Transcription
[Music] thank you. [Applause] [Music] tonight we begin another series, this one for family month, called "Family Strong." We are in a war. It's not the war in Ukraine. It's not the potential war with China. It's not a physical war at all. It's a spiritual war, and it has been raging for six thousand years. But it is especially accelerated in our generation with an all-out, full-frontal attack on the very institutions that God ordained in the very beginning: marriage and the family.
The war is being waged on multiple battlefields, but the schemes behind every insidious assault have been hatched in the halls of hell because Satan wants to destroy all those who bear the image of God. And the best way to accomplish his goal is to undermine marriage and the family. Destroy marriage and the family, and you'll destroy society. Destroy society, and more people will die becoming eternal prisoners of hell.
Ever since he rebelled against God and was humiliated by heaven, the devil has been plotting his revenge. He wants to deceive and debase humanity, the epitome of God's creation, twisting their earthly existence into a cruel caricature of God's original purpose and ultimately populating hell with their eternal souls, all so he can flaunt his endless parade of sins captives in the face of God. That's all he is: ruthless and relentless, cruel and cunning, vicious and vindictive. And that's why hardly a day goes by, brothers and sisters, when we don't see some new attack, some new debate, some new law, some new perversion perpetuated against those who bear the image of God. No, you didn't sign up for this war, but if you fail to fight back, you and your family will certainly become casualties of the conflict.
There are many kinds of families today, but the dictionary still defines family as, quote, "a group of people united by the ties of marriage, blood, or adoption, whether dwelling together in a single household or not." Family means parents and children, husbands and wives, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, cousins and grandparents. But families come in different shapes and sizes: nuclear family, extended family, adopted family, step family, single parent family, single adult family, blended family, and many more. And that's certainly true, more than ever before, in our nation.
Last year, the government of Canada released a portrait of Canada's families. It was released last July. It's actually from the 2021 census, and if you follow it along, you'll see that basically, we've got 16% of our families in this nation are one-parent families. But then, even among married families, common-law or married couple families, half of them, uh, have no children in their home. And then over here, you have two-parent step families, that's kind of a blended family. And then what many of us are called here tonight to parent non-step families, what we would think of as the traditional nuclear family. And so, our country is split in all kinds of ways, and there are many different kinds of families.
Let me tell you something about Capital Community Church. Every family is welcome. Every family is loved. Every family is valued. Whether it's one senior saint living all alone, whether it's a single mom trying to raise a couple of kids, whether it's a nuclear family that we think is the traditional form, or whether it's any other kind of grouping, we love everybody at our church. Everybody belongs here in the great family of God. Everybody.
A hundred years ago, children would gather around their grandparents to listen to the stories of their family. 50 years ago, they would gather around the television to watch the stories of other families. At least they were gathering. But today, each person has their own screen and is isolated in an individual bubble, sometimes literally with noise-canceling headphones to shut you out. And they imagine their own story through various forms of social media. We long ago left behind the ideal of a nuclear family, and for most people, it's not coming back. But when modern culture forced us to exchange bigger, interconnected, multi-generational families for smaller, detached families, that did more long-term damage than we could ever have anticipated.
You could summarize some of the dramatic societal changes that we've been through in two statements. Number one: We've made life more unrestricted for individuals, but more unstable for families. And number two: We've made life easier for adults, but harder for children. So our culture is literally stuck. We need the stability of a family, but we want the mobility of some kind of wealthy leisure traveler. We need the security of morality, but we want the liberty to adopt any lifestyle we choose. We need deep generational roots, but we opt for shallow online relationships. We need true riches, but all we have is money. And so, to fill the void that has been created by this emotional disconnect, we devote more and more and more hours to our careers, our entertainment, and our addictions, and we devote far less time to each other. If insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results, then what we have done to the family in our generation is perhaps the ultimate insanity.
But that's far from the worst consequence of our narcissistic fascination with our own selfish pursuits. When marriage and the family come under attack, the most vulnerable among us bear the brunt of the assault. Babies are murdered in the womb. Children are abused in the home. And teenagers are sexualized in school. They are all victims of the sinister lies of a godless agenda, teaching them that humans can casually experiment with sex, randomly manipulate their gender, or surgically mutilate their bodies without suffering lifelong consequences. It's just not true. It's a lie.
