When She Doesn't Want You Anymore | Garrett White

A lot of guys know what to do in their marriage; they just don't do it. People get divorced; they cheat for one reason: it's not because they're not feeling safe and secure; it's because they don't feel seen. With another guy who would unleash that in them. That's right; that's what pisses me off.

What it is, Brad Lee back again with another episode of Dropping Bombs. Today in the studio, folks, I got a real treat for you: Garrett J. White, back for a second visit. I believe ah, round two, round. I think the last one was a couple of years ago, folks. If you guys don't know Garrett White, he's the founder of Wake Up Warrior. He's the one that inspired a lot of the whole, you know, guru movement, if you ask me. Trains thousands of men on how to basically become better husbands, better freaking men. Yep. You know, and and quite frankly now it seems like, you know, you're everywhere with the Wake Up Warrior and the Warrior Fit and the Warrior this and the Warrior that, Warrior on Fire. And now, dude, you're starting this huge tour called Man in the Arena. Yes, what's that about?

So we had, I mean, 13 years ago, my launch warrior, that I was like one of the only guys in the space with men who were selling business. People were selling business training, spiritual training, personal development in different areas, but nobody had put it all together. One, there wasn't like a location. You go back to 2012 when we launched. From 12 to about 17 or 18, we were that we were it. Then, co-hits about 2019, and everybody sees this: there's money and training businessmen in this transformation work, cuz nobody had done it before. It was like Tony was doing the Tony events, and that was it, but nobody was charging big ticket—50,000, $250,000—to high-end businessmen who were married with kids to come figure out how to get their [ __ ] straight across all boards, all areas of life. By 19 though, it was now a trend. So by 19, 20, you watched through co, there were literally hundreds of guys now leading men's movements, and I was super pissed about it back in the day. I was like, "Fuck all of you, you're [ __ ] just copying my [ __ ], you're copying my marketing, copying my sales strategies, copying everything, copying our programs." And then I matured and lost my eyesight; my testicles got smaller cuz I take too much testosterone all at once, and I saw something different, which was, okay, how many guys are there really? I mean, think how many how many dudes, how many married dudes within just 10 miles of this studio right here? I don't even know what the [ __ ] number is, but there's thousands of them. 2.2 million; that's a lot. And you go to Miami where I live now, just look out in my backyard at the condos everywhere; there's just guys everywhere. And the truth is, like, the problem with men's getting worse and getting better at the same time, it's like seems to be like going in two directions. So now I'm in this place where I'm like, listen, I'm now almost 50; I'm like, I've gone through my war season where I want to [ __ ] sue everybody, hate everybody, get in fights with everybody. I'm like, this doesn't make any sense; I'm not doing this anymore. So last four or five years, just kind of focused on my lane, but we got in the last year clear about what it would look like to syndicate the men's space. What would happen if you got the top 10 to 15 to 20 guys that really do this and you got them to line up instead of fight each other, like Genghis Khan style, only not killing everyone and taking their women? It's like, what if that could happen? I was like, and I was in enough abundance finally in my energy, my soul, with my identity to be able to put myself in a place, say, hey, this will be better for more men if we do this. If we don't play individually, we get together.

Yes, like it's like uh, collaborate. Yes, instead of compete. Yeah. I mean, dude, how when did you, when I mean you collaborate a ton, but did you go through the competitive phase and the collaborative phase for yourself too? I have to imagine you did. No, did you always collaborate?

I got there pretty quick. I went out on the road to start kicking everyone's ass in the sales training space: Grant Cardone, Joe Verie, Tom Hopkins, Tom Stoer, all these freaking people. I was going to go crush them. Well, I realized very quickly with my software that I built for me originally that, you know, that's an uphill battle, dude, and they got much bigger budgets, and man, it sucked. So I just uh, asked a couple of times at a car dealership I was sitting at, they're like, you know, we use Joe Verie or Grant Cardone, and I'm like, so if I had Grant on this platform, you'd do it? And they're like, well, yeah. And I said, "H—I thought, why don't I just go get Grant to get on my platform?" Yeah, and take a little piece of his revenue and let him go get all the dealers. So I went and closed the dude that teaches you to close, and I started being the the closer of the closers. Well, if you look at what has happened in men's space, I finally got to the same realization, just just a few years later than you, was same space. It was like I was into compete, compete, compete, my [ __ ], my [ __ ], and truly I had like a spiritual awakening in the last like 3 years where God became like a real thing for me, and I got shook, and I took plant medicine, psychedelics to shake me up. I wasn't going to be shaken up any other way. I needed to get high as balls and have an I was out of body experience over and over, like 26 times, to get to this place to start seeing things from that place. But you might also accidentally be competing too, because like when a lot of these get out on the stage, especially compared to your [ __ ], cuz I've seen and heard your [ __ ], they're going to pale in comparison. It's like, you know, walking out with a [ __ ] 9-inch thicky and and and you know, your buddy's got a little [ __ ] 3-inch chub, and you're like, "Yeah, let's do her together; I don't want to fight for her." What's up, pull yours out, you know? There might be a little of that going on; it depends on who you have in the arena, but I like the name, Man in the Arena.

Well, it started started like it was a I had thought about doing it at the end of 2025. I got it last year, like a year and a half ago. I was, I'm going to start doing this cuz there's a handful of eight or nine of the top guys right now, of the top 25 or 30 in the men's space. 30 of their protégé are mine, or they're direct students of mine, and so I had great relationships with them. I helped them build; I watch them build; I support them in building. And then there was a bunch of guys that had been inspired by what I had done that went and did their own thing, so we there was kind of some respect there too, which I was actually unaware of. I was unaware of until I started putting this down and actually going out and talking to everybody and like just found out what's up, which is interesting cuz I never had this energy of it was always an energy of, "Hey, dude, just so you know, the reason I'm not speaking on your stage right now is because I'll [ __ ] burn your whole stage down." Like, I was clear; there were moments I was not being invited into things cuz it's like I'm inviting a a a set guy at a comedy that's like better than the comedian; that's a problem. I've been to a couple of comedy shows like that where the guy warming everybody up was so [ __ ] good that the the headliner was like overshadowed. But that was kind of in my own head too, cuz I still was still playing from this place of, look at me, look at me, I'm the [ __ ] guy. And it I got broke, dude, like I'm I like God broke me; like he broke me. It wasn't even nice either, and it required my wife as part of that to break me, cuz she came to me two years ago, like just dead on, looks me straight in the eyes, looks, puts her hands on my chest, said, I can't feel you anymore; like I don't know where the [ __ ] you've gone, but I can't feel you, and I haven't been able to feel you for about a year. So my obsession with creating and also trying to figure out this thing of like getting out of my own way, I didn't know how to do that; like I was so [ __ ] in my way, I didn't know how to get out of my way. And I kept hearing this prompt like, "I need you to let go of warrior." Which I thought, "Let go of the business, burn it to the ground, because that's my mentality forever." And he's like, "No, no, I need you to let go, give it back to me; it's not yours; you didn't build this [ __ ]; you think you're smart to build this shit?" I was like, "No, man, I've burned this ground a thousand times." Exactly, I built this; you're my weapon now, let go, let go. And Danielle looks me during that, and she's head right to my face. It's like my wife and I are very fierce with each other with truth right now, and she says, "I can't do this anymore; if I can't feel you, I can't be with you anymore cuz I'm hot; I'm 40." She's 39 at the time; she's like, "I am beautiful; I made a couple million myself; I made all these babies. If you can't figure out how to get through your [ __ ] so I can feel you, I'm not going to be here anymore, and I don't like it. For 6 months I've been thinking about [ __ ] other men; I'm not gonna do that because I'm too high quality of a woman to do that to you." I just—

You said that to you. Damn, I took it hard on that one, dude. That get me, that put me on my heels for a month. Uh, that that get me in a bad mood. Yeah, it did get me; it get me in a very backwards mood. It was like, wasn't it wasn't even bad; it was just like struggling to figure out what the [ __ ] is happening right now. And a lot of guys are being hit this way but have no tools to deal with themselves, and more than that, they're so isolated. I at least had a network of people I could lean into; I had tribes I could lean into; I had a brotherhood I could lean into; I had guys that I was very open with what was happening—all my students, all my teams. I was like, "Here's what the [ __ ] going on; I've always told you guys the truth about what's my life; here's my life on display; make fun of it, mock it, do whatever you want. My experience is 95% of guys are experiencing some level of what I'm experiencing; that I'm not abnormal and I'm not alone in it."

So Man of the Arena is like our first time coming together from I mean, our last big event we did was 2022, and prior to that, we were doing 1,500, 2,000 men events every single year for about six straight years, and then we went underground with software, focused on software, focus on the tool to be able to support the guys. And now we're coming back out, only I'm not doing it by myself this time, which makes it fun. It's fun for me. I was also interesting to watch when you start talking about doing arena events with 7,000 guys; everybody in everybody in their dog now is texting me to be part of it. Sure, everybody, everybody. And I get it; I understand it because it's hard to put 7,000 people in a room; that that takes teams and skills and sales and marketing and ads and a whole lot of commitment, just like building software. You know, you don't build Light Speed VT just because you woke up on a Thursday and decided to launch on Friday.

Oh, indeed. You know, there's several that have tried, and now they're some of our best customers. I believe it because it there's with software; there's no from the outside. If you never built software, you don't [ __ ] know. I've been in software for 10 years. I'm in Lightseed VT for five minutes as a user, like 3 months ago, and respect what it does already because I understand how hard it is to build software to make it look easy. And that's what we've done with Warrior for the last like 13 years. People look what I do from Sage or how we work with men are like, looks easy; I could do that. And then dudes try, and burn out, try, burn out, try, burn out; they don't know the weight and pressure what it takes to lead a bunch of dudes who are [ __ ] trying to find themselves.

Well, you've been doing this since 2012; what were you doing before that?

So the four years before that was my dark days, but what who were you, what were you doing?

I was lost as [ __ ] for 4 years prior to that. I was in mortgages and real estate and insurance for 10—

You're just a regular dude. Just a regular dude, just selling, just skinny dude selling [ __ ] with a sales floor, and that's it. Because I remember like when I start first saw you, you had like chains or some [ __ ], you, and you were saying some good [ __ ], but but uh, but you weren't really uh, there yet. No. Then and then like what gave you the idea to hey, let's let's start, but you already had a good, you know, framework down, so how did you get from selling that [ __ ] to the framework to the to the studio with the chain link fence and [ __ ]?

