LOS w Ari Shaffir & Adrienne Iapalucci - Decent People Code - Episode 861

Fill her up! You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. When you hear that B blast, get a shot glass. Listen to the pod, your mom D. Big J kills them like OJ. Simps quit the famulous. Love don't H break quick by that big dick day. SMI, he all up in your ribs while he talking politics. Don't get bit when you rattle by that freaking snake. They natural for killers, bleaching escapes.

Welcome to the—oh, is my mic on? Is my mic on? Nice! Welcome to the Legion of Skanks podcast, everybody! The skanks are all here tonight. We got Davey Smith, we got the Puerto Rican rattlesnake, Lewis J. Gomez. I am Big J Oerson, and together we are the legendary Legion of Skanks! [Applause] Yes, the legendary! And little TM at the end of that. I like we're just going to let Jay do that every week, and it's going to get less and less and less of a pop.

Yeah, yeah, like the first time it got a big pop, and then this time they were like, "They're still doing that?" Yeah, people don't like new. I'm just going to go back to the old thing.

Um, we have an amazing, amazing show. Are both our guests here yet? Oh yeah! Ooh, very, very exciting! We have an amazing show for you guys with amazing guests.

Everyone, our first guest, she has a brand new special right now on Netflix called "The Dark Queen." How about you make some noise right now for the hilarious Adrien Appuchi, everybody! Do it! [Music] I love the gloves! It's a very nice look! Love, love, love on the show! Love!

Yeah, you have gloves with no fingers. Did you invent that? Hey Dave, what's up? Hers are white! She's got the white on! You guys are the yin-yang of fingerless gloves!

Yeah, yeah, we're bringing it together. Um, our second guest, everybody, I mean, how else do you introduce the president of Legion of Skanks? He has the "UB Tripping" podcast, and he's currently on his farewell tour. How about it? Show your love right now for the legend himself, Ari [Music] Shafir!

It's so funny 'cause it's so like the way they chanted is so nice. The Nazis were just so, so different the way they chanted. You can feel them smiling when they say, "And the Jews!" You hear them, you could feel them frowning.

I'll take it a step further. The only problem with the Holocaust was the delivery. Yeah, it's everything! If you try to Holocaust in a nice way, yeah, Hitler's speeches, it's just all in how you tell it, dude!

Gu came too rough with it. Yeah, it is very true. Hi! It is very true. Where have you been?

Uh, I don't know, Cuba. Oh yeah, Cuba! Yeah, Cuba! Yeah, well you look like Sam Hyde. You're going for a Sam Hyde look. Do I look like Sam Hyde?

Yeah, yeah, you do a little bit. I think it's 'cause I'm wearing a beanie. Yeah, I don't even know who that is.

Yeah, it's your beanie and your—[ __ ]—you're getting fatter also! No, it's not true! I'm getting more jacked, you [ __ ] piece of [ __ ]!

All right, that's a very Sam Hyde thing to say. That is very Sam Hyde! Goddamn! Am I doing a Sam Hyde thing?

I mean, if this guy mugs me for my headphones, I'm convinced. Very Sam Hyde-y. Uh, how are you, Adrien? New special, new special, new special!

Yeah, produced by Ari Shafir. Producer! Give me my phone! Has Ari ever done anything with your phone? [ __ ] up?

Yes! What did he do? He tweeted out, "I love black [ __ ]!" Wouldn't you do anything that wasn't true? You do love black [ __ ]!

Did he tweet anything that he didn't steal out of your drafts? He did not! That was scheduled for tomorrow!

Today's a B of the King Day Eve! Well, anyway, congratulations on the special! I've heard nothing but great things, and it's the first special that Ari was involved with that's been successful.

I mean, so that's, uh, it was close in the end. First one that made it to Netflix for sure! First one to make it to Netflix!

Yeah, they asked me about yours, Jay, but I said, "Hold!" Yeah, yeah, this has more of a YouTube vibe.

Yeah, you're not wrong! You're not wrong at all! Um, we had a couple things to talk about here. Lewis, I always love a good Lewis had a weekend story.

No, what did he do? Get along with everyone? Yeah, it was unprecedented!

Why are you that way? What? Why are you that way? Why are you acting like I've been nothing but a good friend to you ever in life?

To me? Yeah, you're the shitty friend! What? What do you mean? I called you in sport! Died to rub it in! No one else bothered to call!

I don't know what's going on. Louis's dog died, and then Ari called to rub it in, which—oh, sport died! I thought he died a long time ago!

Died a few years! Emotionally, he died! You're not over it yet?

No, I think about sport every day still! Remember when you ran away? You dating Natalie, I think? Or didn't her dog run away?

Her dog ran away! I was infuriating that relationship! Her dog ran away, and I missed the show because we had to find her dog!

I wanted that dog to be dead so badly! I was like, "If this dog—" I wonder why it didn't work out with you guys!

I was praying for the death of the dog! I was like, "I'm missing a show! This dog literally better be [ __ ]!"

Yeah, you want to find a carcass? Only, "Hey, here's your carcass! There's maggots all over it! You could probably still have them stuffed, idiot!"

Oh yeah, that was a stress factor, right? Stress factor!

Yes! Do you remember when you guys lost sport? It was like in the days where we were doing our podcast at Above Standup New York, and Sport got out of the backyard.

And Sal, Sal Vulcano at the time, which was a big deal as Lewis lost his dog. Now Sal heard the news, had the transition. He wasn't as big back then, but now he's really taking off in women swimming.

Um, back then he was on a little TV show, and so it was a big deal. So he tweeted it, "Hey, dog lost in Harlem or wherever was you living at the time on these blocks?"

And they found the dog, and so it was a big deal to have like a famous person put that out. A lot of people see it, they found the dog very quickly.

And then the next week, Lewis lost sport again! No, it was the next day, Dave! It was the next day!

Next day he got out again! And then I was like, I was like, "I could just message S, but I decided that that was too embarrassing that I would rather mourn the death of my dog than have to contact S again to post another thing."

And he got found again because S is so famous! The ad, somebody just saw him!

They saw the old ad! Yeah, yeah, they were like, "This poor guy's been out here for two and a half days!"

Was one of those findings the one where you got into it with the guy? That could be, yeah, that was one of them!

Yeah, he's been nothing but nice to you! To me? Yeah, yeah!

No, yeah! Hold on! All—no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Do you hit women? Yes! Right, answering for them! I think you do!

Wait, do I? What, do you hit women? No!

Oh, no, no, no! Not no more! Do you hit men?

Okay, uh, Ari, you, you, you, Pete me like I'm this shitty [ __ ] friend! What? Not friend!

I'm saying you're aggressive in public! But I always say you're the best friend! You're great!

But then you also pee in somebody's shampoo bottles! Yeah, you're the worst!

Strangers, you're a great friend! Came from me telling you that in real!

I know, but that's what I'm saying! You're a good friend, but then you'll also do stuff! Good friend, bad citizen!

Bad citizen! Yeah, Adrien didn't just nail it like randomly!

No, no, I told her that I did that once! That's embarrassing! You're admitting that?

No, I told it on the podcast! I tried to make it a bit on stage! Do you want me to do it for you?

Sure, please! Uh, yeah, so I didn't have a full-fledged incident, sure!

Um, but we decided we're going to do a new segment on today's show, which is called "Is Lewis Justified Being Lewis?"

Is Le—like this? Justified being—[Music]

Le, every favorite show is Louis Justified being LS! This is a new segment!

Yeah, brand new segment! Is—I mean, in a sense, it's what the whole podcast has always been about!

That has been the fundamental question! Yeah, had we known, we would have named it that instead of Legion of GS!

It's a good name for a podcast! Uh, so I'm on my flight, and I had to take Flair Airlines!

Nice! Which is Ric Flair's Airlines! It's Ric Flair's Airlines!

Instead of the announcer, just gets on the pilot, "Woooo! We're up at, uh, 64 miles! We're styling and profiling about 60,000!"

Has anyone here, by the five people sitting at a table, who have been on a lot of flights in our day, has anyone taken—nope!

I've never heard of it! Never heard of it! I never even knew it was a thing!

It wasn't even one of the cheap ones like Spirit that pops up at the top of a search! I've never heard of it!

It's Canadian Spirit! It goes to that one island there! What island?

It flies to the island, right? No, no, it's to Toronto!

Oh no, I know, but Toronto's got like an island airport too that's like—no, this was YZ!

No, this is just a Canadian airline, and it was like, uh, because Taylor Swift was in Toronto this weekend as well! It was crazy!

So you flew with her? No, I flew with—I flew!

Oh, you're like, "Hey, if you're going Tay, pick me up! Pick me up! Swing through!"

Yeah, no dude, it's like the Spirit Airlines of Canada!

Jaylor, can you get those mixed nuts I like? And, uh, because Taylor Swift was in Toronto, like every hotel and every flight was crazy!

There they are! Look! Ah, holy [ __ ]! I miss it already!

Can you go to fly those? Those are strange colors to pick!

That is pimped out! That plane crashed moments later!

So I'm on the flight! Tell me, am I justified here? I don't think being crazy!

Can you paint a picture of the flight? Like, who's on it with you? What's—what I'm saying? What are the kind of people?

A bunch of poor Canadians! What are the seats like?

It's a bunch of Pakistanis! A lot of Indians! Was it goes down? Nobody cares!

Yeah, like when you got on and you sat in your seat, is it like, "Oh, everything's worse?"

This is way worse than—not bad a Spirit! Not as bad a Spirit!

Let me ask you a comparison! Remember the flights we had when we went to Europe in between countries?

Like, not the flight from here and to there and back, but the flight from like London to [ __ ] Ireland and then New Orleans?

You remember Air Ryan? Ryan? It was just terrible! The worst! Most uncomfortable seats!

No TV! Instead of a little screen in front of you, they had like a Fanta ad!

Nice! Like it was just like European soda! Finga hands air! Just stare at that for 45 minutes!

Um, yeah, no, they don't have any of that! It's shitty! It's shitty seats!

Obviously, you know what a shitty airline's like! Do they have the border astray?

There's—yeah, there's no first class! The European version was way worse than that!

Oh God, the back—the seat backs are thin! All right, guys, it's fine! We can move on from how shitty they—it's fine!

It's most people fly shitty airlines! Everyone's going, "All right, you [ __ ] fancy assholes!"

No, that's not true! That's not true! Most people fly the major airlines!

Most people do not have an experience with this airline! Most of our fans—most of our fans are flying Spirit!

Of your fans? I don't know what you're talking about! They have a solid bus route!

Most of your fans are flying Spirit! Most of our fans are, yes!

They're hitchhiking across the country to get the skank fence! They don't [ __ ]—that's true!

Our fans HH Spirit Air! Yeah, dude, you can get on the tarmac! I think they'll pick you up!

Spirit Air, they'll pick you up! So if they'll pick you up, Spirit should offer door-to-door drop-off!

Door! Like, "We'll come somewhere within a mile of your house!"

Oh, by the way, while we're talking about this, pull up the Spirit Airline employees arguing with each other!

It's [ __ ] excellent! But we'll bring that up next 'cause it's [ __ ] perfect!

Dude, these two black chicks that work at Spirit Airlines, they're just sick of each other!

Other [ __ ] and they have a full-fledged fight in front of everybody! It's the best!

But anyway, right, so I'm on the flight, right? There's a guy sitting next to me!

I'm in a middle seat! I got this last minute! I was almost going to [ __ ] drive to Toronto 'cause flights were so expensive!

