Fall 2025 - Somewhere Beyond the Sea - Part 10 - pages 298 - 331

Somewhere Beyond the Sea, Part 10. Chapter 13.

The children waited on the porch, most still dressed in their pajamas. Zoe stood behind them, the yellow flowers opening and closing in her hair, her concern evident. Kiap sat on the railing, eyes half closed, tail swishing over the side. Chanty waved, yelling, "Hey, hi. Good morning. Things exploded and we didn't do it. Isn't that crazy? The craziest," Lionus called. "We'll head on inside and Mr. Parnasses."

He turned his head to see Harriet Mabel Maw marching toward him, dust kicking up under her shoes. For once, she was Sans's clipboard, her hands in fists at her sides. David growled at her, a low rumble that cut off when Collip wound her way between his legs. He looked down at her in shock as she stretched up his one side, one of her claw paws touching his hip. "Shh," that paw said, "I say, Mr. Parnaces, I'm speaking to you." Arthur held up a hand toward Miss, toward her. "Miss Marblemma, I'll be with you after I've-"

"Was that you?" she demanded, stopping a good distance away from him, panting. "The fire, the sky. Was that you?"

"It was," Arthur said evenly. "Part of being a phoenix means releasing energy every now and then. And I did so safely away from everyone and everything. No one was hurt. Nothing was damaged."

"Tell that to the window," she said triumphantly, pointing her finger at the second floor. They all looked up to find the window intact, the glass free of smudges or streaks. "I saw it," she snapped. "I saw it with my own two eyes. Glass in the grass, shards that could pierce and stab. And I have proof," she reached into her pocket. When she pulled it out, she extended it toward Arthur and opened her hand. Upon her palm sat a gold and brown shell.

"That's not proof," Chanty said with sage-like wisdom. "That's a snail's house."

Miss Marblemma gaped down at the shell before crushing it in her hands. "I know what I saw," she hissed as powdered shells slipped between her fingers. "And I know what you are. You won't be able to hide forever, Mr. Parnass."

Parnasses. By the time I finished with this place, you'll never-"

"Oh, do be quiet," Zoe said.

"The children said."

Miss Marblemma glowered at Zoe. "And you? I don't know who you think you are, but I am a representative of the government, which means I have complete and total power here. I won't have an unregistered person telling me what to do. You're lucky you haven't been arrested for-"

Zoe moved past the children, gliding down the steps without touching them. She landed on the ground, and as Miss Marble Moss squared her not-so-inconsiderable shoulders, Zoe's eyes turned completely white, opaque, her voice taking on a deep timber, wings glittering in the early morning light. "I said, 'Be quiet.' I'm done hearing you speak to us as if we give a damn about what you say. You are on my island, and after your conduct in the village, you're lucky you're still standing of your own volition."

"Threats!" Miss Marblemma barked in response. "That's all you have. They won't work. You can't."

"We'll be with you shortly," Zoe said. "Until then, why don't you return to the greenhouse? I'm sorry, to the guest house." She raised her hand toward Marble Maw. Before the inspector could react, Arthur felt the air shift around him, thick, almost corporeal. And then Marblemma Maw shrieked as she slid backward through the dirt, arms waving wildly, leaving divots in her wake. Marble Maw hit the porch steps of the guest house, the backs of her feet dragging up the wooden steps, her body slanted backward, almost parallel with the porch. The second before she crashed into the door, it opened, the hinges creaking. Marblemma [snorts] regained control the moment she crossed the threshold, rushing toward them, only to have the door shut in her face.

"There," Zoe said. "That should hold her."

"Until she tries to break a window," Lionus said.

"I got it," Lucy said. He scrunched up his face and then relaxed. "Done and done. Now all the windows are made of plastic, 10 inches thick. I've never had a hostage before. When do we get to negotiate for a helicopter?"

"Not a hostage," Arthur said. "She's merely enjoying the wonder that is Chanty's turndown service. I left a mint on her pillow."

Chanty said, "I hope she doesn't eat it because I want to."

Before Arthur could reply, Zoe was there, running her hands up and down his arms, his sides, his shoulders. "You're fine," she muttered, eyes returning to their normal color. "You're fine."

"I am," he said gently. "I wouldn't leave you, dear," he kissed her forehead as she clutched him. "But I fear the time we are we've all prepared for is upon us."

Zoe let him go, but she didn't get go far, her hand in his gripping tightly, a welcome touch. "What happened?" S asked.

"Children," Arthur said, "classes for today have been cancelled."

For the second time in 12 hours, an explosion occurred, only this time it was not a thing of fire and feather, but one of extraordinary jubilation. S and Theodore grinned while Chanty wailed in happiness. Talia and Fee pumped their fists in the air as David decided that dancing was an appropriate response to such welcome news, wiggling his hips, eyes bright and cold.

"But fear not," Arthur continued. "We'll work doubly hard in the coming days to make up for it."

Talia, with her arms still in the air, asked, "Are we happy or mad?"

Fee said, "I-I don't know."

"Your hearts," Arthur said, and the children fell quiet. "Your tremendous hearts, they've carried you far, inexorably, linking us together. There is some nowhere I'd rather be."

"What is it?" S asked. "What happened?"

"It has come to our attention that a certain inspector has come to our home under false pretenses," Arthur said. "She is not here, as she claimed, to ensure your safety and happiness."

"What a shocking development," Talia said. "Who would have guessed?"

"Not me," Chanty said. "I thought she just needed a hug."

"I like you," F said, patting his shoulder.

"Unfortunately, I don't believe a hug will solve the issue," Arthur said. "No, it's beyond that now."

"Uh oh," Shanty whispered, stalk shrinking until his eyes rested at top his head. "We're doomed."

"What does she want?" S asked, voice hard.

Arthur shook his head. "I don't want you to concern yourself with-"

"You do that," Said pushing his way to the front of the children. "You always do that. You take it all on yourself because you think we can't handle it."

"S," Lionus said, "it's not that simple. There are things at play here that are complicated, even to us."

"I don't care," S said, never looking away from Arthur. "If this is about us, then we have the right to know what it is. You can't protect us forever." His greatest fear laid bare. And didn't he want to push back? Didn't he just want to tell S that he was still a child, 15 years old? Yes, but not a man. Oh, he did, and it bubbled in his throat, danced along his tongue. He opened his mouth, but before he could speak, Zoe squeezed his hand. "Listen to him," she said quietly. "Trust him!"

But Arthur was on the cusp of panicking. "I know I can't protect you forever, but that doesn't mean I won't still try. None of you should ever have to know what it feels like to be unwanted."

"S," asked, "unloved, despised."

"We know what that feels like. We may not have gone through what you did, but that doesn't make our experiences any less important."

"I've never thought as much," Arthur said sharply. "Never, not once."

