Transcription
If you've ever felt guilty for setting boundaries, saying no, or simply taking a few minutes for yourself, it's probably because you were taught something that Jesus never modeled. In fact, you may have even been lied to. So, today, I'm going to expose those lies, show you exactly how Jesus handled narcissists so you don't ever get stuck in Christian guilt ever again.
Well, hey, my friend. In case we haven't met yet, my name is Chris Reese and it is my hope to help you find faith and freedom from toxic people. So, if you're not already subscribed, would you go ahead and hit that button? And while you're down there, be sure to grab a copy of our free narcissist survival guide.
Now, before we get into these lies, these mist teachings, I want you to imagine this. Imagine you're handed this blueprint, a Christian blueprint, by people you trust, maybe a pastor or mentor or family, all telling you that this is how Jesus wants you to love. This is how he wants you to handle difficult people, and this is what it looks like to follow Christ. So, you build on it. You build all your relationships, your decisions in the sense of who you're supposed to be. But what if that blueprint had one small error? A misqued verse, a missing context, a subtle twist that would shift the whole structure off center. Everything still looked Christian, but was it? And maybe you have even felt the guilt, the exhaustion, the confusion, not because you were doing something wrong, but because you were taught something wrong. And that's how these lies, these mistings work. They look harmless, even holy, but they quietly weaken your foundation over time.
So, let's go ahead and talk about the first one, the one that has cracked more foundations than anything else. Mistacheing number one, it's like being handed a sweet church approved sedative. It looks holy. It sounds Christlike, but it quietly numbs your discernment and it softens your God-given backbone. And the message is this. A real Christian should always be nice, calm, and accommodating. And many churches preach niceness as this high value. They equate holiness with being quiet, compliant, endlessly patient, emotionally accommodating. They use Bible verses like blessed are the peacemakers to imply that keeping the peace is more important than telling the truth. So, when you come in suffering from reactive abuse, unsure of how to get someone to see what only you've been able to see, they look at you as the problem. But here's the truth. The Bible never commands you to be nice. It commands you to be loving. And niceness and love are not the same. Nice avoids. Love confronts. Niceness appeases. Love protects. nice silences truth. Love speaks it. Yeah. Even when it's uncomfortable. When Jesus encountered manipulative, controlling, or hypocritical people, he did not choose niceness. Don't believe me? Check out Matthew 23. We're looking at verses 13-15, verses 27-28. And d Jesus directly exposes the Pharisees. He calls them hypocrites, blind guides, whitewashed tombs. This wasn't cruelty. It was the protective truthtelling. He was He confronted spiritual abuse because love requires clarity, not appeasement. Jesus was compassionate. He was gentle with the brokenhearted. But with the manipulative, he was direct, strong, and unapologetically truthful. My friend, you are never called to be nice. You are called to be Christlike. And Christlike love includes courage, honesty, boundaries, and discernment, not passive people pleasing niceness.
If you've spent years trying to love someone who blames you, twists the truth, and never assumes responsibility for their behavior, then this is for you. Maybe you've begged God to heal the relationship. Maybe you questioned yourself, tried harder, forgiven over and over, only to be met with blame, silence, or twisted words. My friend, that's not love. That's emotional captivity disguised as commitment. And it's keeping you from the freedom that God intended for you. That's why I wrote Breaking the Narcissist Grip. This book isn't about diagnosing them. It's about delivering you. You'll learn how to recognize covert manipulation, respond without guilt, and stop being triggered by the person who keeps wounding you. So, if you are ready to cut the strings of manipulation, set boundaries that actually stick, and reclaim your life from takers, go ahead and click down below this video to order your copy today.
