Transcription
I went to bed in my son's room. As I laid there, I felt so ashamed of everything I had done and how I had spent the last 11 days. I realized at that point that I couldn't quit drinking. I begged God for help.
As soon as I opened that door, I was greeted with the brightest, widest light I had ever seen. As I started to open it, it created a complete white out. I just knew that I was going to see my dad. This portal appeared. He stepped through and he looked amazing. And as I was breaking away from that hug, I noticed he had a tear running down his cheek. I had never felt so alive. And in that moment, I was shot back into my body. He took my drinking away. In that same moment, I knew and I felt it's gone. It's all gone.
[Music] I am >> I am I am >> I am I am >> living God's light. >> I have not had an NDE. I've learned I don't necessarily want one, but >> No, I was just going to say that you you're better off not really. Like >> Yeah. Matter of fact, I I I said to Alyssa that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy and she told me Vinnie has said that before and you know I think a lot of people say that because uh there's definitely downside to it. >> What I have learned is by being around people that have had NES and people sharing their experience because it's more than just the the story there's a kind of a spiritual connection a transformation that happens when you hear these stories. >> Yes. and and I'm really really looking forward to hearing yours and and learning from that and and connecting with that. So, what happened?
>> I should probably give a little backdrop about myself. I This is probably a good time to do that. >> Yeah, I think part of your story for sure is you setting up who you were before your NDE. >> Absolutely. So um like I said earlier this happened uh it was in 2017 and so at that time uh I was married with two kids. My boy was eight, my daughter was six. Um I was union president on East Chicago Fire Department and I was in my 13th year on that job. Um I loved that career and I'm using past tense because um, in March of that year, uh, I was three months into my first, well, my it was my first term, my only term, and I I had just beat a 14-year or 16-year incumbent. Uh, I mean, our our department was really under attack by our mayor, who happened to be a retired firefighter, so we were very surprised at the actions he was taking. Um, one of the things he had done was um, eliminate our EMS and and they ran separately, fire and EMS. And so when he he eliminated them, he brought in a private organization to handle all the ambulance calls. And, um, I was very vocal about our manpower, uh, which was diminished to next to nothing. We were running twoman engine crews. Anybody who's on fire department knows that that's that's just there's nobody to do the work. you have a driver and a captain and nobody to follow the captain at that point. And because I was so vocal and outspoken, uh they transferred me after 13 years of being on an engine, a pumper. Uh and I my position was driver. I was a driver. Um they moved me to the heavy rescue. And um I always wanted to be on that rig anyway, so it didn't bother me. But they used it as a punishment because this was the one uh apparatus that had no territory. uh went on virtually every call that that come through the day because it just it was a big toolbox essentially. So um all day and all night calls if you can imagine. We had uh 24-hour shifts. So we slept there and then 48 off. So this day in March, we had gotten dispatched to a um a lift assist call, which is a pretty routine call. Uh and she was for what we call a frequent flyer, somebody who you know uses EMS a lot. And it's because she was bedridden at about 6 or 700 lb. She was a rather large woman. Yeah. Um and she was having difficulty breathing. So there was about nine of us there to um load her up on the gurnie and get her out of the the home. Um we carried a tarp on like a reinforced tarp with handles to, you know, you just kind of tuck her and move her around. Once we got her in the ambulance, we sent one engine company back because hospitals out of their territory. And uh we proceeded to the hospital where a rookie medic um who looked terrified by the way. Anybody who knows East Chicago, it's it's kind of a a rough neighborhood. And um so he he was very new, very green. And when he was pulling her out of the ambulance, he had the controls of the cot uh and I was next to him. I had one hand uh on the tarp handle and one hand on the cot. And uh the legs did not extend all the way down. and and I told him, you know, that they weren't and he said they're fine. He pulled her out anyway and she went straight down. And when she dropped that force, uh, which was probably about 10,000 lbs of of force that went down on a free fall, it compressed my spine. Um, and I felt my vertebrae hit each other. We got her up anyway, got her in the hospital, but that was my last day at work. I ended up having to go to the hospital and um I just haven't been the same since. So, uh, we had at the time six months uh 6 month on the job injury policy. That's really not enough time for anybody to really heal if you have anything serious going on. So, uh, if you don't get better, then it forces you into retirement, which is what I was basically in the process of doing. Um, some other things that were going on at that time that kind of feed into all of this. My uh my dad was terminally ill with uh it's called progressive super nuclear pausy. They just call it PSP for short. And it's kind of like Parkinson's, but it's very aggressive. He was coming up on the tail end of of his journey here. And um between the two uh I started to resort to what I did best, which was drinking. And uh I had >> gosh, man. Um I had my first beer at 14. I was 14. I mean, I think about that now because my daughter's that age. And I mean, I just couldn't even fathom her doing anything like that. But there I was at 14 getting started just like my dad. Um, you know, he was an alcoholic. He was abusive. And um I had every reason at 14 to start, you know, uh really more reasons why I shouldn't have, but uh that that progressed through the years. And you know, I was a bartender before I got on the fire department. When I got on the fire department with all the the trauma and stuff that you see, it just was a normal thing. And um so many so many of our our first responders resort to that. you know, I don't think the public is aware of how many people drown >> and and suppress the traumas that they see. Um, anyhow, I I I was trying to quit. Um, I had just read this book, you know, my wife knew I had a problem. She didn't want I I didn't want to admit that I had a problem. I would never have called myself an alcoholic then. Um, it was called The Almost Alcoholic. And I think she was being a little bit kind by by having that in the title, but in in that book, it suggested taking a three-month break, and I made it to two, and that was right about when I got hurt. Um, that was in March. We went to Florida on spring break, and and I caved there and I drank every day from March until I mean until I wasn't drinking anymore. So, uh, we'll flash forward to, um, October, and so my dad passed October 21st, and I'll never forget, he died in in our home in my childhood home, and, you know, they had the bed in in the living room, and for the first time, I was on the opposite side of somebody being put in a body bag. You know, so many times at work I had helped people do that and for the first time I was a family member witnessing that and and it just hit me in a way that um you know I just can't even put into words uh what it did to me. But it sent me in this downward spiral and I left my mother's home after they they drove him off. Uh but before I did, uh I hid she has this right by the the um the side door out to the driveway. Uh the cabinet for some reason there has always been where she keeps the meds. And and he had a ton of them and I knew he had Xanax in there. And so I I grabbed the bottle and I went home, stopped at the liquor store on the way, the one that was closest to the house, and I grabbed the first thing I saw. And right on the end cap there was Johnny Walker