Transcription
By decluttering my entire life, it completely changed how I approach everything, including how I spend my money. And since then, there is one thing that I no longer buy ever. I stopped buying things that I don't actually want. I know it sounds oddly simple, but this is one shift that has not only saved me money, but reduced clutter and, more importantly, changed how I see myself. If you've been decluttering or thinking about it, this may be the shift that changes things for you, too.
Oh, and before we get too deep into this, I am not saying be dumb with your money, but we'll get there. I realized that I had a lot of clutter related to buying things that I felt about, stuff that I didn't love, stuff that I settled for, stuff that I bought just to have something. The cluttering forced me to ask a really hard question: Why did I say yes to this in the first place? In answering that, I learned that buying things that I didn't want boiled down to fear and worthiness. That could be a fear of wanting too much. Many of us have learned to minimize our desires. We don't believe that we deserve better. Maybe we don't trust ourselves to wait. And so, settling feels safer than wanting, but it's also heavier and it makes you feel smaller. And decluttering really just woke me up to how often I was choosing, "Oh, it's fine," over, "This is actually a line to me."
To get out of that, I had to come back to and understand how it started. So, I grew up in a home where having a lot was normal. My parents grew up in this generation where families were big and money was tight, and being thrifty wasn't trendy. It was survival. So when they became adults, like a lot of families from that generation, they did what they couldn't do growing up. They bought options. They bought backups. They bought extras. And we always had multiple everything: food choices, lots of clothes, perfume, silverware, musical instruments, just stuff. Also, our house was big, which meant that there was a lot of room to tuck things away. And so, it never felt cluttered. It was always clean. So to me, that amount of stuff just felt normal. And it even felt responsible, more meant security.
Then there was a season after my parents passed where I was really broke. And this is important because that is where that pattern cemented. Having a lot to go around felt comforting and safe, and it felt like I was in control. So I learned to stretch money by buying more instead of better because it made me feel like, "All right, everything is going to be okay." I was in deep survival mode. And if you have ever been there, you know that your choices make sense, at least to you, in that season. I would buy a lot of questionable quality things instead of the higher quality. So, for example, instead of a couple of high-quality towels, I filled up my linen closet with a whole lot of less expensive, scratchy ones. And instead of a few makeup items that I really loved, I had drawers full of cheap ones so that I could at least have options. And instead of buying what I actually wanted, I bought what allowed me to say, "Well, at least I have enough." I'm pretty sure I was spending about the same amount of money, but more, even if it's not always the best quality, it's still more.
Oh, and when I did treat myself to the better quality thing, girl, we ain't using that. It would sit tucked away until some undetermined special occasion because you can't just like wear it out or use it all up. I mean, duh. There was also stockpiling. I loved a good sale. Sales were dangerous for me. When I needed clothes, I made a beeline to the clearance section and would come out with a whole new wardrobe. Maybe a few things that I really liked and a lot of things that were like, "Well, it's $5, so I can't pass it up." I didn't ask, "Do I need it?" It was on sale, so that was obs. Of course, I needed it. I asked, "How many of these should I get?" My fridge, always full. My pantry always stacked, not organized and purposefully full, just crammed full of stuff. And half of the time I couldn't even get through what I had before it expired. But again, having more than enough felt like proof that I was okay and that I was doing something right.
So, here I am several years later, long past that season of needing my money to stretch that far, doing well financially, and I start decluttering. And y'all, this is not that long ago. It was the end of 2022. I started it because it was just time. But I did not expect that it would force me to face all of that and get really uncomfortable because I still had a lot of those same buying patterns. I saw that I wasn't buying this way because I liked it. I was buying this way because I was afraid. Afraid of not having enough. Afraid of running out. Afraid of wanting too much. Afraid of being too indulgent and being dumb with my money. Afraid of loss. It felt safe, and that pattern was coexisting with my new life because somewhere in the back of my mind, admitting I wanted better meant that I had to be okay with potentially having less.
And I think this is a good place to pause and say that this is not about buying the most expensive thing or being dumb with your money. Do not buy that thing that you cannot afford and say that I told you to do it because I did not. It is about buying intentionally. Sometimes the thing that you truly want is the cheaper option, like allergy medicine. I have allergies bad, and I genuinely do not understand why I would pay double for the name brand Zyrtec over the Wal-Zyr version at Walgreens if it's available. But it's chosen, not defaulted. The problem isn't the cost. The problem is buying something that you already know that you don't want. And so, that shift for me has been no longer buying things just so that I can have something.