But it has become even more perverse. In Canada, abortion is legal for any reason up until birth and is paid for by public health care. Canada has now amended its euthanasia program so that death no longer has to be reasonably foreseeable for someone to qualify for assisted suicide. Medical Assistance in Dying, or MAID, is already available to the terminally ill, the disabled, or the elderly, or it's an option for those family members who happen to hold their medical power of attorney. But some politicians and some physicians in our country are now pushing for those with mental health issues, severely disabled newborns, and 14 to 17-year-olds to also be eligible for assisted suicide. That's our country.
Recent studies show that nearly 20% of people cited loneliness as their reason for wanting to die, and nearly 40% of patients believe that they were a burden on their family, their friends, or their caregivers. So it's very easy to see how euthanasia can become very manipulative, very quickly. And that's why assisted suicide increased 32% in Canada last year, and why it is now responsible for taking the lives of more than ten thousand of our citizens every year. It's a very slippery slope because as soon as the door opens to kill one particular group of people, all in the name of choice and all in the name of compassion, of course, as soon as the door opens for one group, that door only gets kicked open even wider for another group.
Here's the bottom line. As we begin this series this week: A culture that doesn't value some lives ultimately won't value any lives. Here's the bottom line: A culture that doesn't value family ultimately won't value humanity. Strong families, and strong marriages, and strong saints of God have never, ever, ever been more important than they are right now, in this hour, in this day, in this generation. [Applause]
Now, admittedly, an understanding of family in the Bible can be a little bit complicated. That's because the word "family" is used to translate several different Hebrew words, none of which mean exactly what family means to us today. For example, the word "family" in the Bible can refer to one's clan, tribe, kinsmen, countrymen, ancestors, descendants, or nation. So it's a much broader definition than what we typically use in our culture. However, when it comes to a household of people doing life together, let me tell you, we have a lot in common with Bible times and Bible families.
When God saved Noah from the flood, he saved his family too. When God called Abraham to follow him, he called his family too. When God preserved Joseph in Egypt, he preserved his family too. When God blessed David with a dynasty, he blessed his family too. When God judged Achan, he judged his family too. When God delivered Rahab, he delivered her family too. When God restored Job, he restored his family too. When Israel was given the Ten Commandments, one command specifically honored family: "Honor thy father and thy mother." And one command specifically honored marriage: "Thou shalt not commit adultery." In fact, God instituted the sanctity of life, the covenant of marriage, and the importance of family in the very first chapter of your Bible. So God created man in his own image. In the image of God created he him. Male and female created he them. And God blessed them. And God said unto them, "Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, have families, and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and the fowl of the air, and every living thing that moveth upon the earth." In just a couple of verses, the sanctity of life, made in the image of God, the covenant of marriage, and the importance of family.
Now, we sometimes we talk about the biblical model for family. You'll hear pastors say, you'll hear other preachers saying, "the biblical model for family." And we'll talk about that in sermons. Please know that when we refer to the biblical model for the family, we are talking about biblical theology, definitely not biblical history. If most of the families in the Bible, especially from the Old Testament, if they showed up at this church, we would send them for counseling. We wouldn't even want them in a service. They didn't get it right most of the time. Do you know why? It's because they refused to live according to God's principles, and because they refused to listen to the priests and prophets and other leaders that God gave to them. But the Lord is so good. He left their stories in his word so that we could have examples, and so we could know that whatever failures are in our own families, it doesn't have to be fatal. If a family of a man named David could survive and be blessed by God, your family can survive and be blessed by God. If the dysfunctional family of a man named Moses, or or a man named Abraham, if those families could survive and be blessed, your family can be blessed.
Outside of the historical and prophetic books of the King James Version Old Testament, the word "family" doesn't make many appearances. Outside of the books of history and the books of prophecy. In fact, only two appearances outside of those books, both in the Book of Psalms. Psalm 68 and verse 6: "God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land." And then Psalm 107, verse 41: "Yet setteth he the poor on high from affliction, and maketh him families like a flock." To me, it's very significant that in both cases, even in the King James Version Old Testament, God promises to put those who have no family into a family. God promises that no matter where you come from, if you don't have, uh, my grandmother would say, "a chicken or a child." I don't know what even that means. She lived on a farm, so maybe it's something to do with that. You don't have anybody in your history, in your pedigree, in your lineage that has anything to do with church or God or apostolic or Christian. Let me tell you, you're welcome here because God sets solitary people in his great family.
