Transcription
Why does he want to bang you all the time? This is understanding male hormones 101, okay? Have you ever wondered why he literally wants to bang you all of the time? No, it's not because he's a dog. Maybe [snorts] he is a little bit. No, it's not because he sees you like a slice of meat, even though my husband looks at me like I'm a juicy steak though, and that is important. That is healthy. And no, it's not because he doesn't disrespect you, okay? It's not any of those things.
So, let's start at the core of it, shall we? Because if you don't understand what you're biologically dealing with with your man, you're going to make your life and your man's life miserable forever. Men literally produce between 10 and 20 times more testosterone than women. That is not a small gap, girl. That is an entirely different hormonal reality. And here's what you women don't realize. Testosterone doesn't just drive sex. It drives his aggression, his ambition, his competitiveness, and his literal need to pursue, protect, and provide. Those are not separate functions. They are one engine. So, the same hormone that's feeling his drive at work is the same hormone that makes him protective. It's the same hormone that motivates him to build a future, and it's the same hormone feeling his desire for you. Do you understand? You can't split them apart. You can't separate them.
Think about it this way. You know when you're in your luteal phase, that week or two before your period and your energy goes down, your mood shifts, and your body just wants to rest? Yes? Okay. You can't control that, right? It just happens. Okay. So, men have something similar happening in their bodies, too. And it literally happens every single day. Something that they also don't get to choose. Except instead of pulling them inward, it pushes them outward towards connection, towards pursuit, and towards you.
Women hormones on the other hand are cyclical. There are weeks where we feel more sexual. There are weeks where we feel completely closed off to it, and that's completely normal for us. But, men don't have that cycle. Their testosterone runs at a consistent and constant level day after day, which means their sex drive doesn't take breaks, and it doesn't pause because life got hard. No, if anything, and this is important, stress increases a man's need for sex because it's one of the primary ways his nervous system gets to regulate himself. So, in other words, men need to bang you to regulate themselves, okay?
So, picture this. He had a brutal day. He had to deal with different situations at work, a difficult client, his boss was a jerk to him, or something he wanted just went absolutely wrong. Then he comes home and reaches for you. And the first thing you think is that he's doing it while ignoring that you're tired or stressed or whatever. No, girl. He's doing it because you are literally how he comes back to himself, and you are denying him. So, understand that this is the opposite of what you think, okay? That is not selfish behavior. It's not. It's one of the most vulnerable things a man can actually do, and you're turning it away. So, if your reaction to that is "or not now, uh okay, fine, make it quick," just understand that he just doesn't move on from that at all. No. You are inflicting a low blow to his ego and to his nervous system. So, he is now going to retreat quietly and feeling completely defeated.
I need you ladies to really understand me for a second, okay? Most of you women think about rejection the way we experience it, right? We feel sad, we talk to somebody about it, we cry, we process it, and we move through it. But, that's a very feminine response to pain. Men don't do that. Absolutely not. For a man, being turned down by his own woman, repeatedly, dismissively, or both, it doesn't just hurt him in the moment. Nope, it hurts at the level of his masculine identity. His sense of being wanted, his sense of being enough, his sense of his masculinity, takes a pretty hard blow, okay? And he is never going to tell you that. He will not come to you and say, "You know what? When you pushed me away last night, I felt unwanted and really hurt." No, he's not going to do that. He's just going to get quiet. He will stop reaching out, and he will be probably somewhere else emotionally, far, far away. And that is your fault.
Here's a scenario, okay? I've seen happen more times than I can count. A couple has been together for a few years. In the beginning, the intimacy was awesome. It was consistent, but then life happens, kids happen, the career pressure goes up, and the stress skyrockets, okay? And then the woman pulls back on initiating. It's not because she is a downer. No, it might not be that, but because emotionally, she is drained, okay? And then he reaches for her at night, and she says no. Even worse, she doesn't say anything. She just rolls over. And then this happens a few times, more and more, and then a few times more. And guess what happens? He simply stops reaching out, stops initiating altogether, and just checks out. Then she notices that he seems distant, but assumes that he is just stressed or tired. So, she pulls back even more. And now, they're barely talking about it, barely touching, and barely connecting with each other. Then, she starts wondering why he doesn't pursue her anymore. I mean, do you see how stupid this is? Of course, he stops pursuing. He got tired of being rejected all the damn time. But, she thinks the problem is communication. No, the actual problem is and happened and probably started months ago. It's a series of small moments that she didn't realize were piling up and chipping away at his confidence and masculinity.
So, here's what I want you to understand, please. Men can deal with a no. They can, okay? But, what slowly breaks them apart is feeling like you don't even desire him anymore. Like, they're a burden for wanting their own partner. Like, their masculinity is something to be managed or tolerated or ashamed for, rather than met and celebrated. There's a massive difference between "I'm exhausted tonight, but I want you to know I want you, baby, okay?" And rolling over without a word. Both are technically a no, but one keeps the flame alive, and the other one completely kills it.
