Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: How Benny Taught Me to Trust Again

I want to go back to the first time you ever met. Thank you so much for having me. One of the thank yous, I'm Selena. But we're watching Disney T when you're a pop star like she is, and you're a huge entity, and people set up all these walls before. And then the first second you like disarmed everybody. By the way, congratulations on your engagement.

When you first were meeting and recording together, there was a sense of you were protecting yourself. What gave you confidence to open up?

Not what I felt for Benny, it was everything about him was honest. He'll tell me anything that he's feeling, and it made me feel like I could do the same. If we would have met each other when we were younger, it would have never worked. We've both grown as individuals and met at the perfect time, and I believe life is like that. When Benny looks at me, I don't think he sees anything but who I am, and that's very rare to find. But when you do know it, it feels right.

You talk about being best friends so much. Was it scary thinking, what are we going to lose if this gets romantic?

The number one Health and Wellness podcast. J Shett. J Shett, the one, the only J Shett. Oh my gosh, I'm so happy to be here. You know I love you both. I know we love you. It's such a fun, like, coming together. When this—when you guys called me and said you wanted to do this, I was just like, how special is it that we first met now seven years ago? And then, because of you, I got to meet this amazing man, and I feel like we've kicked off of a bromance, and that makes me happy.

Yeah, and and because of you, I just feel like we've been spending so much time together, and so I'm so grateful to you both for trusting me and over the years and the fact that you've been on—you've been on—and now we get both of you. It's like, thank you. It's so special. It's a very safe, cozy place.

Benny and Selena, hi. Welcome back to On Purpose, for the first time together. I am so grateful to you both. It's been a joy getting to know you both over the last few years, and I am so happy for you both. Thank you. Like, this is just so beautiful and special. And because of you, Selena, I got to know Benny so much more. And Benny and I have been hanging out; we've been meditating; we've been—I love that—eating; we've been—makes me really happy. But it's thanks to you; it's thanks to you for bringing us together.

And I was just saying, as a man, it's so hard to make male friendships as you get older.

Really is that so?

Yeah, I think well, it's just like when you're an adult, it's like, I have my people, and that's like what I have. To let a new person in, like, you barely have time for your people that you have, so you're like, wait, in order to get a new person, I have to like move another person down the list to slot a new person in because there's not—because there's not—you know, you start to get to an age, it's like Larry David always says this. He says, I have friends that I'm not even friends with; I've just been friends with them for so long, I can't let them go because they're already built in. It's like a therapist; they already know everything. You can't teach a new person that.

That's hilarious.

Disagrees? It's not necessarily that I disagree. I—I guess I just always thought that guys have this immediate, like, "What's up?" and then they're just like in a flow. So I just—I don't know. I found that interesting.

Yeah, I feel like you get guarded as you get older a little bit sometimes. I wish I weren't as wise. Because when you—I'm not wise at all, but I'm saying like, it's like when you listen to something—like for me, for music—I listen to things when I was like 18, and I was like, "Oh my God, I didn't know any of the rules." I wasn't thinking of anything. It all comes so easily because you're not confined to like this box that you've put yourself in over the years. And then by the end you're like, "Oh, you know, I'm 36, almost 37. I'm like, oh, I can't do that," and it's—it's like there's some sort of freedom to being really young, too.

There definitely is. There definitely is.

But I was—I was saying that, watching both your love story, and I know you were saying, Selena, two seconds ago, you're like, "This is such a safe and cozy space to come to." I'm hoping that today we get to know your love story on a deeper level, and we get to access really what's in your hearts and minds. Because I think there's so many interviews and so many things that kind of will touch on the surface level of stuff, but I hope we can go deeper. So what I want to start with is I want to actually rewind, and I want to rewind to a place where—well, we don't retell the story, but we get to relive your story with you. And I think there's a difference because when we tell a story, it's like, "This is what happened," but when we relive it, it's almost like going back to who we were when that happened. So I want to go back to the first time you ever met, and I want to hear about it.

Well, the funny thing is is we actually—it was so long ago that we don't remember. We—we—we know that her mother put us in a meeting together. When—how old were you?

16.

She was 16. Wow, I didn't realize it was that long ago. And—and well, I'm like four or five years older than you, so I was probably 20, 21. And her mom was trying to get her into music, and her mom is amazing—the way she goes from room to room, gets on show, gets things to happen, and you know—and somehow she got us a meeting together, and we don't remember that time. And you know, after we had done a song together, there was one time where it was probably 2016 or 17 or something. I remember when you were in a studio, like Interscope stud, and I remember I came—she doesn't remember it, but I remember I came in, and I had this talk with you, and I remember being like, "Whoa, wow," like, she's really like a complex person, like in a good way. And I was like, "Wow, she's—she's—she's so deep." And we had this conversation where I really—I was just really left by being like, "Oh, she's deep." And then we went and—and thought nothing more of it. And then when we did our song together, I remember leaving—leaving—not—not feeling romantic at all. I just remember leaving, and I was talking—you know—

When you're a pop star like she is, and you're a huge entity, and—and—and you've done so many things in your life before, like people set up all these walls before, so it's like you get like—like before I came in, they were like, "Well, you know, this thing's like this, and this is like this, and like she might not want to do and like stuff," and they—they speak for people so much. And then I remember we were—so me and the director were so nervous, and then the first second you like disarmed everybody. And I remember walking back, and Jake was like—he's like the guy who directing with me—he's like, "This is going to be so easy." What—they made it seem like she was—this is going to be this crazy thing. And the warmth I felt from her in that moment, I remember leaving being like, "Wow, Selena is such a cool girl."

She—you don't remember this at all?

No.

No. She remembers this. Remember the video part? But it was interesting because—um—yes, I don't have a very good memory, but uh—I just remember the video shoot. I didn't see anything romantic, nor really felt that, but I had a really good time, and that was probably the first time after years of doing music together and not together—that was the first time I really got to hang out with him, and it was fun. I had a good time, and that was that. Um—and then how it kind of continued was I was always cautious because I always wanted to make sure that I did protect myself. So to be honest, I didn't talk to him very often.

I thought she hated me, really. I really—I knew that was coming. I really did. I thought she didn't like—I would see her, and—and I would be like, "Does she not like me?" Like—and I—we weren't thinking about anything. I was like, "Wow, she really like didn't talk to me a lot," and I was like, "I thought I was being nice," and like my friends would be like, "No, no." And then like there was another time I remember, and my friends were like, "Oh yeah, she was kind of weird," and I was like, "I'm so sorry." And there was like a few times, and I—and I didn't know, and I was just like, you know, I was like, "That's okay. I thought I was being like polite by not—" She didn't really engage, basically. We—I was working on some music, and we—we went through some of the demos that we had, and a single soon came up, which is ironic because it was actually nowhere near where I was in my personal life. But Benny happened to do the song—

No, no. I didn't even do the song. It was like one of my guys who did the—

You came to—

Yeah. And I like came to help out because I was like, "Oh, I want their song to—" I was like, "I don't like the way this—" Let me just at least help them. I said I was like, "Well, I'm not sure if it'll be okay because I don't know if Selena likes me or something." And then John Janic, the—you know—the president of Interscope, he was like, "Well, why don't you just go into the session? Uh, she usually doesn't have people in, but just go in and like if there is something that you feel is weird, like try to just smooth it over and talk to her and get in." And I said, "Okay, I'm going to go smooth it over." So I went in. It was so funny. Right before I came, her engineer told me like later that she was like, "H, Benny's coming," and she was like—and here's reasoning: "I get very nervous around the producers watching me sing. Of course, it's just a very intimate thing for me. I feel like I need to sound a certain way or do whatever to make them happy. And when I get to record with just me and my engineer and maybe someone I trust, I get more out of the experience." So I just was thinking, "Okay, well, maybe he'll stay for 10 minutes, and we'll just talk for a second." And 10 minutes turned into like 30. Then he went to the other room, and I finished recording, and he stayed there and then—

Yeah, this is too long. No. Okay, so here—so from my perspective, here's what happened. I get in there; I'm like—I'm like, "I got to smooth this—"

I love this back and forth.

Yeah, I was like, "I don't have this with anyone, like I—I was like, I want us to be chill," and obviously 99% of it was in my head. And uh—and I come in, we just start talking—talking about life and her—and—are—is there—one of my friends is there; we're just—we're talking about life, and we start talking about dating, and I was like, "Yeah, you know, I went out on this date," blah blah blah. And then I—I was talking to her, and I said, "Oh my God, I have so many good single guy friends. I was like, we have dinners at the house all the time, you should come over sometime." And I wasn't even thinking about anything, and we're like talking about like our ideal date and like this and that. And I wanted to make sure she did the line right, so I was like, "Oh, I'll stay there to like make sure it's good after." And then um—so I did. We left, and then yeah, I didn't have her cell phone number because I—she changed her number a bunch, so like I—like asked someone. I said, "Hey uh, give me your cell phone number. I want to say like uh, you know, thank you," and I—I wrote—I was like, "Oh my God, you were—" And—and—and during that—when I was with her, I was like, "Oh my God," I was like, "Not only she's like really cool," I was like, "I want—I was like, I want her to be in our friend group," and I couldn't even be thinking—I was like, "I want her to be in our friend group, and I want to make sure this thing smoothed out so the song figures out, goes well, and everything." So I said, "Let me just text her, thank you, or whatever," and I was like, "You know, you were so sweet," or something—something like that. Then she writes back—I guess we just were texting throughout the day, and she—she told me—she looked back at our message—she said, "Somehow you started sending like uh, selfies where you looked really bad on purpose, like the worst ones in your—"

You used to do this.

