Transcription
As men, we are fed bad information about women almost from the very beginning. Early on, our mothers tell us, "Well, you need to really treat her well. You need to treat her right." No one really defines "right," though, because there is a right way, but it's not the one we think. Because we think we need to treat a woman like a queen, and that's treating her right. Well, that's going to cost you in the short term, the midterm, and the long term.
In the short term, it's going to cost you money. In the midterm, it'll cost you your dignity. And in the long term, it'll cost you the opportunity to have any kind of a healthy relationship with this woman. Cuz when you start treating her like a queen, oh, you're starting to set her up for some bad behavior.
So today I want to talk to you guys about the 10 lies that men are told about how to treat a woman and why it completely screws you up. Let's talk about it.
So for those of you who are new here, my name is John Griffin and my channel is called Life 2.0. And really, it's about relearning what it's like to be single again. So, this channel is for older guys like me who are divorced, but also for younger guys who maybe take their singleness for granted. I hope you enjoy it.
Long before this channel ever came into existence, I spent a lot of time talking to my guy friends about dating and relationships. And then once I started doing coaching as a health coach, talking to guys in the gym about their relationships and then doing the relationship coaching here online, I think I've probably talked to—I don't know—maybe even a thousand guys altogether about marriages and relationships.
And most guys, from what I've observed, follow the same basic pattern. And this is the pattern that we have been taught since we were very young. And in most cases, this pattern causes us way more pain than gives us any benefits. The benefits work in the short term. You know, I think you'll get yourself some, but uh, you're going to regret it in the long run. They're sort of like, uh, be careful what you ask for because you're going to get it. And the way we treat women really causes us a lot of problems.
Just think about your own experience for a minute. How many times have you bent over backwards to accommodate a woman to seduce her? You've gone bought the flowers, bought the candy, took her on the best dates, spent buku bucks, thought you had this thing all wrapped up. I mean, you were laying it on thick, only to find that she just loses interest. And in fact, the more you give, the less interested she seems. Yeah, let's talk about it.
The first big lie that we buy into, and I alluded to it earlier, is that you can buy attraction by giving a lot to the girl. When the truth is, attraction is a natural thing. It's like hunger. You either are hungry for somebody or you're not. And that's the same for women. If she's hungry for you, she will be attracted to you regardless of what you pay for, what you buy, what you don't. If she's not into you, it doesn't matter what you do, she's not going to be into you.
When I was much younger, I had a few women, for whatever reason, thought I was just all that. And I remember mistreating them to such a degree, I am embarrassed to even talk about it; doing booty calls after we break up. I mean, and them willing to allow me to come into their rooms, come into their beds, knowing that we're not even together anymore. But that's what the power of attraction is. When a woman really, really wants you, she wants you. And when she really, really doesn't care, she'll just use you. So know that.
The second big lie that we buy into is we believe that women love the same way we do, and they don't. Women's love is much more transactional than anything you're willing to admit to yourself. You want to believe that it's that hunger, that attraction that's keeping it going. But the truth of the matter is, once you get past that level—when it's we're talking about long-term relationships, we're talking about marriage—um, her relationship becomes a lot more transactional with you. And when your situation changes, her situation changes. Just know that to be true.
This next one is one of those lies that got me and got—and still gets me sometimes—is the idea that communication can solve your problems. That having good communication—and I think this one's perpetuated by the media and all the pop psychiatrists and psychologists—and it just isn't true. You can talk until you're blue in the face. And if she's not into you, it doesn't matter. Like when you get to the end of your marriage and she's already said, "We're not having sex. I don't think I'm into you anymore." Deboo. No. No. Deboo. Deboo. No. No. Don't jump in there. Deboo. That's too far. Come back this way. Go that way. Go. When you get to the end of your marriage and she's not into you anymore, you can talk until you're blue in the face, and you are not going to win her attraction back. You're not going to win her love back. She will patronize you because she feels a social obligation to go through the steps of communicating just to say that she did it. But the truth of the matter is, it's not going to work.
Lie number five is she's just broken and she just needs the right guy, and you are that guy. Yeah, that is not the case. She's not broken with other guys. She's just broken with you. She's just manipulating you with whatever past trauma she wants to make up in her head and turn it into some kind of a big event so that she can manipulate you and get what she wants out of you. Trust me, if she's really into you, she's not going to come at you with all of her worst characteristics right off the bat. You know, she might save that stuff for later, but if she's hitting you with that early on in the relationship, it's a manipulation. Plain and simple.