So if you look at the progress of a man, all of us peaks, pits, peaks. Like I rose in a peak of 31, 32, thought I was a [ __ ], thought I ran the game, get motivated seminars, I'm speaking, I'm thinking I [ __ ] accomplished it. I'd never lost from 2000 to 2008; never lost, always won, could always sell more, could always sell more. Then, of course, we are on the edge of the risk of everything, and when the pendulum swung the other direction, me and my entire company was [ __ ] wiped out, and I was a stupid entrep—reneur at the time; wasn't even an entrepreneur; I was a hitman trying to pretend like I was an entrepreneur and a CEO. I didn't know how to do any of that, so I tried to save the company with all our money from the business, and we started taking more borrowing money to try to save the company, not letting anyone go, keeping everyone there, continuing to lose [ __ ] money month after month—lose a million, lose a million five, keep losing, keep losing. Then I'm going to get a better idea; I'm going to take all my money and I'm going to save my baby, so they take all my money to save the baby, and I borrow more money against my name to try to save the company, only to inevitably lose everything. So then by the summer of 2008, all gone. 2008 to 2012 was me trying to figure out who the [ __ ] I was—an affair, addiction, leave the religion I was raised in, and I'm just faced down in this darkness, like no clue what to do, no clue who I am, no clue where to go, no clue who to listen to. And that's was like the genesis of what Man in the Arena or Wake Up Warrior or any of the other brands that are playing—Lions Not Sheep, I'm a Comeback, Superhuman, Fathers Rise Up, Kings, The Edge Man, Wealth—all these programs were birthed from a guy who decided to to find one thing: who the [ __ ] am I really? I was want to put my marriage on the line, put everything. I was like, I can't do this different; I can't go do normal business again; I just can't do it. My mentors were good guys at helping me make money; when it came to how they treated their wives, how they treated people, they were just [ __ ] for money, and that's what I was trained; I was trained to be a [ __ ] for money. I just didn't want to be poor, but here I was—poor and no network and no money and nothing for two years. And I just ran, got into ultra running. I was 170 lbs; I was just running. My wife's like, "What are you running from?" I was like, "I'm not running." She's like, "You're literally [ __ ] running like 25 miles every day; what the [ __ ] wrong with you? You look like you're dead in the concentration; look at you; you're like [ __ ] skinny; so you're like just bone." But it was in those running that I found this voice; like I could just feel it. And after about 10 miles of running, my brain would shut off; all the problems would go away; I'd be too fatigued and tired, and I started feeling this this voice talking to me. I didn't know whose voice it was; I didn't know where it was coming from; didn't really have a foundation in God; didn't have a foundation. Just called the voice. So Warrior, from 2012, that same voice said, "Turn on your camera and share." So I did, and I started posting videos on Facebook. Nobody was doing that at the time; this is 2012. Like my guys now like make fun of my [ __ ] back then. I'm like, "Dude, you don't understand; back in the day, we couldn't just pull our [ __ ] cell phones out and have 19 apps and go live stream with 700 filters, make everyone look beautiful." I was like trying to figure out how to do lighting, and I thought I needed more lighting so I could light up the backdrop, so I had like 27 lights, all [ __ ] shiny, still look like [ __ ]. I didn't know what I was doing. Then, kept going, kept going, kept going, kept going with this obsession—keep going, keep going, keep going. I saw visions back then of this place that I couldn't understand, which is where I'm at now; like I saw this what's happening right now with Manina. I saw 15 years ago, just like the visions you have with Live Life and the things you saw 20 plus years ago. There's a thing that has you keep going. Like, why did you keep going? Software is hard as [ __ ], bro; why'd you keep going?

Well, I wasn't there yet; I didn't I I didn't arrive yet. It's kind of like when you get up in the morning to go take a pee, you know? Why don't you just stop in the kitchen? Why do you get all the way to the bathroom? You could piss in the sink. Have you ever pissed in the sink?

Sure. But why don't you? Cuz it's not done. I know I know where it's in the bathroom; I'm pissing in the toilet. Yeah, I'm I'm I'm heading somewhere, and I want to get there, and if I don't, and I crash, I'd almost rather crash than than settle.

That's how I felt too. Some people watch the moves I make and think it's risky, like us moving our family and companies from Orange County to Miami 4 months ago. That was a prompt; like I felt and I felt prompted to go; didn't know Man Arena Tour was coming. That was me and Dan Flashman sitting down at my house with his his girl Erica and her baby; we were just talking; we just hanging out, just talking for like four hours, and conversation led to one piece to another, and I was like, "Hey, I think I'm going to do this event at the end of the year." And he goes, "Man, I got this thing called Man Arena I've been thinking about for 4 years." He pulls out his notes on his phone; there's like 17 pages of ideas. I was like, I go, "Dude, if anybody's going to lead this thing, you're looking at him; let's go."

So how would you describe it in a sentence?

Unification and transformation of men. Men that are not unified with other men [ __ ] die. And the worst are they don't die, die; they just die to living; they just survive. Most guys don't have networks; they don't have people to lean on; they don't have. And even the guys they run with, they go drink beers with or whatever, most of these relationships are friends. Friends are not enough. True friends are brothers. These are dudes that like 3:00 in the morning, somebody's down with some [ __ ], you're like, "Let's go." These are people like, "Hey, I'm [ __ ] everything up in my life right now." And everybody will run from that guy except for a brother. Brother's like, "Listen, dude, you're my guy; that's it; like you're [ __ ] doing stupid [ __ ] right now, but I'm in, and I'll take the heat for it." It's like a It's like a motorcycle club without the motorcycles.

Without the motorcycles. Exactly. And that kind of camaraderie most guys don't have. And when you put them into an environment—we've done this with thousands of men several times—the energy of this room, like take a 10,000-person event, right? 10x Growth Con CC's is about to happen, and that event of 67,000 people—there, men, women, all diverse ages—I can take 500 to 800 men, blacked out, same gear, roll them into a room; that room is more powerful than a room of 10,000 people. You don't need any rock concerts; you don't need any musicians; you don't need power techniques; you don't need any of that [ __ ]; you just need a room with leaders that can get men to be open and honest, and in that place, a primal nature will unleash a man that he can't do on his own, can't find it on his own, cuz by himself, he's left in just a box of mirrors trying to look at himself: how the [ __ ] am I supposed to see myself right now? All I see is the [ __ ] I don't like, and I feel isolated and alone in this place. Most dudes are distanced from their wives; they don't know how to communicate with her; they don't know how to communicate and raise their kids in social media right now; it's [ __ ] confusing. My daughters have gone through it like the when living in California; it was just constant bombardment—maybe I'm gay, maybe I'm straight, maybe I'm this, maybe I'm that, maybe I'm pansexual, maybe I'm what. As a father, you're like, "What the [ __ ] is going on right now? How am I supposed to even deal with this [ __ ]? I don't even know how. There's no coaching on this. Call your parents: hey, dad, what should I do? Mom? Take away their phones; get them out of school; get them out of school; take out their phones." Which we did; we did the homeschooling path. I'm like, how the [ __ ]? And most dudes that I meet day to day, no matter how powerful they are, they're lost. I had a gather in my house; there's like 100 top guys from Miami; it's the same [ __ ] conversations; half these guys are divorced for the third time. We got guys sitting in situations of chaos in their marriages, trying to figure out—these dudes make tens of millions of dollars a year; some of these guys are doing 800 million a year in revenue—and the same fundamental problems. And then we isolate. And the problem is, the more you make and the more successful you get, you'll have a ton of associations, but getting through to another guy and allowing him to feel safe for you and I to feel safe to be with each other, like we're open with each other, very open; there's another level of open that can happen when you have two guys who are like, "Okay, all the all the bravado off for a second; cameras are off; nothing's being recorded; dude, how are you, man?" Like for real, like where are you for real? And when that kind of energy opens up, guys have a chance to be free. So the output of the Man Arena is free men, and there's a lot of people yelling about it, and they're good. Andy F. Cell is preaching from the rooftops; you preach from the rooftops; there's a ton of guys that are broadcasting that's waking guys up, but I play a different game. Waking guys up is easy; we need people to wake up, broadcast, but then comes the hard part; it's like somebody wants to be an entrepreneur; you can get them to be excited about being an entrepreneur; then there's being an excess, a successful entrepreneur. And there people want to coach two levels: I'm going to wake you up to be an entrepreneur, or I want to work with established entrepreneurs. The middle is where [ __ ] carnage is; very few consultants want to step into this place cuz you're dealing with a bloodbath of transformation of a man, the consequence of business, his ill ignorance. Warrior stepped right in the middle; I stopped being the wakeup guy cuz that was easy; I want to figure out how do you keep guys to stay awake? How do I get a man to care about staying awake? How do I get him to want to be weaponized, not motivated, not not positive? How do you get how do you get a man to choose power? How did you with the process we created? Cuz that was the piece I I I was the first candidate of my own process: like how do I do this for myself? What do I do with all these dark thoughts? Like my daughter, one day she comes in, she's like, I'm having all these intrusive thoughts. Like the kids nowadays get permission to talk about all this [ __ ] that we all experience; it's just we never talked about it. Like intrusive thoughts; what do you mean? Well, I get crazy thoughts; I don't—

My daughter, who's youngest, she's three, she was a newborn. I said, "Do you mean like the thought in my mind when I'm walking up the spiral staircase to go put her in her crib, and there's this weird thought that comes to my mind: what would happen if the baby flew off the balcony and laid on her face? Like that weird thought? Or like I'm driving down the road with all of you in the car, and this part of my brain's like, 'What would happen if just went off this [ __ ] bridge?'" She's like, "Oh my god, Dad." I was like, "Yeah, yeah, we've been intrusive thoughts in our generation too, and I still get them." We just didn't get permission to say, "I'm hurting; I need to sit in my room and suck my thumb."

Does that mean you're hurting?

Yeah, you can. I don't have hurting with those though.

Me either. The other day—

The other day I was I I thought something like that. Yeah, but I mean, it was just like, what if? But I mean, I didn't realize that was the problem.

I didn't either. I mean, does that mean I'm dark?

That means you're real. Yeah, that means you're a human. Yeah. I mean, what was it? It was like I when you said that I was like, I just did that the other day. I forget it was I know who it was; it was my little three-year-old, and it was something like, you know, what if she fell, or what if, you know—

Well, your mom, your mom will play it out too, like I like I was s we were sitting, we're right over on the ocean, on the inter coast in our house, and I we don't have ladders on like against our like our deck that goes up that you have to like dock the yacht and then get on, or you have to there's no we don't have a [ __ ] ladder, and our dog had fallen in the water the first night we moved in, and I had to jump in an ocean to save this dog cuz the girls are all screaming and just panicking, but there's no way to get up, so I got to swim this [ __ ] dog all the way down around the neighborhood to another house, had a ladder, and try to climb them out. Well, I'm sitting out there last week with my 5-year-old, and she's jumping around on the fence, and I'm thinking to myself, "This child falls in here; what if—

She falls in?" I'm like, "The are the gates [ __ ] unlocked?" Cuz my brain can only see my drowning babies in the water. My mind plays a whole scenario out: drowning babies. I'm like, "What would happen if my B?" And then I'll play through like, "What if my wife got shot and killed? Like, where would I go? Would I date someone else? What would I do? How would I operate?" I'm not spending tons of time thinking about it; it just happens. Yeah, is that bad though? No? Okay, good. I didn't think so.

What this was? This is the part that you take a fun one with sex and sexual triggers. Like your wife watches you with a hot woman that walks by. Your wife knows she's hot; my wife knows she's hot. Then guys do the [ __ ] thing I used to do, which is: I'm at the beach. You can't ignore the ass that just walk by in Miami; you can't ignore them at all. There's just BBLs everywhere, so you got ass everywhere, tits out, and you're at the beach. Your wife watches you; she sees you see her, and then she asks you the question: "Were you looking at her?" Now you know you were looking at her; every guy was looking at her. But now comes the light: "No, no, no, baby, I'm not. I'm not looking at her. Oh, you think she's hot? No, no, no, she's not. No, babe, you're so hot! Like you are, you're..." And you do the opposite. I used to do all this backward [ __ ]. Now she be like, "Did you look at her?" "Yes." "Is she hot?" "Huh." Did you have a sexual thought about her? Definitely. And it's like an it's it's part of being a dude. Well, yeah, but that's a that's a... I got a technique. Okay, give it to me. Well, well, I mean, I just I I jump in front of it. So like when the girl walks by, I look and then I go, "Babe." Yeah. "Do you see that?" Yeah. "I bet you she thinks her ass is so far..." And then I... And it allows me just to watch it. I almost jump in front of it. It's a good... It's a great move. But but again, I mean, my wife seems to be cool uh in that respect. Well, because you're being open and honest. This is the whole point is... Well, I kind of like I almost act like it's not nice. It's almost like, "Do you see that?" That was a bad example of what I do, but like you're right, with you can't help but look, especially when they're just fine as ass.

