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Are you permitted to use sex toys? >> Okay, fantastic. Is it okay for me to use sex toy? >> All right, pastor. How do you deal with a long-distance relationship? We talked about ungodly stuff. >> Okay. >> And we know very well that a long, long-distance relationship basically is about communication. Yes. So, is it just communication? You every day in the morning, wake up, good morning, how are you? That's it. How about how to spice it up, you know? So, what do you mean by giving back? Thank you, Lord. Now, I I appreciate I appreciate her sincerity because I love the fact that we're going to be very raw here. Is that okay? Because the reality is that many of us are very good at pretending. Is she asking a practical question? >> And all she's just simply saying is that look, is it okay if the guy is outside so that the guy doesn't start looking at other girls? Is it okay if I send him nudes? Is it okay? Question. Is it okay? Huh? Okay. Now listen to me. Whatever you begin a relationship with a man with is what that man eventually will become damaged by if it's negative. For instance, if you give a man sex before marriage under whatever guise, huh? First in the mind of the man, you have registered that it is an okay thing to have sex outside of marriage. So under the same circumstance if the man is not at home and there's a need for sexual intercourse because he didn't wait, you did not restrain him. All right, you allowed him. What is going to happen is that when he sees another lady who will allow him, he will do the same. It is very dangerous for you to be in a relationship with a guy and you are not married and you start sending nudes because nudes are not what to keep him. What keeps a man is character. Any man that begins to ask you for nudes, something is actually wrong with the man. That's that's how to know that something is wrong with the man. So asking for your nudes is very dangerous. Um, don't forget that there is no guarantee that you will not break up until you are married. Until you are married, not even the day of your marriage. Until you are married, there's no guarantee that you will not break up. What do you do when a man breaks up with you and he already has all your nudes? So girls, think about the future when you are doing something today and then the man, when he gets to know that you are getting married to a responsible person better than him, God showed you mercy. That's when you hear that, "I didn't know how my phone leaked." Is that not what leads to most of the leaks we see? Then the video and most of these guys, have you noticed that when these guys are doing video recording of you having sexual intercourse with them, most of them are always recording with the future in mind. So they put the camera in a position whereby to conceal their own identity, but your own face will be revealed. So, so it's important for you to know that all these things you are doing have future implications in a digital age. Some of you have not woken up to the reality that you are in a digital era. You are still dating as if you are in the analog era. So sending nudes, my sister. No, no, no, no. Tell those your friends that told you to ask me the question. Tell them that no, it's not ideal because I know you are a fantastic lady. I mean, I know your integrity. So >> sorry, please. I have one more question. >> Then the dance relationship, you don't want to cheat on your partner, right? >> Especially for the ladies. >> Yes. Are you permitted to use sex toys? >> Okay, fantastic. What is that? Let's go home. Oh, yeah. Carry your bag. Let's go home. Um, I want to call three girls that we should go to their house together. Uh, see people bending their heads. Now, we live in the days of vibrators. Huh? We live in the days of all manner of sex toys. And there's never been a time when the sex toy industry is booming like now. >> And the people using them the most, church women. >> Can I shock you the most? Pastor's wives. >> Yes. So here's the game, ma'am. The moment you start anything that has to do with artificial stimulation, you have altered your sense of your state of consciousness. Don't forget that a vibrator is a vibrator. It is being assisted to do anything that you want it to do. Either it has a battery connected to electric or it is naturally positioned to function in a vibrating mode, anything, but it is artificially empowered. Right? You see this man here, you see these brothers here. What's the sexual intercourse? That's why you notice if men want to have intercourse for a little bit of elongated time than the natural. You see things like Viagra and all stuff, even that that is damaging to the man. So the man naturally is not designed to go into a woman too for a longer time. Okay. You may be fooled by the movies you watch, the porn movies. Now, part of our studies when it comes to porn is that most retired porn addicts, those who are porn stars have come out to reveal what the porn industry is all about. So the movie you watch where you see a guy thrusting through a woman, having all kinds of sexual intercourse with a woman and it goes on for about an hour. It will amaze you to know that they do that, they do that movie in a week, and in a week, the guy is under the influence of drugs. So he does a morning session, he does an afternoon session, he does an evening session, he does the next day like that, he does sessions. In the end of the day, they fuse everything together. So a guy who only lasted two minutes or three minutes because of multiple sins, the guy is made to look like he lasts one hour. So you watch that and then you carry a normal man who only has Jesus. So we have a guy who only has Jesus inside him, and because you've already watched this scene where these guys are just thrusting through, then the next thing you're doing is said, "Do it harder, come in harder." And the guy's like, "Sorry, woman, what do I have to give such as I have?" Now, here's where the trouble lies. Because of all these things you have watched and you are expecting him to do, because he couldn't perform, you will start looking. I said, "There