Transcription
The signs are there, they don't want you. Why are you fighting to be there? All the signs are there that they don't want you in their family. All the signs are there that they're going to make life unbearable for you. Why are you still pushing?
A lady said to me, "Pastor Sam, the reason why, pastor, how am I going to let it go? I've invested so much into it." Sweetheart, I understand you've invested emotionally, physically, financially, sexually, you've invested. I understand that. Can I say something to you?
The point I'm trying to make is that the person will accept you. When I got to the house of my wife, on the day I went to visit her father, it happened that as I was getting to the house, my wife was working around the house and she was on her short, you know, she was on her short. Now listen, I I didn't I mean, I didn't look. I just saw I mean, so I saw the shot and I saw my wife's lapse. When I saw it, I'm like, "Jesus, help me. I'm like, Lord, is this mine? Lord, is this a sneak preview of coming attraction? Lord, you let me correct me. This is this is my Lord acceptance." And I have not failed to admire her lap till date. Okay. Okay. Listen. And I've never asked God to reduce it or increase it. And I know her lie. I mean, I know our height. I've never told my wife once, you know what? Can you please adjust your height like by what inches? See, if you don't like what you are seeing, don't frustrate somebody by trying to marry the person and start trying to tell the person, is anything you can eat that will increase your height? Like at this age, are you like normal? Like, okay, imagine my wife telling me to grow like in what direction? Tall. I'm supposed to be eating beans so I can grow tall at this age. No, no, no, no. I've already given I've sewn that the remaining height that I was supposed to have that I didn't have, I've sewn it into the life of my son. All right. Okay. So make sure you know the person accept you. The person accept you.
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How do you know that someone is a potential match? I know that is a concern for even parents, parents who are watching me. What are some of the things you can use? Because if you don't know what you're looking for, you will never find anything. What are some of the signs you can use to know that someone is a potential match for your children, a potential match for your brother? So you can encourage your brother and say, "Boss, I think you're on the right path. Hey my sister, I think you're on the right path. My daughter, my son, I think you're on the right path." As a parent, it's important that you know what these signs are.
Number one, watch out for someone who accepts you unconditionally. Watch out for someone who accepts you unconditionally. It's very important. Romans 15:7, the Bible says, "Accept one another." Simple instruction. Accept one another. Look out for somebody who will just say, "Listen, I I love you as you are. As tall as you are, you are good for me. As dark as you are, as fair as you are, whatever it is, I'm not demanding that you give up who you are in order to fit into what I like." So, never play with acceptance. In fact, you should first of all look for acceptance. Acceptance should decide whether you will stay or not. Why did I say that? Jesus said, "I came to my own and my own received me not." And because of that, he went to the Gentiles. I came to my own. Jesus actually told his disciples, he said, "Look, if you go to a city, enter a house. If they accept you, stay there. If they don't accept you," he said, "Come out of the house, take off your shoes, and make sure you shake off the dust of that of that place from your shoes." And he said it will be worse on the last day for that city than even Sodom and Gomorrah. So you can see acceptance. Acceptance is very very crucial. If you're trying to fit into someone and you're not fitting in, don't force yourself in.
The signs are there they don't want you. Why are you fighting to be there? All the signs are there THAT THEY DON'T WANT you in their family. All the signs are there that they're going to make life unbearable for you. Why are you still pushing? A lady said to me, "Pastor Sam, the reason why, pastor, how am I going to let it go? I've invested so much into it." Sweetheart, I understand you've invested emotionally, physically, financially, sexually. You've invested. I understand that. Can I say something to you? What if this is where you are sewing your seed and the harvest is going to come from somebody else? Must you die with where you sold your seed? Why don't you just walk away and let God bring the harvest from somewhere else? Who would have thought that Ruth who was married to one of the sons of Naomi in her parents in her own country in Moab? Who would have thought that the seed of investment of love that she gave into the life of the son of Naomi? Who would have thought that the harvest of it will come in another country after the death of her own husband in the person of Boaz? Stop holding on to people that you sold into. Let them go. The harvest will come from somewhere else. Is that not a word of comfort for somebody? Trust me, THE HARVEST WILL DON'T DIE WITH a dying relationship. Don't drown with a sinking sheep. Don't Don't drown with a sinking sheep. And you're like, "No, I have some things I'VE KEPT IN THAT SHIP. It's inside the It's inside the sheep. How can I let it go?" And then you follow the You follow follow what you dropped in the sheep. you follow it into the waters and you drown and you're completely gone. Don't don't die with a dying relationship. Let it go. Whatever investment you've made into that relationship, it is nothing compared with what you're about to gain in the future if you walk away.
