Reprogramming the Subconscious Mind after Failure | Identifying Regret & Shame

The lessons that we pull from failure are priceless. I had this feeling of being a failure of a dad. That was my biggest point of regret because I didn't see my daughter for the first 3 years of her life. Shame is ruthless. It sneaks up in you. Puts you into a prison. You cannot get out.

Quitters never win and winners never quit. That's only half true. When you experience small doses of failure, it has an effect on your immunity to failure. We lose the most when we're hanging on to so many things from the past that no longer deserve to be carried. Let's specifically talk about how the mind processes the past. We good? Let it rip. Here we go. What is failure? Remember from yesterday we talked about failure is a what? An operating system upgrade. Is failure scary?

[Music] Discuss it. Discuss, but not like a mouse. Is failure scary? Yes. Yes. Y'all think it's scary? Y'all ain't in a church. You don't have to have the right answer. Is failure scary? Yeah, it's sometimes really, really, really scary. But what is it? It's an upgrade. It's like taking a healthy dose of vitamin D. It's like it's good for you. It's good for us, but it can still be scary.

What does failure do? It modifies our responses. When we have an experience with failure, it will it will first modify us. It will modify something. No one goes through failure without a modification protocol that runs autonomously through your brain. Now, the danger here is that failure can sometimes modify us in the wrong ways. True. So we have to be aware of what is this, what is this making me want to do? What is this trying to modify in me? When people lack self-awareness, they lose a lot of control because you're not aware. You're sleepwalking. Somebody can mess with you and you wouldn't even know it. So, we have to sort of take back a little bit of dominion over my over our minds. Like, what's this trying to modify in me? And do I approve? Did you know that you can disapprove a modification? You can reject it. Did you know that? Discuss. We'll do it again. All right. Do you see the person sitting next to you? Turn to them and answer. Give them your answer since you're afraid to give me your answer. Let's just sneak through this.

Here's what else failure does. It modifies a response. It also increases certainty. Can certainty be increased in the positive sense? Yes. Can it be increased in the negative sense? Yes, it can. Once again, we have the opportunity to override programming. And how we do this by saying, what does this actually mean? We get into looping. What we're going to fix is what something means. If you think that something means that, what does it mean? It means the thing you think it means. I feel like Dr. Seuss. If you think that it means something, it means the thing you think it means. That actually is really good. Somebody should write that down and create a kids book. It doesn't fact-check you unfortunately like a phone. It doesn't really fact-check the right way. But it what it does fact-check is is this easy enough to repeat? That's what it's that's a bad fact-check system. When you're building a business, you're building SOPs. How many great entrepreneurs are like, is this easy? Well, you you don't have a business very long. You may you may survive for a month or two, but when we pursue expedience over quality, bad things happen. But our brains are not worried about the quality of your life. They're worried about survival. And if you run out of energy, you don't survive. So that's how we were programmed from the very beginning.

So this is how failure, we want to like look at it Marcus Aurelius style. You Marcus Aurelius would just take something, break it down to the dumbest level possible so he could understand what containers it goes into. We're doing that a little bit with failure. So, we should sort of be feeling like, okay, failure is just a thing. It should start losing its its pull on you the more you bring it out of your body and into your mind. Analyze it. Look at it. What is it actually supposed to do and what does it mean? The lessons that we pull from failure are priceless, irreplaceable. That's what we want. We want the lessons. But when we go through failure and we personalize the lessons, what does it mean to personalize something? Yeah, it's connected to sort of like me. So if you are um if you're driving on a car, Ryan pulled into the parking lot this morning like a bat out of hell. Completely inappropriate. And we were like, "What are you doing? Boo. It's not safe, man. It's not safe for the rest of us." And you're driving and you get into a wreck. And is there a lesson in this? Yes. Slow down. That's the lesson. Thank you. But if you personalize this too much and it becomes a part of your identity and every time you're driving, you believe that you got in a wreck because of you. Not because of what you did, but because of you. This is where we go from guilt to shame. And it converts boom seamlessly. Guilt. I got in trouble. I feel bad because I did the wrong thing. If you can get your kid to this place, you're an A+ parent. This is ridiculously hard to do. You you're telling me you hit your brother because he exists. Let's try to connect this back to the other day. My kids were playing in the in the living room. She's got her headphones on and I walk out and Harrison, my 2-year-old, is like running, running, tripped, fell. He's like, "Ah." He is saying, and Kate just stands up, goes over, takes all the toys he was carrying, and walks away. I was like, "Why did you do that when he was down?" She's like, "They were mine first. I was born first." It's like, yo, we got a problem. But this is kind of how the brain works. You know, this is opportunity. Bam. It's mine. Yeah. So, it's this thing I'm thinking through like, okay, well, I don't want her to live in shame, but a little bit of guilt would be healthy. Just feel maybe we should feel some remorse for the uh bad behavior. But then a sneaky thing happens when when like a parent goes too hard on this and then a child stops feeling feeling guilt for what they did and they start feeling shame for who they are and then they begin to just green card license everything they do knowing that they feel bad about it because it's who they are and if it's who you are what do you do about it? And as kids, we grow up into adults and we personalize, we integrate into our identity something that was just a lesson. All it was for was education. All it needed to do was increase certainty, but instead it increased the certainty that you are a bad person. Shame. And shame is ruthless. It sneaks up in you. It puts you into a prison. You cannot get out. So, we have to reprogram this. Make sense?