red. And and I don't I don't drink hard. There was never, you know, shots when I was in my 20s maybe, but I was 42 in 2017 and and more of a beer drinker and a wine drinker, but I knew that that that would do it. So, I went home and I started as soon as I got home and and I didn't stop. And the punishment I put myself through for the next 10 or 11 days, it surpassed anything I had ever done before to myself. I wasn't eating. I wasn't sleeping. I was drunk and and on pills through his wake, through the funeral. So, if you can imagine, I I I estimated I probably had about six hours of total sleep. Um, and that's over, you know, 10 days, right? Uh because the the pinnacle of all this happened on Halloween and I got so wasted that day taking the kids trick-or-treating and I don't remember much of it. I I do remember um vaguely going to our neighbor's house. Uh and it was this elderly couple that didn't have grandchildren so they always like to see ours. And I embarrassed myself there, embarrassed my wife. Um, I called I called them the next morning and and she gave me an earful and was reminding me of the stuff I was doing and I was so ashamed and embarrassed. Um, you know, people talk about rock bottom. You hear that often and I was at a point in my life where I was smack dab in the middle of that. Uh, I had just gotten a letter before my dad died that I I had to retire and I was losing that. And you know, although my dad was abusive, um, you love him anyway, you know, like there and there were so many things left unsaid that I didn't get to tell him before he died. I wanted to forgive him and I didn't get that opportunity. So here here I am uh in November 1st and I was hung over as hell as you can probably imagine and so I grabbed the bottle and started drinking again and popped another pill and my wife finally she'd had enough. She grabbed the bottle out of my hand and said you had enough. Um but that didn't stop me from still drinking. And uh she took the kids to bed that night. She she took them in in the room. And so I went to bed in my my son's room that night.
And as I laid there, I felt so ashamed of everything I had done and how I had spent the last 11 days at this point now. and and I put my arms out and I started to pray to God. I I had a it was a complete surrender. I I realized at that point that I couldn't do this on my own. I couldn't quit drinking. I couldn't manage the um pain that I was going through. And I begged God for help. I um I told him I just want to be a better man and a better father, a better husband. And and I saw myself to sleep. I was finally able to to get some sleep that night after not being able to sleep since my dad had died. Um, and I just remember I I don't know how long I slept because I I I woke up in the middle of the night and I I sat up in my son's bed. I was completely drenched in sweat and and I took my shirt off and I threw it on the floor at the foot of his bed. And I laid down on my left side and I was looking at um was facing the closet doors and it in front of me and to my left, which would have been the doorway, I saw this woman that I work with. Her name's Angel. Her name is Angel. and she was topless with her arms crossed over her head and she walked by me and just looked back at me in the room and kept walking and on her back she has tattoo of angel wings and she really does she wasn't really in my home. Okay, but uh but I didn't know that because I just I didn't even close my eyes. I don't remember closing my eyes. I put my head on the pillow and I'm looking at and I see her walk by and I'm thinking to myself, what the hell are you doing in my house? And so I sat up and and I start looking for my shirt to put back on. I couldn't find it. Uh so I got up and I walked into the hallway and I'm calling for her. There's no response. The next room down the hall is my daughter's room. I thought maybe she went in there. And so I stepped into the room and as soon as I walked in there, it was no longer my daughter's room. It was my room at my my mom's house, my childhood room. Bunk beds, um the old wallpaper, like everything that was, you know, was intact like as if I it never been changed. And um we had uh L-shaped bunk beds. So, in between the one bed and underneath there's u there was a dresser and so I thought maybe I can find something to put on there, right? And so I'm opening up the drawers looking for a shirt. It was all my childhood clothes, shirts that I hadn't remember seeing and I didn't remember I had them, but I mean it was so detailed and I mean I'm sitting there looking at these things and I'm like, "Holy cow, man. I remember this." you know, but I also knew they weren't going to fit. So, back and and walked out of my room. And so, now I'm I'm still in my mother's house. Uh, and I walk across the hallway into the living room and everything is a mess. I mean, it it looked as if an earthquake had hit the home. There's furniture out of place and everywhere, things falling over. When I looked into the kitchen, there was huge cracks in the wall and the cabinets were like hanging off and barely on there. And I'm still calling for Angel because I don't know where she's at in my home. And I'm I go into the kitchen. I'm trying to shove the cabinets back in place and and I'm calling for Angel and nothing. Um and so I walk over to the the side door that leads out to the driveway, the one I took the pills and walked out of when my dad died. And um as soon as I opened that door, I was greeted with the brightest, widest light I have ever seen. Um as I started to open it and and it cracked open it, it created a complete white out. I mean, I I couldn't see anything but white. And it was so bright that um a couple things happened as I was experiencing this. I felt myself come into where I was. In other words, I I it almost felt like if I was peeling out of my body and coming up into this into the kitchen to what would seem like my mom's kitchen. And um and it felt like I woke up only not the way we wake up here. It it woke me up to like a new level of consciousness that I'd never experienced. I mean I had absolute clarity. And if you can imagine this white just growing and creating this white out and it was in dead silence. It was like there was no noise, no anything. And you know where I usually have this ringing in my ears that was gone. like it was just dead silent. And um I you know like any good curious person I I walked into that I I walked through the threshold of the door and um and I was able to actually now see and and it was beautiful. Um and it was still as if I was outside of my mom's house, but it was just this light that shown was alive and everywhere around me. Um, it was as if it was kind of moving. It had movement life to it. Um, with this golden speckles or I I really can't explain it, but it was just beautiful. And I remember stretching my arms out and looking and I I kind of looked the same way. um with and I don't know if it was a light reflecting on me or what but um I looked up at the light and it was in the sky almost like if it was the sun but just beautiful and and in front of it and all around um I guess like the neighborhood was this white wall was this ginormous white wall that created like a perimeter and as I followed it and looked to my right which would have been down the driveway there was these two massive beings with wings that were standing there and they had to be about 9 ft, 12 feet tall, I don't know. They were magnificent and they just stood there. Motion was just still and they had armor. They had uh maroon robes underneath and they had these wings that were freaking huge. They were um just as tall as they were. These wings were massive. And and what was odd to me is they didn't look feathery. They looked they looked like your guy in the back. They look like armor. Like they were shiny metal and it reflected that light and it it was just there's no words to describe it. I I couldn't believe what I was seeing. And and somehow I knew it was like, you know, people talk about having this telepathic communication while they're there. I I didn't feel like anybody spoke it to me. I just knew that I was going to see my dad. And and so I looked back up the driveway and