What Your Sexual Fantasies Are Actually Trying To Tell You (Part 2) | Jungian Psychology

Hey everyone, welcome back. Today we are talking about what your sexual fantasies are trying to tell you, part two.

So, if you didn't catch the part one of this, I suggest you go back and watch it. In that video, I explain how sexual fantasies from a Youngian psychology angle is we are looking at them symbolically, and there are usually other things at play in your psyche that can give you information, sacred information, about what is going on in your personal psychology and how that pops up in the things that we're attracted to, our fantasies, our kinks, etc. And I had no idea that that video was going to do so well, so I was like, "Yeah, like I don't know, pop your fantasies in the comments and I will try to decode them for you." But I got such an overwhelming response, I felt like I just had to make a second video where I will go through the common fantasies that popped up in the comments, also that pop up in my practice, and give you some more insight and information about what those fantasies could possibly mean.

Now, as I said in the first video, there's a lot of different reasons on why things could be popping up in your fantasy space. So, again, this is kind of like dream interpretation. I'm going to go through some of these most common fantasies with the caveat, it depends, it depends on you, it depends on your own relationship with the symbol. We can look at a symbol, we can give the standard kind of symbolic definition, however, you might have your own personal relationship or experience with that symbol that is going to hold and carry a lot more weight than what I say in this video and when I go through these various fantasies, so I just want to start with that caveat.

But again, I'm going to reiterate some of the things that I said in that last video, which is that your fantasies, your sexual fantasies, are loaded with psychological information. The unconscious mind speaks through images, archetypes, symbolism, right? It doesn't speak to us in very direct or literal ways. It does come through in our dreamscape. It does come through through our sexual fantasies. It does come through um in the projections that we put out into the world as well. But generally, I always say there's there's usually some underlying unconscious fear, unconscious desire, unplayed archetype. There could be something specifically around a trauma you endured. A lot of stuff that happened in the way that we attached to our caregivers will show up, for example, in our kink and fantasy space. And for some people, I find that their sexual imagination is just incredibly rich, and you can even think bigger, right? This can be ancestral stuff that's coming through your psychic field. This can be collective stuff that's coming through your psychic field into your erotic life force. Let's do it. Let's get into these fantasies.

Okay. First one is obsession and stalking. This is a big one. There are so many people out there that had like obsession fantasies, stalking fantasies. Someone's like so obsessed with me, they're stalking me. I'm being pursued. I'm being watched. Someone's incredibly fixated on you. And this one at its deepest level is about significance. It's been It's about wanting to feel significant to somebody. You're so significant that you're unforgettable, that this person is orienting their whole life around being obsessed with you, stalking you, right? This fantasy usually shows up if somebody felt um emotionally unseen in their childhood. Perhaps uh they had an absent caregiver, never really felt like they were attuned to or loved or cared for in the way that they needed. So, the psyche goes to this fantasy space where you are not optional. And I won't say that, you know, every single person that has this fantasy has some kind of attachment wounding, but I will say a a portion of people um that I found that really, you know, have a deep connection to this fantasy or this one really does it for them, it usually is rooted in some kind of attachment trauma. However, not always because, I mean, it's a core need as a human being to want to feel like you belong, to want to feel needed, to want to be loved.

And here's another thing that I always say to you guys, we're we do shadow work and we do work around this not to like eradicate our fantasies or to like fix our fantasies, it's just so that we have more information about the fantasy is trying to maybe tell us and also give us more access to other forms of uh sexual pleasure and fantasy. And I do find, this is another thing, if there is only one fantasy that you are specifically, that's your only path to pleasure, this is the only thing that does it for me, that is usually also information that your psyche is narrowly focused on something that wants to be integrated and wants to be resolved. So, therefore, there's nothing else that will turn you on, right? And so, the idea is is that we want to expand our ability to have pleasure in other ways or like other fantasies are also exciting, right? But when we're just singu- singularly focused on one fantasy, that is information that like psyche really wants you to see something here. So, if this is your thing, if this is your only thing, you know, if this is the question you want to ask is like where in my life did I feel invisible? Where in my life now perhaps somewhere I'm feeling invisible? To really get to the bottom of what the psyche is actually craving um and experiencing through this fantasy.