must be a guy who can do it that way." Do you understand? Now, the same thing with vibrators. When you start using these vibrators, they start giving you certain levels of stimulation. And don't forget that when a woman is stimulating herself, whether you're touching your clitoris, you are touching your G-spot, whatever it is you are doing. As a woman, you know better than a man your most sensitive spot. This guy is a young guy. If you don't lead him, the Bible says that another shall guide you. Is that okay? If you don't guide him and say, "Bro, put your finger here. Put it there. Move it there." This we don't have all that's not our ministry. Do you understand? So for a guy, he has to be taught that this is where you can touch me. This is where you can do. I didn't know certain spots in a woman. I saw woman is woman. So my wife said, "Come, calm down." So immediately. No. So my wife had to guide me. He shall be led in a way he knows not. Like a blind led to the shepherd. So I was led. Is that okay? So the point I'm making is when you use a vibrator, you likely will use a vibrator to achieve certain levels of um sexual excitement that a natural man may not be able to help you to achieve. So you've gotten used to that before you get married. Trust me, most women are saying it now that they no longer need their men because after their men have had sexual intercourse with them, they said that does not get them to the highs. They it's like drugs. Once you start taking cocaine, you start taking heroin, it takes you to a high that you can never take yourself to by by by nature. So, it's very damaging to the psyche. It leads to what you call altered state of consciousness. Your your consciousness is altered. Your desired level is altered to a level that is not normal because you are using things that are not artificial. Now you're going to get a guy, you want him, when you now get married, you want him to do all those stuff. Unfortunately, he's not wired to do that. Then you're going to run into problems. Like a woman said to me, she said, "Pastor Sam, my husband does not know." She married as a virgin, but she got introduced to this thing. As at the time when she came to speak to me, I went to preach in their church, a popular church here, and I preached on infidelity. She said, "Pastor Sam, when people came out that day, their pastor was crying." She said, "Pastor Sam, if I had come out that day, the church would scatter." Why? Everybody respects her, including her pastor. She's a manager of a big bank. But when she came to me, she said, "Pastor Sam, I'm talking to you now. My mother will be ashamed of the girl she raised and sent into marriage as a virgin." I said, "Why, ma?" She says, "I'm talking to you now. There are four men I'm sleeping with. Four." And she said, "Pastor Sam," she said, "I don't know where the wild, how the wild nature in me got activated." She said, "I just can't find satisfaction in one." So she said, "There's a man she sleeps with. That one is just for business." There's another guy she sleeps with. She said, "That one is a younger guy." And he said, "That's a guy that brings out all the wild nature. He ties her, BDSM, spank, and they do all kinds of." Where did she see spanking from? She watched it somewhere. So vibrators, trust me, if you are into the vibrator business, I'm not telling you it will not bring you pleasure, but it will bring you so much pain in the future because you are going to now start looking for what you can't find in a man. And if you can't find it in your man, you will keep looking for deeper vibrators, bigger vibrators. You're going to be looking for men who can function like vibrators, and certainly you'll never find, you'll not find the confines of marriage. Is that okay? All right. Thank you. Is it okay for me to use sex toy? Thank you. Are you answering? Is it okay for me to masturbate in order to satisfy myself when my husband or my wife is not around? traveled for long. Okay. There's what you call order. O R D E R. Order. It's one of the greatest principles that govern the earth. That is why the sun does not shine at 2:00 a.m. Order. Nature teaches decency. God did not create the pennies for the mouth. I know I have gone into something else. In 1 Corinthians, Paul will be talking and then he will say, "This is by the spirit of God. You say, this is me. This is me as a person." Whatever a couple does, whatever a couple, and that's the correct grammar, a couple is singular. Whatever a couple does in their bedroom is their business. I don't interfere. If they think it's oral sex, they want to, it's their business. But I'm speaking as a marriage counselor. And I'm talking about, I'm a law student. And sometimes in class, the lecturer will say, "You're talking about morals. We're talking about law." There's a difference. So I'm speaking as a yoga girl. I'm speaking as a marriage counselor. I'm speaking as, I'm speaking from decency. And I'm speaking from my faith, my personal faith. Sex toy. So oral sex, sex toy, masturbation. These are perversions instituted by the devil to discredit sex in marriage. And the fact that something is popular does not make it right. The fact that a bishop is doing it is not God now does not make it right. I understand you that you are used to sex and your husband has traveled for a long time. Is it possible for you to find a way to travel with him once in a while? Because maybe you're still young and you need sex. Is it possible for your husband to please find a way to show up even if he has to quickly travel back? Because problem is, if you're not careful, you're going to go into adultery. If you're not careful, your husband is going to go into adultery. You need to find a way to work it out. Oral sex or masturbation is not, is not the solution. If you're not careful, the devil will take over your mind and possess it, twist it. In fact, you will start believing that it is right. Remember I told you this is my opinion and I believe I have the spirit of God. So, can you find a way so that you and your husband? Except that maybe he's abroad and then he doesn't have a paper and all that. That's another kettle