Le pouvoir énorme de la pensée positive

So, here I prayed for this house that there be blessings, that there be sustenance, and also for special requests. So you say amen to what I prayed for, even if you don't know, it's not a big deal. We will also ask for the course to be dedicated to the merits of my wife Nathalie Kamad Saada, and also for fortune, but Saouda Batina, and also a reflection for Kinokit Ben Ben and Sarah, send me the fastest possible good news, and for you too, may there be blessings in your families. You sacrificed a morning of sport, that is great.

So, it's at the beginning of the parashah Vayigash. Everyone knows when Joseph was to meet Judah, after Joseph, who was the viceroy of Egypt, had already taken Shimon, and then he had taken Benjamin. So it was a big, big stress, and the two of them confronted each other, and we thought it was going to explode. And Joseph knew very well that the brothers were capable of destroying all of Egypt; they had the power. On the other hand, Judah faced Joseph, or rather the king of Egypt, the viceroy, who had such great power. So there was an extraordinary tension. Okay.

Well, there are many commentaries on this confrontation, but there is an incredible insight that we will use this morning, and I hope we will draw from it a good lesson. It says there, "Vayigash." Normally, it means he approached. But it is also a "guicha," an approach. What "guicha" do you have for the situation? What approach do you have? What attitude do you have? And it says something incredible there. It says, "Vayigash elav Yehuda." As the Sages said, "Panim el panim kamo haMayim." Yes. So, "panim el panim" (face to face) is like when someone looks in the water, they see their reflection. Okay? And there is a kind of parallel between the reflection and the person looking in the water. It's called "panim el panim." Yes, face to face. It says, "Kamo haMayim," like the water that produces this effect of "panim el panim," "ken lev adam le'adam." In the same way, the heart of man to man. That is the verse in Proverbs. Now it says, "Vayigash elav Yehuda." And upon this, Judah exerted himself. That means he reflected, he took upon himself the efforts of Joseph to influence Joseph's heart towards him, the compassion. Okay? So now he is his enemy. Okay? They are supposed to go to war. And what does he do? Before speaking to him, simply by approaching him, he had this thought. He said, "I will try to direct his spirit towards mercy." Even though, a priori, they are in a state of tension that should lead to war. He says he brought his spirit and his will closer to him, "le'ahav etav ul'chabedo," to love him and to cherish him. Do you follow?

It means he put himself in a state of mind to say, "Now this man, who is probably my enemy, who wants my death, who wants to destroy my family, I will love him." So he completely reversed the trend, the "guicha," that is, the approach he had. Why? So that Joseph's spirit would draw closer to him, "lekabel et davarav," to accept his words, and all the efforts of seduction that he tried to make. He says he was forced to do this, that is, to force himself to love him. He says, "Ki al pi teva," because by nature, normally, the children of Jacob would never cherish people who practice idolatry. Yes, so they would rather hate them than love them. Because of this, "al ken," he was forced at that moment, "lehafoch et ta'amav," to reverse his nature, or the "guicha bel'vavo," and to draw closer in his heart. And it says, "Vatar," and you see that it worked, because right after, Joseph changed his mind, he said, "Okay, let's go," he revealed himself, "Ani," and he stopped the whole story. Okay.

Here it is written an incredible innovation. It is written that no one, yes, can with their heart, because here we are not talking about him speaking, we are not talking about him manipulating, we are not talking about him influencing, we are not talking about him acting, he did nothing. Yes, he came with a different approach. Yes. Where there were two, once again, two enormous tensions. There was an extraordinary potential for conflict. There was a potential for war. There was a potential for misunderstanding. There was a potential for hatred. There was a potential for violence. And what did he do? He went against his nature. Yes, he completely reversed his nature, and this upheaval of his nature caused the upheaval of the nature of the person in front of him. Okay? So imagine what you can do with your husband? But it's incredible. Yes. That we say, no, you have to talk, you have to convince, you need learning, you need work, you need a process of therapy, sometimes psychoanalysis, sometimes brain change, sometimes, because it goes very far. Yes.