There's also like another side of this fantasy, it's similar but different, but it's this whole like I want to be chosen by somebody that's that shouldn't be choosing me, you know? It's the cheating fantasies, it's the betrayal fantasies basically. It's where somebody risks it all for you. They're going against their own morals and their own code of ethics because you are just so important that they they that they have to do it. It's like they're choosing you no matter the consequences and that also is this well, I must be extraordinary. I must be so special that people would be willing to risk things in their lives just to be with me. It's similar to the stalking fantasy in the sense that it comes from a deep desire of wanting to matter to somebody, to want to be loved by somebody so bad that they would be willing to break rules, go against their values even to be with you. And again, sometimes this could be love was scarce growing up, but also I want to say that anything that is taboo that the that the ego deems like not okay, like for example, the cheating fantasy, okay? That will already just become erotic, you know? So sometimes like I said, some of these things are based in actual things that happened in your life and sometimes it's just because it's taboo and that's what makes it hot.

Okay, we're going to go to the next one which was one of the most common ones. I'm trying to find a way to say it that's YouTube friendly. I guess you could just say impregnation fantasies, okay? And this is kind of about being claimed. Now, there's this evidence, right? And it doesn't consciously mean like oh, I must want children or something. Honestly, sometimes you'll have these fantasies because they fear having children. It's like scary to them, right? And this is why the psyche comes up with this kind of elaborate fantasy. Um but again, remember that it's symbolic. So there's a couple things that this particular fantasy kind of the itch it scratches, right? Um, but it's around being, you know, permanently changed. There's also this symbolic connection to creation. The ones where it's kind of like I've I'm being taken and this has just kind of happened to me. Someone coming and they are leaving this permanent impression, they're leaving a mark on you, right? And again, if we want to talk about things that happen in attachment, this could be perhaps around inconsistency, right? In your caregivers or in your early life or people were maybe coming and going. Um, and there's something about this permanence that the psyche finds incredibly hot to counterbalance this experience you had. But there's another aspect of it cuz like I said, there's this symbolic layer of it, you and um, fertility and pregnancy is symbolic of abundance. It's symbolic of overflow, excess, having more than enough. So, this can also uh, point to perhaps something around your own relationship to scarcity. And the other aspect of this is that there's something very primal about it, right? It's very it's about our animal body. It's our deeper perhaps primal uh, desire that maybe in our conscious waking ego life, like we don't want, not interested in, and so, pushes that down to the shadow, but our primal instinctual nature, it's still going to come up perhaps in our erotic imagination. So, sometimes, if you are somebody that maybe lives in your head a little bit more, uh, maybe you're a spiritual person, maybe you're you intellectualize a lot, this idea of this kind of primal takeover, if you want to say it that way, can be incredibly hot and like balancing to the psyche a little bit.

Okay, another common one is wanting to be used. So, this one makes a lot of sense. I think people have shame around it. Um and they think that has something to do with degradation and sometimes it does for sure, but a lot of times this fantasy is more about um not having to do anything, right? Like you're not performing, you're not emotionally caretaking, you are literally just a body. You're just existing. You're existing for somebody else's pleasure. Um and a lot of times this is also, I think I talked about this in the last video, too, but this is where a lot of these kind of submissive fantasies come from. It's from the fact that usually in your everyday waking life, you are caretaking, taking care of other people, um responsible for other people, perhaps maybe you're a leader in some way in other aspects of your everyday conscious life. And so, this fantasy comes up is incredibly hot because it is a surrender fantasy, really. So, this one can just be a relief from hyper responsibility, you know? And like sure, again, there could be other things in there from um conditioning and attachment. And yeah, maybe you were the parentified child, you know, that was emotionally caretaking for the whole family your whole life and like this is the fantasy because of that. But I think a lot of people that maybe overfunction or overdo in their life find this fantasy to be incredibly hot.