So now I don't just buy things because they're on sale. Do I still love a good sale? Of course. Actually, wait, do I? I honestly don't shop like that anymore. So I don't, I don't know whether I do or do not love a good sale is inconsequential. Does not matter. But the point is that sales do not make decisions for me anymore. A sale does not convince me to want something that I was not even thinking about until I saw it. I recognize that it is dumb to buy and buy in multiples if I'm not actually wanting it and have a really clear plan for how I'm going to use it. That has stopped a lot of clutter before it's even entered my home. And it's also saved me a lot of money. Something that my husband likes to say is that 70% off is still 30% on. So, we generally just don't spend money on things that we weren't planning to spend money on.
I also don't buy cheaper things that I don't want just to have more. I have learned that having more of what you don't love actually doesn't feel good or abundant. It feels noisy. I would much rather have one thing I genuinely enjoy than five things that I tolerate. And interestingly, for the vast majority of stuff, it hasn't made me spend more money. It's made me spend less because I'm not constantly like replacing things.
I don't plan my home around maybe company. This is one that I didn't talk about earlier, but it fits really well. I stopped buying stuff and planning my home and my day-to-day life for the two to three times a year that we have people over. This used to be so big for me because around the house, I would have a lot of stuff that I just wasn't using. It was just being saved for later, ready in the event that someone came over, which turned into money and space and time planning all of this that just went wasted. Through the process of letting go, I so clearly saw that my home is for my real life and it should serve me every single day.
Also, I don't buy convenience just to feel taken care of. Let me explain it because here is another way that this mindset used to show up for me that I think a lot of you will relate to. When I was coming out of that really rough season, I fell in love with Starbucks, like the commitment was strong. Me and Starbucks were very tight. It was one of the first ways that I let myself have something that felt frivolous, something that said, "I get to enjoy things again. I am in control of my money." So, I faithfully attended the sanctuary of Starbucks every day. Five, six, $7 a day without fail. Sometimes $10 a day, which felt small. It didn't feel like it was this big purchase. So, I convinced myself that it was a good use of my funds. Some days it was great. Some days it was fine. I mean, it was Starbucks, but I later realized that I wasn't just buying coffee. I was buying convenience. I was buying comfort. I was buying this feeling. And the idea of buying an espresso machine back then, it did not even enter my brain. Like $150 or $200 at the time, it's like, girl, let's not go crazy. I wasn't being careful with my money the way I thought I was. I was actually being avoidant. I was choosing convenience over intention. Um, I didn't trust myself yet to make that thoughtful investment. So, I kept making these little tiny ones that added up. And that was where that pattern started showing up again. Buying something that was fine over and over instead of choosing something that aligned with me once. It's not about the coffee, but about learning to trust myself enough to choose what actually served my life.
Now, if you are listening to this and thinking, "Yep, that's me. I am also guilty of buying things just to buy them." Here's how you can start to slow this down. Before you buy, I want you to ask yourself:
One, if this wasn't on sale, would I still want it? This question alone is going to tell you so much. Things that go on sale make urgency feel like desire. When something is discounted, the brain shifts from, "Do I want this and need this?" to "It would be dumb not to get this." Those are two completely different decisions. I was listening to this girl's video where she talked about how she and her mom like to go to this one store that they always had sales. She always thought that it was just this lucky happenstance that they got there and a sale was happening, and then she at some point realized that that was just that store's trick to bring you in and make you spend money. When you ask yourself if you would still want it off sale, you really come to a clear understanding of whether or not it is meaningful to you. If the answer is no, you can recognize that it was the sale, not the item, that made you feel like you wanted it. When you notice that and name it, you are no longer being controlled by the deal. Sales should support your intentions, not replace them.