So, what are the signs? What are the signs that a relationship is a potential match? I'm going to give you all the signs, but please do not forget that these are just signs you can use to say I think this looks like a potential match. Ultimately, God should give you the final go ahead.
Number one sign is that I said the person will accept you. Number two, check out and please it also mean you will accept the person. So everything I'm telling you about the person is also what you two must mirror. Number two, check out for somebody who naturally enjoys serving you. Male or female, the person just love to render service to you. Be very careful with anybody you are about to go into relationship with that is constantly demanding service from you and rendering no service to you. Write that down. Beware of individuals who constantly demand service from you but render no service in return. Marriage is a place of reciprocity. Marriage is a place of symbiotism. Marriage is a place where I serve you serve. Nobody is a slave. Nobody is subservient in a marriage. The man is the head of the house. We understand that. He's a leader of the house. But he is not the boss. He is the leader. And a leader does not exercise s so much force that he begins to cause the person that is with you to act as a slave. So watch out for someone who is generous with service. Jesus said the greatest amongst you will be the servant of all.
Okay, I just got all of us who are the men now. You know I am the head of the house. Thank God sir. God bless you sir. Thank you so very much sir. I appreciate you sir. Yes. In fact sir can we say it again sir? You are the head of the house sir. Is that title you want us to give you sir? Like okay you are the leader of the house. That's great. Or maybe we should add one more. You are the boss of the house. All right. Uh I'll never forget when my daughter came to me and she was asking me for some things and I'm like go talk to your mom. You know what she said to me? She said no you know you are the boss and I'm like really I never knew I was a boss in this house. You know so here's the point I want to quickly make here. The greatest amongst us who are the greatest who is the greatest? The leader. Who is the greatest? The head. All right. This is what the Bible says the head should do. The Bible says the greatest amongst us must be the least must be the one who serves the greatest. So all of us men who want to take on the title of the head of the house you are given today receive the gift of headship and now face the direction of service because the job of headship is service. Write that down. The job of headship is service.
So number one, how you used to know a potential match is that a potential match accepts you. So the first thing I did was to accept my wife unconditionally. So I will pay any amount any day just to get my wife to laugh. I love her set of teeth. Is that okay? And God so help me. Something happened. Now listen, you're going to hear something now. So God so helped me. I proposed to my wife. I proposed to her in the church uh in her in the pastor's office. I proposed on the 2nd of January 2002. On the 3rd of January, I took her out for lunch and I served her. The first thing I did for my wife was to serve her. I had her sit down, tell me what she want, and I went to get the order and I brought it to her to serve her. The first thing I did was to serve my wife. on the 3rd of January 2002. On the 5th of January, I went to her father to go and introduce myself. This is barely 3 days after meeting my wife. And I was clear with my mission. Sir, I've come to let you know that if given the permission, I want to marry your daughter. And I came with some gift. I am not just a broke guy. I came with some gift and I want to show you how generous I am if you will let me marry your daughter. And the father who had vowed before that he would not let anybody from my tribe marry his children on that day he didn't even think about it twice he said you have my daughter 3 4 months later April on the 13th 2002 my wife and I were married 20 years after we are still together and one thing has not changed the desire to serve her I nothing gives me joy like just serving my wife it just gives me joy And here's the point. Serving my wife has not reduced my anointing. Serving my wife has not reduced my honor. Serving my wife has not caused my intellectual capacity to decline. Serving my wife has not made me to become an imbeile in the society. On the contrary, the peace that I enjoy is the reason why I am doing all that I am doing today.