Okay, another one about being watched, being seen, like kind of exhibitionism. This one also had so many requests. And again, this one, think about it symbolically, it's around being seen. It's around visibility, being fully witnessed. So, if you learned early to like hide certain parts of yourself or there are parts of your conscious expression that you feel like you need to mask or hide or you can't fully be yourself. This fantasy of being watched and witnessed can actually be in like deep like healing kind of territory, right? And let me say all fantasies have the potential to have healing powers on you, right? As long as you're not going through the shame cycles. Because this is a thing. We've been taught so much, I'm going to go off on a little tiny tangent here, but we have been told so much in our society that our fantasies make us weird or dirty or [ __ ] up, and really that shame narrative blocks us from the blessings of these fantasies, from the healing potential of these fantasies, from the information that these fantasies are trying to show us about our own psychological needs.

But again, if this one is for you and you like the being watched fantasy, there's always the question of what am I hiding? What part of [clears throat] me wants to be seen? Now, on the flip side, let's say the fantasy is about watching other people. People get ashamed of this one, too, but it's psychologically fascinating. Because there's something about the distance, right? The safety, the safety to observe. So, for example, if direct intimacy felt threatening or overwhelming, the watching can create this proximity without getting that full exposure. And yeah, sometimes this can connect to attachment style, right? Um, maybe there are some avoidant attachment stuff at play, of course, but also there is this other side of it of like being the witness, you know? You're able to really just kind of be there and be present and like witness this from the safety of distance and not necessarily having to be involved. So, the key question here is like what does distance and observation protect me from? Um, but this is also, yeah, a really interesting one. I got less of the ones that were into watching more people being watched, but I wanted to at least talk about the flip side as well.

Okay, this one so common. Uh watching your partner with somebody else. This one is the most complex because it's relational and there are so many reasons why uh this fantasy exists. So yes, sometimes there's a humiliation aspect. And let me just say, humiliation I find uh becomes really eroticized and people find really hot, especially if they have a really strong ego presentation, if that makes sense. Like that the humiliation of the ego is almost the counter-balance to that. So I definitely see that a lot. With this one specifically, it's around jealously becoming erotic, okay? It's the way that the psyche like plays with a very uncomfortable feeling. And maybe there's fears of abandonment and maybe there's fears of your partner being with somebody else and that fear is so strong that the psyche eroticizes it into something that's pleasurable. And you'll see that a lot, like I said in the beginning of this episode, sometimes there is a deeper fear that's driving the fantasy. Like in this case, what I'm what I'm saying here is like, oh, there's actually this like fear of losing my partner and I have a lot of like jealousy that's coming up and this is how it's showing up in my erotic psyche. But sometimes it could also point to a deeper desire. There could be something there around compersion, around um wanting to see your partner in in the throes of pleasure, right? And there's a deeper desire for that. Uh there's other aspects of this where it's like proof proof of desirability that like, oh my gosh, like my partner is so uh desirable that other people want to be with them. There could be this kind of again, like this distance from performance pressure that oh well, my partner is getting pleased by this other person. I kind of don't have to do anything. I can just surrender and be here and be the witness. Going back to the watching fantasies. Um Also, if we want to talk about attachment with this, if they grew up with this kind of emotional triangulation situation where they were having to compete for affection or compete for attention and they're watching love go elsewhere and this could be in so many different things, right? Like there's a divorce and one of the parents gets a new partner. There's like a new child. Maybe one of the parents is gatekeeping love from the children. Then what I mean by that, this aspect of women getting kind of weird or possessive over their husbands when they give their daughter too much attention or something like that. I mean really [ __ ] up, but this is real. This happens. Um where it feels like maybe one of the parents is inaccessible for some reason because yes, a third party came in, another partner came in. One of the parents is kind of sucking up all of the other parents' attention and then that parent doesn't have time for the children. Like there's a lot of different reasons for this, but essentially the psyche will try to repeat things that feel familiar and this is again what we might call repetition compulsion. Sometimes our psyche will go back to something that felt traumatic either in our childhood or real trauma that happened to us. I think this is another thing I talked about it on the first video is that this worries people sometimes, but it's actually just the psyche looking for resolution around a situation that it felt like it didn't have control over. So you're kind of coming back. You're adding pleasure to pain. You're adding control to a a situation that you felt out of control of, and this can have a healing effect on the psyche. Again, if you can bring it into consciousness and integrate what's happening and like what your psyche is trying to show you about this event or this pattern, emotional pattern, that is showing up in your life. But again, this one is so nuanced, there's so many freaking so many different threads on why people like this one in particular. And a key to figure out what it is for you is you want to kind of dive into what's the emotion that you're feeling in this. Is it shame? Is it pleasure? Is it relief? That's another thing I'll say to you guys, when you are trying to figure out what could this fantasy mean, always look at the emotional texture of it and that will give you a lot of information.