I found this flight for $1,100 on Flair Air! Middle seat!

Um, so I'm sitting in the middle seat! The guy's on the window! There's a guy next to me, and he's like, uh, um, just well-dressed!

Semi like handsome guy! Like fancy glasses! Like a nice watch!

Um, and he takes a phone call! He like just picks up a call!

Um, no, before we're in the air! Before we're in the air! We're—we're about—we're on the tarmac, like waiting to take off!

And he picks up a call, and he starts to have a full-fledged, like full-volume conversation!

I'm talking about like about his life! He's talking about how his, you know, he's going to therapy, and him and his wife are going through a breakup!

And he's trying to get over it! And I'm talking about going on and on and on and on! Full [ __ ] volume for—I give it, I would say a good three to four minutes!

And I'm kind of looking at him going like, "All right, dude! Like, real—hey, that's my story! Is this a white? You tell my story going to come on here and P off my story on other people [ __ ] goddamn play!"

Probably thought I wouldn't find you over here! Canada Spirit!

Hey, you got to be—no way! I got to be—no!

And then they start—so now I'm like, I'm just [ __ ] getting annoyed!

And then they start the overhead announcement! Like they start to do that!

So now I have him in my ear! I have an overhead announcement in French that's going!

So at one point, can I just say your veins are literally popping out! It's making me so mad!

I'm turning into Sam Hyde right now! Like, "F doggy for Flair!"

It's for Flair Air! Every time I think about Flair Air, the PPS out of my neck, dude!

Here we go! Um, so what, Jay, what would you do in this moment?

Well, was he talking on speakerphone? No, okay, that's fine!

I have my headphones on! I wouldn't notice or give a [ __ ]!

If you're on the bus, you think that's what the F stands for? It's fine!

I don't think so, Adrien! No, I'm just saying on speaker—you're right to be upset!

Yes! Yeah, speakerphone is rude!

Adrien, speakerphone is [ __ ] crazy! Speakerphone, I should violently assault him!

Well, he was white! He wasn't—it was a white person! Not speakerphone!

Obviously, he has some decency! How inappropriately loud was his volume?

That would be a funny white version of that! Like coming on with like a full volume, like boom box!

But was playing like "Sailing" by Christopher Cross or something!

What? What? It's a good tune!

He's having a full volume conversation! When I say, when you say full volume, I just—if it wasn't even talking about his problems or anything like that!

'Cause I do think if I'm on the phone on the airplane, I do think you kind of have—not a whisper, but a naturally lower voice than your normal conversation!

"Hey, what's up? I just—you make it quick! You make it quick! Quick! I can't really talk! I'm on the plane!"

Yeah, you don't have a full-fledged F conversation! You have a full-fledged [ __ ] conversation!

I have had—I’ve had conversations, but usually it was something that like needed to be discussed right before we took off 'cause I had to get it done!

But I'd always lower my voice! Certainly be a lower voice!

"Hey, be—hey, I'm on a plane! If I'm on a plane, I'm not going to take a call! I'm going to L be like, 'I'm on a plane! I'll call you back in a minute! I'll text you!'"

I have a question! Please do!

Do you think this guy thought about lowering his voice, looked at you, and thought, "No, I'm going to keep it the same?"

I started feeling—that's a good question!

I have a quick follow-up question! Does anyone in this room even kind of believe that Lewis has never been in a yelling phone call on a plane?

One! Does anyone here even kind of think that that's never happened?

I would bet I have not! I would bet I would bet I not!

And you have no proof that I have! I can tell you right now with 100% certainty that you cannot prove that I have!

Can't prove it, but you are for sure talking the pH!

It's a game of numbers, dude! You've been on too many planes!

And if someone told you to stop, you tell them to mind their own business!

That's not true! First of all, you don't know what I did!

I'm asking you what you would do! Nothing! I would—I would—Jay is extremely confrontational!

Some J maybe more confrontational than me! Jay's not confrontational, but if Jay is pushed to a confrontation, he'll go to from zero to berserk very quickly!

Jay goes too far! Yes, but he—the reason I was asking about the volume is because I want to answer what I would do!

Volume! Was it—wasn't a whisper? It wasn't trying! He was having—do it right now!

Do it! I am doing it! I'm doing! I'm projecting the way he was projecting!

Small plan! Okay, A on a small plan! And he's cursing!

He's cursing! There's children! You don't care about the children!

Selective morality is the funniest thing in the world! I don't care!

But there's something you guys seem to care about!

Yeah, Adrien, you got to get into the mind of a LS! Right?

So you're saying you don't care about the children, but his arm on the armrest!

Here's the mind of a—is forget the past! Forget anything that's been said or done before!

How do I feel right now? And it will be handled with how I feel this moment about that situation!

See, you're just to tr—put you in the mind of a Louis! You're saying, "Hey, but you don't really care about the children!"

That's not how Lou's mind goes! He doesn't know that I don't care about those children!

Exactly! The truth! He has no way of knowing I don't care!

No idea how much I care about children! Right? I don't care about children!

But he doesn't know! So he's disrespecting me and the children!

How much, dude? How much? Like this! What were you acting like this inside?

Inside, Louis, how much do I [ __ ] get you? You really that—I just know!

Really is in the mind of a Louis! That should be like—you should write a book!

I should write your book! You should write my book!

You write of all—Jay, you have the same [ __ ] mind! You [ __ ] [ __ ]!

Okay, Jay is also—

We're done with that argument! I don't think—no!

In this situation you're describing, the answer of what I would do, and I would venture to say I'm also in Jay's mind, the answer he would do is be annoyed and not say anything!

But I wouldn't even—I would just [ __ ] put my—my headphones are on!

No, no, my headphones were on too! I could hear him over my headphones!

Were you straining to hear him? No, I was listening to an audiobook!

I was listening to him in my—what book were you listening to?

What book were you listening to? A lot of people have a question about that one!

Well, it is—no, Louis is an avid reader with his ears!

And children! A book called "Daddy's Roommate Jeffrey!"

No, but that is something! Okay, 'cause when you're listening to music, I was like, "Wait, how loud would this guy have to be?"

The audiobook! I think the clear lesson from this story is you need some noise-canceling headphones!

I have noise-canceling headphones! There's no way he—the noise!

I would say listen to aggressive Norwegian death metal!

I'm not going to do that in Li of listening to 50 Cent's latest book!

I just feel I'm trying to learn how to hustle smarter and faster and harder!

Do you understand? I feel like there's so many things going on! It's just kind of like selective!

I think you wanted to be annoyed with this guy!

No, I swear to God I didn't! Because here's the thing!

I get on sometimes, and there's—I've seen people on the phone, people having conversations with each other at like a normal, like a volume!

It's like a—listen, I feel it right away when I go to a movie theater and people are talking at full volume!

And they go, and they're like, "But it's the previews!" Even when they stop for the movie, I'm like, "Don't do it for the previews either!"

You had—you had a family removed from a concert for taking videos in front of you! What are you talking about?

Oh yeah, you have been having a lot of people removed lately!

He makes a good point! I love that! Wait, when was that?

Karen approves of your [ __ ]! What are you talking about?

I'm not even being a car! I'm telling you right now, anybody who was sitting in the seat would have been [ __ ] it crazy!

I've had this happen recently! REM! I don't know what we're talking about!

At a concert recently, you talked about he tried to get people removed!

Josh Adam Myers tried to get people removed! We had them getting kicked out of the—they were all smashing into the aisle to go film!

And I got Josh all goosed up to get him kicked out of the [ __ ]! Not out of the concert!

They just got sent back to their seats! But it was pretty funny!

I just got Josh all hyped up! But no, I didn't kick a family out for [ __ ] being on their phone!

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All right, where were we? Well, I have had very recently—I was just on a flight, and it was one of those like where like I'm going on no sleep!

Just, "All right, I'm going to be able to sleep on this flight 'cause I'm that tired!"

And there was just a guy who—which I think is an insane thing that people do!

I don't know if any of you guys do this, but just makes friends with the person next to them on the flight!

You know that guy? Not just like a pleasantry when you first sit down, but it's just like, "Hey, we're going to spend this flight [ __ ] getting to know each other, man! What do we got? 4 hours and 25 minutes? Let's [ __ ] talk, dude!"

And they just talked! They were both into it!

That would annoy me, but I wouldn't say anything about that!

That's exactly—that's you, crazy! So annoy!

Well, that would be crazy to be like, "Guys, can you stop talking to each other? Your friendship is annoying!"

Be blown away how many people—I, I'm headphones the whole time!

I'm in the airport, I be—I do, whether I'm listening to something or not, just 'cause like it keeps like, uh, anyone from my talking really!

Or, um, especially when I get on the plane, I do that!

And one—I mean, maybe two or three times in my many years of flying like this, um, I will say someone tries to talk to you!

Even be beyond like you like checking out and being in your own headphones!

Were they really like first time going to wherever? You know, like, are you out of your mind?

You just got—you just got to close your eyes!

Oh, or if they wake me up for food, I'm like, "You just ruined everything about my day!"

Why have that happened with Uber drivers all the time where you're like, like my every bit of my energy is like looking down, looking into my phone, answering you with one answers!

I don't want to have this conversation!

It can go a couple ways in Ubers! You can get the Midwest white person when you're traveling around the country who wants to chat the whole time!

In New York, mostly you get the foreign guy who doesn't want to or can't talk at all!

No, or I'll tell you, but I'll tell you what! But the difficult one, the most, is the foreign guy who wants to talk the whole time, and you have a hard time understanding!

He's trying to like learn—he's trying to learn English by conversations!

Breakdown! It's the least likely to come across, but it is the worst to come across!

Is the far thick accent wants to talk the whole time!

Well, there's also one more! There's the black Uber driver that wants to play music and have their own conversation with their boyfriend or girlfriend on the phone the whole time!

That one, that one you can't say anything 'cause they'll kill you!

So you just have to take it on the [ __ ]! CH blaring music in the car!

Even if it's music I like or don't like!

First, that's my thing! I do always when there's music in the car, that's indicative of the situation!

I always Shazam it! So my Shazam is just songs from cabs!

Oh, I thought you turned into the shack! No, no, no, no!

It's just going down the line! I mean songs like, you know, remember Yahweh? Like religious F?

I mean crazy songs that I have in my thing from these C!

But when they blare their music, you're like, "You're making decision!"

I've also had blared religious talk! Just like prayer!

And oh no, no! There's like sometimes it'll be like, it'll be a Middle Eastern dude, and they're like whatever their church is!

Sounds like a terrorist meeting! It is [ __ ] CRA!

Have you ever heard like a [ __ ] I language? It's nuts, dude!

Dude, I—it does sound like a terrorist meeting! Identically!

I had this, uh, it was like a Yellow Cab driver, but like not a—who? Chinese?

No, but he—thanks F! Sorry, that took me a second!

Uh, so, but not—not a New York City Yellow Cab! It was like a, uh, a p—he was a coward!

Right there we go! We got a let yellow here! Penn Station!

Uh, in Newark, New Jersey! So you know they have those type of cabs that are like—I only understand New York City cabs!

I don't know what the [ __ ] they're doing! But so I've taken the trip from, uh, Newark home!

And I get in the Yellow Cab! I give him my address! He turns on the meter!

We start driving! Within—I mean, we haven't pulled out of the parking spot before he goes, "Sir, can I just ask you, are you on any medication?"

And I at first go like, "What did I—was I acting weird or something when I first came in? Am I on any medications?"

