She Doesn't Want What You Think She Wants

Today, I need to start this video with a little bit of a confession. 35 years ago, when I met my ex-wife, I assumed that women were pretty much the same as men, just with different plumbing. What I mean by that is I figured if I treated a woman basically the way I wanted to be treated that I couldn't go wrong. And for most of my relationships up to that point and most of them were relatively short. I think the longest I had was a little under two years that had worked. You know what I mean? Like that that that premise had worked.

Boy was I wrong. You ever tried to use a screwdriver instead of a hammer to pound in a nail? That's kind of what it's like. It's like it it kind of works. I mean, you kind of get started right, but when you get right down to the hard part, there's just not enough oomph in that screwdriver to drive that nail into a board. And my philosophy or my beliefs about women were like that screwdriver. Just enough oomph to get the job done.

Now today I want to talk to you guys a little bit about some of the red pill philosophy around women. However, I want to remove some of the negative connotations associated with red pill. Cuz to me, red pill means an enlightened approach. Seeing through the [ __ ] seeing through the matrix, right? That's what the movie is about. Seeing through the matrix. But it seems like for some reason this whole red pill thing has gotten a really bad rap. And it's because guys are hating on women in ways that I don't think it was ever intended to be. In fact, I would suggest that the term red pill has been hijacked by guys who have a real hatred for women. And I just don't see any reason to hate on women. The truth of the matter is, most of the guys that hate on women are guys who got burned by women. And rather than hating on them, I think you should take those burns and see if you can figure out why you got burnt. Because women are just women. Hating women is like hating gravity. [laughter] You know what I mean? It's like it's just a force of nature. You just can't hate on it. You're going to hate on all physics. You're just going to say, "Well, I don't like thermodynamics either." You know, it doesn't matter what you think. They are the way they are. Anyway, this is what we're going to talk about today. Let's get into it. This is life 2.0.

Have you ever seen a man give another man a greeting card that says, "You're beautiful inside and out." No. Why? Cuz the guy receiving that card would either punch his friend in the face, call an ambulance for him because he's obviously having a stroke, or completely lose respect for the man completely. Why is that? Because men don't talk to each other that way. Never have, never will. Women do this [ __ ] all the time. They buy each other greeting cards and say, "You're beautiful inside and out." Totally different approach, totally different thought, totally different logic. This is my point. This is something I didn't get 35 years ago for whatever reason. But they are completely different. They're they're built differently physically obviously, but emotionally, psychologically, everything about them is completely different. And unless you become a student of these differences, you will turn into one of those burned dread red pill guys who now hate women. And for me, going for the rest of my life without ever feeling the soft touch of a woman just does not seem like something I want to do. You know, I understand they're troublesome, but I think a lot of it has to do with my understanding and approach rather than with them necessarily. Now, granted, there are some crazy women. But let's be fair, guys. There's some real crazy guys, too. You know, I've had some friends do some stupid ass [ __ ] And I cannot explain it. No matter how masculine I try to turn, you know, phrase it or frame it, there's nothing masculine about it. But with that being said, we got to understand where they're coming from. And a big part of that has to do with their emotions.

See, as men, we think of emotions like a thermometer. We take the temperature. How am I feeling? I'm angry. Why am I angry? Traffic sucks. Solution: Take a detour. Problem solved. It's a very simple process that we go through. With women, their emotions are more like their GPS. It's not about giving them feedback on what their state is like we use it, but it's more about a condition of where they are emotionally in their world. Their emotions define them in ways that we just don't understand. So, as an example, if a woman says, "I don't feel," that's the key word, feel like we're connecting the way we used to. The man typically is going to defend himself. He's gonna say, "I don't know what you're talking about. Like, we had sex yesterday. [laughter] We're connecting just fine. I did all kinds of [ __ ] for you. I emptied the dishwasher. I think we're connecting. I'm doing all the things you want me to do. We are definitely connecting. You're wrong." Well, she's not [laughter] she's not evaluating you. She's telling you where she is on her emotional GPS. She's not giving you criticism. She's providing you with internal information. She's telling you, "I feel like we're not connecting." And you have to stop, reflect on that for a moment, and say, "Okay, this doesn't have anything to do with me." She didn't say, "You feel like you're not connecting." She said, "I feel like I'm not connecting." So, I feel means my GPS is telling me something's going on. Doesn't mean it's true. It just means that's what she's experiencing in the moment. Critical critical differences. I feel like we're not connecting is my GPS is telling me that something's wrong. Something isn't connecting correctly. Easy way to resolve it. You give her a big hug. Say, "Oh, honey, I think you're I think everything's okay. I love you. Do you want to sit and talk about it? Do you want to tell me how you feel? Please tell me why you're feeling this way." Boom. You're a hero. Just like that. Please tell me how you feel. I want to know. Tell me everything. These are the ways that women open up and they feel connected. But we men, we take it personally. We're like, you know, she's being a [ __ ] She's [ __ ] grinding on me. She's nagging me because she doesn't feel something one way or the other. And we're misinterpreting that data completely. And as a result, we create because of our misunderstanding the opportunity for fights. And what happens over time is these fights layer one on top of the other on top of the other on top of the other until she feels like she wants to get the [ __ ] out. Do you see what I mean?