The point I'm trying to make is that the person will accept you. When I got to the house of my wife on the day I went to visit her father, it happened that as I was getting to the house, my wife was working around the house and she was on her short, you know, she was on her short. Now listen, I I didn't I mean I didn't look. I just saw I mean so I saw the shot and I saw my wife's lapse. When I saw it, I'm like, "Jesus, help me. I'm like, Lord, is this mine? Lord, is this a sneak preview of coming attraction? Lord, you let me correct me. This is this is my Lord acceptance." And I have not failed to admire her lap till date. Okay. Okay. Listen. And I've never asked God to reduce it or increase it. And I know her lie. I mean, I know our height. I've never told my wife once, you know what? Can you please adjust your height like by what inches? See, if you don't like what you are seeing, don't frustrate somebody by trying to marry the person and start trying to tell the person, is anything you can eat that will increase your height? Like at this age, are you like normal? Like, okay, imagine my wife telling me to grow like in what direction? Tall. I'm supposed to be eating beans so I can grow tall at this age. No, no, no, no. I've already given I've sewn that the remaining height that I was supposed to have that I didn't have, I've sewn it into the life of my son. All right. Okay. So make sure you know the person accept you. The person accept you. Number two, the person is committed to serving you like you are committed to serving the person.
Number three, the person is truthful to you and with you. The person is truthful with you and to you. It's not that the stories keep changing every two two weeks. Last week you said you were working in a bank. 2 weeks later you said no that you forgot when you were telling me it was a bank that it's actually a financial house. Okay. Then 3 weeks later. Oh no no no. What you mean is that you have friends in the financial house but that what you do now is that you are selling cars. Okay. Let's go to where you sell cars. Oh no no no. What you mean you the story keeps changing. And there are women watching me. You have all those signs. The stories keep changing. this person is is a pathetic pathological liar and you are still putting up with him because you believe that if you marry him that God will use you to change the liar to become a truthful person. His mother failed. What makes you think you will succeed? HIS PASTOR DID NOT ACHIEVE IT. His mother did not achieve it. Sweetheart, you are the one that will now marry this liar and change him. No. And make sure God changes him before you marry him. So, make sure the person is truthful with you. MAKE SURE THE PERSON TELLS YOU what the person earns. You also be upfront with the person. I I listen I'm I just got a job and my salary is X amount. Don't give any don't create any kind of don't create a BIGGER THAN LIFE KIND of impression because it's a matter OF TIME YOU'LL BE BUSTED. If you know you normally eat in a in Nigeria we have places we call amala joint. If you know you eat in a mala joint, you eat in all this, you know, very simple places like what you call the subways and all of that. There's nothing wrong eating in a Subway, there's nothing wrong eating in a mala joint. But you see, when you now begin to give us an impression that you normally have breakfast in Chinese restaurant and that you have dinner in some some British restaurant and then one day we run into you in an amala joint. that's going to confuse us. So see, just be truthful, right? I know it's your vision. You have a vision of eating in Chinese restaurant. For now, tell us where you eat and tell us the vision of where you want to eat. Women are expandable and women are patient. If they know where you eat now, they will eat with you there. Tell them sweet this is where we are eating now but later we hope by the grace of God with you in my life we will begin to eat later we'll be eating in suspended gardens is that okay mhm all right you want to do your see you want to do your wedding be truthful sweetheart we can't host more than 24 people all right 24 and tell I can't even afford to buy a new suit. But here's the promise I'm making to you. By the time we're getting to our fifth anniversary, our 10th anniversary, we will have the wedding we never had. Women are patient. They will understand with you. Then for you who can only host 24 people to tell her just go and invite the people and then you come there's no 3 days to the wedding, you have disappeared. We're looking for money for food, you are not available. Money for drink, you're not available. Money for venue, you are not available. Or that's when you fall sick and then you recover from the sickness on the wedding morning. Okay? So, just be truthful. You don't have a car. Just tell her, "Sweetheart, for now, I do not have a car yet, but I'm going to be using a car." Please, when you see that car is the car of my friend, don't go and pick up your friend's car because he has gone to England and he's going to be away for one year because he's doing masters. You pick up his car and you give your wife an impression, your wife to be an impression that this car is yours. You put YOUR PICTURES ALL OVER INSIDE THE CAR. You create impression inside the car like it's yours. It's called fool's paradise. Just be truthful. Is that okay? Just be truthful.