Just out of curiosity, how many of these are you starting to recognize already? And we're only halfway through the list, so let's keep it going.
Lie number six: hypergamy isn't real. It's just some concept made up by the red pill community, by men, to hold women accountable for things they have—they have no idea what you're talking about. Nothing could be further from the truth. Now, you're probably thinking, "Well, once I connect with her, hypergamy won't be real for her anymore." Well, that's not true either, my friend. If you're in a relationship right now, I guarantee you at some time, either today or at least in the last few days, she has been on Instagram reels looking at other men and comparing you and seeing how you measure up. The minute your value to her drops and the value to the men that she's seeing online goes up, you're going to find yourself alone. Now, once you're married, it takes a little bit longer for her to make that call because obviously there's a lot more complexities to it than just, you know, breaking up and sending you a text message, but it still happens. Hypergamy is real. And the minute you lose your value to her or she sees that you're no longer valuable to her, uh, for whatever reason, she's going to be on to the next guy. I promise you that.
Number seven, and this one is a classic. Oh my god, you become vulnerable. You show her your emotions. You think she's going to love you if you're an emotional, vulnerable man. You can come into touch with your female side, with your feminine, your inner feminine. That's what she wants. She wants you to come in touch with your inner feminine. And you're going to express all these vulnerabilities to her and your emotions. And you're going to show her that you're—you're in touch with your feelings. You're a feeling guy. Yeah, that's not going to work. In fact, that's going to have exactly the opposite effect. She may patronize you while you're doing it. She may tell you what a sweet guy you are and uh how wonderful it is that you have the such, you know, uh emotional maturity to be in touch with your emotions the way that you are. Meanwhile, she's thinking, "I guess this guy's friend-zoned. You know, this guy is never getting anywhere near me," cuz she wants to feel your strength. She wants to feel leadership. You know, I know we say in almost a derogatory way that women are like children, but I—I'm telling you, I mean it. It's not—I'm not saying that in to be mean or to—to cut down women or anything like that. They're like children. They need strength and leadership and parameters around them. And I—I'm telling you, this is absolutely true. If you blow that up by telling her all your deep dark secrets and how sad you were when your mom spanked you, you're not getting in her pants. I guarantee you that.
All right. Lie number eight. It's your job to make her happy. That is the huge giant myth, the big lie that men fall for all the time; that you think that if she's feeling some sad, some negative emotion in any part of her life that it's your job to make her feel better, to make her feel happy, to make her feel whole. Because if she's sad about anything in her life, you're afraid that she's going to think it has something to do with you, and you don't want to be part of the problem. You want to be part of the solution. Well, my friends, that uh will inevitably create a toxic environment where she's going to use you as her emotional tampon. You will no longer be her boyfriend, her lover. You will be her therapist. And if you want to be her therapist, and that's great. You're also creating a dependency that she's going to develop for you. She's going to expect you next time to do the same thing. And she's going to keep upping the stakes on this little game where she's going to become more and more distressed and more and more sad because you keep giving her positive feedback whenever she does that. You keep feeding her ego. You keep telling her she's great. You keep telling her that you're going to take care of her, that you love her, you're going to buy her stuff. You're going to distract her from whatever it is that's bothering her. Yeah, this was the destruction of my marriage. I know this one intimately. This is—this was my life. So, yeah, this one, I can tell you from personal experience, this never works.
Here's another classic. Number nine. You think—or you've been told—that she wants the same kind of things from a relationship that you want from a relationship, and that is generally not the case. Most men want a best friend who's got their back, who's loyal, who they can depend on, who they can have sex with. This is what they want. They want a buddy they can have sex with, who maybe has some organizational skills, who maybe is good with kids, and if they can cook, that's even better. That's it. That's what a man wants. What women want is the omnim. They want the man who can be every man all the time. They want you to fill every role possible. And that's because they have been raised watching Disney movies, romantic comedies, and Sex in the City. And they think that this is what women deserve. This is what they expect from a man. And you can only play that game for so long. Like, if you try to be the omnim man for a while, you're setting yourself up for a big, big problem. Because the minute you let your guard down and you turn into a real normal, healthy man, yeah, she's going to be like, "What the hell happened to the guy I married?" Yeah. She does not want the same thing. She wants Prince Charming. And none of us are Prince Charming. Prince Charming does not exist in the world. And that's why women are never happy because they can never get what they want. Because what they want isn't realistic.