The other day, I saw a man who was so affected by stupidity that I told him, "Listen, I can't do anything for you." But he said, "Sir, I was told you are very strong in psychology." "Yes, but you." I told him, "You need a veterinarian." He said, "But why a veterinarian?" I said, "Because within us there is evil, there is the yetzer hara, and there is the ego, the 'ani,' and when the two identify, it makes an animal." So when you behave like an animal, I can't do anything. I come with the Torah, I can't do anything. You need a veterinarian. The veterinarian understands animals. He said, "But sir, you are entirely... do you bark at a low neckline?" Yes. "Ah, I can't do anything." When you return to normal, when you think with your brain and not with the equatorial part, okay? So someone is speaking like someone who is in full depression, there is no point in talking about the ego, I can't, there are crocodiles on the walls. First, you'll take a pill, you'll calm down, you'll return, your brain will return. We say in French, "I came to my senses," and then there is someone who is speaking. Yes.

Now, the other person is under pressure, the other person is in fear, the other person is in trauma. Well, sexual violence between 8 and 12 years old for years. So the other person is there, the other person is there. Everything is there. Where they are, you are not there. Yes. As my wife always said, "Where is your head going?" Your head is there. I can't talk to you because your head is there. It's logical. Yes. I'm telling you, we say "to come to one's senses." It means they are lost in the attic, there, in an old suitcase. Yes. So, this is the idea. The idea is that the person is there but not there. A bit like anger. I've explained this many times, but it sounds like a joke, but it's very serious when the person says, "You know, you made me angry, you drove me out of myself." So I always say the same thing, I say, "But I don't understand, when you are in yourself, I know where you are, but when you are out of yourself, where are you?" "I am out of myself." No, it's interesting. The French language is very precise. Yes. But in the Torah, it's the same thing. When a person is angry, they are not there. That's why we say, we don't try to calm the person when they are angry. Why? Because there is no one there. The "ani" has left, once again, it has gone into nerves, it has gone into stress, it has gone into arrogance, it has gone into rigidity, it has gone into heaviness, it has gone into identification. Yes, but my father also never changed. Okay, but your mother hanged herself. That's true. Okay. So that means that sometimes we are condemned in a single word, yes, to change or not? No, no, no. Yes, it's rigidity, fossilization of the brain, calcification. There are people whose brains become a part of their skull. That means their brain becomes a bone. So, when you speak, you say, "I feel like I've hit a bone." Because it's... Yes.

Now, what is exactly the opposite of maturity? Because what is maturity? Well, it's existential flexibility, it's the ability to adapt, it's incomprehension, it's the possibility of change. So, what does that mean? It means that there is a part of us that is fixed, which is generally the most external part, the one that is linked to reality. And there is a part within us that is in fusion. So, the child part, well, that's the one that can change. We call it in French, "potential." Yes. And in Hebrew, it's called the "lev," it's the heart. And there is the "ani" (the self), this is the inner self, and there is the outer self, which is linked to reality. So, there are the contingencies of reality. There is time, there is the gaze of others, there is stress, there is the life of my parents, there is pride. All of this, all of this is linked to the outer self. It's called the self that does. Yes. That's why the Sages call it "ma'aseh." So you have understood that there is the self that does and the self that wants. The self that wants is inside, it's called potential, it's called the "lev." And the self that does is outside. It's always going well.