Well, bro, we're we're sitting at Tai Lopez's house at a party in his backyard, and he decides to put on a lingerie show. I didn't know he was doing a lingerie show; I don't think he even knew he was doing a lingerie show. So they picked a bunch of girls from the party to like model some lingerie from one of his buddies that had a lingerie line, and we're sitting right in the like little box with his mom and we're just hanging out. And then just damn near naked girl after naked girl, and my wife's sitting right next to me, and I'd already like gone down this path a couple years ago, so I was the same thing with her. And she's like, "She's hot." I was like, "Yeah, she is hot." There's just no there's no energy around it. I I just go... me only because like, dude, it would like I don't know if I'd go that far where... Yeah, she is hot. Boy, would I [ __ ] react! That I I I think uh like and I wouldn't want my wife to do it, but I'm still immature. Yeah. Here's the thing: women are triggered too. The crazy part is I think women are more triggered by they're more triggered by powerful men who own their certainty. It's less about body; the body's part of it, but it's less about it. Yeah, but I wouldn't enjoy my wife going, "I'd like to suck his dick." Like I I'd be like... She wouldn't even be my wife if she said that more than once. I get it; I get it. But the women are never... Most women aren't going to talk that way anyways, but guys our entire language... but they might think it; they're definitely thinking it. See [ __ ] she better never let me know that she's thinking it, cuz dude, I'm weird like that. Like to me, I don't care like like I'd rather be single with all the options than with one that wants to do [ __ ] with other dudes. Well, I think it's less it's less about the doing and more about, "Hey, you had the thought." Well, again, I mean, I I I I I'm smart enough to know like she probably finds other men attractive, but if she tells me... Yeah, and I and it's obvious... Yeah, I'll blow that [ __ ] out. I would. I tell my wife, "Look, we're done." Yeah. She's like, "Why?" Because... you don't like me. Yeah. Well, I think... be all insecure and [ __ ].

Well, listen, we have a policy, Danielle and I, is real simple, and it's like a yearly thing when we go on our anniversary trip, which is real simple: Am I still your number one choice? Like yes or no. If I'm not, I'll be the first one to pack your bags. That's it. I'm not playing second base; like I'm not playing second in this game. And are you still my number one choice? We started playing this a couple years back because we had gotten both to a place of really deep abundance with ourselves and knowledge of who we are. And it really happened the last two years after the collision with her because... and she called me out. I need to be called out. I needed to... and guys need to be called out. A lot of times it's scary; scary for women to call their men out. Like it be it'd be really intimidating as your wife to actually tell you the full truth because she'd never do it. Well, that's because it's a challenge because like if you look from a woman's perspective, she's being cared for, taken care of; she has the babies, she's home; you're the provider, the protector. The element flips a bit once she makes her own money, like... and I watched that happen with guys too, which is now she's got the financial power to take care of herself, and the dynamic flipped. And that flipped for us cuz my wife knows she can go make a couple million a year without me. So the minute that happened, now she wants to make 10 times, 20 times, 30 times, 40 times more than her because she still wants to feel kept, but she also has that little nugget in her pocket, which is like, "I can take care of myself if I had to." Now I think every woman can figure that out, but this whole thing of desire is what you're saying is what I'm saying too: I want to be wanted. Hey, if you don't want me, you want somebody else, and yeah, this doesn't work anymore if you if you're inspired by something else you see... Okay, that's one thing. If you're saying that I'm not I'm not the number one choice anymore... Yeah, I'm not gonna play. Yeah, I wouldn't either because again, dude, we're trading one we're trading them all for one. I know. And that one better be mighty good. Yeah. Well, and that that becomes a challenge for most of the men, and you have dialed yours in. I've dialed my relationship in. 95% of guys have not. So even ones get divorced; they go on their benders for six months to a year, and then they're miserable and feeling alone because they really want a partner that they can feel that wantingness. I think that's why guys go to porn. And they want a good one that they can trust 100%, but still... I think people deep down, you know, I... there's a little fraction of me... I don't I don't trust any of them for sure. I mean, it's not like I'm going to trust... I'm not I'm definitely not have my wife go to jiu-jitsu lessons with some like fit attractive Brazilian dude. Hell no. Or or a male masseuse, even. No, even a trainer at the gym. People say people say I'm insecure and I'm immature, and I'm like, "Dude, I don't care; I'm just telling you the truth." The truth is: no, you don't want a haircut; stay out the barber shop.