And I went, "No, I'm not on anything!"

And he goes, "Good, good, good! That's very good! You do not want to go on medication!"

Oh, he's want—it was a fun house mirror version of Bobby Kennedy for [ __ ] it out!

He had a thick accent! I couldn't really understand everything he was saying!

But he wasn't just like Bobby Kennedy being like, "Hey, I think this Co vaccine, this other vac!"

He was against medicine! This [ __ ] was telling me about how all of his family members and friends who he's convinced to go off their medicine!

And they sure—I look like I'm always suffering from rattlesnake venom!

He claims they—they were all immediately cured! That it was the medicine that was keeping them sick!

And this went on for my entire 45-minute drive!

Offers that to someone! Believe it! And I just—I had to spend 45 minutes going like, "Spreading the word one ride at a time!"

Can I give you—can I give you a thing, Dave? Put on headphones!

I go, "I'm so sorry! Do you mind if I—I have to, uh, answer this call?"

Yeah, and then go, "I guess go, yeah, sure, go ahead! Tell me!"

And then just do whatever you want! That's a great thing!

And just once in a while just go, "Really?" Just go back to your music or your podcast or whatever!

Dude, tell—I don't think I can pull it off!

No, that's great! Tell me is a great—you go, "Tell me everything! Leave out no detail!"

Listen, I'm in the car for 45 minutes! Long version! Long version!

I would, dude! I would play it! He goes, "An hour? Well, I got 45! If you can get it in 45, that's about how long I have in this!"

You know what? I—okay, okay, relax! Just tell me the entire thing! Don't leave anything out!

I promise I won't interrupt!

Yeah, well anyway, what I did do to this guy on the flight was, as soon as they started going over the loudspeaker in French, I was like, "Hey dude, I was like, really want to hear this French!"

Wait, what? Really want to hear this French! Please shut—no, shut you up!

Excuse—yeah, I got to hear this French version of the same announcement!

Please, sir, if you please! I need to hear s rules!

This is what I need you quiet! Not right now, please!

You say over my face before the B! Okay, all right, floating!

I am willing to H the people if they let me out!

Oh dude, [ __ ]! No, I go, I was like, "Hey dude, I was like, no, he wasn't French! He was American!"

Oh, or he might have been just like Toronto Canadian or whatever!

But I was like, I was like, "Hey man, I was like, this is a lot! I was like, you're having a very loud conversation! It's very personal!"

I was like, "I know so much about you!"

And I was like, "It was like if you could just, you know, wow!"

You went there before to go the whole thing!

I know so much about you! You're being definitely passive-aggressive!

Yes, I'm being passive-aggressive! No, no, no! He's being aggressive-aggressive!

I mean being—yeah, am I pretending to be a nice guy here?

No, I'm telling him to just shut the [ __ ] up on his phone call 'cause he's annoying me and the guy right in front of me diagonally!

He [ __ ] looked at me and went, "No!"

All right, and then you were emboldened by that!

Oh yeah, for sure! Yeah, it's like, and anybody in here thinks they're just going to talk all willy-nilly on their phones?

No, there's a new sheriff in town! Who's Who hat? Sky!

I'm actually a sky marshal!

Uh, Li, I have the people behind me!

Yeah, dude, there was one guy 'cause, yeah, this guy was being [ __ ] crazy, dude!

Okay, and so what did he say? What did he say? He said, "Oh, I'm so sorry!" and then hung up the phone!

No, really? Yeah, of course!

Oh great! Oh, but do you think you could have done with a "Hey, excuse me," and the same would have been accomplished?

I did do that! It was kind of friendly!

And then I just—as I started talking, I just—the honest truth came out!

I was like, "Dude, you know I know a lot about your life now!"

I know so much about him! He's talking about his [ __ ] relationship!

You should have given him one like, "Hey, my man, I'm sorry, but like, you're being so loud!"

I mean, that's sort of what it was! It wasn't much brought up his—no, you said you said, "I know, I know a lot about you!"

I said that, and then I kind of—I was making a joke being like, "Hey dude, I know everything about your life now!"

You know what? I got to say, I'm on [ __ ] team Lewis on this one!

Yes! Le justified being Lewis! There's something about that!

I wouldn't have said that! No one would have said that here except LS!

But there is something where even if one of us would have been like, "Hey dude, could you keep it down?"

He kind of needed to hear that! And that was a good thing for that guy to have heard!

For someone to have just been like, "Dude, you really like [ __ ] told everybody here!"

Justice! I never voted against justice!

But you know what I'm saying? And then he's like, "Why does everyone here with our own goddamn problems and now we got to hear about your whole [ __ ]?"

Well, imagine I picked up my phone and we're both having a full-fledged loud—

Which going to do? That was my plan!

I was almost going to pick up and make a call and just like loudly next to him have a conversation!

Be like, "How does this work?" [ __ ] face!

Do we both get to do this now?

One thing for sure, one thing for sure, a vote for Jay and Lewis is a vote for justice!

LS Justice Gomez! That's what the JS—I will tell you when you get it that aggressive, you're not going to do it again!

Like even that, if you got a—do you mind? Like, "Oh sure!"

You might a minute later let your voice go back up!

If you just got met with a Lewis, you're keeping your voice down!

Wait, what do you mean? No, he got off the phone, right?

I'm saying it's right, right! But he wouldn't even get back up to it!

If somebody called him back, he would be like, "Hey, I got to talk to it!"

He would just like not take it!

No, he probably literally—he dead the call!

Keeping it down! He might—he might just kept it down a little bit!

Good point! Good point! And not completely gotten off!

How was the rest of the trip? Like weird?

It was—well, there was no Wi-Fi, so I just [ __ ] shake my leg the whole time and [ __ ] stared at him!

Did he have a conversation with you with the Wi-Fi?

Like, "I can't watch things!" So I'm actually one of those friends guys that D was talking about!

So you know what? I kind of need you to talk now! I'm freaking out over here!

Why don't you download your audio about that?

Um, no, uh, it's worse, by the way! When you—I feel like nowadays when there's—when the Wi-Fi goes out, or I guess if there's no Wi-Fi, it's like worse than even back!

'Cause no one like buys a magazine anymore! No one like plans for there to not be Wi-Fi!

You're like, "That's the plan for the flight!"

100% of planes I go on, I download three best of Howard Sterns!

I put it on, and I just close my eyes and try—I know I have audiobooks!

But my pro—even I have South Park episodes! I have full episodes of [ __ ]!

I have a hard time! Audiobooks, I have a hard time sitting there and watching or listening to something!

I start to fidget, and I want to scroll!

You're a plane sleeper, though! Really? No, I can't!

Yeah, I try to sleep uncomfortably every flight I'm on the whole time, if possible!

Yeah, now imagine—now imagine there's a [ __ ] Canadian yapping full volume in your ears!

You're trying to sleep, Jay!

It's perspective of a thing! You ever hear people that really complain about—like I've never been like, "Oh God, this [ __ ] crying baby!"

'Cause like I, as parents, I think a bunch of us here, like me, you, and Dave for sure, definitely sympathize with like, "This sucks for the [ __ ] parents!"

Oh, I thought you were G to say sometimes you cry on flights!

No, no, no, no! I'm saying the idea—the idea of knowing like the parents are [ __ ] for the most part feel [ __ ] shitty!

They're embarrassed! They wish this would stop too!

Like it's so bad! And you also know that there—when I see somebody on the plane who's really shitty about the kid, like not me, like going like, you see like getting frustrated, you're like, "Dude, [ __ ] off, dude!"

Saw that! You think they're psyched about this?

Yeah, Arabic guy, he's just [Music] like huffing and puffing!

Yeah, and I loved it! I actually liked it! He was our Lewis!

You looked at him as [ __ ]! Yeah, keep going, keep going!

Bring that Mediterranean into this plane! What could you complain that situation?

Helping anything? Uh, if the parent is not doing something, tending to the baby!

[ __ ] rocket! [ __ ] put a pillow over its face!

Do what you have to do! We did—we paid full price!

You can have another s angel! Sure, sweet angel!

She's not developed a person! Go visit your sister in heaven!

Who also I tried to fly with once, dude! If, yeah, if the parent is not F, and usually, you know, I don't want to be racist, but you know that's my favorite part of the—

That's the hottest thing about I'm all year! The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice when it comes to ignoring your children when they cry!

Oh yeah, that's brutal! Just as you get darker and darker, they just stop giving a [ __ ] about the sounds of their children crying!

Why? Why they need you more? They're going to become criminals!

Look, little [ __ ] going to cry! His ears hurt, and he don't understand how to pop them!

That's pretty good, dude! It's [ __ ] wild!

Eat your biscotti biscuits and shut your mouth! Turn around!

And what? [ __ ] going to cry? Have you ever been on a plane, and you want to put your seat back, and the person behind you is like, "No!"

Well, that's crazy! No, because I tell you what!

It's in very rare occasion do I even put my seat back! I just had this debate!

I just know how to get—I—had a—didn't you and Rogan have this conversation?

Long the [ __ ] out of her chair! What do you mean? Who's leaning?

By the way, I swear to you that too! When someone does it like full back on me, and it's like I give so much at my own comfort!

I'll make sure that there's a knee in the center of their back the entire jle!

A little bit! Just give them a like fall aisle!

Listen, don't fall asleep! Sorry, I have restless life syndrome!

I'm sorry! I'm going—it's going to keep happening if you do this!

It's crazy! It's crazy! If you put your seat on my [ __ ] lap!

The decent person code! Yeah, you don't recline your seat in coach!

Decent person code was a failed pro at MTV!

To decent person! Decent person! Welcome to decent Schultz!

Yo, what's up? We're decent people over here!

Okay, and as someone who y let the military get on the plane first, help an old [ __ ] with her bags!

We're decent people! Decent people code! Decent people court!

As someone who submitted a writing packet to that show, I think I can say that in first class, I think there's nothing wrong with reclining!

Recline away if you want to! It doesn't [ __ ] with—but dude, I'll tell you why reclining all the way is shitty!

No, I don't think so! I completely disagree! I think in first class, in coach, it's an evil thing to do!

Evil person! But you also can't do anything if they do!

It's a [ __ ] up system! But there's a button on a chair!

There's a button on a chair, and they can lean back! I don't think you're in the right!

They lean back! I lean back! The same!

That's the only thing you can do! You're like, "I got to Le the—I never get—there's no society that way!"

I never get mad! Someone's got to stop it!

No, listen, Ari, if you're at a sitting concert and people in front of you are standing, are you mad at the people standing?

I just stand! I'm going to see a band called Sitting!

No, if you go to a concert, it's a sitting concert! We're doing sitting down!

And the people in front of you are standing 'cause they're enjoying themselves!

Great! I want to stand! I stand too!

Yeah, because you're like, "Yeah, then I'll stand up!"

Stand up! No, I would anyway! I'm using them as an excuse!

Got you! Yeah, that's great! It's the same thing!

All right, let's go to the audience! Guys, do you recline your chair on a flight? Clap your hands!

Trash! Trash! Bad person! Bad person!

The button! I said the button! The but these are all back!

These are all back of the plane garbage! Clap your hands! Clap your hands!

Hold on! Clap your hands if you don't recline your seat!

It's exactly splitty people! Wow! If the button exists, it exists for a reason!

I don't—I have no problem! Somebody reim—reason they have an as trade!

That's all sealed up there! If I fly—well, you shouldn't get—there's no Ash!

