High Mileage | DLTGOYHP Ep. 205

I remember one time, I'm going to give you a story. I was dealing with a girl and she had a friend and she was asking me for some advice. And I, I already had preconceived notions that I said, "Whatever she say, I'm going to say it's not a lot. Whatever number she say."

So, I'm sitting there, she's telling me her story, she's telling me her story. Fast forward, she goes, "Yeah, um, I don't want to tell you the amount of men I've I've been with." I said, "Why?" She said, "Because you're going to judge me." I said, "I'm not going to judge you." And then she was like, "Okay, please don't judge me." I said, "I'm not going to judge you." At the time, we had to be about like 25. And she said, "I'm going to tell you, but don't don't get don't judge me." I said, "I'm not." She said, "My half number is 50." Damn.

You know what I said? Her half number was 50. You know what I did? This is what I did. I'm going to be honest. This is what I did. I said I said >> [laughter] >> Remember I said I had preconceived notions. I said, "I'm going to say whatever number she say, I'm going to say it's not a lot." So, I said, "Yo, YOU KNOW WHAT? >> [laughter] >> AND RESPECTFULLY, SHE'S A BEAUTIFUL GIRL, but the issue is what we had to acknowledge is we always talk about the men that grow up without their fathers and how sassy they end up becoming, but we don't talk about the women who don't grow up with their fathers, how masculine they become and how hypersexual they become, looking for love in all the wrong places. We don't ever talk about that. We always brush that under the rug. All these women walk around here acting like they got it together. 70% of black households come from single mothers. So, therefore, there are women that are sitting around broken as well as men.

>> [music] >> Welcome to the Don't Let That Go Over Your Head Podcast [music] starring Q the Boss. Yo, yo, yo, yo. Welcome back to another episode of Don't Let That Go Over Your Head Podcast. They call me Q the Boss. Oh, yes. I got my bestie. Hey, bestie. You know, I want to give a the proper introduction. As y'all know who this is already. That my sister Hot. We call her over here at the podcast the diabolical one. Whatever. Shay say what up? >> [cheering and applause] >> Hi guys. Happy Sunday. Yes, sir. Cheers before we start. >> Cheers. >> I just something in me tells me you're going to piss me off today. I'm being honest with you. >> I just feel it. >> be my intention. >> know if it's the heat if it's anything. I'm not I don't want to cry today. I prayed before I came here. That's why I was late. Cuz I was praying on my way. So please be nice to me.