And while that's significant in the Old Testament, it's even more significant in the King James Version New Testament, where the word "family" is actually used only once. But this time, it's about our spiritual family. Paul wrote, "For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named." I gotta pause right there and say, you know what? We've got lots of God's family down here, but we've got just as many or more of God's family over in heaven. It's an amazing thing to belong to this family. There's family in heaven, there's family on earth. That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; that Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, watch this, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; and to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fullness of God.
There are as many variations on family as there are people in this room tonight, and every one of those variations are valuable to God, and every one of those variations are loved by us. God does not care one wit about your history. He cares only about your destiny. Your earthly family may be damaged or distant or dysfunctional, but you have a church family. Your earthly family may be sick or sinful or struggling, but let me tell you, you have a church family. You may live alone or feel totally abandoned, but the good news is, you have a church family. And that beautiful family shares the same name. It's the name of Jesus. So it's a safe place to be rooted and grounded, to learn and grow, to receive blessing and strength, and most of all, to be loved by your heavenly Father and by his great family of God.
I don't know about you. I can't speak for you. I'm not trying to manipulate you. But I just want to stop and say, "Thank you, God, for your family, and that you put me into it." I'm not worthy to belong to it. I don't have a pedigree that would demand that I be here, but God's mercy lifted me up and grafted me in and gave me a firm foundation, and I'm forever grateful for that. It's amazing. First-century Christianity was centered on the family. Centered on the family, but maybe not in the way that you might think. The word "church" appears in Acts 18 times. Not one time does it refer to a building. The word "house" appears in the book of Acts 39 times, and almost every time it is referring to where the church met and ministered and preached and prayed and sang and worshiped and baptized and evangelized. It's referring to the places where they saw miracles and sent missionaries. You see, the family and the household and the church were interdependent in the New Testament. They weren't divided. They didn't operate by different agendas or value systems. They were tied together: the church, the household, and the family. And that's why you see phrases like this scattered throughout your New Testament: "As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith." Paul wrote in Ephesians, "Now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellowcitizens with the saints, and of the household of God." And Paul concluded his great letter to the Romans by saying this: "Likewise greet the church that is in their house."
I wonder if Paul was writing a letter today to some of us, if he could say the very same thing: "Greet the church that is in their house." Oh, but Pastor Raymond, we've got great buildings now. Yes, we do. We've got great sanctuaries now. Yes, we do. But there's still something that doesn't get achieved in a sanctuary. It has to be achieved with the church that is in your house. If there's no church at your house, you need to do something about that. If the only church you ever get, if the only church your kids ever experience, is at 71 Downing Street, my goodness, you need to do something about that. It's not the day to have part-time Christians and temporary church. [Applause]
And so we begin tonight. I wanted to give you the bad news. It's bad out there. The family's under attack. The devil is rampaging through our culture. Everything is upside down, and good is being called evil, and evil is being called good. And it all begs this question: How apostolic would our church be? How powerful would our church be? How anointed would our church be if its spiritual strength was measured by the spiritual strength of your family in your home? Do the values of your family reflect the values of your pastor and your church? Or do your values at home reject the values that we talk about here? Is your family weak, or is your family strong? It's an important question. And the younger you are in this room, the more time you have to fix it, we hope. But the truth is, the rapture is barreling down at us like a freight train, so none of us have too much time to get this right. But if the Lord tarries for 20, 40, 60 years, then it's going to become not less important to move quickly, it's going to become more important to move quickly, because your little children and your precious grandchildren are heading into an ungodly age with no moorings, no morals. And if we ever had a generation that needs to have a move of God in their church and in their house, it is this generation.
I thank God for crowds and scores of young people packed around this altar on the weekend. But we need young people that know how to pray at home in their bedroom. I thank God for parents that had the sense to get out to the house of God, even though it wasn't your music or your favorite preacher, perhaps, but you came to support that great anointed preacher and these wonderful young people. I thank God you were here. But the point is, it's not just here. We need some parents that can take this and transport it home, so there's a move of God in your living room or in your kitchen. Because when the enemy comes in like a flood, there's got to be something inside of you that lifts up a standard against them.
