Family Strong, Part 2 - Supersense: Creating a Christian Home

[Music] thank you. [Applause] [Music] I do want to welcome you to this Family Strong Series tonight. And we began this series last week at the tail end of our Family Month, the month of February. And the reason that we would take time to focus on families, and the reason that we would take four consecutive Wednesday evenings to discuss biblical principles pertaining to this subject, is because number one, the biblical model of the family is under vehement attack in our day, without question, perhaps like never before in Western culture and in the world generally. The family unit is under attack. And and also, we we understand that strong families make strong churches, and strong churches impact their communities and the world. So that's why we would take time to invest in the family.

So last week, the subject was "Superhero," and we were challenged to be the best you that you can be, to be the hero in your family, to work on you, to guard your heart, because when we make personal improvements, again, our families are improved, our communities are blessed, and our world is changed. And tonight, the subject is "Super Sense." Everyone say, "Super Sense." Now, we understand that superheroes come in different shapes and sizes. Superheroes joining me on the platform here tonight, and of course, they have different superpowers or super senses. They can run faster, they can see further, hear sharper. Some have an extra sense to detect oncoming danger. You've ever heard of Spider-Man, you know that. And we could all use a little extra wisdom and a little extra Godly sense to do this better. Amen. We want to be able to foster Godly families and values and and have Christian homes. Um, we want to have a little bit of an extra sense of how to do this better, right?

Now, so often we discuss Godly families, we default to what what we would call the nuclear family. There's nothing wrong with that. That certainly is God's uh picture, God's model for for human flourishing and prosperity in in the world. Man, woman, child is is how we uh how the human human existence goes on. However, as we saw last week, as we learned, the nuclear family only represents about one-third, 36 percent of the families in our great nation of Canada. And so there's all kinds of different contexts and backgrounds and stories. And so we didn't want to just be in one box today. And that's why we have a a smattering of different backgrounds on the platform for this panel tonight, and we're so glad that they're with us. Our goal was to represent not just one, but as many contexts, as many stories as possible. And so on the platform tonight, you know, we have singles and seniors, one-parent families, blended families. There's young marrieds, old marrieds, widows, widowers. There's all kinds of contexts. And all of these individuals on the platform are going to speak from their experiences in their context. And we really believe that as the Lord helps us and guides our discussion, that we're going to be ministered to and blessed tonight. We really believe that.

So one thing that I'll say, and then we'll jump in. Um, we understand that nobody is perfect. We did not, we do not gather these folks on the platform tonight because they're perfect. We all make mistakes. And given the opportunity, I'm sure everybody in the room would say, if I could go back, there's something that I would change about how I raise my kids or how I did this or that. So they're not here as, you know, people that have never done it wrong. But we are certainly, we certainly can say that that they have lived exemplary lives, and we feel that they have something to say that will bless us tonight. Um, we want to talk to these people not because they have all the answers and not because they've done it all right. This is just merely a cross-section. And so to break the ice tonight, um, we're going to ask a question to Pastor. He's familiar with being on this platform and speaking to this congregation. And so hopefully this will get things warmed up tonight. Uh, Pastor, I want to direct this question to you. Um, during Family Month, you and Kathy challenged us to prioritize the big rocks. And let's just kind of launch into this, and anybody else can chime in as you feel. But how can we best arrange our priorities as a family to reflect our Christian values? We'll start there tonight.

Pastor Matt mentioned it's this is to kind of give everyone a chance to get acclimated to being up here. We had originally said, let's put me last because I'm sure everyone has a lot more to say. You guys hear a lot from us already, including last week. But, um, to launch into the question and, uh, and and answer it, uh, in order for us to just prioritize, I would echo what we already talked about: time, talent, treasure. Those things that we prioritize in our life, put the big rocks in first. And we tagged some of these points when we talked about those priorities together, Kathy and I, a few weeks ago. But, um, you know, the other thing I did want to mention before you disqualify me because, you know, I'm a pastor here at Capitol Community Church and, and, you know, that the pastors only work for an hour on Sunday and then then they have the rest of the week to work on their homes and stuff. So, anyhow, so we should have it all together. We should be perfect. Um, no, let me, let me just, uh, if I could go back and say, there was probably a almost a decade where Kathy and I, we're both bi-vocational. We, you know, we were involved heavily with our local church in St. John, and we had five of those years, almost six of those years, we did have Kristen, and then Justin added along the way. And so we do, we do understand the dynamic of of being a bi-vocational couple, uh, involved in the marketplace and involved in the local church and raising children. So we, we remember. And, uh, and, and that's not to disqualify the look where we are now. Um, I think we all know that we're all busy. I, I talk to our seniors, and they say their day, their days have been crazy. And our seniors are busier now than some of us were when we started working. But, you know, so it is, it is, uh, an intentional focus to prioritize and to say, okay, when we begin to lead our homes as couples, that leads into our parenting, and that leads into the future that we that we follow through for the rest of our life. Of course, now we're one, uh, year into empty nesting, and what we thought would just be absolutely horrific hasn't been that bad. I'm going to be honest with you. It's, it's all right. It's, it's all right. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay to go and, uh, go to eat, not, not spend everything you got. But, um, but if I could go back to the origin, it won't take a long time. I would say that church attendance, making sure, and we're speaking to the Wednesday night crowd tonight, and if you just take a look around and give yourselves a hand, thank you for being with us in our midweek. And so with church attendance, but we've also unders, we also understand that church attendance has taken on a new tone through COVID. That a number of people, their attendance sometimes is online, or there are some folks that consider CCC to be part of their church, that that CC online is the the online service is the only service that they can attend. And so we welcome all of you. We're grateful to have you on board. But making sure that that is a priority, and that you set the time aside to dedicate it to, um, and that will, that will travel through your family. That will speak volumes that you can't speak to. And I may be taking too long. Financial priorities, that giving becomes a part of, uh, the conversation early in life, from tithing just for on allowances to when they get jobs, and then missions and giving and and those kind of things. Um, I, I, yeah, I would, I think what you're getting at is, you know, you have the Christian values, you've decided that as a couple, but in in ways that are applicable to instill those, if it's tithing on a dollar or, uh, you know, whatever, just trying to pass that down and instill it, not just here, but at home as well. There you go.