S nodded, taking a step forward. Behind him, the other children watched and waited. "Good, because you can't know everything. You can't be everything, even if we want you to be."

Arthur cocked his head, squinting at S. "Explain, please. Explain why I should consider putting you anywhere remotely close to the crosshairs."

"Because we're already there," S said. "We have been for a long time. It may not be about all of us equally," a knowing look. And once again, Arthur wondered how anyone could have seen S as anything but a born leader. "But we're in this together. And even then, we might do things differently."

"Why?" Lionus asked.

"Because you can't be everything to us, Said. No matter what you're capable of, the power both of you have, you can't understand certain things. I have to navigate three worlds. Being human, being magical, being black. Can you help with two of those?"

"Yeah, you can. But you know nothing of the last. You can't. That's something I need to figure out. Luckily, I don't have to do it alone."

"You don't." Zoe agreed.

"Bigotry comes in all forms," S said, "not just against magical people. It wasn't too long ago that you and Lionus couldn't get married. Look at you now." And then he broke the world. "You have to trust me. Trust us. We may be kids, but we're your kids, Dad. You made us all believe we could do anything. Now you have to trust us to do that."

It was Arthur's turn at incoherence, and he proved to be up there with the best of them. "I- You- How is that? You aren't-"

"Oh, dear. You've broken him," Lionus said.

"I never thought I'd see a day when he's 'Dad'," Talia said. "And you're 'Papa'. We've all decided, so you can't go switching. I wanted to call you 'Papy', but I was outvoted," Lucy said sadly.

"Oh," Lionus whispered as he wiped his eyes over a watery smile. "I see. I'm sorry," Arthur told S in a horse voice. "I should be listening more than I have been. You're," he sighed. "You're right. Of course, there are things you'll do and be in life that I won't be a part of. That still doesn't mean I won't worry every second of every day."

S laughed, shaking his head. "That's because you're our father." He smiled. His smile faded light slightly. "But even then, I have to figure out some things on my own. I need to make mistakes and learn from them. I'm a kid, but I won't be for long." He glanced back at his brothers and sisters. "We won't be for long. Isn't it time we showed people what we're made of?"

"The best stuff," Lionus sniffled. "That's what you're all made of. The very best."

"Are you sure?" Arthur asked. "I will only ask this once. Are you sure?"

S didn't hesitate. As the other children nodded behind him, he said, "We're sure."

Arthur looked at Zoe, who smiled. He looked at Lionus, who said, "You heard our children. They're sure." Pride and fear wared within him, but it was a battle Arthur wanted no part of, especially when the victor had yet to be decided. Shoving it down as far as he could, he said. "Harriet Marblema is working for Janine Browder, the woman from the hearing. We knew as much, but we now have come into information that indicates subterfuge."

"My favorite kind of fuge," Lucy breathed. "Next to vermifuge, which is medicine that expels intestinal worms."

Lionus burst into tears. "You were listening to your vocabulary lesson."

"Of course I was," Lucy said. "I'm literally a devil. Words are how we bargain for souls. Duh." Lucy didn't try to squirm away when Lionus scooped him up into a hug, peppering his face with loud smacks. When Lionus tried to set him back down, Lucy clung to him, and Lionus switched arms, holding him close. Lucy laid a head on his shoulder.

"She is going to try and take us away," Fee said.

"She is," Arthur said. "But she will not succeed." And though he knew he shouldn't, he added. "You have my word."

"And mine," Zoe said.

"Mine too," Lionus said as Lucy blinked slowly against his throat.

"Why?" S asked. "What does she want?"

Arthur hesitated. "What people in power always want? More power. Router thinks she can use you all to get what she wants to remake the world until everyone is subservient."

Talia sighed. "It's so hard being this popular all the time. Like, we get it. You're obsessed with us. Calm down." Theodore leapt from the couch, eliding on S's shoulder. He leaned forward, head tilting to the side as he looked at Lionus. He chirped a question.

"Yes," Lionus said, "Your button is still in my pocket. I will defend it with my life." Theodore nodded, then turned to Arthur, head tilting the other way, followed by three chirps, two clicks in quick succession, ending with an upturned growl. The question made Arthur's heart sore. "A certified adoption is just a piece of paper. You are my son, and nothing will ever change that."

"Parnaces baker or Baker Parnaces?" V asked.

"Dad was here first, but I think I like the sound of Feeb Baker Parnasses better. Rolls right off the tongue."

"Chanty Baker Parnasses," Chanty said, trying it on for size. "Yep, that works for me."

"All in favor?" S asked.

"I," the children crowed. "Except for one."

"David?" Arthur asked as the yeti ducked his head. "Do you have something to say?"

Arthur shifted his weight from foot to foot, wringing his hands in front of him. "I haven't been here very long."

"You haven't?" Arthur agreed. "But but you are part of this just as much as the rest of us." David nodded on his bottom lip. Lionus stepped forward, still carrying Lucy. Wind swept through his hair and Arthur was struck by this man. This former stranger who had come to an island and found a home he did not expect.

"We are asking," Lionus said, "if you want this to be your home too, to stay with us. However," Arthur said, "if you decide your future lies elsewhere, we will do everything we can to make sure you find your place, wherever that may be. I won't lie to you, David. The road ahead will be fraught. But if you choose to stay, we will still we will belong to you just as much as we belong to the others."

David looked up at him with cautious wonder. "You'd be my dad, too."

"Yes," Arthur said. "It would bring me unparalleled joy. I say that not to sway you into making a decision one way or the other, but to remind you that you're loved here now and forever. You will always have a place here with us."

David glanced around at the others. Talia giving him a thumbs up. When he looked back at Arthur, he frowned. "I can't call you dad," he said. "Not not yet. I-" he sniffled. "I want to, but-" he shrugged helplessly.

"You're not ready," Arthur finished for him. "and David, the time may never come when you feel comfortable with that, and no one will think less of you because of it. I can't and won't replace your father or your mother, though I never had the pleasure of knowing them, I choose to believe they live on in you. How proud they must be of you." A single ice cube fell to the ground.

"And I can still call Jason and be whenever I want, whenever you want," Lionus said. "In fact, we'll invite them to the island if they can get away from their responsibilities for a little while. If not, then Arthur or I can very easily take you back to the city to visit them. All you need to do is ask, and we'll plan a weekend out of it."

"Can they go, too?" David asked, tossing a thumb over his shoulder.

Lionus pald. "Um, sure, yes, why not? It's not as if I have nightmares about all of you riding a city bus."

Lucy squished his face. "A papa dreams about us. That's adorable." Suddenly dry-eyed, David gave a sly smile that he had undoubtedly learned from Lucy. "And you have to build me a stage so I can perform my plays."

"Absolutely not," Lina said. "We will build you a stage. Everyone will help."