Not even Flair! They were—they were there until pretty recently!

They're not really there anymore! The planes where you can lay down!

Where? Where it goes down flat! Business!

Absolutely! That doesn't impede anybody!

They've made it so it doesn't impede anybody behind you!

J, this is obvious! No one's saying you can't!

When you guys are leaving your regular seat and you pass by the light all the way down, do you look for stuff to scavenge?

Like nice stuff! Ari! Ari, because I don't!

So well up there! I—because—and they leave behind!

Lou, the rest of us don't borrow our Jew money in some kind of weird [ __ ] thing that you're going to one day lay it out and buy a country or something!

Or like you—so many blankets! I have so many blankets here!

If there's a laying down part, I'm not walking past it! I'm going to lay down!

There's blankets! There's headphones! There's little pillows for your neck!

Yeah, you're taking all of like the free travel gear!

Ari has—Ari has more money than all of the people laying down in those seats!

Still trying to—absolutely!

Let me tell you something! I've made the mistake of allowing Ari to book our travel on a couple of things!

Those things are so expensive! Are you crazy?

Down! Why are you crying? I'm like, "Ari, Ari, we were going to Toronto! We were going to Toronto to do a [ __ ] sold-out theater!"

You sold—yeah, I was opening for you!

And I had to fake—we had to make it that we had to get on early because of your [ __ ] broken wrist!

We used you as the medical excuse to get on the plane early because we were in row 31!

Why would you do that to us? There's no one nearby us!

We have both of us were fine! Got a whole row! A whole row!

No middles! No middles! Whole row!

Yeah, we didn't recline either 'cause we couldn't 'cause it was against the bathroom!

Yeah, that's the best seat! Alex, can you pull up the, uh, the fight between the Spirit Airlines employees?

It really is excellent! It's pretty hardcore parkour!

These [ __ ] or the one [ __ ] is not [ __ ] taking any [ __ ] parkour!

They do! They hardcore or parkour! [ __ ] don't play!

Oh, right on the [ __ ] conveyor belt! That's embarrassing!

Let go! You ain't got—by the way, I love that this is filmed by a customer who's like, "So if you could just put the tag on it, I think it printed out right there!"

I think printed out! You just got to put the sticker part on!

Always in for some reason! No, some reason [ __ ] out of here! [ __ ] out of here!

They are at work! Wow! [ __ ] out of here!

First of all, that [ __ ] woman has the haircut of a yam!

Your ass! They're both ignoring a crying baby right now!

Holy [ __ ] dude! Wow! And you're just like, "Can you just punch my bags in, please?"

[ __ ] out of here, you dirty [ __ ]!

It looks like she got her haircut with a guillotine!

[ __ ] out of here! You and your Ry ass! [ __ ] [ __ ]!

Now, sir, give me your—go suck a dick! Go like a—that's a—like I said, I said what I said!

And you think the—she said one of my favorite things, which I'm going to use!

She said, "I'm out the one or the two!" [ __ ]!

What does that mean? You're talking to a [ __ ] three!

Uh, Louisville! Louisville Airport, please!

I guess that's a—you know what? And also, I have my ticket on my phone, so I don't need to pay for one!

Go suck another dirty dick! Another! That [ __ ] rules!

Oh, it de-escalated! Yeah, I thought it was going to—I thought it was going to come to blows!

When she pushed her and she started conveying away, that was F!

She goes, "[ __ ] take the ride!" Look, [ __ ] sit down!

Bye! By the way, by the way, that lady is so much thigh and ass that she couldn't stop!

R, she didn't want to fall! Her momentum goes y up going down!

Watch! Watch! Up! That can't help it!

She goes, "[ __ ] who you think you D, son of a [ __ ]!"

All right, regroup! What's up, [ __ ]?

Hang on! Caught a wave! Hey, what's up? DP!

Oh, undercurrent! All right, swam out of it! [ __ ] say it again!

This is like the, uh, say again with your [ __ ] five head!

This is like the ghetto version of I Love Lucy where they're making the chocolates!

'Cause they're doing nothing! Hell yeah, dude! Damn, man!

It's come be Bel! I wish an actual fight, though! I was hoping for a fight!

No, that was great! That was kind of a letdown!

You said fight! It was more of a—it was more of a dust-up!

Yeah, I mean, I wonder what the end result—do you think they got fired?

The end result? Nice, dude! Core values! We'll never forget!

We'll never forget! Um, Adrien, are you wearing a Madonna glove?

No, we're all wearing Madonna gloves, dude! This is honor of Jay!

Oh, that's nice! We're going to dress you up in our love all over your body!

KZ, have a stick a gun in someone's butt! Hell yeah!

Yeah, this guy right here loves it! Happens! Could happen!

I didn't love it! I let go of it at one point, and his ass accepted it completely!

It held it without my holding it! That means your ass is nice and tight!

That's good! Yeah, dude, like a [ __ ] nickel!

I promise you, if I [ __ ] your butt, dude, I'd come so fast! You're so tight!

Hell yeah! Well, I don't think that my ass is tight!

I think that my ass has a good sort of suction sort of quality to it!

No, dude, the ring snaps down real nice!

No, it's air! It's air being pulled into my [ __ ]!

You just put your finger on my ass! You have a [ __ ] tight ass!

No, I don't! Why are you fighting this?

No, no, wait! So you're arguing it's not tight, it's just strong!

It has a good suction! Good suction! Your ass one!

It swallowed that gun! And two, and once it had it, it didn't want to let go!

That when I let go! Sounds like R&B lyrics!

Yeah, absolutely! One, it swallowed that gun! Two, it didn't want to let go!

Girl, that time I put that gun in someone's ass!

I couldn't believe it! And I just get scared! Scared that I'm going to lose somebody!

Like you don't let—don't we come to the end, girl!

When I put that gun in your ass! This game, girl!

That gun, the way you held that gun in there without my hands!

Oh my God! I never met a body more accepting of foreign objects in my life!

Oh man! And I just get scared that I'm going to lose you!

R&B is so stupid! Well, the talking guy was always the best, dude!

Is there—is there a YouTube video of the best talk UPS in R&B?

When they go, "Girl, when you left that one time, I was talking in music!"

It's hilarious in general! He goes, "Look, I know I left those bruises on your arm from the time I grabbed you real hard!

Don't tell your mama! She's going to make it a whole thing!

Then I'm have to get my [ __ ] and come over to your house and shoot it up!

Just come back, or else, girl! Come back, or else!

Don't let—don't let go, girl! Don't make me do something crazy!

I don't want to have to take your whole family out!

I already killed your cousin 'cause you threatened to leave that one time!

You wanted to be your mama next, girl! That baby ain't even mine!

You out there hoing around! Oh my life, I pray for someone like you, girl!

I only hit you a few times, but when you really [ __ ] up, thank God!

Just do the laundry when I say that I finally found you!

There was a great video of like, uh, do you know Blueface and Cran Rockar?

They're their influencer people who they're an abusive couple who fight constantly on social media!

He's in prison now! What? But I guess it got exposed that she had mental issues!

And, uh, so on World Star Hip Hop, there was a video!

It's like, "Look how [ __ ] up this guy treats this lady!"

Now knowing what the mental issue she has, and it's just him constantly telling her she's stupid and fat and ugly!

And just so mean to her! Like, I don't even know if you need any mental issues to see this is not really nice to do to somebody!

He's like, "Yeah, you a dumb [ __ ] ho 'cause you dumb as [ __ ]!"

He just on film! It's wild!

I mean, if you know cameras are filming you, dial back your abuse a little, right, Louis?

I mean, if he's doing it on camera, imagine what he's doing when he's not!

That's what I'm saying! She's like, "No, no, no, no! Keep filming! Y'all, this is fine! This is funny! This is funny! Don't get crazy! Don't stop filming!"

Just super mean! They were on film! It's pretty wild!

But that's like their thing! Is it like—is it a—I guess stuck?

You're not stuck with me! I'm not stuck with you at all!

No, stuck with a child! B! What have I ever done to you?

Let's see your answers! Guarantee your list does nowhere near Max my list!

You're ver—you're verbally abusive! You're financially abusive!

Ver abusive! My money isir! What money?

And then you say, "I don't have any money!" You don't have any money!

So we ain't recruit no money! We a make no money!

He's definitely just taking all of her money! 100%!

All right, what would make you think this guy's in jail now for a while?

What do you do? Go to jail? What makes you—I don't know!

What makes you think? We have money besides the seven cameras in this car!

Seven! Whatever the car! We're driving a G wagon!

Yeah, it's like wild! Like they have for sure he's got money!

I have an employee working as we're having this! Keep playing that video!

Gets meaner! Nice! I don't even know who these people are!

I don't even know what they're saying! There, they are!

You're actually—you’re actually racist! Oh, I'm sorry!

Those are just my senses telling me that there's danger!

Yeah, no, they're just on the screen, Dave! They're not going to hurt you!

DA's like a dog who thinks it's really happening on the screen!

Are these people? Oh God! That—that tooth gap!

These comments are great! Bro, what? WTF? In jail? OMG!

Put him in jail! All caps! Go play it!

Heria! Yo, I didn't even know! I didn't even know!

That's—I'm thinking he's popping [ __ ] about CPS!

I—this [ __ ] needs to get a speech therapist! What is she saying?

Oh no! She talks like a—why would you post my son?

Bck picture, blue! I can't understand the writing or what she say!

She said, "Why would you post my son? Why would you post my son's pict?"

Yeah, yelling in that baby face! By the way, girl, get off live and go to the police!

Why would you do that? Pause it for a second!

Get the baby the doctor! Pause it for a second!

So hold on! Wait a minute! It's a baby!

What context did he post just a naked picture of a baby?

No, I think he said he's got a hernia or something!

He said, "Look at this baby dick!"

Yeah, well, a hernia, I guess his balls got big or something!

He thought that was a doctor on live! I don't know!

See if you can find what that story is without the pict!

This is one step down from Real Wives of anything!

Step down! It's many steps down! One barely St!

But far more interesting! I think you can find compilations of videos of them physically AB!

Like, like punching each other!

I think—I think Ari's point is that the only difference in class is money!

Like Real Housewives, you take away their money, and they're that!

They're just basically think they have money too!

She doesn't! This is like money! Her teeth fixed!

There’s a world of like streamers that I don't even know who they are!

Where they have like Lamborghinis and [ __ ]! They crash them!

And they all [ __ ] do crazy [ __ ]! I think they got Trump elected!

There's that one kid, that Jack dck Jack!

He crashed—he crashed the Lamborghini! Got—and he was like, "Dude, my car!"

His friend has to be pulled out from like the jaws of bleeding!

Yeah! Oh man, my car!

J, do you know what he got famous for?

This kid got famous for he would walk around the mall, and then he'd like shoulder bump you, right?

And he'd be like, "What the [ __ ]?"

He's like some punk ass kid! He looks like a 14-year-old kid!

You're like, "Yeah, what the [ __ ]?"

And then a big black bouncer would jump in and like go threaten the guy!

Yeah, threaten the guy! Came—you have to literally just take it on the chin in front of your girlfriend!

Or get your ass beat by his big black bouncer!

Oh, it's making me angry as I think about it!

He's a piece of [ __ ]! It scratches!

I hate a [ __ ] little [ __ ] 14-year-old!

I hate black people! It's like everything that I hate coming at me at once!

These people—these two are just in that world!

They're in that world like doing like goofy, like crazy thing!