Yes. Which, by the way, no girls should really—or anyone in their right mind—to someone they would have a crush on, do that. But we were talking about ugly photos, like 'cause I always say I take the worst photos sometimes, and he's like, "Oh, you said something," and I sent him the worst pictures of me, like—and like in bed sick, and then you know, me at weird photo shoots. And now looking back on it, I'm—I'm just thinking, "That's—these are so weird. I don't know why me in that moment—"

Yet—or not yet.

Yeah, oh, you did. Okay, so trying to—I had no idea. So I had no idea. And somehow we decide—so wait, why did you do that? If you liked Benny, why would you send—

Well, because I didn't know that it was going to be like—maybe I thought it was just going to be flirting and—and not really anything else. But I really started to—to just—I don't know—fall for him. So I didn't know any of this. And then we decide—we're like—we're—I forget how it happens, but we're like, "Yeah, let's hang out," and I was like, "Oh, my friend's having a—a—a birthday party tomorrow. I was like, 'Just come along,'" and I was like, just thinking friend stuff. And then so she comes to mine, and I guess she thought the party was going to be at my house, but I was like—oh—in my head I was like, "Oh, she'll just come over, and—and we can just like grab a drink first and then go there," like—like not thinking anything of it. I was like, "We'll just like grab a drink at my friend's wine bar; it's on the way, and then we'll go there." You were there, and—and we were sitting together, and she said something like, "Well, you know, because it's a date, I wore blah blah," and I was like—and in—I was like, "No," I said, "If this was a date, I definitely would have dressed like a nicer—" and he just kind of looked at me, and I thought we were on a date, and I was like, "We're on a date." And then—and then we went—and then we didn't really talk about—

Wait, you thought—who thought it was a date? It was—

Oh, she thought it was a date. I'm sorry. A nice man takes me out for a drink; I'm assuming it's a date. I didn't know. But no one had asked each other out yet.

No, it was like, "Let's just hang out," like—and then we go to my friends—we go to this Thai restaurant, we go to Jit L, and we're like hanging out, and there's a bunch of people there, and then she all of a sudden like leaves, and she was like, "I got to go to—I have a video shoot really early in the morning," and I was like, "Okay," and I was like, "But I wasn't like—" because it wasn't a date to me or anything, so I was like, "Okay, cool," and I stayed with my friends and stuff. And then she texts me after, and I remember you being like, "That was like one of the most fun times I've had in a really long time."

Selena, so you technically asked Benny out on the first official date?

She did. She did. Like—every—walk us through—walk us through that confidence—that energy. Because I think—a lot of confidence—that's the scary part. I think that's when I recognized that I had some sort of feelings for him.

What I fell for Benny—it was—it was everything about him was honest. When Benny looks at me, I don't think he sees anything but who I am. Oh, that's so cheesy to say, but when you do know it, it feels right. Walking to his house—um—or into his home to go to his friend's thing, I was very nervous, and I'm not normally like that unless it's like an event or something where it could be overwhelming. But with anyone I talk to, I'm able to talk to people, and I feel like I'm good at it, but I just felt like all these feelings. And then when we went out, I was laughing, and I didn't feel like you wanted anything or there was weird motives. It's—it's sad that you know people have to think that way, but I don't know. I felt this immediate safety, and I was very pleased that—I don't know—we were friends, and then we—him—you know—the next time we hung out, it was—it was—we just hung out at home, and we just like—we chilling, and we were playing that game—uh—not—"We're Not Really Strangers"—great—and my friend made that game, and—and we were just playing it, and we had both played it, and I was like, "Okay, sure, we can play it," and we played it, and there was like a card that said like, "Take a selfie together," and we like took a—she like screwed up—we took a selfie, and then right after the selfie, we just kissed. And then—

Oh, great.

And well—no, that's it. And then she's very private, and then—and then basically the rest was history, and we started hanging out so much, and it just like—very quickly—I was like, "Oh my God, my whole life—I was like, 'Oh, this is—this is my person. Like I'm going to marry this person. This is—oh, this is the thing. This is what it feels like.'" It was so different than any of those feelings, and I was like, "Holy—I just—I met my best friend. This is my best friend. Nothing gets any better than this. It can't get better. There's no—I—this is my—this is like better than any friend I have that's a guy, and I get to kiss them." Like, it was like—it—it was insane to me. So I was like, "I can't let this go. I—" And it—it was so funny because before I met her, with my therapist, I made a list saying like, "These are all the things I want."

I'm tell—the list—you want to know it?

Yeah, I want to know.

Okay. Okay, so before I met her, you know, I was a guy in—in—in LA trying to find the one for me, and I was having some trouble, and I—and—and—and I think I was like maybe not looking in all the right places, and I was like, "Okay, it's time to be a grown-up. Like I want to like start a life. I want to have a family. I want to find a person that like is my other half that makes me feel better, and I make them feel better, and it's—it's—it's a give and take. It's the perfect ying and yang." So I wrote down a list, and the first thing on my list was age-appropriate.

Okay, so that—I love—great.

And it was 30 plus. Okay, so that was number one on my list.

Yes. Not number one, but it was the first thing I wrote.

Yeah. And then the second thing I wrote was I said, "I know these are so simple, but it's so hard to come by," somebody who's kind, compassionate, and caring. I was like, "That's really three in one," but that was my—but I was like, "I need—need someone who's like nice and is like a genuine nice person." You said something really important. The reason I'm bringing it up is because I feel a lot of women—but a lot of people feel this way—and you said, "When you first were meeting and recording together, there was a sense of you were protecting yourself," yes, and I think that's a very human thing, and I think it's a very normal thing in—especially in this day and age, especially in your position, to add to it. What was it that—you know—at one point you said, "I'm going to adopt at 35 if I don't find someone." Like, you had your whole life mapped out when you met Benny, but then—and you said you were protecting yourself, but then you started to open up. Could you walk us through what gave you confidence to open up? But what that feels like when you're trying to protect yourself, because I think that's the push and pull that everyone's going through.

Well, I think first of all, making plans and trying to stick to them is silly 'cause you don't know what's going to happen. And I can't believe that I get to marry my best friend. So it—but yes, I—I think for me, I was genuinely set. But it was once I let go of me just saying, "I want someone," and "I wish I had this," and "I wish I had that." Instead, I changed my mind to, "I'm so lucky that I get to wake up and my family is healthy, and I love spending time with my friends." And you know what? If it doesn't happen, I know that I've always wanted to be a mom. And you know—so of course I kind of planned that out. I think it was because when Benny looks at me, I don't think he—he sees anything but who I am, and that's very rare to find. He knows when I'm feeling a certain way and kind of before I can even let it get to a place where it's unbearable, he has already talked to me through a spiral. And protecting myself on multiple reasons—you know, doing—you know, doing music—working with someone that's kind of—you know—"Oh, I don't know if I should do that"—but I genuinely just—watch it just happened. I think when you know—and oh, that's so cheesy to say, but when you do know it, it feels right. And I think that that's what happened to me, and I just felt very comfortable with it.

Yeah. Benny, how do you feel that you almost sabotaged—do a relationship by nearly introducing Selena to your friends? How does that feel like when you're like, "Hey, wait a minute, come and meet my friends. There might be some nice guys for you to meet."

I feel like it all happens for a reason. I feel like maybe me doing that is what disarmed her enough to like—you know—it's—we talked about this before—like if we would have met each other when we were younger, it would have never worked. It's like we've both grown as individuals and met at the perfect time, and I believe life is like that. And sometimes it doesn't make sense, and sometimes it's not the right reasons, and we're like, "Why is this happening?" But I always believe that—you know—I don't know—I believe in fate. I believe in all that, and I believe—you know—if you're good to people karmically, it's going to come back to you 10 times over. Maybe you might get in that moment—someone's going to do you really dirty, but over a long period of time, I think things are going to go your way.

Yeah. Was it scary? Because you—you talk about being best friends so much. Was—is it scary thinking, what are we going to lose if this gets romantic?

No, no. Right. It happened right away. It happened quick. Was all one day. That was one day, like—like everything really happened within—and then—look—there were—at once—we knew that we liked each other. There's that part where like, you know, we're both—

Extremely busy people. So it's like it takes a second to where you fully prioritize, you know, cuz it's like at first you date someone, you say, "Okay, I'll see you this time once a week," and then it's like, "Oh, okay, this person's getting cool, will go twice a week," and it's like, "Wait, don't leave my house, I miss you." Like it all happens so quickly.