The second question is, am I buying this because I like it or because I don't want to wait? This one gets at impatience and fear because we like instant gratification, and we find a lot of discomfort in waiting. Waiting can feel risky. What if I never find something better? What if this is as good as it gets? So, we settle. Not because we're satisfied, but because we're tired of waiting. I actually have a lot more thoughts on that, but we're going to come back to it. What changed for me was when I stopped seeing waiting as failure or as something that was a problem and started seeing it as a filter. Waiting gives you information. It tells you whether something is real desire or just reaction. If you can sit with that want for a little bit, you'll get clearer on it. There are a lot of times where I will put something in my basket, 'cause I still like to grab things. I mean, the desire is still there, but I'll put something in my basket, um, or in the dressing room, or wherever it is that I'm shopping, and I'll put it back and I'll walk away until the desire wanes or to see if that desire wanes. If I still want it after some time that I've determined, great. Cool. I'll get it. If not, even better.
Third, am I choosing this or am I defaulting to it? There is a big difference between choosing and defaulting. Defaulting is what we do when we feel overwhelmed or tired or unsure. We grab what's easy, what's familiar, what's available. And so, a lot of clutter comes from these default decisions. Choosing is actually a whole lot slower. It's intentional. It requires you to pause and actually check in with yourself. And here's the thing, there is no shame in sometimes defaulting. We all do it. But when it becomes a pattern, it over time lowers your standards. Choice and intentional decision is where you want to be because that is where alignment begins.
Fourth, what problem do I think this is solving? Most purchases aren't really about the item. Sometimes we are buying comfort or distraction or reassurance. Maybe it's boredom or loneliness. Maybe it is fear of not having enough. When you name that real need underneath a purchase, you can actually address it. And often, once the real need is seen, the urge to buy then disappears. This is about being very, very honest with yourself because awareness is what is going to break the cycle.
And then the fifth question is, would I be okay having less but liking it more? This question challenges scarcity. I know I am not the only one who grew up believing that more equals safer or better, but more isn't always better, especially when it's not chosen. So ask yourself, would I rather have fewer things that I genuinely enjoy or a lot of things that I tolerate? And try it out with something small. Like, I love Tide detergent, but when I was in the broke season, I was buying like the Arm & Hammer or whichever because I could get five, five more loads. I feel so much more luxurious with the Tide because getting it is a sign that I am making the choice to get exactly what I want, and it's really not that much more expensive. Yes, I have five less loads, but whatever. When you experience the peace of having less but better, it changes how you understand and define abundance.
If the answer to any of these questions isn't clear yet, that doesn't mean don't buy it forever. It just might mean to pause. Waiting is not deprivation. It's information. And learning to wait, especially if you're used to settling, is one of the fastest ways to get out of that lack mindset and start rebuilding trust with yourself. Every time you pause, you remind yourself that you are allowed to choose intentionally.
So, the deeper shift that happened, I didn't see until I started decluttering because you never really see a thing until you're actually ready to deal with it. But when I did and I made a conscious decision to stop buying things that I didn't really want, I also stopped reinforcing the belief that I needed to settle. And the thing is, every time you buy something that you already know that you don't want for whatever the deeper reason is, you are practicing a decision that trains your brain to say, "This is good enough for me." And over time, that doesn't just show up in your shopping habits, but it bleeds into every other aspect of your life: your standards, your tolerance for foolishness, your ability to be patient, um, for what is high value, your expectations for your own life. So when I stopped doing that in my spending, I started interrupting that pattern everywhere else.
I stopped treating abundance like something I had to prove. I don't need a full pantry to feel safe. I don't need overflowing closets to feel successful or backups for my backups. I realized that having less, but choosing it on purpose, felt so much more abundant than having a lot out of fear. And again, that applies to everything: friends, hobbies, how I spend my time, what I allow into my life. Even over the past few years, I have been able to with even more conviction be someone who is allowed to want what she wants.
Decluttering isn't about less stuff, but it's about... Decluttering isn't like just about... A lot of times we think decluttering is about having less stuff. And yes, that is part of it, but that's not really the fullness of it. It's about having really clear standards. Every time you buy something you don't really want, you're teaching yourself a story about what you deserve. And every time you make the decision to interrupt that, you rewrite that story. So, it's not about money. The question isn't, "Can I afford this?" It's, "Do I actually want this? Does this actually align with my life?" Asking that and filtering everything through that has really changed my space, my spending, and my relationship with myself.
So, that is all I have for you. I really hope this conversation has helped. If it did, let me know in the chat what stood out for you and share it with a friend who might need it as well. Also, if you're not subscribed, like, what are you doing? I'm going to need you to jump on that. All right, my friends. I love you so much and I will see you in my next. Bye for now. Hello.