There are three types of failure. I'm just going to give them to you. Write them on your notebook or your notes. Good luck with this notebook. By the way, this is the first time I've tried to put my material in a notebook and I just don't really do notebooks. So, hopefully you figure it out. This is on page 65. Price Pritchette. Anybody heard of him? Oh yeah. Dude is incredible. Price Pritchette. He's an M&A acquisitions mergers and acquisition specialist out of Texas. Um he's like pretty sure he's best friends with like Noah. He lived a long life and he like is just wise wise. He wrote this book called um You Squared. Yes. You heard that? My friend Benjamin Hardy uh wrote the book 10x is easier than 2x. A lot of the original founding material for like quantum growth came from Price. It's one of the first guys that I think did a decent job of taking the quantum realm and plugging it into business environments. Now we're like about to go on a tear with this because now that one person has done it, everyone sees it. You can't unsee it. Have you ever seen had that moment? I can't unlearn this. I can't unsee this. My whole life is different. So when you get this, it starts to reclassify everything.

The New Testament was a giant list of if-then equations. If-then, if this happens, then let's do it again. Ready? Da. If this happens, then this happens. And we connect the dots together. If there's traffic, then some of us are like, I'm going to be late. Some of us are more mature. I'm going to leave early. This is up to you. However you want to live. If this happens, then the our our brains love, they work this way. So you look at the New Testament and you see these guys and they're like slowly going through these if-then statements and getting better and better and better. Some of them don't believe that Jesus is who he says he is and some of them do and then you see just these domino effects start to happen. So you got Simon on the boat and Simon is uh could be on just call it he's kind of he's kind of dumb. He's he's just he's not all he's in debt. He's not running his life the right way. He's he's just not the guy you would go after. And Jesus shows up and he's like, "Hey, throw your nets on what the other side." And he's like, "Why? Been out here all night. Who are you?" Fine. Whatever. By the way, that's a form of obedience. You're good. You're good.

When I read the parable of Jesus is saying the kingdom of heaven is like a person, a man who owns a field. And he says this to his first son, hey, go do this. And the first son says what? Yes. Then never does it. Then the second son, he's like, hey, go do this. And what does the second son say? No. Then he does it. Jesus is like, which is the better person? And I was like, I'm going to heaven. That's proof that like I'm good. So when God says, "Hey, do this." No. No. Makes no sense at all. Why would I do that? You gave me a good mind and you're just God. I'm the one thinking through my own life. Okay. All right. I'll do it. Let's go. It's fine. Is check mark. Good. Now, you can get more mature in this. So, I'm slowly starting to try getting there, but the the if-then statement started to click and reclassify everything. So, Simon is like, I'll do it. Whatever it works, and then reclassify. If this works, then this might be okay. You see it? They go through their whole lives. They're disgustingly weak, competitive. They have no business being apostles. If I'm the only person in the world who is honest enough to say this, so be it. You're thinking it, I'll say it. Why them? They were not special. They weren't that cool. They weren't that smart. And then 12 dudes changed the whole worlds. People are like, "Hey, you don't have to do anything. Just say that he didn't come back to life." They say, "No, I'd rather be like beheaded." Who does this? How does this happen? All you have to do is say, "It didn't happen." No, they hang me upside down. I'll bleed to death. These guys are insane. How did they go from, "No, I'm not throwing my nets on the other side because I'm the fisherman to like, no, you can't put me on a cross like he was. I need to be upside down." You You Here's what happened. If this then and then then then then their whole lives get reclassified. They see him. This dude was dead. Now he's not. If this then Oh my god. Everything changes. So God's giving us always a measure of if this then that. We can test it. We can we can play around with it. What does the the text say? Come, let us reason together. He don't care whether you disagree with him. In fact, he'll probably never trust you with power until you do disagree with him. And then you do what he says anyways. We just have a world full of slaves who'll never disagree. So obedience is never tested. If this then that.

