Transcription
If you are married and she is still pursuing you, Christian women do not pursue married men. [Applause]
My wife and I had a whole situation many years ago with this woman who was really trying to convince us that God told her that this married man is her husband. He going to get a divorce. She was serious. He's about to get a divorce. God told me that's my husband.
I said, "Okay, just just just just just hear me, okay? Cuz I don't I don't know your your your experience." So, God who hates divorce, whose word says it's better for you to not make a vow than to make a vow to me and break it." He's going to send you to help this man break his word to him. Make it make sense. He's going to send you. I don't care that you call yourself separated. God still sees you as married.
For all these people, we separated. We haven't. You are still married. You stood before a congregation, before a judge, before a pastor, and said, "For better or for worse." Oh, but time reveals. You mean for better or for better. You say in sickness or in health, but you really mean in health and in health.
And so now that it got hard, now that it got difficult, you're saying, "God told me that this is my husband, but he's married. So God's going to violate his word and tell you something different. I know you heard something, but it wasn't God, sis. It was you forging God's name. That wasn't God.
Same with men. She's either a sister, a mother, an unbeliever, or a wife. Period. Period. No other category. She's your sister. And watch this. Brothers don't sleep with their sisters. That's called incest. [Applause] She's your sister. She's a mother. She's an unbeliever. Or she's a wife.
Catch this. She's a wife. Even if she's not married to you yet. Okay? Because we are the bride of Christ. She's a wife. She's just not your wife yet. Maybe this is why the text tells us, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing." She was a wife. She wasn't just a girlfriend. She was your sister. You pursuing her and marrying her made her go from your sister to your wife. And when you died, when we go to heaven, she goes back to being your sister.
Does this make sense? She's a wife before you ever even pursued, bro. And so once you say, "I do," then you get the favor factor because she was getting favor from the one that she's married to before she was ever married to you. So technically, a lot of my oil is due to Tanisha. A lot of my favor is due to Tanisha. A lot of my opportunities is due to Tanisha. Because a good wife, you will obtain favor because you're married to her. That's Bible.
I don't care what culture, I don't care what podcast teach you. Many times I find myself being a spiritual janitor. That's not the Bible. Even though it went viral, that does not mean it's sound doctrine.
She's a sister. She's a mother, an unbeliever, or a wife. Many times, brothers say, "Yeah, I hear that. I love women, but I'm going just be honest with you, Jay. I ain't ready for no wife right now. I ain't ready for no wife." I'm like, "Cool, man of God. Just don't be clapping cheeks. Make it biblical. Just don't engage in sexual immorality with her. You don't want a wife right now? Bet. Just don't construct insecurities in her because you want wife benefits with no covenant. You want that type of benefit. Oh, wives give you that.
Wives give you that. So, how about use this process to detox from Egypt. Use this process to have self-control. Because even once you say I do, women aren't gone then. They still exist. And many times this is a magnet to many of them. So do you have self-control? Spend time with God and you might struggle and you might fall. But even if you do, the text tells us in Proverbs that Proverbs chapter uh Proverbs that a wise man, a righteous man may even fall seven times, but he will get back up again.
So I'm not saying that you have to be perfect. You may fall. It's the wicked who stay there. It's the wicked who stay there. I need to be taught this. And ladies, y'all were amening really hard. But you, too. There are certain things that's a husband benefit. Paying your bills, that's a husband benefit. Taking you out and whining and dining you and we not celebrating nothing. It's not your birthday. It's not our anniversary. You didn't pass the bar exam. You didn't get a promotion. Whining and dining you and lavishing all this stuff on you all the time. That's a husband benefit. Traveling, taking you around the world where you can see the whole country, taking you on cruises. Husbands do that. Yeah.
I'm simply suggesting just like women aren't nurses for bleeding men. Hallelujah. Men are not poverty eradication or shopping sprees for lazy women. I know. I know. We're not going to like it. I know. This must be taught cuz there are many ministries. You have to be careful especially in 2025. There are many ministries who are monetizing your biblical illiteracy, monetizing trauma, monetizing your idolatry, selling you titles but not equipping you for functions.
Minister is a title. Washing feet is our function. Pastor. That's a title. Being a shepherd, edifying the flock of God, washing them, loving on them, restoring them, correcting them, encouraging them, pushing for them to grow. That's our function. Husband, that's just the title. Being a leader and loving like Christ, that's the function. Wife, that's just the title. Being a help me though, that's the function. And maybe this is why many relationships and marriages are on life support because we have a lot of damsels who are rescued versus single men and women who are prepared for functions.
I have been prepared for what a man is. I had been prepared for what a husband is. I have been prepared for what a wife is. I'm prepared for it. So, as I'm thinking about this, I'm like, man, I got some questions. Can I ask y'all some questions? Y'all don't really sound too confident. It's okay.