right in front of the garage this um portal appeared. It was like a golden portal. He stepped through and and he looked amazing. He had he had this aura around him that was also gold and and he walked through kind of looking like, you know, seeing where he's at type of thing. And so I I rushed over to him and there's so many things I wanted to say and the only thing that came out was I love you. I gave him a hug when I told him this and he told me he loved me too. And as I was breaking away from that hug, I noticed he had a tear running down his cheek. And uh I you know I had never felt so alive and so present. And you know I think present is really like the the key thing like it I just there was no other anything. I was just present there and I didn't realize what was going on even though there's a bright light and and these angelic beings. Uh, so I asked him, "You can make this happen again so I can see him anytime I wanted to." And um, he said, "It doesn't work that way. When you need me, I'll come to you." And so I looked back at those those things that were on the wall and I asked him if they were angels because uh, they didn't look very billowy. And he said, "No, they're guardians." And um there there was a moment in our conversation that seems like it was glitched out because I don't remember what we said, but I remember laughing. We both laughed and in that laughter it echoed everywhere. It was so loud um like bells ringing and um and I asked if they could fly and he said no, which I you know their wings look metal so I wasn't sure. Um, and I told him, I said, "Well, I can." And so he said, "Show me." And um, so I I rose, you know, and started to kind of float and uh, just above the house and and I started to go down the driveway towards the street. And as I was uh, it was more floating than flying really. But, you know, as I was doing that, he walking beneath me and I can see him kind of following me, right? And it was then that I noticed where our cheeks touched or maybe where that tear ran down that um there was a gray spot everywhere on on his everything. Um he had this beautiful glow, but there there was this spot where it was missing. And so as he approached the bottom of the driveway by the sidewalk, I come back down and landed right in front of him so I can inspect this right and it looked like a void. It looked like you could stick your hand in there almost like gray static like it was just completely gone. And and as I'm looking at this, he was um 73 when he passed. uh he started to morph as he's walking just stone cold not even looking at me he just walking straight straight past me he turned about 30 years old right before my eyes and I'd never seen him except for in pictures look that way and so I was kind of stunned when it happened and then he just vanished he just vanished and left me standing there and the whole time I'm thinking that I shouldn't have touched him that somehow my contact with him took took his trunk away or did something to him and and so I'm kind of left with his own no feeling. What did I do? And and then I hear a voice from behind me um say that uh you touched the power lines and I I'm like what? And I look down and there's this young girl maybe about six or seven years old in like an Easter dress and she tells me the angels are going to be mad because you touched the power. and and I looked up and I didn't see any power lines and I did see those guardians still there. Um and I just looked back down at the girl and told her and said, "Well, that's okay because I can fly and they can't." So I started to again and um so if you remember, I'm I'm like in my mom's by her front yard and and I start to float uh down the street, across the street, and over to the next block. And I see um she's running beneath me following me and and there's a house on the corner where it looks like some people are doing work, you know, like construction type of something. So I thought, well, this looks interesting. And I landed there. Um and I can see that uh there was a doorway and I could hear there was people in there, but I didn't see anybody other than that girl that followed me. When when and I always thought this was kind of strange. I never understood this, but when when I landed, uh, I I knocked over, they had like a playmate, like a lunch thing, and there was bottles of water that spilled out, and I tried picking them up, and I couldn't. I like every time I put my hand, it was like if I was just waving them a little bit, and they kind of moved back and forth, but they wouldn't I couldn't pick them up. And and that's when I heard this other man uh start to talk to me. and and I look up and he's standing in the street, a young Caucasian guy, brown hair, curly uh thin, and he's lifting his shirt up and telling me that um you know, he went into the hospital for something with his stomach and he didn't belong where he's at. He didn't belong there. And and I'm wondering why he's telling me this, you know, like I don't know who you are, where you came from, or why you're telling me any of this. And you know, he's just going on and on about how one thing led to another and he never left the hospital and that little girl still standing there and and then I'm starting to have this realization, you know, I just saw my dad who passed away 10 days ago. There's a bright light, there's guardians on this wall and and I think to myself, oh like did I die? And as in I'm thinking this, all these thoughts start to rush me. Um because I hadn't lived my life the way I wanted to live my life. I didn't want my son finding my body in his bed. And and I was thinking about all the it was really my life. Not even like it was a lot of time. It was so many days that I spent drunk and and that's not how I wanted to go out. That's what I was thinking. This isn't how I wanted to go out, man. Like that didn't do anything I wanted to do. This wasn't supposed to happen. And as I'm thinking this and where that man was standing in the street just a little bit further down the street, a mob of shadows start to appear and and they have the shape of people, but there's shadows and and now I'm thinking, "Oh shit." And and I start to back up and I say to myself, "I just want to go home." And in that moment with that intention, I mean, it was instant. I was shot back into my body, into my son's bed. And I came in with a huge gasp of air and what I've called like a love bomb. I don't know what else to call it, but it was all at the same time. As soon as as soon as I took that breath and came into my body, I was hit with the most immense feeling of love I have ever felt. And if that wasn't enough, he took it away. He took my drinking away in that same moment. In that same moment, I knew and I felt it's gone. It's all gone. it. I felt like I had never had a drink before. I felt brand new. And you know, I remember I threw my shirt off. It was in the middle of the night. And it's now like 8:00 in the morning as this is happening. And and my wife was hanging my son's clothes in in the closet. And it was the first words out of my mouth to her is, "I'm done drinking." And she said, "Yeah, right." after everything you just saw and after all the times I had said that before, you know, usually it was said because I was feeling like crap after a day of drinking uh that I wanted to be done, but this time I knew it through and through. It was gone. It's just gone. And it's it'll be eight years here on November like it's just gone. I I don't know how to explain that. And anybody who's ever suffered with an addiction before knows that that it sucks. It was the first thing and only thing I ever thought of and all of a sudden it's it's not and God is place. But um that that's that's the experience as it happened and um you know now I'm living with the post experience you know thing that happens afterwards and um and it's been challenging you know um as beautiful of as an experience as it was and it's grateful as I am and have been for for what God did to me and for me the grace that he showed me. You know, nobody talks about the friends that you lose, the people that don't believe you, the um the loneliness that ensues. Um, you know, and and so that's where I've been for a while.