>> So um how was your week? I had a great week. It's amazing. Anything special? No, nothing special happened this week. Just Everything Um I did LLC my mobile bar. Let's give it up for her. Give her that applause. Let's give it up, guys. >> Yes, I did. Let's give it up. Thank you. It's called Pour Decisions. P O U R Decisions. So if you guys need >> You You got to create them. I like that. I know. I like that. Pour Decisions. I like that. So She said it cuz y'all can't steal it now, right? Got you. So I did that, but that's it. I spoke to you this week. We spoke a lot this week. >> Yeah, we did. Yeah, you were bored. >> talk to I got to talk with one of your friends. You was bored. You did. Nah, I'll be honest >> like she kind of chewed you up a little Nah, she didn't. She She chewed herself up. Let me just be honest. She did. You know you you you you know the issue is when um when you have a conversation and you ask a a man [clears throat] Mhm. certain questions, you have to be receptive of hearing what you don't want to hear. Okay. >> And a lot of times when I do talk to women, you have to be very mature to hear a conversation cuz I'm very honest. Okay. >> And a lot of times people take it as if I'm attacking. Mhm. But in reality, I'm just going to tell the truth. Okay. >> If you ask me, Q if a girl a guy's not answering their phone calls, what do you think? I'm like, "Babe, he got somebody else." Okay. >> And if a woman that don't want to hear that, you know she wanted to hear maybe he busy. That's what she In her mind, she wanted to hear that. But me, I'm just telling her like, "Yo, maybe he's sleeping with somebody else." And it gets a oh And then I'm like, >> But why do you automatically go to maybe he's Can he not be busy? >> No, yes he can but in the same breath a lot of times we make time for what we want and when a person is not making time for you is because you not who he really want. So it can be possible that if he just didn't pick up your call he may have just been busy. It has to be automatic. >> If it's a pattern, okay. You know you know that's what you got to pay attention to. Red flags is patterns. I'm saying red flags are patterns. So when you look at someone that's continuous red Red flags are patterns. So if you see someone continuously doing certain things you know that's a pattern. Okay. >> That's what makes someone You should be That's why you got to give it enough time to see somebody patterns okay because it's hard to pick up on my patterns if you haven't been around a person long enough. Like for instance I might know that you like to shoes off at the door. Why do I know that? Because I've seen the pattern of constantly coming to your home, right? So that's what you learn. But if you move so fast, you don't learn a person's patterns. You don't see red flags because every person looks perfect when you don't get to know them. Okay. Right? Okay. So what you So how was So so so What did you think she chewed me about my defense? I don't want to hear this. Here we go. You are so like >> No, you said it. So I'm like let me >> or just like narcissism mixed together. Like I don't know what it is. >> called names. >> think that I just think that she had good points. Like we You guys are going back and forth. I do think that, you know, she she was just, you know, counteracting some of the things that you were that you were saying. I mean You know what was bothering her? What was bothering her? >> Because I was saying the older thing and let me establish this. I do not say older women don't have a value. That's not what I say. I said men value younger women. Mhm. I never said older women don't have a value. Okay. >> That's never been what I said. What I do say is if a man has worked hard to build himself up and he is considerably the elite of men, he's going to be very selective and chances are he's going to date a woman that's younger. Okay, let's take uh Shaquille O'Neal. He's over 50. Do you think Shaquille O'Neal is looking for a 50-year-old woman? Okay. I'm asking, do you think so? I don't know what he's looking for. >> But in your mind? You see? I'm listening I'm just listening to you. We see it We've seen it We see his patterns, but again, Shaunie started off with him and and that was a different scenario. But moving on from that, he's definitely going to look for younger. Okay. And it's just because it's a preference thing. And I just think that a lot of times, and I think you take it as if I'm saying that women don't older women don't have value. That's not what I'm saying. And I do believe that you're 40, he's 40, it should make sense. Mhm. But that's not how he's going to view it because one, most successful men do not, right? Look for a woman that already has luggage and baggage. Meaning, a lot of times, I told you before, when a woman leaves a situation, she carries a lot of mental luggage with her. You ever got into an argument with a woman early in the relationship and it's it's exaggerated? And I'm looking at you like, damn, why is it so intensified? Because Tyrone that hurt you, Michael that hurt you, Chris that hurt you, Q's getting the the repercussions of those men hurting you. But then again, when you talk to this woman that you're dealing with, she's not seeing that you're not even really should be dating because you haven't healed from all of those scars that these men have left on your heart. So now, I have to play Dr. Fixer because these guys left her broken. This is why initially biblically a woman was supposed to be in the sense of clean cleansed like like pure. This is why women got dressed in white dresses because they were supposed to be virgins. The more experiences that a woman have, the more luggage they take in their relationships. They take on move on with it. And because again, y'all are emotional creatures. But I just don't think I think where we disagree is I don't think that's the case for all older women. Um, you're saying that most men most older men or a man who's established would prefer young women. I don't want to disagree with that because I can't speak for men. >> Okay. But I don't think that every older woman comes with baggage, comes broken, comes, you know, looking for a man to mend her. I do think that you have some older women that are just established, no BS taken, and sometimes I feel like some men don't want to step up to that. And I think when you've said in previous episodes that younger women are a lot more bendable, flexible. >> To me, I interpreted that as is it because you're able to kind of manipulate them somewhat because I feel like some younger women, not all, may just be a little bit more young-minded. So, for older men, I think a 50-year-old dating a 25-year-old is just a substantial difference. She hasn't even lived up to close of the You know what I mean? So, or maybe even a 50-year-old dating a 35-year-old. >> think there's anything wrong with that. I just think No, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it. I'm just saying that the age gap is significant enough where you've Your experiences versus hers are just totally different. >> question is, do you believe that a lot of the women that are becoming the older women, they have an issue with it because of the fact that they feel like they're losing the good men because they do prefer younger women? You ever had to say to her, "Do you believe that a lot of younger A lot of older women" >> Older women, right? They get mad at the fact that a lot of the men that are older like younger because they they're aged out from those kind of guys. Do they get offended? No, they feel like they aged out. They feel like they're obsolete to those guys. Jealous. So, is it like a little jelly in there? >> se I don't know if it's per se jealous. I don't I can't speak for every woman. I don't know if it's per se being jealous, but I do take offense to when I hear like, you know, "Older women, you're you lose value when you get older." Because I feel like some people say with age comes wisdom. And an older woman, you have some older women that have worked hard. You're talking about When you say older, I don't look at a 35-year-old, a 40-year-old, a 45-year-old as like older to who? Like older to what what age of men? To the dating pool. >> I I guess. I don't I don't I don't know. So, I can't call what I don't know. >> a 40, a 45-year-old man a 50-year-old man, if they broke, you don't think they they don't have no value like that in the dating world? Would you agree? A 50-year-old man, if he's broke, what do you what do you say broke? But he he has no motion. He has no We know what that mean. He has no motion. A 35-year-old >> no nothing going on. >> but he really don't have nothing going on. He's like really like he barely can take care of himself. Okay. Would you say he's not valuable in the dating world? I mean I got the I guess depending to who. I think yeah, you're right. Like most women are looking at at that age, they are looking for someone who's a little bit more established. I don't think a 50-year-old woman is looking for a man that she has to build up. We're in terms of he can't even take care of himself, but that's different from age. In the same way a 50-year-old >> you can't you can't [clears throat] People get older. Like age isn't something that you can control. We can control our finances. You can make more money. You can get another job. You can go back to school. You can get be promoted. Like but you can't control the fact that you're going to get older. That's inevitable. That's just the natural form of how things go. But when when the woman is [clears throat] when the woman if women would rather teach women when you're younger is when you have your highest value in the dating market. If they would teach them that and stop running from the logic of how men perceive women, we would not have a problem. The issue is when you have women who lie to younger women and say, "Girl, you you you older. I'm fine. I'm You look good for your age. Black women age fine. If they're not if they're taking care of themself. If she's in the gym, she's not drinking and smoking, black definitely looks a lot younger than particularly other cultures. Right? But what I'm saying is a lot of times when we have these discussions, I'm like rather than talk to these young girls, I have two daughters. I refuse to lie to them and tell them like, "Yo, wait till you 40 to start dating to to look for a husband." Yeah, but we never said that. We're not talking about waiting until But I'm saying things happen in life where people may get got You've got married at 25 or 30. You were married for 5 10 years and someone gets divorced. I don't I don't necessarily think I would discourage a woman and say, oh, you know, you have no value in the dating world because you're 40. I think there's someone for everyone. I do think that yes, you're correct when you say most men may like older women, but it doesn't it doesn't take away from the value of someone who's older to make her feel like she she doesn't stand a chance in the dating world now because she's 40. But who determines my value in the dating world? A man or a woman? You want me to say a woman? Is that I don't know what you're talking about. >> no, no, no, say I'm asking you. If you can't answer that question, that means we we we're not on the same I mean Who determines Okay, let me take you away. Who determines a man's value in the dating world? I guess you'd say a man or a woman. A guess? I guess you'd say a woman. Okay, so who determines a woman's value in the dating >> you're saying a man. So why we having this issue? Because again, it doesn't align with what people want to hear. That's why they feel a way. Dating market value and personal market value is two different values. If a woman sat here and told me she's a 10, right? And perceivably everybody looks at her as a three. I look at her as a 10, too. And the reason why is because she has a right to say she's a 10. Right. It's not It's again, it beauty's in the eye of the beholder. It's not my job to go around and tell who who is ugly, who is not ugly. Maybe I'm not attracted to her. But in the same breath, if she feels she's beautiful, more power to you. And it's not my job to try to make her feel small and little and make her feel like she's nothing, right? But I'm just saying in the dating world, I know that 10 won't transition to the reality of how men may see her physically. So I'm just being fair and honest. Yes, in your head you could feel hi, I'm a 10. But it doesn't transition when you go into the dating world because the dating world don't see her as a 10. And vice versa for a man. A man that doesn't have anything who may You know, you ever met some broke dudes that's very arrogant and cocky, right? In his mind, he's a 10. But when he goes into the dating world, he is not a 10. And again, he can go into the dating world with all the delusion he wants, but that's entirely up to him and vice versa for the woman. She can go into the dating world believing like, "Yo, I'm a 10." Okay. That's how you want, but again, you getting hit on by threes and fours because you are three and a four. I just think that's very different. Again, I think sometimes we kind of drift off from the point and I think we're we're we're we're going back and forth. We're talking about finances is one thing because I think that can change. We're talking about looks. We see people alter their looks all the time, right? But I think when it comes to age, women can take offense to that because again, I I when you say your value to a man decreases as you get older, I don't know if that's to all men. I don't know cuz then you have some younger men that like older women. >> You heard that here. >> what I mean? So, I don't think it's and you you said you said that most of the times when younger men like older women, it's really for sex. Now, I don't think that's always true. Think you may have a younger man that just likes an older woman because he likes an older woman. You see that sometimes as well. >> You know why the dynamic's always I've never met a guy Right. >> who's built himself up, Mhm. right? Who's literally looking to take care of a older woman. I I've never witnessed it. Well, why do you say take care of? You keep on using that word. >> you are expected to take care of a woman in some form of sort. If a woman tells me right now if she has a child and she tells me I don't need a man to take care of a kid or or be there for my kid as a uh fatherly figure or I don't need nobody to take care of her, I wouldn't even want to date her. Because again, how are we sharing everything and your child is not shared responsibilities when it comes to me, especially if we plan on being partners. So, automatically, I don't want to entertain a woman like that. Because again, if I have a child, I am expecting you to reciprocally take everything that comes with me. Right. Yeah, I agree with that. >> it's my family, and vice versa for me. I'm going to take on your family. I'm going to take on your child if I choose a woman with a child. Everything comes with it. So, when a woman I don't need no man to care of my child." I'm like, "You're already dating yourself out because the reality is there's some form or sort he's going to have to play a fatherly figure for your child because it's going to be damn near impossible to to for him to establish dominance in his home with a a young man that don't see him as a fatherly figure or have a level of respect for him. So, they me me and him cannot walk around without with our both our penises swinging. It can't fly. It's impossible. There has to be only one king in the house. And if I have a daughter, she can't walk around with her swinging thing and she's the queen of the house over your woman. Okay. >> So, if me and you dating, I have a daughter and my daughter shouldn't walk around the house thinking she's bigger than you because she's my daughter. Agreed. >> But you should establish that you're the queen of the house and I should also support that this is the queen of the house. Agreed. So, if a woman is not doing that with her child, you already have the wrong woman you're entertaining. Off the rip because it don't make sense. You telling me we we we partnering up. I have to establish myself in his house. And if you if I can't lead your son also, then I'm not the man of this house. That means your son is the man of the house. And the sad part is he living rent-free. Mhm. So, speaking on the topic highway mileage, do you think guys who date women with a lot of mileage or they attracted to them, do you think they're insecure men? What do you think, Shay? So, guys who date women with a lot of mileage are insecure men? I think that guys think with their little heads and not always their big heads. And I don't think guys really see I don't think most guys really care about that. They say they do, but I mean somebody said before that they wifed up a whole girl knowing that she slept with even some of their friends. So, did you care when you did that? I feel like some guys they don't care. They just And you said she was bad. So, the reason you wifed up was because she was bad knowing she had high mileage. So, that kind of speaks volume, right? You know, when you when you when you take a man like they just mentioned the you know, Jalen Green? No, who's that? Jalen Green plays in the NBA for the Houston No, Houston Rockets? No, no, no, no. Phoenix Suns. Okay. >> Yeah, he dated the girl Draya. When you look at Jalen Green, right? Jalen Green situation is an outlier situation. The problem when you talk to everyday people, they take the extreme and make it the normal. Okay. >> The extreme. Right? Jalen Green could have had a crush on Draya when he was a nobody. Draya has been in a limelight for a very long time. Draya Draya could have been his childhood crush forever in a day. And now that he has access to her, he's open. So, for instance, the every young man at one point might have had a teacher or some older woman that they had a crush on. Mhm. And if they get older and she's still heat, they may still have a crush on her. Unless she got the cankles and she's bigger now and washed. But more than likely they're going to still have a crush on that person from early days. So, say if I'm in six I'm I'm 16 years old. And let's say a woman is let's say 10 years 15 years my senior. 26 I'm 16. Now I'm 26 she's 36. Right. >> Now when I'm 36 she's 46. Or let's make it 20 20 years. So, let's say she's 56 I'm 36. When I was 16, remember she was 36. Mhm. At that time she was super in her prime. Right? And I might have had a crush on her. Now that I'm older, she may if she still look good, that childhood crush can transition to adulthood. There are a lot of people that slide in people DMs from high school or when they were younger that they would have never shot their shot at younger. But that proves the point that I'm saying Q that again not all not all older women but it's not for sex cuz they have a child. Now I know who you guys are talking about. They have a child together. So, it's that's not just for sex and she's an older woman. >> think personally he had a Draya has been lit for a long time. She was lit before he got lit. Yeah, but Draya's always been outside too. Like you know >> I'm just saying he could still a lot of From my experience and I hate to say this, I met a lot of NBA players, a lot of them are corny. Corny. A lot of professional athletes are corny. What I mean by this if they don't play basketball, they have no they they have no that you wouldn't even look at them if they were regular everyday people. They're just good at putting a ball in a hoop. Right? I'm not saying all of them, but from a lot of the ones I've met, they're corny in real life. Right? They just have a lot of economics. So you for instance, let's go back to high school. Everybody is not the the lit that's on the basketball team in high school. And a lot of them in the the ones that make it, they don't necessarily be lit guys. And a lot of them do play catch-up for the time that they didn't have the time. They play catch-up. Now they got the resources and they can be the person that they were before in their head. Right? For you to to for you to become a multi-millionaire like let's say Zion Williamson and bringing in these these kind of women, it is clearly something wrong with him. He's trying to live something that he didn't experience already. Or what if he just likes her? And what if he just I I don't >> fell in love with her. And what if that's I'm just trying to figure out why do you guys assume that just because he is who he is and she's older that it may not be that he genuinely has a connection with this woman and they It It could happen say but I'm just being honest with you an adult film It's not normal. I'm being honest. It could happen where you catch feelings for older person. It could happen. But what I'm just saying that I don't know a young guy who's worth 10 15 million dollars who's who say he's 25 and his problem is like I want a 50-year-old woman. Unless he has some sort of mommy issues or something. I have never in my life met a guy who is very wealthy and young and looking for older woman. I have never heard it before. But now let's make it normal. I have never met guys who are not not NBA earners, regular everyday earners, but regular not everyday day but it's only like 6% to 8% of black people who make $100,000 a year. Right. Right? People make it like it's so normal and it's very common, but it ain't, right? 94% of people don't make that kind of money. 92 to 94% of people don't make that kind of money. So, let's just say logic. Now, you have a high earner, which is a six-figure guy, right? >> Mhm. This guy gets lit. He builds himself up. Mhm. I've never heard a guy say, "Yo, I'm 30 years old. I came out of college. I got my degree. I'm in in a field, let's say he's in a tech world." He's in a tech world and he's built himself up. Let's just give him 35. Let's say 35 years old. He built himself up. He's getting great earning. I've never met a guy say, "Yo, I'm looking for a 50-year-old woman." I've never seen that. >> it's something that you say. I don't think, you know, consciously anyone says, "Hey, you know what? I want to date someone who is" It's like you see now, you know, that one girl, I don't know if you guys follow her on Instagram. I forget her name, but she's dating a guy who is >> 1%? >> a paraplegic. He's in a wheelchair. Of course, no one looks for that. I'm not saying it happens all the time. No. We laugh. We laugh, people, but just because it's not your reality doesn't mean it's not someone else's. I don't think you put that on your bucket list or you put that on your, you know, your life's goal, but people end up You You fall in love, you know? And you sometimes you can't help who you fall in love with. I mean, maybe it's the hopeless romantic in me. Maybe I just watch love stories all the time growing up and I love The Notebook and Pretty Woman and all of that, but I think sometimes those things could happen. I'm not saying it happens every day. I'm not saying it happens all the time, guys. I'm saying that >> you have black and white then you have gray, right? >> making it seem like he can't just love her and he's not my issue. >> I just said it's crazy. But [clears throat] that Y'all do that every time. Y'all tell when a man dates wants to date younger, y'all make it seem like we just want to control them. Not all the time. Not all the time. I was I was I was I was countering what you said. >> what I'm just saying about I'm not talking about you in general. I'm talking about you in general now. I'm saying when a woman hears that a man wants to date younger, automatically he wants to control her. Automatically. Mhm. It's the key you we can never receive that it's just his preference. It's always he wants control and and he's a narcissist [clears throat] and he he want to talk to her any type of way. I'm like, because that man that you don't even know that you're arguing about right now, that you don't know, is not the man you're arguing with. You're arguing because of the fact that you're out of your prime and now you're upset. In my opinion, and I know you guys are going to come for me in the comments, and that's fine. I think when a lot of men say their preference is older women, when specifically, Q, when you said they're more bendable, kind of like trainable. You didn't use the word trainable, I don't want to lie. You leadable. And I think a lot of times it comes from a space of saying they're just a little bit easier to manipulate. >> agree. what I think. >> That's the generalization. That's what I think. I didn't say all, so I'm not generalizing. I did I'm not generalizing. >> so much that means it's a very common thought. But it's like when you said do I think most women are gold diggers? You You want me to generalize No, I don't I don't want you to generalize. I'm just saying that most women are looking for men with economics. Would you agree? I think women are not looking for somebody that they have to provide for. So I think you want somebody >> You're talking semantics. You talking either way halfway. What do you mean? Yeah, if that's looking for economics, then fine. Who wants to look for someone that they're going to provide for, especially a woman? >> with an older woman who's traumatically experienced Hold on. That's traumatically experienced. Right? That's been through a lot. When I can go get a woman who's a lot younger, who's fertile, and I don't have to worry about dealing with the excess baggage that she already experienced. A lot of these younger women are broken, too, and they've been through a lot. Some of them have been ran through more than more than I agree. I I agree. I'm not going to argue that. That's a fact. You got a lot of these younger women that No, I said they've been more ran through than my grandmother. THAN YOUR GRANDMOTHER? >> [laughter] >> I WASN'T THINKING. I LOVE YOU, GRANDMA. My grandma watching, too, and my mom. Hey, Grandma. I'm just saying. [laughter] I'm just saying a lot of a lot of a lot of younger women have been through the They've been through it, too. They've been through it. Like, come on. I didn't say that to you. pursuing a woman, Q, do you think if a man finds out she has a lot of mileage, like does is it like distasteful or It's an instant turn off. And the reason why it's an instant turn off because I'm going to be honest with you. It's like like for instance, um, I don't mind driving a car that has mileage on it, right? But I would like to know that's why they do something called a Carfax. I would like to know where the car has been because of the fact that the reason why is because it's one thing to have highway mileage, it's another thing to have local mileage, right? There are people that put distance on every situation, meaning she slept with a guy for a couple years, broke up, then she messed with another guy a few years, broke up. Then there's somebody that's bang bang bang bang bang bang. It's like nah, I wouldn't do that. Because I'm going to be honest with you. I do believe that women are the gateway to sex. So if a woman is entertaining a man that's a bum, it says volumes about her. In the same way as when a man dates a woman that's a bum, he's a bum. In the same way a woman she sleeps with a bum, she's a bum. And if a man dates a bum, he's a bum. The same way. Same way. I don't know what place today cuz are we talking about age and are we talking about bums? >> No, you asked me a question. Did you hear the question he said? >> Going back to I feel like like I said a lot of these younger women, man, they they've been ran through. They have been ran and they look they look like they have been through the ringer. Watch this question. Someone said what if a man has a lot of mileage? I'm going to be fair and honest. Ladies, as long as a man is established, most of women are not going to care about his mileage. That's why it doesn't matter. I'm not judging, but I'm just saying most women will not care if he he has the bag, his life is together, they don't care. You think these NBA players and these professional artists and all of that, you think you're the one and only one he's sleeping with? Like come on. Like let's be fair. You really believe that they're you they're the only people you've been with? Right? But again, most women don't care about where a man's been because the logic is this. Here's the logic. Most women care about where a man's going with his life. Most men care about where a woman's been with his life or her life. And the reason why we care about that is because after we get her, we plan on leading. But men want to know consciously, what am I leading? And a woman, when she cares about where you're going with your life, it's because of the fact that she's like, "Wait, I want to make sure this guy's going to lead me somewhere." Right. So, she's not going to care that you slept with a thousand women, rather. She don't care, but a man cares because he wants to make sure he's not leading a hole. He don't want a woman that entertains the village. He don't want a woman that's been around the block. He Why? I worked this hard to build myself up to get a hole? He wants something that's considerably exclusive. Every man in their mind, they want to believe that their woman is an angel. Mhm. Every man wants to believe that. Any good man, they wants to believe that they they chose something good. Because if he's valuable, that means he's built himself up considerably to how the world view men. So, if she's entertains the whole village, she's not even worthy of a king. Mhm. I doubt it. It's just what it is. You know? What do you feel about that? I'm behaving myself today. I got to be I talk straight. No, I mean, I agree. Talk straight. >> I agree. I agree with that. I agree with that. >> straight question, do you if a man has a lot of mileage and he's dealt with a lot of women are as a woman personally, are you putting that to the side or like how do you feel about that? >> people ask that. I mean, I don't know about you guys. I don't I don't ask that I've never asked that question. I don't I don't know if that's wrong. I never said to a guy like, how many people are lying anyway. Like how many people are being honest with how many people they slept with. If you really like somebody You think most men will tell the truth? They don't. They don't. Are you sensitive? Are you sensitive? Like you could kind of tell a man has been >> have you slept with, Q? I'mma be honest with you, a lot. How many? What's a lot? I don't know. 20? 30? >> More. 40? A lot. 50? 60? >> I'm being fair to myself. >> most men will tell the most men will tell the truth. >> I just said it. I don't know the number. Mhm. I'mma be honest with you, if you ask most men that's been in in outside, they're going to be like, "Yo, they don't recall some of their sexual encounters." Mhm. Because a lot of the sexual encounters to a man is meaningless. Mhm. It's not meaningful. It's a moment thing. It's a rush. Especially until you learn how to control yourself. Right? A lot of times men we we think with the bottom head, not with our top head. So again, at that moment when I was younger, I was always the captain of the football team. I was always somebody in my neighborhood. I've always been somebody. So I had my first kid at 17. Right. So I'm just saying I was traveling at 16. But that's what I'm saying. I just don't think a lot of with a passport by myself at 16. I just don't think a lot of people ask that question and I think that sometimes that I guess that's questions we should ask, but somebody said it before that most people lie anyway. I don't think Yeah, I think most women are going to be dishonest and I think some men are. I don't think that a lot of men are going to just like when you said like I don't know. >> It's not going to change anything though. If she already made a reservation and if you if she sees that you have your stuff together and your life is together, it's not going to it's not a deal breaker if you tell her you've been intimate with that woman. What's the thing they say when a woman gives you her number? They say you're supposed I did hear you. They say you're supposed to multiply it by multiply it by two or three and if a woman if a man gives his number divided by two or three or something. So they say men always go higher than they actually do and women go lower than they do. Do you believe that? I agree. Okay. But I do believe that is if a man if a woman already likes the guy, it's not a deal breaker if you tell her you've been with like 50 50 girls. It's not a deal breaker. But for men I remember one time I'm going to give you a story. I was dealing with a girl and she had a friend and she was asking me for some advice. [clears throat] And I I already had preconceived notions that I said whatever she say, I'm going to say it's not a lot. Whatever number she say. So I'm sitting there she's telling me her story. She's telling me her story. Fast forward she goes, "Yeah, um I don't want to tell you the amount of men I've I've been with." I said, "Why?" She said, "Because you're going to judge me." I said, "I'm not going to judge you." And then she was like, "Okay, please don't judge I said I'm not going to judge you." At the time we had to be about like 25 and she said, "I'm going to tell you but But don't get don't judge me." I how I'm not. She said, "My half number is 50." God damn. You know what I said? >> years old? Her [clears throat] half number was 50. You know what I did? This is what I did. I'm going to be honest. This is what I did. >> wow. >> I said I said >> Remember I said I had preconceived notions? I said I'm going to say whatever number she say, I'm going to say that's not a lot. So, I said "Yo, you know what, Anna? God damn." >> GOD DAMN. >> [laughter] >> WHAT? YEAH, THAT'S CRAZY. And respectfully, she's a beautiful girl. But the issue is what we have to acknowledge is we always talk about the men that grow up without their fathers and how sassy they end up becoming, but we don't talk about the women who don't grow up with their fathers, how masculine they become, and how hypersexual they become, looking for love in all the wrong places. We don't ever talk about that. We always brush that under the rug. All these women walk around here acting like they got it together. 70% of black households come from single mothers. So, therefore, there are women that are sitting around broken as well as men. There are 70% of us don't have mothers and fathers in the same household. So, what is the repercussions of a woman growing up without her father? Very combative to men, argumentative as hell, unwilling to submit, always think that she can she can compete with a man, right? But a lot of them are very intimate because of the fact that why? Because they're looking for love? Because they don't know what love looks like. This is the These These are the repercussions also of a woman growing up without her father. So, at the same we can say what goes on with happen to men, what happens to a woman that grow up without her father? A lot of issues. I think it could go both ways, though. I think sometimes you have single parent households where all I mean, again, I can't say all. I cannot speak for everyone, but I don't think that it's it's always like that, where the woman is, you know, the girl grows up being combative and not being submissive and stuff like that. I think it's just all dependent. You know what I mean? Because I think you think you have some women that it's just in their nature. If you grow up with a mother that she's naturally a submissive person. Like I think my mom is naturally just very submissive. She's very lady-like. she is you know, very successful, well-rounded, but she is very submissive as well. And I did grow up and you know, my dad was in prison for a major part of my life and it was my mom raising myself and my two brothers, but I don't think that she ever taught me. She taught me to be strong, but she never taught me to be like, oh, I don't need a man, argue with a man, go back and forth with a man, you know, I saw her on two sides. She you know, she was Just my opinion, you know. Well, you you you know, you know the one thing the one thing I see now is um we we we need to learn how to like really understand the dynamics. See, like when we have these conversations, I read a comment a minute ago, somebody said, um this is the same guy that said he had a a woman that's 40 years old. I'm 40 years old. When I speak in general, it's not me talking about my personal life. Mhm. I'm comfortable enough to have a general conversation and not personalize my personal life. Because if I sat here and talked about my personal life, then every man is successful. Mhm. If if I talk about my personal life, every man is successful. But in reality, I know that most men aren't. Mhm. So, reality is I can't generalize me or make me the standard when I know for a fact most men aren't like me. And I'm not saying it with an arrogance, I'm saying it with a fact. I think when you say most is that's a big number. If you can say a lot of men, I always say again, when you ask me the question of are most women like this, I hate to answer that and it's not me making me the standard or I just don't want to generalize and say that because I don't think that most women when you say with the gold digger thing, I look around my surroundings, right? I look at your girl, that's my girl. I see this independent woman. I think that with or without you, she'll be okay. I look at my mom, with or without my stepdad, she'll be okay. I look at my friends, I don't have not one friend where the man is a provider. It's whether and for those who are single or married, they're in a household and they both play their their part. So, for me to to honestly sit up here and say, "Yeah, I think most women are gold diggers." I'd be lying. So, I don't want to make that statement. >> a question? Do you think that

Average men have average lives? Do I think average men have average lives? Okay, yes. I don't. I'm trying to see where you're going with this.

