Transcription
All right. Today I want to talk about everyone's not so favorite subject, dating apps. You know, where men need a resume and women, they just need a good Wi-Fi connection.
Modern dating apps, or as I like to call them, digital casinos, where men lose money and women lose interest, are a lost cause for men. There's something I get asked about all the time. And while there was a time they were useful, heck, that's how I met my wife. In fact, 15 years ago via match.com, now there are cesspools filled with entitlement, ridiculous expectations, and twos and threes who think their duckfaced selfies make them nines and tens.
Look, we all know the drill. If you're a man, the requirements are insane. 6 feet tall. Sorry, 5'11 is now basically hobbit height. Six-figure salary because apparently love costs a minimum of 100k a year. Six-pack abs. Dadbod only if your dad is Thor. And the omnipresent 6-in you know what. As if we can magically pick what size we want it to be.
Meanwhile, what's the requirements for women? Well, as I said, basically Wi-Fi and a couple of decent filters on their photos. She fills out her profile and boom, she's got 300 likes before she even finishes typing, "Live, laugh, love." Of course, those 300 likes are from bots and guys she would never dream of going out with. But still, the ego stroke is massive.
And let's not forget the bios. Men, we've got to be witty, original, deep, and prove we're stable, but not boring, don't we? Women, on the other hand, well, half of them literally just write, "I'm looking for my king." Yet, it's funny how all those queens writing it show up with three kids, two baby daddies, and a credit score of 420.
But here's the kicker. Even when men check all the boxes, the game is still rigged. Swipe fatigue is real. Women swipe left just for sport, while men swipe right just to get one shot at a conversation that isn't answered with lol. Let's face it, if you aren't a supermodel from the cover of Men's Fitness with a couple million dollars in the bank and a body even Arnold in his prime would be jealous of, you don't stand a chance as a man. Cuz even the women who get their beauty tips from Quasimoto think that they deserve that perfect man, that perfect 10, and that's the man they're going to get. And society still has the nerve to say to men, you're entitled for not wanting to play anymore. Nah, men are just realizing that competing in the digital meat market where the house always wins is the fastest way to lose your sanity, not to mention a good chunk of money.
Here's the truth. Dating apps weren't built for men. They were built for profit. And women are the product. The more they keep men chasing, the more the apps cash in. And don't even get me started on the fact that most of the women on there don't actually exist. Those apps are so full of bots, even Twitter's jealous.
My advice to men, get off the apps. Stop feeding the machine. Stop paying for rejection on autopilot. Yeah, sure. I met my wife on one 15 years ago, but times have changed. These days, you're more likely to find Cersei Lannister sharpening her wine glass than the woman of your dreams.
So, I want to hear from you. So, tell me, brothers, what's the most ridiculous dating app demand or bio that you've seen? Drop it in the comments, cuz I could use a laugh. Hell, we probably all could right about now.