"Can we use magic?" Lucy asked.

"Yes," Arthur said. "In fact, from now on, I will insist upon it."

"Hell yes," Lucy crowed, causing Lionus to wse.

"David?" S asked, "what do you think?"

He didn't take long to answer. David, the boy yeti who thought he had to perform to be accepted into magic school, puffed out his chest, hands on his hips. "What are we standing around here for? We have work to do."

Talia tackled David first, knocking him flat on his face. Lucy wriggled down Lionus's side and joined her. Sal and Theodore sank down next to them, both grinning. Fee rolled her eyes, but sat on David's legs. Chanty, as he was want to do, lay on top of them, cocooning them in green. As they laughed and chattered excitedly, David loudest of all, Arthur, Lionus, and Zoe looked on.

"What are we going to do?" Zoe asked.

It was Lionus who answered. "We're going to protect our home. They want to fight. They've got one."

It was S's idea, and since he had the backing of the six other children, Arthur, Lionus, and Zoe, were outvoted. "We're not going to banish her," S told them as they sat in the living room, watching him pace back and forth. Behind him was Lionus's Bert present, still missing a photograph near the bottom. They'd have to see to that as soon as possible. "At least not yet. That'll only trigger a quicker response from Diccomi. And we don't want them to know what we're doing until we're ready."

"But what if they come after us later?" Chanty asked. "Do I need to get my battle helmet again?"

"Let me worry about that," Zoe said. She held up a hand before S could reply. "I'm not trying to keep anything from you. I'm H. For now, let's just say I have a plan in mind, but there are a few more things I need to consider before because once it's done, it cannot be undone." A gissando of uneasy excitement trilled up him. Toe to tip, a rickety flourish from piano keys made of bone and ice. Zoe spoke of deep magic, something he'd never seen from her before. Though he knew her to be powerful, he'd heard tales of the might of sprites descended from fairies who had once called this world home. As far as anyone knew, true fairies, tricksters, all, or so it was said, had disappeared centuries before. Most thought them extinct, hunted down, and murdered until none were left. Others believed they left this world for another, moving through the fabric of reality with ease. Fee had already demonstrated her potential, but Zoe, for as long as Arthur had known her, hadn't shown what he thought her capable of. It seemed as if that time was nearly over.

S nodded begrudgingly. "I trust you, Zoe. If you need our help with anything, please ask."

"I might take you up on that," she said. "Once I know more, you will, too. That's a promise."

S Lionus said, "What are you thinking?"

S looked at the other children who nodded at him encouragingly. "David gave me the idea."

"I did?" David asked.

"Yeah, man. S. You talked about how you liked being a monster. You don't want to hurt people, just scare them."

"I would never hurt anyone," David said quickly, popping his knuckles. "Honest."

"We know," Cell said. "But with how they've weaponized fear, I think it's time we gave the government a taste of their own medicine. Starting with Miss Marblemma. She says she can't experience fear. I say we put that to the test. They insist we're monsters. Maybe we show them that just how monstrous we can be."

"Are we going to kill her?" Lucy asked, head cocked.

Before Arthur could answer, "No," Lucy continued. "Because I don't think we should." Arthur and Lionus exchanged a glance of surprise. "This was a curious turn of events, especially coming from one who advocated death and destruction with the same glee as he did his sticky buns. While I'm relieved to hear that, may I ask what brought you to that decision?"

Lucy shrugged. "That would only give the people who hate us reason to hate us more. And besides, I like being nice." His eyes flooded with red, voice deepening. "Sometimes." The red disappeared, and his voice returned to normal. "It makes me It makes my spiders sleepier when I do things to help others. I bet this will make them sleep for weeks."

"Lucy's right," Lionus said. "And while I admit to having concerns about how best to proceed, I think it's high time Miss Marblemma Maw gets put in her place without killing or maiming."

"Agreed."

"Agreed," everyone said at the same time.

"Stab her with kindness," Chanty yelled.

"Tell us," Arthur said. "Leave nothing out."

Chapter 14.

Later that morning, Harriet Mabelmaw was released from the guest house. The windows turned from plastic to glass, and the front door swung open just as Miss Marblemma decided that throwing her entire weight against it might do some good. Unfortunately for her, she missed the door completely and nearly fell down the porch steps.

"Ah," Arthur said, standing in front of the house, hands clasped behind his back. "Miss Marblemma, I wondered where you'd gone."

"You imprisoned me," she snarled, spittle flying from her mouth. "That sprite used magic against me without my permission. I will see her jailed for this."

Zoe stepped out from behind Arthur, causing Miss Marble Mod to squeak. "You have my most sincere apologies," she said. "I fear that we've gotten off on the wrong foot. Thankfully, I have something for you to help make up for it."

"I highly doubt anything you could give me will make up for your transgressions," Miss Marble Moss said.

"And here I thought you'd appreciate a demonstration from one of the children so you can see what they're capable of."

"If that's not-"

"No, no," Miss Marble Mos said hastily. "You're right. It's important I see what they can do." Without looking away from the inspector, Arthur raised his voice and called, "Fee, would you join us for a moment?" She stepped out of the forest, bouncing an orange in her hand. She cast a cool glance at Miss Marblemma before joining Arthur and Zoe.

"Why isn't she in class?" Miss Marblemma asked.

"Since we are nearly six months ahead of schedule with regards to their education," Arthur said, "we decided to give the children a day off to pursue their own interests."

"I was communing with nature," Fee said, "listening to the trees."

Miss Marblemma looked like she didn't believe her, but let it go. "I see. And you have a demonstration for me?"

"I do," Fee said. "You ready?"

Miss Marblem snorted derisively. "I doubt all this fuss is necessary. If you're going to do something, then do it. I don't like to be kept waiting, especially when it appears efforts are being made to keep me from doing my job. But yes, show me a tree or whatever it is you do."

Fee smiled, tilting her head. "As you wish." As if she were bowling, Fee brought her arm back before swinging it in an arc. The orange hit the ground, bouncing and rolling toward Miss Marblemma. The moment it left Fee's hand and bounced on the earth, the peel split, tiny brown stalks with green leaves bursting through. As it rolled closer to Miss Marblemma, the stalks became thin branches, scrambling, scrabbling along the ground like the recently departed scorpion known as Beelzebub. By the time it came to a stop at Miss Marble Ma's feet, the orange was a bundle of leaves and roots.

Miss Marblemma Maw peered down at it, mouth turned down. She tapped the leaves and roots with her foot. "Is that it? That's what you can-" The orange exploded outward and upward, the ground quaking beneath their feet. A tree shot up in front of Miss Marblemma, at least 20 feet tall, the trunk thick and sturdy. The treere's leaves were a deep shiny green, surrounded by heavy oranges hanging from its branches. It took less than 3 seconds for the tree to reach its full height, the sound of its creation at a loud thundering roar. Miss Marblemma was locked against the porch, sliding down the steps until she landed on her rear on the ground.