One thing that you both did was you had a long-distance relationship for a while, like you were in different states and managing that. You both have crazy work schedules. And I was thinking, in your positions, it can get very easy to be like, "Oh, that person's never available; they canceled again. Like, well, they've got a million things they're running away from." I mean, you were just about to say you both are starting to travel together right now for work as well. But how did you manage that? Cuz I think a lot of our viewers are like, "Do long-distance relationships work? And do two busy people's relationships work?" How would you both say you've managed both of those parts?

Biggest thing in the world is trust. Um, I can say with all my heart that I trust this person. Um, so for me, knowing that I have a 12- to 14-hour day on set, I won't get to talk to him, second, which I don't need, but I know just hearing from him one time, check in with me and say, "I love you and I hope the day is going well," I just feel safe, and I've never felt that before. And if you feel like you're in a situation that doesn't feel like you're a unit, that makes it scarier, and then that causes friction, then it causes trust issues. So for me, I would have to say communication and trust helps, but it, it doesn't always work; it's hard.

I feel like at the beginning there were a few uh, almost, almost sabotages. She didn't like, she was like, "That's fair," at, at the very beginning, in like her first few trips away, she was still gaining that trust, so there were, there were moments of sincere doubt.

No, yeah, yeah. We all have, we, we all have moments in our life because like we're only made up—I tell everyone this—it's like when you, when you start dating someone, you're not only dating them, you're dating every single person they've ever dated, every single relationship they've ever had in their past, every, because you're getting every piece of baggage that that person's carried and that what they've learned through their own personal life, through the life with partners, with their parents, with this, that, and the other. And I had to find a way to build that trust with her, not make it feel overbearing and make it feel real and make her actually believe it, and vice versa. Like I know that she fully trusts me. If I say, "Hey, I'm just going to do this today," there's nowhere in her mind that's thinking that. And if for any chance that she—I always told her, I said, "It's okay if you have moments of doubt in something, in a feeling, always talk to me, and I'll talk you through anything that you may have." You know, if you say, "Hey, I know this is a crazy thing, I just had a dream, and I woke up from this dream, and I was upset," sometimes she'll just say, like, "Please tell me I can trust you," or, "Please tell me you're not doing anything stupid," and I say, "You can call me anytime you want." And I'm aware of her strengths, and I'm aware of her weaknesses, and what I try to do is surround her with a lot of things to help her. So if she's away and I have to go to a dinner, then a party, then this thing, then that thing, it's a simp text in between each things that says, "Hey, babe, I'm going to this next thing, I'm thinking about you. Hey, you know," you know, where, where couples where it starts to hit is when they miss that text, they don't call the person, they wait until the next, like, it's just like, I know what she needs to succeed, so I'm going to help her succeed. I'm not going to be a dick; I'm not, not going to hit her up, and she doesn't need a lot; she's like the easiest person in the world, but I know, yeah, she wants to talk to me before she goes to bed, she wants me to say, "I love you," she wants me to text her if I wind up having to stay somewhere two hours late, just a, just a simple, take out your phone and done. And, and I know that, no, I know that stuff really helps, especially when you're long distance, because it's natural, you're far away from someone, you say, "I'm not with this person, I'm not as connected to them, we're not, we're not meant to be far, you're not supposed to be long distance with your partner, supposed to be right next to your partner," like it's like it, we do things in life that, that we have to do, and we both are very focused on our careers, and we're very driven, and you have to find a way to make it work that's comfortable. You have to talk to your partner; you have to understand them. I think people's biggest problems, especially men, are that we don't listen all the time. You got to listen; just shut the f*** up and listen. Listen to what they're saying. A woman is going to tell you exactly what she needs. Like when guys are like, "I don't know what she wants," I don't know, she told you already; you're just an idiot; you're not listening. Just listen. A girl is, if a girl is getting frustrated with you on something, she's definitely told you multiple times, and you're just not paying attention. Um, so it's like just listen and don't be reactionary; proactively do these things. I don't know if you do the same thing, but when, when you're away from your partner, you just try to think of little things that's going to make them feel more comfortable, better, you know. I'm, I'm on the other hand, I'm like living on the moon, so it's like she doesn't have to really do anything for me, cuz I'm like, I'm all in on, on everything with her, and I fully trust her in every capacity. And my whole life I've always been like this: I trust everyone until they give me a reason not to.

Yes, okay. And I trust people to be who they are, okay? And so far I know who she is, so until further notice, that's how I'm going to treat her, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, I totally get that. Yeah, that's my thoughts on—no, I love that. It's the character that gets judged; it's the way I'm not white enough, I'm not Mexican enough; there's just these so many different things that come up in, in my face that I can't help but see. It just doesn't feel safe, and I don't like being myself sometimes. That's a bigger problem than just talking about it in a relationship. I was very, very reactive; I think that's why I was alone for five years, cuz I really needed to collect myself. I think in the past, that's why I say to him all the time, and ten years ago, it's not that I wouldn't have wanted to be with you, I just wouldn't have been in the right head space. I remember there was a time we didn't want this to be like a public thing because, unfortunately for Selena, her life is, is always under the spotlight, being scrutinized every moment and this and that, and for good for bad. And I remember sitting with her, and we'd been seeing each other, you know, secretly for months and months and months, and, and we were about to go to New York, and we just made a conscious effort that we were like, "We don't want to do this anymore; we want to be able to go out and have fun and, like, and, you know, just live our lives." And at that point, I knew that it was serious enough to dive in, like, like that. I was like, "Okay, I don't care what comes with this because I love this person so much already that," like, we literally said, "I love you" on that trip.

She had already said "I love you" to me a few times.

Okay, wait, so the album—I said "I love you" first?

Yes.

So Selena, you said "I love you" first?

Yes.

She said it a—what made you want to say that, because that's a big step?

I, I definitely have never been the first. So this is the first time in your life you were the first?

Yes.

Wow. I wanted him to also know how committed I was, and deep down I just felt that, and I, I was tired of protecting myself. We had spent enough time together where, you know, I felt like this was my person, and I, I had the courage enough to say it, but I was very nervous, and luckily he said it back.

Did you say it back the first time?

Well, there was a, okay, okay. Well, there's been some slip-ups.

Okay, okay. Well, she was, she, um, has a plate in her hand cuz she, she had like an accident, and she was like coming up from—I think that was—oh, he's talking about a metal plate. Yeah, she was had surgery or something; she was coming out of anesthesia, and, and she was like sitting there, and she was like, "Love you," and then I was like, "What?" And she was like, and she was like, "I love you," and I, I don't remember; I didn't say anything back yet because I was like, "I can't have this be the first time." And then one time she was with her friends; they were at dinner, and she was like, "Oh, we really wish you were here; we love you," I mean, and then just hung—like it literally was like, and then she started wanting to really say it, and she was like, it was right when I was going to do it, it was the same night, and I was like, "Hey, let me get my stuff out," and he literally said that, and then I just said, "I love you," and I was like, "Please," I was like, "Please just let me," cuz I had, it was like I had felt it, and I was about to do it, and, and I was like, "I want to wait till New York, so it's special, be in my house, like it'll be a good thing," and then the day I was doing it, she was like, she's like couldn't take it anymore, and she said it, and then we said it. And the thing that's crazy is, you know, before you say "I love you," it's like this thing, it's like taboo, scared to say, and then after you're like, "Oh my God, I can't," like you want to say it a thousand times in a row; you never want—I can't even understand how I went so long without saying it to her. I say it 3,000 times a day to her, and like I, I make sure every day I say, "I love you so much," like, "I love you a million times," and then I always tell her how beautiful she is and how lucky I am to have her every day.

You know what, it's so annoyingly cute. And I always wanted—no, and I always wanted to do that because I want her to know that every day I don't take any of anything for granted, and I still look at her, and my breath gets taken away in so many different ways. And I, I said it to her last night; we were sitting, we, we were in like the pool or something together last night, and we were just hanging out, and I was just like, "You're so beautiful," and I don't mean that just physically; I'm saying like you can feel it; there's like a ring, like an aura around her that exudes just like warmth, and it, and it just, you're like making me want to cry.

How do you react in the moment when that happens, Selena? Cuz Benny, we're basically the same person.

I do the same thing to my wife.

Yeah, I do that to Rad all the time. Rad will just pull the funniest face in the world.