Number 10, and this one is a big one, and this is subconscious, but it runs so deep. I think that most guys just believe that it's true. You think that if you sacrifice on her behalf, like you give up your friends, you give up your hobbies, you give up those things that you love in your life in order to make room for her, in order to provide for her, in order to—um—be a better man for her, to be the man that she wants you to be. If you give up a lot of yourself on her behalf, she is not going to—um—appreciate that. No. No. In fact, quite the opposite. She's going to have contempt for you because you have given into her completely. Women do not want you to give in to them. They want you to hold your ground. They want you to have boundaries. They want you to have self-respect. They want you to be strong. They want you to be—um—a leader. And if you allow her or her influence in your life to cause you to give up those things that you value, then she will see that she has more power, more control than you. And nothing scares a woman more than having more power in a relationship than the man. That's the truth.
I find it really humorous in the comments. I get guys who write to me in all caps telling me how wrong I am about women and how I am—uh—weak. And I'm just seeing these women like this because I don't know how to handle them. You know that women aren't like this for real. Well, probably most of these guys are like 30. You know, they've been in like two relationships in their lives. They—um—they're early in a long-term relationship, maybe a couple of years in, and they think they've got it all figured out. I know that cuz I was you. I was you. My best friend was married 10 years before me, and his marriage was already in—by the time I got married. And uh, I remember telling him, "Man, you just got the wrong girl. Look at my girl. She's so great. Like, you just didn't know how to treat her. You just need to know how to handle her." Oh, man. Yeah. Yeah. That's—that's not the case at all.
So, I'm not bitter and I'm not mistaken and I'm not trying to dissuade you from having relationships with women despite what the way it sounds. What I'm telling you is understand the enemy. Understand what you're getting into. Understand this is the way this game is played. And it's not about playing games in that respect. It's just understanding the—the environment in which you're working. You know, if you want to play in this field, if you want to be in romantic relationships, you just need to understand the way women think. And that way, you're not shocked by—uh—things that pop up; you can prepare yourself and prevent a lot of these potential pitfalls from ever happening.
The objective here is that you have a healthy relationship where you have self-respect and dignity and you don't allow a woman to take that from you. And the minute you feel like she's doing that and she's pushing you and she's testing you, you can call her on it and you can decide whether you want to continue that relationship. Because remember, so long as you're in control and you have power in that relationship, she will respect you. When you lose control and you turn it over to her and she's the boss, she will no longer respect you. And then one of the biggest problems that most men have coming out of their marriage is they say, you know, "She lost respect for me." Well, I think that part of it is—is that we unknowingly give up the power that demands respect because we're trying to patronize them. We're trying to make them happy. We're trying to be—um—do what we've been told about how a relationship's supposed to work, how we're supposed to be in a relationships, treat her like a queen and all that crap. Yeah, that is just not true.
Like I said early on, I've had a handful of girls in my life that, for whatever reason, I know you guys are questioning me, they just thought I was it. I thought I was their guy. I thought they thought that I was—I walked on water or something. And um, I treated them like—treated them like—and I regret it because some of those girls were good. They were some good girls in there. And I wish they were around now. But they—uh—they allowed me to treat them poorly. And I don't—not that I'm suggesting that treating a woman poorly is the right way to go, but it's just a—an example that when a woman is into you, she's into you. And it takes a lot to break that—that trance. It takes a lot to break that trance.
All right, you guys. That's what I got for you today. I certainly hope you've enjoyed this video. Hopefully, you found it to be educational and entertaining. If you know a guy who's struggling in a relationship or has struggled in past relationships, please share this video with them. I think that there's a lot of—um—insights that most men just don't—don't understand about women. And I think that—uh—if guys can just change their approach, they can get the results that they want. Um, I don't think that women are—uh—so complex that we can't break this code. I mean, they certainly are problematic, but they're not so complex that we can't break the code. Need to find the right woman and approach it from the right perspective. All right, I'll see you next time. Until then, stay healthy and if you can, stay single.