Is average women believe that they deserve a better than average life? That's the problem. Average men accept the fact that they can get an average woman. Average women believe that they deserve a better than average situation.

Mhm. They overly watch social media and they compare themselves. The thing about social media and I think that the problem is, Mhm. an emotional person having access to too many people's opinions affects them. They start comparing themselves to what's not going on in their life.

Right. A lot [snorts] of men that I talk to that's having problems in their relationships is because their girl is overly watching someone else's lens too much. They [snorts] sit there and, "Oh, such and such is on vacation." And such and because I feel like most women are in competition with each other. And I think that your Birkin bag, your Louis Vuitton, I don't care if you got a Pathmark bag if you cute. I don't care.

Mhm. But again, your 50 to 100, 15, 2,000, 20,000 dollar bag is for other women. It's not for me. Mhm. It's not for a man because I have never in my life heard a man say, "Yo, I got a bag 'cause she got a Birkin bag." I ain't never heard that in my life.

I agree. I ain't never heard a man say, "Yo, you see her red bottoms?"

I agree. "Ooh, she heat." I ain't never heard that in my life.

I agree. Right? But again, when you sit down and have these logic, I say, "Why do you want those red bottoms?" Because you want to compare and contrast to what's going on, uh, selectively in society, what you want to see. Visually, you want to fit the aesthetics of the wealthy. Visually, you want to fit the aesthetics of the woman that look like she being kept. Visually, you want to look like you travel out having fun rather than enjoying what's in your household. Most people can't enjoy their household because they're too busy watching other people's houses. That's the problem with social media. It gives, uh, uh, uncomfortable people too much access to people. Too much. You're not secure with yourself and you, and you watching everybody. And that's a problem within itself.

T, before we came on, and I said, I feel like a lot of men, right? I said to you, present themselves to be like they have it like that, and that's why a lot of women feel like they deserve more than they deserve, right? I feel like you have a lot of men out here that is like, "I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. I'll pay for this. I'll pay for that." And then they set that standard. I'm not saying it's right, guys. They set that standard for other men. So you have these women feeling like, "Well, if he did this, if Tyler did this, I'm not dating Q if he's not even doing that bare minimum." And then they feel like every man should do that. You know what I'm saying? Then you have a bum baby father. You have a whole bum baby father and now you create these diabolical standards. When you was giving your most intimate parts to a loser. And that don't make sense. It don't add up.

Who is the last decision maker when it comes to having a child? A man or a woman? A woman, for sure.

Okay, so you chose to have a baby with Tyrone the bum, right? And now when you go back in the dating world, you, you expect the highest valued man that on the dating world to see you as super valuable when you saw yourself being intimate with a whole loser, going all the way to the extreme to have a kid with him. And then you expect him to see you as valuable. I will never tell my daughters these kind of lies. I would never tell them these lies. I'm going to tell them be conscious because once you start getting pregnant, when you start having sex, be mindful your market, your your value gets the, the, the, um, touched. And don't think because you, you cute, it doesn't last forever. Reality is a man wants to make sure that something is representing him right. I want to go into a room and then when I leave, you know what I want the people to say in the room to me? I want the people to say this, right? "Yo, you know something crazy? Soon as I dip off, his woman makes me look good." Yo, yo, his woman makes him look good. That's the conversations men have when you walk away. You know what we do when you, when your girl walk away? "Yo, he got a whole airhead." "Oh, his girl is mad controlling." We talk as soon as you leave amongst men. Reality is a man is a true reflection of who he chooses as a partner. The woman he brings along says volumes about him as a person. And the man you sleep with says a lot about you, hands down. Hands down. If we don't want to agree with it, that mean we living in delusion. This society is, is, this is the standards. It's not my standards, it's the rules that I've learned to just say, "It is what it is." I don't fight what society says. Right? If I choose to go against it, that's on me, but most people won't.

Go ahead, Tyler. Um, and back to what you're saying, though, I agree with you. Yes, most men are posing and they're putting up as like, you know, they're looking more rich than what they are, but we really have no choice to these days. If every single standard on social media and every woman is like, "You got to have this, you got to have that, you got to have that," I have to pull up to you with something. Maybe it's not a flashy car.

I pull up broke. Or, or I pull up like I ain't got nothing.

But I disagree. I think for a female to think like that, there was a man who made her feel like that. And I'm not saying it's right. But social, whatever it is, it's a man who did it on social media where she posted it. And where another woman, where another woman. It's not just perception. I'm saying to you again, guys, I'm not saying it's right. I'm saying that for a woman to feel like that. I, I told you guys a couple, like three, four episodes ago when someone on here told me that I was lying. I don't know why. Why would I want to lie? I have. I had a friend who she went on a date. She met a guy at a club. They lost touch for like a month or two. He hit her back up. "Hey, what's up?" They met up for a date. He took her to the Salt God restaurant in the city. He spent over a thousand dollars on their very first date, very first meal. She didn't know. She didn't know where he planned the date. The second date, he took her to shopping. He took her to get her a brand new Chanel bag and a Lady Dior bag. He spent fifteen thousand dollars on her for their second date. This is the third time that this man was seeing her. He did that. She took that and started saying, "If I could get that, I'm not dating this."

So, he created a gold digger.

But, what I'm saying is you have a lot of men that do that also. It's not just women out here searching for gold. You have men out here that may present themselves like, "This is who I am. This is what I do." And then you got women who feel like, "Okay, well, if I could get him, why wouldn't they too?"

But, you know the guys that do that?

So, it goes both ways.

They lame. Any man to me, any man that leads with his resources is lame. But, a lot of women do that, Q, and you know that.

So, you know that any man that leads with their resources is lame. Shay, you know me personally, right? Right? Do you know me or not personally? Do I lead with my resources? I act like I ain't got nothing. Don't make yourself the standard.

I don't. But, I'm just saying I'm just telling you something. When a man leads with his resources, it says a whole level of insecurity. It's the same way a woman leading with her body. Right. That means she's a bozo. All you leading is with your vagina and your body. Not your brain and who you are as a person. That means she's a bozo, too. But, don't you feel like most men do that? Because you said that's just what it is. I think most men will lead with their finances.

They scared that they're not going to be able to receive the woman that they're interested in. But again, when you are who you are and don't pretend to be who you aren't, you're more inclined to get something that's really for you. But, if you keep putting, presenting something that you really aren't or you don't plan on maintaining, I don't blame a woman that expects to go out to eat on a regular when you started doing all of these things. I don't blame her. I blame the man for presenting a lifestyle that he couldn't keep up. I blame him. Because me, I'm comfortable saying, "Yo, let's go for a coffee date." Right. But, I think that's what we should normalize. I think that we spoke about this before. We should normalize first dates not being this extravagant, over the top.

Stop saying y'all. Stop saying y'all.

This whole list.

I think that I think that I think that I think that.

I think. No, but whoever is doing that is crazy. I think that girls go for it and eat it up. Okay, but I'm saying to you, let's change that. I think that it's too normalized where it's like when you go on a first date, you need to be spending five, six, seven, eight hundred dollars. I don't think that's a thing. What's wrong with you getting to know somebody over coffee? What's wrong with you getting to know somebody over, I don't know, let's go for a walk, let's go watch a movie. Like that was back in my day. Like, I agree. We were going on the first date like Red Lobster was crazy. Like, "Oh, you going to Red Lobster?" That's wild. Now it's like, I'm scared of society. You can't do that anymore. Like you. No, but you know what? I'm scared though. I'm scared that these girls. A man is judged by what he has, right? Would you agree? Yes. Okay. So, Tyler, if a man is judged by what he don't have, let me get that. When a man is judged by what he don't have, right? He's judged. I'mma read this. Going to this.

The places you cannot go.

Yes. Here's a list of places women absolutely refuse to go on a first date. Women. On the first date, too. And thank you to the ladies who reached out to me to help me on my list.

Care about that, girl. She's I mean. Can I? Can I read what I'm reading?

To hear about the places.

You're interrupting me as I'm speaking. Damn, damn. I'm on the same page.

[laughter]

Sorry, guys. She's Cheesecake Factory. I love Cheesecake Factory. Applebee's. I worked there. Don't play Applebee's. The two for twenty is lit.

So, we got Cheesecake Factory.

Cheesecake Factory. Applebee's.

Applebee's. Chili's.

Chili's. Chipotle.

Chipotle. Olive Garden.

Olive Garden. The movies.

The movies. Your house, that's a no. We're not going to your crib on the first date, no. No. Any fast food chain. I mean, that's a little tacky. Like, are you going to McDonald's on the first date? Come on. Keep going. Keep going. No. Buffalo Wild Wings. Buffalo Wild Wings. Wingstop. Red Lobster. A buffet. IHOP. Denny's. The gym. Church. Starbucks. Coffee dates. Ice cream dates. Family functions. Family functions on a first date is wild 'cause you kind of. It's a little crazy introducing me to your whole family on the first date. That's a bit crazy. Movie night. I'm with that. Uh, somewhere that requires a long drive. That could be a little question. How, where we going? First date, long drive. Like, where we going, bro? Like, you taking me to Florida? To the first date is wild. Bowling. Nightclubs. Hookah bar. I mean, what if she don't smoke? Hookah bar. Like, I got asthma. Don't take me to a hookah bar. A bar for just drinks. Waffle House. Sports events. I think I don't know. I think most of this list would be good. No, I think. No, but you know the issue with that list is and the truth of the matter, that issue with that list is now when a man makes an investment, a lot of times they expect a return or ROI on their investment, return on their investment. So, you have a man who's going to spend $500 going out with you. Chances are he's going to expect what's between them legs, right? Because you just presented yourself as a whole prostitute. So, therefore, he sees you as a prostitute because of how you presented the, the, the situation. He, you believe that you, you, you deserve a high-end restaurant. He believes he deserves SOME HIGH-END VAGINA.

DAMN. AGREED. I agreed. You should. I'm not disagreeing with you on that. Like, I could agree that that's true. But I think that the men who are actually doing this, when a woman says to you, "Oh, I want to go here." You should say no. And if she's telling you that she don't want to bang with you because you're not taking her there, and that's not the woman for you. Like, if you're telling somebody, "Take me to the Cheesecake Factory." I, I think the Cheesecake Factory for a first date.

They ask for these different.

First of all, I'm not somebody. Someone said it in the comment and said, "Yo, let's do a picnic." That's good for me. A first date. I like a man that could actually think. Use your brain. Like, if you want to do something thoughtful and you want to plan it out and you say, "Listen, I want to do a cute little picnic in the park, get to know you a little bit." I'm cool with that. I, I, I date different. So, let's say, let's say hypothetically I met you, we exchange contacts. Saturday night, first, I'mma say, "Yo, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you do on Saturday night?" "Oh, I don't have plans." "Saturday night, I plan on being at that and such. I, it, it, nice if you can come keep me company." That's how I do it. I lead you off the rip. But if she's not willing to follow, she is not leadable. Off the rip, you come in and talking about some, "You got to take me." That ain't a leadable woman. Once she starts talking like that, I am 150,000% not interested.

But I think with the, to the list, let's say you say, "Hey, I'm at my family thing." That might. I just gave y'all game. I hope y'all heard that.

That might be a little bit. You know, that might be a little bit. If you say to me, "Listen, I'm at my sister's birthday." But something, maybe, I don't know if I want to come to your sister's birthday party or mother. Like. But if it's something where you're like, "Listen, I'm at." Let's say hypothetically, I already looked for the restaurant I want to go to. I'm going to be at the bar at, let's just say Peter Luger's. Shay, what are you doing Saturday night? "Oh, I have no plans." "Saturday night, between the hours of 7:00 and 8:00, I plan on being at Peter Luger's. It'd be nice if you can come keep me company."

Peter Luger's is expensive though. You are, you are already giving her high standards. YOU. Well, I'll give you. I'll give you one. I'll give you a better one. I'll be like, "Yo, look, there's a such and such a bar." Let's say the bar is called whatever. Right? I'm going to be at the bar called such and such. It'd be nice if we can go have some drinks and get to know each other." All of that, "Where do you want to go?" We ain't doing that because for one, you're showing that she's leading you. Women don't lead me. I lead a woman. So therefore, off the rip, if she's showing me that she's not leadable and she's giving back, she's pulling back, she's not leadable as it is. You're wasting your time with her because you're going to be fighting for establishing your leadership with off the rip. A woman that genuinely likes you, don't give a damn where you're taking her. She don't give a damn. She just want to be with you. So if a woman is not willing to do that, she really don't like you. My girl, we went to go get drinks and have a conversation.

Yeah, but that's a nice first date. What's wrong with that?

Because again, you know what I told her? "What are you doing Saturday night?" "I'm not doing anything." "Yo, I'd like to meet you at a bar. You know, let's get out and let's have some drinks. I want to get to know you." It's, it's about spending money. It's about getting to know you.

I agree. So, so you're telling me the, the dinner, the date is better based on how much money I spend? That's kind of crazy. Yeah. So, so speaking on based on how much money you spend as a man, so if you know most men, we, they're spending a lot of money 'cause they want to smash. What is logically what is going through? Like, what is going through y'all brains when you're taking a date, you're going to the Pierre Luger's, you're getting a Chanel bag? Like, what are you going to?

I answer that? Are you going to let him smash like that?

El Boogie said, "Why don't men try to lead someone?" When you get a real man, El Boogie, that means you mess with boys. Respectfully, a real man is always going to lead. And the reason why the man that's not trying to lead you because they're not men. Real men will always establish leadership. And the reason why is because he's supposed to bring protection, security, and also provision. So if a man is not leading with those three things, therefore that man is not a man. So that means if you have entertained those guys, then you should be looking at the guys you're getting in the bed with. Sometimes there are men that get in bed with little people, and there are girls that get in bed with little boys.

Yeah, I feel like when you, when you say the phrase like, "Yo, if I tell her to come here and she can't come, that means she's not leadable, so I'm not with it." I feel like we should be able to have a conversation of, "Hey."

Now you know me, G. What are we doing?

If I said that to a woman, you think she's going to come? I'm asking you honestly.

Of yourself.

No, I'm so full of truth. You're so full of yourself. No, I'm telling you the truth. Answer the question though.

Full of yourself.

Yo, okay. So do you agree with the? Agree? No, that's not what I said. You got a degree? Yes, I do.

What you got your degree in?

In early childhood development.

Was here having a conversation about children, you say, "I have a degree in early child." That's not you trying to belittle them. That's a fact. Yeah, what does one have to do with the next? You're just saying.

The point is when you speak truth, it doesn't matter how it's said. The truth is the truth. I know for a fact if I'm going after a woman, I'm going to go after a woman that's leadable. Secondly, I'm going to make sure that I establish dominance off the rip. What I mean by dominance is, yo, I want to see if she's leadable. Is she able to submit? Most women that can't submit, make up they never submitted to a father. So, sometimes you might be fighting against a woman who's fighting against her father because he was never there.