So, my first question is, have you been praying over your mouth? Have you been praying on your mouth and over your mouth so that it can be controlled and filled with words of wisdom and edification as you have been praying for a husband? Amen. Amen. As you have been praying for God to do this, have you been praying, "God, temper my tongue so that I can fulfill Ephesians 4:29. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth, but only such as is good for building up as fits the occasion, that it may give grace." There it is. Everybody say grace. That it may give grace to those who hear.
One of the things my wife used to say and I didn't like it the first few years of our marriage is when we would have a disagreement, she would say, "Well, that wasn't conducive to this conversation." I used to hate that because I knew she was right. When you're having a conversation, are you speaking words that are building each other up? That's okay. Matter of fact, the way you talk, do you produce skyscrapers or junkyards? It's so good. The way you communicate when you're angry because everybody right now was singing about how holy and awesome God is. What about when you irritated though? What about when you don't get your way? Oh, Jesus goes out the window.
Proverbs 14 verse one. The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Are you praying over your tongue, your mouth, hear me, brothers and sisters? Our mouth is an activator. You will either activate the fool in that woman or you will activate the queen in that woman. Hallelujah. You will either activate the fool in him or you will activate the king in him. Biblical terminology. You will talk to their flesh from your flesh or you're talking to their spirit from your spirit.
I don't know if you're here yet, but here's another level of biblical intelligence and maturity. When you could see Simon but know they're Peter. Right now, my husband, he's acting like Simon, but I know Peter's in him. So, I'mma talk to Peter and I'mma pray for Simon to keep dying so that pre Peter can keep on coming out. Right now, my wife, she's acting like Sarai. But I know that Sarah is in her. So, I'm going to speak to Sarah even when right now she's acting like Sarah. That takes That's what I have to do as a pastor. I know that Peter's in you. I know that the Holy Spirit is in you. I know that you love the Lord. Right now you're having a Simon moment though. And notice in the text. Study it. There are times when Jesus would say Simon. Other times he would say Peter. Wow.
True biblical intelligence when you can see they're not toxic. They're Simon right now. She acting like Sarai laughing over things that God wants to do. But once she be faithful and she has the blessing that God gave her, Sarah was always there. But do you know how to speak and steward Sarah even in the midst of her having a Sarai moment? Now that takes spiritual maturity because cultural t that's toxic.
Second question I have is um have you prayed over your ability to not be easily offended? Okay. Have you got the counseling, the therapy that you need so that his leadership isn't labeled as controlling, but rather is him establishing order in his house? Y'all should see online. Y'all need to like put some in the chat. It is quiet up in here right now.
Now, don't get it twisted. I'm not talking about control. I'm not talking about a tyrant. I'm not talking about a dictator. No kingdom man puts his foot down for any reason that benefits himself. True kingdom biblical manhood, if he puts his foot down, it benefits his bride first, his children second, him last. If he ever says, "I'm the head. I'm the man. This is what I say. We going to do this." And it benefits him, that's that's a tyrant and dictatorship.
But if he puts his foot down and say, "We're going to only eat at the house. Cuz this debt I don't like what it's doing to our household and I want to leave an inheritance for my children's children. This is taking from us. We're spending $600 extra dollars a month just on eating out Door Dash and Uber Eats. We're going to stop that. Even if I have to cook, we're going to eat at home." Well, what you mean? What if I want Door Dash? What if I want Uber Eats? He's not controlling. He's establishing order for his home. [Applause] Establishing order. Hm.
Are you sure you really want a kingdom man? Are you sure you want a man who puts God first? And before you say yes, do you put God first? Because if you're talking to somebody who puts God first and you don't put God first, they going to get on your everlasting nerve. Every single thing that they do is going to irritate you. Because when you have somebody come at you some type of way and they irritate you, that's a permission slip for you to act ratchet. But then if he corrects you and say that's not what godly women do, you will you get offended. If so, understand that's just what godly men do. You might even label him as insensitive and not supportive. You told him about this petty woman on your job and he told you pray for her. And every single time she walks by, don't deliberately avoid her. Speak to her. Be a light. Let your light so shine before her. You be like, I thought you had my side. You supposed you supposed to be taking my side. Is he or is he supposed to push you on the Lord side? We bless those that hate us.
See, it's getting quiet. He's not pushing you to be venomous. He's pushing you to be virtuous. This must be taught. Can you discern a godly man from a carnal man? Can you discern what's good to you versus what's good for you? Can you discern Mr. Rightight from Mr. right now? The only person you're entertaining right now is the person that cures your loneliness. And when the enemy sees that you're lonely, when God can have you in a wilderness for the purpose of detoxing you from Egypt, you're not really alone. You're being detoxed. And when you can't discern your season, you'll entertain the right now man thinking that this might be the God man. But the right now man is trying to de distract you from actually detoxing from everything that Egypt put in you.
