Transcription
I'm Jimmy. I'm the host of the show. Please relax. Thanks for watching. Thanks for watching at home. And the We are uh Well, thank you. We are coming to you from the no longer embattled city of Los Angeles. We are safe. We are sound thanks to our president who saved us from ourselves by calling in the National Guard to stop a conflict that never started but could have had he not acted to prevent an entirely fabricated crisis from spinning out of his imagination and onto our streets. Thank you, Mr. President. Thank you for sending troops to occupy all of these Democratun cities whether we want them or not. And we do not.
You know, after his big successes stopping nothing here and in Washington, Trump is sending the National Guard now into Portland and Chicago. He's sending the Texas National Guard into Chicago. All dressed in camouflage, by the way. And I wanted to say, I know you're from Texas, guys. Camouflage will not help you blend in in Chicago. You would be better off dressed as Kilbasa in Chicago. Illinois state and local officials strongly opposed troops being sent into the Windy City. President Trump responded to that by calling for the governor and mayor to be jailed. That's a normal thing for presidents to do, right?
This campaign to uh own the libs and deport everybody with a vowel at the end of their name is the passion project of a sick bald individual named Steven Miller. He is Trump's deputy chief of staff and he is doing everything he can to turn this country into a militarized zone.
>> Well, the administration filed an appeal this morning with the Ninth Circuit. I would note the administration won an identical case in the Ninth Circuit just a few months ago with respect to the federalizing of the California National Guard. Under title 10 of the US code, the president has plenary authority has Stephen Stephen. Hey, Stephen. Can you hear me? Sometimes the batteries on dildos run out. You have to probably didn't have a USB cable. You have to recharge them.
Not only is this incredibly dangerous and unnecessary, it's also just dumb. Trump is reported to be seriously considering invoking the Insurrection Act, which is a law from 1807 that would allow him to use the military to enforce his rules. This guy can't keep his insurrection in his pants anymore. He's Trump and his buddies on the right-wing media are talking about Portland like it's a scene from The Last of Us when the reality is this is what these troops are being called in to stop.
[Music] YMCA. [Music] [Applause]
>> They're taking it back. They're taking back YMCA. We are reclaiming our village people in Portland. I think it's important that we know what is really going on. So if you live in Portland, Chicago, Memphis, DC, any of the cities where Trump is sending in the National Guard to protect you from squirrels, I don't know. We want to see it. We want to see what's going on. So please make a video of your war torn community and post it to YouTube with the hashtag showmeyour hell hole and then look for a message from us so we can share it on the show. We want to see all the horrors the administration is defending you from.
This is day eight now of the shutdown, which is causing headaches for millions of Americans, and we can't even take Tylenol for it anymore. One of the concerns that Democrats had about getting into this was that Trump might take the opportunity to fire a whole bunch of federal workers. He promised to do that, but according to at least one White House official, they haven't acted on it because, quote, "We do not want to appear gleeful about people losing their jobs." Unless, of course, those people work at a late night talk show, in which case it's entirely different.
I actually got a a shout out, a number of shout outs at a Senate hearing today on the subject of censorship. They were talking about uh Julius FC Caesar and his minions threatening to revoke the broadcast licenses held by ABC and NBC for not kissing his cantalopes enough. And no one laid it out better this afternoon than Nevada Senator Jackie Rosen. President Trump has said outright that the reason the FCC should revoke broadcast licenses is because of negative coverage of his administration. This is the clearest possible violation of the First Amendment. The president of the United States directing an agency to revoke a license of networks that run a critical story of him. This is government censorship by our president. Plain and simple. It's what they do in Russia. It's what they do in North Korea. It's what they do in China. It is not what we do in a democracy.
