Transcription
No young man should stumble his way into manhood. The best gift we can give as a father is a clear pathway. Every boy needs a moment where he is called out of boyhood and into manhood. Where his strength is tested, his faith is forged, and his father's voice calls him forward. That's why we created the Brave Co. Ride of Passage. It's a 30-hour weekend where fathers and sons encounter God together. We're going to break a wild horse. We're going to push limits and leave forever changed. Guys, this isn't a retreat. It's not a conference. It's a right of passage. Join us February 28th through March 1st, 2026 in Jacksonville, Florida. Visit braveco.org to learn more about this.
We live in a time where masculinity is shamed and men don't know what it means to be a man. As a pastor and counselor, I've spent the better part of my life equipping and training others. My goal with this show is to translate my hard-earned experience into tools and tactics to help you become stronger as a man. This is the Brave Co [music] podcast. I'm your host, Jason Valentin. [music] Welcome back, men, to the Brave Co podcast. Guys, I am excited to be with you. I think this may be one of the most important conversations we've ever had together. And I [clears throat] really am. I'm excited for it.
The question that I have for you is, who gave you the right to be a man? Who gave you the right to be a man? We're talking about the right of passage this week and God's design, God's plan for every young boy. And you know, God's design would that was that every young boy would be initiated into manhood by the fathers in his life. Because I believe probably like you believe that no young man should stumble his way into manhood, right? That the greatest gift a father can give is a really clear defined sure pathway into manhood. If you look through scripture, you can see that if you look throughout history, right? So all throughout history from the Native Americans, right, the Crow Nation, a boy wasn't considered a man until he completed a vision quest, fasting alone on the top of a mountain, hungry, waiting for God to meet him and to give him identity. In the Messiah tribe, a boy became a warrior only after showing courage on a lion hunt. That's wild. You couldn't actually reach the status of manhood in the Messiah community if you didn't if you weren't able to show courage to face your fears in front of a lion and in the presence of the other men in your tribe. In Jewish culture, there was the bar mitzvah which marked the moment where a boy took responsibility before God. In medieval Europe, young men went through nighthood, right? They were years in apprenticeship uh and testing before being commissioned as men. Guys, everywhere from Africa to Europe, all across the world for thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of years, if you wanted responsibility, if you wanted respect in a tribe, if you wanted to be able to marry, if if you wanted honor, if you wanted uh the the ability to fight for your tribe, you got initiated. You got initiated in manned. You proved your medal. You proved your worth. But you also jumped in and belonged to a brotherhood. It gave you the right to bear your tribe's name. It gave you the right to to um to have a family, to be a provider.
And [clears throat] the big challenge, right, is most boys in western culture face zero initiation. I mean, think about how many how many friends do you have? How many guys do you know that actually went through an intentional initiation? And here's what I mean by that. I'm not talking about where a boy has to whatever get jumped into something. I'm thinking how many of you have thought through or do you know of anyone whose dad whose friends took time to go you're 12 years old, you're 11 years old, son. I'm going to start to walk you through this pathway from boyhood to manhood. You're going to start to to produce testosterone in your body. Your hormones are changing. Your desires are changing. The temptations are changing in your life. The responsibility on your life is growing. Right? My expectation as a dad or expectation that mom has on you is starting to change. We are no longer just looking at you as a young boy who consumes more than he produces. Actually, mostly only consumes. But now we are going to look at you as a young man who's growing into a full-g grown man. And so now we're starting to invite you, welcoming you into producing more than you consume. Not all in one day. But I have a gift for you. Honestly, I don't know hardly any young man, even in my own life, who that's happened to. My dad did a great job. I don't know how he did it. Honestly, when I look back, I have no idea how my dad even had a plan. Like, it's literally by the grace of God. I didn't get walk through a formal right of passage. My dad spent so much time with me um saying things to me like, "Son, you're 15 years old. I want you to make all of your mistakes at home because you have mom and I. Son, you're almost 13. Your life's going to start changing. your desires are changing. I remember when my dad had that conversation with me. I remember my dad telling me, "Hey, you're the you're the man of the house when I'm gone." It wasn't this unrealistic expectation I couldn't fulfill. He was saying, "Son, you're responsible to think about the women. This is how you treat mom. This is how you treat your sisters. This is what we do." I remember being invited into work with my dad after