Um, I, I would like to turn to Darlene. And Darlene, Darlene Wilson is a is a wonderful member of our church, and she is on the platform today and a part of our panel because she raised three stellar boys. And she did so really in the context of being a single mom. And she did a bang-up job. If you know, uh, Jeremy, Jim, and Josh, they're great young men and peers and friends of mine. So Darlene, here's the question: How did you raise three boys to do his Pastor said, prioritize church, work a job, pay the bills, and not go crazy? Well, just to clarify, crazy was not out of the question a lot of days. But yeah, raising, uh, three boys as a single mom, uh, definitely some challenges along the way. I'm not saying I was ever a perfect mom. I don't want to hear any amens from those three. But, uh, yeah, just, um, prioritizing, I guess, is the big thing. And for you single moms that are still in that process or That season of raising children, prioritizing two of the basics would be your time and your finances. I know Pastor Jack just referred to that. So, uh, yeah, time, because you are the only one, and there's only 24 hours in the day. If you could clone yourself someday, it'd be great, but you can't. So you have to make valuable use of your time. And also your finances, because with finances, of course, on a single income, things can get tight at times. So instead of just spinning your wheels week in and week out, I come to the conclusion that I've got to find an area where I can prioritize and put priorities. So that when I got my priorities straight, then my boys will see that in me and hopefully carry that on through their life. So with time, yeah, maybe we couldn't do everything that the average kid growing up would have. But what was most important was definitely church and God. So even though maybe I didn't ever get to sign them up for a sports team, even though they played sports in the neighborhood with the kids all their life, but I made sure that I signed them up for youth conventions, for camp meetings. I made the time to take them and make sure they got there, and spent the money. And you might say, well, how did you ever do all that? Because some of us right now say, well, I can't afford this. We can't afford not to. As I tell people, you've only got one chance to raise your kids. You can't wait till they're 18 and say, I got to go back, I got to fix something. It's too late then. So yeah, basically getting the time and the finances, your priorities set, so that you can be a great help to them spiritually.

Um, you know, just, I'm gonna, this is maybe a little bit off the cuff, but were there other people that you found yourself leaning on, perhaps more heavily than you would have otherwise if there were two parents? Um, you know, a father figure, perhaps in the church that ended up being, there was there anybody like that? Some key relational people along the way? Definitely. Um, well, my parents would be number one. My dad was a pastor, and they were behind me 100 percent, always were. I could lean on them, I could call them for advice. Uh, pastors along the the way, when we moved out west to get into the church out there, Pastor and Sister Hayslip, great man of God, woman of God, I still love to this day, and he's passed on. But, uh, yeah, there's been mentors that my boys connected with as father figures as well, that just helped them through a lot of their teenage years.