So, normally, existential linearity is when I do what I want. Okay? You're going to tell me, "It wasn't worth going through all this detour to say something so simple." The problem is that people who truly do what they want, we can count them on the fingers of a one-handed person who himself doesn't have many fingers. Maybe he kept one for honor, like that. No, but the idea is this: when a person says, "Three-quarters of people who claim to do what they want are precisely people who are so enslaved by their yetzer hara or their neurosis, it's the same thing." Yes. Who, in fact, don't do what they want. The proof is that afterwards, well, I regret what I did, I regret what I said. It escaped me. I wasn't myself. It's too difficult, I have impulses, I don't understand them. I don't know what's happening to me. My mind was elsewhere. So you see that your inner self, which is supposed to want, doesn't exist. Are you following me? I don't know, you're not reacting. No. Ah, I forgot to tell you something very, very important because I feel it, it's disturbing me. Stop thinking about someone else. [Laughter] When I'm talking to you, it's talking to you, but I feel it, you're thinking about someone else. [Laughter] You're saying, "Too bad the course wasn't mixed." The course is for him. "Mamaim" is that the last way to get rid of an opportunity to change is to think that the course is for the other person. It's like going to the gynecologist and saying, "My husband isn't here." Well, no, your husband doesn't come to the gynecologist. Yes, but he's over there. Well, you're over there too. Yes. No, the idea is this: to accept that the course is for the people who are in front. Are you following me? No. And if you say, "Yes, but finally, okay, and sometimes we feel that it's not calibrated correctly." I'll tell you a secret, but it stays between us. It's really because we are very good friends, and well, let's say, we are very good friends, but it's not a big deal either. Yes. I actually do the course for myself. You are attending my personal states of soul. Why? Because if I put myself in the position of a master and you as students, and you haven't understood anything, and I am above the situation, you won't change because Benchetrit said, "The best encouragement to existence is existence." To exist is to be outside. To be outside is to move from potential to real. Okay? So if you want the other to exist, you have to exist yourself. If you want your children to exist, you have to exist. If you want your spouse to exist, you have to exist. If you want your client to exist, you want your dream to exist, if you want your student to exist, you have to exist. Okay? But if you position yourself as a lecturer and say, "I am magnificent, like three-quarters of people, anyway, it's you who has a problem, it's you who is crazy. Go to the psychologist, go see your rabbi. I am very well." You say, "But then what are you doing on earth? Since you have nothing to do." Normally, people who cannot be better die, and people who cannot be worse die because they start to harm others. So if you are alive, it means you can do better or worse. Ah, why are you doing nothing? Look at the fossil. There are people like that, they have rotten ideas. Besides, we say it, there are real skeptics and false skeptics. Still no reaction. I need jokes to know if you are with me. No, because sometimes out of respect, you nod your head like this, but you don't understand anything, but you say like this, a bit like the plastic dog at the back of the R12, for those who remember. It shakes. Yes. So you shouldn't be, you shouldn't be the dog at the back of the car. That means you shouldn't be in reaction and reality, you should be in decision. But for that, there must be someone inside who is sophisticated enough, built enough, who has enough confidence, enough happiness, enough joy, and enough faith to say, "I." Okay? And when the "I" masters the "want," and when this "I" influences the external "I" that does, it's called "I do what I want." That's what is commonly called normality. It's to be normal, in fact. Yes. In fact, it's to be balanced. It's to be happy. It's to be well. Yes. Or or no. Yes, I think one thing but I say another. Well, I pretend to be smiling and happy and tanned, but I have many problems in my life, in my head. I'm unhappy, I'm going to suffer, I'm going to die, I'm going to croak. I'm trying to die, so you'll be coherent. No. And then you don't want to, you want victimhood. Ah, you want the other person to take care of you. So, since your "I" is not developed, you want the other person to replace your "I." So these are people who haven't learned the rules of the game. The game, still no. When you are with me, yes, then we can go very, very far in reasoning and very, very far in personal therapy. If you are not here because you say, "Well, he came late, and besides, it's complicated, rabbis impose faith, that's not it at all." My project is to make you gain 10 years of maturity in 1 hour. Besides, I saw that Rav Yicha is a bit in this school. It's normal, a bit, because he started with me. But but it's good, it's good that you understand that life is lived only once and that every hour has value. Every second has value. Yes. And that in one minute you can change your mind. So if the Torah explains how the mind works, you can use it. So this is "Or Adash." It's not Freud. Understand that he thought you had to sleep with your sister to love your mother. It's not Einstein who had a completely disorganized sex life. Yes. It's the "Rav Kadosh." Yes. And the "Rav Kadosh" suddenly gives you a lesson in psychology, in fact. Yes. It's that you, within yourself, develop a mind, you develop a thought, and that can act on the other before you open your mouth. Why? Because, once again, "Vayigash" means he approached, so it's the approach you have. You're going to go into a client meeting. What's on your mind? You're going to talk to your husband, what's on your mind? You're going to approach your son? Well, he made a big mistake. What do you do? You say, "Wait, you are a mother, you are an adult, you are mature, you also made the same mistakes when you were young." So what are you going to do? You're going to wage the same war as your parents who yelled, who yelled. So, as a result, you were put in a victim role, you lost 15 years understanding that your parents wanted your good. Yes. And they took 15 years to understand that they shouldn't have yelled. 15 years lost.