school, on vacations. It's what we did. is what it meant to be a valatin is as we sowed we poured into things we were stewards we were good stewards of what God had given us. I remember the value of a hard time and my dad explaining to me that anything that you go through in life that was hard for you that you overcome you get to give that away. My dad poured manhood, masculinity. He took time to create a framework inside of me in which I would be able to withstand the pressure, the responsibility of adulthood on he gave me a framework for that. And honestly, I'm so thankful for that. For thousands of years, young men were given that. John Ma John Eldridge said it best. He said, uh, masculinity is not something a man is born with. It's something that's poured into him through other men. See, you can be born male, but that doesn't make you a man. What makes you a man is the values and the virtues that you adhere to. When the Bible is talking to Job and he says, Job, stand up like a man. stand and face me like a man. Brace yourself like a man. That's actually what he says. Job, brace yourself like a man. He's actually talking about this picture of Job being strong, of him having courage, of him standing in a place where he's afraid and being willing to stand up and face God as a man. We can look all different places through scripture where God's saying, "Stand up. Be a man. Don't back down." What does that mean? What does it mean to be a man? Right? It means to live with virtues. It means to to walk and to live with the Holy Spirit in your life, with the fruit of the spirit in your life. Because we have a standard. You guys understand that our standard for manhood, the ultimate man was Jesus Christ who came who knew how to be kind, who he knew how to weep a with those who were weeping, but he also knew how to stand up and how to confront chaos in order to bring a culture of health, of safety, of care, of concern, of holiness. You see Jesus at 12 years old starting to leave his parents and he's in the the uh the the synagogues and and he's preaching, right? And he's teaching. What's happening? He's starting to go into that phase of his life where he's being initiated by the father into man. He's starting to take on more and more and more responsibility in his life. He's having more different conversations than he was at 11 years old. We now live in the oldest generation in America in in history, right, of boys that this world has ever seen. Because unless a man is initiated, unless a boy I should say, is initiated into manhood, he's constantly walking around wondering, "Do I have what it takes? Am I deeply loved and cared for? Is anyone with me in this world?" And he'll spend the rest of his life running around trying to answer those questions. If your dad initiated you when you were young, you know how important it was for you. If your father never initiated you, you also know how important and how rare it is.
In the 1900s when we switched uh to the agg uh from the agricultural age to the industrial age, there was a great unraveling that happened. I believe that's what it called this the great unraveling. We've went from young men and women, young boys and girls working side by side with their parents in fields and learning the trade. And uh if you were a smith, if that was your last name, you worked with metal. You learned how to be a smith. If you were a carpenter, that was your last name, you learned carpentry. If you were a weaver, whatever. I mean, you had identity that came from your parents. You learned a craft from your parents. You learned skills from your parents. You learned virtues and values from your parents. But in the 1900s when the industrial age uh started to to come in to the world, kids were became a burden. No longer did you want to have 7 8 9 10 11 12 kids. You you you were working in factories. you needed uh public the public school system to educate your kids. Well, no longer were kids working with mom and dad. They were at school. They weren't being initiated by mom and dad. They weren't going through a ride of passage. Those virtues and values were then handed off to a school system. The same thing happened in the 60s and 70s, the sexual revolution. We've talked about it before on this podcast. If you've gone through the Brave Code disciplehip course, you've heard me talk about it in lesson one where the sexual revolution completely changed the landscape of virtues and values. In the 40s and 50s, it was really really unpopular to have sex before you're married, right? To uh to basically essentially to to drink, to do drugs, to party, like all that stuff was frowned upon. to get a divorce was frowned upon. But in the 60s and 70s, the landscape completely changed because of all of this, because of these catalysts. You have a whole multiple generations at this point of young men and women who do not have the world saying to them, "We need strong men. We need strong women. We need people with virtues and values. We need marriages that last. Like have a conscience. We don't have the world saying that today. We have the world actually saying do whatever you want. Be whoever you want. Decide who you are. Decide what gender you are. Decide for yourself whether or not you're a man or a woman. And again, the problem is is that you're not the one that wires you. You were never designed to be the one that walks yourself into manhood, that walks yourself into womanhood, right? That was never designed for you.