Damn. Listen. What?

I'm going to break something down to you, Shay. You got a little girl, right? If she doesn't have a dad, right? And look at me when you, when I'm, when I'm having this conversation with.

Don't talk to me like that. You don't. Respectfully. Say please. I'm not saying none of that. Okay, so what? Look, look. 'Cause you always over there. That's why I'm saying that. That's why I'm saying that, guys.

To you. I'm listening to you.

So, look. You got a little girl, right?

Okay. This little girl, when she doesn't have a man.

Mhm.

That teaches her how to take constructive criticism. Okay. She rebels against it. Every person I know that works at a group home or any kind of child facility, you know what the boys do? They rebel against who? Who you think the most? The masculine figure. Mhm. The reason why the boys rebel against the masculine figure because they never been a stat- dominance has never been established over them. So, that 14-year-old boy thinks he's a man because a masculine energy never put him in his place. When you meet a 14-year-old boy that got a masculine energy, guess what he acts like? A 14-year-old boy. You understand? When you see these girls that's wild and reckless, a lot of time the masculine energy didn't put her in her place. So, guess what she walks around think-.

Yes, putting your place is a good thing. Yes.

Like the words that you use. I don't like the words. I don't like the word, "She's not leadable." "Put in your place." "You know, um, establish my dom-" I don't like the words you use.

Of people that's going to be single. It's not about being single, Q. It's like, you sound arrogant.

No, you sound like you sound like you honest. You sound like. If you were a supervisor, if you were a supervisor at a job, say, I would hope you establish your dominance. Assert yourself and make sure that your staff respects that you're the dominant figure. Q, comparing two unlike things.

Leadership is leadership, Shay.

No. Yes, leadership is leadership, but you're talking about two things that are unsimilar. Saying that you're a supervisor at a job when your job is to oversee a staff is something different from you saying, "No, we're not talking about that." We're. We're going back to you saying on a date, "If she's not this and I'm, if I tell her I'm here and she doesn't show up, then that means she's not leadable." I'm just saying to you that that's not.

Guys, that's on my life, please don't date girls that don't think like this. Okay. If she can't understand it, it's because again, she was never taught it. She was never taught it.

Okay.

A real man understands that you establish your dominance. If you expect me to be willing to to give my life for you, I have to have control over the situation. Mhm. If you out with a girl that's acting a fool, we outside. Let's just say magically. Let's put a situation together. Tyler, you and your girl outside. She sees that it's 10 guys, and it's just you. And she's screaming at the top of her lungs. And you telling her to chill, and she don't listen to you. You do not control that situation. She controls you.

She has no respect.

But that's. My girl would never do nothing for me. No, it's not. What I'm saying is if you cannot establish dominance, that means you cannot stop the world. Yo, you can't tell, yo, chill. Calm down. What are you doing? You don't like the word dominance. That's. Dominance is a, in a word of I'm. It has to be leadership. [snorts] Someone has to be the dominant player. Someone has to be. Now listen, do I, do I belittle my woman? Do I make her feel like she's beneath me? No. I'm asking. Yes or no?

No, not that I've seen.

Okay. Nothing. But again, I. It's not about making you feel little. It's knowing that someone has to be the main player. Someone has to be. There is not two. There's not two steering wheels in the car. You know that there's not two steering wheels in the car. This was one point we were talking about was the. Yes, there's not two steering. I'm listening to you. I'm listening to you. There's not two steering wheels in the car. We're going back to when you said a first date. I'm still on that. When you said, "Listen, if I say to her, I'm here. Show up here." and she doesn't show up, it's a wrap.

What I said. That is. That's what you said.

Kinsey, is that what I said? Please say. Please take the mic. No, let him let him say it. Are we going to say that's what we said? You said. Give me the mic. Give me the mic, Tyler. What did I just say, bro? Please, what did I just say? You said what you said, but if she, if she replies saying, "I'm not going to do all that."

I pass on. That's when you pass on. That's what you said.

That's what I said.

You said, "I'mma be here, and if you would like to come." If she really likes me, she will show up.

She would show up, not come here now.

I never said that.

Okay, so if I don't come to where you say that, then it's a wrap from the first date. What if, what if it's like I said, it's something where I'm like, "What can we do something else? Maybe we could do coffee or something different over." What I'm not saying, "Oh, I'm just not coming." When you say.

Interested, she going to make her way. Mhm. Okay. I met women. I met women right now that will leave their friends to come come get next to any man they want to get next to. If your woman is, is, is making her friends her top priority over you, that ain't your woman. That's your friend's woman. Mhm. You got to hit that. But hold on. If your woman is choosing her friends over you, then her friends is her priority and not you, buddy. 'Cause my woman will never do that over me. Never. I don't know where that came from, but okay. No, what I'm explaining to you is if I sit there and say, "Yo, Shay, we just met." Mhm. "We exchanged contacts." Mhm. "You already put in your mind what you see me as." Mhm. "And vice versa for me." Mhm. Right? Right. The only thing that can change how I'm viewing you at this moment. Mhm. Is when we get on the phone, how you start talking. Right.

Or how she smell when we have sex. Ooh. Look, they, they saying that it's too aggressive and it's controlling.

Agreed. Because they don't have fathers. Come on, Q. Stop saying that. Stop say. I hate when I hate when someone disagrees with you and you assume it's because they don't have a father. They have a brain. People have their own way of thinking.

Let's, let's, let's date back. Right? Every healthy relationship you seen back when you was a kid, right? Would you say the man was dominant? Yes or no?

I don't like that word.

Come on. I'm out of this conversation.

Like that word.

Let's move on. I'm out of this conversation. I don't like that word. I don't like that word. But again.

Like that word.

You got to be mindful. Like that's why I don't go with the comments. That's why I don't like doing this all the time 'cause the comments become herd mentality. Because again, I don't even read them because the reason why I don't read them is because again, you can have a woman that's sitting at home single as hell who's fighting the fact that she wants a dominant figure but can't accept dominance. Someone has to be the dominant in the house. If a woman say, "We're, we're equal." No, we're not. BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT EQUALLY TRYING TO PASS AWAY WITH ME IF SOMEBODY COME BREAKING THE HOUSE. You're not equally trying to pay these bills with me. You're not equally trying to lead. YOU'RE NOT EQUALLY TRYING TO DO ANYTHING OTHER THAN BE A CUTE. SO, guess what? I take that role. And you expect me to pay the bills, I'm going to do it. I'm going to keep us in a great position. I'mma put us in a great position. And I'mma, I'mma make sure that I'm sacrificing me. My woman can never outwork me. If somebody got to do overtime, it's going to be me way, way faster than my girl. That's what a man does. But again, the women that can't accept these kind of men is because they never had real men. There was never a real man in their life. Real men do not compromise for what we think. WE DON'T BEND. WE SAY THIS is what we say and this is what it is. And if a person don't like it, we, we're willing to leave it alone. A man is not going to. A real man is not going to bend for you. He will compromise for you. Big difference. But again, we Y'all want certain guys, you're not going to get these certain guys if you don't understand what I'm saying is facts. You're not going to get them. And you go look at these girls that's giving you advice, go look at their list of men. Bum after bum after bum after bum. I'm telling you. THE KIND OF GUYS that they say they want, they don't understand that we come with certain expectations. The same way you come with certain expectations. Our expectations, I want a woman that's submissive. Submission only means the willingness to allow to lead. You're allowing me to lead. You believing that I'm taking us somewhere. That's what I'm saying. Some of y'all are not going to allow you to lead 'cause some of y'all men don't know where y'all going. But those are the guys that the women. We. That's not me. We're going to a destination. But again, if a woman is off the rip fighting it, it's because she never seen real men. Mhm. She know IT. SHE PROBABLY DATED SAS. MHM. REAL MEN DON'T CARE. YO, I'm not going to lie, respectfully, and this is being fair. If a woman tells me, "I'm breaking up with you." Yo, that's on you. A woman could never make me mad talking about some, "Oh, you want to play with me? I'll go outside and chill." I'mma break it up and then call it a day. Give her a high five while she walking out the door. Mhm. And still love her. But I love me more. To the point where I'm not going to ever make myself look like a clown for for for a woman who wants to be outside in the streets. Mhm. Never. I think that's foolish. That's foolish. You willing to compromise yourself as a man because of how she. Oh, if you quit on me, I'mma go outside and chill. You know what? Go do you. Go do you. Because clearly you. I'm you're not the woman I thought you was. But do you think that sometimes a woman, we compromise our value and our worth for men who go outside and do the same thing?

Goes up when you get a good man.

Talking about. You so you know that? Your value go up when you get a good man. And your value doesn't change if you get a good woman. But the expectations of what a man is expected to do to be considerably a good man, and what the expectations of a woman is to to do to be considerably a good woman is nowhere near equal. A good man is a provider, would you agree? Yes or no, guys? A good man is a protector, right? A good man that keeps security and keeps our situation stable, right? He is the first in defense of anything to happen, right? And if a man is not like that and running from the battlefield, he is not a man. So reality says this to me. As the man that's doing these things, therefore I have to have extreme submission because I can't lead something that's not submittable. I can't lead what's not leadable, either. It's impossible, and I will not fight for leadership when you don't want someone to lead you. Because if I got to prove my masculinity to you, then I'm dating the wrong woman. Because a woman sees what she sees. She knows what she sees.

This is all your opinion, and it's just for you, so I guess that. To each his own, you know? To each. I could never date someone that's so crazy.

You want a, you want a strong man.

It's not a bit of arrogance and a little bit too much of aggression for me. That's your logic and that's fine. Like, I, it's okay. I don't care about the comments and I don't really. No, it's not about a strong. A man could be strong. No, no, no, no. Please, a man could be strong, but he doesn't have to be arrogant. I don't like arrogance. I don't like arrogance. It's not truth. And when you say dominant, yes, a woman wants a man who's going to lead, who's going to be a good leader, but I feel like when you're leading with that kind of, and if she's not this, and if she's not that, and if she's not that, I like that. I don't like that. Let me tell you something. So hold on, watch this. The man is supposed to be the GM. The GM is who creates the whole situation, right? So now he's the, he's supposed to be the quarterback, right? If the man doesn't think like that, then this guy is a waste of life because he doesn't understand you're going to be judged by what you haven't built. So therefore, if your situation is trash, it's because you think trash and you worthy of trash. But if I get a woman, a woman is supposed to be my helpmate by biblical terms, my helpmate. So therefore, she be simply helping me get to where we're going to. So if you chose a woman that ain't helping you, you a fool. But Q, helping. Helping to me, our job in the household, your man does his part, right? Because you've said this before, in a two-family household nowadays, we both got to contribute to building more than I like, okay? A woman is doing her part. There's an expectation of a woman and there's an expectation of a man. There's an expectation of a woman and expectation of a man. Do I think that men are supposed to be leaders? Yes. Do I feel like it's a natural for a woman to kind of, I don't want to say follow, ladies like, "Oh, we're following him," but you know, just, you're supposed to be a leader. But I'm saying, what? The way you came off with such arrogance. No, I think that's how you perceive it. I'mma keep it 100 with you. YOUR.

Yo, confident man, overly confident people, they disturb people's insecurities. I'm being honest with you.

I'm not insecure. I'm not saying you. I'm just speaking in general. I'm not insecure.

Just stay with me. That's what you say, right?

I'm not.

That's what you say. I'm not.

And I'm giving you the. Listen, giving you guys. That's what you say. What I'm saying again, when when a person is extremely confident and they know themself, they're going to get labeled as everything other than what they are because people haven't reached that level of confidence. In order for a man to be a great leader, he has to have a level of confidence like this level. He has to be. He can't be second-guessing himself. He got to be sure of himself and know who he is. When a man doesn't know who he is, he questions who he is and he's still looking for people to make him feel of who he is. With or without a woman, I am who I am. I'm him. And a man should think like that. When a man don't think like he's not good to lead nobody.

Don't think some men know who they are and are sure of who they are, but don't have to come off the way you're coming off right now.

They don't talk to you the way they talk to me. They don't talk to you the way they talk to me. That's the difference. Men are not like me. I'm very vocal. I tell the truth. But again, I talk to 80 times more men than you could ever talk and I'm going to be 100% honest with you. Okay.

Uh-huh. I tell the truth. Now, you're saying that guy you talk to more women than me. Okay. And I'm not going to rebel against that. I'm not going to fight it. It's a fact. So, the fact of the matter is that I talk to men and they're [clears throat] telling. The men that are really who they say they are, they think like me. I promise you they think like me. They're not going for it. You think a man that's super established going to date a woman that's cheating on him? It takes a whole bozo to do something like that. Where did that come from? No, what I'm getting at is weak men accept weak behavior. For instance, imagine a man that's super established. You're going to have a woman walking in the house cursing him out and telling him about himself all the time. Yeah, all right. Yeah, he going to be like, "Come on. Come on. Come on." So, I, I think I think society has gotten so watered down that masculinity.

Yes.

Men. Anytime a woman or a person sees a confident man, they think it's arrogance. They think it's cocky.

Yes. Why do you think masculinity?

Why do you think that masculinity has been taken away from men? Why do you think so?

Because they want to feminize men. They want to feminize men because they want.

The women again?

Listen, listen, because they don't want strong, confident men because you got. You don't think women want strong, confident men?

Clearly they don't. Strong, confident men leading, talking like that, and it's a problem.

Yes, it is. You want to. Hey, Shay, you, you want to go to go to eat? Like, come on. I like you. No.

They don't get mad when you don't have a leader. He's not leading. He's not doing this. You know why men like that? You know why the men that got their life together act like that and why they talk like that? Because they, one, they know they have options. And we being fair and honest. And the fact that they have options, if this woman is not making me an option, then why am I making her an option? Because of the fact that what she has a vagina? That's [ __ ] I'm going to look for a woman that is clearly willing to follow my lead and see where we going with this. If a woman is willing to say, "Yo, I'm like, what are you doing Saturday night?" "I don't have any plans." "Yo, I would like you to meet me at such and such." And she doesn't want that, I'm good. I'm good. I don't think that men have to talk a certain way to be masculine. Act a certain way. I think that you have some men that their presence, just their aura, just how they are, just screams masculinity. I don't think every masculine man has to have an arrogant undertone, and that's just the way I am. My dad was extremely masculine. My dad was a provider. My dad was all of those things, and he just wasn't a yeller. He was, he just had a ways about him that was just respectable, and that's what it was. That's what I'm just saying. My girl makes over a hundred some thousand a year. I make more than her, and we don't fight and argue. We never had a fight about money. We never disrespected each other about finances ever. Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. And I can make a company right now. Ever. No, let me finish. Let me finish my point. What I'm getting at is my girl accepts the fact that she's a feminine strong woman. Mhm. A masculine man is not looking for a masculine female. And a woman, and again, in order to be a protector, I hope you have a level of confidence that stands out. Aggression doesn't always necessarily mean arrogance. It means confidence. If I walk into a sports arena and say, "I'm the best player on the damn team." You know, you know what I mean? Like Kobe and Jordan are two different things. They're not the same. Yeah, but you aggression and confidence don't go together. You can't be aggressive and say, "Oh, that's confidence." Wow. She knows what it takes to be a man. She knows what it takes to be a man. I'm not. Hugh, it's not about being a man. You just said to me aggression and confidence are the same thing. They're not. You're being extremely aggressive. No, I don't agree with you. I don't think that that is the way to exude your dominance. I don't think you need to be that aggressive to know. You know, you know the best, the best way to raise a young man? The best way is to pour surely into his confidence. Because if you want this man to be a great leader, you have to make sure that he knows he's a leader. And you have to make sure he knows that a woman is supposed to compliment him, and he doesn't need a woman. But she's supposed to compliment him. The men [clears throat] that feel like they need women, they become emotionally leeching and they're very weak. Weak. Weak. Because they feel like they need a woman, and women take advantage of those guys. You supposed to look at a woman like, "Yo, I, I WANT YOU. I DON'T NEED YOU. I want you. I want you." Women like to be wanted. Men don't. A woman, a woman don't like women that that want her. I mean, that need her. Women don't like that. They never respect men that need them. Ever. So as a man, you shouldn't need a woman. You should want her. I want you. I choose you. So if a man doesn't think like that, he is not a man. He should know with or without his woman, he is him, and the woman is supposed to compliment him. And again, if he's overly emotionally, he needs her, you have a problem within yourself. It's bad. And believe me, I've been there before when I was younger. Men, when anytime you got in an argument with another man, it's, "You ain't got no woman. You ain't got this. I get more women than you." So that put in your mind like, "Damn, if I don't have a woman, I'm nothing." You said when men get into argument with other men?

