Transcription
Karisma. Some say you either have it or you don't. Me, personally, I don't just believe you can build charisma; I know you can. Charisma gives you the ability to influence, charm, and attract those around you. The neat thing about it is that it can actually be broken down into a few psychological traits, and once mastered, it can dramatically increase your influence and overall attractiveness.
We've all seen movies with George Clooney in them. We know he's a good-looking guy, and he's been on the cover of several well-known magazines. Something that you probably don't know about George is that he doesn't always get the girl. But, like a handful of other actors, he has mastered the skill of charisma, and you can clearly see it in every movie he does. What is it about George that normal guys don't seem to have? What makes him so charismatic?
Brad Pitt is another example. If you've ever seen the Ocean's Eleven movies, maybe you wondered why these movies had such a powerful, charming effect about them. Yes, the story told through the movie was great, also, but the charming effect that you felt throughout the movie was caused by the combination of George Clooney and Brad Pitt together. It is almost like any movie these guys touch turns into gold. It's true that they are both above average in terms of physical appearances, so they obviously have the halo effect going for them. But what is it about these guys that makes them seem so charming?
Personal charisma is a sophisticated set of social and emotional skills, and it allows you to influence others on a deep emotional level. Once you have it, it is something that sets you apart from ordinary people. It is something that makes other people remember you. In fact, many people believe charisma has a divine origin because nobody ever taught them the art of charm. You can think of charisma like a chair: if the chair doesn't have all of the legs, you can't sit in it. Charisma is like a perfect storm of several psychological traits, and they must all work together.
If you want the ability to charm anyone, you must be able to express your emotions to others. Charisma is associated with being emotionally energetic, and, in other words, you wear your heart on your sleeves. It's easy for a charming person to show emotions and make them known to others. Imagine someone you know who's charismatic and think about how they seem to light up any room they walk into. This is emotional expressiveness, and the opposite of this trait is someone who is too scared to show their emotions in face-to-face communication. Someone who shows the opposite of this trait might seem like some kind of a robot; they tend to keep their emotions bottled up.
Empathy is another part of charisma, and it's the ability to read the emotional cues of others. In other words, you can feel the other person's pain. George Clooney is perceived as a sensitive, caring person, but not to the point of being overly sensitive. The ability to feel other people's pain allows you to connect with them on a deeper level, and it's part of the art of being charming. A charismatic person is not afraid to show their emotions, but they're also masters at regulating and controlling their emotions. Imagine some guy is breaking out in McDonald's because they took too long to make his burger. It's obvious that this man is not afraid to show his emotions, but he is lacking in the charm department because he doesn't know how to control and regulate them.
We've all had times when the fast-food worker messed up our order, and we were so angry that we just wanted to throw the burger at them and leave. Somebody who has started to master the art of charm knows how to put on a poker face, so to speak, and they know how to hide their emotional states. In other words, a charismatic person knows how to always appear calm, cool, and collected, despite the fact that he's not tall, dark, and handsome.
George Clooney is extremely charming, and one of the reasons for this is social expressiveness. What I mean by social expressiveness is the ability to engage others in conversations and social interactions. A charming person might not be outgoing and extroverted from birth, but they can assume these traits when they want to. Think about Tony Robbins, in the way he captivates his audience, with countless millions made from his shows; he has totally mastered the art of public speaking. This man can work the room and speak to an audience of thousands, but at the same time, he engages with each person in the room on a meaningful level. To be more charismatic, you must improve your social skills and your ability to engage in conversations with others. As you begin to master social interactions, you'll start to feel as if you're above the conversations, on a higher level, and the ability to be charming will start to feel natural and automatic.
So what else is it that makes George and Brad so charming? What is it that makes charismatic people seem almost as if they have some sort of superhuman or divine power when around others? Another piece to the puzzle of charisma is the ability to pick up on and accurately read the tiny details within every social interaction. A charming person knows how to listen well, and they have great knowledge of social norms and rules. A charismatic person is tactful and poised, and they have mastered the art of analyzing people during social situations. The best way to develop social sensitivity is to spend more time in social interactions. In my other videos, I recommend turning social interactions into a game. When you think about it as a game, it takes the pressure off, and, most importantly, it takes something that would normally be extremely scary and makes it harmless, fun, and exciting. The more time you spend interacting with people, the better you'll get at reading the tiny details that occur during these interactions, and with enough experience, you'll have another part of your charm game mastered.
Social control is something that a lot of people won't talk about, and it's incredibly important if you want the ability to charm anyone. This crucial piece of the charm puzzle involves social role-playing. If you have a high level of social control, you can feel comfortable in any social situation, and you'll have no trouble becoming a part of the group. When I say social role-playing, I mean the ability to walk in and take control of almost any social interaction. Imagine a group of your friends are sitting down at a table in the mall food court and have a conversation going. Social control is the ability to sit down and take control of the entire conversation. When combined with the other traits, social control is what makes people great readers.
