheets because I provide in-depth questions of all the things that we've covered in this video. And if you are currently on the journey of becoming the woman of your dreams, and building a life that you absolutely love, check out my channel because I make a ton of videos about relationships, money, career, about manifestation, literally all things high value women energy. If you love this video, you are going to for sure love my next video, 10 eloquence habits that make people respect you more. In that video, I provide internal and external practices and hacks that you can use to make yourself sound smarter and more articulate. Thank you so much for tuning all the way to the end. I love and appreciate you, and I hope to see you next week. Bye.