Yeah, I was like, how do you react when, when Benny's telling you all these amazing things, Selena? What do you say? Because I, I say—now let's be honest, I also am equally grateful, and I tell him that all the time. I, I just, it makes me feel like it's not real, and I'll, like, sometimes I'll be like, "This seems too good to be true," like he's so sweet to me, but now I've accepted it. I think I, I actually love it so much that it just makes me want to give him that support and that love back. So, um, it's safe to say I feel much safer doing that now, and I like it. I think so many people feel that when someone's that nice, and that's coming from someone who's like that myself with friends, family, and obviously with my, with my wife too. A lot of the time that scene is a weakness; like people kind of look down on it when someone's that open about their feelings, especially—I get asked that a lot when I'm giving relationship or dating advice; people be like, "Oh, no, but if, if I come on too strong, people get turned off." What this time was different for you where it's like he's, he's being really affectionate, he's being really open, but there's a part of you that realizes that's what you want and that's what you deserve because the world has become so hard to please, if you will. I'm called fake; I'm called—I, it's, it's insincere, it's fake, all of this, like it just doesn't feel safe, and I don't like being myself sometimes. And that's a, that's a bigger problem than just talking about it in a relationship because it makes you feel like you have to question the way you're acting. And I genuinely, yeah, I have really bad days, and sometimes I don't have the energy to do what I'm doing, but I try 99% of the time to be kind and to just be happy and grateful for what I have, and that just almost isn't cool anymore. And I hope that that conversation can kind of start eventually because it's not, it's not good. I want to always be that person that I was, but it gets harder and harder. But I felt for Benny, it was, it was everything about him was honest; it wasn't just that he was honest with me, he was honest about where he was at in life, and, um, he'll tell me anything that he's feeling, and it made me feel like I could do the same. But he's the one person, you know, when you're saying those nice things to me, babe, it's like so sweet, but I believe in—to where I'm not going to believe someone who is blowing smoke up my butt to just make me feel good; he's saying it because he means it, and I believe it.

Yeah, that's beautiful. That honesty, that someone has in every area of their life, including their bad days, their tough days, their challenging days, then when they're saying that, yeah, whether their day is good or bad, and they feel that way, it resonates with us. I think we all, we all sense that, and I, I, I love what you said. I think it's so important that we make it cool again to care for people and be cared for, and we make it cool again to love people and feel loved, and we make it cool again for people to be kind and to receive kindness. I feel like it's like a macho thing, like guys, guys are always trying—it's like, stop trying to be cool, like it's like guys try to be so cool, and like they don't want—I think it's cool to show your emotions; I think it's cool to tell the person—like I call my mom up and I tell her how beautiful she is too, like, and I, I, I think it's cool to make people feel good; I think it's cool to, like, you know, I just feel like people, like, are trying to push people down a lot sometimes, like, to make themselves feel better, but you look so much cooler and so much better if you're making other people feel better. Not even that you would look, you'd feel like a better person. That's what I'm saying though, but it's like I don't understand why people, like, choose not to do that, and it's like, yeah, it's, it's something I'm very passionate about, something that I do want to start talking about more. I want to be a good example; I'm not the perfect person; Lord knows I've made tons of mistakes and continue and will continue to, but I think it's important that we talk about that.

Yeah, I'm really glad you both raised it because I think so many of us are actually accepting less than we deserve because we want what's cool, not what we deserve.

Yeah, me explaining to you right now, I want to change my whole approach to anything because of like one thing that I did, like that's—I don't want to have to change who I am, like that was hurtful for sure; I don't never want to do—I don't do any of that. Like when some people—I don't care what's going on—no, he's great at that, which helps me not care as much. I don't care about what anyone said; I don't care about comments; I don't care about press; I don't care about interviews; I don't care about what anyone says; I just love—yeah, I just try to have—you always been that way?

Yeah.

What, what made you that confident? Cuz I think a lot of people need to hear that cuz it's like this, okay, why are you reading the comments? Okay, there's two reasons: you're either reading the comment because you want people to be like, "Oh my God, I love you," or you want someone to say, "You piece of s***, you're ugly, you look like," you know what I'm saying? And it's like, and you don't need either one of those answers. I'd rather just freefall through life, and I don't need to know any of that stuff, and I don't—I've never even read an interview back ever that I've ever done. I don't look at the pictures. Like I ask my manager, I say, "Hey, did I say something stupid in the interview?" And if he says yes, I said, "What did I say that was stupid?" Or I say, "Okay, great." If it's something like—I don't want to know. There's always going to be someone trying to bring you down. Hating is free, okay? So people are going to be hating all over the world; they're going to be hating from their bedroom; they're going to be—and I just don't even understand it. I've never even thought in my mind to, like, to, like, go on someone's page, be like, "J, that shirt's ugly, why'd you wear that? Those stripes look like"—Jay—no, I never even thought about that. Like if anything, I write, like, "Oh my God, I love this show, Jay," like I, I, and I just don't think we live in this weird world where people seek validation in so many different ways, and I don't think we need—and I know it's hard; I know it's hard, and people want it, and you want to read the comments, you want to look at it, but I just don't think I'm going to gain anything from it. In that time I could be looking at those comments, I could be hanging out with my friends or, like, going on a walk or eating something delicious, much healthier.

Yeah, I think I think you have that too, and it's why you've been so successful in music, Benny yourself, because I think you can create original sound because it's not trying to be like someone else or impress someone else, like it's, it's partly why you're so good at your craft, because to make great music, to invent new sounds, to create new genres, to create spaces for artists to play in, it requires that confidence in—"I'm not trying to sound like this; I'm not trying to be like this; I'm not trying to impress." So it's really interesting too because I feel like when you're growing up your whole life, you're told to fit in, and then when you grow up, you have to stand out, but then when you stand out, then everyone has a chance to point fingers, because when you're doing something differently, that's the only time people point fingers. If you kind of follow what everyone else is doing, no one will ever point fingers.

Do you, do you read the comments?

No, I'm the same as you, but I, I got really good advice early on as well. I remember someone saying to—they said, "Jay, you get—if you get 100 comments, you're going to look through all of them to find the one that's negative, right? That's the way the brain—and then you make it out like that one negative comment, the entire comment section." And so if someone said, "Jay, those stripes are ugly," I'm not walking around my whole life thinking the stripes are ugly. And let's get honest, that goes even deeper. If someone says something about you—when you were saying like someone called you fake or someone—well, I was basically also going to point out that women have it much—please tell—yeah, tell us about—from my perspective, it's, it's pretty, um, wild, and I think this isn't news to anybody that obviously women have a lot more intense feelings from their appearance to, you know, what they are wearing to everything. Then I'm saying this is to me—when I get prepared for an event, 90% of the time I'm just like, I just hope I can take the picture and sit down. It's the character that gets judged; it's the way I'm not white enough, I'm not Mexican enough, I'm, I, I don't know; there's just these so many different things that come up in, in my face that I can't help but see. But I, I fall victim to like looking at, at things, and it really, it doesn't add to your life, but it's just so difficult. From the choices of, you know, the people you date, it's like nobody cares about those kind of things with men; they're just like, yeah, they, they did that, they said that, they, you know, they did this. And so I think we just carry a lot—oh, yeah, my weight's a big one too; everyone just has something to say, and it's really making me sad, and not even sad cuz, you know what, no, I'm not a victim of—I just think it's made me a tad bitter, and feel really guilty for saying that, but it's true. I, I don't know; it's a really interesting time, isn't it? Because, and I'm so happy that you both are talking about this because I feel like on one end we're all like, "Body positivity, let's talk about mental health, let's protect each other," like there's this whole conversation, and then on the other side we're like pointing fingers at people about their weight and their appearance and whatever else it is, like you said, judgments of character, especially saying with women. And I find that so interesting because I'm like, "Wait a minute, don't we realize that the same people who are saying 'Mental health matters' are the same people that are pointing fingers at people that can affect people's mental health?"

I'm just happier that I don't have that. You know, I had to stop after a while, and I still take breaks completely cuz I'm human, so of course sometimes I read things, and, but I do most of the time ignore most of everything. I don't have anything on my phone at the moment, so there are ways to combat it. I'm doing it; I'm not in like, um, I'm not in like—"I hate it." I understand the power of what social media is; it's just, um, tricky.

Yeah, yeah, it is very tricky. But thank you, guys.

Yeah, thank you for opening up about it because I can imagine it just gets exhausting after a while; it's just like, just tired of it, you know, it just because it's all the same, and you're processing all the same stuff. But what about for you, Selena? What's been the way that you've been able to manage your crazy work schedule, staying committed to the relationship, finding time to make memories and make space?

I think, you know, I will say it's, it's very hard for me, and like Benny said in the beginning, it was very difficult for me to take trips away; it just makes me feel—once I understood and got to know him, and I wasn't afraid to tell him, like, "Hey, I just want to make sure, like, it's not that I don't trust you, can you just text me before you, you know, go to your next thing?" And I was able to do that with him, and he wasn't combative; he wasn't like, "Why, I don't, what you don't trust me?" It was just more like, "Yeah, I could totally do that." And with that, day by day, I feel more and more open, and, you know, we're going to—

Be separated again while I go shoot in New York, and um, yeah, I'm ready for it. I think it's it's doable, but it's not fun exactly. It's it's not fun, but but it found it sounds like you found a system that works for you, and the the system is so simple, is literally just listening to the other person. If the other person says, hey, I need this, it's not now like a debate around whether they don't trust you because I think a lot of us, if someone said that to you, Benny, like it would be easy for your reaction to be like, well, how can you not trust me? Like you always know where I am, like how why do I have to do this every day? Like you could have that reaction, but that reaction doesn't make the relationship better, and I think that's where often that goes where someone vulnerably says, hey, all I need is this.