Jesus is getting ready to go into ministry. Think about this. He's getting ready to go into ministry. He shows up at the river and John the Baptist is baptizing people. And Jesus asks him to baptize him and he's like, "Dude, I'm not worthy to baptize you." And Jesus says, "No, it's my time." So, as he goes under and comes back up, as soon as he comes up, what happens to him? You hear this message that's never been spoken to him before. You hear, "Father God from heaven." It actually says, "Father God from heaven says, "This is my son in whom I'm well pleased." Before Jesus ever does any ministry, before he tackles tons and tons and tons of challenges, before he does all these miracles, Jesus go uh God goes, "You're my son in whom I'm well pleased." He gives him this incredible identity piece. Even Jesus himself didn't walk himself in manhood. Didn't create his own blessing for him. Didn't get his own stamp of approval. Jesus heard from his father, "You, my son, I'm pleased in, [snorts] you have what it takes." But I'm just saying if the son of God needed that, if that's what God, the creator of everything, if that's how he initiated his son, don't you think that for us, the most important thing that we could do is have a really incredible plan to go, you're my son. I love you. I care for you. You're not going to get into manhood on your own. I'm going to create a clear pathway. Here's my friends. Here's my community. I'm going to teach you about money. I'm going to teach you about um uh taking risks. I'm going to teach you about business. I'm going to teach you about women. I'm going to teach you about soul care. I'm going to teach you about God and who you are. That's the original design for us. And honestly, I'm I am incredibly excited about where we're heading in Brave Co. and what we're doing in Brave Code because this is the next frontier for us. Um, if you listen to to the podcast um, recently, I've been talking about a ride of passage that we have coming. We're doing a ride of passage in Florida, February 28th. It's going to be incredible. In Jacksonville, Florida, where we get to walk young men through our seven pillars of initiation. We get to look at them and say, "This is my son in whom I'm well pleased." You are a man. You have what it takes. You may not feel like you have what it takes. We're going to stand beside you. We're going to pour into you. This experience is a catalyst unto growth. It's not just a weekend event. After this week, we have seven weeks of curriculum that we're giving fathers for free that they and mentors that they can walk their young men into manhood. They actually believe again that every young man should have a plan for his life that he didn't create, that his dad, that his mentor, that his pastors, that his leaders are helping him walk all the way into manhood. And uh and I'm excited about what we're doing because I actually think it's really going to create a catalytic movement across America, across our country where we began to look around and go, "Yeah, why have we been allowing why have we just settled in church? And why have we settled as parents and go, hey, listen, the school systems teaching our young men about being a man?" No, they aren't. Our church is teaching young men about what it means to be a man. Actually, right now, probably your church isn't. Your church is probably preaching to you on a Sunday morning. I'm a pastor. I'm not slamming churches. I'm saying most churches don't actually have an incredible plan for fathers and sons to take them into manhood. I'm not mocking them. I'm not even saying shame on you. I'm going, "No, this feels like what God's doing right now in the world today. He's going, I don't want young men, I don't want fathers to wonder how to do this. I want to have a a really incredible plan for this to happen. I believe that there's seven phases that every young man should walk through. There's seven pillars, I should say, of initiation. And um there's pro you could create your own, but just looking through history, these different places that young men uh from from biblical times to tribal times that these important pillars in every man's life. And I just want to take you guys through them.
