Transcription
Altruism is an important value across different cultures and religions. It's socially desirable to be selfless. It's seen as noble to show support, concern, generosity towards others without expecting a personal benefit. But how altruistic is altruism and can it be selfish?
Anna Freud, yes, that's the daughter of Ziggman Freud, explored how altruism can be used for the selfish purposes of fending of anxiety and fulfilling one's own forbidden wishes. She called it altruism as a defense. If you ask how exactly does altruism help with anxiety and what about those forbidden wishes, I'll walk you through Anna Freud's idea in detail so that you can walk away with a clear idea of how altruism as a defense works, why people use this defense, and its consequences.
If we haven't met yet, hi, my name is Alina. I'm a psychoanalyst in training and I share what I learn about psychonomic theory online. If you're curious to dive deeper into psychonomic books and ideas, you should join my newsletter. It's linked in the description box below.
Before we dive into altruism as a defense, maybe a few words about Anna Freud herself. Imagine growing up in the shadow of the man who invented psychoanalysis and then becoming an influential psychoanalyst, a leading psychoanalyst in your own right. That's exactly what Anna Freud did. She was Sigman Freud's youngest daughter and their relationship was special. She was analyzed by her father, something that would be completely unthinkable today. And in her own work, she focused on the psychoanalysis of children and the study of defense mechanisms. One of her key books that lays out some of her core ideas is the ego and mechanisms of defense from 1936. I have the original German version here, but you can easily find English translations as well. And in it she describes some of the ways that the ego protects itself from internal and external threats with defense mechanisms. And one special chapter in this book is all about altruism as a defense.
First of all, we use defense mechanisms unconsciously to reduce anxiety or any other unpleasurable experiences, which is a very important function. If we didn't have defense mechanisms, we would all be thinking of our most embarrassing memories, our most scary memories 24/7. It would be absolutely terrible. So, it's good that they exist, but also there's a cost to consider. Leon Vumza, a Swiss psychoanalyst, described defense mechanisms as different ways of saying no to the truth. Because in order to not feel anxious, guilty, helpless, etc., we distort reality. And that can make our lives and personalities more rigid and inhibited than is helpful. You will see exactly what that means with altruism as a defense. And I'll also talk you through more examples of all of this in the end of the video as well.
So, first of all, altruism can be a beautiful way to strengthen relationships. Just imagine the teacher who takes great joy, great pride in seeing her students succeed. The parent who cheers on his child as it takes its first steps after a lot of sleepless nights. Or you can also imagine the wealthy businesswoman who chooses to support a local school to give children better opportunities. So the concept of altruism as a defense is not an invitation to tell everyone who shows altruistic behavior that deep down they're just selfish and deceitful. Please don't abuse psychonomic concepts that way. But of course at the same time it can be tempting especially in psychotherapy to praise anything that seems socially desirable like being altruistic. just accepting it at face value and not look at how potentially unhelpful and inhibiting it might be for a patient because altruism can also be controlling. I graciously give you my precious pearl earrings and now this better be exactly what you wear for your wedding. It can be a breeding ground for resentment. I give and I give and I give. Why I'm not getting anything back? And it can lead to an impoverished life and personality if it's always about the other people.
Why do people use altruism as a defense? We all like to feel good and we usually feel good when we can fulfill our own wishes and needs. There might be something small like wearing beautiful jewelry for a wedding or something bigger like being in a satisfying relationship or actualizing our own potential in a career. When growing up, a child might learn that it's dangerous to be selfish, quote unquote. Focusing on getting what one wants is punished and one's own wishes are seldomly fulfilled by the parent. Well, what happens with those wishes? If psychonalysis teaches us one thing, it is that wishes never die. They just move underground and find other ways of expression. One of them might be through altruism. You can imagine many different scenarios where the outcome might be uh repressed wishes that find expression in altruism. For example, having a disabled sibling who needs and gets most of the attention or having a sibling who is preferred, is more attractive, more talented, more promising, or only being able to make contact with a parent through taking care of them. Of course, none of this needs to lead to this outcome. And it requires a certain temperament and circumstances for someone to choose altruism as a defense against this sort of frustration. This is just to give you some ideas.