If someone's coming at you with a certain energy, you're already going to buck back. Like she always comes in a way where she's like, well, I didn't like this because of this, this, and this. I'm like, she said it's so nice that I have to I'm like, no, because I'm like, I have to approach this in a different way because she came at it with such class and effort. So like I'm not going to come back at her like that; I'm going to come back at her and say, well, I agree with what you're saying, or you know, I disagree, and here's why, you know, and it and that's how we talk through everything. Yeah, and then another thing was I really wanted a person that when I wake up, I think to myself, I'm like, how can I make Selena's day better? Like how what can I do in my day to make her day better? Because then that makes my day better, and I wanted to find a person like that.

And I know when Selena wakes up, like the first thing she's thinking is like, how can I make his day better? And we have such a give and take. Like I could never even see a world where I would ever yell at her, she would ever yell at me; like we don't argue like that. Like I feel like I feel like we just have conversations; like there's never an argument. Sometimes she'll say, this is so funny, oh boy, no, no, no, she'll do this, and it's really cool; she'll go, I'm feeling a little irritated, and I think I need like 25 minutes, and I'll say, okay, okay, and then I give her her space, and then after like 5 minutes, she texts me, she's like, hey, will you come back? You but but it's but it's knowing that, and we have the proper boundaries set with each other. Like I don't have to be on top of her every second; she doesn't have to be on top of me every second. We're together; I just want to know she's in the house so I can say like, hey, I love you, and then go back to what I'm doing, you know what I mean? Cuz look, we're both highly independent people, okay, but we're both little mushes who just need to be attached to. Yeah, we are so cheesy; it's so fun. Yeah, but it's like but I feel like I think it helps us too that we're both, you know, on my list, the thing was I wanted someone to be driven and inspired by something. I didn't care if they made any money or anything; I just wanted someone to be so into something that they did every day.

And when she comes back from her day and she tells me what she did, I'm like, I'm not sitting there like, yeah, okay. Like when you're talking to your mom, you know, when you're talking to your mom and you just say your mom just keeps talking, you go, yeah, uh-huh, yeah. Like she comes back and like my eyes light up because I see the enthusiasm; I see what she did, and I'm like, and it inspires me, and I'm like, I got to do more in this thing, and it's like we're in this place where we're inspiring each other, and we're so inspired by what the other person's doing, and and she'll help me out; she'll be like, well, what if you did it like this, this, and this? And I'm like, and and then she'll say something and I'll be like, well, why don't you handle the situation? Because we have such different personalities that are also the same, but we're the thing that one of us is really good at the other one maybe lacks a little bit, and vice versa, and it's so cool to be able to like workshop like little conversations or how to handle a situation, and it and I just feel so comfortable with her like that I can say anything, and she won't ever say, I don't know. I love the maturity. I mean, hearing you both talk about it, yes, but let's be clear, we are not the perfect it's not perfect. You're disagreeing. No, no, no, but I think the maturity of and and I agree with you; I think I think that's actually the difference, and I'm glad you brought that up. I think there's a big difference between maturity and perfection. Yeah, perfection is saying we never have a disagreement; we never have to take space from each other; we, you know, which you're not saying; you're saying, hey, I just asked for 25-minute space, and then I was like, wait a minute, I need you. And I think a maturity in that because it requires maturity from both parts for you to first say, hey, I need space, for you to say, I get it, I respect you, and then for you to have the maturity to say, actually, I want you back, and for you to be like, not like, oh, I told you so, for you to be like, I'm here for you; like that that's not perfection to me; that's maturity, and I think that's I really want people to get that from it that you are going to have disagreements; you are going to want space.

Like me and Ry went through that; she at the beginning of our relationship, if we had a disagreement, and we were the same, we never we made a rule that we never raise our voices at each other because I came from a home where it was not great; she comes from home where her parents don't raise their voices, but I was just like, I never wanted that in my home. I wanted the energy of my home to be so sacred, and I wanted the energy of the home to always have a space where everyone just walked in and felt like a warm hug, and I was like, we can't argue and then expect that to happen, but it took a long time for us to realize that when she at the start of our disagreement she wanted space, and I used to say to her, well, if you don't want to talk about it right now, that means you don't care about me, and that wasn't true; she just needed space to process. So it took time for us to mature, for me to realize, wait a minute, you wanting space is you caring for the relationship. Some people, I get it, they want to talk about it right then; they want to the one thing that also works for us so much is like we're not chill people, but we're like not we're never going to get I like I'm not going to yell at anyone in my life.

Yeah, same. Yeah, and you know, I I came from a home where a lot of that was happening, and I saw like at a young age, and I was just like, well, like my parents weren't speaking the same language; obviously, they were speaking the actual same language; they weren't speaking the same language to each other to communicate. And if someone comes at you like hostile right away, the first thing I'm going to do, and I know she's going to do, is shut down, so you're not getting anything, you know, and I always say this, guys are so quick to like they got to win; they got to win the argument, and it's like, what are you doing? What are you winning? Like you're going to argue with your wife and like make her cry, and then you're like, I won that argument, and then she hates you and resents you. Like wait, like don't be an idiot. And and it's like I only I've been guilty though to start. Yeah, I don't know, I just not of you, sorry. I think for me, I necessarily felt like in other uh situations of mine it was um I was very reactive; I think that's why I was alone for 5 years cuz I really needed to collect myself. I think in the past that's why I say to him all the time, 10 years ago, it's not that I wouldn't have wanted to be with you; I just wouldn't have been in the right head space, and I don't think that you deserve what I had gone through before. So I've learned a lot of lessons, and I've made mistakes, and and I just want this to be right. So for me, that was a lesson that I had to learn cuz I think girls can equally want to be right; that for me it was really difficult in the past, and he's made it unbelievably easy to the point where if I even get to the point where I'm so h frustrated, he's like very quick to understand; I'm I hear you; like you're allowed to feel that, and that helped me shift where my mind used to go, which was a little bit of anger. So so it was the validation of how you felt in those reactive moments. Yes, that allowed you to not be reactive. What was it that allowed you because I feel like as Benny was saying earlier, you carry this baggage from all of our relationships into this one. I respect Benny because he's done nothing but respect me. I again trust him; I can tell him anything, even if it's about something that's uncomfortable, and maybe she should just talk to your girlfriends like he is that, and that helps calm me down to say, okay, so I'm going through these things because of maybe what I had before or whatever it is; it's nothing is ever bad; like nothing in my life I regret, and I'm so so happy for my journey, and I'll continue to be. It is a lesson that you have to be patient and learn, and I just I can never picture myself disrespecting him. I think well, it's it's also just a different thing because it's like look, none of us are perfect; like she gets spicy sometimes, and when I see something happening, it's about guiding the missile, not adding a jetpack on top of it with a with like machine gun artillery. Like I want to make if I see her getting to a place where I'm like, man, in five minutes from now, this room could explode, I'm never going to let it get to that 5 minutes from now; I'm going to say, what are all the tools that I know that work for her that I've learned over like I'm not going to exacerbate a situation; I'm going to try to calm it down because why do I want to be in that position where we're both just like upset about something? I don't want to just comment down and tell her what she wants to hear. I'm not saying that I'm not saying like to your partner be like, yes, you're right; you're totally right; like everything you no, I think you listen and you say like, okay, we're like sometimes I even I'll say like, let's not let it get there; let's like just talk about this, and I I do think physical touch is always like a very big way; like if you're in a conversation with your partner, like it's like sometimes just like a hand helps or just holding their hand while you're telling them or giving them a hug while you're telling them, and and if someone's upset, let them talk it out first, and then after they talk it out, be like, okay, well, here's what I think, you know, and and you can work through these things together. Such an easy way, very constructive; it's not always easy, I can tell you that, and sometimes we just someone wants to be frustrated, and it's like sometimes she'll tell me that she'll just be like, I know it's going to be okay, but like I just want to be frustrated in this moment. Yeah, and and I'll have to redirect because I'll be like, you know what, you have every right to be in this moment, and she'll say this is why she said this is why I want to be frustrated in this moment; she said it the other day about something I can't even remember, and I was just like, oh my God, I was like, yeah, I was like, that makes so much sense; I was like, I don't agree agree with the frustration; we'll get there afterwards, and I was like, but I get it; I get it, and it's so cool, and I've never quite had a relationship like with her, and we're the furthest thing from perfect in the world; we're perfect for each other; we're not perfect for everyone else, but I think the thing that's cool is that we've had all these experiences; I've had all my experiences where it wasn't right, and I'm like, oh, okay, I'm going to change that the next time, you know, with this person or with that person, and I think that's when you really grow is when you take all your experiences, good or bad; like I I'm like her; I take every experience in my life, my past partners, my family, my everything; it's like everything happened for a reason, and I'm not going to sit here and mope about like things that could be better or different; what I'm going to do is I'm gonna say, okay, I learned this, and now I'm gonna put it into practice. Yeah, yeah, you know. Yeah, for me, I always I always said to Ry, I always say to my wife, do you want me to listen? Do you want me to fix this, or do you just want me to go through it with you? A lot of make it clear for me because they don't want you to fix it right away, and I'm not saying I'm saying men or women, sometimes it's not about fixing, you know, everyone is, you know, I'm such a problem solver, and you are too, so it's like your first thing I know the first thing in your head is like, how can I fix this situation? But sometimes it's not about fixing it right there; sometimes it's about just like, you know, especially for women who are like strong, like both our partners, they don't have a lot of time to be vulnerable in all the areas of their life; they have the world on their backs; your wife has there's so many people that rely on her; there's so many people that rely on her, so sometimes they just want to complain about something, and that's okay; that's okay; it's okay; who else are they going to do it to? They might as well do it and you and you just listen.