Um, we won't necessarily do this all night. We'll probably bounce around a little bit. So please don't feel left out, everybody else on the panel. But this is one question that I'll start with you. Maybe if anybody else has any input that they want to chime in as, um, you know, your, your boys are all grown and they're adulting, as they say these days. Um, now, as they went from child to, you know, adolescent and teenager and now adult, um, you know, along the way, kids tend to want more freedoms. And as a parent, and in your context, a single parent, how did you set reasonable rules and parameters and guidelines on them that were also fair, but, you know, with their best interest at heart? Do you have any insight on how to again, reasonable rules or parameters on your kids as they as they want more freedoms along the way? I think two of the points I could make here is be the parent. And number two, be consistent. Um, no matter what age they're they're going through, you have to be consistent as well. Because, um, you can't make a rule today or say no, this, you've got to do this today, and you change it tomorrow. Nothing more confusing to a child or a teenager than to keep changing the rules. But on the other hand, you have to be the parent. And sometimes that's not easy. Sometimes you'd rather just not and let things slide. But you have to be consistent. Be the parent. We can't have the tail wagging the dog. Um, they need the restrictions, they need boundaries, they need guidelines. Especially with church related, there was just, I never took a note for an answer. If the church doors are open, we're going to be there, prayer meeting included. That's the most important service for any child or teenager anyway. So there was just no saying, well, you can do it this week, but not next week. No, we, we just kept it consistent. And yeah, put the parameters and the guidelines on them. It's like a wild horse. If you never fence them in, you're never going to be able to do anything with them. They'll run wild their whole life. So it's same with kids and teenagers. You've got to put the fences around them. You've got to put the guidelines. Not that you want to be mean and militant and harsh and cruel, that's not even in the equation anyway. But as the Bible says, to love them, to nurture them, bring them up in the admonition of the Lord. Train up a child in the way you should go. So I'm just simple enough to believe the Bible and simple enough to stand on the word of God. And, uh, yeah, we had, we had great times, lots of fun times. Another point is that you can't be a buddy or a friend to your kids. God's put the levels. You're the parent, then there's the child. Like say, not that, not to be mean or anything, but you have to be the parent. You don't allow them to make adult decisions ever. Um, when it comes to even enrolling them in a Christian school, that was my decision. It really wasn't theirs, but they didn't have the option either. So, you know, I was going to put the plug in for that, but why wouldn't I put them in a Christian school where they opened in prayer and have devotions every morning and have the Bible as their main textbook? So things like that, it's just, you sometimes you just have to go with your gut, feel them, go with the word of God, basically, and put the parameters there, keep consistent, and things work out great. I think I ended up being really the best mom in the world. Well, I mean, they didn't tell me any different, so I just assumed that. We think you did a wonderful job. That's very good. That's appropriate. Innovation for your advice. So that's wonderful. I heard a preacher say one time that, you know, our love for our kids, that is set, that's that's a 10, maybe an 11. But their freedoms are not set. Their freedoms are contingent on their response. And the book that, uh, Pastor Raymond referenced last week, there's three areas that that author identifies: dishonesty, disobedience, and disrespect. And if you don't measure up there, then your freedom goes down. You know, and if you prove yourself, if you're faithful on the least, we can give you more, more freedom. So anybody else, any parents on the platform, would like to share any guidelines that that we're successful in, or should we move on? Any, any, uh, hard-line parents on the platform that want to bear their soul? Well, you can move on.

Kelty, we're so glad that you're a part of the panel. And she is on the platform today. She's representing the singles that are a part of our church family. And there are a number of people in the congregation tonight and a part of our church, uh, family that are, they live single. And Kelty has done that in an extremely exemplary way, and we're so grateful for her involvement in our church. And so Kelty, a couple of questions that maybe, and things you can speak to that maybe will minister to somebody tonight. Um, you know, we've kind of already touched on significant relationships in the context of raising kids. But where, in your case, you know, there's not a spouse or kids, and oftentimes those become relationships that we bounce a lot of things off of in life along the way. Uh, what would you say have been some ways that you have, I guess, kind of had those key relationships in your life, and have you made that a priority? When I think of friendships and all that, I just think that close friendships are so important because, you know, said people need people, and we all need people that we can be transparent and vulnerable with. And as it's been pointed out, and it's so obvious, I'm single, I don't have a spouse, so I don't have someone that I can be vulnerable and transparent with in the spouse-like environment, right? So I can use friendships that I'm close with that I can lean on when I have a trial, because we all need friends that are going to be there for you for the good, the bad, and the ugly. And also with friendships, sometimes we need a friend that's going to be willing to correct us. I had a friend tell me one time, we all have blind spots. Everyone in this room, you have a blind spot, and but it's a blind spot we don't see, right? So if that friend can correct you and kind of teach you something that you need to learn, that's very important. Another thing I think is really important as well in my my life is as a single adult, sometimes I might go through something that I'm not going to just share with you or you or you, I'm going to just keep it to myself. But if someone asked me, are you okay? Then I'm going to share that with them. So I just think that's very important because at the end of the day, we all need people. And of course, the best relationship we ever have is with Him, but we don't see Him physically, right? So to have those relationships where we can talk, it's very important.

Um, also directed to you, Kelty. You know, I think that it's a true statement that, you know, nothing quite domesticates or changes, in India, maybe that's not the right word, but changes an individual like getting married. That's a huge step in somebody's life to where suddenly you, you have to consider someone else like you haven't had to before. And then when you have kids, it's like that, but on steroids, because they're extremely needy. We have, you know, uh, three kids and we have a three-month-old. And, you know, they come out of the womb just needing, needing, needing. So you have to be so selfless. So as a single adult, and just as a single individual, I think it can be easy for somebody who's single and they're just kind of going about life by themselves to just naturally default to be intrinsically inward in their focus. Not that there's anything wrong with focusing on yourself, but we feel like Kelty, you've done a wonderful job about turning your focus to others through your engagement in your church and just how you care for others. So would you have any comments on kind of all that I've just said there? I actually said my words to say I'm boastful or like that. But on a on a daily, almost a daily basis, I pray that my life will give Him glory and that my words and actions will be a source of encouragement to someone that day. And when I do that, I actually look for opportunities to speak to someone's life. And I will say, be careful what you pray for, because I'm sitting on this platform tonight encouraging people. So, but in all seriousness, you can literally be a friend to people and help people in so many ways. You can send a text message. It takes two seconds to send a text message. And you can give a note to somebody. I actually had a few people just recently, a couple ladies in our church, give me a note, and I wasn't expecting it, and it was so encouraging. And I actually have a really cool story because, you know, we can actually, um, meet somebody for coffee or dinner. And I actually had a friend one time who contacted me. They're in this room tonight, and they actually told me, they're like, Kelty, I've come in contact with someone, and they're new to the area. They put a message on Facebook on one of the social media Fredericton websites, and they said they were looking for a friend. And they said to me, they said, I think, I think you can be a friend to that person. Here's their information. Contact them on social media. So I reached out to that person, and it was during COVID, so I think we probably maybe broke a rule or two because we met in Tim Hortons, and it was like when they had the weird bubble rules, and I don't think we're really supposed to meet. But anyway, we met, and we actually became friends. And actually, fast forward three years later, that family attends our church almost every Sunday morning. And it was just because of a small connection that a friend kind of directed my way, and it turned into a friendship. So it's pretty amazing.