"Oh no!" Fee cried, slapping her hands against her cheeks. "That certainly wasn't supposed to happen."

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Miss Marble Moss snapped, pulling herself up, much of her hidden by the branches of the tree. She looked it up and down before plucking a fat orange off it. Using her thumbnail, she pierced the orange. Juice squirting it out onto her knuckle. She squeezed it tighter until it squished between her fingers. Pulp and juice falling to the ground. She dropped the ruined fruit, wiped her hand against her side, and said, "Thank you for that demonstration. You've proven that if the day comes when there is a countrywide shortage of fruit, we now know who will rectify the situation immediately. You get one courtesy point."

"I used a fruit grenade and you gave me a courtesy point?" Fee demanded. "A fruit what?"

"Uh," Fee said. "I said fruit marmalade because everyone knows that fruit can be made into two courtesy points," Miss Marble Mos said, "and I won't hear another word about it. You earned it, child. She smiled. Make sure you tell the other children how well you're doing. I bet that'll make them so jealous of you."

"I'll get on right on that," Fee said flatly. "I knew you would. Now, let's go see what everyone else is up to, shall we? After all, we've wasted enough time with this display." She rounded the tree and without looking at Fee, Zoe, or Arthur headed for the house.

"It appears Miss Marblemma has taken a lesson from our own playbook," Arthur said. "I feel as if I've just been stabbed. Not with a wish, not with kindness, per se, but whatever she considers to be the equivalent."

"Too little, too late," Fee said. Or so they'd hoped. Unfortunately for the residents of Marcus Island, Harriet Mabel Maw proved to be adept at rolling with the punches. Either that or she was on to them and wouldn't give them the satisfaction. Take for example Monday afternoon when she decided the best use of her time was to convince Theodore that seeing his horde was not only necessary, but could help her colleagues back at Dikcomi have a better understanding of Wyvern culture. Theodore, for his part, chirped that he'd rather sit on a sea urchin than show her anything and that he was going to spend the afternoon pointing out garbage. Since Miss Marble Ma was not fluent in wyvern, she thought he'd agreed. As such, she spent the next three hours following Theodore. It took her nearly the entire time to realize he was not, in fact, taking her to his horde, but instead chasing a fly that had found its way inside. She came to this conclusion when the fly landed on her forehead and Theodore launched himself at it. By the time Miss Marble Maw had stopped yelling in outrage, Theodore had eaten the fly and found a spot in the sun next to Collapy, stretching out and curling his head against her stomach. "The thing of evil licked his ears as he closed his eyes, rumbling slowly, lowly in his chest."

"Three courtesy points," Miss Marble Mos said in a shrill voice, her hair in disarray. "You've earned them. Make sure to tell everyone you know."

At Monday's supper, Talia decided that Miss Marblemma needed to sit right next to her. "I wanted to talk to you," said she said, patting the chair.

"Oh, that's splendid," Miss Marble M said, sounding rather excited for reasons Arthur wasn't sure were above board. "As it turns out, I have something I'd like to ask you as well."

"Of course you do," Lionus muttered, handing a basket of rolls over to S. Miss Marblemma Maw took her seat next to Talia, turning to face her. "You are a very pretty girl."

"Tell me something I don't know," Talia said as she shoveled green beans onto her plate.

"I'm so glad you said that, because it turns out I do have something to say that you don't know."

"Really?" Talia asked dubiously. "I know a lot."

"You know some things," Miss Marblem said. "As I said before, it's unseemly for a lady to be braggadocious."

"We're so lucky you're here," Fee said. "Otherwise, how could we know anything?"

"Exactly," Miss Marble Moss said, "which was which is why I think Talia should consider shaving off her beard."

Silence, only interrupted by Chanty whispering. "Uh-oh." Miss Marblemma continued as if she hadn't just committed a dangerous faux pas. "After all, a proper lady does not have facial hair or body hair of any kind. Though the upkeep can be time-consuming, it is important. How else are you going to one day find a husband?"

Talia stared at her. "I'm only 264. I'm going to wait until I'm at least 400 before I start thinking about what babes I want to date."

"Be that as it may, best practices start now," Miss Marble Mos said. "Perhaps we can do it together."

"Or," Talia said, "We don't do that and I pretend that you what you said wasn't offensive."

"That's because it wasn't," Miss Marble Mos said with a sniff. "That's the problem with the world today. Everyone is so ready to be offended by just about anything."

"Maybe you shouldn't be the one to decide what is or isn't offensive to a person in the community you're denigrating," Sal said. "Do you even know why gnomes have beards or what they symbolize?"

Miss Marblemoff flicked her hand at him dismissively. "I highly doubt that a beard on a girl is meant to do much of anything aside from making others uncomfortable."

"And that's somehow Talia's fault?" Fee asked. "Seems to me that instead of getting her to change, you should talk to the other people and tell them to mind their own business. Talia's beard has nothing to do with them."

"That's absolutely correct," Arthur said with a nod. "After all, the length and level of luxuriousness of a garden gnome's beard is directly related to the well-being of their garden. The healthier the garden, the longer and thicker the beard. But then, as an inspector for Dcomi and undoubtedly an expert in all things magical, you don't need us to tell you that." He extend. He smiled at Talia. "Have I mentioned how beautiful your beard looks as of late."

"I know, right?" Talia said. "100 brush strokes every night. Papa's getting really good at it."

"Tonight, 200 brush strokes," Lionus said just to make sure.

Miss Marblemma chuckled, though it had an edge to it. "That's so special. However, I think Talia should consider her future rather than putting all her focus on a garden. Perhaps we could find a nice dress for you to wear. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Something with, oh, I don't know, pink lace and your hair done up in pigtails. And by shaving your beard, everyone would get to see those chubby cheeks. That would be so fun."

Lucy said, "You know what would make it even better? If Miss Marblemma led by example and shaved her mustache."

Miss Marblemma Maw's eyes narrowed. "I don't have a-"

"Except she did," Lucy said. "Flora bore a slam." And a long brown handlebar mustache appeared on Miss Marble Maw's face, nearly neatly trimmed, the ends curled into a little loop. "Now you get to have a facial hair, too."

Miss Marblemma Maw did not detonate as Arthur expected her to. Instead, she stood slowly from the table, her mustache stiff above her lip as she smiled furiously. "Remove it!"

Lucy shrugged. "Okey Okie dokie, Satan, appease me." The mustache wriggled, but otherwise remained as is. "Oops," Lucy said. "So, here's the thing. I'm only seven years old and still learning. I'm just a little guy."