>> So, Lupe, I just I want to thank you so much for sharing your story. >> Absolutely. I definitely want to explore that next part. Um, but before we go there, I would love to just hear Vinnie kind of share or, you know, some thoughts that maybe came up that feel so similar between your guys's experiences because when I was listening to you at the conference, I just kept feeling over and over, oh my gosh, that's like Vinnie. That's like Vinnie. So, I'd love to hear, Vinnie, if you had any thoughts. >> I feel like it, you know, you've probably um done a ton of meditating on this. I bet you cuz it, you know, you can't have something like this happen without trying to understand why, trying to understand what parts represented what. But one thing that stood out very strongly to me is that that dark crowd of beings that you saw right before you woke up was the spirits that were being removed off you. Meaning like the drinking and you know how we we call drink spirits in some cultures. And um and I feel like the that each uh participant in your experience has a a multi-dimensional meaning for you personally and how it it was not just happen stance that you were laying in a boy's bed, your son's bed for your experience because that's where the healing needed to happen is and the boy inside you, the little boy. And um the power of that light, man. The power of that love that you felt. There's there's just nothing here like it. There just isn't. >> And >> I've been chasing it ever since. >> Yeah. New addiction. I'm chasing heaven. >> Yeah. But yeah, it's it's just really neat that we all get the experience that we need um when we have these and not one exactly like the other, but you still see the same common factors of the powerful love, the um heaven presenting itself in some way, shape or form and having a bit of a guardian running things too. and how blessed to have your dad in that role. >> Yeah. >> But also how you were kind of guardian uh uh being a guardian for him as well even in your experience. >> Yeah. Someone suggested that um there was a dual healing that happened in that moment >> and and maybe even why he was able to morph into his younger self afterwards. I feel like that he was able to morph into his younger self because what needed to be done had been done and he was able to go to his next step, his next stage >> the same way as you were ready to go to your next step, your next stage. >> Yeah. >> Wow. That's remarkable. >> Lupe, do you feel like his presence is with you still? >> Oh, yeah. Yeah. Often. >> And uh I only tasted away once. you've only faced away once. Is that what you said? >> Yeah. And not in I guess maybe somewhat intentionally, but um you know, I was having a moment uh where I knew he was there and um and you know, the thoughts of the abuse come up and stuff and I just remember um screaming out loud in the living room that uh you know, I loved you anyway, but you know, I I felt him leave in that moment. But yes, I did. You know, I don't think he stayed mad at me. So, But we he he's definitely around often and and I talk to him all the time. >> That's beautiful. There's there's one element of your story. I would love if you could describe the guardians a little bit more in detail. Is that possible? >> But yeah, I didn't see faces, which I it seems pretty common after, you know, listening to so many of these. Um, and I, you know, I in retrospect wished I would have gotten a little bit closer, maybe flown up to see them, but they were pretty intimidating. Um, you know, the the armor they had on, the robes, the the wings, um, and just their sheer size, but, um, they were magnificent. It's kind of hard to descri. I tried drawing them one time and it was so awful. I'm not an art, you know, I usually can draw, okay, but um I just couldn't even capture what I saw. Um I'm not sure how to elaborate on that because it, you know, they just it's kind of hard to describe them, but there was definitely features, you know, like um the wings looked like almost like chrome. They were so shiny. And uh like I said, they they may have even surpassed their own height by by some, but they were massive, you know. They just um they were magnificent. I I don't know how else to describe. I'm sorry. I wish I could do a better job. >> It's okay. It's okay. I actually I just remember like something about you explaining the guardians stuck with me and I just kept visioning these after you told me about your story at the Ions conference and I just kept visualizing these massive guardians with very sharp uh not sharp but very uh shiny wings. It just kept coming up in my mind. So that's that's why I wanted to see if you could describe it again. Not even to get all the detail, but just to have that remembrance, I guess. >> Yeah. I've had a question about that. So when you saw these guardians, did did you get any kind of a a a sense of them like in your heart or in your mind? Were you just I mean you asked what they were, but did you said they they were almost intimidating, but did you feel like any sense of peace or threat or worry or calm or was there anything just the presence of them there? Were you able to sense anything just from who they were? >> Um I I didn't want to mess with them. I'll put it to you that way. you know, like um they they look pretty badass. And you know, I I questioned at first why they were there. I've had people tell me they were guarding the entrance, but I don't believe that that's the case. I I I believe they're mine, you know. I believe that they're my guardians because um sometime later I was uh you know I cried for so long after this for months straight and and I I had this moment where I was telling them you you know you watched me fall over and over and over again and before I could finish that thought I heard them say we watched you rise again and again and again. >> So >> that was from the guardians. You felt that? >> Yes. >> Yeah. That's that is so this is one of the things that I I wouldn't say I struggle with in life because I understand but sometimes I mean sometimes life straight up sucks >> what >> and uh >> I don't know about >> except for except for Vinnie whatever. And and I and I understand I get this and we get asked this a lot. Um people like why is life so hard? Why do all these bad things happen? And and it's interesting what I understand now. The perspective that we have here is so very limited. And this is one of the things that is in the light after death with Vinnie talking to Drake and he's like why why do so many bad things happen? And uh I don't remember the exact words, but Drake's like, "What? This is a learning experience. This is to help you learn and grow and stretch. Do you expect it's going to be easy, >> right? >> What why would you want like why would you not want the opportunities to grow as much as you can?" And and I also sometimes a sense of scale, a sense of perspective. Um I mean, pain is pain. I mean, when you're six years old and you can't get what you want or you stub your toe, it it's a really intense pain. And as an adult, we're like, you're going to get over it. But many times, us as adults in life, we're still like those little children. And I'm sure on the other side, like the guardians, they're like, I know this this is really, really painful right now, but the person you're going to become on the other side of this is worth it. >> Amen. Yep. And it's just doesn't make it necessarily easier, but sometimes that perspective helps. Like, okay. And knowing that once