Transcription
So, why do some people get whatever they want and other people don't? Becoming a persuasive person isn't about convincing anybody anything, okay? It's about how you position yourself. People aren't going to decide to do things in your favor because you asked well. They're going to do it because it aligns with their self-image. It aligns with their future goals, plans, who they imagine themselves to be. They're going to do things if it protects their ego, if it makes them feel smart, chosen, powerful, or safe. You name it. You name it. These are the reasons why people will do what you want, not because you want them to. Okay?
I used to work in sales and you can try as hard as you want to try to sell someone on something. And it doesn't come down to how good of a salesperson you are. It's how you can make that thing important for them. It has to be nothing to do with you. And that's what a lot of people get wrong with becoming persuasive, selling people on things. is whether you're listening to this for sales or not, your life is a sales. Your number one sales advocate for the rest of your life. You're basically selling yourself every single day in your entire life. Your relationships, your friendships, your career, you're selling yourself. How are you going to get people to buy it? What do you want people to buy about you? Okay.
Some people never have to ask twice for the things that they want. People that get what they want never overexlain. They don't argue with imbeciles all day. They never ever ever chase an agreement with somebody. If you've ever watched someone walk into a room and you notice everyone around them starts acting different, people are more composed and it's like they sharpen up, that's not because they're charisma, okay? That's psychological positioning. I'm going to teach you exactly how to position yourself to be more easily persuasive. Do with this what you will. I'm not saying to use this for evil, use this for good. But if you're feeling like you never win, you never get what you want, you know, you're unhappy, it ends now. I'm gonna teach you exactly how to get everything you want.
Hello, my name is Gracie Daskovich. If you're new here, welcome. If you recognize me, welcome back. Today, I'm going to teach you how to become more persuasive, how to easily get what you want, how you can easily influence people without having to ask them to do anything. This is going to be the art of becoming naturally persuasive because you don't want to come off salesy. Okay, I can't think of a better word, but if you're being in sales and you're trying to persuade someone to buy something, the biggest ick that the consumer client is going to get is when it comes off like you're trying to sell them something. So, same thing happens when you're trying to be persuasive or persuasive personality. You know, you want to persuade people your way, right? If you come off as that, they're going to know what you're doing and it's not going to work. So, you need to become naturally persuasive if you want this to actually work for you.
Before I completely dive into this, let's make sure we're clear on what persuasion means because a lot of you guys are going to probably get the wrong idea. Persuasion isn't going to be what you imagine where like you're manipulating someone and you're lying them to get them to do what you want. Okay? That's not what persuasion. That's not what persuasion is. That's manipulation. And that's not what I'm talking about. Persuasion is not changing somebody's mind. You're not going to persuade people by changing their mind. It doesn't. It's not going to work. Okay? You persuade people by letting them think it was their own idea. When you try to change someone's mind directly, that's when they're going to push back at you.
When you're trying to become naturally persuasive, you need to understand one thing about people, and that's egos. Egos hate to be corrected. People protect their self-image as if it's the oxygen they need to breathe every single day. When you know how to work someone's ego, you can do whatever you want. The world is yours. The moment someone feels controlled, outsmarted, pressured, or handled, that's when you completely lose this whole plot. Okay? You've basically already lost. When a person feels like this, it's not going to go in your direction. It's not going to work how you want. Now, their radar is going off like alert, alert, alert, and now you're a threat. You're not. You're not doing what you think you are. Okay?
Real persuasion works sideways, like from the side. You're not arguing a point. You're not proving to anyone that you're right about anything. You're not convincing. Okay? In other words, you're not trying to change someone's mind or manipulate them. When you're trying to be persuasive, you're essentially creating an environment where the decision you want them to make feels obvious, comfortable, and most importantly, like they picked it themselves. That is number one. They need to feel like they made the decision themselves. This is why some of the smartest people in the world that talk a lot about psychology, they don't focus on forcing people, okay? That because we all know it doesn't work. You need to focus on the frame. You can build. You can't control people, but you can control the frame of the environment that yourself and the said person are both in. Whoever controls the frame controls the outcome. Every single day, any interaction you're having with someone, you don't realize it, but you are in a frame. Whether it's yours or theirs, doesn't matter. Regardless, you are in a frame. Persuasive people create the frame, and then we speak very little inside of it. If you remember nothing else from this episode, I need you to remember this. People don't comply with arguments, they comply with positions. Okay.