I have to ask you both about this because I was so excited when the news came out, and it just you know, it was it was so beautiful to see it go from where it started to this, but your proposal and and now you're engaged, and like that just I can tell I mean, it just it feels just beautiful being in the same space with you both loving on each other, which is great. Uh, Selena, what was the proposal like? Like we have a video of it, but um, I want to save that for us and just keep that private, but basically what I will share is that I thought we had a shoot that day, and I had hair and makeup, and I was during my regular day; I get in the car, and I'm thinking to myself, where are we going? Cuz at this point, I feel like I know a lot of the studios that I go to, and I just started getting a little frustrated because I was like, this seems far, right? And I'm just just me and my security, and he's laughing cuz he's just like, oh, it's just you know, I don't know; it's a new space. I was like, okay, we get out; I just I walk in, and all of a sudden, I see no one's in the room, and I just look at my assistant, and she just shuts the door, and I was like, uh, and I like kind of walked on to you know, the area that he had set up, and um, you know, I think you envision all the things that you would do and say when someone asks you, but it is actually the craziest feeling; it was really special; he he said the sweetest things, but I also was so shocked that it it just felt unreal for a long time, and I don't know; I've always dreamt of that moment, and he couldn't have made it more perfect, and yeah, it was one of the best days of my life for sure. I wasn't nervous until one second before; I was so not nervous; I was doing work until one second before; I was approving masters for an album that was coming out that night, and then right when it happened, right when it was about to happen, I said, oh, what the am I gonna say? And I'm so good with words usually; I can't remember anything; if we didn't have a video of it, I wouldn't have even remember what I said. You know, I had known I was gonna propose to her for so long, and you know, I never cared about marriage; wasn't a thing in my head; she cared about it so much, so I said, well, now I care about it because she cares about it, and I found myself not even thinking it was going to be a big deal till I was there, and then I said, holy, get married now. And in the moments leading up to it, it's not really real until it's real. I remember it was so special for me because it was special for her, and then it was yeah, she said the two times you said that were the best things in your life for that, and then when I got you w bger. Yeah, what's this? I want to know about this. What bger is a restaurant chain that I'm not sure where they are, but they're not in California, and they're not in New York, and I love this chain so much cuz there's a million in Texas where I'm from, and I love the biscuits, Texas toast, and gravy; it's so good, and we don't have that. And for Valentine's Day, he surprised me, and this was it; this is all we really did; I was on the phone, and he comes in with Water Burger, and I literally look at him like I'm freaking out, and he had someone apparently they opened up in Vegas, and while we were talking, someone drove kept it warm, and then no didn't keep it warm; I so I did you re it; what I did was I got all the parts to it and talked to the people there and figured out how I could reheat it the best way, and I was reheating it in all different ways, putting it together, and then yeah, brought it to her because to me, someone like C could have anything in the world; the best thing you could do, she said it right after she said right when I gave it to her, she said, I can't believe you listened and remembered my order and remembered all these things in such an easy way, and then you just did it; she said that's what makes this gift so special is that you actually like listened to the things, and it goes such a long way, but I did the my two favorite moments are the proposal and whater. I was just think I was just so far; he's done wonderful things; that's brilliant. I was just thinking something so crazy; did you know we were born within 10 minutes from each other? Yeah, really? Yeah, on the same day? No, no, no, uh uh place. Oh, she was born in Texas. Yeah, I was born right near her, like 10, 15 minutes away, and you never met in Texas ever? That no, no, he can't I don't claim Texas; no, I was born in Texas, but I grew up in Virginia; I claim Texas; she claims Texas; she claim. Do you remember your proposal? Of course, I remember my proposal; it was it was very uh I would say I was definitely impacted by lots of social media trends for sure. I in my chap my first chapter of my second book, which is all about love, I talk about how I would redo my proposal because you didn't like it, so not that I didn't like it; it was perfect for the time, but it's so wasn't us; like it could so I'll tell it; it's embarrassing, but I'll tell it; I'll tell it. So we were walking down one of our favorite walking paths on the bank of the temps in London. Yeah, and we're walking down; I told Ry that we were going to a dinner with my family, and it was in a nice place, so she's dressed up and everything, and we come out, and then this random guy out of nowhere walks out with a bouquet of flowers, massive one; he hands it to her, and then I had an a cappella group sing Bruno Mars, and it was really sweet; they were great; they were very talented, uh, and then I got down on one knee, and then I asked her to marry me, and thankfully I was crying the whole time; thankfully she said yes, but I tell that story to say it could have been anyone's proposal. Yeah, and I had food brought in from her favorite restaurant, but by the time I got there, it was cold, and it was I didn't I didn't do what you did, Benny, so I messed up, and then when we walked around the corner, there was a white horse-drawn carriage that took us around the city. I'm done, but then when we got so then we were going back to her parents on the train to tell her parents what had happened, and I told them I was proposing that night, but we were going to hers, and we got to her house, and her parents opened the door, and they looked at her and they were like, what did he do to you? Because she had hives all over her face because I didn't know she was allergic to horses, and she didn't know either, and so that was the night we figured out that she was allergic to horses, and so that story reminded me that I did know her, but I didn't yeah, and you know, we've the thought is what c yeah, I was trying I was trying really hard, but it's one of we've been together for 12 years and married for nine, so we're doing all right, but I look back on it, and I look at how much of my life was just impacted by the world of love, and now knowing my wife as deeply as I do, I would do it completely differently, so I'm trying to convince her to renew our vows and our 10 years of marriage, and and also because our friends have changed; like we got married nearly 10 years ago now; we moved how much your life yeah, so much has changed, and so I'm like the people I want to celebrate my did you even have the podcast then? No, no, no, nothing; no, no, no. When did you have the podcast? Podcast is six years old. Yeah, wasn't she on like your first ever episode? She was my first episode. Yeah, my wife's my first episode. Yeah, so sweet. But yeah, we'll do it again, and I think it's a great reminder of just how much we evolve and mature in relationships, and how it's okay to look back and go, hey, like, you know, it's a great story. Yeah, it's a fun story; it's a fun story, but uh but yeah, no, I'm so happy to hear about how beautiful this proposal was. You nailed it, Benny; you just you know, just you're the man. I mean, it's it's it's beautiful to hear, and and I mean, last time we were together, Benny, you talking about wedding planning; how's that going? We have not even begun um because I think for right now there's just so much going on; I have to go and shoot um a series for a while, and I don't know; we'll just see; we're not in any rush, and I'm excited to see yes; I don't even care about the next no, it's no, but like we're we're honestly we're so we've been doing so much stuff; we haven't even gotten to really just like bask in the glory, so it's like I think we're looking forward to doing that in New York a little bit. And what does that look like for both of you, just you two spending time together? Yeah, he's very good at at like organizing and planning, and I'm very visual, so

I'm like, this is what I like, and this and this, and then he figures out how to, it'll be whatever she's already told me the types of things she likes and wants for a wedding. It'll be fun. I love it. You both obviously got back into the studio together, recorded an amazing album. I got to listen to bits of it; it was, it was a, it was an interesting process, but I'll tell you about that offline. But I got to listen to it, and what I loved was I was surprised. I, I thought it was going to be about your relationship, but it sounded that it was about a history of your life, singing. It felt like a history of love, but the interesting part is it actually has multiple different stories.

Yeah, some of the songs are actually about, you know, his past relationship. So I think that it was really special because we were able to talk about those kind of emotions and feelings, and not a lot of people maybe feel that comfortable doing that with a partner. But I don't know, we told each other all kinds of things, like I would if I was in a session with someone I trusted. And so yeah, you'd be surprised. I mean, of course, it's not all about, you know, rainbows and sunshine, but it's, it's real, and I, and I think these are all feelings people have felt before, and that's what we really wanted is people to connect to the music, whether, you know, you like it or not. We're just stoked that we got to make an album that we're proud of.

No, it's beautiful. I feel like the thing that's so cool about it is I've been fortunate enough to make a lot of songs in my day, and people come up to me all the time and they say, "This song changed my life," because I would, you know, I was going through the same thing. And sometimes it is what I wrote about, and sometimes they think the meaning is nothing of what I wrote about, but that's the best part about music, that it hits you. It's like music is one of the senses; it's like food; it's like, like there's certain things, certain smells, certain songs, they bring you back to a time immediately. Okay, like you're immediately transported, and it's so cool that everybody can be listening to the same song and have a completely different relationship with it, and I feel like that's so cool.

What was it like going from working together that first time to this time? Like, what was different? And what was different is I never allowed him in the room. I can kiss her now, and I just, I liked to record alone. What's really different is I feel like we got to talk about stuff that she would never talk about as an artist if it wasn't with her partner being next to her. And honestly, I would take out, I would just write everything she said. Sometimes she'd wake up from a dream and she's like, "I had this terrible dream, and this is what it was," and blah, blah, blah. I write it down, then it becomes a song. Wow. It was so cool being able to, I don't know, it was like therapy.

