Transcription
I hope you're prepared, Pinky, for tonight's plan to take over the world. Promises to be extraordinary.
[Music]
You watch too much TV, Pinky. Stop saying that, Pinky, or I shall have to hurt you. Oh, okay. Sorry, Brain. Knife.
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
Hey, God, you astound me, Brain. That's a simple task, Pinky. Once we construct the superconductive magnetic infundibulator, the world will be ours, Pinky. It is often said when a golfer tees off. Elvie, what is for? Alex, what is garf? What is point? What is inordinately short attention span? Alex, the plans, Pinky, for the superconductive magnetic infundibulator. Shall I explain how it works?
[Music]
Challenge me. I'm sure I will. By using the infundibulator to deplete hydrogen and promote gravitational collapse, we will produce a magnetic charge from the center of the Earth so strong that every person who has loose change in their pockets will be magnetically drawn to the ground and stuck there. He got, Brain. Brilliant. Oh, no way. What if they take off their pants? Then we'll have to take over the world quickly. Every item we need is here in the lab, save one. The infundibulator.
[Music]
But I know where we can get one. The Farmer's Almanac.
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
Thanks.
[Music]
Ah, here we are. Build your own instant W light later with things you have around the home. Only 99,000. 99,000 dollars. Nerve. Where are we going to get that? Right. Sorry, Matilda. That's incorrect. How much did you wager? All of it. That's too bad, because you could have won 99,000. Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? I think so, Rain. But where are we gonna find a duck in the hose at this hour?
[Music]
We shall do no less than go to Fort Knox, Kentucky, keeper of the nation's gold supply. There we will expose the guards to our pollen, and while they are sneezing uncontrollably, we'll move into the vault and take the gold. For he who controls this nation's capital controls the nation. Off to Fort Knox. Oh, wait. But isn't the nation's capital in Washington D.C.? Capital as in money, Pinky. Come on.
[Music]
But how are we gonna get to Fort Knox, Brain? We'll simply borrow one of the lab's technological resources. The minivan. While we get in trouble. Brian, get in trouble, Pinky. We're going to take over the world. Besides, we'll have the van back here by 8 a.m. Oh, all right then.
[Music]
Boy, nice thrab's, Brain. But uh, why the disguise? If we are to succeed in our mission, I must pass for an average, nondescript motorist, Pinky. So while we're driving, call me Mr. No Perkins. Brilliant, Brain. Mr. Perkins. All right, love. Mr. Perkins. Pinky, start your engine now. Depress the brake. Yes. Now I'll shift the transmission into gear, and you give it the gas. Now, Pinky, let us, in the vernacular, take this hog out on the road and see who's boss.
[Music]
[Applause]
Pinky, prepare to pass a slow-moving vehicle. Right here, Brain. Call me Mr. Perkins. Activate left turn indicator. Now let's try that again, Pinky. No, wrong switch.
[Music]
Exemplary work, Pinky. But we're slowing down quickly. Step on the gas. Gas. Check. Maintain pedal pressure, Pinky. We're halfway around the freight vehicle. Airbreaker, breaker one nine. This year's big red deal. What's your handle, good buddy? Over. The name's Perkins. Mr. Perkins. Just an average, non-descript motorist.
[Music]
Behold my latest creation, Pinky. The Vacuuminator. It uses reverse air pressure to vacuum everything toward it. Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Pinky? Uh, yeah, Blaine. But where are we gonna find rubber pants our size? No, Pinky. We're going to use the Vacuuminator to steal Russia's crown jewels. Not genius, blind. Turn it off, Picky.
[Music]
I like it. Now I feel cleansed. But Brain, I mean, the crown jewels are always guarded by giant Cossacks. Don't worry about the guards for tonight, Pinky. At precisely 1 a.m., there's a total lunar eclipse. The Earth's shadow will completely cover the moon, blacking out all of Saint Petersburg for a period of 30 seconds. In that brief time, we will sneak past the Tsar's guards under the cover of darkness and steal the crown jewels. For he who controls the jewels controls Mother Russia. But I thought your mother's name was Desiree. Soon, Pinkie, I will rule Russia. So from now on, call me Tsar. Right now, Brian. Tsar Brain. Come along, Pinky. Conquest awaits.