Now, I know a lot of you guys have decided that American women just aren't cutting it anymore. And so you're breaking out your passports and you're heading to the developing world to find some young, beautiful, more traditional women. Well, I have a uh little surprise for you. There's a dating app called Crema Social which um brings together women from all over the world and allows you to basically video chat with them and you can buy them drinks, you can buy them dinner, you can do whatever you want, but you can have these dinners. It'll give you an opportunity to actually meet some of these women from these places before you decide to go. It may be that whatever you're looking for, you just have in your head and not in reality. So, this is going to give you the chance to go face to face with some very beautiful women. I signed on just to give it a shot to see what would happen. And honest to God, within the first half hour, I had 20 women reaching out to me wanting to set something up. So, I strongly recommend you give it a shot. I'll put a link here, right below me right now, and I'll put a link in the description as well.

So, the next one I didn't understand was women's interest in resources. Now, in a lot of other channels, you hear this whole transactional relationship thing, and I bought into that for a while. I really did. I start thinking, okay, so it's about me trading my resources for her sexual opportunity, and I'm I'm down with that to a certain degree, but there's a lot more going on there than meets the eye. You have to remember that women for just the beginning of time, practically had to be really careful about mate selection. Mate selection involved evaluating a man's ability to provide safety. And it's not just safety in terms of physical I can take care of you, but it's financial safety. It's emotional safety. It's physical safety and the ability to provide for not only her, but potentially her young. Now, you have to remember this has been going on since almost the beginning of time. So, this probably goes back before they were even human beings. Like this when we were swinging from trees, these were the mechanisms that were going on in female brains. And we are now experiencing it in the here present day and we're misinterpreting it as neurosis where women are just neurotic. You know, they're asking you all these stupid questions like what are your plans for the next 5 years? Where's this relationship going? Um, what do you see with your career? What do you want to do? What are your goals? They start asking you these questions. They're not just testing you. They're not just seeing like on a conscious level uh what interests you or what you have in planned for yourself, but this is an algorithm that's running in the background. Sort of like the way your phone runs updates automatically. This isn't something that I think they're even consciously aware of. There is a program running that is trying to help them evaluate your ability to provide the safety that is essential to their well-being. And if you fail this test, you are out the door.

Now, during the course of a relationship, as you get closer and closer or even after you're married, this test never stops. Like, this is something that goes on and on and on and on. And so you need to understand that this isn't just neurotic babbling, you know, that she's giving you. This is actually a sophisticated survival mechanism that is ingrained in their systems. Like I said, I don't think they even consciously have an awareness for what they're doing or why they're doing it. But there is something in their subconscious and their amydala or in their lyic system that is acutely aware of your answers and your behaviors and how you handle these situations. So rather than seeing them as being neurotic or nagging or you know testing you in some way, understand that that's what's actually happening and then answer the questions in a more appropriate way rather than just saying I don't know babe. I don't even know what I'm going to have for lunch today or you know um why are you asking me all these questions? This doesn't make any sense to me. I don't understand what you're looking for here. You know I thought we had this conversation last year. you know, nothing's changed. Just be aware. Emotional GPS is the system that's running this thing. And you [clears throat] got this genetic algorithm running in the background just trying to figure [ __ ] out. And when you combine those two things, if you give the wrong answer, that emotional GPS is going to go way off track. You're going to find yourself in the bushes somewhere wondering where the hell am I? And that's not where you want to go. That's definitely not where you want to go.