The two mechanisms behind altruism as a defense that make it work are projection and identification. Projection says, "No, no, no. I don't have that wish. You have that wish." You can see the distortion in reality. The wish is projected because having wishes for oneself feels dangerous. This is the part of the mechanism that reduces anxiety because then the person doesn't need to fear being punished for having selfish wishes because you know now it's the other person who presumingly has all those wishes. they were projected onto another person. And then a lot of work is put into fulfilling the wishes presumably of the other person through altruistic behavior like making gifts, uh supporting achievement of goals, making their dreams come true. And the next step is identification. And identification says through identifying with you, I will be able to indirectly enjoy this wish as well. This is the part of wish fulfillment. Remember, you know, in this case, wishes don't die. They just seek a different form of expression. Altruism as a defense can be an indirect way to fulfill one's own wishes because the direct way was blocked. You can see how this turns passivity into activity. Just like with identification with the aggressor, which is another defense Anna Freud described in in her book, which I made another video about as well. I can link that below. In this case, it turns not being granted one's own wishes by the parent into making other people's wishes come true and enjoying them there. More often than not, the person that is selected to receive all the altruistic gestures is based on the person that aroused envy or jealousy in the first place. You can see how both with projection and this sort of identification, the individual moves far away from herself. She abdicates her wishes and puts most of her time and effort into other people because the only way she can enjoy herself is through other people.
Anafoy saw that people who use altruism as a defense tend to be much more worried about the life of others than of their own. Meaning they are not too scared of their own death but absolutely frightened of losing other people either through separation or through death because of how vital they are to live out and fulfill their own wishes. their own life and personality has become so impoverished at this point because of all the outsourcing of wishes, drive, satisfaction and libido that it just doesn't mean much to them anymore. And therefore in treatment it can be considered an achievement to be scared of death of your own death because it means that they are reconnecting to their own wishes for experiences to have before they die.
I have already mentioned some examples here and there but let's take a look at three more to understand different expressions or aspects of altruism as an events. These are partly from Anna Freud's book and partly fictional for illustration. The classic example is that of a middle-aged woman. You know, you can imagine someone who is single, might be working in a helping profession, maybe as a nurse or a kindergarten teacher. not putting a lot of effort into her appearance, you know, wearing rather bland clothes, no makeup. She grew up with maybe an older sister that was praised as beautiful, smart by the parents who granted her her every wish. And in her adult life, this patient is still greatly invested in her sister's life. She helped her find the perfect dress for the first date with her now husband. She took great pains in organizing the sister's wedding. She watches the sister's children whenever the sister needs her to. and she might end up coming for treatment to psychotherapy either because the sister is moving away or she finally told the patient something to the effect of you know get your own life or the patient might develop anxiety attacks at work maybe in the kindergarten where it turns out that this is connected to a father who picks up his child and kind of signals interest or whom the patient finds attractive. This is an example that shows the projection onto and identification with the sister, the impoverishment of her own life and personality as well as the anxiety that is connected to traces of her own wishes that become activated.
The second variation is that of the parent who needs their child to live out the dreams that they couldn't fulfill for themselves. For example, the parent who came from nothing, sacrificed a great deal to send their child to school, university, and then needs their child to become a doctor, engineer, lawyer, or at least marry one. Kyong famously said, "Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of the parent." You can see how this is breeding ground for control for disappointment, resentment, guilt feelings. Especially of course if the child doesn't adhere to the wishes of the parent, it it ends up being a very complex situation where gratefulness for the sacrifice of the parent on the one hand exists next to the wish to live one's own life. A conflict that can be very tough to navigate.
The third variation shows that altruism can also be a reaction formation, meaning turning something into its opposite. You know, all I want to do is steal your husband for myself, but instead I'll become your mate of honor and plan your glorious wedding. You can imagine that the woman in our first example might have felt a lot of jealousy towards her sister already as a little girl and still now as an adult because her sister has everything she ever wanted and how feelings of jealousy and revenge might then create a lot of anxiety. Also, the fantasy of engaging, you know, with his father from kindergarten might be understood not just as wish fulfillment, but maybe also as an act of indirect revenge against women who have husbands that are desirable. first and foremost the sister. Those impulses of jealousy and even wanting to spoil the happiness of the other immediately need to be pushed out of consciousness because the fear of punishment is just too great. And in this case, they are turned into its opposite. You know, from jealousy to altruism.
What I took away from the idea of altruism as a defense is a reminder that one, defenses don't have to be good or bad. There is nuance. And we need to pay attention to why and how they're used. And two, I thought it was a very good reminder to not fall into the trap that if a defense mechanism is socially desirable, such as, you know, being altruistic, being pleasing, give to other people, idealizing others, not to overlook how it can inhibit and be too costly for a patient. That's it for today. Thank you so much for your attention. Bye-bye.
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