we, you know, let go of this mortal coil and and get to the other side that that love of God is just going to wash all the pain away anyway. It's all temporary >> and uh some of it's going to last. We had to go and cleanse some of it off through some processes, maybe meeting up with a son afterwards to help cleanse that to move on. Um, but God's got it figured out. >> Yeah. Yeah. It kind of sucks that we don't at the moment while we're here. It'd be nice, >> which is kind of the point, I think, because we if we knew it would be easier and >> what fun is that, right? You know, I think, you know, but attaching that purpose on the the tail end of that and knowing that there is a reason behind it, even though we don't know what it is, it's definitely helpful, you know, and it um I I think even more helpful though is, you know, you don't have to die to do this, but to establish that connection with spirit because they'll guide you through all of it. >> All of it. and and no matter how alone you feel or um how how down you feel, they're always there in the backdrop, they're right there and and and it takes it all away. It makes it so much better knowing that. >> Yeah. So, L, I got one more question with that. So, yes, definitely having that connection with the other side helps helps to give that perspective. Have you found it helpful or easier to connect with people that are on this side like like sharing this story and meeting other people that have had not maybe not even non near-death experiences but who have had spiritual experiences that you that understand? >> Hell yeah. um you know, and so that there's I mean, it's still going on that most people that I talk to who I who relate to this are like you guys right now a screen on a computer or on a tablet or something like that, you know, uh I don't have a lot of face tof face interactions that's why I was so thankful that I went to Ians and actually was to put some physicality to the you know a lot of these people and um and you know I have to tell you Raymond Moody meeting him and the way he just kind of sat there at the book signing. I felt like I was at the Charles Xavier School for the Undead, you know that I mean and but finally surrounded by my people. It was so uplifting, you know, to to be there around so many like like-minded. I mean, and and just people who are experiencing the same thing. It didn't necessarily have to be an experiencer there >> to to resonate, you know, like everybody's just on the same page. So yes, absolutely. When I I talk to anybody who um is hungry for this kind of knowledge, you know, and has a I when I say hungry and then call it a thirst, but uh you know, >> there it's like the um what do they call those tuning forks, right? You know, you vibrate one and then the other one >> and and so >> that's what I'm, you know, on the hunt for. There's just, you know, none in Northwest Indiana and there's there's some, but I just haven't bumped into them yet. But, you know, I've tried I've even tried putting out there um in like local Facebook groups to see if there's other people who've had experiences in Meetup and and nothing. So, >> it's like this for now, but I um you know, I didn't come across you guys for nothing. I know you guys are in the process of growing communities and things like that. So, >> so on that note, Lupe, um it hasn't been easy for you though to get to this point of understanding that you've I mean you shared a little bit that you've shed a lot of the relationships. How was this received by you know, you were in the firefighter community and just your family? How was your story received? Well, you know, I felt at first when this happened like I was glowing red-hot with this energy and I couldn't shut up about it, but I also couldn't talk about it without crying like a freaking baby. Like I And worse than that, I mean, I just >> I remember the looks of my friends when I would tell them and I couldn't even get it out because it was it just I mean, I I cried some. Today's was nothing compared to how I was before. I mean, I was like a bumbling idiot. I But I also had this elation, right? Um and I I couldn't shut up about it. I saw angels telling everybody I saw guardians, you know, um talked to my dad. Like I I But it wasn't long after I and I I couldn't even tell you. I couldn't pinpoint when, but I got hit with this massive feeling of humility. And and it's a very strange place to be when when you're feeling both elated about an experience and then feeling about this big when you realize that there's such a great power out there that it it just literally transformed me. You know what I mean? And not just the alcohol. I mean that alone is I mean it's a miracle, right? But um but in so many other ways in every way he he renewed me. it it's like I'm a completely different person and and so yeah, you know, the story was it was received probably as about as best as it can be. What what I've learned is that, you know, people have their their set of beliefs and and once you you scribble outside of those lines with whatever it is you're saying, you lose them. They just, you know, they're done listening and now you're just talking gibberish. And so it was very disheartening to to pour my heart out and and to cry in front of these people who aren't even listening anymore. And so, you know, it there's a retraction that happens for sure. Um I have to tell people I felt like Frank the Tank, remember, we're streaking. We're going to the quad. We're stre, you know, there's nobody behind me. I was by myself in this feeling. Um and and so you know there it stayed for for a while you know and and adding to that the after effects that I was experiencing were um they're kind of freaking me out to be to be quite honest you know um I became very very empathic. I didn't even know you know what that word meant. Um but I mean I I couldn't go out in public without feeling other people. And unfortunately, I was not in a high vibe state. So, I was picking up on some pretty low vibe stuff. I'd be at Target and I'd get this feeling right into my gut from the little girl who just got her mouth covered cuz she was screaming, you know, crying and they're trying to shut her up and and it sent me freaking out of the store. It was so awful, you know, and it wasn't just her. It was several people and and I I didn't know how to explain it. and and just intuitively I everywhere I walked I I would cut my hands and I had them over um my heart chakra and that's another thing you know like I was not a believer in chakras and any of that um but it wasn't long after I felt my third eye open, you know, like what what's going on here and and with that I mean just a whole onslaught of of stuff as well as you know, we were talking earlier I don't know if it was recorded or not about the hematite and and trying to um to ground myself because we were going to Disney, I couldn't get in airports without feeling this vibration in my chest, you know, and um I all the while if it weren't for the drinking, I mean, I knew something miraculous happened, right? Um but I always questioned if I had died or not. And honestly, doesn't matter if I was on the verge or if I actually did because I know what happened was real. But, you know, um I I was reading this book and and and this woman had interviewed a bunch of near-death experiencers and I couldn't deny that I had
all of the same after effects. And one of the ones that really kind of clued me in was watches. The watches kind of going berserk on you.