Mistacheing number two is a perfect example of what happens when scripture gets weaponized. A single verse pulled out of context becomes a tool to pressure Christians into silence. And that is exactly what the church implies when they tell you to turn the other cheek. And many churches teach this as total passivity, as if being like Jesus means absorbing mistreatment, staying quiet, and avoiding confrontation. And they'll often point to Matthew 5:39. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other also. But here's the problem. It's taught as universal submission. The cultural context is ignored and the meaning becomes completely distorted. You see, in Jewish culture, a right cheek slap was an insult, not an assault. It was meant to shame. And Jesus wasn't telling anyone to submit to abuse. He was teaching non retaliation, non-resistance. Turning the other cheek was a way of saying, "You don't get to control my reaction or my dignity." It was courage, not compliance. He didn't retaliate, but he did confront wrongdoing. When Jesus himself was struck, he said in John 18:22, "If I said something wrong, testify to it. But if not, why did you strike me?" Jesus didn't offer him the other cheek. He confronted the injustice immediately. He refused retaliation, but he also refused silence and submission to wrongdoing. That's the real teaching. No revenge, no escalation, but also no permission for abuse. Jesus chose truth. He chose courage and holy resistance, not passive endurance.
Now, miseing number three is like being handed a blank check and told to sign your name at the bottom. No conditions, no accountability, no protection. And the church often pressures you to do exactly that. And the belief goes like this. If you're a real Christian, you forgive instantly and you restore the relationship no matter what the other person does because that's loving. No, that's lazy. That's the church saying,"I don't have the capacity to help you work through what's really going on here and hold them accountable. So, I'm just going to give you a spiritual band-aid to put over your demonic hemorrhage." It sounds holy. It sounds selfless, but it's completely ignoring Jesus's actual teachings. And churches preach this emotional pressure. Don't keep a record of wrongs. 70* 7. If you don't forgive, God won't forgive you. And while forgiveness is a command, reconciliation is not. And having unresolved hurt from the impact that they cause does not mean you have not forgiven. And Jesus made a crystal clear distinction in Luke 17:3. It says, "If they repent, forgive them." Repentance is the doorway to a restored relationship, not guilt, not pressure, not appeasement. Jesus never taught, "Take them back into your life. Even if they're unchanged, trust them instantly. Ignore patterns of harm." In fact, Jesus taught the opposite. In Matthew 18:15, he breaks down in detail the process. And if a person refuses to change, Jesus said, "Create some distance. Treat them as a pagan or a tax collector." Look, forgiveness can be given and it must be given. But reconciliation, that's earned. Jesus never required reconciliation without repentance. He required truth, accountability, and discernment. Anything less isn't forgiveness. It's self-abandonment dressed in some church language. They're telling you to ignoring everything silently like Jesus did on the cross. But Jesus only endured this mistreatment in one context, redemption. And Jesus wasn't sent to the cross. He went to the cross. This was a voluntary and purposeful action. Everywhere else he set boundaries or he removed himself. For example, in Luke 4:28, they tried to throw him off a cliff. Jesus walked away. In John 8:59, they tried to stone him. Jesus hid himself and left the temple. Jesus only submitted to suffering when it fulfilled his purpose, not as a pattern for daily relationships.
So, misting number four is like being handed a heavy wooden cross and told, "Carry this. This is what Jesus would do." And without realizing it, Christians accept crushing mistreatment because they believe suffering in silence is somehow the cross that Jesus wants you to bear. They preach just be silent. Endure endure what Jesus did. Jesus didn't defend himself. And this is not how Jesus lived. It's how he died and only for the salvation of the world. He didn't do that to ignore evil. The cross was voluntary. It was purposeful and it was missiondriven. It was not a model for tolerating toxic relationships all in the name of endurance. Outside of the cross, Jesus consistently removed himself from harmful people and situations. Here's the truth that doesn't get taught. Jesus protected his mission, his time, and his boundaries. And when he encountered suffering, it was because it was to fulfill his divine purpose. We're called to crucify our flesh, not to have our lives crucified by toxic people.