The first one is the beloved son. Every man needs to start out as knowing that he is loved. Right? This pillar that you are deeply loved is the starting point. If you didn't start out with you are deeply loved, there's nothing that you can do to earn my love. You didn't earn it. You are my son in whom I'm well pleased is the starting point for every young man. And we want to create a moment as a father to give these moments, these pillars to our young men where we go, listen, you made this mistake, you didn't get it right, you tried and failed. But son, before you tried, I already love you. Before you took that risk, I already love you. Before you lost and you backed down and you gave up on yourself, I never gave up on you. I love you. You are a beloved son. I love you. Every young man needs to hear that. And that the beloved son is the first phase that a that a young boy steps into. Now he transitions into the second right the second phase which is the explorer. The explorer. But the young man goes into this phase of life where he wants to start taking risks. He wants to test himself. He wants to try. You hear you young men do it, right? They go, "Mine, I do it. No, I I'm going to try this. I want to do this. I want to go." And for moms, this is a really hard phase because it's dangerous. It's scary. It's uh he's taking more risks, but he's learning this pillar. Here's the pillar. Are you ready? Life is hard, but God is with you. See, if a young man never explores, never takes risks, never gets out of the covering of mom and dad, then he's always deep down inside wondering, "Am I on my own? Do I have what it takes?" When hard things come, he wants to quit. He doesn't know the value of persevering. He doesn't know. James 1, consider it pure joy when encounter various trials. For the testing of your faith produces perseverance, but when pers perseverance runs its course, you will lack nothing. The value of doing hard things is what young men learn in this explorer phase. And when they learn that they can do hard things, they get excited that they have a capacity to take on life. They get excited about uh uh stepping into this next phase of life, which is the builder, right? They go into from the explorer to to or sorry the warrior the warrior phase of life is John Elders says every man needs a beauty to rescue and a battle to fight. And I believe that that's true. As men start to grow older we're looking for what is our battle? What is the thing that I'm standing for? What is the thing that I'm willing to die for? And here's here's the the truth. You're going to face battles. Fight them with honor. Fight them with honor. You're a warrior. If a man doesn't know that he's a warrior, think about a thousand years ago. If a man didn't think that he was a warrior, who's going to protect the perimeter? Who's going to protect what's valuable? As we grow up, we have an enemy. God says we don't battle with flesh and blood, but powers and principalities. It talks about putting on the full armor of God. You are a warrior, man. We have uh we have the world trying to access our kids. They're trying to come in and to steal the territory in their mind. Come trying to come in and and to teach the world's principles. If you're a warrior, then you go, "Not on my watch. No way. We're in a battle." See, just because someone's not coming to actually take over your house in your territory doesn't mean that we're not in one of the greatest wars that's ever been fought in human history for our young men, for our women, for your wives, for your marriages. Guys, it's here. We're on the front lines of a battle. Our young men need to know that they are warriors. Actually, Psalms, I believe 127, that says that children are like arrows in the hand of a warrior. We're prepping our sons to be launched and our daughters to be launched into what the darkest places uh in humanity and to be representations of Christ to lay down their life but to be effective that comes in this pillar. You're a warrior.
Number four, the brother, right? You belong to a brotherhood. Brotherhood was God's design. You belong to a brotherhood was God's design. The lone warrior, Jesus didn't send everyone out one by one. He sent them out two by two. Least one falls, the other can pick him up. The Bible says a brother is born for the day of adversity. It also says as iron sharpens one iron uh one as iron sharpens iron so does one man sharpen another. You were born to be sharpened honed uh uh you were born to be in somebody else's day of adversity to be needed. You belong to a brotherhood. The Bible says that that we are all parts of the body. One's the leg, one's the hand, one's the eye, one's the mouth. You're not the body. You are a part of the body. You are valuable. You are needed. You play a valuable role in the lives of the men around you. Our young men need to know that. We need to walk them into this phase of what does it look like for you to fight for your brother, to be your brother's keeper. Pillar number five is the builder. We are co- lababorers with Christ, aren't we? You are in in this pillar. Here's the truth. You are responsible for your strength. Imagine every young man in America going, "I'm responsible for my strength. I'm going to be tested. I'm going to be um pressured. I'm going to have weight on me. It's my job to make sure that I'm reaching out to the men around me. It's my job to make sure I'm in the word of God. It's my job to make sure that I'm prayed up. It's my job to make sure that I'm being sharpened and honed, that I have accountability, that I'm responsible for my strength because I'm a builder. People are counting on me. I'm