"And," she said, shoulders stiff. "And," Lucy said, drawing out the word for a good five seconds, "That means I sometimes do things I don't mean to, like giving you permanent facial hair that no matter how much you shave, will regrow within 6 hours, 6 minutes, and 6 seconds." "My bad," he blinked innocently at her with wide, angelic eyes. "But good news, you sort of make it work if you squint and tilt your head and look in the opposite direction."

Miss Marblemma pald, and then she ran from the kitchen. A moment later, they heard the front door thrown open, bouncing off the front of the house.

"Do you think she liked it?" Lucy asked. "Is that creamed corn?" "Oh my god, I'm going to eat so much of it."

"Lucy," Talia said.

"Yes." She threw a roll. It bounced off his head. "Thank you."

"I love your beard," he told her. "It makes you look badass."

They waited for Lionus or Arthur to scold them for language. Instead, Lionus said, "I agree. It is very badass. Ooh," Chanty breathed. "Can I curse now, too? I got a good one."

"You get one," Arthur said.

"Oh my goodness," Chanty whispered. "I didn't think you'd say yes," he looked around and then blurted. "Knobby Jezebel," before slapping his tentacles over his mouth.

Lucy fell out of his chair. "Holy crap, Chanty," he said, pulling himself back up. "That was devastating. Good thing Arthur said you could do it because I think that was the worst thing I've ever heard anyone say about anyone."

"I didn't mean it," Chanty. "While I take it back," Chanty.

"David said, I heard Miss Marblemma talking. She said bellhops have the easiest job in the world and that anyone with half a brain could do it."

"That knobby Jezebel," Chanty hissed.

"I said once," Chanty, Arthur murmured grave gravely. "I don't know if my heart could take that again."

"I promise," Chanty said, tentacle over his heart, which was near the bottom of his body. "I'll never do anything like that again."

"She also said that bellhop caps look bad on everyone," Chanty said as Lucy whispered in his ear.

"Arthur," Chanty asked.

"Yes."

"Can I ink Miss Marble Maw?"

"I would never propose such an action," Arthur said. "However, I am of the firm belief that if one must ink, one must be allowed to do so without interruption."

"She's going to be so mad when she finds out about my nocturnal emissions."

"Shanti said, 'I can't wait.'"

Lionus sighed.

On Tuesday, two things of note occurred. First, Miss Marble Moss sat in on the morning's lessons. Bits of red stained tissue paper blotting the area around her mustache. True to Lucy's word, it appeared she'd tried to shave it off only to have it regrow into the same shape and length it had been the day before. She didn't mention it even when Talia greeted her and said she'd be willing to share the soap she used on her beard. Instead, Miss Marblemma took a seat in the rear of the room, her clipboard in hand. She looked at each of them expectantly.

"Are we just going to sit here or are you actually going to begin the lesson?"

"Before we do," Lucy said, "I must ask you a question. Would you like a cup of tea?"

"No," she said, crossing one leg over the other. "What I want is for you to take your seat and for Mr. Baker to prove that he is fit to educate children. And David, since he seems to be interested in child level knowledge, even though he's lived for almost five decades, 'Forget I'm even here.'"

"You never stop learning," David said. "That's what I always say." He folded his hands behind his head, leaning back in his chair. He almost tipped over, but acted like he'd done it on purpose. "Careful, kids. Get a question wrong, and Miss Marblem might try and assault you like she did me."

"I did not assault. I thought you said you wanted us to forget you were here," Said asked. "Kind of hard to do that when you keep interrupting our class. Everyone face forward. Miss Marblemma Maw. Forget Miss Marblemma exists."

"Who?" Fe said.

Though Arthur had other things to see, too. Such was life on the island. He didn't dare let Miss Marblemaw out of his sight. Lionus was more than capable of handling her on his own, but Arthur thought it wouldn't hurt to remind Miss Marblema Maw they were watching her as much as she was watching them. The lesson proceeded with minimal interruption, usually from Miss Marble Maw coughing pointedly or clearing her throat when Lionus or the children said something that she obviously did not approve of. Lionus attempted to ignore her, but the longer the lesson went on, going from the wide and mysterious world of mathematics to history, the more Miss Marble Mom made a nuisance of herself, muttering under her breath as she scribbled on her clipboard. They were reaching the end of the hour, almost time for mid-morning break, when Lionus said, "History is full of different people making the same mistakes over and over again, never learning from the actions of those who came before them. Time can sometimes prove to be a vicious circle in that regard. People in power attempting to tell others how they should live their lives, but only in the bounds of that what they consider acceptable. Gatekeepers who believe it is up to them to decide what is morally correct or not."

"One could argue that."

"One could argue about anything," Miss Marble M said loudly. "Some people think their little complaints mean more than the safety of an entire race of people."

"And what race would that be?" S asked. "Last I checked, even if we're different, all of us are people. He arched an eyebrow. Unless you mean the literal definition of the word race, which is a concept used to describe a group of people according to different factors such as ancestral background, social identity, and visible characteristics such as skin color."

Miss Marblemma blanched. "That's not what I- I'm accepting of all. How dare you imply that I-" She stopped, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. When she opened her eyes again, they were clear above a thin smile. She stood, sweeping her way to the front of the class. "Children, regardless what of what you might have heard, the world isn't as dark and cruel as certain people want to make it out to be. How could it be when we have museums and art and music?"

"Music?" Lucy? "Don't you love music?"

"Oh, yes," Lucy said. "The dead the better."

"See," Miss Marble Mos said, left eye twitching. "It looks as if Lucy and I have found common ground. Who would have thought that possible even three days ago? That's what this is all about. Setting aside our differences, and coming together in the spirit of-"

"Where are you going?" The children had started packing up their books and papers, standing and walking toward the rear door. David led the way, arms above his head as he wiggled his hips, sliding out of the room backward. Miss May Marblemma Maw, a little wave of his fingers. S was last. Theodore perched on his shoulder. He looked back at Miss Marblemma and said, "Class was over the moment you started talking." And then he left.

"Lion," Arthur said as Miss Marble Ma spluttered, obviously gearing up for a meltdown. "You look parched. Shall we have our morning tea in the gazebo?"

"That sounds perfect," Lionus said. "Perhaps a little cake, if there is any left." He joined Arthur at the rear of the class. Joining hands, they walked toward the door.

"Diccomy will hear of this," Miss Marblema called after them. Arthur paused at the doorway, glancing back at her over his shoulder. "If you need to connect, contact router again with your special briefcase. Feel free to use the kitchen rather than lugging it all the way to the beach. While you're here, our home is your home."

Now, Lionus, I seem to remember I hid some teacakes away for such an occasion."

"So long as Theodore hasn't sniffed them out," Lionus said. "The nose on our son." Indeed, they grinned at each other and left Miss Marblemma behind.