Law number one, control yourself first. If you want to know something that will change the way completely that people respond to you, the most persuasive person in the room is always the one who's least reactive. Whoever is the least emotionally reactive, that is the most persuasive person in any room. The people who rush to explain things, low leverage. People that get really nervous or flustered when they're questioned, low leverage. People that need to be understood right here, right now, or they can't move on, low leverage. If you want to be truly naturally persuasive, it starts with self-containment. When you're calm, people automatically assume you know more. They automatically think you're more confident. They assume you have options, and they automatically assume you're not desperate for the outcome.
Have you ever met a car salesman that wants to just, you know, sell you on a car so so so bad he's telling you about the features and you try to walk off the lot and they start offering to buy you lunch and whatever it takes for you to come back. That's so desperate. You can just. You just feel the ick. Okay, get that icky feeling because you know, oh my gosh, they just want my sale. They just want me to sell. They just want me to buy whatever they're selling. they must need money or they must be trying to hit a bonus or they must like something's wrong. They're trying to do something that's disingenuine because the way that they're acting this is unnatural and they clearly want me to make a decision for them. That is what that energy brings when you act like that versus those higher-end car dealerships where they're selling like supercars and things that are much much much more expensive and they have much much much less clientele. You will often see those car salesmen, you know, playing hard to get. Oh, I have 20 clients that want this car. Just call me if and I'll let you know if I still have it. They're not desperate for you to want to buy their product. They they understand this. Okay, this is a huge huge huge thing that you need to understand in life. If you want to be persuasive and understand frames and power and control, you have to understand being desperate is never good and you have to put that away. Everyone is a little bit desperate deep inside. We all have desires. We all have things that we want. But it's the art of not showing it that is actually going to take you somewhere. Because showing that you're desperate in any situation, almost any situation, is never, never, ever good, never going to get you anything you want.
When it comes to people, assumption is everything. This is why silence is so powerful. This is why, you know, pausing in deep conversations makes people feel intimidated. You don't need to dominate anyone. You don't need to intimidate anyone to be persuasive. You definitely don't need to raise your voice. You don't have to yell over people. You don't have to be the loudest one in the room. You don't have to be cocky. No, no, no, no, no. It's quite the opposite. You just need to not rush. You need to not appear desperate. When someone challenges you and you don't immediately respond and get immediately emotionally reactive, start to negotiate with themselves. When someone's questioning you heavily and you don't defend yourself, they automatically assume. They assume you don't need to. Persuasion begins before you even speak. Persuasion starts with how unbothered you are by resistance. Did you get it? Play it back if you didn't get it.
Now we're going into law two. Second law for becoming naturally persuasive is to speak from identity, not desire. This is where a lot of people mess up. They speak from want. I want, I need, I was hoping, I think. That language, that language signals negotiation, dependence, uncertainty, everything you don't want someone that you're trying to persuade to think about you. Persuasive people speak from identity and assumption. Instead of saying, "Can you help me?" Instead, you be like, "Oh, you're really good at this. How would you handle this?" Instead of, "I hope this works for you," say, "No, this this makes sense for you." See the difference? Those are very, very basic examples, and I feel like those alone like really show you what I'm talking about. One is asking for permission, and the other one is assigning a role, but it's not coming off, you know, salesy. People will defend their identity way, way, way faster than they will ever agree to a request. This is what you need to understand about people when you want to be persuasive. As soon as someone steps into a role, whether that's the expert, the helper, the maker, the leader, as soon as you assign them this role and they sit in it, that's when they begin to act in alignment with it. Do you see where I'm going with this? Are you understanding? This is super subtle. This is clean. Okay? This is how you persuade people. It doesn't feel manipulative. It's really not because they're making the decision themselves. You're not forcing anyone to do anything. You're not forcing a behavior on them, but you're activating their self-image. And the more calmly that you speak from that place, the more persuasive you will become.
