Transcription
There are a lot of women, especially the ones who got married when they were young. They're in their early 20s and they kind of still carry this unspoken belief that I'm still the hot girl. And even though they're now in their 40s and their 50s, you know, and they're still attractive, they assume that their appeal out in the broader market has not changed. And they think of themselves as that head turner, as the one with all the options. They're mistaking being flirted with for being chosen. Just because a man wants to sleep with them doesn't mean that he wants to commit to them. And that's a massive blind spot for a lot of married women. And it leads to complacency. It leads to entitlement. And it leads to a lot of good men feeling ignored and neglected and take it for granted.
[Music]
Hello and welcome to Sex, Love and Soul. I'm Mary Knight and I am so glad that you're here. So, if you're new to my channel, I'm a former madam and I'm a retired escort and now I coach good men who are tired of being her partner but never her passion. And today I'm going to talk about the number one thing that successful escorts know that most wives don't. And I'm being specific here in using the word successful in front of escort because not all escorts are successful, just like not all wives are good wives. Cuz I'm talking about the real pros, the women who made a career out of understanding men and sex and in some cases even emotional connection. And what these women know, what they live and breathe in their work is that their actions and their inactions have consequences. And when you're a sex worker, you know that if you're disrespectful to a client, if you're cold, if you're shut down, if you're unprepared for his visit, he might give you one more shot, maybe two if he's really into you, but after that, he's gone because he knows he has options. Every escort understands this on a visceral level because it's just the nature of the business. The relationship between an escort and a client is literal. It's based on mutual clarity. It's not fuzzy or emotional in the same way that a marriage can become. It's defined. He pays the lady. She gives him her time, her attention, and access to her body. You know, and I want to be clear, the purpose of this video is not to discuss the legality or morality of sex work. It's or or whether you should be seeing escorts or not. It's just about something that most women and frankly most men don't understand. And that is that human behavior doesn't run on feelings alone. It runs on consequences. And in sex work, you learn that really early because it's common sense. You know, you're not the only escort in town. And even though I thought well of myself back when I was working and the service that I was providing, I was very aware that there were literally thousands of other women who were younger and hotter and less expensive to see than I was. And the women who thrive in sex work are the same ones who understand this. You have to show up as your best not because you're afraid to lose a client but because you respect him and you respect yourself and because you understand the reality that you are replaceable.
So then let's take this whole concept that actions have consequences and let's drop it into the context of marriage. There are a lot of women, especially the ones who got married when they were young. They're in their early 20s and they kind of still carry this unspoken belief that I'm still the hot girl. And even though they're now in their 40s and their 50s, you know, and they're still attractive, they assume that their appeal out in the broader market has not changed. And they think of themselves as that head turner, as the one with all the options. And look, I want to be clear here. I'm not here talking [ __ ] about aging women. I'm 60, okay? I I know what this is like to, you know, to age and to be out in the world and the way that men look at me differently. Do I still get attention? Sometimes I do, but nothing like I did when I was in my 30s and my 40s. A lot of women don't realize how much their dating pool shrinks with age. They don't think about it that way. They don't think about competition. They don't think about the fact that for most middle-aged women, the dating pool has gotten a whole lot smaller and a whole lot more competitive once you're out of the marriage bubble, but because they still get attention maybe from their trainer at the gym or their tennis coach or the bad boy at Whole Foods or their friend's husbands are flirty with them, you know, they think, "Oh, I've still got it. I'm still hot. my man's not going anywhere." But what they're confusing is sexual attention with relationship value. They're mistaking being flirted with for being chosen with desire for devotion. And it's a dangerous illusion that a lot of women are under. Just because a man wants to sleep with them doesn't mean that he wants to commit to them. And that's a massive blind spot for a lot of married women. And it leads to complacency. It leads to entitlement. And it leads to a lot of good men feeling ignored and neglected and taken for granted.