Well, you were saying to me when we spoke on the phone, I think it was last week, you were saying that was just, it was like a safe space to be, so you could say whatever the you want. There's certain things you wouldn't be able to say if you were, if I was, "Hey, babe, like I just want to…" She'd be like, "What? Talking about?" But if, but if somehow, like when I'm playing chords while we're saying it, it's like, "Oh, okay," and what a great story. Yeah, and you can just talk about things, and you're more open. It's, it's like a therapy session; it's like, it's a safe place. And like, it was cool to learn things about her that I don't know if I would have learned ever, or as soon as I did.

Did it bring you closer, were making the album? Like, what was it like being together, but then making an album together and being together? Absolutely. We were able to share things with each other, and he would listen to my doubts, and he would give me great notes, and it was never criticizing; it was always coming from a really gentle place. And I do, I think it absolutely has brought us closer, but that's also time and spending it with him. It's so, we got to spend so much more time together. Yeah, like, 'cause like our work days got to blend a little. Yeah. It's a great excuse to spend time together. I'm always trying to find ways to work more with my wife. I know. And then just trying to come up with new excuses. I know that's all I want to do. Yeah, yeah. That's how I would do it, too.

And you had some amazing collabs as well on the album. I mean, obviously you've launched the song with Gracie, and Gracie's amazing. She's my, God, I'm so happy that she's, she was just such a doll and so talented. And you've known her, so I should say, since she was like 13. But I love her. Did you interview her yet? No, no, I haven't yet. Yeah, you've been a fan for a while. I've known her since she was 14. Wow. So to see where, I put her on an album like five years ago, so like to see where she's gone is so cool. And you know, I'm always one who like loves new talent, new artists, and she's great. She has such a great point of view; her writing comes from such a good place, and it's just like, I love people where it feels like they're like, and Selena does it too, where it feels like they're just kind of talking to you, and then you're like, "Oh, wait, I'm listening to a song," but like, what, what you know. Yeah, it's just, you know, making the album with her, I felt like it taught me, I was just like, "We're really good at communicating with each other," and saying, like, and setting boundaries and saying when we like something, when we don't like something.

Yeah, how do you do that when you're in a relationship and you're like, "I, I don't like the sound of that," like that, that we're both… I think it comes down to ego, and we both don't really have that. So if we just agree on something, it's like, "Okay, agree to disagree," like that's fine. But yeah, of course, if I say, "I don't know if I like that," he, he most of the time doesn't even question it and just is really receptive to my… Yeah, we just don't have any ego, so it doesn't matter. He could say, "No, I don't like it," and I'd be like, "Okay, that's amazing."

What are you hoping, is there a song in there that you're really excited for fans to hear, or anything specific? I think I want people to hear the whole body of, and like, I don't really think about music like that. I make it for myself, and if, and luckily people happen to like some of it. And we started this thing in our room, and we recorded the whole album in the house and with our friends. That's so intimate. That's… Have you ever done that before? Not like this. No. Yeah, no. And it was like, it kind of blurred reality a little. It was the most fun I ever had, and I just like wanted a piece of music to be able to, I don't know, one day like show our kids and be like, "Look at this, like look at this thing Mommy and Daddy made," and like, "I can't believe it." Like, it's so cool to me. Yeah, I don't care what happens with it; I was just like so excited to do this with the person I love and freeze a moment in time in a way that not a lot of people have the ability to do, and like we had, we were lucky enough to do that.

Yeah, Selena, you mentioned earlier always wanting to, to be a mom, and Benny, you just mentioned kids. Is that, are you both like big family, big lots of kids kind of people? I mean, I, I don't know what will happen obviously, but I, I love children. I mean, I have an 11-year-old sister that I absolutely adore, and I'm still doing Wizards this, this far along because I love children. I love making them laugh; they're just so sweet. So absolutely, when that day comes, I'm so excited for it. It's funny, we'll be at, we'll be at like a gathering or a party, and not many people know this, but like Selena is like the ultimate level of shy, like the ultimate, ultimate, ultimate level of shy, like couldn't, I don't know. A lot of people, sometimes I get check, couldn't be more of like an introvert, shy, which is crazy because she's the biggest star in the world, and it's like, I'm not, I hate when she walks into a room. Her, yeah, her main goal is to like disappear into the crowd. That's like her, her goal is to just like… Everyone… It's, it's my mom is very sim, her and my mom are very similar, and they're, you know, they're never gonna, if there's a crowd of people, they're never going to like be like, how like me or probably you would do. We're like, like we're talking, they're not going to do that. They're like, wait and say like one thing throughout the night that winds up being like the most poignant or funny thing of the night, but like I'm going to have diarrhea of the mouth, talking to everyone. And whenever there's kids at a place, it's the only time I see her do that. She immediately goes to the kids and like has these conversations for like hours with the kids, it's taking care with the kids. And I think it's also, I think it probably also has to do with like when you started doing this you were a kid, and that was your way to connect to people, and I feel like you still feel like you have that obligation to connect with like young kids because you made, so you shaped so many young people's lives, whether it was Barney, whether it was Wizards, and I feel like you're still finding your way to do that. And it's so crazy just to see because she's transcended into so many different categories. It's so hard to call her like, you know, a pop star or this an actress or that, you know, you don't know what to call her. There's so much of a multi in it. Yeah, just your name. You notice it sometimes when we see people, 'cause you'll see a little girl come up to her crying, then you'll see her older sister that's like 20, then you'll see the mother and then the grandmother, so like it's like she's hitting all these boxes in people's lives and touching so many people. And you know, she's such a hermit that she doesn't even realize it all the time, and you know, I'm always reminding her of like what she's doing and how special it is and how she's always been so, you know, outspoken, will always say what, what's on her mind, and is always, you know, just, I just, I just feel like she's, there's not a lot of people who are like just ab, absolutely authentically themselves, and like that's what draws me towards her more than anything else. She's always going to tell you how she's feeling; she's always gonna be herself; she's never gonna try to be somebody else.