It's wonderful. And that's all right. Go ahead. We'll just hope that the, uh, the authorities are not watching tonight, Kelty. We don't want you drug out of the sanctuary. We'll turn back to this side of, of the panel, and we're so honored to have Ruby Thompson on the panel. And her and her husband, Fred, are pillars in our church, and we're so grateful that you've agreed to be on the panel, Sister Thompson. And they raised fine children. We are familiar, many of us, with her son Brad, who's a missionary in Guatemala, great connection to this church. So Sister Thompson, you kind of represent the senior segment, if that's okay. I don't want to be offensive here tonight, but, but you're here representing, uh, the precious seniors and elders that we have in our church. We wouldn't be here without folks like you that paved the way and and sacrificed much. And certainly, you and Brother Thompson, uh, that is your story for sure. But my question that I would like to start with you, let me state the obvious and say that life changes as we age. And the question is, what are some of the feelings that come with navigating the changes of life? And in your case, I know you've had some health challenges with your husband that you've had to navigate as well. Talk to us about the slowing pace of life, not being able to do everything you used to do. What are some of those feelings? And what would you comment on that? Pardon me, telling me has to help me each day, and it has been quite a challenge since Fred has had a lot of health issues. And before he got sick, of course, he was the boss. [Laughter] And he always looked after everything. And when he got so he couldn't do it, everything fell on me. And it was very scary. And I just had to, just had to do it. That's all there is to it. I just say, Lord, you just have to help me. And He has helped me all along the way. And it hasn't, hasn't been easy. But I have some good friends that helped me out by times. And if I need, if I need them, I can always just call. I have a couple of brothers that live handy, and they can be there. And Fred has a brother that lives handy, and I really count on him. And he'll, he comes when I have to go out and stuff. So it makes it really good. And it was just so hard when he landed in the hospital. I did have to get my son to come home from Guatemala when he landed in the hospital because there was just things I just couldn't handle. And of course, I was just to the end of my rope about then. And he had to come home and help me. And of course, Brenda's been home a couple of times too, to give me a hand. And it's just, uh, it's, it's hard. But every day I just talk to the Lord and tell Him He has to be there for me, help me. Yeah, not just when I get up in the morning, I just say, Lord, this is a new day. I need Your strength today. So that's, uh, that's wonderful.