[Music]
At last, Pinky. After a year of watching and waiting, it is time to put my plan into action. You mean we're finally going to learn to harmonize, get a choreographer, and move to Detroit? No, Pinky. I'm talking about my plan. Enough. All right. I am finally going to ascend to my rightful position in this budding democracy. Emperor. Take note, Pinky. Mr. Jefferson over there is writing the Declaration of Independence. All the governing principles of the new nation are being put into that document. Hey, God, Vane. Oh, too bad it doesn't say anything about you being the leader. Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? I think so, Brian. But where do you stick the feather and call it macaroni? Simply in your hat.
[Music]
We shall surreptitiously replace their Declaration of Independence with this. The Declaration of Obedience. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a mouse named Brain shall be our leader. That's B-R-A-I-N. Hurrah. Oh, I love that. Hurrah. Partly, it's not too flowery, is it? Oh, no. Just right. Do you think they'll mind the part about changing the currency to cheese balls? Once this nation's founding fathers unwittingly sign it, they'll have no choice. Everything is in place, Pinkie. In a few minutes, we will change the course of history. Now pay careful attention. Step one, I will climb to the shelf above the signing table. Step two, you launch the document, the trajectory of which I have meticulously calculated. Step three, as I swing down toward the table, I'll catch the ursatz document in mid-air and make the switch. Hey, God, Brain. Brilliant. Wait. Oh, no, no. Well, they see what you're doing? Not at all, Pinky. They're all wearing those ridiculous bifocals invented by Ben Franklin. You can't see a thing through them. My moment of destiny is at hand. The Continental Congress delegates are arriving. I hope this signing goes quickly. Citizen Adams, I have to get back to my experiments with electricity. Oh, you and your experiment, Citizen Franklin. Why don't you go fly a kite?
[Music]
The Declaration of Independence. Quickly, Pinky, get into position. Oh, I love intrigue.
[Music]
We made it, gentlemen. Your perceptions of accomplishment are misguided, Pinky. It's another mile to the summit. Oh, right. Well, then, Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? I think so. But where will we find an open tattoo parlor at this time of night? No, Pinky. At our present rate of ascension, we'll miss the summit entirely. We need a faster mode of transit.
[Music]
Oh, this is a lot faster.
[Music]
This is great. Squirrel calling. Bullfrog, come in. Bullfrog, I told you to stop playing that.
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
That is not a napkin. How fortuitous, Pinky. We've arrived. The moment of glory is now. Ready. The catalystic immobilizer and prepare to take over the world.
[Music]
Oh.
[Music]
Take your position on that cheese. Move out.
[Music]
Ready. Aim. Fire.
[Applause]
[Music]
And so the summit of the world leaders concluded successfully today. Turn it off, Pinky. But Brain, we might be on. In fact, the only mishap was Tipper Gore twisting her ankle running from some frozen rats. That's not. We're not rats.
[Music]
Oh my. It's hideous. Ladies and gentlemen, I can hardly describe this terrifying creature before me, except to say, run for your lives. Go on, empty the cities. Leave everything behind. I, I don't know how long I can stay on the air. I'll try to get to our aerial view in Chopper 5.
[Music]
Chopper 5, high above the city. The horrible creatures from Mars invading, destroying everything in their path. Oh, the humanity.
[Music]
This is no hoax, ladies and gentlemen. I urge you to run for your lives while you can. We're not making this up just so we can take over the world. Oh, no. It's heading this way. Run for your lives. Run for your lives.
[Music]
We did it, Pinky. Brilliant performance. Undoubtedly, the population has fled in fear from their terrifying enemy.
[Music]
Let us make haste to the White House.
[Music]
Battle for the Planet is a comedy smash. World laughs together. Stay home for this one.
[Laughter]
[Music]
Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? Well, I think so, Brian. But if we didn't have ears, we'd look like weasels. No, Pinky. Our hoax. No one went anywhere. No one fled the cities. They found us humorous. Where are you going, Brian? Back to our cage, Pinky. We must plan for tomorrow night. Why? What are we going to do tomorrow night? The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world.
[Music]
You.