So here's the fun part, right? Think of it this way: if... Do you have a problem with a female massaging you? No, not at all. Do you have a problem with a male massaging your wife? Yeah. So I'm I'm like gay guy only. No, dude, at all. I'm I'm good with the gay guy. Well, if he was really gay and I knew he was like totally gay, then yeah, go ahead, cuz I as I experienced... but I'd prefer not at all. If there's a wiener in the room and I'm not in the room and your body and your wife's body's naked being rubbed... it's kind of a... Have you ever thought about how weird it is that you don't even know who this person is and you're just rolling into a place and then you get naked is rubbing your body? Well, for me, not really. And she doesn't have to be a hot female either. Like yesterday I just got a massage, and she walked out and she looked like, you know, she was large and in hands... it... she actually... no, surprisingly it was it was the worst. Oh, it sucks. But man, the good massage is a good massage. But in Dubai, I'd go in and get a massage and and and this place gave great massages to where like they're so close, they're pretty much bumping it, you know what I mean? But they're getting deep. Yeah. And I told my wife like, you know, she's she's like, "How was your massage?" Like, "Mine was awesome." What are you kidding me? She's like, "Well, you know... well, to me, if my wife said to me, 'You can have sex with another chick.'" Yeah, I probably wouldn't. Is that odd? Yeah. Listen, every... I'm around I'm around guys right now in open relationships; I'm around guys in closed relationships. I can't do the open. Yeah, me either. Only because I know I know if I did that, there will be a problem. Yes, or worse. If I did that... What if she's saying I can so she can? That ain't happening. Yep. Again, dude, if anyone can bang my girl but me, I don't want the girl. Yep. Is that normal? That... That's how I feel. Normal. I'm the exact same way. I feel... you're not fixing that in a man. No, that... Listen, at the end of the day, there's one thing a guy wants: to be wanted and be number one with his woman. But the only reason a lot of this stuff opens up in relationships, and my experience with hundreds and hundreds of guys I know in open relationships, is because the shit's not working. It's not working like... and so they're trying to find some other thing to spark the thing. Why don't they just break up? Exactly. Cuz it's cuz they're scared of the safety and security and the comfort. There's guys there's guy there are guys right now I know with beautiful girlfriends telling me how much they want to still be with their wives, but they got the beautiful girlfriend. They're like, "I don't know what to do. I got the beautiful girlfriend in Miami, and I got the wife in New York, and I'm not sure what to do." I was like, "Dude, what the [ __ ] are you talking about? Neither one of these things are real right now for you. You got the girlfriend that's not real cuz she knows any minute you'll run back to your wife." And on the second token, your wife knows you're out of town with the girlfriend, and she's feeling stressed out. You're not getting either of these women right now. Both of these women are both sitting on their heels going, "Where is he going?" I was like, "The only way to solve this is to elevate you up here and have you make a decision because you may find out you don't want either of them as a girlfriend or your wife, or you may decide that you just want your girlfriend and you're going to be serious over here. You're going to be with your wife; you can be serious over here." This shit's happening everywhere, dude, like it's rough. It's what... But guys are so desperate to feel something, and I thought it was sex. I thought that's what the game was: you just want to have sex. It's not. What is it? Being wanted. It's why I'm convinced that's why porn is such an addictive thing because it's not sex happening; it's not penetration; it's the eyes; it's that look given. That most of them are acting, and they're doing it... maybe some of them are real, but it's the eyes; it's the woman wanting to be with this guy, desiring what's happening, submitting to what's occurring. I'm I'm convinced of this with the much data I have on guys that that is the thing the guys are actually after, cuz that's what I found for myself too. I mean, of course, the wanting from my wife; I want the eyes. Yeah, like if your girl says, "You know, hurry up," it's like... doesn't it doesn't feel the same. Not at all. Well, and you can have a body; you can have sex with your wife; have a body; or you can be like having passionate connection, making love, and she's actually into it with you. That's why guys get off on their wives coming. Usually got to be drunk though for that. Yeah, it depends. Without... I don't think we could have got there; I don't think we could have got there without alcohol. I don't think my wife could have broke out of her shell. I don't think I've ever done it like that unless I was drunk. Does that... Does that mean I've never been in love? No. I mean, dude, when you're talking about making love, like that's like freaking slow motion and wonderful and soft and lovely, and then you know... you got to be drunk for that sometimes. I think a lot of times you have to be. And I don't love... I don't think it's because of the guy either; I think a woman has to be there. Well, maybe your first three, four times, but I mean, dude, when you're married to someone for 10 years... Yeah, you got kids. Sometimes it's like, you know, you just got to get it in for sure. There's no more love making. Does it change? Have you guys gone on vacation without the kids? Um, not not in a long time. So that's why that's why a lot of guys get addicted to vacation sex because they can get away from the children. Like what happens on vacation with Danielle is like about two days, three days into vacation, it's still not love making; it's then it's [ __ ]. Well, it's [ __ ] and love makes all of it, but it happens because the woman unplugs; she'll start being herself without kids. Stress goes; anxiety goes about the kids. About 5 days in on vacation, the business questions and stress will go away. About 6 days in for Danielle and I, we actually return to this state like when we first met. It's like we've forgotten we have kids. We'll even go a day not FaceTime the kids; we got five of them because we're just so we're we're reminding ourselves. But that's why we have to go on vacation like at least every quarter for a week, just because how fast life's moving and how fast is going... our toddler; we have two toddlers, two teenagers, and a 25-year-old. It's a [ __ ] [ __ ] show at every single level, and it's so easy to get whipped up into this frenzy, and then it does just become surviving. Now, a great woman is in a relationship with a guy; she's going to see it, release it; she may not be into it, but she can see that he needs it; he wants it. And so she might act... We talked to the women about this. I was like, "How many times you actually like moaning for real?" They're like, "Not much." I was like, "I know, but guess what? He wants to hear it, even if it's fake." So to [ __ ] get the truth... Yeah. Well, the truth the truth is: underneath what we have seen and what we've studied with men for the last 13 years, most women have been sexually shut down. They're just shut they're shut down. Most guys feel rejected, and because they feel so rejected, they most of the [ __ ] they do continually encourages the shutdown. So then you have them in this survival game of: "How the [ __ ] am I supposed to fix this? We've been together 15 years; we got four kids; I don't know what to do with this." And then it's either choose to just surrender: this is how it's going to be forever. Which inevitably, now you look at divorce statistics; what's happening in that phase is mama's just waiting for the kids to get out of the house so she can divorce them. That's it; I'm out. That's why there's this 75% of divorces right now are filed by women in their late 40s, early 50s. That's... That's a real statistic. Yes, filed by women. Where do they think they're going? I don't know. Do they think Mr. Superdong's out there? Mr. Sweetheart Superdong? I think they're just trying to get out of the situation. I don't even think they have a fantasy or something else; I think it's more of just: "I got to get out of this game with this guy." And the guy, you know, you wish you just would like know the truth. Yeah, for sure. Like I wish I could just read the truth. I wonder how many divorces there would be then. Uh, well, if people could tell the truth from the beginning, which is the focus we've had for the last 13 years, which is: how do you get a guy to actually own 100% of his truth? And that's hard. And it's hard to own it yourself; then it's hard to own it with other guys because of feeling bit like you're an idiot or you're stupid. Which is why things like Manarrena Tour work because these events create conditions for guys to be able to be honest without the pressure of their wife, the pressure of their kids, and not feeling like they're in an environment with a bunch of dudes that are going to judge the [ __ ] out of them because they're going through the same [ __ ]. But they're... when I tell my truth, if my truth resonates with your truth, and I'm open about my truth, and you're not open about your truth, it will cause you to feel a certain kind of way, and the natural reaction is either to make fun of, persecute, or push away because I don't want to be exposed. I'm like, "Oh, fuck." So we get uncomfortable. Like dudes getting around dudes; if a dude starts crying, mostly dudes be like, "You're okay; you're all right; you're right." Has nothing to do with trying to help that guy; it has to do with they're uncomfortable with themselves. So when you start to get to truth with you, then it's like: can you be truthful with other men? And if you can do that, then can you be truthful with your wife? What do you want? What are you really thinking? What are you really feeling? And I have inside of our tools of warrior, we have the tool called stacking where guys are typing their feelings in every day. We had 1.2 million stacks done this year inside the app in the last 12 months. Guys just dealing with their [ __ ], like: "How do I deal with...?" And 50% of those are sex and intimacy and marriage. Guys are frustrated: "My wife... this... I can't figure it out. She's like a [ __ ] moving Rubik's Cube. I don't know how to deal with this; I don't understand it. I [ __ ] work so hard; I provide; I take her on a date night; I do all the things, and she's still a closed box vagina. How am I supposed to deal with this?" And the... be exactly right. How to talk to her, put it on the line. We'll ask guys: "Hey, if this continues this way sexually, would you leave her?" 80% say yes; 20% no: "I would never divorce her." Then you're [ __ ] cuz the leverage isn't going to leave you if you don't have the power to take a stand for yourself and say, "I don't tolerate this anymore in this relationship." Like I used to tie... I used to talk like Danielle... talking [ __ ] to me. I don't do it anymore. So she starts to go down that path; I'm like, "I don't do this; I'm not I'm not doing this with you. If you want to talk like this to me, you go find somebody else, but you're not going to talk like this to me anymore." So I'm not threatening you; I'm just telling you I don't tolerate this, but this is beneath my standard. It used to be my standard was lower, so I would tolerate it, but I couldn't do it if I hadn't taken care of my side of the street. If I can clean my life up and got myself in integrity with me to own what my truth was... so if I can't own... That's the key right there. Yes, that that that is the key though too, and and and really once you do that, I think you start to become a little bit more uh valuable to yourself and you and you have self-worth. And once your self-worth goes up, your net worth goes up; your relationships get better; everything becomes better. 100%. Even if you end up divorced. Even if you end up divorced. And that's a weird thought to put in, right? So when guys are challenged with this, I'll be like, "Listen, here's what I want you to create first: we have to create a reality check of where you are right now in your marriage. What does that look like now? Like what are the things that are working, not working? No [ __ ]; put it on the table; let's go. Cool. Now we're going to let go of your wife for a moment. I don't want you to talk about your wife over here. I want my wife... No, no, no, don't [ __ ] talk about your wife. I want you to talk about what you want. What do you want in communication? If you had the marriage that you wanted, what would that sound like? What if it's physical? It always goes physical. So be... What do you want communication-wise? What do you want sexually? Dude, I will line up a 100 dudes and ask married guys who've been married for 10 years or more: what do you want sexually? It's hard for dudes to even tell the truth because they've been canned in a box for so long of just tolerating [ __ ] and acting a certain kind of way themselves; they don't know how to even be honest with themselves. I'm like, "What do you mean?" But what if they can't can't get it? No, like for example, let's say let's say you know your wife's nose is huge. I suppose you could get a nose job. Uh, you know, let's say like there's some physical trait... yes, that they you're now like, "I don't like that about her." What do you what do you do? You get the guy to be honest. I have guys with women who are overweight, like 50, 75 lbs overweight, and when they married them, these women are very fit, and these women have been overweight for five, six, seven, eight years, and I will sit with a Frank Kate: what's the current situation? And I'll ask him: I was like, "Are you attracted to her?" And the pause comes every time. I already know the answer: no. No. Why? Cuz you're fit as [ __ ]; how could you possibly be physically attracted? You can't. And she doesn't feel attracted, which means she's shutting herself down. It's like, "Okay, cool. So you're in an environment right now where you have a woman you have to sexually release, but you're in a monogamous relationship; you're not going to cheat on her; you're not going to be open relationship; you're not going to have a side chick, and you have the one girl, the one vagina you signed up with; you're not even attracted to. Can we see why we're going to porn all the time? Yeah. Okay, cool. So let's stop this for a second; let's come over here. What do you want? The brain has been so trained to try to... I have to transform this woman to be this thing. No, no, no. What do you want? Then you get to invite her into that future: "Hey, this is the marriage I'm going to be in; would you like to join?" Exactly. Do you want to come? Seems like it's more sense. Do you want to be part of this? Cuz I'm going to go here, and you're my first pick; I want you over there with me. But if you don't want to go over there with me, that's okay. Yeah. But man, that takes commitment though. Oh, it does. And that's the reason why events like Man of the Arena makes sense because most guys can't get committed to themselves; they can't get committed to what they want because they can't get committed to the truth about where they are. In an environment like this, you have a chance to be able to actually feel that power because it is power, and it's not... it's like you were said: it's a value in yourself. Most guys have tolerated such [ __ ] from their kids, too much [ __ ] from their wives, so much because they tolerate so much [ __ ] in themselves. The minute you stop... I stop tolerating something in us; immediately afterwards, anyone else who's beneath that standard immediately gets looked at and judged from a different place. Yeah. Yeah. But do you ever see guys that are like: you get them fired up to do this, and then they buckle as soon as they see her do it back? Oh, yeah. In other words, like, "Oh, yeah, [ __ ] well, I didn't want you anyway." And and so now they're out, and they're like, "Good; I'm glad you started this wake-up warrior [ __ ] because I've been wanting to tell you." And now all of a sudden they're like, "She don't want me." Cuz sometimes when I was younger... I mean, I've been married a long time now, so I don't know if it'd be the same; it might be the same now, but like I'd walk around like, you know, "Hey, if you don't get over here, you know, and you're done." As soon as she was okay with being done... Oh, I changed my mind; I don't I don't want to be I don't want her to be done. Like I thought you were going to cry and be heartbroken. You're okay with losing me? And as soon as she was okay with it, dude, I'd be after her again. Like, dude, what's that about? What's that psyche? Well, dude, that's called that's called being not committed. Meaning if I say I'm if you say something out of a threat, it's one thing to threaten; it's another thing to say, "I'm committed to going here." And I did the threat thing; I did the pouty thing; I did all the things. Anything that could be done as a [ __ ] with being my wife, I've done it; I've tried it. I thought sex toys would change our life; I got some wild [ __ ] sex toy stories, and none of it worked. What was the thing that worked? Me getting grounded and committed in myself. What really shifted it was I was having a moment in psychedelics. Like I use ketamine; I don't not so much anymore, but I had a season where it was very useful for me. Every Sunday I do a 2-hour ketamine journey with myself in the house, and I could separate my thoughts and my feelings, and I could put them over here, and then I could observe myself, and I could put situations in play and see how I would feel in that situation. Even to the point like I visualized... I didn't want to go there, but I figured in ketamine I'm going to try it. I visualized my wife being [ __ ] by some other guy, and I was like, "What am I feeling?" And I'm feeling all kinds of feelings; all kinds of feelings. But I had an experience in a ketamine journey was different than I thought, which is: my wife was having pleasure. The guy's here was like, "What the fuck?" I was like, "Of course she would be; why wouldn't she be? If I [ __ ] died today, some other dude's going to be with my wife; she's young; she's... that's it. And she'll have sex; she'll have orgasms; she'll be pleased. I'm not the only dude that could please my wife." I never looked at it from that frame; I was looked at from... well, oh yeah, I...

Could definitely please another woman, but not once did I let the thought come in on that side that my wife could actually experience pleasure from another man. It was like very ego for me, ah, like [ __ ] pissed, still triggers [ __ ] out of me. Just thought of it triggers me too. How do we fix that? Well, I don't even think it has to be fixed so much as there's an opportunity to see into it. And here was where the big revelation came for me that time. Though I grounded so much of my energy and certainty in my wife, so what I didn't ground in business partners, strategic partners, my clients. I'd learned how to not do that, but there was still me grounding in me and God, and then I still put a ton of it in her. So she responded some kind of way to me, it would shake my certainty in myself. If she said something, it would shake my certainty. So that day, and that when I tried that on, I also tried on a bunch of other things, and I was back in our tool called stacking, and I was working through it. I was having this conversation with God and myself; I was talking through it, and the principle that I got for myself was stop grounding in her, stop.

So the reason you feel that way, or people do, cuz I'm I'm one of them, and I'm sure there's a million dudes that identify with that one, it's because you're putting too much grounding in her, her reaction; you're putting too much value in her, really. You're taking your value and you're extending your value to another person, and when they move, you move. Yeah, but there's dudes out there, you know, that would say, "Hey, I I wouldn't be as mad if my girl cheated as long as she cheated with someone with a littleer dick, no game, and she was regretting it than someone that had a freaking Voss bottle and did it just perfectly." Yeah, you know, and and they had some, you know, connection. Oh, for sure, guys, to me, I don't give a [ __ ] which one it was. Yeah, I got the same anger feeling; I get it. And and dude, so that means I'm doing it well. There's a difference, but like you could be triggered by people, triggered by a situ—we can put scenarios up all day long. I could put up somebody's doing something, sexually assaulting my daughter; I know where that puts me very quick: murder, death, kill mode. With my marriage and my life though, it's become more of a game of how do I become immovable with me? Because what's created trust from my wife and made her more feminine, more connected, more soft, more trusting, more all-in sexually, more all-in on conversation, trusting my leadership. I'm not cross-checking; I've never been a guy checks my wife's [ __ ] spend money. I'm like, I'm going to go do this. All of the trust came back because I became immovable.