When my wife came into my life, I took I look listen sweet. I said, "Look, you are starting with me low. All right, but our future will be great." And I moved her into a one room apartment, a single room, right? A single room. I I moved into the single room. I was the general overseer, the founder of a church. I had made my decision. I was not going to take salary from the church. I was not going to take money from the church. So I couldn't live beyond the little income I make from trainings. Yes, I do trainings. I do consulting, leadership consulting. I do training for organizations. So that's how I get my little little here and there. And I do speakings. I write books. So the little money that comes I do a lot of management of my money. Management of resources in our family has brought us to where we are. Prudence keeping our expenses low so that we can increase our savings. Making sure that we take our children to schools that we can afford part-time. Even when our income has increased had increased, we were we had to ask ourel a question. Do we now change the school of our kids to reflect our current financial status? No. Is our our kids getting the best of education where they are? Yes. So why try to take our kids to schools that will only make us impress our friends that we our kids are in so and so school only for us to be suffering the effect of it because of the money we are paying. So we had determined as a family we will keep our expenses low. I I know I'm helping some persons today and I just pray that this really gets at you. Be truthful with one another. When we started, we knew that we couldn't afford to buy any big car. So the little car we had, we managed it properly. We managed the little car that we had with us. I I remember somebody came to me and was telling me, "No, no, no, Pastor Sam. With the kind of ministry you have now, you're supposed to have a better car, like a big SUV." I'm like, "Thank you so very much, sir. You are not going to influence me to start living a life that I don't want to put myself under pressure to sustain. Be truthful with yourself. The first key to financial freedom is being truthful with yourself and choosing that you will not live to impress anybody.
Number four, how do you know that somebody is a potential match for you? Number four, never forget this. The person inspires you whenever you meet. The person inspires you. talking about being truthful to one another. In Colossians 3:9, the Bible says, "Do not lie to one another." Do not lie to one another. Remember, you'll be alive for 40 years together. So, if you if you tell a lie at the beginning of your marriage, you will forget you are told a lie. 10 years later, you'll forget to tell you told a lie. And then you will start narrating the story. You start talking about what happened 10 years before. and you will not know when you will bust yourself. So do not lie one to another. Here's my rule. Here's what I always tell my wife. Anything you don't want to be ashamed of in the public, never discuss with anybody in the private. Anything you don't want to be ashamed of in the public, never discuss that with anybody in the private.
Number four, a potential match will inspire you. A potential match will inspire you. Romans chapter 14:1 19 the Bible say build up one another. Build up one another not tear down one another. A real potential match. Every time you meet together the person inspires you. The person just inspires you. That's how to know a potential match. When you talk about your dreams and the person makes contribution your dreams get bigger, gets better, gets sharper. You get good understanding. You begin to say to yourself, it's possible. That's how to know you are with a potential match. A potential match always makes your dream to come alive.
Number five, a potential match easily forgives you. A potential match easily forgives you. Colossians 3:13, the Bible say, "Forgive one another." That's how to know a potential match. The person easily forgives and does not make reference to it. Easily forgives and does not make reference to it. The just like the Bible teaches us, the Bible says, I put away from you. I put away from me your iniquity as far as the east is from the west. Just like God does not call it to remembrance to remind you of what you did years ago, it is expected that you forgive in that same manner. So make sure that you are careful not to be in relationship with someone who is constantly taking you back to the errors of your past.