From a man's perspective, hypergamy is gold digging and monkey branching is um unethical. It's um lacking integrity. It's lying and cheating and um all the things that go with it. You know, you can hate the player, but you can't hate the game. You know, at the end of the day, the rules are set by biology in many, many ways. And we talked a little while ago about how women make mate selection and how it goes to a genetic algorithm that's running in their mind. Before they even, you know, decide they want to connect with you, they are doing some math in the back of their head and trying to figure out whether or not you can actually meet the primitive criteria for being a provider and a protector. Can you actually provide a safe space for them to exist and potentially raise young? If you start missing some of these signals and you're not connecting with them the way they want to connect and they start feeling like there is feeling is the word here. They start feeling like there is a disconnect between the two of you. They are going to be afraid. Now, I'm not going to say they're like afraid like they're watching a scary movie, afraid, but there is a sense of um being unsettled. Uh a slight sense of fear or um anxiety that develops that starts to crack away at the foundation of your relationship. And you need to be aware of that because as soon as that foundation starts to crumble just a little bit, the hypergamy and the monkey branching starts kicking in. They start thinking, I need to find a better guy. I need to find a safer place. I need to find someone that I can depend on who can actually connect with me because I'm starting to feel unsafe.

I was talking to this beautiful young couple last week and um I had a chance to talk to both, the man and the woman. And I won't get into all their details, but I was really impressed with the way the woman expressed her perspective. And she said, "I need to feel safe in my relationship." And it immediately triggered all of these thoughts about what I'm telling you now, that that safety is applied to things that we don't even think of. Like when you and I think of safety, we think about physical security. We're not thinking about emotional safety. We're not thinking about um what it means if she catches you maybe texting back and forth in a flirty way with someone at work. You know, now maybe you're thinking it means nothing at all. It's just a casual relationship. There's nothing there. There's no sex. Nothing's happened. You're just having fun. She's a nice girl. She's like your your wife at work. [laughter] I had one of those for a while. and uh and you're just enjoying it. You're just enjoying the flirtation of it. Well, she sees that as a threat to her safety. It's not that she's jealous necessarily. I think it's easy to conflate jealousy with this experience. It's not jealousy. No, it's emotional safety. She feels like this other woman is a threat and you are now distracted by her from the your wife or from your primary girlfriend, whoever it is that's feeling these this experience. Women need to feel like they are the primary person in your life. They need to feel front and center as often and as much as possible. They need to know that they are more important to you than your job or anything else that you have going on. Now, that doesn't have to be actually true in your world, in your life, in your head, but it needs to be true in her world, in her head. Do you understand what I mean? Like, you can still have your goals and your desires and be living your life and have your frame and all that stuff, but as far as she's concerned, she's number one. She's got to be number one in her head. She's got to think that every time that um you leave the house, she's never worried one bit about you because she knows she's your woman.

Now, I want to be clear here. I don't think that women lack the ability to have a love connection or an emotional connection with a man and prioritize that to a certain degree. I do believe that's true. I think there's tons of of examples of women who have actually supported men who were like going to medical school or going to law school and stuff like that and they actually were the the bread winner while this was all happening. What it does though is it tells you that um women have a practical application that they run when they are looking for a mate that we men don't have. We don't care if a woman's broke, she's rich. We don't care what her title is. We don't care what her last name is. You know, we are drawn quite frankly most often times to their physicality. Like that's the primary draw in the initially. And then once we get beyond the physical, then we start finding out whether we like him or not. You know, whether they actually are good people. And sometimes it doesn't even matter if they're good or not. We don't give a [ __ ] [laughter] as long as as long as they're beautiful. I've had so many guys say, "Yeah, she's a [ __ ] but she is hot and I love her because of it." I was like, "Dude, I don't think that's love. I think that's something else." But um yeah, so they are running this practical application to determine whether a man has the resources and the ability to provide a safe and um healthy environment not only for her but for a potential young. And we as men do not see relationships like that at all. It's important to understand the difference. It's not something that they're choosing to do. It's not like they're making this choice and saying, "Oh, I'm looking for the best guy because I'm a gold digger." Or, "I'm looking for a um a better man, so I'm in a monkey branch." No, they are literally running a program that has been there since ancient times. This is there. The only difference is that today, women have the ability to run this program all the time where maybe a hundred years ago, moving from man to man wasn't so easy. It was socially unacceptable. It was, you know, all kinds of limitations placed on them. You know, getting out of a marriage, being divorced, you know, had all kinds of negative connotations to it. And um, you know, the scarlet letter and all that [ __ ] And women were very, very limited. If they got into a relationship with a man that turned out to be a real loser, well, they were just stuck with him pretty much. They were just stuck with him. Not anymore. If you're a loser, if you ain't got your [ __ ] together, they can bail on you. And I know we today complain about that and talk about, you know, how unethical it is. Well, kind of. I mean, from our perspective, I definitely get it. You know, we're thinking we got this loving relationship and I still love you, you still love me, you know, but she's looking for safety. And that's something completely different. That's a completely different thing. That's primal. Primal means first. That that goes right to the core. And that primal uh reaction, that primal drive for safety is always going to come first before love. That's why um if you're dating a woman who's also dating someone who's much more successful than you, even though you might be better looking, you might have a better love connection with her. You might have passionate passionate love with her, but this guy is established. He uh has a great life. He is making tons of money. She's going to go with him 90% of the time, not because she's a gold digger, but because he provides the safety that she depends on, that she needs that she must have. She must have that. That is primal. Do you see what I mean? She will choose that over her emotional connection 90% of the time because we have this different programming.