Personal charisma is like a juggling act because you must balance all of these traits. For example, think about the guy who didn't get his burger in time at McDonald's. This guy is obviously not afraid to show his emotions, which is part of being charming, but he's unbalanced because he has no control over them. Who do you think is going to get better results: the guy who is screaming at the fast-food workers about how angry he is because they messed up his burger and he's going to be late for work, or the guy who is also angry but knows how to regulate his emotions and manages to charm the workers? The first guy will probably get a meeting with the police, and the second guy will walk away with a free burger and leave everybody he interacted with feeling pleasantly delighted. After all, that's what charm is: the ability to leave people feeling pleasantly delighted.
Now that you know the psychological traits of a charming person, it's time to learn how you can increase your personal charisma and master the ability to charm anyone. The first step to increasing your charms was working on sending, receiving, reading, and controlling emotions. The next time you're feeling strong emotions, reflect on how you communicated those emotions with the other person. A charismatic person is able to convey emotions in a calm, cool, and collected way. Put simply, you need to get better at communicating with others. Watch and interact with others to learn how to communicate their emotions. Other videos won't tell you this, but one of the best ways to become more charismatic is to motivate yourself to learn more about social interactions and how they work. By genuinely wanting to learn how social situations work and the psychology behind them, you'll get better at reading people, and once you get good at reading people during social interactions, you'll find it much easier to charm them.
To gain the ability to charm anyone, you must know how to behave in social situations. If you watch George Clooney and Brad Pitt closely in almost any movie, you get the sense that they always know exactly what they're doing. In fact, when it comes to social interactions, it's like they couldn't mess something up even if they tried. Knowing how to behave in social situations is called social control, and it will play a major role in your ability to charm anyone. Social control is being careful with everything you say and do in social interactions, and you should avoid getting argumentative, upset, or angry.
A common myth about charismatic people is that they're fake or insincere. The truth is that charisma actually allows you to connect with people in a more meaningful way; it makes conversations more rewarding for everyone involved. Another common myth is that charismatic people use their skill to manipulate others, and it's true that some people do this. In fact, I can think of a few people right off the top of my head that use their charisma to con people. One of these individuals actually convinced me to buy a stolen car when I was younger, but that's a story for another day. There is nothing fake about authentic charisma because the skill is not used to cause any sort of harm to other people. All social skills can be used for evil purposes, and it's up to you to choose how you want to use them. Sure, you can make like Bernie Madoff and steal over 64 billion dollars from people using your personal charisma, or you can use it to build and enhance your personal relationships with others.
To master the ability to charm anyone, there are a few other psychological tricks that you can start using immediately. First, consider using the pratfall effect. In social psychology, the pratfall effect causes others to view you more attractively after you make or admit to a mistake. Studies show that people connect better to people who make or admit their mistakes more than people who seem perfect all the time. So if you make a mistake, don't be afraid to admit it.
The final two pieces to the charisma puzzle are confidence and humbleness. A famous quote once said, "Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less." A lot of people think being humble is being weak, but it's quite the opposite. When given a choice, most people would rather be around someone who is humble than someone who is arrogant. In other words, don't talk about how cool you are all the time, and don't try to make yourself seem way more important than everyone else. At the same time, you must also be confident. You can think of confidence like the gorilla glue that holds everything together. Without confidence in yourself, you'll find it almost impossible to seem charming in social situations because your brain will be too busy doubting your abilities and overanalyzing everything you do. Low self-confidence and personal charisma never play well together. So if you're lacking in the confidence department, that's okay; just start improving it.
To charm anyone, you must also have a sense of humor. We all know that one guy who doesn't get any of the jokes, especially the ones directed at him. Charismatic people have a sense of humor, even if it's a weird one. A famous quote once said, "Charisma is not so much about getting people to like you as it is about getting people to like themselves when you're around." One of my favorite movies is Zorro, starring Antonio Banderas, and while on your journey to mastering the ability to charm anyone, I highly recommend watching this movie. Throughout the movie, it's almost like a master of charm teaching an ordinary man, or Zorro, how to become more charming. Also, be sure to check out the Ocean's Eleven movies and watch how George and Brad interact with those around them.
Let me just take a moment to say thank you so much for watching this video to the end and interacting with it, because you are the main reason why this channel is closing in on nearly 50,000 subscribers in just under seven months. Every video you watch, every like, every comment helps the channel reach more people, so in the end, we can help one more person become far from average. With that said, I can't thank you enough, and until next time, thanks for watching.