And here's why this happens. It's because our brains are wired for consequences. This isn't just a cultural thing. It's not just a female thing. It's a human thing. People change when there's a reason to change. If there's no reason, then there's no change. And that's just the basis of how we are taught, you know, when we're young, when we're being raised. It's we learn how to behave by our good behavior being rewarded and our undesirable behavior being punished. This is how our habits form, good or bad. It's also how all adults, men and women, subconsciously gauge what's okay in a relationship. So when a woman gets in a bad mood and withholds sex or intimacy for months and years and nothing happens, when there are no clear boundaries, no shifts, no standards being upheld, she unconsciously assumes that, oh, he must be okay with this. She doesn't feel the consequences of her actions, so why would she change? And that's why some women aren't paying attention. It's not always malicious. Sometimes it's just a simple behavioral reinforcement. Like you've taught her through your inaction, your silence, your enduring this nonsense that she can just keep giving you less and still keep you. And this is where good men, especially nice guys, get stuck. Nice guys, you know I love you. You're my people. I coach you every week, but you have to hear this. You're part of the reason your wife thinks that she can neglect you without consequence. Not because you're weak, not because you're bad, but because you've tried so hard to be good, to be dependable, to hold the line, to do the right thing. that you've stayed in a situation that stopped serving you a long time ago and you've been showing up with no affection, no intimacy, some no sex, no passion in your life. You're still paying the bills, doing the chores, being the good husband. And what she's learned from that is that she can keep giving you less, and you'll stay.
Now, most women don't stop being loving because they're evil or because they're mean. They stop because, well, they can. It's really common in a long-term relationships for people to become a little lazy. You stop taking care of yourself self. You become a little less attractive. She stops taking care of herself. She becomes a little less attractive to you. And just the dynamic of the two of you together can create this low sex, no sex situation. But the thing is that women and and you know, so I've talked about this. I have a playlist of videos on female sex drive. Male and female sex drive are very different. And a woman can go a long time without having sex. And it's not that she doesn't have a desire or a drive. It's just that it's not the same as yours. Women very rarely will go around going, "Ooh, yeah, I got to get it." Where that's a drive for y'all. That's how you feel. That's how you move in the world. That isn't that that isn't true for us. So, when we're in a situation, not where y'all have grown apart, but you haven't been coming together for a lot of different reasons, right? Life happens, job changes, the birth of children, the death of a family member, the illness. There's all kinds of reasons why your uh sex life can be interrupted. If you once had a good sex life, you can have a good sex life again, but just because of the way female sex drive is, more than likely you're going to be the one that has to lead the way back to having regular sex. And to some men, that is amazing news because you're like, "Oh, okay, great." Because sometimes you just don't know how it works and you think, "Oh, we're not having sex because my wife hates me." No, it's not that. It's because I would say both of y'all have gotten lazy. She's not doing her part. You're not doing your part, right? And y'all can come together and make something really beautiful happened again. If you once had that. But back to women, they stop seeing you as a sexy ass man and you're more like a roommate. and they start thinking, "Oh, well, we'll just replace this erotic energy with logistics, like, oh, social life, spending time with the family, the kids, the jobs, the yards, the house, all these kinds of things." And it's just a natural thing that happens in a relationship. Now, it doesn't have to, but it often does, especially if you have stepped back and you're letting her be in charge of what's going on. Because a woman is not most likely, most of the time, normal average marital situation, a woman is not going to be the one to lead you back to sex. There are exceptions of course, but just saying. So if you have let her lead, that's what she's leading with, right? Logistics, like I said, social stuff, charity, church, family, kids, all that stuff is important, but it's just a part of your relationship. What makes it a marriage rather than a friendship is the sexual component. You're still there. You haven't left. You haven't demanded that anything change. So to her, it's just not that serious. One of the consequences that you're facing is no sex, low sex. You know, that's the consequence of not showing her consequences, right? She thinks that your frustration is just background noise, not an alarm. So, she's not paying attention because you've taught her that she doesn't need to. And if you want her to wake up, you have to be the one who rings the alarm. She doesn't feel the consequences of her withdrawal. But men who are in their masculine energy, they don't put up with this. They don't wait for months and months and months for a woman to come around. They lead. And if a woman refuses to follow, they move on. And that's the exact behavior that women find attractive. And the irony of that is painful. But women are biologically and emotionally wired to respond to strength, to direction, to decisiveness, and to presence. And when that disappears, as it does when we were talking about earlier, for all kinds of reasons, you know, it's a dynamic that y'all created together. But men, if you stop leading, women stop respecting and the desire dries up. But in this absence of sex and connection or even basic warmth, y'all will still stick around hoping that she'll come back to life. And that right there starts the emotional death spiral because she won't come back to life unless she feels the stakes.