Misteing number five is like being handed a weapon wrapped in a worship song. Looks holy, sounds biblical, so you silence your intuition because they used scripture. And that's what happens when you are inadvertently taught to accept what someone is saying simply because it's wrapped in a Bible verse. And here's the lie that many Christians swallow. If a person quotes the Bible, they must be right. They must be a Christian. Church culture often reinforces this by saying, "Don't question scripture. Don't argue with God's word. Don't question whether God's talking to somebody. Be humble and listen." But here's the problem. People can quote scripture with completely unholy motives. Satan himself misqued scripture. in Matthew 4 1-11 where he tempted Jesus in the wilderness. Satan used Bible verses to pressure Jesus into proving himself, testing God, violating his mission. But Jesus didn't bow. He didn't freeze her. He didn't second guessess himself. He confronted the distortion with real biblical truth. But here's the truth, my friend. If you don't know the truth, you won't know when you're being deceived. Because if Satan can quote scripture, so can his ambassadors. So can the abusers, the manipulators, the narcissists. So to really be like Jesus in these scenarios, we are to treat that misuse as deception, not authority. And another example is in Mark 7:8. Jesus rebuked religious leaders for using scripture to justify harmful behavior. He called what it he called it what it was, setting aside the commands of God to hold on to human tradition. In other words, they used God's word to protect or promote their own agenda.
Now, misteing number six is like being told to leave your front door wide open because it's just the Christian thing to do. And anyone who wants to come in, let them. Anytime, any mood, any demand. And the church often reinforces it with lines like, "We're called to sacrifice. People come before your needs. A servant's heart never says no." Look, this sounds holy, but it completely contradicts how Jesus loved people. The lie sounds like this. If you really love like Jesus, you give unlimited access to your time, your energy, and your emotions. But unlimited access isn't love. That's exhaustion. And Jesus never modeled that. Jesus loved people deeply, but he did not let everyone have constant access to him. And the gospels show these clear patterns. Mark 1:35. Crowds were looking for Jesus, desperate for him. What did he do? Jesus got up early, left, and went into a solitary place. And when they finally found him, wanting more of his time, he said, "Let us go somewhere else." Here's the truth that most Christians aren't telling you. Jesus stepped away from people. Jesus limited emotional pull. Jesus protected his energy and his purpose. Jesus prioritized replenishment over constant accessibility. Look, love is generous, but it's not boundaryless. Jesus cared for people without s surrendering his mission, his time, or his emotional health. He modeled healthy limits. He modeled intentional withdrawal and selective access. If Jesus protected his life from emotional drain, my friend, you have permission to do the same without guilt, without apology, and without feeling uncchristian.
Miss teaching number seven is like being handed a goldplated chain. It looks sacred because of who's holding it, family, pastors, leaders. So you place it proudly around your neck and then slowly let it tighten thinking that's obedience when in reality it's control. The church often reinforces this with messages like honor your family, submit to authority, touch not thy anointed, and do thy profit no harm. And here's the distortion. Honor doesn't equal obedience. And submission does not equal silence. Jesus was surrounded by people who tried to pressure him, including his own family and the religious system itself. But he never let proximity determine authority. And the clearest example of this is in Mark 3:31. Jesus's mother and brothers demanded that he come out to them. In that culture, that was a huge request. family authority was expected and unquestioned. And Jesus refused. He didn't come out. He didn't appease. He didn't submit simply because it was family. Instead, he redefined who truly had access to him. Who and here's what he said. He said, "Whoever does the will of God is my brother, my sister, and my mother." In other words, obedience doesn't belong to blood. Access doesn't belong to titles. Submission belongs to God. Jesus set boundaries even with the people culture said he must obey. And when religious leaders tried to manipulate him, he confronted them, expose them, and rejected their authority over his mission. So the next time your leaders try to silence you into submission simply because you questioned them or your family guilts you into obedience for their own selfish agenda, I want you to remember even Jesus never submitted to manipulation simply because it came from family or leadership. He modeled discernment over duty, truth over tradition, and obedience to God and his divine order above all.
Breaking out of these erroneous teachings is helpful, but it is even more helpful to spot these wolves in sheep's clothing early. So, to learn the clues to spot a Christian narcissist, go ahead and watch this episode next. And don't forget to grab a copy of your free narcissist survival guide. I'll include a link in the description box.