Well said. You know, I love it. Oh, Benny and Selena, I'm so grateful to you both for just opening your hearts, being so only with you. Huh? Only with you. Yeah, I can't believe you got her to say some of this stuff. She never said, very, very… She would never say this. Is there anything you didn't say that I, that you wanted to say? I want to make sure… No, I mean, that a genu, actually am thinking, I, I just, I'm just really grateful that people like you exist because you, you bring so much joy to people, and also understanding, you know, so many different ways of life and navigating that, and I think you're a great example, so I just would like to say thank you. I trust with that information, and it's always a pleasure to be with you, so thanks for having us. No, you're both, you're both just so special. You've always been… I've always said Selena for years that you know, no matter, and those moments where I could tell you were shy or wanting to disappear, but always being so gracious and kind to me and my wife whenever we were together and making us feel comfortable even if you felt uncomfortable. And Benny, you know, just the wonderful conversations we've had over the last couple of years, and I feel like we've done everything, we've talked about so many different things, and we are both kind of like that, you know, back and forth, back and forth kind of people, uh, but you've both done the final five before on the show, so we wanted to do something different with you both. Okay, we wanted to play a little couples game. Oh, so I'm going to hand you f… Oh my God, these boards. Oh, I know exactly. You take one each. They're fun, fun questions, fun question. Okay, I'm not gonna take what you just told me and turn it around, so, um, so we're gonna do where we're gonna, I'm gonna ask you questions, you both have to write something down, and then we'll reveal, so don't look at each other's answers. Question number one: If Benny would cook you anything in the world, Selena, what would he choose to cook for you? So both of you can write down… So Benny, if you're gonna cook anything for Selena, what would it be? Oh, like what do I think she wants the most? Yeah. Oh, because there's a few, like four or five things… I think I know what she's gonna say. Uh, it's a hard question. It's a hard question. I know it. Should I write down three? No, no. For anyone who doesn't know, Benny is an insane connoisseur of food, very good. I think I know… Okay, I don't think it's gonna be the same thing. It's okay, that means you just, that's okay. There… Three, two, one. P… I did steak. I thought you… That's actually, that's what I wrote. That's what you… Oh, you did? Yes. But I love… He makes this corn dip that I can just eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But that's a good thing that there's more than one thing. There's a lot. That's a good thing. Yeah, that's amazing. I love it. All right, Selena, if you would cook anything for Benny, what would you choose to cook? Okay. All right. Oh my gosh, what would I do? Wait, is it not what I think you're gonna say? I think you're gonna say this, uh, because I like… I got… You got it, Benny already. Yeah, I think so. Okay, three, two, one. Okay, corn, corn. Foot. Very aligned. I like this. Said, "Order a pizza." You're doing good. This is great. Okay, this one's, this one's a bit more… I'm, I'm intrigued to see what comes out of this. It's not, it's not about how well you know each other. It's an interesting one. If your partner could master any skill instantly, what would it be? Selena is very… Everyone who's listening and not watching, it's like every time I ask a question her pen hits the, hits the uh, board immediately. All right, what do we have? Three, two, one. Everything. It's annoying, to be able to sleep through the night. Yeah, that's what you would want. That's what you would want. Yeah. Super power. No, I thought it was saying if you could master a skill, like master a skill. Yes, I'm sorry. He'll put on a video game, he will be… Well, he'll play basketball, he does… Well, he'll do like Pro Tools, and then he'll do like all this stuff. I feel like this is the skill she'd want to master, to be able to sleep through the night. That's a real one. That's a lot of people are struggling, doesn't sleep, not sleep. We've done a lot of episodes on sleep because that's a real challenge for a lot of people. Yeah, it's hard, especially as we get older. You wake up in the middle of the night and… Yeah, not fun. All right. Okay. Okay. Uh, what's your partner's hidden talent that no one knows about? Okay, if I'm gonna, I'm gonna take this to Benny's level. What's her hidden… I don't even know if I spelled that right. That's okay. There's no spell check. But what's her hidden [Music] talent? I don't really have one. They're all too public. Oh, oh, oh, I know it. I know this is crazy. Is funny. I'm just loving the honesty, guys. You guys are really going there. It's beautiful. We, we like to be honest. Yeah, no, but it's, it's so, uh, it's refreshing. Okay. Okay. Three, two, one. List, hard on… Uh, she knows every episode of Friends by heart. Both… She knows, she knows all of the, the, the lines, every line. And you could name what episode did this happen, and I could tell you what season. Yeah. Wow. It's crazy. That's… I never even watched the show one time before her. Yeah, same as me and Ry. I didn't know she… My Ry knows it really well, and I'm like, "Love, I need to catch up." All right, that was good. I like that. What's both of you as perfect date night? Um, how real am I allowed to be? Uh, just don't be like, "I'm the worst at not wanting to do anything." No, no, no. Um… Old married couple. I love it. Her idea of a perfect date night is like, "Oh, I have so many," but this one's just based on… Oh, Benny's, Benny's planning the date night in his head right now. Mine's really simple. I never… It's so weird. Yeah, it's texting… You both got good handwriting for people who don't write, though. We're definitely not saying the same thing. This is going to be so nice and romantic. And mine is just… You guys literally remind me of me and Ry with the… Yeah, it's so funny. It's all right. Three, two, one, reveal. What's her say? Hot tub. Benny's food on a couch. Romantic dinner with some small thoughtful gesture, then something I can't write. I was trying to think… Very sweet. I like both the… And you're right, they're both good date nights. All right. What is Benny like on a flight? Because Benny notoriously does not… He's never seen me on a flight. Have you never… He does not fly till… Oh, I thought I thought you told me you must have done it once. I thought you… I've done it, but not since we've been dating. Wow. Yeah, yeah. So that's a blank. Wow. I didn't know that. That's, that one… Okay. Give us… What do you think Benny will be like on a flight? I don't even know if I want to know because I would be so worried about him. Yeah. Oh, sorry, was I supposed to write that? No, no, no, that's fine. A mess. Yeah, no, for sure. It's a real, real phob… I just, I think it's a big fear of his. Yeah. And that's real. It's real. Makes sense. All right. Okay. Okay. Uh, what's something your partner can do to make you laugh whenever you're in a mood? So even if you're in your worst mood, what can your partner do, or what does your partner do that will always make you laugh? Ah, um… So far, Benny and Selena know each other very well. This is going really well. This is crazy. I like the commitment from both of you. Extremely competitive. So Benny, as you're writing… How did you used to get to New York to see Selena? Would you drive? What do you mean? I'm about to do it. You drive from here to New York? Yeah, I'd take the boat to Europe. Okay, so explain that journey to us. Oh my God, it's so long. It's like, like first you have to drive to New York, and then you get on a boat for eight days, and you're on the Titanic. That is amazing. That is real commit… All right, three, two, one. Go for it. Go on, read it, Selena. Okay, it says, "Dance or rap or say a weird fact that has nothing to do with what we're talking about." Wait, that's what you're gonna… That's what you do to make her laugh. Well, that's what I… Oh, I did what I do to her to make her laugh. Oh, no, no, I wondered what the other person does to… That's what you did, Selena, right? That's what Benny does. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Benny, not because you rap as well. You're a good rapper. I did what I do to make her laugh. Oh, go on. What did you… You right now… I said, "I hug her and then get on top of her and then I do that little funny laugh, though." That's true. Okay, wait, what does she, what does Selena do that can make you laugh whenever she wants? She like… Uh… Selena's proven to be the better listener right now, so… Okay, wait, so… No, no, we'll skip it. We'll skip it. We got a good answer. What do you do that makes me laugh in any mood? Like whenever you're in any mood, like what can they do? Like… Yeah, like Ry would burst out into song and dance, like no relevance to anything. I think my existence makes you laugh. She'll make like a, like she does like this, like little face and where she like puts her head down and like looks at me and she's like… I can't even do it, but she'll do that. That'll make me laugh. And you'll usually get on top of me and… No, but she actually… This is really funny. When I try to get somewhat like heated, it's like, "He can't, can't take me seriously," so he'll smile and then I'll, and then I'll go from being like… That's true. Whenever she starts to get like angry, she's like, "No," and I, I just laugh at her because it's so hard to take her seriously when she's like that. Yeah, that's true. That's true. That's usually how our fights are. Yeah. Ry hates it because whenever she gets angry, I'm like, "You're so cute." What are you talking… She's like, "I'm not cute." I love that. That's all right. What's the one thing they can't live without apart from you? So about your partner. So Benny, you're writing about Selena. Selena's writing about you. What's one thing apart from you? This, this couldn't be easier, guaranteed. What do you mean, guaranteed? Easiest answer I could have ever thought of. That's the best question you could have ever asked me. I'm 100% right. Uh, somebody you can… What, what is it? Three, two, one. Mom. A space heater. That's true. Explain his space heater. Okay, so I, um, I have a very weird problem. It's not even a problem; it's just a me problem. I'm a very cold person. Got it. My temperature usually on my space heater is 90, and I let it go all, all over, and if I get hot, I just open the door and then close it again. It's so backwards and so weird. Temperatures are hard to… Everyone, everyone's got a different, uh, different vibe. Trust me, our office next door, the team's always arguing over what temperature the room's at. Some people want really cold, somebody want it really hot. We have a system. She always wants it hot. I love it. Okay. Uh, what's something the other person is really competitive about? What are you competitive… I'm really not a super competitive person. No. I don't know what she's… Tell me what you… I don't think Selena's not competitive. Oh, I was going to, I was going to say you are about games, but then you don't care anymore. Like you're competitive for like the first five minutes and… No, that's true. And then I'm start to think, "Oh, it's okay." Yeah, yeah. She'd for like five minutes. That's true. Okay. I love it. I love it. All right, so… Okay, last two questions. Okay. Actually, I'm gonna go for the last one because you both are big on this. I've heard from Benny… What's the other person's most memorable gift they got you, that he's given me, right? Yeah. So the most member one she gave me, correct? Okay. Oh, there's so many, but… Yeah, the one… There's no right answer. I know mine right off the bat. This is just the only one that I can think of, but there's so many. Yeah. Oh, sorry, was so bad… You saw his… No, I didn't. I just saw like a word… I love the commitment. I'm so… It's amazing. You're the best. That's like… All right, three, two, one. Who's gonna… All right, talk about it. Oh, that was good one. Okay, explain. Go ahead. This one is a picture from the set of Will and Grace. I thought it was extremely thoughtful because that's one of my favorite shows, and you could see it in the background of almost all the episodes. No, no, I got her actual piece of art that's in Will and Grace from the set. Yeah, I got… I knew the guy, my, my friend's brother wrote it, and I got her for one of her…

Birthday presents? I got her an actual painting that's hung up in Will and Grace. And when I gave it to her, the day I gave it to her, she was watching Will and Grace, and it was on the TV. It's so cool. That's that's a great gift.

And mine's a framed picture of our first text where we fell in love—like the first one where we decided we were going to go out on that date. She framed it and like made this like cute—she like made like like did all these designs. It's like macaroni and like glitter. I so love that. That's a great gift. Guys, you guys, that was one amazing Selena and Benny. You are truly two of the most special people. I'm so glad you found each other, and I am always rooting for you guys. I'm forever in your corner in every possible way. I love you both deeply and know that I'm always rooting for your love. And so thank you so much, genuinely so grateful for your…

Hey, do you want me to get you one of these boards? Are you writing more? What are you write? Come on, I expected a hug or like a hug or some sort of emoji. To buy now I know what I'm getting you for your birthday. He's obsessed with these things. Thank you, I love it. You can take them home. Well, we love you. Thank you for having…are the best. Thank you so much. I hope that allowed you to share everything you wanted to share. I felt so good. The best. I love it. Easy. We did it. Thanks, guys. You guys are so fun. How was that?

If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with more compassion. My fears are only going to continue to show me what I'm capable of. The more that I face my fears, the more that I feel I'm gaining strength, I'm gaining wisdom, and I just want to keep doing that.