Transcription
It has been the hardest year of my life, and I wanted to share something that I learned with y'all.
Um, when I was younger, I used to define myself as an actor, right? Which was never really all that fulfilling. And then I became a husband, and that was much better. And then I became a father, and that was the ultimate. I could define myself then as a loving, capable, strong, supportive husband, father, provider, steward of the land that we're so lucky to live on. And for a long time, that felt like a really good definition to the question, "Who who am I? What am I?"
And then this year, I had to look my own mortality in the eye. I had to come nose to nose with death. And all of those definitions that I cared so deeply about were stripped from me. I was away for treatment. So I could no longer be a husband that was helpful to my wife. I could no longer be a father who could pick up his kids and put them to bed and be there for them. I could not be a provider because I wasn't working. I couldn't even be a steward of the land because at times I was too weak to prune all the trees during the window that you're supposed to prune them.
And so I was faced with the question, "If I am just a a too skinny, weak guy alone in an apartment with cancer, what am I?" And I meditated, and the answer came through. I am worthy of God's love simply because I exist. And if I'm worthy of God's love, shouldn't I also be worthy of my own?
And the same is true for you. And as I move through this healing portal toward recovery, I wanted to share that with you because I think that revelation that came to me was due in no small part to all the prayers and the love that had been directed toward me. So I offer that to you. However it sits in your consciousness, however it resonates, run with it.
And if the word "God" trips you up, um, I certainly don't know. I can't claim to know what God is or explain God. Uh, my efforts to connect to God are an ongoing process that is a constant unfolding mystery to me. But if it's a trigger, it feels too religious, you can take the word "God" out, and your mantra can simply be, "I am worthy of love." Because you are.
Thank you for the love and prayers, everyone. Have a blessed day.