Transcription
November 17, 1902. Vol. 4. Impossibility of losing consciousness. It is a decree of the will of God to use the work of the priests to make Louisa come round from her state of sufferings. As the usual hour came for me to be surprised by my usual state, to my great bitterness. But such bitterness that I had never experienced anything similar in my life. My mind was no longer able to lose consciousness. My life, my treasure, the one who formed all my delight, my all, loveable Jesus, was not coming.
I tried to recollect myself as much as I could, but I felt my mind so awake that I could neither lose consciousness nor sleep. So I would do nothing but break the break to my tears. I did as much as I could to follow in my interior what I would do in the state of unconsciousness of my senses. And one by one, I would recall his teachings, his words, and the way I was supposed to remain always united with him. But these were all darts that wounded my heart bitterly, saying to me, "Ha! After you have seen him every day for 15 years, sometimes more, sometimes less, sometimes three or four times, sometimes once, sometimes he would speak to you, other times he would remain silent, but still you would see him, and now you have lost him. You don't see him anymore. You no longer hear his sweet and gentle voice. Everything is over for you." And my poor heart would become so filled with bitterness and sorrow that I can say that my bread was sorrow and my drink the tears, and I was filled with them that not a drop of water could enter into my throat.
To this, another thorn added on. Oftentimes, I had said to my adorable Jesus, "How I fear about my state, that it is just me, that it is oh my fantasy, that it is a pretense." And he would say to me, "Remove these fears, for you will see then that days will come in which, in spite of any effort and sacrifice you would make to lose consciousness, you will not be able to do it." But in spite of all this, I felt calmness in my interior, for at least I was obeying, though it cost me my life. So I thought that things would have to continue this way, convincing myself that since the Lord no longer wanted me in that state, he had used Monsignor to have him give me that obedience.
Then, after two days had passed, in the evening, I was about to make my adoration to the crucifix when a flash of light came before my mind. I felt my heart being opened and a voice saying to me, "I will keep you suspended for a few days, and then I will make you fall again." And I, "Lord, will you not make me come round yourself if you make me fall?" And the voice, "No, it is a decree of my will to use the work of the priest to make you come around from that state of sufferings. And if they want to know why, let them come to me and ask me. My wisdom is incomprehensible and has many unusual ways for the salvation of souls. But even though it is incomprehensible, if they want to find the reason, let them go deep, for they will find it bright like the sun."
[Music] "My justice is like a cloud pregnant with hail, thunders, and lightnings, and in you it found a dam so as not to unload itself over the people's. So let them not want to advance the time of my wrath. And I, only for me, was this chastisement reserved, with no hope to be freed of it. You have given so many graces to other souls. They have suffered greatly for love of you. If they had no need of the work of a priest." And the voice continued, "You will be freed, not now, but when the slaughters begin in Italy." This for me was another reason for sorrows and most bitter tears.
So much so that my loveable Jesus, having compassion for me, moved in my interior, as though placing a veil before what he had told me, and without letting himself be seen, he let me hear his voice saying to me, "My daughter, come to me. Do not want to afflict yourself. Let us move justice away for a little while, and let us give room to love, otherwise you succumb. Listen to me. I have many things to teach you. Do you think I have finished speaking to you?" No. Since I was crying and my eyes had become two rivers of tears, he added, "Do not cry, my beloved, but rather give me audience. This morning, I want to hear Mass together with you, teaching you the way you must hear it." And so he kept speaking, and I would follow him. But since I could not see him, my heart was split by the pain continuously. From time to time, to stop my crying, he would call me repeatedly, now teaching me something about his passion, explaining the meaning to me, now teaching me how to do what he did in its interior during the course of his passion, which I refrain from writing for now, we're serving this for another time, if God pleases. This is how I went on for two more days.
November 17th, 1904. Volume 6. How the soul can be food for Jesus. Having received communion, I was thinking about the banquet of our Lord in giving himself as food to such a poor creature as I am, and about how I could correspond to such a great favor. While I was thinking of this, blessed Jesus told me, "My daughter, just as I make myself food for the creature, so can the creature make herself my food, converting all of her interior into nourishment for me, in such a way that her thoughts, affections, desires, inclinations, heartbeats, sighs, love, everything, everything should tend toward me. And I, on seeing the true fruit of my food, which is to divinize the soul and convert everything within myself, would come to nourish myself with the soul, that is, with her thoughts, with her love, and with all the rest. In this way, the soul could say to me, 'Justice, you have reached the point of making yourself my food and of giving me everything. I too have made myself your food. There is nothing left to give you, because everything I am is all yours.'" In the meantime, I understood the enormous ingratitude of creatures, because while Jesus deigns to reach such excess of love as to make himself our food, we then deny him his food and cause him to remain on an empty stomach.
November 17th, 1935. Volume 33. Everything that one does in the Divine Will takes its place in God. I felt myself in the arms of the Divine Will. It seems to me that it waits for me in order to operate in my little act, in order to give me rest and its works, and in order for it to also rest. And my sweet Jesus, surprising me with his brief little visit, told me, "My daughter, as the creature operates in my will, so her acts take their place in our divine being. Our goodness is so much that it has many voids in order to receive into our volition all the human acts that possess the creative virtue. They come to their creator all festive, and they fill these voids, because our love has a beautiful place formed in us in order to be able to say with deeds, 'They are our acts. What we do, the creature does.' What she does in our will, nothing remains outside of us, nor can they remain outside of us. It would be so if this were possible, as if our life were subject to separating, that which cannot be. Because we not only possess the inseparability of our Supreme Being, but of all our acts. And for one who lives in our volition, we have places for everything, and we form one single act of everything. Now these acts find in us not only their place of honor, but perennial life and their rest. And we feel the happiness, the joy that the creature has enclosed in her act by doing it in our will. We feel that our Fiat loves us, glorifies us, felicitates us, beautifies us in the act of the creature as we merit. Oh, how happy we feel to feel happiness in us as natural to feel the happiness that the creature can give us. We feel the exchange of the work of creation. And does it seem little to you that we give the virtue to the creature of being able to felicitate her creator? And such and so much is the joy that we experience that we abandon ourselves in the arms of the creature and clasping her in ours, we rest in her, and she rests in us. And then her rest is broken when she surprises us with other acts of hers in order to enjoy the happiness that she brings us. In fact, we do nothing other than pass from happiness to rest, from rest to happiness. Blessed creature, who living in our Divine Will can felicitate he who possesses the open sea of infinite joys and happiness without end."
End of November 17th. Fiat.