So like last night, for example, we're about to come here, we're about to come out to Vegas, where it's the middle of the night. I have a snoring thing; I get bigger, I start snoring. We got a new snore guard; I was testing out, but I decided to sleep in the guest room cuz she wanted a good night's sleep. I—That's fine; I don't give a [ __ ]. So I go downstairs, and a war zone breaks out with my teenagers at 1:00 in the morning. They're screaming and fighting with each other, and they get physical with each other. They're both tall, 5'8, 5'9, both very physical girls, and they're fighting and screaming. My wife comes down the hall; she's trying to break it up. The 5-year-old wakes up; she's like the defender of the universe, so she just switches teams, whoever she thinks is being done unjustly, she will attack the other person, and she'll flip her card real quick in the middle of a fight if she thinks the tides have turned, okay, and then she'll start punching over here. So this war is happening upstairs; I'm downstairs with my meditation music on, just having a peaceful sleep. My wife comes down, opens the door up, "You need to get up here and handle this." I'm like, "What's going on?" She's freaking out, screaming; she's crying. I go upstairs; the teenagers are [ __ ] screaming and crying; doors are being slammed; the 5-year-old's laying in the corner crying, and I'm like walking and going, "The [ __ ] is going on up here in this war zone?" Calm wife's trying to attack the teenager; teenager's trying to attack my wife; they're both way bigger than my wife, so it's like a physical disadvantage for her. So I'm like pushing one daughter into her room; I'm pushing the other daughter into her room; I'm redirecting my wife back down the hallway; I pick the 5-year-old up; I go put her back in bed; I tickle her back; I put her to sleep; I make sure everybody's tucked in, and then I go back to bed. I'm going to do this [ __ ] years ago; I would have got whipped up into the fight too and then try to figure out who to defend and defend your mother and def—I was like, I don't know who you're all [ __ ] crazy, all of you. I love you, but you're women; you're all [ __ ] crazy, which means at some level I have to be able to hold a semblance of order and immovability in that situation, which I couldn't do before, couldn't do it. But that's the process; that's the process. So if someone goes through the process, they'll be able to do this too. Yes, so you know that's that, to me, that that that's what everybody should be interested in.

Well, that that immovability is what allows you and me in business to make moves that we make. Something happens; somebody [ __ ] you; somebody does something stupid; a partner deal goes sideways; some client says stupid [ __ ]; people are talking their mouths on social media; you're not moved by it; you're just like, whatever, next. Most operate too much; big wins, they don't commiserate with big losses; they don't; they're just kind of moving. But in relationship, that's a lot harder; it's a lot harder because it's very personal with wife, very personal with kids. But getting the same principles to transfer from business into relationship and vice versa, things that are working in relationship being able to transfer those back into business. There's tons of stuff I do in business now because of what I've learned in marriage, just ways of being that transfer over, delegation and leadership, like all of these things back and forth. So like we've we've really focused like for 13 years on trying to find a container and then the weapons and tools inside the container to give men the opportunity to try to pursue this way of living. Is it for everybody? Hell no, it's not for everybody; most people would rather just suffer.

So are you done doing Warrior or is is it all Man in the Arena now? Or Man Arena is just a partnership we've done with Dan, and that that it's it's a part I'm leading, so I'm a face of it, leading it. Wake Up Warrior, still doing Wake Up Warrior; we're crushing; we're blowing up. Too new book just came out, Warriorbook 2.0; it's crushing right now, like everything we're doing with Warrior stayed the same. We have 200 trainers that use our system now and have built coaching brands and businesses like you with Lightseed VT. We're coming backside on coaching businesses with our platform, supporting coaches, giving them the tools and weapons of the Warriors Way system to be able to guide and lead. It's a lot of people that want to help right now, but they don't have content; they don't have curriculum; they don't have tools; they don't have anything; they're trying to start from basics with a logo and, "I'm going to be a coach," and you're like, well, that doesn't work. Signing up with coaches, I dude, I love that there's so many people want to coach and help, I unless you have experience with money and you have experience entrepreneurism, it's very difficult to be successful as a coach because the money game and the the lack of entrepreneurial skills—people treat it like it's some [ __ ] backpack hobby; it's a like laptop lifestyle coaching business; it doesn't work. The top coaches all have the same thing: they have experience in money; they have experience in business, and they choose to go help other people. And when you add those three together, those people win. The biggest players all have that with them; they know money, good money consciousness, good entrepreneur skills, marketing, sales, leadership, fulfillment, and they want to help other people. Those guys blow it fast; everybody else is just lost in the cesspool of coaching coaches coaches coaching coaches coaching coaches nonsense.

Well, to me, you have to have done something yourself first, because like again, to me, a good coach is someone who's who is somewhere, and they used to be somewhere else, and they're going to help those people not be there, yep, and get here, like in other words, "Hey, I used to be just like you, and now I'm me. So if you want to be like me, whatever that is, I can coach you to get to me." Why? Cuz I've done it, yep. But these coaches that haven't really done anything, they just want a coach, yep. Like I know coaches, dude, it's crazy to me because they're really I'd like to say delusional in thinking that they're building a coaching program, and dude, they don't have any money, yep; they don't have any thing figured out, nope; like they're [ __ ] lost, yep, and they're trying to get unlost by coaching because that's the thing to do, and it's like, guys, you have to to be a good coach, in my opinion—this is my opinion—you have to have been somewhere, and now you're not, and you know what you did and how you got out, and now go help the people you used to be. So who did you used to be? I used to be that guy. Okay, well then if you're if if you're still that guy, like, "Yeah, I used to be broke." You're still broke [ __ ]; like if all your [ __ ] worked, why don't you coach yourself? Yeah, well, dude, if you look at the funny is when you have like marketing consultants who will sit in a in a room with me, and they'll go, "Okay, so what's the challenge?" Ah, man, I'm just really struggling with leads. I say, "Okay, hold up, so you're a marketing consultant that's struggling with leads; that's like a trainer that's fat trying to figure out how to get fit, but you want to coach people to be fit; how you going to pull this off? It's not going to work." Well, that's not a very good analogy, and I'll tell you why: go because there's fat people that know how to get in shape; they just don't. Yeah, but name me a top fat trainer who has a big movement happening in fitness, a fat trainer who has a big movement of fitness happening. Well, they don't; they can guide people; it doesn't mean they don't have the knowledge; it just means like if you're going to follow the same standards, like you're going to follow somebody who has the result that you want. Yeah, but mar—but marketing, like you got to know what to do, and if you knew what to do, you wouldn't have a lead problem. Exactly. And then same thing, you may not know what—Well, there's knowing what to do, and then there's doing it; there's the difference. A lot of guys know what to do in their marriage; they just don't do it. A lot of guys know what to do to transform their body; they just don't do it. A lot of guys know what to do to be more connected to God, but they don't do it. Why do you think that is? That they can't get that freaking commitment, that grit, that freaking gumption to go, surrounded by women and surrounded by men who won't go. And when you're surrounded by women and surrounded by men who will not go, you will perpetually become weaker. If you're surrounded by men, that's what it is; they're just not surrounded with the right people. Yeah, dude, you—You would never just sit and just let everything go bankrupt; you would never just sit and let things fall apart; you go, you go, you go, you go. This is why we can run—like I go, you go. If I wasn't a guy who went, I wouldn't even be here on the show. When you're around dudes who go and who think big and who dream big and who push big and who are willing to [ __ ] hurt and create fast and go, if you're around that, you're only face two choices: either I'm going to become a guy that [ __ ] goes, or I'm going to be a guy that goes away. There's no choice in the middle; I'm not going to keep hanging out—like you don't spend time with dudes who don't produce; I don't spend time with guys who don't produce, sit around like victims whining about [ __ ] all day long. I don't have any time for this, none, zero, none, like goodbye; I appreciate you; go find somewhere else to hang out; I I have no time to hang out with you. But you would invite them to the group? Well, those people need to learn how to go, but if I'm sitting in a place where I'm with somebody in my own personal circles, like in my own personal circle, I'm surrounded by people who [ __ ] move fast. If you're on my team, you don't move; you're out. Our programs are filled with guys who are trying to figure out how to get in an environment with guys who go. So getting into—you have to get in environments—well, like fast way to get into anything is buy your way in. You want to know, get close to people who go so that you can learn how to go faster with them. Yeah, and then build one, yes, you know, build a group of people, yes, because like they leave that arena now; they're back home by themselves, surrounded by girls and people that won't go, yep. So you got to go to the to you got to go to the thing and then and then figure out how to stay plugged into the thing. Yes. Well, you we'll watch it happen; they come; they have the explosive moment, and then the panic hits because the pull of the past is so strong. This is why there's always opportunity to move into brotherhood and tribes with us because once you have the moment with the moment of awakening, when you wake up to holy [ __ ] what am I doing? Like, why am I tolerating this in myself? Why why am I doing this? Why have I allowed this to be the situation? I am [ __ ] better than this; what am I doing wrong? Like we do this on events all the time: make all the dudes take their shirts off, take all your [ __ ] shirts off. We got Warrior Fit over here; he would just take his shirt off; take my shirt off, like, "Hey, everybody's [ __ ] topless right now; look around at yourselves; what do you see? How do you feel about what you see? What do you normally see when—" Like at some level, after a while, you see a bunch of buff [ __ ] when you're around guys who go, and that's the standard. This happens cuz I—means in the very beginning, like I just heard about this thing; I'm going to go, and you get everybody taking their shirts off, you're going to see a lot of man titties, a lot of man titties and a lot of just out-of-shape bastards, out-of-shape bastards over 40 for sure. And again with the covered-up suit, like the insurance conference and the jacket and the tucked-in shirt, you don't notice cuz everybody around you is kind of that same way. Then you get put in a different environment, like Man in the Rena; you put yourself in a place where you can experience a new level of yourself by being mirrored back to a new standard, like here is the standard, like I'd run with Coach Carter and myself and a bunch of dudes are jacked, and we don't sit around and [ __ ] talk about food. The people that sit around and talk about food all the time are people are fat; all my family is obese; most of them, they talk about food all the [ __ ] time. You remember you remember that tuna pizza, yellow tail [Music]? Soon as you said that, cuz I intermittent fast, I ain't even eating today yet; as soon as you said that, I'm thinking [ __ ] dude, that tuna pizza sounds good. It's not that you don't think about food; it's you're not talking about it. Guys are—guys who are getting laid, unless your game is about leading guys to figure out how to get laid, you're not sitting around talking because you're in abundance with it; it's like part of what you are; it's not a conversation; it's just what you are. Like I'm constantly harping on topics of making more money, like we've we you were you came up in our room in one of our events; one of our guys was like, "What do I do about this? My wife's spending money." One of the other guys was like, "Well, I know what Brad Lee would tell him." I was like, "Well, give it to us." What would he say? Make more money. I was like, "Yeah, that's a [ __ ] good answer; why don't you just make more money instead of breaking your wife's breaking her down every month about how much she spent at Target? How much she spending at Target? 3,000? 5,000? 10,000?" She's spending 10,000 [ __ ] incredible, good on her. What is it? Okay, make more [ __ ] money and stop putting constraints on her. The whole room is like, "What?"