So Price I learns a lot of this from Price and how the mind works especially once it starts thinking in quantum multiples. He says there's three types of failures. There's lazy failure is when you hit an obstacle and just give up. You quit. Well, growing up, quitters never win and winners never quit. It's only half true, but I see what they were saying. Lazy failures. I just gave up. I failed. What did it teach me? Nothing. I quit. It's not possible. What did it teach you? It's not possible. Lazy. You're lazy. It's lazy failure. Number two, dumb. Dumb failure. Now, I don't mean this like disrespectfully. I mean this like more from a social clinical type perspective. I get in a lot of trouble for calling people dumb online because they think I'm being mean. I'm not. I'm just being clinical. Isn't it true, Jake? Badly. Like I literally I like dumb people. I don't have any problem with them. They're just dumb. So, I don't want to give the money. It's like a social categorization type of thing. Like, you all do it. We may not say it, but we're all like not the sharpest tool in the shed. Let's not let them watch our kids. This is dumb failure. The people are like, "Man, I've been in a 15-year desert season, brother." No, you haven't. You've been trying the same things the same way for 15 years and won't listen. This is where we will not let the failure modify our response so we keep failing the same way over and over and over and over. Does it make sense? Now, bless the dumb people. God bless them. But let's make a decision in our own lives that we're not going to exist in the same patterns indefinitely. And blame it on God. Let's try to get that. You sit down and sometimes you say, "God, what am I missing? You got to tell me what I'm missing? What is blocking me from knowing what to do?" Make sense? Price is the one that This called him dumb, not me. I just took it from him.

Here's the third, optimal. Optimal failure. Optimal failure is when you acknowledge that you know your approach may not have worked. Optimal. Optimal. Not optical. And these are the these are the types of failures you see at the top. Winston Churchill seeing fail over and over and over and over but very rarely in the same way. In fact, one of our one of our like rules for our teams across the board, every team in our portfolio is as a leader, you make the greatest investment into your staff by how you handle their failure. That is the number one investment you can make into your people. Everyone wants to be the CEO and like I'm going to show up and I'm going to teach my staff the holy grail of living and they train and overtrain and overtrain and as soon as one person makes a mistake, they rip them apart. Nobody cares what you trained them in. If you can't properly handle them in failure, it's the number one investment that you'll make into your people and into your kids. How do I'm going to handle this failure appropriately. It's okay. It's okay. You're okay. But we have a rule. We do not keep people around who fail repetitively the same way. Because clinically, what does that mean? They they dumb. Just calling it like it is. The Winston failed all the time. Never the same way though. You get Walt Disney. You know, Walt Disney almost went bankrupt at the age of 19. And then every single freaking year almost went bankrupt until he was like 54. 19 to 54. Somebody pull out your phone and give me the math. How many years is that? 35 years. Some of us in the room aren't even 35 years old. I am, by the way, so you guys can trust me. Okay. 35 years of being at the edge, different ways though. We I did a full study one time on Walt Disney's life and honestly he's not a very wasn't a very good man but he had the ruthless certainty that what he saw in his head he can make it happen in real life. This is like you're going to bump up against this failure. You get to choose whether it's lazy, whether it's dumb or whether it is optimal. Make sense? Turn to the person next to you and tell me what you're hearing me say. Give them a quick bit of feedback, takeaway, etc.