We can't understand language very well. So when a woman says, "I need a man who can protect me." She's not thinking, "I need a bodyguard." That's what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Okay, I can I can be a bodyguard. Hell, if I'm not that big, I'll buy a gun. You know, I'll become an expert marksman. Whatever. I'll I can protect you, honey. Don't you worry about it." That's not what she means at all. She means that you can protect her from all those difficult things in life that are really hard for her to deal with. It might be something as simple as killing spiders. It might be handling stressful situations when she's emotionally incapable of dealing with it. It might mean dealing with the cable company and paying the bills. It might mean getting through a mortgage. It might mean any number of things. but protecting her from those things that cause her to feel stress and discomfort. That's what she's talking about there. It's not about being her bodyguard. She doesn't necessarily need you to throw your body in front of a train to protect her someday. What she does need you to do is to protect her from all those difficult things, those rough spots in life that make it really, really hard to for women in many cases with their diffuse awareness to not be able to figure [ __ ] out. And we are really good at some of those things. So, just get clear about that.

When she says, "I need you to listen." It's not about you just sitting there with your two ears and think, "Okay, I'm a listener. I got ears. I can hear everything that you're saying." No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. She needs you to understand her emotional state when she's talking. She needs you to um validate her state of mind, her feelings, that what she's experiencing is a valid feeling, that she is okay in that experience. She needs you to help her feel safe in communicating with you about things that are really difficult for her to talk about without judgment. She wants to use you as a um sounding board more or less. And she wants to hear her own words out loud to you without judgment. She doesn't want you to fix it. She wants you just to sit there and listen and take it all in. And if she needs anything more out of you, she'll ask. She'll say, "Hey, can you help me with this? Can you what do you think? How do you think I should proceed?" These kinds of questions will come at the right time. Do not interject until she's done, until she's vomited it all up and then you can sort through it and see what's there that's worth talking about. But for the most part, when you are asked to listen, it just means validate what she's feeling. Pay attention. Um, become aware of her emotional state and respond appropriately. If she's crying, do not sit in a chair across the room. Okay? [laughter] You need to embrace her. Hold her hand, look her in the eyes. You need to be um emotionally capable of responding correctly to her emotional states. Even though you're not in an emotional state yourself, this is the tough thing for us. It's like, we're fine. She's sad. I don't have a problem. She has a problem. I'm going to leave. Let her take care of it. Because if it were the other way around, that's the way we would want to handle it. Like if I'm really upset and angry or I'm in a bad state of mind, just leave me alone and I will be fine. You know, give me an hour. I'll go for a walk, whatever, but just let me be. Let me work it out. This is what we think. That's not what they think. They want to have an interaction. They want to talk about it. They want to have a social experience with you. It's a bonding time for them. Like this is critical, critical, critical. This. I cannot overstate how important it is that when they are in these emotional states that you are there for them, that you are that shoulder to cry on, that you are embracing them, that you are um compassionate, then that you are understanding the importance of what they're saying, and you're validating their state of mind, their feelings, and all that stuff. Because if you don't, that whole monkey branching and the hypergamy thing kicks in real fast. They don't feel safe. That's what it is. They don't feel safe. They don't feel emotionally safe talking to you about these things that are really, really important to them. And you don't ever want to have that happen.