That's so like infuriating about it is that you're like something between my time of the '80s and '90s to now!

Something failed in the world where you're just like—it's like first off, you're like, "Oh, you watch!"

And that guy can't do anything 'cause this gigantic bouncer is now in his [ __ ] face!

By guy, what he said, he was black! He was black!

Should be! No, all right! We're all just saying the same thing three different ways!

And then you're—but not only that, but then that kid, you're like, "Okay, but inside of every man is that you're ashamed of yourself right now!"

Right? Like you're like, "Think nothing would make you feel like more of a [ __ ]!"

And if you just started a someone else had the reason it's going, "Listen, the reason it's going viral is because he's a little [ __ ]!"

And everybody's being like, "We hate this kid! Let's share it!"

And it's just cash for him! So he's no—I understand sess!

He remes that! That's my point!

I'm saying that failed in society where somehow at least the thing that brought—not embarrass being a [ __ ]!

What brought all dudes together when I was a kid was that no one would ever do that!

Nobody wants to be a [ __ ]! Yes!

Because you'd feel bad about being a [ __ ]!

Like honestly, if we—before the internet, being a [ __ ] was just the worst thing you could be!

You could be—you could be a non—you could be a non-combative person!

That's exactly right, dude! That was it!

That was the closest to like going viral and getting canel when everyone saw you be a [ __ ]!

Yes! Ruin DMX's career!

You could be a non-combative person, but you—you don't want to be publicly a [ __ ]!

Yeah, you know what I'm saying? You could be a person who was like, "Yeah, I'm not like an idiot!"

But like also like not be a [ __ ]!

And, uh, yeah, these things were like very much like, "I'm a [ __ ]!"

But watch me! Like I'll start—I'm a [ __ ] with money!

It was just the opposite of the ethics of when I was a kid!

That age where first off, like people were embarrassed if they had money!

You kind of felt like that was—I don't know! It wasn't like a cool thing!

Hey, my dad has or something like that!

And also, you just didn't want to be like a total [ __ ]!

And even if you weren't like the toughest person ever, you didn't want—you wouldn't advert that you're a [ __ ]!

[ __ ] that to start a fight and then run behind a bigger dude!

It's just [ __ ] bananas! That's what he paid him with!

And nice! Nice! That guy got a lot of bananas that day!

I'm very racist today! I don't know why!

By the way, L is on fire today on this podcast!

I've had four different moments where I was like, "Louis, you should just—you should do that in your act!"

That was just great! That in bananas!

That's [ __ ]! By the way, I did that to some guy!

Some guy was leaving New York Comedy Club Bas, and there he was like bitching about what just happened!

I took some popcorn, and I just threw it right into his face!

The bounce was in between us!

Yeah, that's right! You are that kid!

All right! Yeah, imagine if like a massive bounc of here, and I was like—and he was like, like what they did is mistreated me!

And I just go, "Nope! Popcorn!"

The lightest bounc off, and he goes, "What the [ __ ]? Am I beat it for real?"

And he goes, "Oh, you say that bouncer wasn't there!"

And I was like, "Correct!"

Yeah, I said, "Beat it!"

Oh, Ari, that you were doing this kid before him!

Do you have, uh, Alex or Mike? Were you guys able to find a thing of like them like abusing each other physically?

Did we find out what was the story behind, uh, TW?

What is it? Posting the kids making picture or whatever?

Yeah, it says here the baby eventually underwent successful hernia surgery!

And where's that? And where's that penis?

It worked out! Okay, America! It's a good community!

We discussed this! You can't start silent applause breaks with those gloves!

You got to choose one! Applause breaks or gloves!

No, they see it! They see it! They know!

Now you got the audio listeners don't know what's happening!

They think it's people start clapping! It's—or can't do with those nails!

The people just watching at home are like, "It seems like he's bringing his hands very close together, but it's unclear whether they're connecting!"

The nails help the clap!

Uh, real quick while before while Alex was looking up!

See if we could find some physical altercations between those kind black people!

Why don't we do rock and blue face?

Why don't we do plugs real quick? Abely!

Oh, I met some guy wearing an Ari chair for president shirt on the Jersey Turnpike!

I was wearing this shirt! Sick! Nice!

R! Hell yeah for president! Ari, give your plugs, buddy!

Uh, I'm going to be on the road! Pittsburgh, Providence, Denver, Atlanta, Seattle, Portland, C, Edmonton, and Vancouver!

And many of those, Adrien will be joining with me! The Dark Queen!

Pittsburgh, Providence! Where you else going to be?

Shamberg, Illinois! Where else going to be with me?

Portland, Atlanta! Yep! Do the last ones too!

Yeah, I'll be at Hilarities in January! Go watch The Dark—no, no, I'm not done yet!

And I also just produced my third standup comedy special!

Yeah, it's on Netflix right now! It's called The Dark Queen!

I helped make it! It's out there right now!

And, uh, I'm really proud of it! Everybody go watch it on Netflix!

Watch it till the end! Press play! And then watch it!

And then, uh, it helps! Leave it! Let it play! Algorithm!

Tell your friends! And when you're done, just replay it!

And go to bed! Just replay it! Go to bed!

Play it on another device! Play on mute!

Uh, Adrien, go watch The Dark Queen! Hell yeah!

Adrien, genuinely one of the funniest comics on the planet!

Unquestionably! For as long as I've known you! Absolutely!

For as long as I've known you! Coming very deserved and very excited for you!

Dark [ __ ] up material! Just evil [ __ ]! Twisted [ __ ]!

So, uh, go support Adrien! She [ __ ] rules!

Um, produced by RN! Lou directed! Directed!

Wow! Looks so good! The [ __ ] jokes were so [ __ ] good!

It's amazing! Uh, live dates for me! Go to Lewisofskank.com!

Uh, we sold out Story Wars in Philly! So I think you can get in on standby for that!

If you guys want to come to the Philly Story Wars, which will be fun!

The day before Thanksgiving, L will be going on the early show too!

Yeah, yeah! Come [ __ ] hang out! If you guys are in the area, Wednesday night show!

Uh, I'll be doing some stand-up as well! Really excited!

Then, uh, we're at the Gry Theater on, uh, the regs!

We're doing one night only our Christmas show at the Garity Theater!

700 PM! Me, Bobby, Cy, Joe List, Dan Soder on December 11th!

One night only! It's going to be a goddamn blast!

Then I'm headlining the Dojo Comedy in Wars Plains, New Jersey on, uh, December 12th!

Then I got EMS Theater on December 13th!

Creek and Cave December 20th through 22nd in Austin, Texas!

And, uh, we did also sell out all of those New Jersey New Year's Eve shows!

But try to get on standby if you guys can come hang out!

Also, after the ball drops, we're going to be hanging out at the bar over by Dojo!

So if you guys can't get tickets, at least come party with us on New Year's Eve!

It's going to be a goddamn blast! Brand new tour I'm putting together for 2025!

To bring five friends tour! So make sure you bring five friends this time!

And, uh, come see me on the road! It's going to be a blast!

We're going to sell these shows out! And, uh, love!

Yeah, thank you! That's really funny, dude!

That is—that's the name of the—that's so funny, dude!

Go to LSoS.com! Check out all my other podcasts!

That's the best tour name I've ever heard! Heard the Lewis and Zach show!

The RS Story Wars, obviously, right here on the Gas Digital Network!

And subscribe to Gas Digital! You get a bonus episode of Legion of Ganks on Friday nights!

Subscribe! Use the promo code LSoS! Get a 14-day free trial!

You get uncensored episodes! You get bonus episodes! All that good stuff!

It's the number one way you can support this show is by subscribing to GasDigital.com!

Davey! Oh, uh, I'm, uh, I'm not traveling for the rest of the year!

Uh, but in January, I'm back out on the road!

I will be on the Bring Your Wife Who's Not That Into What I Do tour!

Uh, seems to be what I accomplished last year and trying to recreate that again!

Uh, I got a bunch of stuff coming up in 2025!

Um, I'll be at, uh, Bozeman, Montana, Key West, Houston, Boston, Chicago!

I got, uh, Nashville, Denver, a bunch of stuff!

A few of them aren't up yet on the website, but they should be up by the end of the week!

Um, but I'll be coming all over in 2025! So come check me out there!

ComicDaveSmith.com for ticket links!

And, um, part of the problem.com for my other podcast!

And then I did, uh, Pierce Morgan today! If you want to go check that out!

It just came out, I think, right before the show started!

Um, it was—tell them it was the Jerry Springer of politics!

Like it always is at Pierce Morgan! It's just a debate on the war on Aza!

And then a fat chick slams a pie in someone's face!

And it's—I think we figured some [ __ ] out today! It was a good time!

A girl shows her titties! A security guard throws a charitable!

Hey, on the people! When they fight on camera, do they afterwards do they just talk normal?

Uh, it depends on who the people are! Sometimes I've had that happen before!

I've had people like fight on—I had a lovely conversation with a guy!

Um, uh, when we did Pierce Morgan in the green room!

And then we went out on stage, and it was just a totally different person!

Like, what the [ __ ]? But then there's some people who will hate you on camera, and then off camera, they hate you too!

That's nice! You respect it! Like, all right, keep it consistent!

Continuity! Big J!

Uh, bigjcomedy.com for all my dates, everybody!

Big J Oerson, Peter North American tour coming to a city near you!

I could already see the logo! There's a big load with all the dates in it!

Uh, Philadelphia, I'm coming home Thanksgiving weekend, everybody!

There's, uh, of course, the Story Awards is already sold out!

But, uh, there's T! Some tickets available for the other shows, everyone!

They're going to sell out! It's Philly, everybody!

We're coming home Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday that weekend!

Uh, this weekend coming up, Houston Improv! Come check me out!

It's, uh, moved! It's only going to be Saturday and Sunday!

Uh, I got a little acting thing I got to do on Friday now!

Actor Jay! What are you doing? Jay, you doing Tires?

Tires! Nice! Yeah! Woo!

Uh, hell yeah! I hope your part requires one color of hair!

They have to do or they have to make me shave my beard! I'll just leave!

Uh, my—the day after my birthday, everybody!

I'm doing, uh, one show or two! Sorry, two shows! One night!

Stanford, Connecticut! Come check out! It's going to be a lot of fun!

After that, St. Louis! Helium! I'm all over the place, everybody!

Look for a city near you! Big J Oerson, Peter North American tour coming to a city near you!

Coming, coming, coming!

Um, of course, everybody, get a load of this tour!

Hell yeah! The Bonfire! Five days a week!

Faction Talk, Series XM 103 with me and the great Robert Kelly

Arrested for like drunk driving a boat. See if you can find this video. The cops are like, "All right, we're going to arrest you." And he's like, "We're just going to give your phone to your girlfriend." And he's like, "I refuse that." And the breathalyzer, "I'm not doing either. Okay, this can only ruin my life. Give your girlfriend your phone."

He starts spin kicking cops. "Yeah, oh no, my phone just got thrown deep into the..." He jumps in the water to evade arrest. "No, I swear to God, dude, that is kind of brilliant. He needs someone out of jail now. Look, I am looking at 5 to 7 years now. Turns out that's a pretty big crime. It was pretty wild."

Alex, did you find that or no? It's fine, maybe you can't.

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All right, let's get back into it. We also had Gay Blind Mike. Because we were not fight analysts, we didn't want to spend a lot of time talking about the Mike Tyson fight. Not analyze, but we figured Gay Blind Mike would be a good person to break down the fight for us, and we could see his analysis of the fight considering he's blind.