Okay. So, so another point of failure, this is really important. Failure operates the up updates the modifies the operating system. But another thing failure does is awesome. Did you know that that in a vacuum, what's a vacuum? No external. There's nothing else there. In a vacuum. And this you can take this actually from biology. We're going to steal it. We're going to put it into psychology. I do this all the time. Biologists came up with it. They claimed it. I'm going to put my name on it. It works in psychology, too. In a vacuum, the first things that die are the things that deserve to die. So, when you experience something like autophagy or a vacuum of sorts where um something is missing, you you can't there's a gap, right? There's a gap between what I am putting in and what I'm getting. In that vacuum, we have this phenomena where the the things that die are the things that deserve to die. They're consuming resources without providing them back. So, we can see this in like um extreme cold weather, cold plunging. Let's say cold plunging. Anybody cold plunged this week after yesterday? Cold shower was great. When you put yourself into like a sauna, really hot, cold plunge, really hot, you know, a lot of the the dead weight of the body, the body's like, I'm not going to keep this thing going. And you have this shedding effect is the first things that go or the things that deserve to go. So, we have to look at our lives objectively sometimes, and we have to we have to have the faith and the certainty to say like, look, here's my hand. My life is in my hand. If it doesn't deserve to be here, kill it. Let it go. We lose the most when we're hanging on to so many things from the past that no longer deserve to be carried. And in this vacuum, when we are pushed to the edge, we're held in a position where we do not want to be, we have this wonderful effect where we can objectively go, "Look, I feel like I have nothing else to lose." Great. Perfect. You're in the right headspace psychologically. You're sound because you just for the first time in your life opened up your hands. If it doesn't deserve to be here, let it go. Take it away. And people do this now like physiologically on purpose. So, we're like hunting for the best ways to get our bodies into a position where it's like they'll just let things go. Mitochondria, cells that are no longer productive. These things die.

There's another interesting point I'm going to tack on here in terms of failure. Then we're going to get into some exercise. You guys good? Yes or no? When you experience small doses of failure, it has an effect on your immunity to failure. What's it mean to be immune from something? Protected, resistant. We talk about immunity from a from like an immune system white blood cell thing, but there is there's such a thing as psychological immunity, right? Legal immunity. So this thing goes into different areas. So when we experience something in a smaller dose, it gives us immunity from the thing in a larger dose. It's called mithradatism. Mithradatism. We're talking about the immune system and going to another country and in that other country you don't have the immunity for the bacteria and the the things in that country. But if you can expose yourself to a little bit of what's in that other country before you go, then what happens when you go? Say it again. You still get sick, but you don't die. That's a pretty good proposition to me. Same thing happens with our with our brains with our minds. So think about this from the standpoint of a business owner. Mithradatism. Examples of mithradatism. Okay. Clients leave. Did you die? No. But I experienced what happens when revenue dries up a little bit. So that when revenue dries up a lot, it no longer takes you out of the game. It changes the way we approach it. It changes the way we view failure. Make sense? How many of you have been in a giant sales drought? Like, oh my gosh. 10 calls, no one said yes. Payton's never been in a drought. Except for 2018, 2019, 2021, and 2016. Yeah. Yeah. But you you experience you experience the problem in small doses. So you train your central nervous system, you train your immune system, you train your mind on how do I deal with this when it's big. So I would look at my life and I would honestly I would tell you this as as frustrating and as problematic and as scary as the situation with the FTC was, I don't want to go back to the person that I was before the FTC because I wasn't strong. But I experienced it and now I don't I tackle it again. It's like I know I'm I have immunity for it. So we have to stop complaining about the things that we're experiencing and instead go like, give me some immunity. This is good. Let me take some immunity from this situation. I was not picked. Somebody else was picked. One person goes, "Oh my gosh, I'm never picked. What's wrong with me?" The other person goes, "Ah, thank you for the immunity you just gave me because there will be a season of my life where I'm not chosen for something and I have to put my name in again." Make sense? Make sense? Yes. This doesn't make you feel any better yet because we're probably not like bursting at the seams to go get rejected, but it will be good for you once you leave.