Women test men. We hear that all the time. We call it [ __ ] testing. I don't know if that's what it really is. I think it's more of a competence test, more of a masculinity test more than anything. And sometimes it's not even an actual test that they're running. They're just observing you dealing with the tests that life deals. What they're looking for here is a solid foundation of masculinity in a man who can handle disruptive circumstances without losing his his cool. If you become disoriented, upset, angry, emotional at times of stress, then you are failing the test. If you become like a uh school girl screaming your head off or cursing like a sailor every time you lose your temper and you seem like you are becoming irrational and angry and upset that you can't keep your composure under stress. Well, you're failing the test if you don't have impulse control. You're failing the test if you don't have the ability to treat other people with respect. You're failing the test. So, if you're truly interested in a woman and you're thinking that she's [ __ ] testing you, really, she's man testing you is what it really is. She's trying to see, do you have what it takes to be the foundation of a healthy long-term relationship. And if you lose your composure at any time, you are going to fail this test. And you're losing your composure can be anything from crying like a school girl to cussing like a sailor. If she feels threatened or afraid or concerned about your reaction, then you failed the test. So, this all goes back to that primal need for safety, you know, and um they're not going to feel safe with a man that can't keep a [ __ ] together. So, be aware of that.

There's this brilliant um inscription that has gotten a lot of philosophies written about it and it was at the uh the temple of the oracle of at Deli in ancient Greece. And if you don't know the story, the oracle at this temple at Deli was the person that all the uh most powerful people in Greece would go to, you know, generals and kings and queens and, you know, noblemen and businessmen. They would all go there to ask questions, to get ideas, to perhaps even peer into the future. They would seek counsel from this oracle. The inscription above the arch when you entered into the oracle said, "Know thyself." That is probably the single most important piece of information that anyone entering that temple would walk away with because it's through knowing yourself that you can gain control of your life and the people in it. Because only through knowing yourself, you are the only person you can control. You are the only person that you have power over really. But through knowing yourself, you will have the ability to influence other people in powerful, powerful ways. If you do not know yourself well and a woman is [ __ ] testing you, you're going to fail. If you don't know the man that you are, and you're confident in your ability to present yourself in a masculine way, not in some cartoon-like way, but in a true masculine way, then you're going to fail these tests, you know?

I was talking to this guy the other day and he had lost his temper with somebody really important really important to him. He started shouting, acting like a complete [ __ ] Complete [ __ ] And he was explaining to me and I said, "Man, have you ever been in a fight?" He's like, "What do you mean? Like, have you ever been in a fight with another man or you're even in a situation where there's a good chance you're going into blows with somebody?" He said, "No." He said, "All right, I've done this a few times. It's never pretty. But there are two different kinds of guys that you're going to fight. There's the kind of guys that bounce around. They they talk a lot. These guys are scared. They got nothing. They got nothing. If you drive at them, they're going to go down fast and you'll be able to take advantage of them. And then you have the guys that just look you straight in the eye and don't say anything. And you can just see that they are imagining how they're going to take you apart. These are the people that you need to be aware of. This is the person you need to be. You don't need to shout. You don't need to scream. You just need to get within yourself. Know thyself. Understand what is required of you in that moment and do it. I think he got the idea. It's sort of like the whole Clint Eastwood thing. You know, I love his old movies. He talked really silent, grit his teeth, squinted his eyes, and you knew the [ __ ] was going to get real. You just knew it was going to get real. You need to be that guy, not the guy that's bouncing around yapping his mouth off and acting like a clown. That guy is never the one that you take for uh take seriously.

Here are the big takeaways on this whole red pill women's behavior thing. Number one, don't take women's behavior personally. They are acting in ways that they have been programmed to act for millions of years. They are just living out the code that's running in their background. They are looking for safety. They are looking for confidence. They are looking for uh a man that can provide for them. They are going to test you to see if you can meet those criteria. Um they have feelings that give them, you know, a uh GPS. It's information that you can use to help you understand what's going on inside them. They say, "I feel this is what their state is. This is not like you feel like you feel sad. You go to the bathroom. I don't know what you do, but they feel sad." Like they're they are sad, you know? It's like it's not just a little passing thing. It's like no, they are in the place of sadness. That's where they live right now. They're living in sadness. But anyway, you just need to don't take this [ __ ] personally. This is just what they are. This is just how they're built. This is just the way their bodies and their brains and their hearts work. And the sooner you understand this and you start to deal with them from this perspective, the sooner you'll stop reacting to their behaviors and you'll start understanding their behaviors. And that's the key difference. Too many times I think that we men tend to react to the differences that we have in the way we communicate and interact with women. And these reactions are inevitably negative and they inevitably undermine that sense of safety that is so important to to women. And then we we make them feel like they're um not safe in the space around us because we don't know how to respond correctly to the communication that we're getting.

Anyway, I could go on on this for another half hour and it's been a long video and I have other things I got to get done today. So, I'm going to cut it there. If you know someone who might enjoy this video, please share it with them. If you like the video yourself, please like and subscribe. In the meantime, till next time, stay healthy and if you can stay single.