That's not bad. So, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, a sign for Gay Blind Mike Tyson.

"Hey, Gab, my Mike Tyson, how's it going? I see you got a tattoo on your face. You got the Mike Tyson. Is that real?"

"Yeah, it's real. You know, life is beautiful."

"I like you don't have enough face for Mike Tyson's eye tattoo."

"Well, you know, it doesn't work, so I had to accentuate it."

I like the fact that he's doing this in character. I'm not sure how I feel about it. He's doing Tyson. I didn't know what the f*** he was doing.

"Really?"

"Yeah, oh, Ari just thought he got a little bit more since last time. That's it."

"He's so blind he can't talk right. I remember him being a little different."

So, Gab Blind Mike, did you watch the Mike Tyson fight, Jake Paul fight?

"I watched a little bit of it."

"How are you going to break down the fight if you didn't even watch it?"

"A little bit of it. I saw some of the fight."

"Yeah, nice. So what did you think about the fight? Give us the breakdown. Give us the overall analysis."

"Well, I thought that Jake Paul kind of telegraphed his punches in a way that I was proud that he didn't really..."

"You didn't watch any of this fight, did you? You piece of s***."

"I'm starting to think this guy can't even see. He just had his nose pressed up against the screen."

"He goes, 'It was a very bright fight.'"

"Hey, Gay Blind Mike Tyson, we all know that the takeaway from this fight is that 60-year-olds aren't supposed to compete."

"I'm sorry, Ari, it's just the trip."

"Yeah, Ari, get your aspirations of MMA out of your f***ing head. You can still put out great comedy specials."

"It's, uh, I fall for it every time, though. I fall for the hype of Mike Tyson, Roy Jones, but I let myself fall for it. I thought that was great."

"I let myself fall for it. I want to be excited."

"I can imagine Jay, you're like in the nail salon. The girls are talking. Everyone's like, 'Who is going to win this weekend?' Everyone's gabbing, everybody's talking about it."

"I know you. You like to talk to all your fighting friends on the phone while you're painting your own nails at home, you f***ing fruit bag."

"Well, actually, actually, my niece painted my nails."

"Yeah, yeah, she did a terrible job."

"Yeah, but it's free."

"I know, that's why I molested her."

"Oh, I was like, if you're not going to paint my nails right, you're going to f***ing deal."

"Not full penny, just over the pants."

"She got it."

"No, you just feel her, but she got it. She understood."

"Dude, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, his nails are going to be right next week. I can tell."

"Oh, I can't have a little f***ing truth on the show every once in a while."

"L, speak your truth."

"All right, listen, a lot. We all had our feeling about the fight. I will say I talked to Lewis before the fight, and you know Lewis has been, he's done a lot of boxing training over the last couple of years."

"I was like, I don't know, Mike Tyson looks pretty good hitting those pads."

"And Lewis was like, 'Yeah, dude, hitting.' He goes, 'Look at that video. It's four seconds long and showing that same video over again.' He goes, 'This means nothing. He goes, a 60-year-old can't fight. He's going to go out there and get f***ed.'"

"And it turns out he lost his balance."

"Yeah, that was maybe a good point that Lewis was making. Maybe he understands it, but Lewis isn't a technical expert."

"So for that, Gab Blind Mike Tyson, tell us technically what was going on out there. What were you seeing?"

"Well, you know, technically this is about exacting justice as you would with someone who is talking on their phone on a plane. But at the end of the day, there's no technical ability of someone that old."

"We got to give this kid a script."

"No, he's got improv, dude. He's good. He's got this."

"Yes, and can we see some highlights? Maybe he can break down the highlights and tell us what we're seeing in real time."

"There you go, that's maybe a good idea."

"You know what? It's not a script so much. Maybe we should have planned the bit a little bit better."

"It is, I swear to God, I just had a moment where I go, he's not doing at all what I had in mind."

"But you're like, maybe I should have been more specific that we didn't plan it any more than Mike Tyson tattoo on his face."

"You'll be, I'll tell you, I thought it would be funny to have someone who couldn't see tell us what happened in that fight."

"That's what it sounded like it was going to be, but then now it's a version of Mike Tyson here."

"Well, then Alex said, wouldn't it be funny to call him Gab Blind Mike Tyson?"

"I went, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life."

"I've never met somebody with as much sight as Mike has that couldn't look more blind."

"When you see him, it looks like he was..."

"Pause it for a second. It doesn't look like he's blind."

"Pause it for a second. It doesn't look like he's blind. It looks like some sort of animal just sprayed their venom in his eyes."

"Like he looks like his eyes are in pain at all times."

"I'm telling you, if you just go, this guy's completely blind, you go, sure he is. Look at his face, he's smiling, and he doesn't have no idea what's going on."

"No, his eyes look like they belong to two people who can see, but then they were mix-matched onto his face."

"Oh, they found him on the side of the road."

"Go, I'm sorry, your breakdown, your analysis. Let's get some footage up."

"It looks like it's like somebody poured bleach directly in his eyes."

"One minute ago, that's absolutely it. It looks like you were like, go out there now."

"He's like, yeah, it looks like somebody you kidnapped escaped by throwing bleach in your eyes."

"And right away, and you're smiling awkwardly because you're panicked. They're going to go to the cops and be able to identify you, and you're also trying to act like you don't have bleach in your eyes."

"Yeah, also, how is your lip split already? You're not the one fighting."

"Oh, that's a thing that happens to like f***ing just weird people. They get split lips when the weather gets a little cold."

"Really? Never heard of a split lip."

"You never seen a little skinny weirdo with a split lip?"

"No, this is the first one."

"I feel like anybody who doesn't really put chapstick on or moisturize their lips..."

"I never use chapstick, very rarely."

"You've never in your life got a split lip?"

"Who, cheap now, Jay? Who's cheap now, Dave?"

"Yeah, the jeice."

"I, uh, what's the common denominator here, though, Ari? I'm going to buy chapstick when I can make my own."

"See, that was a little more in between. That wasn't like, aw, like a smiling Jew. That was like a Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, cheap f***ing Jew."

"All right, uh, all right, so good. You could play some of this, Mike, your analysis, please."

"Analysis, what is Tyson doing wrong?"

"Well, he's giving too much room there. He's not given enough room."

"Okay, now a little bit too, now it's just the right amount of room."

"Oh my God, by m, so bad."

"Well, the gloves are heavier, so you also have to be able to kind of consider that."

"Heavier than what? Normal gloves? They’re 14-ounce gloves."

"This is just awful."

"Okay, yeah, this was bad."

"I have a question for you. Who's one of the sponsors of this monster?"

"Nope, name another one."

"Are we monsters for doing this to you?"

"Any sponsor, any sponsor you can name of this event?"

"Just read any of those."

"Is this a capture?"

"No, Ari will give you $500 per sponsor that you can read."

"Sponsor, there got to be a sponsor."

"You can't read any of their names on the ropes. There's got to be one."

"Really blind?"

"Yeah, he's really blind."

"Well, he's like legally blind."

"You can't, there's four choices."

"There are so many. Can you not make out like the logo of one you might recognize or read out loud? Name a company, maybe you'll get it."

"Gay Blind Mike?"

"Draft Kings."

"Yeah, oh my God, did he pull Draft Kings out of his ass?"

"He did, unbelievable. Pay him his $500."

"Ari, I never said I'd give him the $500."

"Let's see what I said."

"You would give him the $500. Come on, what do you got on you? Give him five ones."

"No idea."

"There it is, dude. Three Chris Pundo. Look at that."

"Wow, look at that. Don't mush it up into your face and just trust."

"How much is that?"

"How is that $200?"

"$200,000."

"Thank you, thank you, sir."

"$200, does that go towards your..."

"Huh? How does this kid get here?"

"I swear to you, I mean this. I believed I dropped him off before. I dropped him off one time, and then when I took him to the place, he started walking the opposite direction."

"I assume everywhere he gets to is a series of Mr. Meo-like happenstance."

"Yeah, like he's walking onto like a girder, and then the girder gets taken up by a crane, then he walks into an open window, and then eventually he just slides down like a wood plank into his bedroom."

"Go, is what I picture happens every time I say or else I'll panic about him, and I'll need him to call me all the time, let me know he's safe."

"So I have to assume God, he's just in God's hands, and God just f***ing teacups him all the way back home somehow."

"That's beautiful."

"Thank you."

"So anyway, final takeaway from this fight, Gay Blind Mike Tyson, what do you think? Should Jake Paul fight next? What do you say?"

"He should try to find someone and fight them who's actually his age."

"Nice, all right, hell yeah, cutting commentary. You heard it here first, everybody. Pick on someone your own age is something they used to say."

"Pick on someone your own age. Pick on someone your own seeing ability."

"Yeah, you heard it here. Oh, a gay blind fight with Gay Blind Mike. Would you fight somebody? Would you fight another gay blind person if we set it up?"

"How about Gay Blind f***? And you find a blind Jewish person?"

"That is a fun play on that. Gay Blind Kik, you can find a gay blind f***. That would rule."

"PA should Fala Harris. Could we make you guys fight with rock socks, fight the inflatable gloves?"

"She's free."

"You say you'd do it with headgear?"

"Possibly."

"What? I just, just blind."

"We can about blind."

"I have to protect my eyes."

"We don't even need, hold on, we don't even..."

"You have to protect your eyes? They don't even work."

"Get out of here, dude, just get out of here."

"Protect your ears, Mike."

"Mike, you can wear Beats headphones and ski goggles for all I give a f***. I just want you swinging out there wild against somebody where you guys are the wrong direction."

"Complete, dude, complete sensory deprivation."

"We f***ing put on noise-canceling headphones, blindfolds. It is like you're fighting in complete dark and silence, and it's just two guys."

"And then at, it's worth it, Mike, bring up blind football. It's my favorite internet clip of all time, dude, please."

"It's blind football. Come on, you've never seen this? This is the greatest thing I've ever seen."

"Shane Gill showed me this years ago. It's maybe the best clip on the internet. I look at it at least once a month still."

"This, the second one? No, wait, wait, wait."

"Y, no, get off."

"Yep, Y, no, not that one. It is, it is, that's the video, but it's guys got, he gets owned."

"Go back to the video. I'll show you which one. Keep going."

"There, there, 48 seconds. There you go."

"What the f*** is going on?"

"Yeah, this is the best thing ever. Turn the volume up."

"It's that kind of confidence."

"Fun thing ever."

"It's that kind of confidence that he just made the team. He just tried out and made the, you know how I can't see, and a lot of people think that a blind person can't play football."

"Courageous."

"Young girl, has he hit his mouth? He hit his mouth."

"What the f*** is going on?"

"[Laughter] going, dude, sign me up."

"The funniest video on the internet ever."

"What the f*** is going on?"

"What the f*** is going on? He just runs right through the line."

"No, just he's trying to follow the sound to tackle somebody."

"Shane Gill showed me that years ago. It's my favorite thing ever on the internet."

"What the f*** is going on?"

"Crying, it's one of the funniest P I've ever seen."

"They go, a lot of people say blind people can't play football."

"Yeah, everyone, everyone agrees on that. Midgets can't play NBA. There's just things, man, there's limitations in the world."

"Why do people not accept that?"

"Yeah, he just goes through. He's just feeling air for nothing. He'll tackle whatever's in front of him."

"God damn it, that's funny s***."

"G, I'm like, is that how life feels for you? Just walls all the time? You get out of bed every day, it's like, what the f*** is going on?"