As kids, when we got in arguments with other. They would tell us, "Yo, I get more women than you." So when you grow up, you literally think like, "Yo, if I don't got nothing attached to me, I'm nothing. I'm nothing of myself."

So, can I ask you a question? Do you think every man is made to be a husband?

I think if we're following the Bible, yeah. It's supposed to be so. They're supposed to be husbands and women are supposed to be wives, but I don't think we. Go back to. I want to cry again, y'all. Y'all know last week you had me on here crying with the whiskey.

A lot of people said no.

Okay, I'll take that back. No, I think that's sometimes, but it goes back to what I said to you.

To finish my point. Okay, I'm sorry. You asked me a question, but go ahead. Go ahead.

Do you think every man is made to be a husband?

No. Do you think every woman is made to be a wife? No. See, the issue is when we looking at comments, you could be looking at a woman that's not made to be a wife, and you could be getting comments from a man that's not made to be a husband. Stay with me while I'm saying that. Okay. When you understand what it takes to be a man and the expectations of what it takes to be a man, me and you will have a different conversation. I'm going to tell you something, though. And and this is a statistical fact, right? You know there's two women together is considerably what? That's that's the lesbians, right? You know they lead in divorce and separation? Okay. Why is that? I don't know. I could never be with a woman. I don't know. But what, what I'm. That ain't my thing.

But what, what I'm, what I'm just getting at is you would think two women coming together, they should understand each other and have the most healthiest marriage. They have a high 70s percentage of divorce. 70-something percent of divorce. Okay. 70-something.

percent, Shay. That's a lot. That means like 23 to 24% of two female marriages have a success rate. Mhm. And you, and anyone that's on this live, they can go Google it right now. Go Google it. Go Google it.