co-laboring with Christ. What does God want to build in me, from me, through me? I'm the hands and feet of Jesus to this world. I'm an ambassador of the most powerful kingdom in in the whole entire world. I'm a builder with God. It's incredible. Okay. Pillar number six is the king. Right? Here's the pillar. You will die. Live with purpose. What would happen if we all grasp a hold of this and we realize God's called me to be a king. He's called me to be a warrior. He's called me to be a beloved son. He's called me to be a brother. He's called me to be a warrior. But I'm also a king, aren't I? That I'm running this race. Hebrew talks about Hebrews talks about us being in this race and we're running this race with intentionality to win the race and that we have a whole cloud of witnesses that are watching us every single day and they're cheering us on because our their victory is in our victory and our victory is in their victory. And if we could grasp right that I am not living just for me today, that I'm living for a generation that I will never see, that's gone before me and that's gone after me, that my life has purpose and value, that I was designed to rule and reign with Christ as a king. that people are counting on me, that I was called to live with purpose. What if your young man at home, what if your daughters woke up every day thinking, "I'm called to live with purpose." What would happen if from 13 years old, your dad would have said to you, "Son, you're not a king yet, but you're going to be a king one day." That was the value of David's life. When when um when the prophet came and anointed him king, he knew from a young age, I'm not a king yet, but I'm going to be. So therefore, I will live my life with purpose. I won't back down. I will do the hard things. I'll face the lion. I will face the bear. I will I will face the temptations with honor, with courage. I'm a king. This is what kings do. I'm telling you, man. This changes everything. The last one is the sage. Everything I'm doing in my life, I'm going to pass on. I'm I'm not going to stay in this warrior phase forever. A sage becomes the warrior becomes a sage when he passes on the wisdom. The sage is the most honored place, right? not the king, the sage. when he goes, "My job is to take all the wisdom that's been given to me and to and to make sure that the generations below me, the generations to come have the wisdom that God's given me, have the courage that God's given me, that I set up the the the world around me to win. Someday every young man is going to stand where every father's standing and he's going to carry uh carry on that legacy. And like my dad right now, my dad's moving into that sage place in life where he's no longer fighting all the battles that he was fighting when he's 45. He's not. He's no longer just staying in the king phase where he's heavily into ruling and reigning the kingdom, the territories, taking different ground. He's doing some of that, but he's moving up into places of honor where he gets to give wisdom. He gets to pass on the challenges. He gets to use his favor to now take these other young men and to grow them up.
See, without initiation, without a clear pathway, a clear p plan, young men will wander forever. Dads will wander trying to give their young men what they can only get through an exchange, through disciplehip, through fatherhood, through brotherhood. It only happens there, guys. And I really think unless we unless we really have an intentional plan for our sons, for the young men in our community, half of all the the all the kids right now, half of all the kids being born in America are born into a home without a father. Can a young woman raise a boy into a man? Sure. Was it designed that way? No. No, it wasn't. There are certain things that moms give to young men. Absolutely. But a man was designed to give identity. A man was designed to be the challenger. A man was designed. It's different when your dad looks at you and he says, "You have what it takes." Why? Because the hero, a young man's supposed to grow up with a hero. He's supposed to grow up going, "If my dad can do it, I can do it. If these men can do it, I can do it. If these men conquered this, I can do it." They're supposed to grow up with that role model. See, if fathers don't initiate their sons, culture will. Because men are going to be initiated somehow. They're going to be initiated by chasing women, they're going to be initiated by chasing power. They're going to be initiated by trying to climb to the top of a ladder. They're going to be initiated by trying to accomplish all these things. But guys, it's dead. It's old. It ends up in tons of pain. I believe the Lord's calling us men back to having a really clear plan for the men in our nation, for the men in our world. And guys, we're starting it. We're doing it. We're taking it on the road and I talked about it a second ago. Jacksonville, Florida, February 28th. Listen, I want to just take you through this event. We're doing a 30-hour ride of passage. We're going to be camping. We're cooking meals. So, the meals are included for fathers and sons and mentors. So, you don't have to come there and pack a bunch of food. Uh we're going to walk you through our pillars of initiation there. We're going to have massive team challenges and competitions. You're not just going to sit. This isn't a retreat. It's not a conference. It's a ride of passage. We're going to do all all types of uh challenges and competitions. We're going to break a wild horse in an arena. It's one of the most incredible pictures of you and God and this beautiful story that God wants to ride with you. If you've