Transcription
Okay, Lucy, how have you been over the last week then?
I've been been good, been good. Yeah. What sort of good is that? Is that good good or ordinary good?
No, I think I've been pretty, had a lot on, but yeah, it's been good.
Okay, can I check out what good this is? I still need to know what the good is. Is it a good, "shut up, Bateman," now, or good, "I'm not going to talk about anything"? Or no, I've had some difficult, difficult things the last few days, but I think I've been dealing with them well.
Yeah, all right. Tell me what you've been dealing with.
Um, well, Monday was the, was the court. I went to court.
You went to court? Yeah. That's a surprise to me. I mean, was that a surprise? I didn't know it was going to happen until, well, they told me on Friday that...
Pen in, okay. But, um, on Friday for Monday, they told you? How did you manage that?
Um, I was, well, weekend, I was pretty nervous. And then Monday morning, I was called in. It was supposed to start at 11:00, so I got there, I got there early.
Well, I'm not surprised you were nervous. For a kickoff, I mean, that's pretty sudden, isn't it?
Yeah. And like, it's, I mean, it's been hanging over my head for ages, so yeah, I just wanted to be kind of, just wanted to be in the best, you know, state of mind for it.
Absolutely. Yeah. So were you able to keep in a reasonable state of mind over the weekend? And then you got there early, is that?
Yeah. Well, no, I would have been, I would have been fine. I got, I got there at 10:00, cuz it, we supposed to, we were supposed to be going in at 11:00. Yeah. So I'd already been waiting till 11:00.
And then, so you're already ready?
Yeah, exactly. Outside, sorted. And then got there and I didn't see anyone. I was in my own, my own little room outside. And then at 11:00, it came, um, and no one came to get me. And then I waited till 11:30.
So you were sitting out?
I was sit, no one told me anything. No one came to get me. And then, um, 11:30, I went and, um, tried to speak to this woman, but she was like, ignoring me and like, giving me horrible looks. And and I was like, she's probably in on it as well or something, I don't know.
And then, um, so by then you shifted, but you were still managing it well?
No, I was, I was getting quite pissed off. Yeah. By this point.
I can follow that. It's like, it's just really disrespectful, you know what I mean? I've, I've put all my time in and I've turned up on time and then, you know, this woman's being shitty to me. And and like, what have I done?
But in fact, you were making sure you're taking this really seriously. You really worked it out. You'd really managed to get there early. And then you suddenly, I didn't want to happen, you know, I got there really calm. And then it's almost like they, they knew. It's almost like they were trying to wind me up, you know, before I even got in there, just to make sure that I was really wound up.
Yeah, well, we can come back to that, cuz that's a bigger problem, isn't it? Cuz there you were trying to sort of keep yourself calm, manage yourself, and you worked the whole weekend. Yeah. With this surprise court case. Yeah. It's not a nice thing to have hanging over your head. And about the children, so it's pretty important.
Yeah, of course. It's the most important thing, obviously. Yeah. Absolutely. Okay. All right. Should we just go back then and say, just tell me a little bit about where this comes from that they suddenly produced this court case coming out? Cuz it's all been in the offing, but hasn't occurred.
Well, yeah, but they keep giving me dates that keep getting canceled because some other case gets over, overruns or something, which is obviously just, I mean, that's like the worst thing for everyone because you're all prepared and then the day before, you know, which is why I didn't even know if it was going to happen this time. And so, you know, I was like building up to it all weekend.
Yeah. Tell me a bit about the buildup. I mean, what was it like for you? I mean, what was building up here?
Well, it's the fact that you've got this massive day coming up that your whole future can hinge on. And you know that if you [ __ ] up, or if you're in the wrong state, or someone winds you up, you can completely mess it up, right? For for forever. Yeah.
Yeah. For a long time. And what was your sense of what is about you that might mess it up?
Well, because I'm not always, I don't always act how I want, how I plan to.
Mhm. You know that?
Yeah. Yeah. I do. But the sounds like you really prepared yourself to start taking it seriously. And then the difficult bit is that other people didn't seem to be taking it quite seriously.
Exactly. Which the whole point. No, don't get worked up about it. Okay. Yeah. Not getting worked up. I'm saying it's obvious that that's that's the whole point of why I put so much good work in. Yes. And then at the last minute, just to be like [ __ ] off like that.
Okay. All right. So what was it like when you were beginning to get [ __ ] off? Did you manage that as well before you went?
I tried to. Yeah. Yeah. Good for you. How did you do it?
I was just, I just kept, I just kept thinking about Alice. And I was just kept, you know, I was just like breathing really slowly. Mhm. And every time I got like, like those thoughts, like those intrusive thoughts, whenever they came in, I could just...
What do you mean by that? Sorry, I'm not sure what you mean by the intrusive thoughts.
Well, like when I'm trying to be calm and stay on, stay on the on the straight. And then sometimes thoughts come in that actually, the phys, I can feel them coming and I can feel them in my whole body. And I get really, really worked up. And I'm getting much better at at seeing them coming in. And then I can just, I can kind of, I can push them away if I, if I concentrate on the straight, on the on the straight thought. So I just kept thinking about about Alice and about the straight thought.
And, um, did you have a sense of what was bringing in those thoughts though? What, what, what was going on for you that brought them in? Did you have a sense of that?
Now, just being, being, being angry, right? Really angry. Yeah. About stuff that I haven't, I can't control. Yeah. You know, things that other people have done that I had nothing to do with.
So, which was the bit here that made you angry? Cuz the whole situation's a big problem, isn't it?
We just knowing that Jez was there. Sorry. Is that made you angry?
Yeah. Really angry. Right. Okay. Obviously, um, help me see the obvious nature in a sense, because he's taken her away from me. Right. Okay. And he, so I really had to, I was really, you know, okay. I was doing really well. Yeah. Okay.
Well, let's just leave it just there for the moment. And doing really well. So, doing really well was a sense you prepared yourself, you took it seriously, you actually really, really sorted that out and were really managing it. Yeah. Okay. Even managing the fact that Joe was going to be there and the whole thing was a, a big issue about the children. Yeah. Okay. Good for you.