Transcription
Have you all ever seen my first video? Like my my very first video on this channel? Well, if you haven't, I'm going to give a short brief description about what it was about. My very first video was me talking about how saying "I love you" to men was overrated, played out, and I gave suggestions on things to say instead of saying "I love you." >> [laughter] >> I had no idea what I was doing, but 5 years ago, that younger version of Seals, the man that you know today, [music] took a leap of faith to express my crazy mind on this crazy internet. And thank God y'all still rock with me. So, thankful for that.
So, in the spirit of Valentine's Day for those who celebrate it, and if you don't celebrate it for those who believe in the power of love, I'm going to bring back that topic. And what I'm going to say instead of saying saying "I love you" to men is played out, the new mature and and and more [music] experienced Seals the man is going to talk about the more effective ways >> [music] >> and words that you can use instead of saying "I love you" to men. What men are actually secretly waiting for you to say. Nothing wrong with telling any man in your life, your son, your your brother, your your husband, your boyfriend, "I love you." Let's not get that twisted. But, I know you don't come to my channel for surface level commentary. I know you don't come here for normal, standard, popular suggestions. You come here because of my out-of-the-box, health-guided, yet crazy mind of mine. And that is what I'm going to continue to give to you. I'm here to maximize, not to fill your mind space with fluff. Let's get started.
Now, let me preface my suggestions by saying these examples and these suggestions work because they pivot from emotion, which is how you, the woman, usually feels, to validation, to how most men feel or what they want. Men are often conditioned to seek competence and respect over pure sentiment. All right? So, now we got that as the foundation, let's get to the first. Most women say "I love you" when he's stressed, but that can sometimes and a lot of times add pressure, emotional pressure. If you want to actually lower his cortisol, say "I trust your judgment." Here's why. To many men, being trusted is a higher compliment than being loved. It validates his leadership and his capability within the relationship, which also builds his sense of self-manhood. Trust equals respect [music] in a man's nervous system. It tells him, "I believe in your judgment and your character." How you live your life, how he walks behind what he talks, leads her to her belief in his judgment. That is a badge of honor. That is a green flag. And in the right type of man, that activates responsibility, not pressure. You should never trust in quicksand because it is going to act on its nature and sink. And if you are on that quicksand, you are going to sink with it. So, how can you be mad at quicksand when it's doing exactly what it's supposed to do? Therefore, you can't trust in that. What a woman and what anyone's going to trust in is something that is founded, [music] grounded, solid, dependable, unmovable, because they know they can thrive on something that is sure. So, when that man is sure, when he's living sure, when his actions creates results, when he's true about his word, that's going to lead to trust. And that is huge.
You know, it's often that men are told "thank you" [music] for the things that they buy, but that focuses on the object, not the man. If you want to make him feel like an absolute hero, legend, Superman, pivot, I want you to pivot from the gift that I just explained, that sense of a gift, [music] to the vision and say, "You're showing me a life that I never knew was possible." With this saying, you're telling him he hasn't just provided a lifestyle for you, but he has expanded your entire world. It's bigger than the things he gives you or buys you or purchases you. He has given you a basket of intangibles, >> [music] >> support, respect, admiration, comfort, things that cannot be bought, purchased, or sold.
Let's go deeper. I know and aware of the countless of women out there who have endured terrible relationships, and a lot of them are blaming themselves for it. And that self-blaming creates an alternate reality in your head where you think that you don't even deserve a good relationship, a good man, a good life. Trauma creates false realities untouched by truth. But, when you come in contact with a good man who treats you right, loves you with realness, sees God's beauty in you, your life, her life drastically changes from what she's used to, what you've been through, to the point where you say or she says, "Wow, I never knew life could be like this until I met you." Until she met him. It is like a light breaking through the darkness. She now has vision into what it's really supposed to look like. This saying, which when a woman tells a man that she's experiencing a life that she never knew existed, that was possible [music] because of him or him being a big part of that. The reason why that saying hits hard in him is because solid men are conditioned and wired to add value. [snorts] When you're saying something like this to your man, this says that his presence reduces friction, not adds to it. He adds healing, not additional trauma. You are deeply affirming into this man, your man. And this is love in practical language. And practicality is like ice cream on a summer day to most men.
This is another good one. You ever been in a disagreement? Of course, you have. In the middle of a disagreement, arguments, it is so easy to try to debate who's more wrong. It is so easy to try to show yourself bigger than the other. But, if you want to instantly disarm his defensiveness and stop the fight in its tracks, stop defending your position for a second. So, listen to me. Stop defending your position for a second and say, "I'm on your team." So simple. Now, watch this. Watch how fast his walls come crumbling down. When he realizes he's not fighting an enemy, but a partner. The mistake that a lot of us make is trying to win the argument with force and belittlement and pettiness and all these negative things. But, what we got to understand is the best way to win an argument is not to crush the other person, especially when that person is your partner, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your husband, your wife, your friend. Doesn't have to be romantic. The best way to win an argument is to come out alive with a healthy solution. "I'm on your team." Those four words can end wars inside of your homes. Because sometimes you got to remind your significant other that although we are in this disagreement, although it seems like we are warring at each at each other right now, we are still on the same team. I am a sports head. I love all sports. But, when it comes to sports, even teammates argue with each other. It is just part of the human nature and communication. Sometimes when adrenaline is high, things get a little crazy. But, you always have to come back to your why, your team's why, the reason why y'all together, your goals, your mission for success. That is the core. You always have to come back and remember your core. And one of the best ways to remember your core and your whys and your reasons is to remind yourself and remind your partner that we are on the same team.