And and I had just put new batteries in about three of them because they just were messing up. And um and and so I I knew something happened, right? You know, like um but yeah, uh I start, you know, you brought up meditating on on all this. That's another thing that I just felt compelled to do. I was not a meditator. I meditate just about every day. And if if I don't, it's because I missed it somehow. But um it's become a daily ritual for me. Uh I felt all these chakras open up on me. And and with that, I learned how to control them. I can, you know, I can do it at will and and close them if I need to, which is nice because then I don't have to feel everything if I don't want to. Um, but, you know, depending on where you're at and sometimes maybe you should, like when I went to Ian's, I wanted to feel all that. So,
So, you're saying I mean you were not aware of any chakras, any crystal healing or any?
No, that was dippy chick stuff, man. That was not for me. So,
Yeah. No, they don't they don't teach that in the they don't teach that in the fire department.
It's truly incredible. You you also shared with me Ian's one after effect with the red meat.
Yes. So, probably my least favorite of all the things that happen and I think this ties into picking up on energies. Um, but yeah, I I uh I couldn't. And pork also, red meat and pork um were just putrid. They tasted like death. If death had a flavor, I couldn't and thinking it was rotted. I kept spitting out meals and and telling my wife that I I couldn't do it, you know, like what is this meat any good? And she's like, "It's fine. What's the matter with you?" But um one one woman suggested blessing the food before I ate it. And um it does work. It does work. I will say that. However, knowing what was on the other side of that before I had to bless it, I just stopped eating it. Um, and and I don't know if that's tied into the emotions the animals feel, but that was the the sense that I got, you know, these animals are, you know, they're frightened for their life. And and you know, um, they're aware. They're very conscious of what's going on. And, um, and if that's their last moment, that's residual, right?
Yeah. That's stuck. That's stuck in their flesh. And And you're so sensitive. You're picking it up when you're you're eating it. Yeah.
Do you know beef sandwiches used to be my favorite and and and to have to, you know, scrap that off the menu. It was uh I mean it's a big change because, you know, then the family had to start eating ground turkey. Turkey seemed okay. You know,
I was going to ask about I mean you said like red meats, but like birds or fish or anything like that. Is that
Those seem okay? Yeah, they seem all right. And um
Birds and fish, they don't really uh you know the way that they're, you know, processed. It's
It's very quick and so a bit different than with your your cattle and your pork and
Yeah. So they're also they're quite a different animal that I've seen chicken not even know they're being processed while it's happening. And
Yeah, I mean, they they keep walking after you chop their heads off, right?
It's very interesting. It's very interesting. And you know, I don't think that's a statement on that it's bad for everybody, but I think it's a it's more of a testament of how this has transformed you and how sensitive you are now and empathic abilities. So,
So, I got a question continuing down that line. Do you feel any awareness or connection or anything with like trees or plants? Any more awareness there?
Hells to the Yeah,
Tell me about that.
Yes, I knew it. So So I've got to sorry, I do want to hear that, but I've got to interject and this is largely for our audience that this awareness never used to be part of my experience. But as as we're going through this and you're talking, I'm getting this asking about plants, ask them about trees. That was not my idea.
Yeah. But I'm aware. I'm aware now because I've been in this environment and hanging out with people like you. So, so Lup on you, Lyn.
It is. It absolutely is. And that's why I'm so grateful when I said at the beginning, I want to connect with your story that hearing things like this raises my awareness and helps me. It basically helps me gain some of the benefits of having of of that people get from their near near-death experience without actually having to go through one.
And it's it's blown my mind and changed my life. So, I just wanted to point out to people listening that immersing yourself, hanging out with people like this, it makes a difference.
Absolutely. Desire. So, yeah. Tell me about the plants and stuff.
Well, I mean, I'll just tell you straight away, they freaking glow, dude. They glow. They have they have an aura and and I was so I would go on these walks um gosh sometimes a few times a day but um you know that's where I heard most of everything you know being spoken to all just all kinds of wisdom that I would write down on these walks and um one day I'm walking and I'm looking at this tree and the freaking thing was glowing so bright I mean it was straight up and down the trunk the all of the branches. I actually walked o into somebody's yard and over to this tree because I wanted to see if what I was if that's I really seeing this, you know, all down the trunk I could see the glow around it with like this grayish perimeter. And so I'm putting my hand in there like it's not going away. There's nothing wrong with my eyes. Um, no, they they definitely have um they have energy and they're very conscious and they will change. They will exchange energy with you if you if you ask, you know, they will take your bad stuff away and they transmute it. Like they they're they know you're there. Trust me, they know you're there. And I that's another thing. I'm freaking tree hugger now.