So, what I'm getting at is if the success rate is that low, that means clearly a problem. >> [snorts] >> Mhm. And in order for you to establish the respect of a woman, you got to respect yourself first. Right. You got to respect. No woman respects no man that don't respect himself. I'm sorry. It ain't happening to no real woman. She going to always challenge you and bad. I don't go through that. And my woman, I don't have to yell and scream at her. I don't do that. My blood pressure is not high. My blood pressure is high on responsibilities. My blood pressure is not high on my household. My house is the safest space that I have. As it should be. But a lot of men don't have that at all. Yeah, read that. Say. Now give it to her. You got to say. Read that. Lord, within the LGBTQ RCVWXYZ community, research across several countries including the US, UK, Nordic countries consistently shows that lesbian female same-sex couples have the highest divorce rate, while gay male couples have the lowest. Also, men and men should be together? That's what I'm saying. >> saying is, and and it, see, that's that's an extreme weirdo, but that was weird. You know what I'm saying? That was super weird. But what I'm getting at is you, I would assume, I'm being fair. I would assume two women should understand each other and have a high success rate. But the fact of the matter is, two women can't even cohabitate. Two women can't even cohabitate. Based on statistics, not my opinion. So therefore, in order to deal with a woman, you have to be very strong. Right? Because the expectations are very strong. And someone that don't want to accept that, they're living in delusion. It's just what it is. Expectations are expectations. So again, a man will meet those expectations if he understands who he is as a man. The man [clears throat] that's evasive of responsibilities, a man that never ever ever established himself as a man. That's why he avoids being a man. But as a man, you have to be very conscious. You have to be very confident. You got to walk in the room and act like you own it. I feel like, you know, and I remember you saying, like, sometimes when we read the comments, right, guys? Because we come on here every week and we're talking, and it's what opinion-based, right? And I'm going to give my point. Q's going to give his point. I feel like a lot of times I sit and take the beating of, you know, what women don't do. I do. It's a beating. I, I call it a beating. I call it a beating of what women don't do, what we need to do. Well, no, no, no, it's not about giving a break. No, no, no. Thank you. Thank you, Mr. But every time we come on here, when I say a beating, you know what I mean? Like, come on. Let's just say what it is. It's really if we all saying the same thing, Shay. >> [clears throat] >> Sounds crazy. Every time you say the whole, we all saying the same thing. I'm surrounded by men. There's not a woman in here to defend me. Every time I come here, it's all men. So, there's no women here to defend what I'm saying. I'm saying to you, you're going to have your opinion based on men. In the comments, all the men are going to say what they feel, how they feel. He's right. He's cooking. No, I'm not. I'm not talking about the comments. changes every time you overly get involved in the comments. Q, we're not talking about. Stay with me, Shay. I'm just being. Am I capping, Dre? Okay. Yes or no? I promise you, she sits there and reading and reading and reading and reading and reading, and it keeps affecting you and it makes you emotional. Mhm. We're having a discussion. I do see the comments. I peek over and glance at it here and there. But I don't overly get involved because I know these kind of conversations are very triggering. >> [clears throat] >> And again, a lot of the times the advice you're getting from people, "Oh, I would never do that." A lot of those guys would never get a man like me. They will never say that. They won't. And the reason being, a great provider, a great father, consistent, because she's not a great submissive person. She'd rather fight a man than rather be understanding her role with a man. Say it again. Jordan and Pippen only work because Pippen accepted his role as on a team. >> have some more whiskey? I'm saying? Jordan accepted his role. They accepted their roles. If two people don't accept the roles, it don't work. It, it can't work. But again, when you start talking like this, the ones that can't accept it are women that will never get the certain type of man. And in the sad part is, the woman that's giving you, "Well, I would never." Go meet the guy that's in her bed. He's probably living under her roof and playing PS5 all day, playing straight PS5 all day, while she's at work and driving her car. And if she's giving you advice on what a real woman would take and what a real woman would take. >> ask you what makes you think you're such a good man and you're so valuable to Can I finish? >> you. No, I'm not. No, I'm asking you. What makes you think? Do you feel like? What separates you from other so-called high-value a value men? What makes you feel like Q is so amazing? You bring so much value to the skin. Can I please finish? Stop talking on my side. I'm asking you a question as my brother. You're my brother. You feel sorry. You don't feel like I genuinely love you? >> No, there's shade in there. I smell it. I can smell it. >> Why is there shade? I'm asking you a very simple question. >> you believe Okay, so let me, let me change my tone. Let me loosen up. What makes you? No, you cannot answer for him. I want him to answer for himself. >> question. What makes you feel? What separates you from other high-value men or men in general where you feel like even make a statement to say a lot of these people in the comment that don't agree with you is because they could never get a man like you. >> I said. I said there are a lot of people in the comments that when you're reading, you don't know who they are. So therefore, you could be reading a person who is triggered because of these conversations. That's why I say, Shea, I think you should stop reading the comments. >> of them could never get a man like me. You did say that. So I'm asking you. >> Yeah, when you, when you hear, when you hear a grown person say, "I would rather be single." It's because they've been single for mad long. They have to accept it. There is no human on Earth that don't want a great person next to them, male or female. Okay. When a person talk like that, it's called a defense mechanism. That's a defense mechanism. "I'd rather be alone." It's because you're alone. You have to accept it. And the fact of the matter is, you're not. You, it's disingenuous. It's not truth. Because I promise you, if the right guy came along, she would jump head first, and so would a man. If the right woman came along, he would go jump for joy. Okay. But in reality, people have falsified expectations of what they feel they deserve. But what makes me a good a man is not what I say, it's what my family say. My, what my woman say. It's what my mama say. The most important woman to me is my mother and my grandmother and my daughters. It's what they say. My daughters think I'm a superhero. My grandmother adores me, and my mother, my mother loves the man I am. And then my woman, she loves the man every day she sees. That's why I don't care what society says. My household says that. Because everything I say I do, I stand on 10 toes and I'm a man that's consistent. And the men that are like this are the men that are great leaders. Okay. He's not bending for you. He's not. He's a. Come on. And I also think just being a man who he's willing to put himself before others. >> 100%. >> He's willing to to to take up a village and teach you. 100%. >> game and have a blueprint and give out a blueprint. Most of these men don't even have a blueprint. Most of these men is bums. Let's really talk about it. They don't have nothing to share. >> Most men are bums. Yes. >> And they have nothing to share. To say most men are bums is crazy. Like, you know, most men. To say most men, from our experience, I say this to y'all. From our experience, most of the men we've met, yes, is bums. >> talk. From our experience, most of the women I met, they want what they cannot, they cannot deal with. They want certain energy, but they won't get. Like, you know, the other day, there was a lady. There was a lady in in the store. You know what she said the other day? She broke down 10 things what she think a good man is. Okay. >> So I asked her respectfully, out of the 10 things you just named, how much of those 10 things I check up on for? She said, like, nine or 10 of them. And I said, "If I'm this great guy that you're saying, and you don't listen to me, what does that mean about you?" I mean, you're a whole piece of crap. [laughter] If you said, She know what I'm talking about? Let me just. Look, if you can give me a list of 10 things that make me such a good person, and I check off one of these 10 things, and you still don't listen. Lord have mercy. Lord have mercy. That means a woman has issues. No, I think society is >> you're very narcissistic. I think this, I think this episode has taught me that my brother is very narcissistic. I think you're very self-centered. I think you are really. I think you're very full of yourself. And I think. Hold on, hold on. Narcissists are entitled. Narcissists are entitled. I think you're entitled. >> Hold on, watch this. Entitled. I feed everybody. >> I think you need to stop yelling. Why are you yelling? And that's the insult. And they call me entitled when I feed everybody. No, Shay, that sounds crazy. Because now you're talking foolish. I put my whole family first. >> Okay. Narcissists don't do that, Shay. Okay. If you give me, give me, give me the four. She ain't going to answer this. Give me the defining things. What are, what, what traits of narcissism? Like you said. >> No, now I'm entitled? You acting very entitled this episode. Hard working men I know. You acting. I don't know what you're talking about. This one. I don't. I don't like how we, you, you, you, you, you. Entitled means you expect people to give you things, Shay. But again, entitled. Entitled means you expect people to give you things. No, that's what you're perceiving. Because again, it is, it is arrogance. It's giving. What do you mean I'm not used to confident men? I'm used. I have four brothers. I have four brothers. I have a father, a stepfather, a husband. He's proud and confident. I, I love it. I know. Definitely, definitely. Read the top one. What's the first one say? Well, number two, need for admiration. I think you checked off five. >> skip the first one though, Shay? Inflated self image. Check. Shay. Confidence and arrogance, they're so closely related. It's extreme. Yo, Shay, listen to this again, Shay. Am I reading it or listening to you? >> When I said, read the first one, you jumped to whatever one you wanted to. >> Okay. I apologize. >> just do that? Okay, she did. All the men are going to agree with you. Okay. Yo, guys, we can't be keep doing this because every week this is crazy, bro. >> It, it is very crazy. I agree. >> Crazy. Because you bring two women, I brought a woman the other day, she still was not on your side. What woman that wasn't on my side? >> She wore a red last time you was here. She, she still wasn't in the grants. >> Stop it. Stop it. Okay, stop it. All I'm saying is, look, when you, when you, when you use the term entitled, right? Entitled means that you have a confidence, arrogance, and and all of that. They're on the same fence. But confidence can be measured based on where your confidence level is. Right? Because if I go around, let's say a, a Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan might sound crazy to a person ain't built to that level. Michael Jordan might, "Ain't nobody in here better than me." What you going to be like? He's, he's cocky. No, he knows he's the best. Why shouldn't he not think like that? Cuz you don't think like that? That's wrong. You're projecting how you feel and you want him to feel because of how you feel. That's kind of crazy, Shay. Again, I'm very confident. Because I stand on what I say, and I know what I do and don't do. I don't have to pretend to be who I'm not. It's just what it is. And you think a, a person on social media, Shay, don't make or break me. A person's opinion is irrelevant to me. The people that matter the most to me confirmed who I believe I am. But it's not always your message, it's your delivery. It's because of how you're perceiving it. Okay. 100%. Got you. Dig that. You can go ahead. I, I feel like our culture, we shoot the messenger. The message will literally be 2 + 2 is 4, but you mad that he said two the other way. So now you going to kill the messenger? That's the problem with our culture. >> looking. Desi knows me more than you. I thought you knew me a lot, Shay. Desi, like he's far from narcissist. I helped out so many people. I do so much for people. That's why I keep saying I can't do with these comments. Those are insecure people who have no confidence. So anytime somebody speaks a little bit of. It's, it's like, "Oh my gosh." Yes. Shay thinks she's all of that because they don't think they're all of that. That's why. In order to succeed and to win, you should think you're all of that. But here's my question. Am I approachable? Am I approachable? Do, do I like giving, giving game and helping people? I never seen a narcissist like that. Could I act a lot more arrogant than I act based on whatever I've achieved? Could I? No, you know. Hold on. Just tell me you're right now for like 2 seconds. What I mean by? No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not doing that, Shay. I'm just asking you a question. Could I act more arrogant based on whatever I've accomplished? Okay. Based on what I've accomplished, Shay, I know people that have a fraction of what I have, and they act way more arrogant and way more disgusting, and they live in basements. And they live in basements, Shay. Right? And they haven't put their family in no nothing. Nothing. But they're super arrogant. Right? But again, I built myself up and my confidence up to the point that when a person is in confident, they might take me wrong. But if you call me today and like, "Yo, I need you." Am I there? Will I sacrifice myself to make sure you're good? Yes. Narcissists don't do that, Shay. Narcissists care about themselves being. No, what I'm just trying to explain to you the term narcissism. Narcissists are not. They're not. They're not really like team players. They're not. I'm the type of person that would rather Dre get the light and I'll step back because I want him to get the shine. Agree or disagree, Jay? Agree or disagree, Tyler? Agree or disagree, Kinsey? But that's just my character. I just said to you a minute ago, they booked me to go where? I want to bring you there because of the fact that you're get an experience. Wow. Narcissists like the light. They like to shine. They want everything about them. Most people are saying it's the tone. I think our co-host is on the tone. It's our co-host with the tone. We emotional. We emotional creatures. You too emotional. It's all about tone and how he said it and this and that. But you're not looking at the message. But you got to also understand their experience of who they dealt with as men. You know, you can't fault them when they having. We just said a minute ago, over 70% of percent of black households have single mothers. So, in most cases, if you talk like that to a woman that don't understand submission, first thing she going to say is, "I ain't tolerating this." When you have a woman talking about some, "I'd rather pay 100% of bills than 50/50 with a man," you already know you're dealing with a child. That's not. That's foolish. If my bills are $5,000, Shay, and you come and say, "I'mma cut it in half," which is $2,500, and I get to keep $2,500 in my pocket, and I don't think that's a blessing, something wrong with you. You're a little slow. You're a little slow. You a whole. You slow. It don't make sense. Yo, you talking about 50/50. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. So, I said, Shay is preserving her energy. I just. You know what it is? I feel like every week we come on and it's the same argument. So, I feel like it's the same argument over and over. It's exhausting. It's tiring. It's draining. I feel like, okay, when we have, when we have kind of recognized the problem, what's the solution? I'm tired of the kind of like, and if women, and then men, and if women, and then men. It's like. You said we can't keep doing this every week. Well, okay, we can. Like, it's the same. You can't. You can't do it because. You're going to have your point, Q. I'm going to have my point. You're going. I feel like this episode is a little bit of arrogance and I sense a little bit of narcissism. And I'm going to call it what it is. But that's my opinion. You can't get mad because you don't like what I have to say. I don't always like what you have to say. I'm going to be the same person. What's the solution? What do y'all think is the solution for it? I don't know. No, I want to hear. No, no, let me go first. What's the solution? Solution? How come we fix this? >> is when we sit here every week and talk about, okay, what men don't do, and if women, this, and what women don't do, and if men don't, this, and this, okay. Now, we do this every week for an hour and change every week, okay. What is the solution? You guys like to talk. It's one, two, three, four men here. What do you guys think you want from a woman that'll make it better? That'll be. What is it? Like, we, we just going over. We're running in circles. >> tells you what they want and how to make it better, you argue with it and say it's not that. >> when a woman tells you what she wants to make it better, that you do the same thing as well? Do you feel like it's a two-way street? Do you feel like some of the same issues that you have with us, women have as well? Do you feel like men are as the dominant men and the this and the this? You feel like you guys come with the full package that you think you do? You don't think that you guys need fixing, too? You don't think we have a lot of issues with y'all men, too? >> 100%. I agree. We got a lot of issues, too. No? I agree with you. You don't think there's anything about you that your girl would say needs fixing? You think because you're dominant and you paid the bills and you don't think there's anything that she could improve? I'm still talking because you've been talking the whole time. So, I'm just asking you. Do you think that there's anything about you that she would say, "You know what? If you brought her on here right now, that she would say, 'You know what? I would change this about him. I would fix this about him.'" You think you're perfect? >> you, it's not going to be nothing to the magnitude of what you think. I bet you it's not going to. You know what's going to be? You know what's going to be? When he comes home from work, he sits in the living room and takes his socks off and leaves his socks in the living room. He don't talk to us for a little while. I diffuse from my exhausting day. I sit down and detach myself for a moment. It'll be stuff like that. It's not going to be because he's not a great provider. He's not affectionate. He's not attentive. He doesn't take care of us. He's not going to be none of those things. It's going to be more like. And you check off all of those things? Yeah, 100%. I'm not [snorts] I'm being arrogant, yes. 100%. Right? But again, that's I don't make me the standard. I think more men, if they would build up their confidence and they would build themselves. I always say that men shouldn't get in a relationship until what? He gets his life together. Because again, once he gets his life together, he's going to go after the standard of woman he wants. He's not going to be tolerable. A lot of men that are in bad relationships, ask them, are you in a situation you want to be in? Find out, and they'll say, "No." What do you think most men are lacking in the dating world right now? What do you think puts most women, puts most that are turning off most women? Like, when you say the dating pool sucks, what do you think it is? Now we're going to speak for the ladies. I'm tired of hearing about you men. It's exhausting. It's draining my my brain. I can't. I feel like it's too much. What do you feel like most men? What do you think men can improve on to make themselves more datable or more to make women want them? >> are more males in the world than there are men. Okay. Right? I think there are so many males running around here. There are not a lot of men. And a man, it takes one to know one. Okay. >> And like I said, when you talk the way you talk with confidence and conviction, it disrupts and disturbs the males and the little girls. They get offended. But again, if you want a man that's. So right now, let's just say I'm going to ask you a simple question. Let's just use. Give me a man that you view as very strong. My dad. Okay. So your dad, he met you today. No, no, that sounds weird. Give me somebody else. It's your dad. It's weird. It's weird. Give me somebody. >> say you kill? >> No, I don't want you. >> No, I don't want that. >> I think you. Kill, I think you're very strong. No, we're going to go with you. I don't want you to say me. We don't want to move it from your dad. It's just kind of hard to make it sound. >> I think you're very strong. But I don't want it to be me because I don't want it to seem like I'm forcing it to be. >> No, you're not forcing me. Give me somebody else. Give me a celebrity. I don't want to use a celebrity. No, no, let her talk to somebody who she views. It's got to be somebody she views strong. >> I used you. Let's go with that. I don't want it to be me. >> You can't tell me who to choose. I used you. >> going to sound like I'm being arrogant. I, I let's go. It's going to sound I'm being narcissistic. >> [laughter] >> Come on. Like, come on. Can you answer that question now? Give me some. Give me one guy that you view as strong. You, I choose you. >> And I said I don't want it because of the fact that I don't want to be narcissistic. >> get to another topic. We can't. If we can't talk about it, I choose you. A man I view as strong, I choose you. So, let's go. >> What makes you view me as a strong man? I think that you are a provider. I think that you're extremely ambitious. I love. That's. That's the main thing that I think that you're very, very, very ambitious. So, I feel like that for me, ambitious, provider, leader, great father. Those are four qualities that you have that I think that makes you very strong. I appreciate that humbly. But, but what I'm saying is, um, now, you say you view me as a strong guy. That's what you said from your interpretation. So, for a man, Mhm. in order for him to be a great leader, okay. He has to know what he's leading. And if a woman is constantly combating a man, it's because she don't see him as a great leader. Okay. A man that constantly argues with his woman about the role of leadership is because she's intimate with a man that she doesn't view as a leader. And if a man can't see that, it's because that's another male. Men, we establish our dominance. Okay. And we know who we are as men. Mhm. And we understand that if my team is losing, Mhm. regardless of how great I played, we lost. We lost. And it's my fault. That's what a man does. We don't pass the bill when it's pushed over. But you haven't answered my question. >> guys that look, that bill comes, and the way they put it in front of you, he pushes it over to you. >> haven't answered my question. Keep going. >> About me saying to you, now that we've acknowledged the problem, let's talk about with. So, I asked you, I said to you, what do you think that a lot of men? You said the dating world now is crazy. We've all said it's crazy. What do you think a lot of men lack nowadays or? >> They lack structure. They lack discipline. And they lack. They lack Mhm. um constructive criticism. Nowadays, I'm a little nervous with telling men the truth because of the fact that they act hyper feminine when you tell them about themselves. Mhm. They get offended because again, they're reacting based on what they saw their mother do. Their mother got defensive, they got defensive. If you go tell my son about himself, do he get defensive? I want you to answer that. I would. Yeah, I would like to think so. Most men do, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Since my son got live with me, he's not like that anymore. I can have a whole discussion with my son. He's not going to raise his voice. He's not going to say anything disrespectful. He's going to just look at me and listen. But take you out of it. I'm talking about men. Because [clears throat] you know what I'm using that example. I'm giving is my son has a man around him. Okay. When a man is removed from a situation, Shade, the statistics fall tremendously. I don't understand how, like, we talk about humans who will Google things that benefit them to support their arguments. But when you Google statistics that show how unsuccessful women are with single parenting, we ignore it. It's, it's a major issue within itself. The issue is there are not a lot of a good enough examples of what a man is. There are not enough. We need [snorts] more men who tell you like, "Bro, you don't need no woman right now, fam. Focus on yourself." And along your journey, guess what you're going to find? A great woman because your standards are going to change. When you're at the bottom, of course, the bottom looks good when you're at the bottom. But when you start moving up in life and see how hard you had to work to get to those levels, you don't look at the things at the bottom anymore. >> What do you think that a lot of men are lacking that a lot of men are lacking that they can do better in to be more appealing to women? You just flipped it back on women. Yes. I never heard of appealing to women. To be more appealing to. You heard of appealing to women? I never heard that. I never heard that. Now let me say it. What do you think that a lot of men are lacking outside of not having fathers? Outside of what do you think a lot of men are lacking? What do they need to do? Leadership qualities. They need to. They need to learn how to be leaders. Because in order for, in order to top of it, you shouldn't be fighting with a woman that's not leadable. But you should be a leader, meaning you shouldn't practice what you don't preach. Okay. Right? You should be practicing everything you're preaching, and it's coming out of your mouth. You should be the person that's saying, "Let's go to the gym." Yo, you should be waking up, "Let's go to the gym." Okay. And you, and we should be saving, you should be showing them what saving. And if you, if she don't want to be with you because of the fact that you're disciplined and you're focused on your future, then that woman ain't meant for your future. I think what, what the men that need to show where they're going with their lives, and the women will see that this man is consistently who he is, and he's willing to lose a situation for what I'm going with my life. When a man is not like that, he will deviate from his course. A man has to have a, a goal and a destination to where he's going. When he don't have that, guess what he does? He deviates and goes into the woman's plan, and then she complains about him not being a man. But he should have been focused on himself. Naturally, Shay, a woman benefits from a man that is doing the, that's on his best version of self. She benefits. It spews off of him. Because when a man becomes successful, our goal is to take care of our families. Mhm. That's our goal. Is to take care of our families. Mhm. So the reality, it, it trickles off of him if he's focused on himself. A man should be selfishly building himself up. Because again, your woman's going to benefit from it. You're going to be able to afford to go to the restaurants you want to go to. You're going to be able to take vacations. You're going to be able to do the things that you need to do that's going to keep your woman also happy. But again, if a man is not focused on himself, he can't. He's not good for no woman. He's not good for no woman. And the issue is, you see a lot of men who are more focused on how much vagina they can get than how much dollars they got in their account. You have more men that's focused on how much vagina they can get and less about how much MONEY THEY GOT. DAMN. And and and the position that his family's in. Damn. >> guys that dress nice and their kids in the projects. DAMN. THAT'S a sick person. That's a sick person. If your children aren't your first priority, something's wrong with you. I think a lot of men. So, so kind of add to the question that I asked you. I think a lot of men now, I don't know if you would agree with me, some of the ladies are just way too emotional. And I feel like that's why a lot of women feel like they can't submit. You can't submit and look at a man as a leader if he's way too emotional. If you feel like you have to be a little bit more alpha or wear the pants. There's a lot of women out here that are holding down the household way more than they should. They're taking on roles as men that they shouldn't when the men are looking for submissiveness and asking for us to, you know, be able to let them lead, but it's like, you can't lead a man that don't got no destination. And the reason Danielle said because they were raised by single mothers. Shay, when you're dealing with, we, we, we brush over the single parent issue. Mhm. If you are a teacher, right? And 70% of your students are failing. Mhm. Right? >> Mhm. Who have single mothers. And the 30. Let's say the 25%. 75% of your students are failing that have single mothers. And the 25% of your students that's passing is because they have both parents in their life. What do you think the issue is, Shay? Yeah, but we're going all the way back to that. We're going. No, but I'm saying to you, let's taking away taking away from that or adding to that. Okay, you're raised like that, but now we can't change the fact that some households were single households. We can't change that. >> Absent fathers is. But we can't change that is my point. Stop doing that. Like, I feel like when, when I say something and you're like, I'm saying to you, we can't change the fact that some people grow up in single parent households. >> we can't change it. We can't change it. Shay, if we can break out of this culture mentally where we understand that being a baby mother is not cool, we need to break out of that. There are more men who would rather impregnate a woman than get married to a woman. The ultimate commitment is having a child and making a baby. That's the ultimate commitment. That commitment never leaves. To the day you die, you are a mother or a father. Right. You don't have to be a husband and wife till the day you die, which you should be, but in reality, you don't have to be. Based on society's rules, right? So, what I'm getting at is, as long as we keep promoting having a baby out of wedlock, that's a problem within itself. Within itself, that's a problem. >> When I say we can't change that, I mean for those that have already happened. I'm not saying repeating a cycle. I'm saying if you meet a man that was raised in a single mother household, I can't change the fact that he was raised by a single mother. If I'm, if a man meets a woman that was raised by a single mother, you can't change that. I'm saying now [snorts] that we have established we were both raised by single parents, what are we going to do? So, you got two broken people now. So, now we can't, we can't become nothing together because you was raised by single mother, I was raised by single mother. What does that mean? >> Another thing that we need to push as a culture is therapy. A lot of us don't push it. We look at it as a nothing. We don't believe. Most of us believe that trauma is false, is fake. No, I don't believe that. I think trauma is very real. >> Again, I didn't say you. I'm speaking in general. Most people don't believe that trauma is real. And on top of it, a lot of times these men that you're seeing that have major issues is because society views them as weak because of the fact that they wasn't given the tools to become great men. Of course, he's weak. Go meet the people that was the examples. I got homeboys who, who mothers slept with stepfathers who was bums. And that was the example of another man outside of his father. But you think a lot of men, men go around impregnating women and they leave too? >> Agreed, because those are guys that come from broken situations. Broken situational people in most cases create broken situations. They, that's what happens. They create the same aesthetics of what they were taught. Until we learn how to give these people therapy and help, because a lot of them are fighting their traumas. The little boys and the little girls that you can't see anymore that are big people, those are the people that's projecting into the world. They're hurting. This still the, the little person that's gotten hurt, and that's the person that you see every day. It's not the big person. It's the little people. And again, they can't see that the, the issue is they need to get help and seek refuge from themselves so they can heal. But, they're going to keep blaming society for all the standards. Oh, these men ain't nothing. No, a lot of these men don't see you as the woman that you think you are. Because you're not her. And there's nothing wrong with that. Average people, I just told you, average women believe that they deserve beyond average men. It's nothing wrong with being average. Most people are average people. It's [snorts] nothing wrong with that. Yes. 1% of the country is wealthy. So, what I'm getting at is when you don't see the other day, I saw a video of the McDonald's employee girl thought she was better than the McDonald's employee guy. She said, "You're not good enough for me." >> diabolical. When you, when you see stuff like that, it's like, "What? What?" Can I? I. So, go to what Queen said. So, the solution is that men have to admit that they need healing, too. Both of us do. Yeah. Hell yeah. [ __ ] you know, you know, like comfortably, how can I say this? I've been sick. I've been in therapy. I started therapy at the age of 26 years old. I started my journey on my healing process. One of the major healing factors I had to do when I realized and I had to accept it, in most cases, people will not tell the truth on how they really feel. I [snorts] grew up without my dad, and I'm good. That's a defense mechanism because you're not good. If you can't acknowledge that growing up without one of the halves of you didn't cause some level of problems, that means you're insecure with the truth. If you can't admit that growing up without a half of you, learning a half of you didn't affect you no type of way, that's a defense mechanism. That means there's some lying there. Somebody's lying. And I'm going to be honest with you, me growing up without my father, it caused certain issues. Until I learned what was wrong with me. And I started being vulnerable and being honest. I said, "This did affect me." I agree 100%. >> me more than I want to even give light because I was worried about what? People seeing me in my vulnerable space. I've come on my podcast, I tell the truth. I don't care who judges, who got something to say. Because again, I am will be the projection because of the fact that people are insecure about their situations. There's somebody right now, whether male or female, you say you're growing up without your father, without your father, did it affect you? I'm good. I'm okay. That's why you can't submit to a man. That's why you can't be a man. But I think a lot of men. Yes. >> That's why you can't submit to a man, and that's why you can't BE A MAN. DAMN. YEAH. But do you think a lot of men what they lacked in their mothers, they look for in their women? And they look for their women to be. I don't want to say to be their mothers, but I feel like there are a lot of women out here doing more parenting to their partners than they are being their partners. So they're taking on projects and not partners. So instead of me having a man, I got a kid. You know what I mean? 100% and and I agree. Like I watch these um I I see sometimes these clips, what do they call it? The red pill stuff? When I see those things, I'm looking at a bunch of broken men who are hurt and they're running from their problems and the aesthetics of building yourself. Because I'mma be honest with you, when you complain about a woman that's argumentative, combative, always want to fight, that means there's a problem with you because I wouldn't entertain a woman like that. But it's not even just about entertaining entertaining a woman like that. I think a lot of men present themselves with so much trauma. Like you said with women, I, I sometimes with women again, we can't respect a man as a leader if we're taking on a project. So now this man has come to you broken, and just like you say, some women come to men broken. There are a lot of men that come to women broken. Now we have to take on the role of doing what we have to do as mothers, show up as women, and now we have to show up as not just your girl or your wife, but now I have to show up as your mother because I have to heal the wound that you didn't heal from trauma that you had that I didn't even create. >> and I agree. >> And I think that everyone is responsible for their own trauma. It's not for me to heal your trauma. So if you weren't healed, you shouldn't have gotten in this relationship. Of course, both of them. We're not talking about both ways now. We're talking about. We're talking about men right now that I feel like sometimes you guys don't heal before you get in relationships, and again, the woman, it's, it's now my job to figure out, oh my god, like, now I'm not just being his lover. I got to figure out how to be kind of a mother too because of the absence of that. And I don't think that's fair to us. But you know who's done that? Mothers. Who does that? >> I'm saying no, society. When you take a man and guys, if y'all agree, tell me if y'all agree. Men are looked at as weak, sassy, [snorts] anytime he expresses his emotions and feelings. Anytime [clears throat] a man is expressing himself, he's considered weak, he's considered sassy, he's considered soft. So this traumatic person who's experienced certain levels of experiences that he didn't choose, right? And invertedly inherited certain things that he didn't choose either. Right. >> Because again, he didn't have a masculine figure to teach him how to be a man. Mhm. So now he's inherited these, these mental, this mentality. Mhm. Right? Very hyper, uh, uh, um, emotional [clears throat] because he didn't have a person teaching him how to control his emotions. Now society tells him that if he is vulnerable and speak on it, either one, if he tells his woman, a lot of times it's used against him. Mhm. Right? In a moment of vulnerability. Mhm. The second one is society laughs at him for not being strong enough to be able to cope and deal with trauma that he did not create. I totally understand and I agree with you. I feel like it goes the same for the woman that didn't have the father in the house that went out and had sex with men that she was also judged based on that. So, like I said, when we've identified the problem, what's the solution? Because on both ends, there may be differences, okay, in in the way like you said, with a, with a man, if he goes and sleeps with a million women, that's not a thing, but you judge us off of that. Just the way you say now, a woman may judge a man off of he's a little too emotional, but a man may not judge a woman off of that. So, now that we've gotten the differences, what is the solution? Now, watch this. Okay, solution. Would you say that >> [snorts] >> black families have had an issue with single mothers for a long time? Single mothers and fathers, yes. No, no, absentee fathers and single mothers. Yes. Okay, now watch the question. The what changes why the boys are so feminine is because of the way the nuance of women parent. They parent them completely different than how I was. I was raised. >> [clears throat] >> Like when I look at my mom, my mom was tough on us. My mom wasn't no. And my mother wasn't like that. My mother was tough. Now, you have the parents who say, you know what? I refuse to raise my children how my mother raised me, and now you're bearing a little soft guy. And society is not going to view your sons the same way you view them. You could love your son to death, and that's a beautiful thing. But society, when he walks into society, society sees that as another big man who ain't got nothing. And, and, and if you don't teach him that that's how the world is going to view him, you're under preparing them for reality. But I think there's a thin line in between babying a boy and letting him express his emotions because you also just said when a man comes off as emotional, he's sassy. So, you don't want a woman doesn't want to raise her son to