The second event of note occurred a short time later. Lionus and Arthur sat in the gazebo sipping peppermint tea, a plate of toasted currant cake tea cakes stacked in front of them on a tray next to a pewer pot. In the woods beyond, Fee and Shanty were searching for pine cones. "It's not a problem. Don't look at me when I eat them." From an open window upstairs, Frankie Valley wailed that he told his girl they had to break up. Thought she'd call his bluff, but she said to his surprise, "Big girls don't cry." Lucy screeched along. David's laughter loud and infectious. They waved to S and Theodore. S carrying a thick book. Theodore walking beside him, wings flapping, chattering away as they headed for their usual tree on the other side of the house. Talia was in her garden coming over every now and then to show them the large pile of weeds she'd pulled and to remind them that anyone sitting in the gazebo must give compliments to the plants in the garden at random intervals.

"Zoe," Lionus asked quietly as he sipped his tea, then raising his voice. "I do love how the roses looked this morning."

"She's working on something," Arthur said, but rather secretive about it. "Look at the blooms on those patunias. Fantastic."

"She'll come to us when she's ready," Lionus said. "That being said, I am curious about what she's doing."

"As am I," Arthur said, "but we will trust her as we've always done. Is it terrible for me to say I'd almost give anything to be a fly on the wall if and when she meets with Marblemma?"

"Certainly not," Arthur said, "for I would like the same. But they can say I didn't warn them about being woefully outmatched."

"Too right," Lionus said. He sipped his tea again, smacking his lips. "Ah, that's the ticket. Nothing like a good cupa on a pretty afternoon."

"Oh, look, our guest, and she's-" Lionus sighed. "Oh, dear." Arthur turned his head to see Miss Marble Mom marching up the green pa garden path. Around her mouth and nose, a pink and green scarf, leaving only her eyes and forehead visible. She grimaced at the flowers on either side of her, snatching her hand back when a yellow tulip had the tendmerity to brush against her. As such, she was distracted, and she did not see Arthur and Lionus in the gazebo. They didn't call out in greeting as she stomped by them. Instead, Arthur lifted his cup and took a long drink, throat working. Pulling the cup away, he said, "Should we warn her?"

"Talia, if you think we should," I meant the inspector.

"Oh," Lionus said, "No, here, have a cake." Arthur did. He bit into it just as Talia said. "Oh, look who it is, Miss I don't like pollen in a garden. practically made of pollen."

"I am allergic," Miss Marble Maw said. "It is a very serious issue that should not be made light of."

"Oh, my apologies," Talia said, and Arthur chuckled, picturing the sweet, innocent smile on her face. "That must be so awful to be allergic to pretty things. It would make sense if you found yourself allergic to me."

"Speaking of pretty things," Miss Marblemma said with a sniffle, "I was wondering if you'd give further thought to what we discussed."

"You'll have to remind me what that was," Talia said. "You talk a lot and I don't always pay attention."

"Really? Do you find yourself struggling to focus?"

"No," Talia said, "Though I can see why you thought that. I was only talking about you."

"I do love the peppermint," Lionus said. "Reminds me of the holidays. Lights and garlands and good cheer."

"As it should," Arthur said. "I'm fascinated by the idea that senses are tied to memory."

"Your beard," Miss Marble Mos said, sounding as if she were speaking through gritted teeth. She sneezed twice in quick succession, giving consideration to shaving it off. "I just know there's a beautiful little girl under all that hair."

"Can you hand me the towel?" Talia asked.

"Twel?"

"No, the tel. That's a spade. And that's a hose. Do you not know what a trowel is?"

"There seems to be a lot you don't know."

"I got it. Can you stand back a little? I'm about to dig really fast, and dirt goes everywhere." True to her word, Talia began to dig, the sound of her trowel striking the soil like music to Arthur's ears. Knowing how quickly she worked, Arthur wasn't surprised when 10 minutes later she seemed to have vanished.

"There," she said. "That should do it."

"A hole?" Miss Marblemma asked. "Why would you dig a hole that large? You already have one over there."

"That's for Papa," Talia said. "In case he goes back on his promise to help me finish weeding the garden."

"An effective threat," Arthur said.

"Quite," Lionus replied. "She even put a breathing tube in mine in case I somehow came back to life."

"She thinks of everything," Arthur said. "What's the other hole for?" Miss Marblemma asked.

"I'm so glad you asked," Talia said with a chuckle. Then her voice dropped dangerously. "It's a grave where I'm going to bury you if you ever try to tell me to shave off my beard again."

"I beg your pardon," Miss Marble Mos said in a high-pitched voice.

"Fun fact," Talia said cheerfully. "You don't get to tell other people how they should or shouldn't look. It's rude. Just because you don't like something doesn't mean others won't appreciate it. I like how I look. And honestly, you'd think that with the mustache you have, you'd be a little more accepting of girls with body hair."

"That doesn't give you the right to dig a grave," Miss Marble Moss snapped.

"Actually, it does," Talia said. "Now, be a good inspector and climb inside, won't you? Here, let me help." A moment later, Miss Marble Moss stormed from the garden, her hair in disarray, front covered in dirt.

"Did you enjoy Talia's garden?" Lionus asked as she passed by the gazebo. She stopped, turning slowly to glare at them, mustache wilted as if she'd replaced it with a thick noodle.

"I don't think she did," Arthur murmured, sipping his tea. "That's unfortunate. Would you share another cake with me?"

"It would be my honor."

"Brilliant," Miss Marblemma bellowed. "Courtesy points. Courtesy points for everyone." And she stomped her way out of the garden.

On Wednesday afternoon, Chanty arrived late to supper, loudly proclaiming that he had made a startling discovery that had nothing to do with being able to talk to fish or nocturnal emissions. They turned toward him as he posed in the entryway, tentacles on his hips. Miss Marble Moss skulked in the shadows, clipboard firmly in hand. She was not in the best mood, seeing as how she'd woken up that morning to find her mustache had turned a sickly shade of yellow, giving her the appearance of having a

severe infection. "What is it?" S asked.

Chanty waited a beat for drama and said, "I have become a man."

"Whoa," David said. "That's awesome. How did you do that?"

"There I was," Chanty said, "oozing around the table, tentacles trailing along the backs of chairs, minding my own business, standing in front of the mirror in my room, inspecting every inch of my body."

"Oof," he said. "Something should be kept private."

"That's why I was doing it in my room," Chanty explained, stopping behind Lionus's chair. "But this is something that must be shared because I found this."

He lifted his right tentacle above his head, and there, in what served as his armpit, was a single white hair about half an inch in length, curled at the tip.

Lucy stood on his chair, bent over with his hands flat against the table on either side of his plate. "You got armpit hair? That's not fair. I want it, too."