Want to keep going? Yeah. Let's talk about the past and let's do uh let's do an integration exercise in the middle. Okay. The think about your past is is like we we mentioned earlier. It's it's this database of experiences that have accumulated over time that tell you who you are, what things mean and we pull all this stuff. So the brain stores it in like two ways. So we have picture a briefcase. Anybody be old-fashioned to have a briefcase to carry around with you? Like my dad used to have this briefcase. You bring it home with them. I always wanted to play with the briefcase because who doesn't? They're awesome. You have this briefcase. Inside of the briefcase is all the data. And then what's on top of the briefcase so you can pick it up? A handle. Okay, beautiful. Thank you. Who said handle? Raise your hands. It's an intelligent group of people that said handle. You have a handle so you can lean down. You grab it and you pick it up. When you pick it up, what goes with you? The briefcase. Okay. So, we have memory storage. And memory storage is in the briefcase, but it's like just a bunch of papers and random stuff. So, we have to have associations that allow us to pick it up and find it. If we have no associations, we'll never be able to find it. So, one of my friends last night was asking me, um, when you read, like, how do you remember these things? How do you remember like what you're reading? You just read a lot all the time. And I was like, yeah, but I have this practice that I started doing. I remember reading the book by Andrew Roberts, Walking with Destiny. Has anybody heard of this book, Winston Churchill? Oh my gosh, this book is one of my favorite biographies of all time. Another book I remember called Titan about John Rockefeller. I was a kid when I was reading John Rockefeller living in Cordova, Tennessee in a like 900 foot apartment with no money. And my wife would watch um what's that show that's now on Netflix and about a mom and her daughter? Gilmore Girls. Gilmore Girls over and over and over. We just watch Gilmore Girls like over and over. And eventually I was like, I have to change my life. I'm we're broke. I don't have like Gilmore Girls is not helping me make decisions. And so I got this book, John Rockefeller, and I started reading it. And I can tell you like the smell of the room when I was reading this book. I can tell you the way that we had this little dog, her name is Lady. I can tell you one moment where she was like curled up on a blanket that she thought was hers on the couch and Lindsay was laughing at something that wasn't funny. And I was on page like 172 on the book is an association. And so I was telling him I will I will build these things while I'm reading. Was reading Andrew Roberts, Winston Churchill about how Winston was telling his friends as a kid that he was going to be prime minister and I was like, "Wow, dude." The teology of his life just clicked in as a six-year-old because he began to speak what he believed. Was he prophetic? I don't think so. I don't know. But he spoke something that then he eventually was positioned to make come true. And I pictured myself, I closed my eyes and I pictured myself speaking out loud where I wanted to be in the next 10 years so that I could remember it. Anytime in the future, I'm talking about teology. I almost always talk about Winston Churchill. Why? Because there's a handle called an association that can pull up the database and I can go in and find it. This is how our memories somewhat work. And so in our past is like that briefcase and all of it has a bunch of stuff and it's all cluttered up and it's difficult to find without associations.

In our future we have possibility. So in the quantum world, what happens is we have a super positioning of all of these different things that could happen. And they are printed from a million different ways to one specific way through a printing press of sorts that is called the present. So check this out. Look at the clock on the back. 19 18. It never stops. It won't stop. Pause it real fast. We got it to stop. But time's still counting down. Pause that, Ben. We We can't get it to stop. It won't stop. It's It won't stop. What did I just say? It won't stop. Five minutes ago, that was in our future. Now, it's in our It won't stop. Why? There is no present. There's just a printing press that takes our future and prints it and immortalizes it into a past. Technically, the future is just the past that hasn't happened yet. This afternoon is the it hasn't happened, but tonight it will be guaranteed. You can't stop it. Everything in tomorrow is in the past. We just haven't experienced it yet because there's been no printing device to immortalize it. Crazy. When you get meta like this, you're either going to lose your mind or you're going to get really really smart. Usually, you lose your mind first and then you get really really smart. Just like let it go. When you go into the vacuum, let it go. The the past and the future. It's that's not it's it's not a thing. Like it doesn't really exist. They're sort of like realms. So when when God came onto the scene, he existed outside of eternity. So picture you're you've got this um airplane taking off. How many of you flew to Nashville in an airplane? Okay. Your your progress through time is linear. It's like I'm in this city. I take off, zoom. Time passes and here I am. You can't see where you're going. You don't really know what's going to happen. If you zoom above that airplane and you see the whole thing happening as one thing, then you would exist in eternity. You would be outside of time. Does that make sense? The analogy we're getting into dimensions now. The first dimension, second dimension, third dimension. You know, if you're trapped in the second dimension, you look at everything as a giant lie, contradiction. How can something Shakree? How can something be both long and tall? Lie. Contradiction. Because they don't have height in the second dimension. When you get to the third dimension, what do you say? Duh. It's just long and tall. They're different things. Then you get to the fourth, you start adding time. We can we can get out of these dimensions and we can look at our lives as if they've already happened. We can go back and change things. This is extremely theologically accurate as well. So for the people who are like, I don't know, I didn't read this in Genesis, it's it's all there. The psalmist said, God, I love you because you have gone into my past and protected me from the mistakes of my youth and you go into my future. Read it. It's like playing with time. So we have the same ability because we're made in the same image. So we can mess with it. So this is what I want to start with is starting to tune around and play around with the way that we view failure and regret.