You might think telling him he's strong is the best ego boost, right? You you might think that that that men want to hear that. But, let me tell you something. There is a better and deeper biological trigger that those who think that are missing. If you want to tap into a man's primal protector [music] instinct, admire his presence. Sayings like, "I feel safe when I'm with you." might be the biggest of them all. It tells him he succeeded in his most important and admirable job, and that is protecting his woman and, if applicable, his family. It doesn't get no bigger than that when it comes to men. Because let me tell you something. A man that does not protect or cannot protect does not feel like a man. There is something about the sense of protection and being able to protect what's mine, what God has given me to protect, that I am a soldier for the loves of my life. That is a badge of honor that we all look to achieve every single day. It doesn't die. "I feel safe with you." This triggers his protective instinct. [music] Nothing makes a man feel more successful in his relationship knowing that he is his woman's sanctuary. It's not only a massive ego boost, but it's a heart boost. Yes, men have hearts, too. That is why I work out every single day. That is why I I changed my regimen, my eating regimen this year to become better, to maximize myself. I pray to God every single day that he maximizes me in his image. I am taking myself so seriously and intentionally from here on out because I don't want to lose the ability to protect. I don't want to be looked at as weak, soft, undesirable, and ultimately not a protector. That is not something I can accept. I am willing to die for mine. And I have no fear in that. And that is how deep it gets for men. And the decent man, the good man, the solid man in your life, I'm sure he thinks the same and would do for you.
Let's talk about compliments real quick. [music] Generic compliments like, "You're so handsome." They're nice. I like them, but they don't always stick. You see, men crave validation for their competence. So, next time he's fixing something, navigating a difficult situation, or even just mastering a hobby, look him in his eyes and say, "You are so darn good at that." That, those magical words that you just dropped on his eardrums, fuels his drive to perform for you. Listen to me now. "I love you" is general. You can say "I love you" to anything. It is almost like a blanket statement these days. What he wants is a specific commentary on him from you that only you know. And this saying is a direct compliment on his skills, his emotional intelligence, his ability, his drive, his problem-solving, his gold mine of a mind. That is what he wants. Men, we find power in confirmed ability. Cuz we may think we are the man. We may think what we're doing is good. We may think we are great at something. But guess what? When it is confirmed by you, the woman who spends time with him 24/7/365, it is just that. Confirmed. Stamped. Now I feel even better because I know it's not just me. That gives me power. And it's true because you know this because you actually seen it. You're talking to him all the time. You know him better than most. You see him when he's on stage, and you see him behind the curtains. >> [music] >> You know. So it's real and authentic to him.
You know, it happens often that people get so caught up in what a man provides that they forget to look at who he is when the world is not watching. To the point where "I love you" can start to sound like a habit. But [music] the saying, "I see you," is a conscious observation. It's the phrase that tells him that he doesn't have to wear the mask any longer. That he is fully known and accepted by you. When she tells me, "I see you." When you tell him, "I see you." You are making it known that he matters. It may sound so simple to you, but it is so profound to feel like >> [music] >> he matters. Say for instance, your man is on a health journey like me, a new health journey like me, where I'm trying to lose fat and optimize my health and maximize my body. When that man is trying to do that, he's actually losing weight, gaining muscle, looking better, skin clearing up. When you tell him that you see his progress, you [music] make him feel seen. But you also let it be known and you signify that his effort into this newness of himself, his effort into trying to become a better man for not just himself, but for you, matters to you as well.
Let me tell you something about men. I don't know if I could give a percentage on this. I'm have to do some research and some >> [music] >> find some survey results or something. But most of the things that men do are for women. I'mma be just straight up with y'all. Men buy nice cars, show off their jewelry, get bigger muscles, invest in their colognes and smell goods to increase the chances of finding that woman, that partner. It is a masculine thing, and it's not just humans, it's in the animal kingdom, too. Now, they're not buying cars and houses, but they do things to increase their success rate of mating. It just is what it is. So when he is doing these things for you, you have to realize that he's doing them for you. Or that you are a huge part of that. Once you acknowledge that and [music] acknowledge him and his effort in those things, it is going to create an avalanche, a domino effect in his mindset of his progression, of his chances at succeeding. You are telling him that his effort, his struggle, his late nights, his blood, sweat, and tears, his intention is not going unnoticed. It creates emotional grounding. "I see you" are a few words, but a huge impact. [music]
In conclusion, I got to say, don't get me wrong. Men don't need to hear "I love you" less. Okay? That's not what I'm saying. But they need to hear the language that speaks to how they see themselves and what they're working to become. As I talk about my channel, decent, solid, upstanding men, serious, intentional men are always striving to become better, even when you don't even know. Speaking to that, that is just as powerful and sometimes more effective, depending on the situation, than just saying, "I love you," when it comes to men. So once again, happy Valentine's Day to all those who celebrate it. I pray that you are with the type of man that I champion on this channel for the past 5 years. Or if you're single and you don't celebrate Valentine's Day, nothing wrong with that, either. I still hope you are giving yourself the uncapped love that I profess on this channel for the past 5 years. It doesn't change. A partner does not dictate the love that you deserve. All right? Sending you all the love in the season of love from your internet brother, your internet friend, your internet cousin, Seals The Man. See you next time. Peace and blessings. Goodbye.