Transcription
I'm a psychological arms dealer. If I want you to feel anything, then all I get you to do is pull files out of your mental file cabinet. The Cartoon Network has more viewers than CNN.
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And this is one of the most powerful techniques that people don't really understand. So, like if somebody shakes your hand really hard and they're trying to be like super like pretend alpha [music] male. Just calling attention to that takes all the power out of it. 90% of people say they need more skills, but what they need is authority or comfort. There is not one indicator of deception. It doesn't exist. And authority is made up of five things. And that's confidence, discipline, leadership, gratitude, and enjoyment.
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It's a byproduct of having your together. It's a byproduct of living a life of discipline. If I talk about something, you have to pull out your references and all [music] of your files about that thing in your own file cabinet. You can't resist it. Like if I say a pink elephant, I've just created an image in your head irresponsibly, which is how we usually use language. But if I if I talk about something vividly, then I'm getting you to pull out these files. And this is just one of the most critical lessons that I teach any any of my one-on-one clients.
So, if I know that I can get files [music] pulled out of your file cabinet, I also know that your file clerk, or whatever we call like this memory retrieval system, I just call it a file clerk, he's going down there and he's going to pull out this file, this file, this file.
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Everything that he pulls out, he's going to leave it out on the desk. And because he's leaving it out on the desk, that [music] makes the memory way more accessible later on. And this is called priming.
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So, if I want to get you to think that being really focused on something is your own idea, I'll talk about when I watched a show and how it captivated all of my attention.
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And I might shift the words from me saying I to using the word you.
>> [music] >> And it'll sound something like this. So, name name like a really good movie. Anything. Uh Die Hard. Okay. So, Die Hard is one of those movies that people don't [music] think is a Christmas movie, but kind of is a Christmas movie. I remember the first time watching [music] Die Hard. It's one of those times where you're sitting there and now I've just shifted to you. And people don't notice. Like you didn't notice that I shifted from I to you, right? So, it's one of those moments where you're just sitting there, you're watching [music] a movie, and all of a sudden this one thing gets super interesting and all your focus gets sucked up into this one thing. It's like the volume on everything else around you gets completely [music] turned down. And you just completely zone in on something.
I think I do it for people that have gone through a period in their life realizing that there's an invisible advantage that [music] some other people have. The people that got successful maybe have some kind of advantage that they're not able to to tangibly [music] see. And I think showing them that this is one of the biggest levers that you could ever pull in your life is the most rewarding [music] and fascinating thing to see. Someone go through this transition to realize [music] that this human behavior stuff dictates outcomes in life.
They'll use something called fog, F O G, and that stands for fear, obligation, and guilt.
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Fear, obligation, guilt. And you need to understand they'll typically have one primary currency when they deal with these things. It's either fear, obligation, or guilt. And when they use one of those, all you do is you take that technique they're using and pull it out and like,
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"Let me grab this light over here. I'm going to shine this light right on it and say, 'Let's both look at this together.'"
So, [music] once you bring something into the sunlight, it's a disinfectant. It takes a lot of the power like 90% of the power away from it.
>> [music] >> Um so, let's say like you're using a a guilt [music] tactic on me. And you're the sociopath just for this uh pretend example. I might say something like uh Adam, I can tell that it sounds like you're very passionate about [music] this, but I could be totally wrong and I probably am, but it sounds like you're wanting me to feel [music] guilty for not helping you with that report. And I know that's probably not your intent. So, I I really want them to know that I
>> [music] >> I know exactly what you're doing.
>> Mhm. I don't know. And maybe I heard that wrong, but I'm still pulling that thing out. And I want them [music] to know that here's what you're doing and I see it. Maybe other people see it.
>> [snorts] >> So, any of those techniques you you hear is maybe I read this wrong. It it sounded to me, and I could be wrong, that you wanted to do or you wanted me to feel [music] X, Y, or Z. And I know I don't think you intended that at all, but that's
>> [music] >> just how it sounded for a second.