Can you discern Mr. Right from Mr. Right now, can you discern when he when he is being Christlike versus not being controlling? But if all you've ever experienced was males, male state of birth, man, matter of choice. When all you've ever experienced was males, you listen to music produced by males. You get advice from males. When you meet a man, When you meet a man, you will call some of the things that he does toxic. When I've discovered this, when you have gotten used to toxic and toxicity has become your normal, you will mislabel health as toxic. Because all I know is when I get mad, curse each other out. All I know is clapping my hands and grabbing air. But if he says, "I see that you're upset right now and I don't want to upset you. Tell me what I have to do to re rectify my behavior." I hear what you're saying. You being petty. See, you could be so used to I'm serious. You could be so used to violence and war zones that peace causes you to be suspicious. [Applause] [Music] [Applause]
This must be taught. How would you handle a Joshua type man? Joshua 24:15 when he says, "But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourself the day who you going to serve, whether the gods your ancestors serve beyond the Euphrates or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living. But as for me and my house, no option. Everybody under this roof. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. What you mean your house? I contribute too. My house. Everything in my house is going to follow scripture. How we live here and the flowers house. Scripture is our highest authority. We going to respect in this house.
I me and Tanisha could be at odds. Like we don't like something, we disappointed or something, have a disagreement, whatever it may be. If Jay says something to Tanisha, who you talking to, boy? You better get him. Cuz I was about to snatch him up. I got you. You're not about to disrespect your mama. You lost your mind. mature enough to recognize even if we have a disagreement, you still going to get love and respect.
How would you handle it if you had a Job type man and you experience loss and affliction and you suffering, you going through it and you start complaining about God and you tell Job about it and Job tells you in JobA 2:10, you are talking like a foolish woman. But remember, Job was a upright man, a righteous man, holy man who is blameless. There was nobody else like him. But his wife has a moment of grief and she's telling him, "Curse God and die." You talking like a fool. Shall we accept good from God and not trouble? And that's not toxic family. That's kingdom.
Kingdom godly men who when you pray, stuff happens. Genesis 25:21 Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife. On behalf of his wife, on behalf for you to pray on behalf, you got to know her. You have to know what troubles her. You have had to study her. You have to spend time with her. You have to pursue her. Even though you married her, you still pursue her. Just because you caught her, you don't stop chasing on behalf of his wife because she was childless. The Lord answered his prayer and his wife Rebecca became pregnant. I want somebody in my life that when they pray, God listens. Don't let coach lie to you about money and all that. That stuff is a necessity. But when he prays, does God hear? And not just hear. When he praised, does God move?
This my family must be taught. Because we don't come out of our mother's wombs with our hearts beating for Yahweh. Godly men aren't born. They're born again and then discipled. Is this making sense? We're born males. We meet Christ and become men. Which is why the Apostle Paul says, "When I was a child, I thought like a child. I spake like a child. I reasoned as a child. But when I became a man, that is an intentional decision." He says, "I put away childish things." So what's childish? Throwing a temper tantrum when you don't get your way. My 8-year-old does that. Do you, 38-year-old man? Childish. When I don't get my way, I'm irritated. That's what babies, boys do. Godly men, this must be taught.
Simply put, ladies and gentlemen, I'm trying to get us to a place biblically to help us to discern the importance and the necessity of a godly man so that when life gets hard, men will run to Jesus and not the arms of another woman. When life gets hard, we run to Jesus and not another dopamine hit, not another high, not another relationship, not another bottle, but we actually view Christ as our greatest pleasure. Until the Lord fulfills a man until the Lord has become everything for a man, he'll be tempted by everything in this life. God must become greater. And this is what I'm striving to get us to understand. And that's just what godly men do.
If you're going to be married, you're called to be the head, not play with their head. It amazes me. How in the world are you going to play head games, get mad at her reaction, and make the subject her reaction, and not how you play with her head? [Music] You're called to be the head. Husbands, we set the tone. It's dangerous when you're tonedeaf. You ever heard somebody who thinks they can sing but can't? That's what it's like for a boy to think he's a man but not.
Can I get everybody to say this? Fathers. Fathers, raise up your sons. Raise up your sons. Godly men are needed. Godly men are needed. This is the comeback. This is the comeback of the kingdom man. of the kingdom man. One more time. Fathers. Fathers, raise up your sons. Raise up your sons. Godly men are needed. Godly men are needed. This is the comeback. This is the comeback of the kingdom man. of the kingdom man. Does anybody agree with that? Want that? Desire that? Praying for that?