Have you ever had something that's happened to you that that really just bothered you? It made you mad, angry, frustrated? Never. Has anybody had something that made you really mad that someone else did to you? Has has anybody had this experience where you're you're pissed off that does somebody else had the audacity to do this thing and then you get more context and you're like, "Oh, that was made made sense. That wasn't about me." Oh, yeah. All the time. In fact, when I was younger growing up, I didn't ever wait for context. I just like went at it. This is a problem. This is a mistake. You'll end up with no friends, homeless, and nobody will care about you. So, don't be that way. We've all had these things where like I didn't I didn't have context. I was very angry when I had the context. It changed. Now, it can make you more angry if you have more context. It can also make you not as angry. But the point is that context is changing our perspective. How I look at you is changing how I see you. Our past is the same way. I look at my past, I'm in the wrong perspective. I hate the past. The past is awful. I failed. They can't do it again. It's so awful. Change your perspective. You go back. You look at it a different way. I'm seeing you from a different side. Context. Does this make sense?

So, let's just do this quick exercise. I want you to to think of a of a situation. Try to make it recent like the last six months. Don't go all the way back. This is not a trauma release workshop. Just six months. Stay in six months. That made you really, really, really triggered, bothered, frustrated. That's the first thing. Write it down. Write down how it felt. Then I want us to do the second question. List three good things that could have only happened in your life because of that triggering situation. Find them, hunt them, make them up if you need to. I do not care. Something that was problematic, bothersome, triggering. Then give me three good things that only could have happened because of that situation. These can be perspectives, opportunities, changes. Does this make sense? Three minutes. Let's put on the clock. Rock and roll.

So God won't always He won't always do this. It's not always, but if you're really important, he will get your attention. If you're right, you know, you're kind of like important on the cosmic timeline. He will destabilize to get you to pay attention. I was at dinner one time with my wife, Lindsay. You guys met her yesterday. Very sweet, reaffirming, sensitive. She's got a beautiful voice. It makes me feel like, you know, I'm always going to be okay. She talks. You hear her talk and you're like, comfort. Some people have like comfort food. That's just like hearing my wife's voice. It's soothing. Every once in a while, there's like a jagged knife hidden in that. You know what I'm saying? I did not expect for that voice to say that thing to me. So, we're at dinner. We're eating some food and I told her just similar to what you're talking about. I told her, uh, I think God wants me to do some of this this speaking thing. It's a couple years ago and I hadn't booked any stages. I just said no to everything. I'm a legit introvert. I don't like people at all. I want to run away. The don't mistake this for me being like, "Oh, Taylor's an extrovert." No, I can't wait to go to sleep. But I wasn't I wasn't doing any speaking. So, we're eating dinner. She says, "Hey, why aren't you doing that speaking thing?" I said, "It doesn't it even come close to my hourly rate? I'm making, you know, like 26 28k an hour and they don't pay enough." And my wife looks at me and she says, "God said he's going to lower your hourly rate until what he asks you to do fits." And I was like, "No, no, no. I'll do it." It was too late though. It was too late. It was too late. Different story but similar vibe where it's like, "Okay, you have this person. The the world has waited for a thousand years for you cuz God decided it was going to be you. They all just been waiting." And then you get here and God's like, "Go do this thing." And you're like, "No, I'm good." A billion people. You're gonna just pause a billion people and God's like, "Okay, we got to let's do a little bit of destabilization." You've got to pay attention. And it's not predatory. It's not mean. It's mercy. It's mercy because when we exist outside of the flow of our calling and our purpose, we're going to die and be and regret it. So, he's preventing the regrets of our future by cleaning things up right now. And uh that, my man, has happened to me way too many times. That's my dumb failure. Hopefully you learned it. And I didn't. I just went right back. It's like, if I have 10 times as much money, God can't take it away. I like it's not how it works.