Now, I want to give you two real scenarios, okay? On the first one, one woman told me her husband had become emotionally unavailable, okay? He stopped planning dates, stopped touching her, and stopped being affectionate. She thought he was depressed or checked out of the marriage. So, when I asked her about her sex drive, it all became clear. She listed every reason why she was too tired or too stressed or too exhausted from the kids, right? Let me tell you that all those reasons are valid, but she hadn't considered for a single second how the man of the house felt about that. It was all about me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. But, him? Zero. Nada. Zilch. Nothing.
So, now, in my case, it's the total opposite, okay? I have been in my luteal phase. And I know my sex drive is at its absolute bottom. I want nothing to do with it, okay? Well, yesterday I told my husband, "Hey, it's been a few days since you've gotten any. I know I'm not down for sexy time, okay? But if you want to get off, just tell me and I will help you, okay?" My husband giggled and smiled at me and said, "I know, baby. I'll tell you when I can't hold it anymore, okay?" See? Simple. It is called awareness and communication, and it's actually about giving a damn about your partner and not making it all about yourself. Stop being selfish, ladies.
So, here's where it all comes down, okay? Maybe you should take some notes, too. If you want a man who is devoted, present, protective, driven, and emotionally available, you need to understand what fuels that version of him. And one of the most powerful fuels is by feeling truly desired and chosen by his woman. When a man feels desired and wanted, he will move mountains for you. But, I am not talking about pre-formed desire or obligated desire. No, genuine, real, raw, primal desire, okay? When a man feels that, he knows that his partner is attracted to him, that she's choosing him, that she wants him. And it doesn't just affect the relationship positively, it affects everything. His confidence, his energy, his drive, the way he walks into a room, and the way he shows up for you. Remember, the same way that you crave emotional connection, he craves physical intimacy. Okay.
Now that you've got the message, here's the part where we get practical. So, ladies, take some notes, okay? Number one, be honest and assess whether your partner feels desired in your relationship or not, okay? Not whether you love him, but if he feels wanted. Those are two different things. You can love somebody completely and still not have sex with them. So, ask yourself honestly, when was the last time I initiated? When was the last time I made him feel like a snack?
Number two, change how you say no, because sometimes the answer is no, and that's okay. But, your delivery is everything. "I'm exhausted, but I want you to know I want you." Beautiful. That hits completely differently than "uh, not tonight" or much worse, just complete silence. So, make sure that even when the answer is no, the message underneath is still "you are still wanted here."
Three, initiate, for the love of God. Do it. This one is huge. Men carry the weight of the world and initiating almost constantly. And there are very few things that have bigger impact than a woman pursuing her man. It doesn't have to be over the top. It can be a spicy text in the middle of the day. Uh, a sexy look from across the room. Coming to him first. I mean, girl, it's not hard to tease or turn on a man, is it? It's not. So, do that. That alone shifts your entire relationship dynamic.
Four, have the actual conversation, but do it right. Not in the middle of a fight, not at the end of the night where you two already said no and the tension is high. In a calm moment. Talk about what's happening. Tell him what you need. Ask him what he needs, right? Build a bridge instead of two people sitting on opposite sides wondering what went wrong. Communicate, woman. Communicate.
Five, understand that this is maintenance, not a one-time fix, okay? Intimacy in a relationship is a must do, like brushing your teeth. You want to keep your teeth? Okay. You want to keep your man? Same thing. It's something you must actively do every day or every other day or every week, at least every month, for the love of God. It is a living part of what you're building together. And if you stop feeding it, it dies. I'm not exaggerating. That is just true. I talk to too many people complaining about the same thing that "my wife stopped having sex with me" or "my husband stopped desiring me." It's been 10, 15 years, and now I don't know what to do. I'm honestly sick of hearing that because it's like, let's do something about this, right?
If you want a solid relationship, you have to learn to see your partner fully, not just the version of him that's convenient, but the real, complete, biologically and emotionally driven human being that he is. That is what love actually looks like. Love is a verb, not a noun. Love is action.
If this video resonated with you, please subscribe to my channel. More is coming. Like it, comment, and share it with your partner, okay? Share it with the people you care about. Send it to a friend. Post it. Whatever you want to do because I guarantee you that you know somebody whose relationship needs to hear this right now, okay? And if you ever want to go deeper, if you're a woman who's ready to build not just a stronger body, but a stronger, more grounded version of herself in every area of her life, the link is in my bio if you want to work with me, okay? It's in the description. I work with women who are serious about doing the real work, okay? So, subscribe if you're new here. More is coming. We do not do surface-level content on this channel, okay? We talk about the things that people are thinking, but not saying, okay? So, I'll see you in the next one.