Now, law number three, never fight ego. Feed it strategically. Like I said earlier, if you want to know anything about people, don't fight the ego. Don't fight it. Here's the truth nobody wants to hear. People don't want to be right. They want to feel right. If persuasion bruises somebody else's ego, it will fail. Even if you are objectively. Even if you are objectively or completely 100% correct, doesn't matter. If you bruise their ego and the cost is their ego, it's not going to work. People won't buy, especially not at the cost of their own self-image. Having a smart influence on someone will always leave the other person feeling smart, respected, chosen, and competent. Okay? You never want to make them feel outside of those things like I already said. But this doesn't mean you have to completely flatter them either and kiss their butt. It's just a way of positioning. It's a placement. It just means placement. You're going to give. You have to give people a way to help you that reinforces their own self-image. That's why most persuasive people ask for opinions that they already agree with that lets others arrive at conclusions. Also by crediting others publicly even when it was your own idea. Good persuasion leaves the other person better off, never smaller or worse. Okay, that is the difference between manipulation and mastering becoming a persuasive person. If people walk away feeling powerful and like they really came up on something, they're going to associate that with you. They're going to keep coming back to you for more. If they walk away feeling stupid, like, "Oh, I shouldn't have listened to this person," they will never talk to you or trust you again. And that's exactly what you don't want.
Moving on to law number four, which is my favorite. Let the silence do the work. Silence is one of the most underused tools in persuasion. Most people are terrified of it. They'll rush to fill it with anything. They explain more. They'll over compromise and they'll compromise their position just because silence makes them feel uncomfortable. Silence creates movement. Okay? I've seen so many videos and it's just like the videos in movies you see online where you know people are doing a strong negotiation, especially if you're in sales. You know what I'm talking about. Sometimes sitting there with your offer like this, quiet, looking at them in their eyes and just waiting, just wait to see what they're going to say, will say a thousand words. Okay? You have to know how to weaponize silence and use it for your benefit because oh my gosh, it's such a powerful underestimated tool when used correctly. When you make a statement and stop talking, it automatically makes the other person more pressured to respond. one, two, the other person is more likely to reveal information. And three, because silence is so uncomfortable, it almost always makes the other person readjust. You don't need to win verbally. You need to just let the weight of what you said land with these people. Ask a question, stop talking. Make a statement, stop talking. Let let discomfort work for you and do for you what words can't. High status people don't chase resolution because they don't need to. They have so many options. Why would they chase anything, right? They allow others to come to them. And that is persuasion without effort. Okay.
Last part of this is using power cleanly. How do you use this persuasion cleanly? Let me be very clear. This is not about control for the ego. This is not about tricking people. This is not about scheming. This is not about domination. This is about not being so naive in a world that runs off of influence. Okay? People are already persuading you every single day with guilt, urgency, fear, you needing their approval. Hello, people pleasers. Hello. Learning persuasion is like waking up. It just means you're not walking through life unconscious and naive anymore because it's happening everywhere. It means you stop overexlaining. You have some value for yourself. You have some respect for yourself. You know, you understand leverage. You know how to leverage yourself. You know how to give yourself what you want. You know how to get things in life that you want because you think you deserve it, right? Or do you not um like yourself? Everyone that likes and loves themselves know that they deserve things. But you can't be so naive and just expect everything to come to you. Okay? You need to understand these laws of the way that life is and people are. The moment you understand how influence and persuasion actually works is the same minute that you will stop asking for approval and instead you start to meet people where you actually stand.
To wrap this up, if this made you uncomfortable, good. That means you're actually learning something. But this is what real true persuasion actually is. Let me know if you learned anything. Also, if you end up trying any of these out, come back to this video and thank me later because I know you will be thanking me later. Feel free to leave in the comments any suggestions, any questions, anything you want me to talk about in the future. And as always, I wish you guys the best of luck. I will see you guys on the next one. I