Number six, a potential match will be generous to you and generous with you. In Proverbs 11:25, the Bible says, "A generous person will prosper. Whosoever refreshes others will be refreshed." There you go. So, one of the things that God does is that he puts somebody in your life so that you can be able to refresh the person and be refreshed and be generous to the person so you can prosper. So, the first place to sew your seed is in your house. The first person to sew into is the person you're in relationship with. I always say to my to the people that I teach in relationship coaching, I always say to them, I never give to anybody what I've not given to my wife. I will not give to any woman what I've not given to my wife. So, it's important that you are generous to the ones who are with you, particularly your partner. So a potential match will be generous with you. Beware of a man who is in relationship with you. Every little thing. Hi Diana, can you send me can you send me money for for gas? Send me money to fix my car. Send me money for phone. Like what am I your mom? Okay. And then also be careful of women who from the moment she comes into your life, you're not married yet. Uh, can I get some money for my acrylic fingers? Can I get some money for my eyelashes? Can I get some money for my hair do? Can I get some money for my my nails, for my pedicure, for my manicure, for my cure? Just every little time we meet is about can I get money? Can I get money? No. Watch this carefully. The Bible told us that when Rebecca met with the servant of Abraham, she did not collect from them. She gave first. She gave them water. And that was what made the servant of Abraham to say this is a this is an outstanding lady. I'm just meeting you and you're giving me waterm and you're not just giving me water. You're giving water to the camel and to the man who came with me. That's a lot of work. Her generosity earned her a place in the life of Isaac. So it's important that all our women who are watching right now, it's important that you are empowered enough to also be a blessing to a man. I always tell the young girls in our church, don't just go to a man's house with just with eyelashes, with hair and and with acrylic fingers. That's not all you take to the house OF A MAN. GO with some assets. You can't be a liability in the house of a man. When you're going to the house of a man, you go with some stuff. Let the man know that you're coming to add value to his life and you're not just coming to be a taker. No.
Number seven, how do you know a potential match? He honors you. She honors you. Romans 12:10, the NLT version, the Bible say, "Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other." Romans 12:10, NLT version, the Bible says, "Take delight in honoring one another." That's a very powerful scripture. Take delight always looking for ways to honor the person you are in relationship with. Philippians chapter 2:3 the Bible say regard one another as more important than yourselves. Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
What are the other signs that you can use to know that this person is a potential match? The person loves you unconditionally. Romans 13:8 the Bible say love one another loves you unconditionally like God like Christ loves you. Jesus didn't tell you to change your tribe for him to love you. Jesus didn't tell you to lose weight for him to love you or save you. Jesus didn't tell you to change your color in order for him to love you. Jesus didn't even tell you to get a degree for him to love you. He loved you unconditionally. So look out for someone who will love you unconditionally. And the proof of love is acceptance. The proof of love is acceptance. So if anybody say I love you unconditionally and can't accept you unconditionally, we have a conflict of what the person is professing.
Number 10. And I'm beginning to race to the end now. Number 10. How do you know a potential match? A potential match makes you feel important. A potential max match makes you to feel important. Romans 12:10, the Bible say, "Give preference to one another, prefer the other person, makes you feel important, increases you, the person honors you, the person speaks well about you privately and publicly."
Number 11. What is a sign of a potential match? He nurtures you. She will nurture you. Seeking the good, the best good for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:15, the Bible says, "Seek after that which is good for one another." That's what the Bible teaches. So check out for somebody who likes to nurture you. Somebody's always looking for something good for you. Just like you are also looking for something good for the person. Every time when you're thinking, you're always thinking, what else can I do to add value to this person's life?
Number 12. Number 12. How do you know a potential partner as I raise and I finish up right now? A potential partner prays for you and prays with you. A potential partner prays for you and prays with you. James chapter 5 in verse 16. The Bible say, "Pray for one another." Pray for one another. That's what the scripture says. Pray for one another. So, make sure you find that kind of person when you see someone who spends time personally, privately, and and praying for you. And you cannot pray for someone you hate. You can't be praying for someone and be abusing the person. You can't be praying for someone and be demeaning the person. You can't be praying for someone and you are greedy towards the person. So it is it is contradictory to say I'm praying for you and I'm greedy towards you. It is contradictory.
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