So yeah, you were influenced on a room you didn't even know it; you were a conversation starter; somebody listened to you rip on one of the podcasts and like, "Well, Brad says to this." And I was like, "I agree with Brad." Yeah, and I agree with it, and but what the key is is I said, if you're with a good woman and she's outspending you, then then you need to make more money, and people miss what I said cuz it's not any woman; it's a good one because a good one, dude, wouldn't outspend you first of all, so if she was, it means that you're just not making enough; get your ass up and figure out how to [ __ ] produce more so your good woman is not outspending your income. You jack off; go look in the [ __ ] mirror; be a man. Oh, that's not fair. Yes, it is [ __ ] fair [ __ ]; get into a position to receive commission; that's step one, yes. See, I got my own [ __ ] once you get me fired up, but but I don't I don't I don't uh I don't consider myself like worthy of speaking or going to a a all men's group. Why? Cuz dude, I think I'm still figuring [ __ ] out, bro. Everybody's still figuring [ __ ] out; I'm going to wait until I figured something out first; I ain't really figured [ __ ] out yet; I'm still [ __ ] wondering where to get these [ __ ] leads consistently and and and why do I tolerate stupid [ __ ]? Well, this this toleration it shifts; I'm just now starting to get in shape; I like it; I like it; I'm still [ __ ] shitty. Yeah, you're—Listen, you have your commitment cycle; it goes up; it goes down, and in the end, you're you're happy with what it is, so it's not about—You know what, I'm pretty [ __ ] good. That's what I'm saying though, like there's a certain standard that for everybody, but the standard is personally set, so I can be around dudes who are doing things and going, but in the end, it's all personal; it's you and your wife, you and your children, you and your life; you go to bed in your house; you have your business; it's your financials; it's your life. If you're [ __ ] cool with it, it's like, cool, I'm good with it; I want more, but I'm I'm [ __ ] proud of myself, what I've done. So it's not just about like, oh, I have to always [ __ ] be going based upon what everybody else is doing; it's the energy of people who are going; it's all different levels. I went to Miami, dude, holy [ __ ]; it's like I wonder—one dude I just met was happen to be rolling by in his 130-foot three stack, the $35 million; he just parked right in front of my house and backed up. I'd rent a little pontoon boat to take the kids to the sand dune or the the sandbar, and he pulls this [ __ ] in right in front of my house, like Garrett, so Josh Kirky, like, "What the [ __ ], dude? Let's go!" And I was like, I mean, that's another level; he's talking about buying 15, 20, $20 million yachts every other weekend; I'm not at that level. How do you make his dough? All real estate. So but his game—I don't have the—I'm not looking at him of like I need to have that so much as I am—I like hanging out with him because he [ __ ] goes, and he got motherfucked a few—about two years ago for like $32 million, and then turned it around, and like I said, I'm [ __ ] those guys and fixed it and repaired himself and got going. That energy of being around guys who do this—not about how much it is or how much sex I'm having or how much money I'm having; it's are you going? Are you growing? Are you getting more? Cuz the high isn't in arriving; that's why you'll never get there with the software unless you sell it, then even then you'll be left going, "Okay, well [ __ ], I just worked 25 years on Lifede; now my bank accounts are full; the [ __ ] am I going to do now?" Oh, I won't go there; I'll dump that [ __ ], get my bank accounts full, and then be like, "Finally, now I'm going to show y'all [ __ ] what's that?" For some reason, I think I put my value in that; I'm not there yet. You see, that's my own little weakness; like I don't really need it; I I suppose where is where's there where where's there yet where I can where I where I can finally say [ __ ] y'all? You already say [ __ ] y'all. No, no, like if the dude rolls up like like you know if if you had a G7, you know, jet and and and you you're cruising around the [ __ ] country whenever you want, like, dude, that's cool; like I ain't that cool. Yeah, but it—dude, is levels, and you know how many—I know, but I need to get to that level. Got it? Then I can say what's happening. Well, half the guys I know that did that in Miami sold them all; I have dudes over there saying, "You should get a yacht." I had dudes over there that have had yachts for 10 years, like, "Don't get a [ __ ] yacht, dude; it's a pain in the ass; you won't want a [ __ ] yacht; just get a nice boat you can drive in front all low." Cuz no matter what peak we get to, after a period of time, it will become normal, and that normal will become numb, and in that numbness, what was a paradise will become a prison. That's right; finally [ __ ] got a dropping bomb; finally. That is correct; that is correct though too, because even with me, like at my level, you know, and by the way, my level's way beyond most people's levels, but at the end of the day, I'm hanging around people that are way above me, and so it's like to me it's like like my Rolls-Royce Ghost, yeah, like you know, it was cool, but now I'm like, do I really want this [ __ ] thing? And now I got another Ferrari coming, and it's like I'm not really sure; I still have one; I don't even want that one. I mean, yeah, they're fun to drive once in a while, but they're taking up room; like I don't want this [ __ ] anymore. You know what I want? I want my [ __ ] truck; yeah, that's all I want; like I don't need all this [ __ ] anymore. I never thought I'd say that, but now I'm getting to that. So what you just said is exactly true. So so then why even go the whole way? Like why even worry about the jet? Like I want to—at least I think a jet would just be—I think I think the jet just—consider this this—so in our world, we call this impossible game mapping. No, no matter who we are, our high is not ever in arriving; it is in the pursuit of, and I—it took me a long time to figure out was I pursuing a thing? Like why why am I ruthlessly committed—my urinal—with starting back to our original conversation, making it past the kitchen, not pissing in the sink, don't piss on the floor, don't piss in the fridge, don't piss in the ice maker, let's go to the toilet—is multiple billionaire, period. And people—why does it matter? I was like, well, here's what—nothing, not a lot. I live a [ __ ] ridiculously great life now; I have help everywhere; we travel the best; we go everywhere; it's great; I sometimes privvest, sometimes commercial, doesn't m—like I have a great life [ __ ] beyond anything I could have imagined growing up, period. And what I am interested in finding out is who is Gary J White, the multi-billionaire? Like what does—how does this guy think? How does he operate in the world? Like I'm getting more and more calm over the years; I'm still fired up, but I'm way more calm than I was like 5 years ago. 5 years ago, I just [ __ ] yelled all the time; now I'm kind of in this place; it's just different; I'm like, if that's happening when I'm almost 50, if I'm multi-billionaire at 60, what what is that guy thinking? How does he treat his wife? How does he treat his kids? His grandchildren? What is different about him? Because this guy is going to operate a certain way, but that guy would be mentoring this guy; I would be getting mentored by a version of me, and this version of me existed 10 years ago, but I had to go uncover him. So I'm more interested in how what I am and who I am as power expands, what am I willing to do? What am I willing to let go of? What things do I care about now that I'm not going to give a [ __ ] about at that point? What things do I currently do that I would never do again? What things do I tolerate right now that would be completely unacceptable for that guy? What if you what if you like try to think of those things, Garrett, and and the answer is I wouldn't even be with my wife; could be like if I had 10 billion dollars, I think to myself, why would I even want a wife? These are great questions, and by the way, my wife better be freaking perfect because with $10 billion, dude, then you start like going down those paths, and you're like, "Dang." Well, then why would you need to be a billionaire to do that? And then pretty soon you're like, "Dang, dude, would I even do I even want to be married?" You get people questioning, yes, which is good; it's healthy. I know, but that that's what people might be afraid of because they won't commit, you know what I mean?

Well, this is one of the reasons why we created the tools we did, so we have a tool called stacking; it's one of the tools we'll talk about with Man Arena; it's the ability for me to have these conversations in a an environment that is safe for me to be honest about my thought process because our thought process can go to scary places; our thought process can go to inspiring places; we can be inspired by how terrified we are, just the problem of it. Anytime I'm unboxing what my frame of reality is about my marriage, about my kids, about my business, about my life, like what the [ __ ] do I really want now? It takes a lot of courage to actually challenge what you have obtained and what you've built, say, "Okay, well, what if this is not it? What if the only reason I built Life BVT was to exit so that I could do the thing that God's actually called me to do? What if the thing I'm actually supposed to—

Do is over here. It's not this. And what if this was just a preparation to get me to this place so that I could go do this thing? Mission may have been, could completely be.

So when I start giving myself permission to think that way and open up the container—like if you go into the Bible, in the Old Testament, Abraham—this was exactly what God challenged him on. Abraham asked for this big thing, and then God comes to him and gives him three requirements before all of it starts: Listen. First thing you have to do is leave your country. You're going to second, leave your family. Third, you're going to have to leave your father's house. Translated in my world, is what means leave my country? I have to leave the the world I built for myself if I want to go to this new place. I can't stay here. I can't keep thinking the same way about this world I've built, no matter how good it is, to go to a new place. What got me here cannot take me there. Some of it I can take with me, but most of it I cannot.

Second, leave your family. The box I put my wife in—it was my stories about my wife that kept her contained. Like I said, for 12 years, because of feeling sexually rejected, my wife doesn't even want sex. She doesn't even care about sex. My wife's not even a sexual woman. I told her this so many times, she started taking that identity on. So we're sitting in therapy in 2016-17, which is a critical year for us. She's on one end of the couch; I'm on the other end of the couch; we're talking to the therapist. And out of nowhere, on the right side here, this little 10-5B woman screams at the therapist, "I want to [ __ ]! I want to be [ __ ] good! I just don't want to do it with him!" And I was like, "Well, that's shattering my story pretty good." I was like, "Oh [ __ ] you, you do want to [ __ ], you just don't want to [ __ ] this guy." Okay, well at least we're getting to some truth there. There is a sexual savage in there. There's a [ __ ] ready to unleash and be a stripper. I just don't have the access codes, 'cause the way I'm showing up—are you sure it's the way you're showing up? Maybe it's the way you look. It could have been both. It could have been both, dude. In about 5 years ago is when—But what if it's the way you look, or something you can't—you can't—you can't affect? Could absolutely be. Well, she likes tall dudes, and you're short. It could absolutely be. But again, come back to the same thing: If I'm stuck in a situation where she doesn't want me, if I have certainty in myself and ground myself in that truth, and I get clear about the thing I want—and I can't get clear about the thing I want until I'm clear about where I'm at—because I can't own this [ __ ], there's no possible way I'm going to be committed to go there, 'cause any vision I create for myself will just be a fantasy. But it is scary. Like, can you—What if she doesn't want to be with you? What if it was all a ruse, and she actually chose you because you were the safe bet? Yeah, or or she just [ __ ] up, got pregnant, she settled, settled for you. She rationalized her dreams and settled for your fat ass.

This is why when guys introduce their wives to me and they'll be like, "Oh, here's my better half," I'm like, "You can stop that [ __ ] right now! Stop, 'cause that means that your wife married down. If you married up, she married down." And I look at her, I'm like, "I'm sorry that you chose down. Like, what the [ __ ] are you saying, bro? You're like literally putting yourself in the hole, saying, 'Yeah, I got real lucky; I'm just a good marketer; I got this girl, and she chose down and chose me.'"