Second is the 3-second rule. Anytime [music] they speak to you, pause to think about what they say for 3 seconds. Not as a tactic. If you do the 3-second thing as a tactic [music] to like win over somebody, it's going to look weird and awkward. If you do it to consciously think about
>> [music] >> and consider what they just said, use that time instead of weaponizing that [music] time to think about what they said before you respond. And that is absolutely powerful [music] when you're dealing with these people.
The final one is and well, the final one I'll talk [music] about here. When they say something that's like gaslighting, manipulative, maybe using fear and obligation together, they're kind of like in this really run-on sentence, which you typically hear especially with gaslighters. So, very run-on sentence. Ask them to repeat it. So, the more they repeat it, they have to go back and gaslight again.
>> Yes. Ask them to do [music] it again. To So, they are having to put their thing out there where you where you get to hear every word again. And they've got to make it a lot more public. So, so they're not just brushing over a bunch of stuff.
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When a person becomes successful or they become a failure,
>> [music] >> you can look at three factors every single time to determine why someone was successful or why they failed. That is their level of self-mastery, their level of observation, like can they read [music] the room? Can they read the person that they're actually talking to? And their level of communication. Can they [music] speak influentially? Can they talk about outcomes in a way that inspire people and motivate people? [music] And can they communicate in a persuasive way that moves people?
And who exactly [music] have you worked with? Lots of government agencies. Uh notably,
>> [music] >> I've worked with intelligence agencies. I worked with the psychological operations department, US Army, which is the [music] special operations command. I've trained a lot of the US Navy leaders
>> [music] >> nowadays. And a lot of civilians are my main base of clients [music] right now.
So, when we talk to intelligence agents, the number one thing that we [music] train them in is recognizing human behavior. And we also teach interrogation. And we tend [music] to teach like if I'm doing an interrogation, it's kind of the same as if I'm uh an intelligence [music] officer somewhere trying to talk somebody into spying on their own country for us. Both of those things are about talking someone into doing [music] something that's not really in their best interest.
So, when it comes down to that, that's really where we get to the point the rubber meets the road. Can [music] you talk someone into doing something that they A normally wouldn't do, which is maybe sales cuz they normally they wouldn't have otherwise done that. Or B, in the interrogation world, can I talk you into [music] something that you wouldn't want to do cuz it's not your best interest. Like confessing to a crime [music] or providing intelligence or something like that. And that's where we really do a lot of the training for police [music] and government.
That book right there is my entire [music] life. So, probably 30 to 40,000 hours of research on this stuff, every technique that I've ever learned or taught, [music] every method that we've ever used for interrogations or persuasion or influence, all that stuff is inside of the Behavior Ops [music] manual. And I wrote that book, and we can get into that if you want to right now.
I received [music] a brain diagnosis where I thought I was going to lose my brain. And I was desperate. I'm just [music] wondering how's my family going to feed itself? So, I wanted to put [music] every single piece of knowledge that I've ever created or I've ever come up with for any government agent, everything all on the table. And that's what [music] this book was. It's just a culmination of everything.
Person that is lacking some degree [music] of control in some aspect of their life. And it's typically they think they need skills. Most of my clients come to me saying, "I want the technique. [music] I want the skill. Teach me the the recipe to do X, Y, and Z. What do I say on the phone? Give me a new sales script."
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So, I have this model called the ACSS model that I trained to my entire staff. And that ACSS model stands for [music] authority, comfort, social skills, and then skills. 90% of people say they need more skills, but [music] what they need is authority or comfort. And they can't be comfortable in a conversation.
So, I could give you like I would talk [music] to these clients and I would say, "I could spend 10 million dollars, write the best persuasion script for whatever your [music] ideal outcome is, hand you this thing on a silver platter, and if you're not comfortable in [music] that conversation, you're not going to be successful." So, I could give it to somebody with social anxiety and have them go read this out loud. It's not Harry Potter. We're not reading [music] spells. It's not a spell.
So, a lot of people's problems come from comfort, [music] a lack of being able to be comfortable in in a conversation, and the level of authority that they might [music] have. And I don't mean hierarchical authority. I just mean personal authority. But, they don't know it. They think it's I need more social skills. I need to learn small talk, or I need this little technique.