>> Well, thank you, Senator Rosen. I I couldn't possibly agree more. I'm glad you guys are talking about this, and I look forward to sharing a cell with you in El Salvador. You can have the top bunk. I mentioned last night, this shutdown is wreaking havoc on air travel. Air traffic control in Philadelphia, Vegas, Nashville, Chicago, Houston, and Boston were all short staffed today. Tomorrow we'll just list the cities that aren't short staffed to save time. The FAA is reporting that a lot of air traffic controllers are calling in sick of not getting paid. So maybe we'd have more air traffic controllers if we offered them those $50,000 signing bonuses the new agents for ICE are getting. That's not a bad idea, right? I don't I don't know if you saw this, but in Burbank, things are so bad. They turn the air traffic control tower into a spirit Halloween. What a In times like these, you wish you could just fly on your pedophile best friend's private jet. But no.
While the Senate is having hearings, the House is closed for business. Mike Johnson has refused to open the doors because when he does, they'll have to swear in a Democrat who won a special election in Arizona and would likely be the deciding vote on whether to release the Epstein files. He could even swear her in now while the House is out of session. But Danny Donald doesn't want that, so he won't.
>> Why won't you swear her in?
>> Yeah. I mean, again, they're becoming experts at distraction and red herrings. This has absolutely nothing to do about Epstein. This is a scheduling matter.
>> There have been Republicans sworn in during pro- fora session. So why should it be different for a Democrat?
>> A great question. It's a it's there was a unique exception made when the two Florida representatives were sworn in earlier this year after winning a special election. And the only reason we did that is because it was previously noticed for that date and they flew all their families and friends in for the ceremony.
>> Right. Hey, well they had the back room booked at Olive Garden and he couldn't ruin that. The crazy thing is for the last few years, Republicans were the ones screaming for these Epstein files, and one of them still is and doesn't care what the rest of the party has to say about it.
>> There is no amount of pressure they can put on me to to force me to step in line on that, so to speak.
>> You know, things in Washington are broken when Marjgerie Taylor Green is the lone voice of reason on the Republican side. I mean, it's what is going on? First healthcare and now this. Did she get a visit from three ghosts?
>> I've always been an unapologetic uh Trump supporter. Um I was one of the very few that stood with him after January 6th, fought for him all over the country and helped him get reelected. Spent millions of dollars out of my own campaign to do that. Um and I've also supported many uh great Republicans getting elected as well. But I'm I'm not a um let's see what's the right way to say it. I I'm not a slave.
>> No, that wasn't the right way to say it. That's That was That's the wrong way to man. Next time maybe try Dormat. I think it would work better. And while Marge and the Democrats are busy focused on healthcare and the Epstein files, Mike Johnson, he's got bigger fish to fry.
>> Any reaction to Bad Bunny being chosen as the Super Bowl halftime.
>> I didn't even know who Bad Bunny was, but it sounds like a terrible decision uh in my view from hearing.
>> What's that?
>> How come? Well, it sounds like uh he's not someone who who appeals to a broader audience. And I think, you know, there's so many eyes on the Super Bowl. A lot of young impressionable children. And I think in my view, you would have Lee Greenwood or role models doing that. Not Not somebody like this.
>> Lee Greenwood. I the only name he could come up with is Lee Greenwood. Lee Greenwood is 82 years old. Mike, besides God Bless the USA, name one Lee Greenwood song. Let name one and we'll let him do the halftime show. I promise.
While we're on the topic of football, we have a new ambassador to the Bahamas. The Senate yesterday confirmed Hershel Walker to represent America. And if you're wondering what qualifies Hershel to be ambassador to the Bahamas, well, I I'll tell you, he won the Heisman Trophy in 1982 and he owns a bathing suit. So the biggest challenge will be making sure Hersel actually gets to Nassau and doesn't walk into a Tommy Bahamas instead, you know. Anyway, the good news is Hershel is now ambassador to the Bahamas. Bad news is he won't have as much time to spend at home with his families.