You know, interesting, interesting thing—we were looking through some studies—very rarely do you see two tens together, like super hot, like male model style dude with like a super hot female model—hardly ever together—because both of these individuals, as tens, have been pursued by sixes, sevens, and eights their whole lives, so they almost end up with—I see in the speaking world, too. It's interesting. You'll see somebody's like a guy, super powerful, good-looking, and you meet his wife, and you're like, "Seven, not bad." You meet like super hot girl, and she's like with like a seven, you're like, "Not bad." But how'd this happen? 'Cause like the the attraction factor isn't there. It's different. They've been pursued their whole life; they don't actually know how to pursue. Well, not—not—not only that, but there's some people with with taste, you know, like somebody—somebody doesn't like blondes, let's say. Maybe you don't like brunettes, you know. So someone might think she's a seven, but someone that—I mean, you think she's a 10. I've seen that before. I have a buddy of mine that just freaking is in love with his girl, and I think his girl's kind of ugly. And I always think to myself like, "Dude, why—like, why don't you get a freaking hot chick?" And and he's like, "You know, oh, my girl, she's so hot." And I'm like, "Ugly, dude! I mean, borderline ugly, but he thinks she's hot, dude." And I—And I almost envy that, like, "Dude, I want to be in that relationship where like if someone said, 'Brad, just be truthful, what do you want out of your marriage?' Dude, I just want mine to like—like me more. And if you ask her, she says she loves me, but like I don't feel it. I don't feel it." Well, that—I listen, and she always says every day, "Why do you keep saying that?" And it's like, "Dude, I don't know. I feel like if you—I think if a girl loved you, she would be like googly-eyed and, you know, adore you and, you know, obsessed with you and like you were in the beginning." Yeah, let's go worshipping. Yeah, I want—I want one to worship me, then then I'll feel like she loves me. Every guy has—aire with my wife, too. Can you fix that, some—Well, sometimes she goes there, and other—most of us times she doesn't. I think the kids, man, the kids game plays a real hard factor. Young children—the game up, bro. They make it very difficult. And I try to be—I don't want to say uh, you know, I try to be open-minded and be like tolerant—that's the word—I try to be like, "Okay, because otherwise what am I going to do, divorce?" Yeah, what a dick—that would—that'd be a dick move. I'd divorce her because, you know, she she's not worshipping me. How would you know she was worshipping you? Like, if you look—if I could feel it, okay, I would know it. Yes, you know, I'd look over, and she'd be staring at me with googly eyes, and that feeling—every guy's after—there's not one guy that doesn't want that. Every guy wants it. Yeah. So should I just blow her out? No. This—this is an approachable conversation of saying, "Okay, it's just like Danielle approached me two years ago." Hey, but—but knowing what that feeling is like, have you felt it with her before, prior to the kids? I'm telling you, kids are—I don't know, because again, when—when I—when I was—when we first met, I wasn't going to get married ever again. I already told myself, "Shit, dude, I'm straight up single forever." I was 40. Well, here comes this 21-year-old, black fingernail polish, you know, cool, laid-back, tight little body—ah, you know, I'll hang with her for a minute, that's all I thought. But she was just so cool and laid-back, and we never argued, and she was like a friend, and and you know, that went on for three or four years, and she wanted to get married and have kids, and I'm like, "Okay, whatever." You know, I—I already divorced once, so who cares? Like, I—I've already—you know, what's the worst that can happen? And and so I—and so—and so I did. We—we got married, but I—I don't think we've ever been like this madly in love couple. Do you have polarity with her? What you mean by polarity? Tension? No. Do you want tension? No. You do? I do. Because guess where the worshipping feeling comes from? Tension and polarity. If there's no—if there's no tension, then there can't be any attraction. That's the wildest part about it. That's why like if you look back even relationships you had in the past where you had the most fighting, you likely had the best sex, too. Like, typically that goes hand in hand, which is collision that leads to [ __ ], like up, down. So when you release tension, attraction fades. And attraction is us feeling wanted. If we can feel—but that requires tension. But if we avoid the tension, which most guys do—they avoid collision over things they want, or they avoid collision over what is—and so they don't realize that in avoiding collision or quote people pleasing, which is really collision avoidance, they're killing attraction. This—what, dude? It was [ __ ] weird. I got this way with Danielle like 3 years ago. I realized if my wife's not slightly irritated at me half the week, our sex is garbage. And by irritated, I mean like I'm going to do me; I'm going here; I don't agree with that. No. Yes. Drew boundaries, and I—I was tracking this [ __ ], watching it happen. The more I played my lane and created tension with her, she's like, "Well, I don't believe—I don't agree with this. That's fine; you don't have to agree with this." Or she's like, "Well, listen, what do I think?" I'm like, "Okay." She would tell me, and then she's like, "What are you going to do?" I'm not going to do that, but I heard you, but I'm not going to do that. Why aren't you listening to me? I did listen to you, but I'm—That does—because I listening does not mean agreeance. I'm not agreeing with you because you say it; I'm just saying I'm—I'm listening to you. You can tell me—no, I'm still going to do this, but I appreciate you sharing with me. It created this interesting tension, which accelerated attraction. The minute Danielle and I are not fighting—meaning having disagreements about things—our attraction goes down because the tension goes down. Tension and attraction go down. It's kind of like we don't do the vaginal masturbation thing anymore, which is what it used to be for a while, which was like I kind of just felt like I was with a [ __ ] sex doll, 'cause she wasn't even—do—she wasn't participating. I'm like, "This is [ __ ] nonsense!" So then I didn't tolerate that anymore. I was like—so she at least knows now she'll turn it on and like do the noises and talk in my ear and bite my ear and scratch my back, and 'cause she knows I want it, and then we'll get down. I'll be like, "Any of that real?" She's like, "No, but I love you." I'm like, "I don't give a [ __ ] if it was real or fake; that was good. Well done." Yeah, but I want it real. I get it real, too, but it's not going to be real most of the time for a woman who's juggling little kids. Like, when you have the little babies—that's why all my single buddies are like—this girl—and why don't I counsel—going from one dude—single, never been married—he's like, "You know what you need to do? I was—when she comes out of the bathroom, you just walk up to her and say, 'Bend over; I'm [ __ ] you right now!'" I said, "I hear—I hear where you're coming with that strategy—um, yeah, that's going to backfire with my wife real quick." Or—or—or they—or they're like, "Hurry up." Yeah, see, the hurry up thing, dude, my wife did that one time, and—and—and I told her, "Yeah, don't ever do that." And that's the boundary. So it's like, "Hey, this is not okay; this is okay." Yeah, there's no hurry up. No—like, dude, my [ __ ] will go in about two seconds, and I'll—and I'll literally start to feel disgust for her. Yeah, immediately. Or I won't like her. Yes. And I warned her, "Don't do that [ __ ]!" Yeah, like it makes me just instantly think you're gross, and I want you out of here. Danielle had a different one; hers was in the middle of going—if we were like now, like five, six minutes—she used to do this in the past, and I put Julian—I'm not doing this [ __ ] anymore. She would—she'd like lean up and go, "I don't think you can go." Like, it would be like in it, and then pull out of it, and she's like, "I don't think you can go." I was like, "Okay." So you've never said anything less inspiring in your entire life to me. Here I am in the action with you; we're going, and then you're telling me you don't think—this isn't a challenge. Like, I don't take it on as a challenge when she says like, "Oh, yeah, well, let me show you." I'm like, "Uh, too long for you; I got it." You know, hold 10 minutes. But again, these are all boundaries, too, just like you. I was like—I just drew boundaries. Most guys cannot do this. They cannot draw boundaries in the marriage; they can't draw boundaries in their business; they can't draw boundaries with themselves. They don't have any integrity with themselves, and so they struggle. I have no integrity; I have no boundaries; I have no polarity. You should have polarity with the world. Polarity with the world is what brings attraction. The reason people love your show is because you create polarity and tension every [ __ ] episode. Being around you as a man, you create tension everywhere. Things you say, how you say them, the comments you make, the jokes you make, the sidelines, the catches—all of it—it creates tension, 'cause nobody really knows where they're going to be at. It's like the girl out in the hallway with like, "How old are you?" 31. I'm immediately hitting—where's the [ __ ] [ __ ] button? He wasn't thinking 31, but you just [ __ ] with people always because it creates tension, and it's more fun for you to live that way because there's tension. Even when we're at dinner, you're like the same way. I'm like [ __ ] laughed that hard in my entire—like, there's only one other person who made me laugh that hard at dinner was besides you was Keith Yaki. Like, I was [ __ ] pissing myself for like an hour straight. You just kept going. Tension isn't his last name. Perfect for a comedian. It is. Yeah, Yaki Yaki. It's a perfect last name for Yaki. He should be the a comedian. Yeah, he should be a comedian. Now he just teaches people how—what happened? He didn't like that uh—I think he—I think he realized that he—there's no money in comedy unless you're like a superstar, and he got real focused on what his purpose is. But she actually launched Marriage Game. Wrote his first book. His first book came out. He's coaching several hundred guys right now, and it's working. It's a—it's a good—it's a good-looking book. It looks real good. I don't know if Neil Strauss is—and you know, I—I've heard his spiel, and and you know what? It makes sense, like start showing up like this, start doing this, start doing that, and it's hard to do because you almost need to do it without expecting anything. That's 100% the principle, which is real hard for married guys, which makes you like in my mind kind of a—of a [ __ ] almost in a way, but—but he—but he changes it with the whole other dial. So it's like, you know, you got to—you know, want to wash dishes and like help and stuff, and I'm like, "See, dude, that's where I [ __ ] draw the line. I don't wash dishes. Look, I—I work, okay? I pay bills, okay? I'm not washing [ __ ] dishes, okay? I'm not going to come home and help, okay? I help by doing this. Yeah, okay? Now, if you want some other kind of help, hire the [ __ ] help. Like, I'm okay with that. If I go home and she's got a freaking handy person walking around fixing [ __ ], cool. I'm not fixing [ __ ] when I get home. But if that's what it takes to be loved again—it's like, see, this is where I struggle. I think it's less about being loved and get rid of the kitchen stuff, 'cause I don't do that [ __ ] either. It's any behavior that I'm making across. So I used to do everything with an agenda. If I—if I help clean the house—which we had clean—if I help—I was kind of looking over like a kid looking to their parent for attention. Did you see me do that? If I clean the house, if I help with the kids, if I put them to bed, I was always having this thought for years of like, she—she saw this; she's definitely going to [ __ ] because I did that. I just had an agenda. And then I realized, I'm a parent; I have kids; that's part of what I do. I love my children; I want to spend time with my kids. Regardless—we're [ __ ] because I love my children. I want to—I want to make sure my house is clean and ready to go. I want [ __ ] to not break around here. I'm going to do [ __ ] around here 'cause this is my castle. Now the conversation is, what if she's messing it up? Well, then she's—she's on it. I don't really care about the clean castle. I mean, I do, but I don't—not as much as she does. She's way more obsessed with it. When I stripped away all of my sexual agenda and then just focus on seduction and then just being a man in my own house. Yeah, like I want my [ __ ] to be right in the house. Okay, cool. So I'm going to do these things not because I'm trying to get laid; I'm doing these things because this is what a person in a partnership does. That's what I'm—handle. There's a part—there's dogs [ __ ]—my dogs [ __ ]—hate the dogs. The dogs will [ __ ] in the house. I clean this [ __ ] up. There's a clogged toilet; my kids won't—the daughters won't touch it; my wife won't touch them. I [ __ ] plunge the toilet. Why? 'Cause I don't want to see [ __ ] sitting in my toilet. That doesn't bother you? It doesn't bother me in the sense that I do it because I'm part of the family. For me, it works for me. But I used to attach all of that behavior to—now she's going to want to [ __ ] me more. No. She wants to [ __ ] me more with one thing: if she gets time and feels seen. If my wife gets time with me, and she wants particular time—she wants time, not just scheduled date night—she wants to know that I chose her over the business. So do you—did you guys have long conversations, and she was open enough to tell you? Totally. We did—through therapy, through arguments, debates, conversation—we—we—we went far—hard in the paint with the whole thing—because me and my girl—like if she heard this podcast—hopefully she doesn't listen to this one—she'll get a little bit—She's private; she doesn't like me talking about anything. And—and—and but I mean, I don't know if she'd be open enough to tell me anything because we got a pretty good relationship. I'm just, you know, egging you on and and using it for the—for the—for the conversation, 'cause we got a pretty good relationship. But there's also some truth to what I'm saying. Like, dude, she feels—she feels um—like I know she loves me and all that, but like I don't feel like she's in love with me. Yeah, because we've been together so long, and I just rationalize—like I don't feel like she's in love with me like other girls would be if I allowed them to be. And it's like it almost feels like—but then I always like—again, I'm a nice guy—think, "Well, I'm sure there'd be, you know, dudes following her around if I were to allow that to happen." So at the end of the day, it's like maybe I'll just calm down a little bit, you know, appreciate what I have and quit being such a [ __ ] demanding prick. Well, and don't—you can be appreciative for what you have and still desire and want more. But how do I get her to do it? 'Cause ideally, if she—Yeah, was in love with me—and when I say in love, you know what I'm talking about—yes, like the new relationship—yep—she would have to speak her truth, and that means you would have to be able to receive it without reacting. I don't know, dog; I might need restraint, dude. That's—But that's a hard piece, 'cause I was so—My wife said to me what yours said to you. I don't know if she'd be my wife ever again. I get it, dude, 'cause—'cause I'd be like, "What does that mean?" Yeah, what do you mean—not me? Who do you want? Describe him. You know, I'd be pissed. Well, there wasn't a particular face, 'cause I did ask. I was like, "Is there someone else? Are you DMing someone else? Are you talking to someone else?" She's like, "No, I'm just—I don't even see faces; I just see a guy who's powerful who sees me for who I am." Yeah, they want to be loved, too. Of course they do. But we don't know how to love them, 'cause we're men. Yeah, and that's the struggle, which is how can you—Here's the thing: If I can't see me, I can't see you. So if I struggle in owning my truth with who I am, if I struggle in seeing the value in who I am as a man, it's impossible for me to see the value in my wife. It's impossible to see my value in brothers, in friends, in partners. I can't see it because I'm blocked in myself. I can only see what I can see in me. Yeah, but like, have you ever had a—you had a Lambo? Do you still have it? Okay. What if it was like—got a little ding in the—in the door, couple places where it's just—you can see them; you can see the dings, and like the back wheels kind of low and scuffed like—and—and you—you don't get another one, dude. That's it. Aren't you just a little bit bummed? Yeah, you get it fixed. How is the question? Well, with the car, easy. With a relationship that's got a flat tire—with a marriage or business or a door ding where it just—it's just—Yeah, it's not quite perfect. Yes. Well, then—then we look at and we say, "Okay, well, I got this relationship with a door ding." And then you realize you were the one that hit it with the bat, and you're the one that stuffed the knife in the tire, and you're like, "Fuck, I'm the guy who did this." Yeah. Well, that's the past. Quit living in the past. How do we fix this? The question is—this is, by the way, this is what Danielle does in arguments with me. She'll bring [ __ ] up from like 5 years ago, and like she'll say this and this and this, and she'll say it, and then the minute I do it, she'll say that—no, we're not talking about the past; we're talking about right now. Is that—you just reference the past for 10 minutes? Like, what are you talking about? By the way, I found out the—the best way to—to argue with my wife—just agree. Like, just listen to her. Well, I always say, "Hey, listen to my wife, and we get along because I make the big decisions; she gets to make the little decisions, and we ain't had a big decision [Laughter] yet. It's true." Okay, so you see the energy of this conversation—like this energy—guys need it—like this kind of energy of just talking, bullshitting, being around and getting to truth, having fun. This itself is why events that we've done for 13 years work. It's why every—every Warrior week we've run, every Warrior Conference we've run, every big money—or big money events we've run—anything we've done for our guys—half of the value or more is the fact that they're in a room with dudes where they can say, "Oh [ __ ], I'm not the only one that thinks like this." No. And that there's a—there's a way to be different, to think different, to create different, to have something different. Or we have to stop bitching about what we have—one of the two. It either you're good with what you got, or you're not. And if you're not, then you don't like the door dings, and you don't like the flat tires, and you keep pissing in the kitchen, and you're not making it to the urinal, and your wife's wondering why there's so much urine in your [ __ ] kitchen sink, and it's because you're pissing in it. There's another path, which is find a new way. Find a new way. And by the way, that's why your wife don't want to [ __ ] you. Yeah, pissing—well, because you're half-assed. Yes. You can't be half-ass, lukewarm, and expect your girl to freaking freak out about you. That's what I think, dude. When I'm coming over here to do the show, my wife never used to do stuff like this. She's going to hang out with my daughters, doing her thing, hanging out with Carter's wife, Alyssa, and she looks at me—I come over by her—she grabbed me by the face, kissed me on the lips, and says, "Crush a show, Brad." Well, I've never used to say [ __ ] like this ever. Now I can't acknowledge it too much because then she starts stops doing it. So I'm just like this immovable thing. I'm talking about though—has opened that inside every woman is a [ __ ] and a stripper. Every single one. There's a version of your wife and mine—high heels, stripper, pulled—doing the thing, doing the dance, sitting on your face, doing the lap dance—all of it—wild as [ __ ]. How do we know? Because if it's not us, these women could go with another guy who would [ __ ] unleash that in them. That's right. And that's what pisses me off. I know. I mean, I played this on my—I've met that woman before—a couple of times—a handful of times—so I know she's in there. I know—the question is how come Shane ain't always in there? And you're right—there's a dude out there—ain't me—for some reason. And that's what pisses me off. I get it because I wish it was just—I'm the dude—because there is a dude out there that'll bring that out in her. Do you know the thing—these guys—and what's funny is she probably doesn't even want the dude except for once in a while. It's like [ __ ] you. Here's the—here's the thing—you think about it though—what is it that—that guy—like, why does short-term affairs—why are they so spicy? Because every guy's had the thought—every girl's had the thought. Okay, why though? In that environment, she's not looking for safety and security at all; she's only looking for one thing. People get divorced; they cheat for one reason: It's not because they're not feeling safe and secure; it's because they don't feel seen, period. This is why you'll have very powerful dudes who make incredible amounts of money, and their wife is [ __ ] some other dude—like Brady. Yes. And you're like, "How the [ __ ] are you going to be [ __ ] around on Tom Brady?" She's—Jazelle's not being seen. He's not around; she's not getting time. All of a sudden, jiu-jitsu instructor is looking good. Okay, I think I'm going to go this direction. Somebody's not feeling seen; they will desperately search to be seen. Guys want to be seen; guys want to be seen by other men; guys want to be seen by their woman; guys want to be seen by other women. And the fun part is the more women that your wife sees seeing you, the more she will feel drawn to you. It's not a good thing if you're walking around—no woman's—