So I want to talk to you tonight about five ways to fight for your family. Five ways to fight for your family. Some of you, if you're young and tech-savvy, or old and tech-savvy, Facebook, you may want to take a picture or two of the screen, get some resources as we go through this. Principle number one: If you're going to fight for your family, number one, fight on the same side. Stop fighting each other and start fighting the enemy of your family. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. We talk about it. Pastor counsels with people about it. We talk about marriage problems. There's no such thing as a marriage problem. There's a spiritual problem that becomes a single problem, and then that single problem gets married to another single problem, and that's what we call a marriage problem. It all goes back to a spiritual problem. And if we can ever wrestle against the right foe, your enemy is not your spouse. Your enemy is not your diligent pastor. Your enemy is not the church or the saints of God or the standards of righteousness that are preached from this pulpit. Your enemy is the devil. It is the accuser of the brethren. It is the dragon. It is the serpent. And he's trying to take you down.
Let me tell you, I know people have problems and issues and all kinds of stuff. Let me tell you what you feel and what is real are not the same thing. What you feel and what is real are not the same thing. Behind everything you're dealing with, behind every struggle you're facing, behind every doubt that has ever entered your mind, behind every suicidal thought that has tried to pierce your brain, behind every struggle that you've had with your spouse or your kids, is an enemy. And he's the real one. And he's trying to bring down the family of God and our physical families. So what you feel against them and what is real are not the same thing at all.
Now, here's a principle or two that will bless your family. Ephesians 5: "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. And husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." Wives, submit like Jesus. Husbands, love like Jesus. If we both do that, we will have happy homes and blessed marriages. Submission is not about ability. Submission is not about superiority or inferiority. Submission is about the order of creation only, and God blessed that and said it was good. And that's why, yes, we still teach it in the year of our Lord 2023. But we don't teach it as a club to be used. And if you've got that spirit in you, sir, you're not a husband who loves your wife as Christ loves the church. He gave himself for the church. You know how much he gave himself for the church? He laid down his life for the church. God is wanting to enlist some godly men that will stand their ground in their homes and for their families and fight for their family.
And it goes on. Ephesians is a great book. You need to read it sometime. Chapter six: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." Some parent in here say, "Amen." Oh, there's another verse. "And fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." So just like there's a balance between wives and husbands, between submission and love, there's this balance. Children, obey like Jesus. And parents, nurture like Jesus. Your children don't need to see your anger. They don't need to hear you screaming at them. They don't need to be beat within an inch of their lives just because you're mad at whatever they did or whatever you did. Your children deserve your love. They deserve to be nurtured like Jesus would nurture them. I know we need correction and discipline, and the Bible does say it talks about the rod of correction. I got all of that. But if you're just doing that because you're having a bad day, you are so far out of line with the word of God that you need to go have a prayer meeting. Your children deserve to be nurtured like Jesus would nurture them. They're our treasure. We need to fight, but for heaven's sake, and for our family's sake, we need to fight on the same side. Stop squaring off against flesh and blood. Stop squaring off against somebody that irritates you. Stop squaring off against some other family member, and you just duke it out until you both go to bed angry. Stop doing that. That's not your enemy. They're not your enemy. They're your family. Fight on the same side.
Secondly, if you're going to fight for your family, you need to learn a second language. Yeah, we're a bilingual province, I know. And most of us have about as much French as I do: "Bonjour, comment ça va, au revoir." That's it. Learn a second language. I'm not talking about an earthly language. Colossians 4 and 6: "Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man." Ephesians 4, back to Ephesians, that great book: "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers." Something you need to learn. And there are wonderful resources that can help us. And according to much research, this is actually one of the key struggles in family tensions, whether between husband and wife, whether between parent and child, or whether between friends or work associates. So don't tune me out if you're not married or you don't have children. Different people with different personalities give and receive love in different ways. So you need to learn a second language. You need to learn to speak the love language of your loved ones. It's a practical series. We don't apologize for that. It's family month, and we need the help in the 21st century. And so we've got wonderful resources available to us today. Different people with different personalities, they speak different love languages. You need to learn to speak the love language of your loved ones by learning to recognize how you prefer to receive and give love, and recognizing how your friends or your loved ones or your children or your spouse prefers to give and receive love. You can identify the root of many of your conflicts. You can connect more profoundly. You can truly begin to grow closer.