of fish entirely. How are we sure that he's not even married there? You need to know what is going on there for people to have paper. Let me not even go into that. So, if you still want that marriage, I don't want you to start what you cannot finish because if you do, you'll be feeling guilty. The devil will be accusing you. The spirit of God will be convicting you somehow, somehow because you have the spirit of God on your inside. It's not the solution. Can you quickly find a way to reconnect with your husband so that this temptation will be taken care of? Meanwhile, you might want to start a new hobby like swimming, like learning the piano, like just to distract you, like volunteering for something, you go, by the time you come out, you are so tired, you don't even know anything about sex toy. You know, just and when God sees that you're trying to please him, he will work something out for you. I don't know if I think I'll just take uh how many minutes more do I have? Whoops. Okay. So, quick ma'am. >> So, I have two questions. First, your generation and our generation are not the same. >> Yes. >> And um the men we have today talk about sexual compatibility. >> Yes. >> Which um a lot of time is very important. And you said okay the Bible said sex is a sin. So, how do we go about that? >> Outside marriage? Sorry, ma'am. >> That is not legalized sex. So, >> Sorry, ma'am. It doesn't matter what generation you belong to. The Bible is for all generations, sweetheart. Whether it is robot generation, computer generation, any man you give sex before marriage, you will live to regret it. Period. >> Okay. My second question is, we talk about um women. We are all humans are not perfect. We're working towards perfection. >> Absolutely. Um, in a relationship, our older ones will always tell us that when someone is wrong and he has come back to say, "I am sorry," absolutely you forgive the person and take the person back. >> Right. >> In terms of men. >> Yes. >> Sorry to say, in terms of men, when you forgive them, they can cry a river, and when you forgive them, they come back to do the same thing over and over again, and you keep forgiving. So, in this situation, how do you handle that? Because a lot of time when we walk like when you leave them behind, there's always an older person to tell you, "Please forgive the person. He's not perfect. You will not find a perfect person out there." >> Absolutely. Okay. So you don't, okay. So your your major concern is what do you do with people that keep repeating the same thing? >> Repeating the same. >> Repetition is indicative that the person has not yet come to a state of admittance that what the person is doing is wrong. So, sweet, look out for that when you are cutting, when you are dating the guy. >> Okay. But why do men ask for second chances and they keep repeating the same thing? Like, no, I'm I'm paying because why do men ask for second chances? Because we are men, and we don't get it. So, your assignment, your assignment when you are dating a guy is to first of all make sure that as you're talking with the guy, you notice he's done this stuff. Don't forget what I told you. Commendation, commendation, observation, recommendation, right? Commendation. So you let him see, "Guy, listen, look at what you did to me yesterday. You slapped me. You did this and stuff like that, okay? And you want to promise me that's not going to happen again." And he said, "Yes." And and tomorrow he does it again, and you're still dating. And you talk to me, say, "Why would you do that again to me?" He does it the second time, trust me, it's no longer a mistake. Is that okay? Once you get to the third time, if for any reason why you love him, then you can say, "Because of that, you want to call somebody else who is like a senior person because such a matter will not be kept in secret anymore." Call somebody who is senior to intervene. After that, if he's unwilling to change, please, you've already gotten a reason why you should not marry him because what you are seeing repeating itself before marriage is what you're going to have happening during marriage. >> Okay, sir. Um, you talk about giving. >> Last question, sorry. You talked about um men giving as part of being a man. Yes. >> We have different kinds of men. There are men that don't know how to give until you ask. >> Yes. >> I don't know. Are they not good men as well? >> They are good men. >> Okay. >> The most important is that they should end up giving. >> Yes. That the Bible also says, "Ask and keep asking." Is that okay? So, so here's the game. Here's the game. Here's the game. Just be aware that if the man you are dealing with is a man that you must keep asking before he gives, what? Know that that's what will happen in marriage. So don't get into marriage and expect him to change. Just know that what you see is what you're going to get. That if I'm going to get anything from this guy, I must give what? But if you ask, he doesn't give. You ask, he doesn't give. Just know that that's what you're going to have in marriage also. He's not going to be a giver. And my concept to you is if you ask a guy, the first time you ask a guy again, and he says, "Sorry, sweetie, uh, please, would you begin to think about just being generous on your own?" You understand that he, what? >> That's it. You said he would get mad because of how you talk to him, not what you say to him. It's how we talk that creates problems, not what we say. Commendation, commendation, commendation. Sweetie, sweetie, don't give that guy sex. >> Don't, don't give anybody sex. You understand me? If he's if he tells you he's a digital guy, tell him to go and sleep with a machine. You said if you have already done that, I appreciate that question. Is that okay? I had the same conversation with my son, and we're talking about certain things, and he said, "Daddy, what if somebody has made that mistake already?" You've come to a place where you've learned now, and all of us have made mistakes before. Just for you to be aware, you are not alone. If you've ever made a mistake here, raise your hand. Wave it. Wave it. Wave it at her. You got it now. You get it.