feel like he can't express his emotions. I have two boys. My 12-year-old, we've talked about this. He's a little bit more emotional than my 8-year-old. I don't ever want him to feel like if he comes to me and says, "Mom, this is what I'm going through, you need to be a boy. You need to act like a man. You need to be a man." I don't want to say that to him. I want to give him a safe space where he feels like he's able to express his emotions. He's able to come to me and I'm not judging him and I'm not making him feel like he's emotional and sassy because he feels.

So, it it it it goes hand in hand with you saying those same boys get raised and looked at as sassy if they have a mother who's too rough. So, where is the fine line?

Of women they raise men they would never date. Do you understand that? The nuance of women they raise men they would never date. And then the sad part is, Shay, you have to take over where the mother left off at. This is what they've created. My mother raised a man. Because my mother made me make my own sandwiches and then she said, "If you go to Brooklyn and you get stuck there, you better figure out how to get home." My mother was not, "Let me Uber you from the." You got kids that live three blocks from their house, the mothers Ubering them home. Three blocks. So, this young man has no sense of self-worth, no sense of, "I can do anything for myself." Is always looking for something codependent because that's how he was created. And then he's ostracized and judged because we're not going to look at a lot of those guys that you see that's super weak. Go look at the mothers. They baby them a lot. They baby him.

So, you say that we also live in a different society though from when you and I were growing up. So, parents, parents are different because times are different.

I think you can be more understanding of letting someone express himself, but tough love is great love. Tough love is the same. This is the truest form of love. But when you tell somebody, "Yeah, let me not say nothing to hurt his feelings. My son musty, your fam you musty." What are you doing? What are you doing? Now, you know, I just feel like sometimes you walk around smelling. No. Society ain't going to do that for him because every time someone that gives him, "Yo, you musty," he becomes hypersensitive or hyperemotional. Right.

Because he's never been taught how to receive constructive criticism. So therefore, he's expecting the same what the mother gave him from his woman. Mhm. So a lot of times women are dating for fathers and a lot of men are dating for mothers. That's what you see in society today. They're looking for mothers. They're looking for dads. Look at. Think about this. The women that ask the men to have to pay for everything and trips and all of that, that's a father. The men that ask the women that they bleeding on the woman emotionally, that's a mother. It's just what it is. They. It's society, the way we're parenting is horrible. Horrible. You got kids failing right now and they still got on Jordans.

[snorts] I agree with that, yeah.

Why? Cuz my baby ain't going outside looking crazy? But I feel like that's a lot in our culture. It's funny guys, cuz I have a friend who works for a college, right? And this was at Nassau. I don't know if I don't know where a lot of you guys are from. If you're from New York, but if you're familiar with Nassau, it's a community college, right? And she said when she was working in bursar, bursar's where you make the payments, right? Said that um you would have a lot of she would she would kind of realize that you had a lot of like the white families would come in and I'm not saying all, this is what she said. Lot of the white families would come in, they pay the full tuition, okay, my son has to take 18 credits, boom boom boom, here. Indian families, Asian, whatever, Spanish. She said a lot of black kids, they coming in. Do your sneakers, do your belts, do your everything. Oh, I got to drop two or three classes to be able to pay this and go on this. The most I think for a lot of black people, again, I'm not saying all, but I'm talking about my own culture, my own race. We do so much lavish, we worry about the wrong things. We care so much about the image and we care so much about, you know, social media, the likes and the prom. Like I see people preparing for the prom and they need to have they need to rent the most lavish car. They need. The kid ain't even make it. You don't even know if your child's going to college. You don't even know if he got into a school. And I feel like I'm not saying you don't reward your children for effort. I'm not saying when your kid does good, you don't reward. But I feel like, what's the limit? Now your kid has on two, three thousand dollar shoes. He got on, you know, you done rented a twenty thousand dollar chain. There was one mother where she must have took all her money out of the bank to just throw it in the air, but it did it surrounded by family cuz we all got to catch it cuz it got to go back. Just to show off.

Like these proms are super lavish, super crazy, but your kids are taking out student loans. Your kids aren't even. You don't even know if your kid is going to school. Like I feel like for us, that's where we have to kind of like step back. You know what I'm saying? It's like we would rather look rich than to be rich. And that's what I hate about our culture.

Two examples. My daughter, when she used to get up, she used to wake up with an attitude. And her mother used to. My daughter.

Remember, I have two children before my new child.

Mhm. I know that.

She would say stuff like, "You know that's just her." No, that's not just her. That's what you allow her to be. Her mother used to say that?

Yes. "That's just her. She wakes up with an attitude." No, that's what you allow her to be. "You get up, you speak to everybody, say good morning."

Right. Now she gets up, "Good morning."

[snorts] Yeah. It took me consistent structure, showing her you. We're not going for that. We're not going for that. First thing she do, she get up, "Good morning" to everybody. "Good morning."

Right? Right? There's a book called um a make a making your make a make a make my own make your. I make my own bed. Right. And it teaches these disciplines that people deviate from but still expect people to do, right? Going further, when my when my daughter was born,

Mhm.

I said, "We're not doing Jordans and all these lavish things."

Mhm. When she was born, I said, "Give me five hundred. Give me five hundred." The day she got her social security number, we put a thousand dollars in her bank account. We opened up a custodial stock account. And every birthday, every Christmas, and every single like like Valentine's Day, I add money as a father. But now you fast forward, she's four. She's almost at $60,000. Yeah. Right? But again, my woman had no understanding of this. But this is the difference of getting a great leader. A great leader creates structure. And when it deviates from the structure, that man is willing to walk away from what he's not seeing as structure. So what I'm going to finish? Let me finish. So when you, when now fast forward, I didn't want to give my daughter the lavish birthdays. Right.

Want to give my daughter. You got Dora the Explorer in your yard and you crying about the rent at the end of the month. Do I believe what's going on is you have mothers and mothers for the most part who believe that I don't want my child to feel the financial struggles I felt. And I I feel the guilt. But in reality, you're not helping them. Yeah. All you're doing is prolonging a surgery that needs uh uh you're putting a band-aid on something that needs surgery. The major issue is in that situation is the child not having the structure and having a understanding the value of money, they're going to continuously look at it as how you got your child thinking cuz you read the Lambo for one day you lit. You lit. That's a horrible parent.

Our culture does that. I agree with you when it comes to kids cuz I feel like with me with my boys, I started out early. The college funds, the the savings bonds. I know they say savings bonds ain't worth it, but I did that when they were like a couple months old. I started the college funds. I started all of their own accounts. Like I don't know if you guys. What is it called? Greenlight. I don't know if you guys have kids where it's like the the little debit card. And my kids have had that since they were young. So every week, instead of giving them an allowance, I put it in that account. So it takes it out of my account and put it puts it in their account. So my almost 13-year-old has a ton. My 8-year-old obviously has a little less because he's younger. But it's teaching them that I don't need to put the money in your hand. The money is there and you could use it. So now when my son goes to the store and I'm like, "Here's your card. You want something?" But he's. He's. I really don't know if I want to spend my money. I'm like, But think about it. It's just teaching you that it doesn't grow on trees and this is this is what we're doing. So, I feel like it is very important for our culture to set our kids up because a lot. My parents weren't able to do it because they weren't. You know what I'm saying? Capping for what? Like, I don't need to cap. I'm um.

Our parents didn't do it. I saw it and I read it. My parents didn't do it for me. They weren't able to do it for me. So, the fact that I'm able to do it for my kids is something that I I feel like I have to do. Life insurance. I feel like another thing in our culture, a lot of us don't have that. We believe. I remember people used to tell me, "Oh, you know, you're way too young to have life insurance or why do you have life insurance for your kids?" The minute that my kids. We were my husband and I we set it up. Like, listen, we all need life insurance policies. We need to set up something and I mean not only just me and you, but our kids. We need to know that God forbid something happens, we're not on here setting up a GoFundMe talking about some I need this so people can laugh at us talking about some oh, they're wearing Burberry coats, but they need money for burial. We don't want to do that. I feel like financial literacy is key and just teaching our kids something we didn't know. I wish somebody would have told me that if I would have invested in an Apple stock a thousand dollars when I was 18, I would have been a millionaire. No one told me that. So, for me it's for me to teach my kids like.

Listen, I'm not telling you money is everything, but you need it. Yeah. And if I can help you, you know what I'm saying? To just set my kids up. I know when my kids turn 18, there's the money that's there. You choose to do. I would I would rather go broke making sure my kids is good than to be out here flexing. Would you rather.

To God. I would go broke making sure they're good than to be out here flexing. You know the true formula of making your child a millionaire is first birthday you put a thousand dollars in. Every birthday you put five hundred dollars in. And then every single birthday every month you put about fifty to twenty-five dollars in every single month until they're 18. After 18 you leave it alone. Let it compound. By the time they're about twenty-five to thirty-five, they'll have over a million dollars guaranteed. Right.

Guaranteed. But again, you know what it is? We want to look like we have more than what we have, and then you're hurting the next generation. We would say the economy has gotten expensive. The only [clears throat] reason why the economy is expensive because our our parents didn't know financial literacy. The economy's been getting expensive. From my grandfather to my mother to my generation to my son's generation, it's been like that. Since the beginning of the time. You take the '60s, got more expensive in the '70s, it got more expensive in the '80s, it got more expensive in the '90s and 2000. It just. It's going to continue to be like that. But what's going on is you're seeing people that came to test underprepared. They didn't come with their their their notes, they didn't do anything. They just sat there, didn't study, and then the parents, they got older, you know what? I feel disgusted that I didn't have these nice things. You got to make your child believe that I am him or I am her without the luxury items. When your child feels like you you teaching them a a copycat mentality. You're nothing without the latest Jays, and everyone got on these sneakers, so I have to have the latest sneakers. You're supposed to build their confidence where they don't care. My. You know what I'm saying? And if. And if you are in the area that's teaching your child, "Yo, you ain't nothing without Jordans," more than likely you're in a bad area. But do you feel like a lot of black people, people in our culture, we. I I'm going to say men and women feel better when we look better? Like we need to have the nicest car, we need to have the nicest this. Like it's all about stature.

I think I think I think I think I think I think it's most people that that's insecure with themself. Because I'mma be honest with you, as I've leveled up, Shay, the most successful people I meet, they drive the most modest things.

Agreed.

And they live very modest. Wealthy people plan on how they're going to make more money, broke people plan on how they're going to spend more money.

Agreed.

So therefore, again, the people that you're talking about are very very very very people who are very insecure with their truth.

Agreed.

And they live in a delusional space because it makes them feel better about a falsified reality. Because Adam Sandler will put on the junkiest clothes that we consider junkie, jump out of his driver's chauffeur truck, and go play basketball in the middle of nowhere, and he has a $500 million dollar worth, and don't care about how you perceive them, because he don't view money as a god, he view money as a a tool that's allowed him to have the time to do whatever the hell he wants. We look at money as a tool to make us look like we're in positions we're not. Two different mentalities.

Remember I used to say to you, so my husband is Indian, guys. Totally different culture, right? And I when I when we first started dating, I never understood why he was so cheap. I'm like, yo, he is so cheap. Like, you don't want to do this, you don't want to do that, you don't want to go here, you don't want to go there. And he would always say like, I need my kids to have, I need my kids to have. And his parents established things for our kids like they bought land. Like, there was land in my kids' name and stuff that I was just, you know, back then I was very immature, just being like, oh well, we need to buy this and buy this and do this and do that. And they're like, uh, like we need to make sure that if God forbid something happens to us, these kids are good. I need this house to be in this one's name and this house to be. So, I feel like other cultures established that from young. A lot of times I feel like we had a false start, guys, cuz we didn't even have the opportunity. Do y'all remember back in the day, there were some places there were some towns that like y'all could you couldn't even um black people couldn't even own property. You couldn't even sell to us. So, I feel like we kind of had a slow start, but even with the slow start and whatever we have, I think we could do a little bit with it. Like, buying a home for me was a big decision. Like, oh my god, we need a home. But I look at it now like it's for my kids, it's not for me. I don't need to buy a house. [laughter] I can live in a room. I can live in a basement. I can live in an apartment. It's for my kids. A house is your first family bank. Yeah, it's it's it's for my kids. So, I like the fact that I think financial literacy, guys, should be taught in every school. I think if we learn that, I think that should be something that they teach. My son's school now, they're doing it in eighth grade where they teach financial literacy is one of the curriculums, and I think it's amazing. I think it's something that we need to learn because had we known some of the things then that we know now, things would be a whole lot different. And I think a lot of races and cultures have a head start because but our culture are just so but we we we we behind.