How do we feel? Good. Okay. The the thing I want to hit next is I want us I want us to tap into into the anxiety that comes from not knowing what good came from the past. So, why I had you list three things that were great that only happened because of a triggering example is because the mind will find what it wants to find. And most of us never tell it what to find. We just exist in like this adaptation evolutionary the brain's looking for things that can hurt you unless we override it. We say, "No, no, no. How did this hurt me?" You know, the people that say life's not happening to you, it's happening for you. They stole it. They stole that. That the the Apostle Paul would win a copyright infringement lawsuit. They stole it. It's Romans 8:28. I'm convinced that everything works out and weaves together for the good. The the good is happening for me. It brings good. So, we have to train the brain how to do this because it's not natural. It was maybe like at the beginning, but it's not natural now.

So, here's the next exercise we're going to talk about. I want us to think about something we regret. We failed and it was our fault. We regret it. If we could go back in time, we would do it different. You guys have those things still. I I would have done it totally different. I regret that. I failed and it was it was no one else's fault. It was there wasn't something that someone else did against me. It wasn't that. It was it was me. Me. I wish I could go back and I could do it different. And I want us to take three minutes on this. I want us to write down what that was and what it feels like. That's the first part. We got it. The second question I want you to ask is I want you to ask God, how did you use that? And I want you to ask him to give you two ways that he used it. How did you use this? For my good. That's the promise. You can hold him to it cuz he said it. Here's what I regret. I wish I could have done this different. God, how did you use this? And hit whatever. Write down whatever hits your mind. Three minutes. Let's start in three, two, one.

So, when I first first first went through this, I had an overwhelming sense of of regret. And uh Kate, we're gonna have you run microphones in just a second. Okay. Can you wave so people know who you are? Hello, Kate. That way when you're running at them in super speed, they don't run away. They have to trust you that you're bringing the mic. Um I had this this feeling of being a failure of a dad. That was my biggest point of regret because I didn't see my my daughter for the first three years of her life. You know, when you when you have your first kid, you're supposed to feel didn't feel anything. I read online, I was like, sometimes with dudes, it takes them like a month or so. A month went by and don't feel anything. I'm like, who is this person? I was I didn't have any connection. I was working so hard. I was working so much. But my my relationship, I didn't know my daughter. I didn't know my wife. And we had that moment that I that I share often at like Cracker Barrel, which was like a big moment. But the moment that broke me, the moment that that made me realize that like I am awful is where it hit me was I had uh I made a commitment to her, three years old. She's coming into my office with a firefighter uniform. Remember that firefighter uniform that we used to dress up in? You don't remember it? I have pictures. Wait, use your mic if you're going to talk. You have to turn it on and use it. What did you say? One from Juden Asher. Yeah. Yeah, that one. And so we'd wake up and she was like, I want to go put out fires and be a firefighter. It's like, I don't have time. I'm sorry. I don't I don't have time. I've got meetings, but what about tonight? Like, okay, do it tonight. And I worked and worked and worked and my alarm went off that I need to go home and play firefighter with with Kate. And I just had too much to do. So I was like, I will do it tomorrow. And I got a picture from my wife of her sitting in front of the door in her firefighter uniform. And she said, "Your daughter's been sitting here for an hour, an hour and a half, waiting for you to come home." And you're just like, "Dude, I've messed my whole life up. This isn't who I was supposed to be." And then I lived in that regret for like over a year. And so I did this this work myself. I was like, what do I regret the most? We regret the things that we feel like we cannot get back the most. We regret the things that we feel like were once in a-lifetime opportunities that were wasted. And part of what my calling is is giving the opportunity to go like, "No, no, no, worth it, worth it, worth it." It's a different, it's a different thing. There's one other person in this room who has that same calling. And they're learning how to use it. But it's a massive thing when you can go like, I went into this experience and I realized that I didn't waste it. It was all worth it. And the one that can reprogram you the easiest is God. He's going to tell you what he thinks about you. And so you say, "Hey, this is how I used it." And so it was a two years after that when my son Harrison was born. And because of the situation that I had come through, I was able to be present to know him. Like I know what he likes and what he doesn't like. You look at my family now and it's very different. But that would not have been the case if I would have not had a reckoning moment. Some of us, we are just too gifted to avoid the reckoning moment. It doesn't mean you're stubborn. It means you're gifted. It means you've learned to outrun what you should have healed. It's not a bad sign. It's a sign that you are gifted.