You know, I think sometimes I'm not in the season of life that you're in, of course. But, uh, perhaps as the strength of body wanes, maybe some feel like they can't contribute what they used to. But I don't know if you'd have anything to say to an elder, to a senior, that, you know, there are still things in your season of life that you bring to the table to the Church of the Living God. And I, I think perhaps most notably is the prayers of some elders that maybe, maybe they can't run around the church like they used to, perhaps. But, uh, would you say anything to that, Sister Thompson? Just have to, we just have to keep going, no matter what. Um, or like our bodies do get weaker each day, each day when we're older. We just have to, um, pray for the Lord to give us the strength for the day. And we just have to go on and worship Him anyway and be just thankful we can get around each day. That's wonderful. We're so grateful that you're on the panel tonight. And, uh, and, uh, to every of our elders, we, we covet, we appreciate your prayers. And, and you're not yesterday's news, you are today, and we need you, and we're so grateful that you're helping us push the church forward. I would like to, um, maybe ask you one question. And then we're going to, Greg, we're going to come to you next. Um, you and, you and Fred remained solid through difficult times. And as I mentioned, you raised, uh, three children, Bonnie, Brenda, and Brad. And of course, you can fill in the specifics if you want to, but the tragic passing of your daughter Bonnie. I remember when, when your son Brad was here, we talked about it in a podcast. And, you know, among other things, he said, you, you folks stayed so solid and encouraged him to stay the course and go to Guatemala and pursue his calling. And it was almost offensive to you and your husband that he would want to stay home and help. Like, no, you need to, you need to go and do what God's calling you to do. Uh, to somebody that maybe has or will have to walk through tragedy, I wonder if you can speak to that season of your life. Yes, yes, very hard. That was about the hardest thing, I think, I, we ever went through, to lose part of your kids. It's just part of you gone. But, and I could have just crawled in a hole and stayed there at the time. But after a, a bit, I, I didn't really want to be around where people were too much and stuff after that happened for a bit. But one day when I was praying, I just, it just hit me, and I said, you know, you just got to keep going because you've got two other children, you've got the rest of the family. You just gotta get a hold of yourself and keep going. So I just done a turnaround. And from then on, I just said, well, just have to keep going anyway. And, and when Brad left to go to Guatemala, it was, it was really just shortly after that. And I thought, oh man, he'll go over there and get killed, probably. And then the Lord just seemed to speak to me and said, well, it wouldn't make any difference where he is because Bonnie got killed right almost in her yard. So you just have to pray and put him in God's hands. So that's what we've done. All you can do. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I, uh, I'm grateful that you would share that sentiment with us tonight, and I know that was a difficult season. Um, we're going to move on. And, uh, at any point, I do want to say to all of our panelists, if there's any time that you feel anything to say, please take your liberty. Um, we want the Lord to lead us tonight. Greg, um, we're grateful that you're on the panel tonight. And, uh, you're a, you're a stellar bassist. We all know that about you. And, uh, been a part of our church for many, many years, and we're glad about that. Um, just coming up on three years ago, you told me before service tonight, it was almost three years ago that Krista passed. And that was, of course, difficult for you, most of all, for your family, most of all, but for our church family as well. But I wonder if you would, um, speak to that season and how you navigated the season of sickness and, of course, the eventual loss of Krista. You know, minister to somebody tonight from from your experiences, Greg. Well, I'd say, uh, grieving is real. And those of us who have lost a spouse, it's like you're, flesh of your flesh, it's vital. You lose half your soul, and it's devastating. I think I cried every day for probably about 28 months. It, it does get better. But, um, I have a lot of people to thank. I don't know what I would have done without the Lord, without the church body. And I don't know what I'd do without my pastor because he was pastor to me long before it was official, him and Kathy, both. When we got the diagnosis for cancer, your world changes. You're devastated. And, uh, Krista, I asked her what she wanted to do. And we were always in the church. We brought our kids up at the church. When her kids got small, we put, we did, we thought Sunday school, and we had to teach Sunday school. We brought them up, and we did everything that we could for our family. She was a great mom, great cook, she was smart, she was beautiful, and I miss her every day. Um, but it does get better. Um, I guess we did, we dug in. We came to church. We went through every prayer line we could, every prayer meeting. We were there when the doors were up, and we were there. Jack and Kathy helped us a lot. The bishop helped us a lot. And Beverly and, and the whole staff. Um, I will never forget it. Um, but it was not just a loss for my family, it was a loss for our church. It was a loss for our, our music team. We felt it. And, uh, and I appreciate everybody who fasted and prayed. And I got so many memories of people out in, it was during COVID, it was bad, and people, Charlene the merchant was out in my yard in her car praying for Krista. And Chris Murray, embargo. And, well, we had numerous people help us out at the hall, at the home. And I had to learn how to do everything. But I would do it all over again, because I love my wife. And, uh, we got six and a half years to be together after the diagnosis. I think the, the norm is about four years with ovarian cancer. But where she was so young, she took more chemo than the doctors told us. They pumped, they pumped her full of chemo drugs to try to kill it. And we were in remission for about a year. And, uh, we did a blood test, and when it was back, we knew. Well, it was either, it was the end, or God was going to heal her. Through the whole thing, I, I guess, most of the scriptures and the head on my fridge and everything was about faith, the prayer of faith. We never stopped praying. We were told to pray, and we went to prayer, and I never stopped praying. I think, I think Krista realized it before I realized it. I didn't want to give up right to the very end. But the day I had to take her to hospice was probably the worst day of my life. It was a Friday. We went in for chemotherapy, and we got home, and I called Elliot and I said, your mom's not making any sense. And it was, it was time. And that drive down to hospice and stuff, she passed away on Sunday. And, uh, yeah, grieving is real. And everybody's got a different story about cancer. Um, but it affects the whole family, even, even the work families that she had. Uh, yeah, it's tough. It's still tough.

Matt, so as you've navigated the diagnosis and then since her passing, as things perhaps have started to maybe turn the stages of grief and the grieving process, it is real. But what has helped you? You've kind of commented on what has helped you throughout the process. What helps you today to be strong today on the other side of what you've walked through? I've got people that love me. I love my family. They helped me. My grandkids. I see my grandkids. My boys are incredible boys. And I still stay active in the church, the things of God. And I, I pray for my kids, pray for my grandkids. And I, I, I, I hope to see them back in church someday. But I'm sure it was tough on them watching their mom. Yeah. Yes, it's gotta, gotta be tough. Um, I think the thread that really speaks to me is, and I saw it, I think many saw it, the way you guys served and plugged in in the process, and the way you still do today. And you said backstage, since her passing, it was, "No, don't take me off the schedule. I'm playing the bass in every service for for many months." We just, we just recently started sliding a few others in there to give spell you off. But, uh, but we're, and we're grateful for that. But, but as you've given, as you've poured out and served, I, I think that that is a thread in all your comments tonight. We love you, and we love your family, and we certainly loved Krista. What a life. And, uh, thank you for sharing that tonight, Greg. I know that that's not, not easy. I saw a few tears being wiped tonight in the congregation.