Okay, another one is like around getting caught, public risk. This was another big one. Again, there's so much here, there's adrenaline, exposure, there's intensity, um it's breaking containment, it's forbidden. I think this one is also so hot because there's this like spontaneity aspect and especially if, you know, you're really measured or controlled person or everything kind of has to be in its right place, sometimes these fantasies where it's like there's adrenaline, there's risk, there's something taboo, there's something destabilizing, right? That is kind of the shadow of an ego that's always in control. So, that's why this fantasy can be incredibly thrilling. And again, taboo equals erotic charge because taboo is repression, right? We're repressing something cuz it's not allowed. Whenever we make something not allowed, it becomes or it can become an erotic charge. It can become part of our sexual expression. It's like when the ego's like absolutely not, the unconscious mind is like, "Hmm, interesting. Like, hot." And again, this doesn't mean that every taboo fantasy that you have, like, needs to be acted on or should be acted on, honestly. But, again, it's giving you information about your own shadow of what your ego deems, like, not permissible.

Okay. So, I'm just going to say, you know, no matter where you fall in this, like, don't be ashamed of your fantasies. I know I say this, I'll say it again. Don't be ashamed. Don't be brutal with yourself. Psyche can be dramatic sometimes. Our erotic imagination can sometimes be a little dramatic, like, >> [laughter] >> it doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you. It's kind of the same thing in dreams, right? Like, I know sometimes doing uh dream interpretation with some of my clients, they'll come with this dream and they're like, "I don't know. This dream was really [ __ ] up, you know?" Like, there was either, you know, some death in it or some killing or some sex stuff, and people are like, "Whoa." But, that is sometimes how the psyche speaks. It'll speak in this kind of dramatic symbolism to get your attention. Sometimes the more the more egregious or the more, "Oh my god, I can't believe I would ever have this fantasy." Um, usually means that there's some really good important shadow content within that image, within that symbolism, because sometimes the unconscious will be extra dramatic, will be extra, like, egregious, basically, to get our attention. Like, there's this example of you're ignoring the fact that you hate your career and it's bringing you no pleasure, it's bringing you no joy. It's really time to move on from that job, but your ego is saying all of these survival things about your health insurance and this and that and blah blah blah, like, so that your conscious mind can't even recognize that you need to get out of that job. well, you might have a dream that you show up at work and you blow everybody's head off or something, right? That's sometimes the unconscious mind saying like, "Yo, you need to get out of here." So, again, the more egregious or the more taboo or the more charged your fantasy might just be pointing to that there's really some unconscious content trying to get your attention right now.

And that's what I'm going to be doing in the next episode, actually. We're going to be diving into some of these darker fantasies, okay? So, the ones that are around like annihilation, consumption, um death, monsters, supernatural entities, like things like this, um because they are, I would say, also very common. There was a couple that I was going to put in this episode, but I figured, you know what? I'm just going to make all of the ones that most people would consider, quote unquote, dark and just put them into its own episode. So, look out for that for me, um within the next couple of weeks. And if there's any fantasy that you have that you feel like was not covered, um in what I just said here, and you don't think it's going to be covered in the dark fantasy episode, uh feel free to drop a comment, and I will try to make sure that I either include it in a future video or that I answer it in the comments. Um but other than that, guys, thank you so much for being here, and I will see you next time.