But here's where it gets even more twisted. Many men who end up seeing escorts are men who never thought that they would. Y'all are religious. You're loyal. You're hardworking. You love your wives and your families. You've been married for decades. You're a good man. But you're being asked to live in a home where you're untouched, where your desire is invisible, where the one person who's supposed to see you doesn't even look at you, and eventually something inside of you cracks. You're not a monster. You're human. And you're reaching for what we all need. Connection, warmth, intimacy, touch. That's why when I was escorting, I'd often hear the same thing from men over and over again. You make me feel wanted. You look at me like I'm a man. You touch me like you mean it. And they would be so relaxed and so like relieved and in their masculine energy. And many hadn't felt that in years. And I wasn't doing anything extraordinary. I was showing up as my best. I was prepared. I was well-rested, well fed. I was emotionally clear. I showed up to every appointment with my biggest and brightest smile, with openness, with warmth. Not because I was afraid if I didn't do all this crazy [ __ ] they I'd lose them as a client, but it was because I respected them. I respected their time. I appreciated their money, their presence. I knew what a good man was worth. And wives should know this, too, because just like in sex work, in marriage, it's easier to maintain a good thing than to start over. Dating is exhausting. Meeting somebody new, vetting them, building trust, creating a bond, it takes time. It takes energy, vulnerability, and if you're a man, dating can become very expensive. And just like I wasn't compatible with every client, you're not going to be compatible with every woman or man that you meet. When you get something good, something that flows, you protect it. You value it. Because good relationships are rare. So you don't treat something rare like it's disposable.
So men, if you've been showing up day after day, still hoping, still trying, I want you to hear this. You're not weak. You're not crazy, but you are teaching her something about what she can get away with. And if nothing changes and you keep tolerating this emotional neglect and sexlessness and indifference, then why should she change? You've shown her she doesn't need to. But here's what I want for you. I want you to stop waiting for her to wake up and become the wakeup call. Because one day, and maybe soon, you'll stop asking, you'll stop initiating, you'll stop waiting, you'll stop caring, and you'll know exactly when that moment comes where your standards changed, where your energy just shifts. You're just no longer available for that. And maybe it's right here in this moment where it starts because there are consequences. And the men who know that, the men who live that don't get walked on. They get respected. They get desired and chosen because there are consequences. And the smartest women I know never forget that.
Okay. So, if you liked what you heard, subscribe to this channel, like this video, and maybe even share it with somebody who you think needs to hear this. And if you want real customized support, I offer one-on-one coaching. We dig into your private personal situation and build a plan that fits you, whether you're single, still dating, or deep in a long-term relationship. And don't miss my newsletter. I have a weekly newsletter. It's free. It's full of original, provocative content that I don't share anywhere else. So, sign up at sexloanssoloul.com. Also, check out my book, Nice is Your Sexy Superpower. It's a quick start guide for men who want to stop walking on eggshells and start living from their full masculine energy. And all the links to that are in the description. I'm Mary Knight. This is Sex, Love, and Soul. And thank you so much for watching. Okay, bye for now.
[Music]