A wonderful Dr. Chapman, he's written many, many marriage books. Uh, Gary Chapman. He's a wonderful guy. And he suggests that there are five love languages. It's probably his most popular book. It's been on bestseller lists for years. The five love languages he identifies are: Acts of Service. People doing something for someone else. Some people to re prefer to receive love or to give love that way. Receiving Gifts. Some people, they just are delighted to receive a gift. Not talking about an expensive gift, just the thoughtfulness of a gift. Some people, they receive or they give love through Quality Time. They want to spend time together. They don't care about gifts. They don't care about you doing anything for them. They just want to spend time with you. Can you imagine the conflict set up by somebody that just, it's like a Mary and Martha thing in the Bible? Mary, she's acts of ser- or Martha, she's acts of service all the way. She's in the kitchen cooking. She's going to prepare a meal. Jesus and all those men that he showed up with, they're going to be well-fed, and it's going to be a good meal. Acts of service is her love language. But Mary's love language is quality time. She wants to spend time at the feet of Jesus. That's how she gives and receives love. Can you imagine the conflict in that household? No wonder Lazarus checked out and died. No wonder Jesus never let you off the hook, does he? Come on back, boy. Acts of service, receiving gifts, words of affirmation. Some people, the way they prefer to give and receive love is by having somebody speak affirmation to them or over them or about them. And other people is physical touch. Appropriate physical touch, of course. In our generation, sad, we have to say that.
There is a quiz you can take. It's a very easy quiz. You can do it on your phone. Don't do it now. You can do it on your laptop. Five, number five, five love languages.com. It's wonderful. There are other tools there, other quizzes there about your apology language. Some of you really need to take that test, probably. Um, and, and it's wonderful. And we have these tools, and they can help you. And so it might save you a whole lot of tension in your home. Learn a second language.
Number three: If you're going to fight for your family, this is so important, and it's one of the reasons we've asked for our young couples to be in these sessions this month. Number three: Embrace all the ages and all the stages. Embrace them. They don't last very long. Ecclesiastes chapter 3 and verse 1, it seems to me some preacher recently just talked about Ecclesiastes. "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." Everything comes and goes in seasons. Now, I'm going to bear down specifically here, not to leave anybody out. There are principles here for everybody. Because you've heard the, the saying, "It takes a village to raise a child." But let me tell you, that may or may not be true. But let me tell you, it does take a church to raise a child. We need to help our young couples. We don't need to look down on them because their child is making a little bit of noise. We don't need to be aggravated with them because a two-year-old is running around. Two-year-olds happen to run around. We, we don't need to be kind of looking around because some baby cried in a service. Do you understand how precious it is to have a little baby soaking up the presence of God when they're not even old enough to talk, and yet they get to feel the anointing and feel the worship? You say, "I don't think they really know what's going on." I don't care if they know what's going on. I've been in enough services where I didn't know what was going on, but God still touched me. God still healed me. God still delivered me. So I want every age and stage in the house of God. [Applause]
If there's anything you can do to help a family in this church raise their kids in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord, it is incumbent on us. "I already did my time." Yes, you did. And you belong in jail with an attitude like that. I haven't done my time. I live to see the church grow. I live to see young people getting married and falling in love and having their babies and raising them in the church. I live for all of that. I live for our single adults that are standing up and being moral and godly in an era that tells them just play the field and play around. I live for people just like that. I live for gray-haired senior saints that still have a hug for somebody and a smile for somebody. Not that fond of grouches, but I like the rest of them. Raising children is a season, and it ends far too quickly, and it turns into memories. Young families that are in here, yes, the days feel long, but let me tell you, the years are short. I just read a book that I really enjoyed, and unless Beverly has some kind of surprise, we're beyond our parenting days. Um, I think I just did mention Abraham a few minutes ago. While another thou art calling, Lord, please pass me by. Just read a wonderful book. It's simply called "Parenting." It's by a Southern Baptist pastor and his wife, Andy and Sandra Stanley. It's a wonderful book for some of you young families. It really, really is. And, and this is from that book, and I borrow freely from it. These are the four seasons or the four stages of raising your kids.
