Transcription
Is it recording? You got it. Thank you very much. Wow. Wow. That was awake.
Listen, I'm just going to pick up where everybody left off, right? Listen guys, as an African back at home, we got this thing, you know, you get congratulated. Ah, you're going to Europe, America, Germany to become European, learn the language, pick up the passport, all kind of things like that. But the problem is, you come to England, London, and there are no English people. I can't find any English people. I feel like uh I wouldn't or we, you know, the family, brother, sisters came to the wrong place. Is this Europe? Can how many people agree we're in Europe? Yeah, person I think he's trying, probably a Polish background or something. I take it back. That man there, I think you. Yeah. Yeah. What's your name? Chris. Chris. Are you English? Chris. Yeah. Chris, can you uh can you some passport? You know, travel license, something? No. No. Seriously, guys. Seriously.
All right. Check this out. From Africa to Heathrow. You know, you get processed and they tell you to limp over there or something, some other place, arrow, you know, and you're like on a bus stop or something and you hear the first conversation expecting some good English, you know, Queen's language, you know, somebody from Yorkshire, you know, esquire. Hello, fellow. How you doing? None of that. The first conversation we heard was like, you know what, D, you know what, Mike? You know what? I think so. Just listening. Damn. Yeah, I think this sounds a bit English, but let's keep it a little bit. You know what, Dave? I think right. Barry's like, "What, Dave? What are you on, mate? Don't cut me off, mate. Can't you see? I'm thinking, I'm trying to think. Never mind." And he's walking up and down, you know, big boots, waist jacket, looking like Phil or Grant from old East Enders, you know, probably one year without. I think right, trying to think, trying to figure out what part of the British Empire still in place. I think right, you know what I think, Barry. Barry, you know what I think, mate? Do you know what I'm thinking? I have no idea what. Don't cut me off. I think. What's the m I think. What's your name? CK. CK. Is that British English? Yeah. Universal. You see that? Did you see that? He's trying. At least he's trying.
[Music] Guys, he's trying. CK is trying. He's trying. So Barry's thinking, I think like the water in my yoga just doesn't taste like. Oh, I'm like. So I said, "Okay, okay, that sounds I don't know what he said there, but try, you know, something he tried to he tried to rewind the needle. What did I just miss there? But you let that one go. So you hear the next conversation somewhere in the bar. I don't know, some it's just a group of what looks like Koreans or some Chinese people over there. You just kind of jump [Music] only jump sing song sing [Music] song sing [Music] song song song song song song song song song song song song song song song song song song song song ching ching ching ching ching ching. So you like where you think where the hell are the English people here? For God's sake, I can't take this no more. I'm booking the first plane back to Africa. Congo deep Africa DLC. [ __ ] Chris, are you sure you're British? Yeah. I need you helping, man. Where can I find real English people, man? Weather spoons.
[Music] What the hell is that? Like a weather and a spoon. Oh, is that a place name? Uh, it's the pub franchise. Yeah. What is the location? What's the nearest train station? Clapham Junction. Okay. Want to try it, Chris? Meet you here next. What is there? Let you know what I found out. No, seriously, man. Then you you go. How long do I have left? Uh, 30 seconds. Okay. Um, all the British people, white English, real people, put your hand up. Damn. That's one one person like one person. How many? How many? What? 25 30. That's less than 1%. Good [Laughter] lord. Yeah. We'll continue next time. Yeah. Find something. Are you British? Come on. Come on. I am not British, but I do play the game and have both. So, here we go. Guys, give it up for yourselves as well. Very wonderful tonight. Uh, [ __ ] Arsenal. I hope they lose. Did they lose? Yes. Well, anyway, sorry. I don't care at all about football except for this one specific night when more people are watching Arsenal than here. Um guys, honestly, you've been great. Thank you so much for coming. Please come back. We are here at this pub every Wednesday and every Thursday we run open mic nights as you know. Uh, this night we actually recently won um best open mic in London for the third year in a row. So this is good as it gets, guys. Imagine what else is out there. I'm just saying. But seriously, thank you so much for being here. I'm just going to take 30 seconds more of your time, and you can live your lives. Please follow the night comedy bandits. Please follow the acts. Their um names are written on the blackboard over there if you want to follow them. Also, if you see an actor downstairs and you enjoyed their set, please do.