We're going to, we're going to kind of move toward a conclusion here tonight. Haven't, hasn't our panelist, haven't they done great so far tonight? So grateful for their comments. Trina, last but certainly not least, and we're not completely done. Anybody can share at any point as we're kind of asking these couple of questions. We've heard from various contexts tonight. You come from a blended family context, and you and Jeff, and of course, Chris and Caitlin, wonderful family. But you bring something unique to the table and a unique perspective tonight. So I want to just open the the subject of being in a blended family. Tell us about that, and what have been the trials and triumphs of that context? What are things that you did successfully to assume the role of mother to your children? Well, I jotted quite a few down because there's a lot of triumphs. You know, our world would see that blended families, you know, the onus is against them, maybe. But it can turn out very beautiful. And our situation is maybe rather unique. Jeff was a single dad for three years on his own. So I blended into those three, 25 years ago. That wasn't that common. There wasn't very many single dads that I knew, anyhow. So kudos to him for doing that for three years. As with single momming for a lot of years. But through a ton of prayer and a ton of consultation with my parents, of course, and, uh, dating over the course of a year, and thinking really hard on how this would affect those three if we did get together. I was just blending me. I wasn't blending any other children. So our situation was fairly unique in that way. And I wrote down a few things just so I wouldn't lose them. Our situation was unique. We didn't share custody with anybody else. So I didn't have to, you know, be Mom Monday to Friday. I was Mom seven days a week. And, uh, with that, on day 10 of our marriage, nine days of honeymoon, I was an instant wife, an instant mom, a lunch maker, and a school bus driver, all on day 10. So, uh, of course, I, you know, I jumped into it with gusto and realized about a month later, like, oh my. It's a lot of work. Anyhow, society's general view of the step-parent is that, you know, the parent, step-parent cannot love like the real parent. And I will disagree, disagree, disagree. I love those kids with all of my heart. I think, you know, everything that Jeff and I invested and put into their lives, they've become decent, well-rounded adults. I think, uh, it's untrue. That narrative might be a little bit hard to break, but it's very untrue. Being eager to please. Some of the, the trials you had mentioned, some of the trials of blending in and being a blended parent, if where I was the blending in, you know, you put that expectation of yourself to be perfect. You know, people are watching me, I have to be perfect. Don't do anything wrong. Kids don't come with a manual. My husband doesn't come with a manual. We kind of just, uh, dive in and and learn as you go. And we had really good Godly counsel. My parents were fantastic. Of course, I was raised in the church. Jeff was not. But my parents were great counsel, and our pastor at the time was was great counsel as well. So, uh, the feeling of perfection can be a trial that you have to overcome for yourself. But for your unit as well, kind of us for and hunker down, and it is what it is. Nobody lives with you, you live with yourself. They know what happens behind closed doors. Nobody else necessarily does or needs to. Um, my husband early on had established that we would not use the word "step" in our home, step-parent kind of thing. And I had a neat little story when Jeff and I got engaged. It was a Saturday night. So we were showing the kids the ring on Sunday afternoon. And Chris looks up at me with the little glasses and he says, Daddy, can I call her Mommy now? And Jeff's like, well, it's okay if it's okay with her. And both of them from that moment just never looked back. I was Mommy. And, uh, it could have been a lot different, but it hasn't been, and thank God for that. Um, the kids have always addressed me as Mom. So the, the blending worked. I guess another cat that can be a trial is establishing to pick your own picker battles. Because nuclear family, as you mentioned, can have just as many. You know, pick your battles. The kids were quite young, so they were four and five. So you didn't have that baby-ness. You had kids that understood and would test Mom, test Dad, kind of thing. So, pick your battles. There's a trial in every family. So mealtime was one of them. My husband had to establish early, Mom's not a restaurant, or do we have a one meal, one everybody's eating the same thing? Just a tidbit for those. We can, I can use all the help that I can. If you have any other information on that, talk to me after service, please. How long do you have? Everybody wants something different. Sorry, carry on.