never seen it in person, it's so powerful. Todd Pierce does it from Riding High Ministries. He'll get bucked off a bunch of times. It's incredible. Um, we also have built this partnership with Spartan races, which is phenomenal. Spartans come beside us. They've actually seen what we're doing with disciplehip and said, "Man, any way that we can help you guys, we want to come use our courses. We want to partner up with you. Go across the country." So, we have this incredible, insane opportunity to use any Spartan course anywhere in the world. So, we've picked Jacksonville. Um, so, so on Sunday, we're actually going to, uh, have all the young men as the closer run that Spartan race. It's a 5K. Uh, there's there's, I think, 30 different obstacles and challenges that young men will run through. You're going to get a medal when you finish. You're going to get a couple other things. I don't want to uh I don't want to to to like spoil the the surprise, but we're giving so much incredible value at this event. Steve Weatherford is going to be one of our main speakers. My dad will be there. Uh our Brave Co team is going to be there. I'm going to be speaking there. We're going to have incredible worship uh one of the nights. Guys, this is going to be phenomenal. We have intentionally uh created the price of this event so that almost every father and son will be able to afford it or father and mentor. If you can't afford it, please let us know. We don't turn anybody down. We we we have a leave no man behind policy. Please email us. Uh you can go to to braveco.org and check out this rideof passage event. If you have any questions, you can actually get your questions answered on there or email us. But guys, we want to partner with you. We want to give you the gift of manhood. We want to help you fathers walk your young men into manhood. If there's women on here, you know that this is what you want your husband to be able to do to have a really clear plan for his sons, for his community. And by the way, man, after this event, you're not just leaving. You get our seven pillars of initiation. You get to grab that content and walk your sons through seven weeks of uh initiation of those pillars and continue the work that was done there. You can do it inside of a group uh with your with your other friends. You can do it in your church. Church leaders, if you're watching this, you can grab our curriculum. It's free. And walk every young man in your church through the seven pillars of initiation. We would love to partner with you if you're a church anywhere uh in the Jacksonville area and even beyond that. If you're a pastor and you want to take your uh the young men that are in your community through our right of passage, we would love love love to partner with you and to give your sons the gift of manhood.
So guys, I really do I want to pray. I feel like this is the most important thing that we're doing right now. We've had so many men reach out to us. Uh, somebody reached out the other day and said, "I want to sponsor all of the food." I actually want to I want to sponsor and cater all the food. We have uh Gatorade is sponsoring us. We have a knife company that's sponsoring us. Like what's happening right now uh with this ride of passage is it's so much favor. God's all over it. I believe that what we're doing in Jacksonville is a model for what we're going to take across America. and uh I would love for you to be a part of it and and to bless you and to partner with you and and to help you walk your son into manhood. Um the ages for this uh really is 12 to to 20 years old for the right of passage. The Spartan race because of legal um uh legal stipulations, you have to be 14 years old to actually run the race. Uh that that Spartan race, that's just the last thing that we're doing. So, if you have a 12 and 13-year-old son, um he can come and do all the challenges and competitions and then next year he could run the Spartan race. Uh there's also men that are coming that that just actually want to be a part of it. You may not have a son yourself. Maybe you want to bring a young man from your church. We have lots of men that do that. They bring their young men uh from from churches that aren't their own sons. It's an incredible time uh to to be able to pour into somebody um and experience uh walking these young men through the ride of pastor.
So, Father, I thank you for what you're doing. I thank you that you love us. I thank you that this was your design. Lord, you designed that we would have a clear path, a clear direction for every man that's born. Lord, you're on this. This was your idea. This wasn't my idea. God, I thank you for the doors that you're open. But God, I just ask Father that you would spread this word across the country or that you would bless our fathers that in America today that we'd create such a movement, a revival movement where uh where we are welcoming young men into manhood that we change the culture of family. We'd change the culture of of boyhood. We would change the culture in cities and communities all over the world, Father. Amen.
Guys, thank you so much for watching this episode. Please share it. If you are um a woman listening to this episode, please post it on your social media. Send it to guys that you know that have young men. Um please share it with with uh youth pastors and pastors. We really want to spread the word and get as many men as there as possible. Our venue, we can hold over 500. Uh so we're believing for 500 uh fathers and sons. So guys, thank you so much for watching. I love you. I'll see you next week on the Brave Co podcast.
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