So, [music] every time the one thing I tell every client is if I give [music] you a flight checklist right now for a a small plane, a Cessna 172.
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Are you a pilot? No. Having this little checklist of what to do does not give you the skill. So, a lot of that so much of that comes [music] from comfort.
And the problem that a lot of people have is they're competing with other people on height,
>> [music] >> on looks, on social status, money, hierarchy, confidence, all this other stuff. The number one thing you need to compare yourself with other people on is comfort. [music] That's it. Is can I be more comfortable than the other person in in this conversation? [music] Cuz our brains are naturally wired to compete. We can't turn competition off, but we can change what they're focused on.
>> [music] >> And if they're focused on comfort, we win a lot more conversations.
So, you'll see riots, then you'll see fighting, [music] then you'll see a a body cam footage of somebody getting in a fight with a cop, or arguing with a police officer to kind of like [music] kind of get your heart racing a little bit. And then you'll see uh maybe one more thing that pisses you off. [music] Then you'll see some other party person, left or right, doesn't matter. You'll see some political thing [music] that pisses you off and makes you hate uh tribalism. So, it's injecting the tribe. So, that's focus, then authority, and then tribe. And then we have emotion. And that emotion starts right as that big thing is pissing you off, then you'll scroll one more time, and it'll be one of those videos of like, "Oh, yeah, we we just found this baby coyote on our back porch, and he was injured, so we splinted him, we bottle-fed him." And then it shows this little coyote like a time lapse [music] of him growing up, sleeping in the bed, playing with their baby, playing with the dogs, all this stuff. And it's like, "Wow." Like, you get this big emotional rush. That's fractionation. And then right after that little baby coyote video, ad. You'll get an ad.
And no human came up with this. Um
>> [music] >> I definitely didn't teach them this. The algorithm started understanding what makes people click. So, paying attention to that is step one.
>> [music] >> Step two is where am I seeing these narratives repeated throughout multiple media sources? I'm seeing lots of the same exact thing from multiple places. [music] And number three, and this might be the most important of all, is where am I seeing people who disagree get ostracized? [music] Am I seeing people get exiled from some community because they disagreed [music] with something? And those are the signs that you're in a cult as well.
It's the same that [music] that cults do to to recruit members and keep members. Like, what does it What does a cult go through? Uh I'm [music] going to get you to adopt a whole lot of new beliefs and new identities. I'm going to introduce you to a cult following. [music] Like, you have to stay in this members. I'm going to get you to start tribalizing yourself with these people versus everybody on the outside. There's an in-group and an out-group. Then there's a cult ideology and dogma that you have to follow with this this rigorous thing to start changing your behaviors.
What you're seeing [music] on social media, and not just social media, the media overall,
>> [music] >> is basically what cults do to people. I'm going to isolate you and show you that you're powerless without these things. [music] You have to follow this leader. You have to follow this doctrine. You have to excommunicate yourself from this tribe cuz they don't agree with you. They're [music] They're creating a cult. It's exactly what we're seeing.
I'm not I'm not trying to be dramatic here, but maybe that'll make for a good 60-second short or something, but at at the end of the day, if I feel [music] like if I adopt a belief, and I can feel morally righteous because I believe something that is completely fabricated, that was engineered into your brain. But, the hardest part about doing [music] this, and people will say like, "What's the checklist? What do I need to do to protect myself?" The hardest part
>> [music] >> is admitting that you're vulnerable to it. Because a lot of people are like, "No, no, no. I I got all these ideas myself. I did research, and I did all this, and I looked at this. I looked at this document." Because our brain's job is to prove us right. So, like it
And you see the same stuff in a Tony Robbins seminar.
>> [music] >> It's like if you continue saying you're not successful, you're not successful, your brain's job is to prove you right. But, if you continue saying
>> [music] >> the the people on the far right are absolute or the people on the far left are [music] your brain's going to just look for evidence to prove you right. That's its main job. So, you have [music] to be able to admit that I've I have been manipulated before. That's got to be step one.