Another trial that, uh, is very real is unsolicited advice from well-meaning or not well-meaning people. [Laughter] That have no experience in this type of role, but may feel that they can give helpful advice. And sometimes it doesn't always come off as helpful. So maybe leaving that to people that have Godly advice or worldly experience or something like that would be a good thing. Anywhere from discipline to trying to make you feel the void of a missing parent, for instance, like, you should let their dad make that decision. Those kind of remarks are just not, not helpful with the blended family. So, and with children, we did not, were not able to add children to the family. So those kind of conversations, not helpful, probably just left better left alone. In establishing a blended family, extended family and friends can be a wonderful support, and you need to be able to rely on on extended fans, friends, and family. We were very, very blessed with, uh, a lot of support from our families. We lived in our, we live an hour from our family. So it wasn't, you just dropped the kids off and go do something somewhere. But when we did have the weekends, we could just go down and drop them off and be a couple because instant wife, instant mom, we didn't really get that time. We certainly have it now. But in those years, it really matters. The triumphs, it sounds like a lot of trials, but there's a lot of triumphs. The goal is to make well-rounded Christian kids. We brought them to church, we're involved in church, they were very involved in church. And, uh, lots of triumphs. I, I had to jot a few, just because you can look back over 25 years and feel like an extreme failure in some areas. And I had to sit back when you asked me, I had to sit back and go, you know what? I can't let it sound like there's so many trials because there are so many, so many triumphs. I think of all the times where, you know, uh, made sure that I tried to imitate my mom. My mom was a stay-at-home mom because my dad and her had their own farming business, so she was home every day. And at the end of the school day, I always had, there was something fresh baked in the cupboard. So I felt I had to do that. I couldn't kill myself doing it, but I baked each night so that they would have fresh chocolate chip cookies or something in the little corner cabinet. And, you know what? I think they really loved it. You know, that was a triumph. Like you're trying to imitate what was good in in their life. So I was able to bring a completely new routine to the family. So I mean, Jeff was the cook in the washer, and, you know, everything. So I immediately tried to take over all of that role. So I had said to him, you'll never have to cook again. Well, boys, has he ever helped me do it? He's definitely the cleaner though. He loves to the clean house. So I will do all the cooking if he does all the cleaning. So we're a good team. The new routine. I was brought up in church, so we established family altar on the weekends. So the first few months of our marriage, we tried to go home to Mom and Dad's and Jeff's moms every weekend, but be back for church on Sunday night. When we didn't travel on Saturday night, we tried to do family altar just like they did when I was a kid. And Jeff played guitar, my dad played guitar. So we tried to do that, the family altar at home. And then when the kids started to read, we tried to read every four verses so they would let, they would read and then we would read and kind of took turns. And got a family pet for them to love on right after we got married. Took trips and camp, bought our first home. The kids had their own room, so I decorated them exactly how they wanted them decorated. Established many things as a traditional family would do. So it became.

Normal, we did not even see ourselves as a blended family, um, which I think might be weird to a lot of people, but I, I don't even see it that way, really. Um, one thing I'm quite proud of is the model that we used in the kids' finances. So, we taught them tithing, and we, Jeff and I had adopted quite early on in our marriage that we didn't want debt. So, we had a model that we used to not go into debt. So, as soon as they got jobs, they put money away and and paid their college off and got a lot of things they wanted and did the same model, debt-free. So, it's one of the things that, you know, pay your tithes. You, Nick, can, can't give, oh God, I give God. Um, the question, things you did successfully to assume the role of Mom. I think a lot of those were covered there, but, um, yeah, I think you, uh, you know, you've given us a lot, um, there. I think one, one thing that you just said is, you know, yes, you're a blended family, but you're a family, and that's really the point of tonight, is that families, though they may be technically slightly different, it's just, it's still family. And and really, you're not all that different. We, we're all the same in many ways, more ways than we're different. Um, I don't, I don't want to cut off anything that you have written there, Trina. Um, I would like to shift a little bit, um, and just maybe pose this question to, to you and to some others at on the panel, and this is where we'll end tonight. I'm gonna turn to Pastor and, and, um, I think it'd be appropriate to pray for family, and, and we'll, we'll end with prayer. In any comments that he has, I saw I'm jotting a few things down. Um, you know, last week, uh, Pastor Raymond talked about the different stages of of children. They, they, the exact words elude me, but, um, you know, you have the discipline years, the training years, the coaching years, and then the friendship years when they become adults. Of course, when when kids become adults, you know, it is important to not be that, to try not to be that, or to not be the overbearing, you know, still trying to parent when they're adults. And sometimes our kids, like, I'm, I'm an adult, and a lot of, I see a lot eye to eye with my parents, but not everything. We form our own values. And so the question is, when children form values that may be contradict what our values are, how do we still stay close to them and still be a parent and a friend in that season and not push them away? I'll get you to answer that, and, and if anybody else wants to, you certainly can chime in. And I'll turn into Pastor.