First of all, there's the discipline years, from the age of zero up to five. And what you do in the discipline years is you try to teach those very young children. You teach them the consequences. Teach them that there are good and bad consequences to their actions. That's what you try to teach before they go off to school to be taught by somebody else. That if you do this, it's rewarding, but if you do this, it's harmful. It's hurtful. It hurts your sister. It hurts your brother. It hurts you. Makes your mom feel bad. Makes your dad have to do extra work because you made that mess or you did whatever. Teach them the consequences, good and bad, to their actions. And so in these years, discipline must be consistent. Please hear an old guy. Discipline can't be based on your mood at the moment. You've all been in stores in this very city, this quaint little town, where some beast took a hold of some precious little kid, and he or she was just having a bad day, and that poor little tyke, that didn't even know what they were doing or why their mom or dad was angry, got yanked by the arm and pulled into a cart and just yelled at. That is not discipline. That's just your anger problem. That's all that is. Discipline is to help that person, that little child, not to vent your anger. So make sure discipline is consistent in these years, not dependent on your mood. And make sure that consequences are immediate. Here's how that works: three and four-year-olds do not do long-form division, and they don't do linear arguments, and they don't do time frames very well either. So if you've got a three or four-year-old to say, "You're going to get punished next week," that doesn't matter. They don't connect that. They need to be punished when they do something. The consequences must be immediate. That's the discipline years.
But then, although parents can get stuck in the discipline years, children automatically move to the next level. And if you're not careful, you'll be stuck back there, and your children have grown out of that. And the next segment of their life is the training years. This is some of their early schooling, age five to age twelve. And in the training years, it shifts subtly. You still discipline, but you explain the why behind the rules. This is why in our family, we don't say that. This is why in our family, we don't do that. This is why we don't do that at church. This is why we don't talk that way to Grandma or Grandpa. This is why we don't do that to the neighbor's yard. This is why there are still consequences, but now we're explaining the why, because they're old enough to understand. And so we train while we explain. Here's something you've got to get in your kids during those years, because let me tell you, the school system is not going to teach them this anymore. Honoring others must be learned by your children. You've got to teach them how to honor others. I may be old, but I still like for children to address adults and others with respect. I, I still like that. You can call me old if you want. It's just that I've got a brain. Honoring others must be learned. Now, on the other hand, selfishness, it's already learned. And so selfishness must be tamed. You've got to tamp down their selfish nature, and you've got to teach them to honor others. And if they honor others, their life will be blessed. Somebody is going to discipline and train your children. You want it to be you, not the school system, not the police when they're 22. You want to do that yourself as a parent. The training years.
And then you move at age 12 to the end of their schooling, you move to the coaching years. And during these years, it's important to move out of the correction phase, because that's all we've been doing for the last 12 years is correcting, training, explaining why, don't do that, discipline, consequences. And it's important to move beyond that correction and to connect with them more than you correct them. Don't let your teenager drop down into a black hole of oblivion because you gave them one of these and you're not supervising that. Don't lose your teenager needlessly because you don't have the time or the energy or the ambition to connect with them. Connect more than you correct. Cultivate conversations with them. You know how teenage conversations go? "Yup." "Good." "Nope." It's about like conversations from men who get home from ministry trips and their wife says, "How did it go?" "Yup." "Good." "No." She had to push a little bit. Cultivate conversations. Here's what's so important during those last years of schooling: Let them learn lessons. Don't bail your kids out. If you have ever gone to a public school in this city and told off a teacher for disciplining your child, you need to go back and apologize to that teacher. [Applause] You represent this church and the family of God, and you represent your family and your Christianity. I know there are teachers that push agendas. I know there are teachers that you need to speak to them and say, "I don't think you were fair." But you do it respectfully. You do it with a Christian attitude, don't you? Don't let your child see you defend their wrong against somebody that's trying to teach them or train them. That is the height of sheer stupidity because what you're going to train in them is a disrespect for authority. What you're going to train in them is that every time I get in trouble, somebody owes me a bailout, and it's my mom and dad. I've watched parents spend oodles of money doing all kinds of stuff for their kids, trying to make their kid feel like Mom or Dad is your buddy. They don't need a buddy. They need a mommy and they need a daddy. They don't need a buddy. They need you. They need you. And if you've ever gone head to head, face to face, toe to toe with somebody else over your precious little one who's not so little and is just downright lazy and is trying to game the system at school, you owe an apology to that educator, and you owe an apology to your child. Let them learn their lessons while the penalties of failure are still manageable. But they'll fail a grade, but they'll fail a test, but they'll fail a course. Let them do that. Better that than they get arrested for selling drugs because somebody always bails them out, and they're expecting Mom and Dad to come bail them out. Then say, "Pastor, could we do some Ecclesiastes coaching years?"