Mind. We behind. I can do it in the lab right now. I call Quinn in right now, tell her to bring her iPad, and ask her what company made the chip that's in your iPad. You know what she's going to say? Nvidia. She knows. Yeah.

She's 4 years old. Yeah. At 4, Tyler. Am I capping? At 4. Yeah.

Am I lying, Kinsey? My daughter, I sit here and say, "Quinn, name three pair of Jordans, I'll give you $100." She won't fill that. Yeah.

My daughter to name three tech stocks at 4 years old, she can name it. Mhm. Because again, the information that we claim that they withhold from that they withheld from us, we were holding it from our children. Yeah. We're doing the same cycle. Yeah. And then they get mad and blame the world and I'm like, "No, it's you. You're the one that stopped opening books. You're the one that stopped learning. You're the one that's insecure. You're the one that don't want to hear truth. You're the one that want to look rich." Yeah. And a lot of them, they get mad at that.

I agree.

Right? Like like like like my cars, we we lease them and we write them off in my company. It's a tax write-off. But again, I don't I don't go into these details because a lot of times, black people, when you start talking about what you've accomplished, they take it like you're showing off. Yeah. That's the same way as a person that's confident. They don't like it. They hate people that that are confident and know what the hell they're talking about. Yeah. That's why a lot of us have stayed in rooms that we feel superior in or equivalent to. Most people will not go into a room that's speaking Spanish if they don't speak Spanish and stay in there until they learn Spanish. That's financial literacy. When you stay in spaces, they're speaking a language that you don't understand, but I'mma stay here until I learn it.

Here until I learn it. And I'm getting up out of here, they're speaking like, "I don't know what the hell they're saying." Okay, now. That's most of us. And then they envy the ones who stayed in that room to learn. They're going to call you Uncle Tom if you behave a certain way. They're going to call you, "You think you're all of that. You think you're better than everybody." You Hollywood. Yeah. But again, it's a mentality. Because again, you're being taught by hurt people how to think. They're not happy. Yeah. You know my girl? She seems happy to you? Do you see him fake? No. I love her. But if I'm this mean, arrogant monster.

Here we go. I don't think but I'm just I'm not talking about you. I'm just saying why would she feel that way? She know the same energy that I I have that same energy that I the aggression that you see, I have the same energy with the bills. I don't fight my woman, I fight bills. I don't fight my woman, I fight responsibilities.

As you should.

Fight my children and and pour into my children negativity. I teach them responsibility. That's why I stand here as a king and can crown my. You know, my family gave me my crown, not me. But again, it takes confidence for you to be this kind of a person. If every man had this true perception of themself, you would see a lot better men. I think black culture is not a confident culture. Say it again. I think black culture is not a confident culture at all. I think we falsify what confidence is. I think we stand behind things that make us look like we more secure than what we actually are. A confident person is a person that can go outside without makeup. A confident person is a person that can go outside without wearing the latest and greatest. A confident person is a person that don't have to wear brands and they're comfortable with it. Because 9 out of 10 times we worried about what people going to think when they see us. When a person is like that, they cannot tell me that they're confident. You worried about. You got people that put on makeup to go to the gym. To go to the gym.

DAMN. This is who you are. I remember the other day the lady made me take 85 photos just to choose one photo. I said, "All 85 of them photos is you." It's the same photo. But in her mind, it had to be the perfect angle, perfect shot, perfect, perfect, perfect. And I said, "You worried about society." "I'm not worried about." Yes, you are. Yes, you are. Yes, you are. I agree. But again, she got offended when I said that to her.

Say something now that I'm in sipping a little bit Big Z's whiskey? I feel like women cuz he said, "What you sipping, Shay? Hey Bigs." You know he comes on every week. I feel like we women get our confidence, and I know this sucks, guys. Women follow me. I feel like social media does play a big part. When you see what other people are doing, what other people are this, you may go to the gym and you see her wearing this and this one doing this. Sometimes you can't help but to be like, "Okay, well, I want to look a little cute, too." If you If you ain't that woman, I'm not saying every woman is safe. You not on social media. You don't care. You don't care. But I'm saying we feel like we're in competition with other women. Everybody wants to be sexy. Everybody wants to look good. Everybody wants to this. No, it's. But I feel like men do the same thing, too. I feel like men are in competition with other men. That's a lot. Q, you bugging. I feel like men are in competition with other men, too. They Everybody wants to be the better this, the better the the better car, the better this, the better that. Shay, Shay, Shay, being fair to you, and look look look at me. There are certain traits a man takes on if he grows up with a single mother because that's the example of what being an adult is. So, the men that you see that are like that, they have very feminine traits. Those are the men that will argue with you for 5 hours. Those are the men that say, "I ain't paying no bills." Those are those kind of guys.

Be in competition with other men? Not the real men. The real men get inspired by men. They get inspired by each other.

[clears throat]

Yo, the real like you know my town is a very successful town. Would you agree? Where I live? My business is there. If you listen to the conversations that's there, they're not. You Take you where I'm from. Two different complete conversations. The conversations of where I'm from, those guys will take it like you flexing and you showing off and they hate you. But in my space here, when you talk about these same conversations, word, so what stock are you buying next? Yo, they get inspired by each other. It depends on the level of maturity the man is at. The real men that are providers and protectors and and give me security, they want to learn more.

Cuz I was going to say, why they want to stab, shoot, and kill other men over what they have? Cuz there's a lot of men out there doing that. Like they hate us.

From? Those men, where they from?

Non-successful men. I don't know what you're trying to get me to say, but I'm not going to.

From the the certified crash houses and certified crash out areas. You ain't going to think a man going to work to be a a multi-millionaire talking about you out of crash out because you got more money than him. Every man is successful in their own right. Somebody said the hood, a fact. Those people are from a certain aesthetics that created a certain mentality. But if you don't change that mentality, that's why they're the way they are. Insecurity looks secure when you're around insecure people. It looks very secure. So again, when you sit down and listen to certain people they they they're not mad at you. They're mad at the truth. Okay. Would you agree that most people who talk negative they don't even know they talk negative? Cuz I.

Somebody just said that they don't know any better. They're right.

Know better. I was having a conversation with somebody and it's always something negative and I tell them like I'm not negative. I'm like you just don't know because you're so negative. They don't know what it takes. Bro, I text you the other day when he posted a clip and I was like no, I commented. I was like oh my god. I was watching myself. I was like damn, he's out of line. But you know, it's opinion, right? I love you guys.

But I love that you said it on what you said though. And what I always say to them Shay.

Oh my god. Is that me? I'm like you take that down before I get you arrested.

[laughter]

Oh yeah, they don't know. They don't know. They have no clue.

[laughter]

What? But but being but being fair to society. Let me tell you all something. When we come on this show, Q, I'mma need you to vet the people that you bring on here. I need you to start checking people out. Listen, me and Q we have this love love love hate relationship, but I love my brother. We talk all day during the week. I'll call him. Q, I got a question. He'll call me, whatever. We're talking two, three, four days out the week, guys. Someone came on this show told their truth. I don't care who you are. I don't care if you're watching. I don't care if you watch later. Come on you come on here. We talk our truth, right guys? Y'all don't always agree with me. I see the comments. She bugging. She wilding. She must be single. She this. It's okay. It's cool. Whatever. Mhm. You come on here. You speak your truth. Nobody coerce you. Nobody asked you to say what you said. You came on here. You said what you had to say. You got to understand when you're talking, it's people on here. We we we streaming from everywhere.

Real people. People are able to agree and disagree. Y'all don't agree with everything I say and it's okay.

I I'm like I I didn't like what she said. like what I said. Okay, it is what it is, but that's my truth. You cannot now wait until we post the clips to now have a issue and text my crew my my you know gang and say hey.

Mhm. I didn't like what you did. I didn't like what you posted. I need you to take that down. I'm calling lawyers. I'm doing this. Girl, are you crazy?

Cuz it backfired on how she looked.

With you? What's wrong with you? Like you came on here. You spoke your truth. You were very comfortable. I saw you was smiling, put your head up. You was like reading like you sitting in my chair. Just saying. And you said what you had to say and people didn't take it the way you wanted them to take it and that's okay, but you cannot get mad because your truth might not be for everybody. It is all right. They didn't like what you had to say, but now you over you trying to sue my brother. Girl. But I want to say this too like guys respectfully right and this is being fair to everybody who watch the podcast, right? And and let me just say that when it come off. For those who watch the podcast, right? I want y'all to understand like look me and Shay we have a great relationship. This is really family to me. We we we.

Great is a push.

What I'm saying? Extreme. Beyond great. But I'm just saying respectfully when y'all do reviews and these people that be doing the reviews, I just want y'all to understand like yo when you start disrespecting somebody it show that you're very low vibration. If you're in the comments, I don't agree with you. I don't I don't. I'm not hearing what you say. That's cool. But to call somebody derogatory terms and everything it shows that you're very low IQ people, right? We have to understand that everyone is not going to agree with each other. Everyone is not going to have the same ideology. And sometimes people are in positions because they don't have the same ideology. There were certain people that did reviews on certain videos that we have posted. And a lot of them have taken extreme unnecessary comments to to guests and to my co-host. And a lot of times, I'mma be honest with you, as a man, I don't respect it. The one thing you can only say honestly say, Shay, I will never call you out your name. I never call women out they names. I don't put my hands on no woman. I am not disrespectful. You know what I'm saying? I'm being honest. But but again, when you sit down and watch look at these these these reviewers, they be saying some very not negative condescending things. And it says that, man, you might be. These men that are doing these reviews, y'all maybe have mommy issues and daddy issues yourselves that y'all need to work on. Abandonment issues. Because the way you talk about a woman you don't know is crazy. This is also a beautiful black sister who's who spews her confidence every time she comes on here by even taking the scrutiny and the backlash that you going to give her. And she doesn't. She don't bend off. She She don't bend. Right? She stays strong on what she believes. But again, guys, stop the disrespect. The disrespect is extreme. Because again, she. We We all voicing our opinions and we allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and speak our truth. The whole concept they saying in another black podcast, this podcast is not here to hurt. It's actually here to build. My goal is. That's why you don't see two people doing. You see other podcasts, they start throwing hands. They curse. They scream. Man, I don't even.

Other podcast fighting? What? I ain't trying to fight Q. He be. I'm in the gym, too, but he strong.

I'm saying. But I feel like you know what it is? I don't mind guys. And I think that's the thing that sometimes goes with me and goes against me. I tell Q, my dad raised me, right? And my dad was crazy. So, I'm okay with giving my opinion and not being agreed with. It's okay if people don't agree with me. I learn from this podcast. So, I learn from men. And I I come on here sometimes and I've popped my ish. But I'll go back and say, "You know what? He was right." I call him. I'm like, "You know what? I felt what you were saying." And I'm not upset that people that we disagree. We agree to disagree. What I don't like are the people that do the reviews. We've had a couple guys do the reviews and like when you're calling me out of my name and you're being disrespectful, like I don't. Me and Q may talk our ish. I'm like, "Yo, bro, you sound very narcissistic this episode." Do I think he's a narcissist? Absolutely not. I'm talking my ish today because we're just talking our ish today. But to call me a B and come out of my name and you know, like to me, I don't even want to watch it because I don't I don't want to like subscribe to that. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I don't want to subscribe to that. Like I feel like just because I disagree with you because that's what makes us women look at some men as sassy. Like I feel like you are gay. Like the two guys that did that review, that's how I feel. Like it's very it's giving very feminine energy and it's giving very you don't have a girl. You could never get get a girl woman. So you sit back there and you talk a woman apart because it makes you feel better behind your screen. So what I want y'all to do is come on this show and say everything that you said behind your podcast to my face. I challenge the both of y'all that did your whole little review. So come on here and come say it. Like if you want to talk your truth cuz I'll come on y'all show and pop my ish. You know me. I have no problem. She she she she calls me out my name, but respectfully Shae and me really know each other and and it ain't I don't take it as an insult. Today she called me a narcissist. I don't care because I know what it is. But we do this because again, this is real everyday conversations that people should be having as normal people and also on top of it be able to agree to disagree. I'm going to tell you when you see a narcissist, when the person if you ever ask somebody for something and you don't give them a room to say no, you're a narcissist. That's a narcissist. You don't give a person even room to say no. Right? The person has to say yeah. Yeah, you can't give me a ride? So you can't give me a ride? Like what? No, I just got off of work. Yes. [snorts] tired. I want to sleep. When you don't give people room to disagree with you, like today we debate. That's what we do. This is what the podcast is all about. But the reality is you'll never see us insult each other. You'll never see us disrespect each other. Right? But when y'all when y'all when y'all sit here in these comments and y'all overly talk crazy, a lot of y'all I feel like y'all projecting. A lot of y'all projecting and I'mma just be honest with you. Y'all say things like because maybe you feel a way about your personal life and it's okay. But we here to heal and we here to help each other build. Because again, the perspective ladies I mean guys that she's saying, it might be something you need to hear. I'mma be honest with you. Most people aren't narcissistic. Actually, narcissistic people are very very very low amount of people. Somebody Google it before we get out of here. The percentage of people that are actually narcissists.

Thanks, babe. She said you got to know Shay to know she mean no harm. I love babe. Babe always wants to be up. Yeah. Thank you. And thank you, Queen Lache. Oh, you got the Shay in your name, too. Ew. Somebody Oh, you there? What you give What tell Google it real quick.

Said what? Somebody what?

No, but guys, real talk honestly, these help the conversations. Somebody was like, "Oh, you talking about the same." I'm like, "Yo, it's it's not the same as every everyday podcast because we trying to come to a solution." Right? And and hopefully in most cases from my DMs and from Shay's DMs, we get a lot of people that say they learned a lot from this podcast.

Love you guys, too.

I'm saying. Shay, you got anything you want to say before you get out of here today? Just to guys, I love you guys. Thank you guys for coming on faithfully every week. Thank you guys for listening to us and just being super supportive and not, you know, being very diplomatic and being able to just accept both of our perspectives. I see some of you guys that are on here all the time. Some of you that have negative things to say, I don't want to say what I want to say right now, but you know what you could do. Other than that, like. Someone Someone wrote earlier, "Do we do this each." We do this each and every Sunday. Between. We start anywhere from around like 3:00. Let's say 3:00.

3:00ish. We start every single Sunday. Guys, turn on the bell notification whether you're on YouTube or you're on TikTok or you're on Facebook, turn on the bell notification so it will alert you that we going to do this. We do this each and every Sunday. And for those who don't know, the old episodes are live. If you want to view it physically, you can go look at it on our YouTube channel. It's called Empowered Dynasty EM. Yes, Eastern Standard Time. E M P O W E R D Empowered Dynasty is the YouTube channel. We are over 100,000 subscribers, guys. And we continue to grow each and every day. It's been a safe space for a long time. For those who don't know, you can go follow Shea at T S A H A Y Jones. That's my Instagram, guys. Tashay. Jones.

My name. And you can go follow me at Q Boss 516 Q D A B O S S 516 on all platforms. And for those who don't know, as we like to say before we get out of here, Don't let that go over your head.

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