"That's right," Chanty crowed. "I have armpit hair, which means I'm a man. As such, you might see me carrying a briefcase or getting on important conference calls to talk about business and other adult things. But fear not, I'm still young at heart."

"Careful," Talia warned. "Miss Marblemma Maw will probably try and make you shave it off."

"No!" Chanty cried, lowering his tentacle, tucking it against his side. "You can't have it. I grew it all by myself, and it's mine."

"I can't believe Miss Marblemma wants to take Chanty's armpit hair," if he said.

"Miss Marble Mos said. I never. What would she even do with it?" S asked.

Theodore was of the mind that she'd use it to stuff a pillow.

"Never!" Chanty yelled. "That's weird."

Miss Marblemma stepped out of the shadows. "If you'd let me finish, I'm trying to tell you that I wouldn't."

Chanty shrieked and flailed, running around the table. "She's after me."

Miss Marblemma was not in fact chasing Chanty, given that he kept running by her every minute he circumnavigated the table. It went on as these things sometimes did, meaning far longer than was necessary. It ended when Miss Marble Moss stepped in front of Chanty and said, "If you would just listen to me, your armpit hair is..."

Chanty scream sneezed quite spectacularly, and Miss Marblemma was coated from head to toe in dripping black ink.

Silence fell in the dining room. The only noticeable sound, the plink plink plink of black droplets on the floor. Behind her, on the wall, as if flash fried, a perfect outline of her figure. Ink splattered around her.

Miss Marble Moss stood, mouth a gape, ink coating her tongue and teeth.

Lucy laughed. "Well, look at me being wrong for the first time in my life. I guess Chanty was right when he said his nocturnal emissions didn't always happen at night. I love learning."

Miss Marblem let out a slow creaking moan.

"Can I teach you something else?" David asked. "See that spot on the wall where no ink hit, but you can still see her shape? That's called negative space. I learned that when I was training to be a private detective. It's how they look at blood spatters."

"And now I've learned something today," Arthur said. "Thank you, David. Miss Marblemma, would you like a napkin? I have several."

"If you think you would, uh, that would help."

Miss Marblemma didn't speak. Instead, she squished with every step she took out of the dining room. A moment later, the front door opened and closed.

"Children," Lionus said. "This seems like a teachable moment. What did we learn?"

"That you should never try and steal Chanty's armpit hair," Talia said.

"It's still there," Chanty said, lifting his arm and showing it off.

"And you shouldn't tell a girl she should shave her beard," Lucy said. "Especially when it's none of your business." He glanced at Lionus. "Also, I'm sorry we made fun of your mustache when you grew it. You're not like Miss Marble M."

Lionus chuckled. "It's not quite the same, but thank you, Lucy. That was very kind of you. Now, who wants dessert? I heard a rumor there's cobbler. Peach, in fact."

"What's a guy got to do to get a courtesy point around here?" Chanty harumpted. "Grow two armpit hairs?"

"That's impossible."

On Thursday afternoon, the sky, a sheet of clouds that promised a good soaping. Later on, the sea flat, calm, reflecting the stone gray from above. S got his turn. Shortly after lunch, Colli began meowing loudly, rubbing against his legs in an insistent manner. It did not take one verse in feline to know what she wanted. Colliopy, for how evil she could be, loved fiercely. And while Lionus was her person, it could be easily argued that extended to S as well. The first time he shifted in front of her into his Pomeranian form, she'd frozen, ears flat against her skull as she hissed, tailt, but then her nose had started twitching, and she'd craned her neck toward him. She'd blinked once, twice, and then pounced on him, cleaning his ears. When she'd finished, she'd climbed off him and nudged him toward the door. For the next three hours, she tried to teach S how to hunt, crouched low in the grass as a bird flitted in the lowh hanging branches. They didn't get the bird, but that didn't seem to bother Collapy. The entire way back to the house, she chattered away, undoubtedly yelling, telling S he'd do better next time. After that, barely a week would go by without Colliapy wanting S to shift, though she seemed to prefer his human form. After all, a Pomeranian did not have a lap on which she could sit comfortably. Colliap seemed to think S was her child, and woe be tied anyone who tried to interfere with what she considered hers. Unfortunately for Miss Marble Ma, she learned this firsthand. S's shifted form was a thing of beauty, small, the size of a decorative throw pillow, with a thick coat of off-white around his head, changing into rusty orange that extended down his back and legs. His whiskers were black, his eyes dark and intelligent.

Discarding his clothes in a pile on the kitchen counter, he began to chase after Colli. They ran through the house, Arthur grinning at the sound of toenails clicking along the floor as they went up and down the stairs, S barking happily. Their game of tag lasted a good 20 minutes before it ended quite dramatically. Arthur was putting away the last of the lunch dishes when he heard Miss Marble Moss shout, "Are you chasing that poor cat? You there, leave her alone."

He hurried from the kitchen only to find S and Kiapy sitting on the stairs six steps up. Miss Marblem stood in front of them glowering. Colliapy's head was cocked, eyes narrowed. S was panting, little pink tongue hanging out. As Miss Marblemma reached for Collip, he began to growl. Quivering lips pulled back over sharp teeth. She jerked her hand away. S went back to panting, and Arthur thought he might be smiling. Miss Marblemma extended her hand again slowly. S growled. She pulled it back. He panted and smiled.

Then she made a fatal mistake. Instead of going for Colliopy, she went for S, saying, "You should be outside when you're like this. Dogs in the house, filthy creatures, their noses always buried in trash or their own behinds and traumatizing this poor innocent cat."

"No, no, no," Arthur said. "I really wouldn't do that if I were..."

Too late. The moment her hands got within six inches of S, Collia proved herself to be the protector Arthur had always thought she was. She launched herself as Miss at Miss Marble Maw. Claws on all four paws extended. She landed on Miss Marble Maw's front, clinging her climbing her way up the to the inspector's head. Once Collapi was face to face with Miss Marble Maw, she brought a paw back and slapped her, leaving three small scratches on her cheek. Miss Marble Maw's eyes widened as Kia leaned close. a low and dangerous crawling from her mouth, teeth on full display.

"Miss Marblema Maw," Arthur said in a hush tone, "Whatever you do, do not look like you're challenging her."

Miss Marblemma nodded slightly tightly. Then she smiled and said, "I'm not challenging you. I just happen to know what's best when it comes to..."

"Wrong thing to say."

Colliapy's paws were a blur as she attacked Miss Marble Moss shrieking and spinning around as she tried to pull the cat off. Despite her best efforts, the inspector proved to be no match against a cat who had taken umbrage at her views on dogs and their place in a home. For his part, S proved to be an exceptional teammate, going to the front door and pulling on a piece of fabric. Arthur had tied to the handle for the times when his son wanted to go outside and was in his shifted form. The door swung open and Collip battered Miss Marblemma until she stumbled onto the porch. Mission accomplished. Collip jumped off her, landing perfectly on the ground. She stepped back inside the door and sat shoulder-to-shoulder with S. Arthur stood above them in the doorway, looking out to Miss Marblemma.