Looking at you, but your wife, because the minute she sees that you're getting attention, that also says, "Oh, I got a high-value man." Because there's other women that are looking at my guy, and there's other guys that are looking at my guy. Oh, that's my guy. But this whole game can be created, and it's not just about marriage; it just happens to be the thing that's the most painful for guys—trying to unlock this Rubik's Cube that's constantly [ __ ] changing. Add kids to the mix, it's changing; kids get older, it's changing. I'm dealing with both sides of it: toddlers and teenagers. Two teenage girls that are very powerful—one's 18, one's 13. These two girls have mouths, and they are intense, and they're on fire, and they argue, and they go after it; they fight over dresses and take their mom's clothes, and then Danielle loses her [ __ ]. Then I got toddlers and a three-year-old whose favorite word is [ __ ]. So it's like I'm kind of dealing with the heat sauce of both of these and navigating and winning, still. Is it always perfect? Hell no, it's not always perfect. How could it be? What even is perfect? What happens though is progression. Is it better now than it was last year? Yes. And that's a question you get asked; that's a question I get asked; a question every guy gets asked: Are you better this year than you were last year? Were you the same? Are you weaker? Is the marriage better? Is it not better? What does next year look like? What am I pursuing now, now that we got here? What's next? Like, I know I'm in a huge work frenzy right now, and my wife is not feeling seen; she's not real excited to be here at Texas World. She's excited, but not excited, 'cause she also knows the next four days are going to be just business. You speaking there? Are you just attending? We brought 60 of our team members and clients here.

Well, you're just bought into that whole 10x deal.

Yeah, I like it. Brandon Dawson's great. Brandon Dawson's smart dude.

Yeah, I don't spend a ton of time with Grant; most of my time is with Brandon.

Well, Brandon's a smart dude. Grant, Grant's a cool dude, but if you want to get to be real wealthy, just emulate his real estate place. Like, dude, he's been doing that since day one. Yeah, he's [ __ ] killing it, and it's the main reason he's got what he's got. You can, you know, I always claim, you know, I did this for him and I did that for him. I mean, yeah, I showed him how to make five, six, seven million a month, almost all profit, um, that he used to fuel. But dude, his real estate, and he's always been doing that, is why he's got what he's got. And then he, and then we were skiing one time in Deer Valley, and he saw this huge house, and he asked, "What's that guy do?" And the guy goes, "Oh, he's a hedge fund manager." And Grant goes, "Dude, I got to get a fund." And dude, within [ __ ] a year he had one, and boom, he like, he moves, dude. He don't play; like he doesn't [ __ ] around. He's a good marketer; he's a good businessman. But dude, if you want to get wealthy wealthy, just copy his real estate place. All he's doing is buying cash-flowing assets. Yeah, he's [ __ ] smart. The [ __ ] they're doing right now. So Brandon, off the chart. Brandon's smart as [ __ ], incredibly smart. Like Brandon's ability to like just understand systems and structure and scale, which is why, which why we align so much. I wanted the energy of what Grant and Elena were about, and at the same time, I wanted like the detailed structured strategy with Brandon, which is why I work with them one-on-one to help us take what we're doing at Warrior to a place that can go global. I just want, I want to impact more people, impact more men. It's why, man, the arena tours happen, and the whole tour is a G; it's a, it's bas—is, I built another business as if I wasn't already busy with my two brands as it is. But this one's different because it's a collaborative experience. This isn't the Garrett show; I'm part of the show. You're bringing in all the badasses; all the badasses. Where can people get tickets?

ManInArenaTour.com. Man in arena. Man in the arena. Thearena.com.

Yep. How'd you get that website? God damn it. Is it man-in-thereour.com? Oh, it's man-in-the-our.com. You're right. ManInTheArenaTour.com. Thank you for fixing my domain. Yes, folks, go get a ticket if you're, if you're, you know, at all curious as to freaking how do you get the perfect life? How do you get it all? How do you get all of it? Because I think that's what it shows you. Yeah, there's people that got a little money, but they ain't got the love; they ain't got the—they ain't got it all. Like, dude, how do you get it all? Yeah, start with man-in-the-our.com. Beautiful. Don't say Brad Lee didn't do nothing for you. Thanks for coming in, dude. Anytime you come to Vegas, you're always welcome to come by and shoot the [ __ ]. I like it. We'll make you a co-host. Damn near co-host. Folks, don't say we didn't do nothing for you today. Re-hit rewind; listen to it again. Until next time, keep that [ __ ] real. I'm picking it up.