"All right, time to go get coffee. My first adventure of the day."

"All right, wall, wall, wall. All right, end of stairs. Okay, woo, all right, first door, nailed it. Oh, second door, God damn it, this tricky son of a b****."

"Every activity is a dangerous adventure."

"Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry. Let me just warm up some eggs."

"I mean, being blind, you're just crossing the street, you're like, I could die."

"Bacon, egg, and cheese, please."

"This is an Ace Hardware. God damn it, f*** me running."

"Can I get some mouse traps? I don't know, I think I have mice or it's my cat's f***."

"Why don't you have a cane, bro?"

"Mike, what's the hardest thing to do in a day for you?"

"The hardest, hardest part of your day?"

"Seeing."

"I have to assume that's because of the sight."

"Oh, probably cooking."

"I'm terrible at cooking."

"You're terrible at cooking? What's the worst thing that's ever..."

"The fire's over here, and you just got the pan over a f***ing..."

"Follow warmer, warmer, fer folder."

"I had the fire over here."

"My P's over here."

"He like, oh, I lit my mom on fire again."

"What's the worst thing ever happened cooking?"

"I've definitely set some fire alarms off in my day."

"Cooking chicken?"

"Cooking chicken."

"Mhm, is that the only thing you can cook?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"But why did the fire alarm go off? You just couldn't tell?"

"Why did your sight have to make that a situation? You were just like, I don't know if it's done until the alarm tells me."

"Was also his ear, his ears are super sensitive, so he was like, ah."

"Yeah, you're telling me that you f***ed up on what the rest of us just smell."

"That's funny because I burned chicken, the alarm went off, my nose started bleeding."

"Well, we love you, dude. Why don't you have a cane?"

"Thank you, we love Gab. He's the man, dude. He's always down to f***."

"Gay Blind Mike is a part of this now."

"I'm here to say, of all the people that have ever worked for both Gas Digital and Legion of Skanks specifically, he's the biggest overachiever."

"Thank you."

"I don't think that's a compliment."

"Wait, now it's undeniable."

"No, oh no, no, that was a dig at you guys."

"But that is you, BL Mike's gotten laid since he's been a part of this show. Things are going all right."

"Also, I just realized when you just swallowed, I just realized how large your Adam's apple is."

"That's crazy, dude. Can you gulp again?"

"How hard do you get extra?"

"Oh yeah, Mike, you had a good run. You got to pee on some girls."

"All the blood that doesn't go to my eyes."

"How old is this kid?"

"This is so gross."

"He's 14 years old."

"Adri, stop f***ing."

"Stop, he's a grown man according to Jewish law."

"Shai law."

"Well, we love you, Gab. You could hang out with us for a little while longer."

"I think you should just sit there. It's dangerous for you to go anywhere else."

"I think it's great. This smoke break is brought to you by YoDelta.com, the official getting high sponsor of the Gas Digital Network."

"H, this is very funny. Dave told us this."

"Oh yeah, this was so f***ing funny to me and such a hilarious awkward moment."

"I mean, it's your story, so why don't you tell it?"

"Well, it's still, all right, I'm still in the height of this awkward moment. It's still happening right now, which is, I don't know if this, if me talking about it is going to relieve it or make it a lot more awkward."

"Oh, I, but, uh, all right, so fine, fine, I'll tell the story."

"Okay, so it starts like this now. Okay, this was at Skankfest, which by the way, for anyone who's been or anyone who's performed there, and this is the truth, we all know this, Skankfest is a magical place."

"Now, I know a lot of people who watch it at home think it's just Ari taking a f*** in front of people."

"Allegedly, much allegedly, that didn't really happen. It was chocolate."

"But I really mean this, and I think it's important to say to kind of understand the background of the story. Skankfest is kind of a magical, there is something about it that is really cool, and when you're there, you're kind of like, at least from my perspective, like kind of, I'm kind of in awe that this thing really came together the way it did."

"You know, I'm not in any way the creator of Skankfest. It's Lewis and Rebecca and Christine who do it, mostly Ari, but those three are involved."

"But it's just like an amazing thing that we, you know, you watched it come from nothing to being this, and everyone's having so much fun, and so there's like a vibe to SK."

"Your people bless us with the great weather that we have for every year."

"So every year, I, that is, we do what we can."

"So it's me, Ari, and half of Jay."

"You guys are Jewy, that's who's responsible for the weather."

"So anyway, so we also, one of the regular things we've had for today, by the way, is we have Chris, who CHR Rogers, Chris Rogers is an artist, and he does uhen, he's an unbelievable artist."

"People will know him because he's the Kill Tony artist who paints the portrait on Kill Tony every week."

"Great artist. In fact, sh, pull up Chris Rogers' Instagram, you to show him and shout him out, and everyone should follow him because he's the f***ing man."

"He's an incredible artist. He did a portrait of Sport when Sport died for ma."

"That's just f***ing really so real. It's Sport, it looks just like him, and then it's Lewis crying like a f*** right over Sport."

"These are all his paintings. He's like an incredible artist."

"Yeah, he does, so he does, uh, so he'll, he'll skip."

"Oh, wait, wait, Dave, is this, that's it right there, right there?"

"Beautiful, all right, so this is, this is this."

"So this is the picture, okay? This is the best."

"So he's doing all these pictures. Now, I will, I come off, uh, I forget which show it was, but we're coming off, uh, like I'm on stage in the main room, and I'm coming off, and I was just like, uh, you know, it's like in Skankfest, you're having a moment."

"And I just had a moment with him after the show where I was like, dude, you're such an incredible artist, dude. Thank you for doing the festival again this year. Just your stuff is unbelievable."

"And he showed me that he had just done one of me, that one, the picture right there."

"Can you even zoom in a little bit? Maybe it's a great, beautiful photo, and I loved it."

"And I told him that. I go like, I go, ah, dude, that's so cool."

"And I went, uh, I went, can I buy that from you?"

"And he goes, uh, he goes, sure, absolutely."

"And I was like, how much would you charge for it?"

"And he goes, $1,000."

"And I went, yeah, like Gap fast magic, magic."

"This magic, I don't listen, I'm not saying I remember exactly what I said, but it was something along the lines of like, it was like you were supposed to say it would be my honor for you to have if you could just, you know, I don't know."

"Listen, just tell people you got it from me, you know?"

"I figured, you know, I was offering you the same way a woman reaches for a purse when you're paying for dinner."

"So, uh, we just, you know, we, I don't know what I said exactly, but we had a moment where I was like, uh, I was like, all right, dude, all right, I'll talk to you or like something like that."

"And in my head, I went, I'm not going to give you a f***. I'm going to avoid this guy for the rest of my life."

"I don't know, I mean, that just seems a little bit, you'd be like, can I just take a picture of my..."

"Yeah, it's like, which I can do. This is my festival. I can do that if I want to right now."

"You legally can't stop me. It's a painting of me, so I'm like, technically don't I own a portion of that, like a little bit, kind of?"

"I just, listen, man, I'm doing all right, but I can't just give you $1,000. I wouldn't spend $1,000 on a Van Gogh painting if you said that's a real-life Ren brand."

"I pass."

"But anyway, it was just, anyway, there was so, I remember this moment, but I didn't think too much of it until about a week after Skankfest."

"I get a package. I get a package from Mike Harrington, and I go, what the f*** is Mike Harrington say? Is this his baby? Is this Alex and Mike's baby in a package? 'Cause I will raise, I will raise this baby, you're their Firehouse."

"I will love this baby like it was my own."

"So I open, and it's the picture."

"And then I remembered the moment, and I went, oh, he just sent it to me."

"Like he just, he got Harrington to give him my..."

"Harrington heard the conversation. Harrington's like, I'm going to steal that for Dave."

"Well, so whatever, I assume that it was just like, oh, he just sent it to me."

"And I was like, I was touched by it. I was like, that's very nice to have this painting because it's a great painting."

"The guy's an incredible artist. I'll put it up in my studio or something, and I love it."

"And then, uh, you saying Gay Blind M gave it to Harrington to mail."

"So then Rebecca texted me like, um, a week ago, and she goes, hey, Chris is looking for his money."

"Yeah, Dave, I'm coming for you."

"I mean, she didn't say it exactly like that, but she was like, oh, like Chris reached out, like, you know, you said you were buying this from them, blah, blah, blah, whatever."

"And then I, and I was like, oh, but wait a minute, hold on."

"I didn't real, and now I'm like, dude, I don't know."

"Look at that's Dave's face when he opened the painting."

"It's not actually, it's not even that good, not that good."

"I don't know, that's a little steep for a painting of me going, ooh."

"I don't know, ooh, that's a little pricey for..."

"Even Jay's like, that seems high."

"Jay's like, wow, $1,000? I sure wouldn't agree to that."

"And then I'm like, really, homes? How you going to charge my friend $1,000? You can do a little better than that, I think."

"Bro, $1,000? One G? Come on."

"Oh my God, how many p is that?"

"It only took you one episode, Le, SK to do it."

"So that's where, look at my friend, da, ooh, he's saying ooh, ooh."

"But I'm, I'm an old Mexican man."

"Oh, I'm 113 years old. I'm going to ask Chris Rogers to do a back..."

"Why did he make, why did he make Jay look great?"

"He made me look like I'm melting like that f***ing clock painting."

"It is not, I mean, look, it's a great picture of Lewis at 90."

"Ooh, I'm upset about the way I look."

"Ooh, oh, Dave, he only charged me $900."

"Hey, I just heard Danny Trejo has cancer."

"I got one left in me, and then I'm done."

"Oh no, ma."

"Four, oh, Jay looks like an angel."

"Hi guys, Jay's picture is worth $1,000."

"It is, look at that, Jay's got upside down."

"I would, I'm, if I ever get a home studio, Chris Rogers do my backdrop."

"He's awesome, dude. He's a f***ing awesome."

"He's incred, listen, he's incredible. I highly recommend everybody go buy Chris Rogers art."

"I'm just not going to."

"What are you going to?"

"Well, that's why I brought it to the show, 'cause I don't, and I, I don't know."

"I think you send it back."

"Yeah, it's going to cost you over $100 to mail it back."

"I think you have to."

"I'm not spending $100 to mail this thing back."

"I think you got to put it on sale and try to like see if it's worth like, you know, $1,100."

"Sell, no, no, and then I should, I should send him whatever I can get for it and go, listen, in the market, this is what it's worth."

"We should do an auction in the room."

"I'll start it off, $1,500."

"20,000, we'll start the bidding at 20,000."

"What's going on with this group of Asians at the bar right now? What are they doing?"

"Oh God, come on."

"Oh, these guys are spenders."

"Guys, are they in a tour?"

"We have a $1,000, we have a $155,000 painting going for $2,000."

"Are these investors for the stand? What is happening right now?"

"Oh my God, has China finally come to conquer? They're going to turn this place one comedy club at a time."

"Oh my God, is this going to turn into that scene from Kill Bill? They're going to turn this place..."

"Oh, what if everything goes black and white right now?"

"Oh, D, we, I mean, they're plotting for sure."

"Oh dude, they're going to turn this place into a f***."

"To tell you the truth, it wasn't a wedding at all. It was a wedding reception."

"Make some f***ing reference to them just bow."

"This place is getting turned into a noou."

"This is wrong that we're doing this, Russ."

"Oh f***, he picked up on it."

"Oh, L is going to have to fight all of them."

"By the way, three of them, three of them as we speak are in the air conditioning units."