Literally. Literally. Yeah.
Yeah. And you know to me before they were just in the backdrop and now some of my most favorite days are gray days when it's like overcast because you know one of the other side effects of sensitivity to light's a pretty common one right? So on a sunny day it's there but it's you know a little harder on the eyes but on a gray day gosh man you can just they're just boom I'm always asking my sister it's where I stay right now can can't you see that like when you look at the trees you don't see no I don't see anything it's there Like it's there's definitely a brightness around them all the time and it it's beautiful. It's um I hate to kind of ruin your question, Vinnie, but it's it's my favorite after effect.
Dang it.
That one's coming next.
Yeah, that that one's my favorite. Um and and you know, I don't know that it does much for me like some of the other more prominent ones, but um you know, when I I was thinking for the longest time that maybe there's something wrong with my eyes. I did have to get glasses here recently, right? Um but so first day at Ian's I was a little bit late getting there uh because I meditated in the hotel room and so I got there as they were doing I think they call it the invocation right where the woman was doing like a guided meditation when I walked in the room and she was chanting and the first thing I'm thinking to myself is oh my god what I get myself into here right because I was very skeptical coming to this um but you know I don't just see that around trees I see it around people too now and and so if you remember the backdrop was a black curtain. And as she she had her hands out like this with her eyes closed and she's saying whatever. And that was the first time that I actually saw something I had never seen before where normally this energy around a person or a tree kind of um it it outlines right the the same shape around her hands. She had these huge circles almost like lily pads like these pods around them. And I just kept staring at them because it's too late for me to join in the meditation. She was already into it. So I just sat up and was looking at everybody else and watching her and just figured I'll just look at her aura, right? And um so as she's doing that, I saw I saw circles around her hands. And then the other thing that happened that validated this was and I know you were there Vinnie um Chris Bats, he gave his his talk on suicide and you asked him about his favorite after effect. And the whole time I was watching him talk and his backdrop was white. I kept seeing violet behind him and and of course the globe. I kept seeing that color. And so like any newbie, any good newbie, I resort to Google all the time, you know. And so I wanted to see what that color meant. And you asked him his question and he said um that I think it was like spiritual wisdom, which is what that color means. Yeah. And it was tied to spiritual wisdom. So I was like, "Yes, I'm not imagining this shit." I couldn't see it.
Well, I love that um the whole tree thing for you that that's that you know everything around us is energy. Everything. Our words, our our actions, the living things around us, even the things we don't think are living are living. um you know being blessed or or uh remanded to Las Vegas for you know 23 years like I have been um you know I I've noticed that even the rocks here have their own energy their own voice and it's it's just really neat that this universe has a frequency for everything and if you can learn to tune into that frequency you can feel them communicate with them and uh you know possibly in the future make some agreements to move that big rock there over to there.
Yeah. You know, and that's how heaven does it. And that's that's the potential for us in the future. What I learned over time is exactly what you just said. Yeah. You can actually tune into that frequency. You you can match that vibration. And you can do that with people, too. Um I think it's uh easier to slide down the scale than it is to slide up. I think you have to have already kind of cleared that path up to to get there again. But um you know I I think it's pretty neat. But it it kind of added to this feeling of of this place feeling so fake.
Something I've started doing uh one of the things that Vinnie has said before talking about trees and their awareness that that we're like hummingbirds to trees because we move so fast compared to them. Um and I've always loved nature and all the rest. And while I don't feel the same energetic connection, I can't see the things that you guys see with that. Uh, something that I've started doing again that I did when I was a kid is anytime I walk by a tree, I'll just like brush the leaves or whatever. Um, and just kind of express some gratitude. Um, and it doesn't not that I'm expecting anything from it, but just knowing that because I know if I were to sit there, if a hummingbird came and landed on my finger, it would just be the coolest thing ever.
Yeah. And so, but just acknowledging the beauty that's there in the world and these all these living things around me. Sometimes when I'm laying in the grass, I think about Vinnie's experience with the grass and how each blade has its own consciousness, you know, the grass in heaven. And, you know, sometimes I'll just I'll just look at just individual blades of grass and just kind of just take in the wonder. I mean, it's it's magical how much how all of this stuff comes together. And it's it's for our benefit and creation's benefit and it's all there to lift us and inspire us and help us to learn. It's just magnificent. And it just even though life can be really really hard, it's really helped me to make sure that I'm very intentional on appreciating all the beauty that we've got around us all the time.
Yeah. And life life gives us what we look for. And if we if we look for those moments to appreciate what is, we get appreciation for what is.
Yeah. Yeah.
You said so many things you said reminded me of of of some of the stuff that's happened since. One of the first things I wrote on um uh that NDE Facebook page, I finally built up the courage to put something on there and it was um if people were trees, I feel like a bird in a tree. It's exactly how I felt like I had somehow gained this new higher perspective. And um and then you reminded me too of the first time I felt uh the chakras here. I didn't even know we had them here. I had to Google that afterwards was because of a hummingbird when we were moving. Um I I don't know if it hit the pod that was in the driveway or what, but it was just laying motionless in the driveway. And so I scooped it in my hands. I have a picture of it. I scooped it in my hands and went in the garage and um opened everything up and and decided I was gonna try and pass it energy. I'd never done it before. Um and I felt it felt like rings in my hands. It felt like these rings opened up and I was like and so I just kind of sat there with it for a minute and the damn thing come back too. It went up in the raptors for a minute before it flew off. But when it did fly off, it did uh circles around my daughter and and myself three. It flew around three times and then
Well, because the energy the energy that's in your hand is a spiral and one goes one direction, the other one goes the other direction. So, one's a send, that's your yin, and then uh or sorry, your yin is your in your your swirl towards and then your yang is your swirl away.