But the other point of outrage in Washington today was the arraignment of Trump's former FBI chief turned enemy, James Comey. At Trump's command, Comey has been indicted on charges related to authorizing a leak of classified information, even though investigators found insufficient evidence that he leaked classified information. And the prosecution's lead witness says he never leaked classified information. Other than that, though, lock him up. Comey faces up to 5 years in prison. Today, he pleaded not guilty. And the prosecutor in the case is a a Trump favorite, former Miss Colorado third runnerup, Lindseay Halligan, who has no experience in prosecution at all. There she is. She was an insurance lawyer, but she's very good-looking. Trump picks his lawyers like he's casting a reboot of suits. They brought Lindsay in at the last minute because the first prosecutor, who himself had been appointed by Trump to the US attorney's office four months ago, refused to take the case because of a lack of evidence and also because if you prosecute someone for vindictive reasons, you could lose your license to practice. And in Lindsay Allian's case, you could even lose your beauty pageant sash. So, this is serious. But the president using the the Department of Justice to prosecute people he doesn't like is very concerning, especially if personally speaking, you are one of the people he doesn't like.
No one makes enemies like Donald Trump. He even has a problem with the QAnon shaman. Now remember the guy in the horns who stormed the capital? Well, he's doing great, first of all, but he's suing his beloved president Trump. He's suing Trump, T-Mobile, and Warner Brothers for $40 trillion. Why? I don't know, but we tracked him down. He's in Arizona, and he is with us now. And let's say hello to the QAnon Shaman. Hello, Shaman. Qanon. Hello. Hello. Where uh are you right now? I'm at the Tempe Public Library.
>> Okay. And reading law books there? Masturbating. Okay. Let's make this quick. Okay. I I only get 10 minutes of Wi-Fi.
>> I understand. I just want to ask about this $40 trillion lawsuit. First of all, how do you arrive at the figure4 trillion? Dude, that's just an opening figure. Do you even know how negotiating works?
>> I guess not.
>> I mean, I hit him with 40 trillion. They come back with zero and then we land square in the middle at $25 trillion.
>> Shut.
>> Not square in the middle, but All right. And why are you suing Donald Trump? because he's out of his ding-dong deadly mind. The guy, he's not mentally fit to be president. But he pardoned you. He gave you a full pardon. I facto. Does that sound like a guy making rational decisions? I mean, I'm wearing horns and whacking it at the library. Okay, I Yes, I get it. But why sue him?
>> I'll tell you. Listen, we the people, the American people, went number two in Chuck Schumer's filing cabinet because we want the truth.
>> I'm pretty sure it was only you that did that. Objection. Move to strike. Look, President Trump promised to root out the pedo files and yet he won't release the Epstein files.
>> Listen, you ever Oh, there's a lady behind. You ever think maybe the reason that he won't release them is because his name might be in them?
>> Okay, here we go with the nutso conspiracy theories.
>> Oh, I'm the nutso conspiracy theorist.
>> He admitted it. Linda, you heard him. He's the conspiracy theor. Bro, you can't just throw out theories. You got to know where to look for clues. Have you even seen the new Taylor Swift video?
>> Yes. Okay, then you know that video is how they're spreading CTE and parameopause in this guy.
>> I think we're getting off topic here, Shaman. What would one even do with $40 trillion? You know, that's more than all the money in the world, right?
>> It's more than all the I I'm thinking about blowing out a wall in my mom's basement to get a flat screen. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Well, why are you suing T-Mobile? I am suing T-Mobile because no girl has called me back once in 15 years. And you know who you are, Tabitha. I want my promise ring. All right, one more. Why are you also suing Warner Brothers?
>> Uh cuz those dudes are thieves. They stole my whole look. Check this out. This is going to blow your mind.
>> Yeah,
>> we um
>> that's um that's identical. Elmer Fud, that cartoon is from the 50s, I think.
>> Bro, don't try to confuse me with numbers, okay? I don't have time for this. I've got to go prepare my briefs.
>> Are Oh, are you acting as your own attorney in this?
>> No, my briefs. I rinsed my underwear in the laundry mop bucket here at the library.
>> Okay, of course you do. Thank you, Shaman. Oh, Shaman got horns on those. You're looking good, by the way.
>> Thank you, Qon. Shaman Psaw. [Music]