"Leaving already?" I hope it's nothing we said. Face scratched up, her musta mustache missing more than a few hairs.

Miss Marblemma said, "That thing isn't a cat. It's a demon spawn on four legs and I won't."

"Did someone say demon spawn?" Miss Marblemma whirled around to find Lucy standing behind her. She put her hand on her throat.

"Where did you come from?"

"Hell," Lucy said. "What happened to your face?" He leaned over, peering around her. "Oh, I see. You messed with S. Yeah, you shouldn't do that. Collapy doesn't like it when people do that."

"Rabid," Miss Marble Mos said. "For all I know, that cat is raid, and I should probably seek uh medical attention immediately just to be safe."

Arthur said, "Luckily for you, the village has a wonderful health center that treats everyone regardless of whether they are magical. I've heard the course of injections after a suspected rabies attack is not a pleasant one. Uh, so if you must cut your visit short, we'd understand."

"You won't be rid of me quite so easily," she said. "And if I did so, they would come for the cat," she grinned as a trickle of blood slid down her cheek.

"Do you know how they test for rabies?" They take the head. Wow," Lucy said impressed. "What are you going to do without a head? Walk into stuff? Yeah, I bet you'll walk into stuff. If it helps, I can take your head right now so you won't have to sit in a waiting room. Here, just let me."

Miss Marblemma glanced toward the guest house, glancing ba balefully over her shoulder. "You haven't heard the last of this."

Colli purred as loudly as Arthur had ever heard her. It had begun with Lucy. He could see that now. It had never been about Arthur himself or the other children. Not really. Lucy was the ultimate prize, a weapon without equal, a tool and nothing more. It had begun with Lucy. Therefore, it seemed fitting that it ended with that him, too.

On Friday afternoon, class is over for the week, the weekend brimming with the whispers of adventure. Lucy had his wildest dreams come true. He got to make sentient mud men.

Arthur sat in his office next to Zoe. Across from them, Miss Marblemma Maw finally accorded the meeting she'd seemed so interested in upon introduction to the island sprite. It was not in Arthur's approximation going well for Miss Marblemma, seeing as how her opening salvo had been to once again stress the importance of registing registering with Dacoma. Granted, Arthur wasn't quite paying attention to Miss Marblemma, though through no fault of his own, Zoe had arrived before the inspector and pro proceeded to drop a bombshell on Arthur. To say he was stunned would have been inadequate. Zoe's secret. The plan she'd hinted at more than once did not defy logic. Quite the opposite, it made so much sense that Arthur couldn't believe he'd never considered it before. But here now, sitting next to Zoe, he had to keep himself from laughing hysterically.

"No," she said, "and it'll be no when you ask tomorrow and the day after that. Add infinitum. You have no jurisdiction here."

"I am an inspector for Dcomi," Miss Marble Mos said. "I think you'll find that my jurisdiction extends further than you imagine. But let's not get hung up on the pesky little details. I have questions. First, I understand that you don't reside in the main house. From what I've been able to gather, you have a separate home that the children visit whenever they wish. Is that correct?"

"Yes." She nodded, making a note. "I'll need to see that residence."

"No."

Miss Marble Moss squinted at Zoe, her muscle frayed and bristled. "No."

"No."

Zoe shrugged. "You can't say no."

"I just did."

Miss Marble Moss sighed. "Is it too much to ask for the adults in this place to actually act like adults? You are being petty, Miss Chapel White."

"Or Arthur said she's had centuries of experience with people like you who've made false promises only to reneig them when it is actually counted. Counted."

Miss Marblem clucked her tongue. "Pity. I thought you'd listen to reason. It seems I was mistaken. I suppose it would be pointless of me to ask my remaining questions, seeing as how I'll get either stonewalled or lied to."

Zoe smiled razor sharp. "That might be the smartest thing you've ever said since your arrival."

"I know you think little of me, Miss Marble Mos said. Thankfully, likability isn't a requirement for the uh these in inspections. My job isn't to come here to make friends as listed in the rules and regulations. My job is to ensure that the children are being cared for."

"And I can't tell if she truly believes that or if that's what she's been told to say," Zoe said to Arthur.

"She's no Lionus Baker," Arthur agreed, touching the ring on his finger.

Before Miss Marblem could retort, they were interrupted when Lucy burst into the room, covered head to toe in mud. He skidded to a stop, mouth hanging open. It snapped closed when he saw Miss Marblemma.

"Uh," he said, eyes darting side to side. "I haven't done anything I wasn't supposed to. And the only reason I came running in here was because I wanted to see how fast I am. He grinned. Yep, that's all it is."

"What have you been doing?" Miss Marble Mos said a gas. "Did you track mud through the entire house?"

Lucy looked down at the muddy footprints leading into the office. "Huh? I guess I did. Weird."

"Lucy," Arthur admonaged gently. "We're in the middle of a meeting. Please don't be rude. Can you wait?"

"Oh, yeah," Lucy said. "I totally can. Forget I was even."

From somewhere downstairs, a cry that could only come from a belleaguered papa. "Lucifer Baker Parnaces."

"Uh-oh," Lucy said. "And also, uh, I love that name."

"Lucy," Arthur said.

"Yeah, yeah," he muttered. "I've got some splaining to do," he brightened. "But I think when you see what I've done, you'll be impressed." He turned toward Miss Marblemoth, smile widening, causing the drying mud to crack on his cheeks. "As will you, Miss Marblemma. I made them especially for you."

"Made what?" Miss Marblemma asked, face pinched as if she just stepped in leings from a dog.

"Come and see," he said, giggling as he skipped from the room, footsteps squishy on the floor.

"Shall we?" Arthur asked. "I'm sure Zoe wouldn't mind picking this up at a later time." He didn't flinch when Zoe kicked him underneath the desk.

"This had better not be a distraction," Miss Marblemma warned. "You're already skating on thin ice, Mr. Parnasses."

"Good thing I can fly," he said, extending his hand to Zoe. She took it, letting herself be pulled up, her wings unfolding. She put her arm through his and they walked around the desk to the door, each of them shaking their head at the little footprints left in the car carpet. Stopping in the doorway, Arthur glanced at Miss Marblemma Maw coming.

Miss Marblemma [snorts] Maw stood slowly. "The child had better not have done anything illegal."

Arthur laughed, "What kind of monsters do you take us for? Don't answer that. We already know." As they left, Miss Marble Moss spluttering behind them.

Zoe whispered, "I'd forgotten how much of a you can be when you put your mind to it."

Arthur kissed her hair. "What a lovely thing to say."