Yeah. But, but what's really cool though is you didn't know the energy you were using to put into that little baby, that little hummingbird was a swirl. And so it got up, swirled, and then left.
Oh, wow. Yeah. I had no clue. I honestly didn't even know there was anything in there. I just felt like maybe I should do this. So, I did it.
Well, I'm leaning into that just just that feeling like maybe I should do that. And what a gift of it like coming too and saying thank you in a way. And that is beautiful.
Well, you know,
I'm so in awe of your story.
Yeah. Well, um I I just had this notion that if if it's coming this way, then it should be able to go that way, too, right? Oh, it's not all about just picking up on stuff.
And that's what I found is one of the keys with this is don't overthink it. If you get an impression, go with it. I mean, if it's if it's a place of gratitude, love, and trying to help others, don't question it. Just lean into it, trust it, and see what happens. Just play with it.
Yeah. that that sense of play gets you more growth, more learning than anything else in all of this.
Yeah. Yeah. I've learned um Well, you have to listen to that intuitive voice because otherwise it just won't shut up anyway. So Oh, yeah. Just gets louder when you don't listen. Yeah, that's the
Yep. So, Luke, I got a a big question for you. Um, if you could tell the whole world one thing, what would that be?
Man, it's all real. It's all so real. When when when this first happened that that's what I I couldn't shut up about because I always considered myself a believer, you know. Um, I wasn't a very good Christian, you know, we didn't haven't read the Bible. We never really went to church except for the important stuff. Um, but I always prayed. I always knew. And so, I believe there's these stages. And I'm not trying to detract from anybody's definition of faith because I know people use that when it comes to their um, faith in God and Jesus and religion. Uh, but just from a like a textbook perspective, uh, to me faith is what you have when you have no reason to believe that there's something there. Uh, when you have a couple reasons and you move into believing, right? Because you know you have this or that and then when you die, you know, you just know once you've seen it firsthand. Um, and and that knowing to go from believing to knowing was so profound. Um, it was like, "Holy this is real." Like, it's all real. It's very real. Like, this is and and if anything, it it's actually more real. It's more real than this reality that we live in. Who cares if it's round or flat? I know you're a pilot. I'm not Maybe we'll talk about that another day, but but you know, this realm that we live in is is not real in comparison to what lies ahead for us. And I didn't even get all the way in. You know what I mean? like I I was basically at the threshold of that. But um, but geez, you know, like it's it's very real. So don't don't discount uh anybody's testimony um let alone your own. Don't you know, don't ignore that voice that's speaking to you because it's coming from somewhere. You're surrounded people. We're all surrounded by helpers, you know, one way, shape, form, or another. Um, they're there. They've always been there. They will always be there. And um, we're not alone here. We're not alone here.
That's amazing.
Thanks.
All right, Lupe. Our very last question for you. I know what it is.
Conversation. You do know what it is.
I know what it is.
How am I living God's light?
Yes. How is Lupe living God's light? I'm so glad.
Look, I did my homework. I watched so many of your guys' podcasts. Um, you know, I had to think about this one because there's so many ways I could answer this, but um, and one one of my prayer sessions at my son's bed. Um, and and I was questioning not only why me, but what am I supposed to do with all of this? You know, like what is the purpose in all this? Because, you know, you feel like you're supposed to do something, right? Lay hands on people or or start a ministry. I mean, I had no clue. I didn't feel like doing any of that. But maybe laying hands on people a little bit or something. Um, but before I I you know, I was actually crying when when I was asking this because I just felt like why me? Like what am I supposed to do? And and the answer to your question came with the answer to mine and and I kept hearing in my head Corinthians 16:14. And like any good newbie, I had to Google that, too. because I didn't I don't know scripture. I did I didn't even know if it was going to pop anything up and be real. But there it was. Let all that you do be done in love.
And and yes,
That's what I try and do every day to help live God's life is to come from that place of love. Um, I open myself up when I meditate and and I I channel God's love through me and and ask him to pour it out of my heart like a freaking Care Bear when I go out in the world. That outwards and and definitely want all of my actions to reflect that. And and I'm not perfect, you know, far from it. Um, but I'm trying. I'm I'm trying. And and and and you know, I just pray for that guidance every day. and and and that's what I do.
That is that's one of my favorite answers to that question is is be present with love. Because when we're present with love, we become a vessel for that love. And love is God's guidance to us. That's how we connect to to that communication. Yeah. May I say one more thing before we end this is I felt this was kind of important to bring up and we are vessels for God's love. Um and as Jesus once said we to become conduits for that and to bring it here. And so I actually wrote this down. Um you you've heard of Emanuel Swedenborg or no?
Um I've I've heard of him. Yeah.
Yeah. He's kind of a mystic back in the day almost like an Edgar Casey. Um but so I'm going to read this because he this was his quote. God created us in such a way that our inner self is in the spiritual world and our outer self is in the physical world. This is so that the spirit part of us which belongs in heaven could be planted in the physical part the way a seed is planted in the ground. And and I wrote this like an essay once about becoming a conduit. And I had this revelation in my mind, this epiphany um that the more people that do that, if you can picture being on the spirit side and seeing somebody opened like a conduit, it's almost like a lightbrite, right? Where that light can go through and and I I truly believe that the this is what's happening in the world right now as people is people are awakening is that seed is germinating and taking root here. And and the more that that happens, I mean, if you can imagine all these little pin holes that are starting to line up here, what that's going to do for the vibration of the hole and how that transformation is going to happen. I believe that's exactly what's happening right now to not just to me, but to so many other people. Thank you for expanding your light today. If you want to find more information, get connected to our community, or simply contribute, see our website at livinggodslight.org. As always, please subscribe. [Music]