Um, I guess we had initial conversations, and then we left it at that. They were raised in our home, they know what we think, don't know how we feel. Um, and it's our job to love. It's our job to be there. It's our job to be a safe place. It's our place to be there whenever. It's not our job to to tell them. It's, it's our job just to love. And my wife, Trish, often says that I would rather have a relationship where when somebody spills the milk or makes a mess, they're not afraid to come and tell you. Want to have that kind of a safe place where they can come and they know where to come when they go and get stuff. Our job is to love. That's very well said. One more time, can you thank our panelists for being a part of the discussion tonight? Katrina mentioned, but I, the, the vision of the prodigal son's father was just right there, and loves. I think the one comment that she, she made to us when we were just kind of talking through this, she said, um, you know, our responsibility is to love, and that I can do. I think that was your word, that I can do. That we can do. We can all love. Um, so thank you, Pastor Matt, for driving very well tonight and keeping us all in the lanes. Um, and thank you, everybody, for volunteering, not just your information, but there is so much emotional economy that we've all put on the table tonight, and we've unpacked some some deep subjects. And the goal of tonight, believe it or not, we've, we're just, we're 10 minutes after eight, but we're really only halfway there. I'm not saying we're going for another hour and 10 minutes, but, um, the information is only so we can make application. So all the information that we've unpacked, and everything that we've talked about in the, the intimate conversation, you know, we've just dug deep into the heart, is its purpose is to create a level of awareness in our church family for what actually is. I'm going to stand up because my legs killing me because Pastor Matt said we have some old parents and some young parents on the platform. I think I'm in the old category. Um, but the awareness, the intention of the awareness is so that we can lean in and we can become a part of the solution to all of these challenging seasons that everybody faces, and that we don't just become observers of what's happening in families around us, but we can engage and we can interact. And we can, like, how awesome would it be because we're aware of some of the challenges, um, Sister Ruby and Brother Fred, don't they don't just sit home all day long waiting for something to happen. She said when we picked them up just to get her here tonight, we had to, at first, we were like, okay, we have to arrange for someone to be there with Fred. We've got to arrange transportation because driving at night is a challenge. And let's get in. And finally, Fred said, well, if you're going to church, I'm going with you. And, and it just makes sense that we would make that accommodation. But how awesome would it be if we were able to lean in in other areas, and we have people that say, you know what, I've got some extra time, and I've got my health, and I've got, I've got the opportunity, and, and I'm going to make myself available, and I'm just going to let some folks know that if I can lean in here and I can help, and I'm going to help. And whether that's acknowledging, like Kelty said, being able to to talk to people that that know what season she's in, and I'm sure there are seasons where sometimes we can say, are you doing okay? And that she's allowed to answer. Even us married couples, um, but then we can, we can work together. Um, Greg, it was one of our greatest privileges to walk with you through that journey. And Trina, we've, we've had conversations, we all have, and we've, we've, uh, you know, you and Jeff, like, have been involved. And I'm talking to people that have been, you, you all have invested in this community, Capital Community Church, heavily. And so we have you here on the platform as representatives because you've been a part of our lives, but we don't want to disregard the opportunity to be a part of your lives. And you just represent different segments of our church. So tonight, I, I, you know, I think when we were sitting around the boardroom table talking through a lot of this yesterday, the one comment, and this is my closing comment. Music, you can come back if we're having music. Caitlyn, Caleb's coming. Thank you, Caleb. Um, is that super sense? That's the night title tonight. Super sense. Super sense is common sense with a cape. It's common sense. We all have that ability to reach in and be, you know, activate the common sense and say, we're aware of what's happening in in families, and just being able to say, is there anything that we can do to help? Is there something that I can do for you today? Do you have anything else to add to that? I think everybody said that there were others that they needed along the journey, and I think we all can be one of those others to somebody walking along a difficult season or a difficult part of the journey. So I want to be that, and, and I concur 100 percent. Okay. Why don't we stand together? Sister Ruby, be careful, your right foot is near that stair. Sister Kelty, be careful because your left foot. You can, you can remain seated if you'd like, but, but if you would, maybe, why don't we join hands together? I think ladies, if you want to join hands, but if you're with your family, I wonder if you would join together with your family. And, and, uh, Greg and Matt, um, we did see people wiping tears away tonight, and we know you all love one another very deeply. And, and we know people on this platform just represent so many others. But I wonder if God would say, you know, as we bear one another's burdens, we fulfill the law of Christ. We want to be a church that walks in the will of God, but we want to fulfill the law of God. And then that love for one another isn't just in conversation, it's in action. And, uh, I'm, my prayer tonight is that God would help us fulfill the law of Christ, and that we would love one another, and that it works into our activities and our actions, and, and that we're allowed to be vulnerable and say, we need help right now. I could use some help right now. I could, I could use a voice. I could use an arm. I could use a prayer. I could use a, I could just use some encouragement. I could use a coffee. I could use 25 minutes to go grab a coffee if someone would lean in and, and I think that we all can do that. Someone say, I can do that. Let's pray together. Father, I thank you for what a tremendous body, God, that functions together, and that sense that we, the reality of us understanding the need that we have for one another. But God, that is all under the umbrella of your spirit and your word and your work in our lives. God, I thank you for the opportunity to gather together tonight, and God, we've just had the, the vantage point into so many different families and journeys that different people are walking through. God, you've opened some of our eyes and you've given us a clearer vision. But God, I pray that we would activate some of that empathy and that action in our lives, and that we would move and act to help and to love and to reach. And God, I thank you that that is for all these people, but like Kelty mentioned tonight, God, there's some and many beyond these walls that need our love in those areas. So God, I pray that as we look inward and we see the need within, I ask that you would always also allow us to see the need without. And God, that you would allow us to see the lives and the families of individuals that that you're putting in our path so we can be engaged in bringing about help and hope in the midst of difficult and dark seasons. I, I ask today, God, that you would let us leave with purpose and intention. Let us leave with divine design attached to our lives, and that we would fulfill that law that you've placed for us to love. You got to love everybody. I pray all these things in your name, and the church said, in Jesus name.