Transcription
People do this thing where they slowly become someone they are not. Not all at once, just little by little. Someone says something, you adjust. Someone reacts a certain way, you adjust again. And after long enough, you look up and realize the person you've been showing everyone isn't really you.
I had a gaming channel with my friends, just funny videos, stupid moments, you know, stuff that made us laugh. And people would say they suck. Uh, they're trash from either comments online or people that I knew. And at some point, I listened. Yeah, I stopped making them. And for a while, that felt like the right call. Like, okay, maybe they're right. Maybe it's not good enough. You know, maybe these aren't funny. Maybe these suck. Maybe my editing could be a little better. But those videos were so fun to make. Like, genuinely fun. Me and my friends would just be idiots playing any game we like, and I would record it and edit it a little bit later. And at some point, I actually like sat with the idea. Like I just stopped doing something I actually loved doing because random people or some people in person that I didn't even like said it was bad. Why did their opinion of something I enjoyed mattered more than the fact that I enjoyed it? That was one of the moments where I stopped caring what people thought about what I was doing and what I built after that is what I'm doing right now. So that's what this video is about.
So when people tell you to be yourself, right, it sounds so easy, so simple, easy peasy, right? But for some people it's not because being yourself requires actually knowing what yourself is. And a lot of people have been like adjusting to different people that they have no idea what they are like. They've been performing a version of themselves for so long that the real one feels like a stranger. Like if you ask them right now, what do you actually like? Like what do you think? What do you want? Because every answer has been filtered through what other people would think of it for so long that the unfiltered version barely exists anymore.
So let's say there's a start, right? Like you get into a friend group. Maybe someone brought you in. Maybe you were new somewhere. I don't know. And you want to stay with this friend group. You don't want to lose these people that you just became friends with because you never had any friends. You're probably a loser. So you want these people to actually like you. So before you do anything, you just kind of watch what they do. You figure out what's acceptable, what's funny to them, what's not, what they think is cool, what they think is lame. And you quietly start like calibrating, you know, just being careful because it's kind of smart, you know, being careful, blah blah blah. Like you're just reading the room. Cool. No shame in that. But then someone says something you like is stupid and you don't say anything and you slowly stop bringing it up or you stop liking it as much or at least stop showing it around them. And then maybe you'll overhear something. You know, someone said you're not funny and you start holding back. You know, you're being quieter. You're not throwing things out there as much. And then someone makes fun of what you're wearing and you change how you dress. Each one of these is a small adjustment you are making to yourself. But then at some point, you make enough of them and you've basically handed your whole personality over to people who never even asked for it. They didn't demand you to change. They just reacted. And you took that reaction as a reason to be less of yourself. And for that it just kind of snowballs because once you start adjusting people start expecting that adjusted version. And now you can't even be yourself around them without it feeling weird because people would be like you're just acting different like why are you acting like this? And it's like that's you. And so it just started with you being around these people and now that whole personality thing just bleeds into everywhere else.
And so when I think about this I think like you know some people just want to belong, right? When you want to belong to a group, their opinions feel like, I guess, facts, right? Like, if these people I actually want around are saying this, then it must be true, right? Like they're seeing something I'm missing. So, you treat their reactions like verdicts, and you keep adjusting to fit whatever verdict they gave you over and over and over and over until you've shaped yourself entirely around a group of people who probably don't even think about you as half as much as you think about what they think. Is that crazy? And the crazier part, right, is you're doing all of this for people who have moved on from the comment entirely. They said one thing one time and probably forgot about it the next day. And you built a whole new version of yourself around it. You gave one throwaway comment from someone in a friend group that much power over who you are. And they don't even remember saying it.
And it's not even just friend groups. You see it with celebrities and creators online all the time. Someone blows up being completely themselves, weird, specific, unfiltered, and that's exactly why people love them. That authenticity, right? That's the whole thing. And then enough comments and then enough comments pile up saying, "Change this or do that." And they start, you know, softening. They start becoming what the audience wants instead of what they actually are. And slowly they lose the exact thing that made people show up or even what they loved. And people feel it even if they can't name it. Like something's different, like something's a little off. This feels kind of, you know, like a performance. And you can always feel the difference between someone performing and someone being real. And real is always more interesting, even when it's not polished. Real wins every time. In my book, at least.
Now, there's a difference between people actually helping you and people just being dicks because some people give real feedback, but they just give it terribly. And when you're young, you genuinely can't tell the difference between someone being mean and someone being honest. Someone says something harsh about you and you either take it as complete truth or dismiss it as hate. Both are wrong. The whole skill is figuring out who actually has I guess your back, right? Versus who just likes watching you react. Rage baiting. I guess rage baiting would be the best way to put it. And to actually tell, you know, look at the patterns, look at the signs. It's so easy to look at like people and see their patterns. Is this person always coming for you and always just, you know, pressing your buttons, rage baiting, or is this a one-off thing from someone who actually cares? Are they saying it publicly to get a laugh in the friend group, or are they just, you know, being real, kind of one-on-one sometimes? Those are real good talks. Or sometimes they're not. It just really depends on that person. A real friend who has real feedback, says it once, and just moves on. They're not like bringing it up in front of everyone every single second, right? And what they're saying is about something that actually matters. Not your hoodie, not what music you like, like actual stuff that affects something real.
I wear shorts and hoodies, right? That's what I wear. Someone might say, "I need to change my style." And yeah, maybe I can. But the fact is, I like it. It's comfortable. It's mine. I spent a lot of money on these shorts and hoodies, especially the hoodies. That's a fact about me, right? Their opinion about it isn't a fact. And when you operate from actual facts about yourself instead of other people's opinions, you stop being so easy to move. Their whole comment will just bounce off of you. Like it doesn't matter. But the problem is most people who shrink themselves don't have their facts straight yet. They haven't done that honest like assessment of themselves. They don't know what they actually like, actually want, actually believe because they've been letting other people decide for so long. So when someone says something about them, there's nothing to push back against it with. There's just no foundation to work off of.