And then finally, this is what you want: the friendship years. After they get 18, after they're out of school, after they're getting on their own and going to college and getting a career and job and getting married and having kids of their own, you want to be able to engage with your kids as adults who simply enjoy each other's company. You don't want your kids to be bracing for impact the moment they graduate so they can get away from you because you mishandled them all of their growing up years. And just one little caveat here, and I'll move on because you're getting tense and I feel badly for you. Unsolicited advice to adult children often feels like criticism. There are parents who are still bossing their kids around when the parents are 95 years old. They are not your job to boss around anymore. And when you pick apart the way they parent their kids, and you pick apart the house they bought, or the car they bought, all you're doing is putting a wall between you. You don't want a wall between you and your family. You want to enjoy your family. You want to have fellowship with your family. Your relationship with your children is determined by the law of the harvest. You must sow now if you want to reap later. And later lasts longer. We had Matt and Emily at home for less than 20 years, basically just around two decades, and now they're living. And if the Lord tarries, the longest part of our relationship is going to be after they leave home. Later is longer. So you discipline not with today's mood in mind. You discipline with later in mind. Can I just drop the bomb here? It's okay if your children don't like you now because you want them to love you later. That's important. In fact, it's okay if you're in the teenage years. Let me just prophesy over you: there will be days that they hate you now, but you'd rather have that and have them love you later and love you longer. Hebrews 12: "Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, it is grievous: nevertheless afterward, somebody say afterward, it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby." Especially with children, what gets rewarded gets repeated. So don't reward bad behavior. Reward good behavior. Don't reward bad moods. Reward good moods. What gets rewarded gets repeated.
And finally, one last note, and we'll move on. If your child backslides, it will break your heart, but don't let it break your relationship. And stop worrying about your reputation. Would you forget your stupid reputation? If you've got a child that's in danger spiritually, you go after that child. And don't you worry about, "Well, what if," say, somebody thinks this because my child's into that, and what if they think I, what if they think I'm in favor? We're adults here. We get it. You love your child. You don't love all the sin that they're in. It's biblical for you to love the child that you brought into this world, and they were created in the image of God. And if that image is marred right now, you still love them. It will break your heart. It will break our heart, but don't you break that relationship with that child. Sorry, little riled up.
If you want to fight for your family, forgive one another. Smartest words ever put on a shampoo bottle. Repeat. We buy double every year. Ephesians chapter 4, verse 32: "And be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." I know we've been talking about parenting for a few minutes. Everybody else, come on back. The more years you live, the more you will have to forgive, and the more you will need forgiveness from somebody else. If you're married, marriage is a covenant, not a contract. Contracts say, "I will if you will. If you don't, I won't." Marriage is not a contract. Marriage is a covenant. Covenants say, "I will, even if you can't, even if you don't, even if you won't." And can I tell you, if you're going to reach family members and friends and loved ones and work associates, you need to enter into a covenant of evangelism with them. They're not always going to respond the first conversation, or even the first year. But I'm going to love you to God, even if you can't see it, even if you don't want it, even if you won't respond. I'm just going to keep loving you and praying for you.
Forgiveness is important in our relationships. Poor Peter, he gets such a, he has such a hard time in scripture, always putting his foot in his mouth, cutting people's ears off. I've never been tempted to cut anybody's ears off. Tongues, another matter, but ears, never. Not once. Peter came to Jesus, and he's just trying to defend himself. "Lord, could we at least have a limit here? How often does my brother get to sin against me, and I have to forgive him? Seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I say not unto thee until seven times." Peter must have just about fallen down. But until seventy times seven. Now, depending on the Bible translation you've got, some translations say 70 times 7, some say 77. And that's because it's not an error, it's an expression in the Hebrew language translated into Greek. It isn't a number, it's a principle. It isn't a math problem, it's a miraculous solution. And Jesus is the one who said it. You forgive as many times as it takes. Could we stop ruining great friendships over some stupid, trivial little matter? Could we stop having tension in our homes over stuff that you don't even remember how the fight got started, but you just haven't dropped the anger yet? It takes two to fight. It only takes one to forgive. You can stop the tension if you'll just forgive and love back, even when they haven't caught up with you yet. Forgiveness is not about feeling different in the future, and it's not about forgetting the past. Forgiveness is a choice that you make today and every day until it's resolved. Ephesians chapter 4, that great book of Ephesians, we've been there a little bit tonight. "Be ye angry, for some of you, that's the three words you've got posted on your fridge. Take it down. Put the rest of the verse: "and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath, neither give place to the devil." Don't go to bed angry. Call them and make it right. You say, "If I don't go to bed angry, I'll be up half the night fighting." Well, go for it. You'd be better to miss tomorrow at work and get the tension resolved in your home than go to bed angry night after night, week after week. Here's the principle in the Bible: If you give the devil a foothold, it will eventually become a stronghold. So don't you go to bed without forgiving. That needs to be on your daily prayer list: the people you forgive. I've said it off, and I'll say it one more time, and we'll move to our last point. Couples do not fall out of love. They fall out of forgiveness. That's what happens, and it wrecks marriages every day of every week of every month of every year in our country. Stay in forgiveness. Stay in repentance.