"Oh f***, oh f***, they're walking on the trees."

"Oh no, I hear them."

"I literally, I went e to every one of their faces, dude. They lost so much respect."

"It was just one of their faces, but it was all of their faces."

"I don't know which one it was."

"All right, so you guys, I'll, I'll honest, I'll take all of it."

"What should I do?"

"Wait, hold on, what was that? All those, what was that? Someone tell uses Tower."

"Oh, Japanese businessmen, I would have had them."

"I would have served them sushi off of Big J's body had I known."

"Oh my God, dude, you could have eaten sushi off my body."

"F***ing great, dude."

"Um, that's just a white woman, never mind."

"By the way, we feel bad for those guys. You're going to definitely kill a hooker later."

"Yeah, we P TOA."

"They have a better life than anyone in this room."

"You think they're worried about paying a th000 bucks for a painting?"

"Jay, I think you're going to eat it, David."

"I think you're going to eat it."

"I think you got to pay him."

"I think you got to, you're do pay it."

"Listen, mailing it back is crazy."

"I tend to agree at this point. You got got."

"What I got to pay it?"

"You said you're all going to soundbag me on that."

"I just got to give him $1,000?"

"I'm not, I'm asking, I'm telling you how I would handle it personally."

"I would just be like, I, you got, you're buying it now."

"How would I handle it? Be honest."

"Be, uh, I would be honest, papus."

"If I was Yannis, I'd give him $2,000."

"Nice."

"No, if I was, that's a good picture of me."

"I would be, I would be honest with them, and I would say, hey dude, wasn't expecting to spend $1,000."

"And then I would offer him what I'm willing to offer him."

"And if he was, what would that be?"

"No way, no way."

"Really, you'd have, you're a liar."

"You can't say what, what do you really want for it?"

"It's less."

"No way, I would say this."

"What worth?"

"Who is the next person that wants to buy this?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."

"Say literally nobody in the world is going to buy a Dave Smith painting except for you or your wife."

"You don't know that."

"His mom's alive."

"And my wife spent $3,000 on rare art."

"When you started the story, I really thought it was going to be that Harrington heard that and bought it for you."

"Well, I also say this, let's start from the very..."

"Harrington doesn't have that type of scratch."

"Can I tell you where it went left in the beginning, Dave? To purchase a painting of yourself already is wacky as f***."

"Today, you're going to put yourself up over..."

"I was just trying to compliment him."

"No, you, you, you inquired about the price."

"Wait, I want to ask something. He's black, right?"

"Oh yeah, obviously."

"Otherwise, I would have just said no."

"If he was white, you would have just said no."

"Be like, I want like a white person."

"I would have said the exact same thing."

"I was trying to, I thought it was cool."

"No, I liked kind of like, um, his vibe, his taste of music."

"You know the way..."

"Go back to, he does have black guy version, uh, hair, a black guy hair version of Big J was saying it right there."

"I'll be happy to pay Chris for his work, but we will figure out a price before."

"No way, you can, he laid a price."

"No, I'm not saying, Dave, you didn't get like got a little bit like he jumped the gun a bit."

"But I'd say this is when you have to eat."

"I didn't get got at all."

"You expressed interest in a way that he could think that."

"But you, is there any chance?"

"Sure, but I didn't."

"I didn't cut to cut back to Skankfest."

"Dave's drunk, he's like, I'll give you $1,000, buddy."

"I have you $10,000."

"And he goes, no, no, no, just $1,000."

"Fight, guys, no, no, best ever picture."

"That's the best picture I need it."

"You should ask him how much your picture would be."

"I think he might have given me one back in the day."

"Louis has a picture of you, just got one."

"One in my studio, yeah, that's insane."

"I well, I have a whole wall of fan art, and it's on it."

"And I love it."

"I don't know what I was exactly thinking."

"No, I agree with, I agree with Lewis also, though, like fan art too."

"So this is a little different."

"I'm breaking your balls, but it is like Louis has his hanging up with the yellow glasses on."

"It's like I have a whole wall that actually looks really cool."

"It's a bunch of fan art."

"I would put that up, but I wouldn't just put up someone just like, you know, a noble painting of me."

"Well, that's crazy."

"I have a specific, I have a specific studio that it's like, you know, wall of fan art."

"I don't think that's cringey."

"Karen Fisher, if you go into her apartment, she has a, and I sh** you not, a 20-foot portrait of herself with her legs spread with a dog."

"No, she doesn't."

"I swear to God she does."

"That's a real thing."

"Know that? I thought that was common knowledge."

"I'm, it's pretty wild."

"There's got to be a, there's got to be a picture."

"But also, both of you are cringey. You have a wall of self-love."

"You're just yourself."

"It's in my, it's not just me."

"It's kind of, dude, like, I don't know, fan art is a little bit different of a just a picture."

"I didn't commission it or do it myself, Ari. A fan did it."

"I'm just going to throw it in the garbage."

"Sorry that I care about the fans."

"Now I keep, uh, will say I keep all, I keep all fan art."

"All fan art, I always kiss."

"I bring it and give it to some other person."

"Really?"

"Well, I'm a fan of like, you know, whatever, Michael Jordan. I'll put a Michael Jordan poster up."

"No, I get that being a fan of something, but it's a different, you're talking about two different genres of things that to put up."

"I have, uh, I have things, they're not up, but I have things that are just like kind of stored in closets in my house."

"That's like my flyer that was printed into a big thing for my first comedy special."

"I have a couple like things of that I don't like, that's different."

"But I kind of took this as like, this is a drawing that was made at Skankfest from the guy."

"I don't know, I'm, I like it."

"I just, I just, listen, man, it's just where I'm at, paying $1,000 for that is a little nutty for me."

"But somebody, I've met a Funko Pop made of me, which is awesome."

"That's that girl who CICS of all of us."

"I don't know, R cre, I literally, this started by me asking Lewis his advice."

"I go, listen, dude, what should I do about this?"

"And he goes, uh, take it to the show."

"And I went, that is good advice."

"Yeah, and that's his to, but my actual, my actual advice is just offer him what you feel like it's worth."

"No way, crazy."

"You said you'd buy it for $1,000."

"Can't give $700 now."

"Say what is he basing this call?"

"And really have a conversation."

"It was a misunderstanding."

"It is an arbitrary number. It's not like he like had materials or supplies."

"Like $500 is better than it's sitting in his closet."

"He's got to look at it every day."

"You want to give him $500?"

"Really, you want to give him $500?"

"What do you want to give him?"

"If it was, if three, wait, wait, $300, $3, three George was $300."

"I'd pay him $300."

"Would you want to?"

"No, oh no, no, no, not at all."

"I think he's great. I think he's an incredible artist."

"Like, no, I don't listen."

"If it was, here's a, here's a question."

"Take him out of it."

"You saw that PO, that painting at a thrift store."

"What is the..."

"You'd be freaked out, be like, what the f***, holy f***, who just randomly painted me?"

"Why do these thrift stores follow me everywhere I go?"

"Dude, did you ever see, uh, did you ever see the, uh, the kid playing a prank on his grandma?"

"He printed her face on a bunch of DVDs and Walmart or something."

"Atart, dude, please pull that up."

"It's so f***ing delightful."

"You get a second? Can you bring up the part of Mama Said Knock You Out where L Cool J goes ooh and then putting the picture of Dave up?"

"Also, so we'll do that after what I said."

"Sure, Dave, Dave, if you saw that at a thrift store and it was $29, would you buy it?"

"Wait, I'm getting past the point that they have a picture of me."

"No, you know it's the Chris Rogers one."

"It ended up somewhere, and it's there now."

"Would you pay $29 for it?"

"Yeah, just because God clearly brought this into my life."

"That would, would you pay $130 for it if it was in a thrift store?"

"Rand, Dave, you're in a random thrift store."

"You see this painting, $130?"

"I'd have to like, that's crazy."

"I mean, I guess if I'm in South Dakota, but the thing you're selling me on there is go, what are the odds that I'd be in a random thrift store in..."

"30 to 1 picture of it."

"Leave you spend $200 coming here every week in Uber."

"In Uber."

"And this God put this painting of you in this store."

"Also, I would, I would try to hackle."

"I'm like, dude, it's me. You're never selling this to anybody but me."

"I'd make the face to him like, look, first of all, okay, if I spend, if I, okay, if I spend $200, a lot to be honest, I spent $200 to Uber."

"You looks like you're saying Uber in that photo."

"Uber, Uber, please."

"Way us slave, that's how much that's how often Dave takes Ubers away from us."

"That Chris Rogers painted him saying Uber, Uber, please."

"Okay, so fine, I take an, it's $200 for an Uber, and we do four live shows a month, so $800."

"That is a tenth of LS's car insurance payment for him to drive in here."

"Shut the f*** up, dude."

"That is true."

"I don't even want to get into it."

"Louis, if you pull over with somebody again, if you pull over and get into a fight, like get out of the car and get into a fight with somebody, is that who pays car insurance?"

"Way for that or regular insurance?"

"It doesn't matter out of the car, but was justice served?"

"Justice was served, then it doesn't matter."

"Yeah, it really depends. It really depends on whatever the law decides from that on is what the law decides."

"But justice has been, if justice was served, Medicaid will take care of that."

"Everything else just kind of falls into place as long as justice is served."

"Alex, do you have that the kid playing the prank on his grandma?"

"This, this f***, this really gets me, dude."

"His grandma is so confused."

"I could get what the f***."

"What? Look at that SP, man, that's f***ing me."

"That's my f***ing picture."

"What, Peter Parker? That ain't Peter Parker, that is f***ing me."

"Son of a b****, look here."

"Oh Jesus, look at they got my f***ing face."

"So, oh hell no."

"Oh, H, they even got me looking like Will on straight."

"Is this fake, Lou?"

"I think it, when she said, when she, when they said got to be looking like Will on Strang, he got the new great photo."

"F*** that, me."

"I think maybe it is fake."

"Maybe I got got like you got, you got, you got got like I got C like Chris Rogers."

"I got to send $1,000 to those people now for that getting got."

"You got to pay for Dave's picture for his house."

"Make it a house."

"All right, there you go. Lewis is going to buy it for me."

"Thank you, LS."

"I think Dave, I think Chris hit up Lewis."

"Lewis owes $1,000."

"Best goddamn friend in the universe, Louis J."

"Z, already said it earlier, best friend in the universe."

"He sucks, he sucks for his enemies."

"Louis, Louis, Louis, Chris T, Lis."

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, you should auction it off."

"I already sold it to Le for $1,000."

"$1,000 for all shafir."

"Thank you so much for being here, Adrian Apuchi."

"Check out the special of Dark Queen available right now on Netflix, everybody."

"She is f***ing hilarious, and we will catch you guys later this week exclusively on Gas Digital on the Friday night hang."

"Until then, everybody, peace."

"You've been listening to the Legion of Skanks podcast with Big J Oerson."

"Did you suck it?"

"I think I would instinct suck it thick with three seeds."

"Who, El be f***ing over Leis."

"Leis Gomez, Le J Gomez."

"You f***ing L J Gomez."

"You ever try to watch a draw swas? It's hilarious."

"I'm sort of known as a point guard, a podcast being a fat gay guy is so f***ing awesome."

"And comedian Dave Smith."

"You f***ing godless soulless sodomites, that's the f***ing best joke I've ever heard in my life."

"It was 8 in the Legion of Skanks podcast."

"[Music] [Music]"