And how you actually figure out your facts is simple, right? It's so easy, but I guess also uncomfortable. You have to sit with yourself and be real. Not emotional, just factual. Do I actually like this thing or do I just like it because the people around me like it? Do I dress this way because the people around me dress this way or do I like it or am I following a trend? I I don't know. Like you can literally do that for hours. Do I like playing Fortnite? Yeah. A super simple one, right? Do I like Minecraft? Yes, I love Minecraft. Do the people I hang out with like Minecraft? No, they don't at all play Minecraft. They hate it, too. But does that change anything? No. I'm just going to play Minecraft on my free time. And so people don't even start with that assessment of themselves because they're like, I don't even know anyway, so there's no point.
When you go home and you're all alone, what do you do? Do you talk the way you talk to people when you're hanging out with them? Do you watch the same stuff? Do you play the same stuff, dress the same way, or even your hobbies when you go out? What do you do? But if you never assess what you really do, then you just become a person you know you're not. Like you don't forget who you are. Unless you have like dementia or something. That's pretty funny. But like you still know like deep down you know exactly what you like and how you actually want to be. And after some time, you know, after a while, you know, you're you're putting on these clothes you used to wear and they don't feel right. They don't feel that good. But it's because you conditioned your mind to just go with the new things that you don't really care for. So now you're just even more lost. You're like, I kind of like it, but man, it just it just kind of sucks. I just changed my whole personality. And around you, everyone has accepted that smaller version of you, you know, the the one that changed. They see it as the real you. If you decided to just be quiet in the friend group, then you're just that quiet guy that doesn't want to talk to people. But you kind of do, but you don't.
And even when you're trying to find relationships, it could be harder because those people that you're looking for, you know, if you're being that version that other people want you to be, which is crazy to me, but if you are, then you're going to find people that are like that. And if you don't even like yourself, you're not going to like those people. So like there's a genuine cost in the long term. You stopped having opinions because you stopped trusting them. You stopped having preferences because you gave other people the power to override them so many times. You become agreeable, you know, easy. The person who never causes problems, a yes. And people like you for that. But not for you, for how convenient you are. Even with like fitting in, someone's going to ask you for money. You're going to give them money. You don't want to say no to them. You know, you want to be cool. There's a massive difference between being liked and being actually known. Most people who shrink themselves their whole life are liked by a lot of people. Nobody actually knows them. There's nothing real to know. Just a mirror reflecting back whatever each person wants to see. You just end up a controllable little trying to say this in a nicer way, I guess, version of yourself. I wanted to say something different, but I it's whatever. Going along with stuff you don't care about. Pretending to be into things you're not, hiding stuff you actually love, right? You love it. And for what? So people are comfortable around you. In the one life you get, that's the trade you're making.
So when do people actually realize they've been doing this? Cuz sometimes they don't. They think it's normal. Usually it's when they're alone. It's like I said earlier, you know, nobody's watching and you catch yourself hiding something that doesn't even need to be hidden. You're doing something you love by yourself and somewhere in the back of your head, you're like, there's still this filter running. You love this game so much. Let me let me turn my privacy on Steam offline. Like, you don't want people to see you're playing this game you love. Maybe it's weird. Maybe it actually is a weird game. There's a lot of weird Steam games, but you know, but you know, like it's a normal game. Maybe like uh I don't know, War Thunder, something. Just something. You trained yourself so well. You don't even need someone around you to shrink you anymore. Or you don't need someone to tell you anything now. You you just do it on your own out of pure habit. So, it's like you can't fix something you haven't noticed yet. Noticing is the whole first step. You got to be you got to be a noticer.
Just start doing your own thing on your own time. And you probably already do that. You know, a hobby nobody knows about something a style you're trying to figure out. And you keep going until it's real enough that it doesn't need anyone's approval to exist. Until it's something you can point to and say, "This is mine and I've built this." You got really good at tennis. You got really good at this. And so for me, that's what I did. I stopped making gaming videos because people said they were bad, you know, and I believed them for a while and then I started this just me talking, being by myself. Nobody knew about it at first, you know. It's the same name, WKA, but nobody's going to look at my channel a year and a half later. When you're in middle school, high school, college, whatever. Having less than a specific amount of subs or views, you look kind of cringe. To younger people, you just look cringe. You just like, why are you doing this? It's not nothing's going to happen. Like, you're not going to be popular, bro. It ain't working. So, that's why with YouTube, I kept it private. Uh, until now. I actually, you know, built something for myself, something I can actually show off. There's really no one to tell me, you know, this [ __ ] sucks for me to care enough because it kind of pays me pretty good and I'm having fun doing it. Like, it's awesome. So, if people are just saying stuff just to say stuff, like, who gives a [ __ ] Who cares?
So, what I would say is the whole thing comes down to knowing your facts, not your feelings, your facts. What do you actually like? What do you believe in? What do you actually want? Hold those as true, no matter what anyone says. Because an opinion isn't a fact. And the moment you stop treating other people's opinions like facts, you stop giving them power to shrink you. Or in other words, you know, you stop giving two shits. You don't care. You get one life. One. Why spend it being a smaller version of yourself so other people are comfortable? Other people, right? It's not even you. The people worth being around will like the real version. And the ones who don't, you know, they were never really for you anyway. They were for the performance. And you can stop performing whenever you want. You know, like I see people that make people do some crazy [ __ ] that like really ruins their life just because that specific person wanted to fit in that group. It just doesn't make sense to me. But that's how people are. But you really want to be careful with who you're listening to and what advice they have. Just really be careful with that.
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