And finally, if you really want to fight for your family, and you sure need to in this day and age, would you just man up or woman up, or whatever your expression is, and be the hero of your story? Stop waiting for somebody else to do all the heavy lifting in your family or in your friendships. Stop waiting for somebody else to be the big person. And, "Well, they didn't say sorry to me." "Well, they did it first." "Well, they would." Would you stop and grow up? Be the hero in your story. Most people think that successful relationships are about finding the right person. If that's true, then the Bible offers essentially no help on that subject. But the Bible has chapters and pages and books, lots to say about becoming the right person yourself. So maybe the question we need to ask is, what one preacher asked: "Are you who the person you are looking for is looking for?" Are you that person you're looking for? Somebody that's the opposite of you because you're so angry and petty and trivial and unspiritual, and you're looking for somebody else that's got all that stuff so you can ruin their life? Would you stop that? Work on yourself. Become the person that you're looking for, and then you'll find somebody like you.
If you are in a home, whether you're there all alone, living on your own, or whether you have a family with a number of kids, or whether you're a blended family, or a precious senior in your home, you are a mirror. Your family and your friends and your church, we see our reflection in you. It hurts us when you're angry and frustrated. It hurts us when you just go from one bad mood to another. We see our reflection in you. If you live in a house with other people, they see their reflection in you. And the younger they are, the more they are impacted by it. Your children, when you walk in with a scowl on your face, they see their reflection. They know you're angry with them. They don't even know why. I want to be the kind of parent and grandparent that when my kids or grandkids walk in a room, my face lights up, and my arms swing open, every single time.
You're not only a mirror, you're a thermostat. You set the temperature in your home. Your home can be cold spiritually, or your home can be too hot with anger. You set the temperature. You control it. You're the adult in your home. Stop being the child in your home. You are the thermostat. You set the temperature. I wish we could be red hot in revival in our homes, and not red hot in anger. I wish we could cool down in emotion and moods and anger, and not cool off spiritually when we leave the church house and go to our house. You're the thermostat.
And finally, if you're the adult, you're the compass in your home. You set the direction for your family. Joshua said it perhaps the best: "As for me and my house, if I have anything to do with it, God helping me, we will serve the Lord." You set the direction for your family. You're the compass.
I hope something's helpful here to you tonight. I would close with a scripture and a statement. It is not possible. It is not possible to have a better family, or a better marriage, or a better friendship, or a better church, until we have better hearts. When we have better hearts, then all the rest gets better. But the heart, the Bible says, "Guard your heart, for out of it are the issues of life." It affects everything you do. Last scripture: Be the hero in your family. Be the superhero that your kids look up to and your grandkids admire, and they run for you, not from you. Paul said this to the Philippians: "Those things which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, ye have watched me as an example. Now go do them." And the God of peace shall be with you. Word to God. Every parent, every senior saint, every friend could say that: "Watch me serve Jesus, and the things which you've learned and received and heard and seen in me, if you'll go do them, you're going to make heaven your home." There's no more important arena to be able to say that than in your home.
I just want to lead you tonight in a moment of very sincere repentance, and we'll get you on your way. But I hope you're with me tonight, because sometimes we make terrible mistakes, and we get so preoccupied with all the cares of life that we ignore the things that are most precious to us. Could I ask everybody in this room to stand? If you're with friends, family, brothers and sisters in the family of God, would you connect with at least one person? And I'm going to ask us to lift up our voice, and let's lift it up in praise for a moment to saturate the atmosphere, and then we're going to pray together a prayer of repentance. Would you pray? Just worship God for a minute. Let your voice out. Let it, let it loud. Let it, let it rise. Let prayer arise. Abortion.