As I see people, they want to divorce, they can't divorce. Well, good. No, because you are not married. You can't get married like fools and divorce like idiots. There should be a little light between the two, perhaps. Yes, I understand. Yes. But the problem is that there are only two possible states in life. Two. There are only two solutions. Either you will be a servant of God, or you will be a servant of the yetzer hara. I say, "Yes, but anyway, I'm not religious." Well, besides, you're stupid. Well, I repeat. Yes. Either you will be a servant of God, and the servant of God must be intelligent, must be balanced, must be true, must be sincere, must be comfortable in his own skin. That is part of the service of God. As the opposite, the other is a servant of the yetzer hara. So, since he is a servant of the yetzer hara, then the yetzer hara replaces his personality. So he has no choice. So he is in reaction. So he is in immaturity, he is in susceptibility, he is in superficiality, he is in the epidermal dimension of his person, who is no one, because he is no one, because his person is the yetzer hara, whether he wants it or not. So, in truth, this is the idea: we must finally understand that all psychiatric illnesses are degenerations of psychological illnesses, which themselves are degenerations of bad character traits, because you have replaced your "I" with the yetzer hara. So everything you experience is only the fruit of constant immaturity, which is the lack of adaptation to a reality that you have refused. You must now get a doctorate in psychology in one sentence. Did you understand or not? Because what is maturity? Maturity is the resonance of intelligence. What is intelligence? It is adaptation. In philosophy, intelligence is the ability to adapt. Now, when I adapt to a situation, the effort of adapting by resonance creates maturity in me. Okay? So now, when I don't adapt, because I send my nerves, I send my fear, I send my anger, I send my stupidity, then I am not confronted, okay? So my anger grows, but my intelligence decreases. How then can we find 40-year-old people who react like little girls, like little boys? Not long ago, a woman didn't listen to me. I have a very, very big conflict with my husband because, well, I was upset because I have the Brit Milah of my fourth daughter, and I couldn't find the nail polish that matches the color of my suit, and so I was upset, and I didn't even want to go to the Brit Milah. Okay? These are serious problems that happen. People don't call me for nothing. [Laughter] I said, "So what's the problem?" My husband says, "Listen, darling, when you have four daughters, three of whom are anorexic, the problem is not the nail polish." And we argued about that. You called me. I became the toilet bowl. All the world's problems fall on me. Yes. I said, "But it's a way of speaking. The reality is much more serious." I said, "But madam, do you know you have anorexic children?" No. Interesting. Denial of reality. And you, do you know that your wife is very beautiful? Yes. She is also stupid. Yes. She is even more stupid than beautiful. Yes. And she is very beautiful. In a movie, she could play both roles, Beauty and the Beast. Yes. Now you chose her for her moral qualities, and now you say, "Yes, like a little girl?" That's what you wanted. No, because you wanted to dominate her, and in addition, you felt that by her existing, she prevented you from existing. So you said, "I'll take someone who doesn't exist." The problem is that someone who doesn't exist also has the flaws of their qualities. So if she is very, very beautiful, she has the flaws included, because someone who is moderately beautiful makes an effort to improve her character traits, but someone who is beautiful, by smiling, can charm even her physics teacher, so she doesn't need to improve her beauty, her intelligence.

So, have you read the psychology book written by Claudia Schiffer? No, not that either. It's normal, you haven't written a book. Yes. So, no, it's very, very important to understand that the major flaw of the reality we live in is that reality resembles us. And that's what we reproach it for. But the goyim have an expression for this. They say you have to look in the mirror. When you look in the mirror, don't take it badly, I don't want to underestimate your intellectual abilities, but have you noticed that when we look in the mirror, in 98% of cases, the reflection only represents the person in front of the mirror? Okay? Tell me if I'm going too fast. I know, it's very abstract, it's hard to understand. You'll say, "Well, it's obvious." No, it's not obvious because three-quarters of people, when they look in the mirror, they see someone else because they blame others. So, you see that the reflection is not the representation of the person in front. Uh, he blames his mother, he didn't give love. The other blames his father for not breastfeeding him. Yes. The other blames the rabbi who didn't encourage him. The other blames the professor who gave him a bad grade. One day, God willing, one day when you look in the mirror, you will see yourself in front. You will start, you will begin the real problem, you will begin the real question, and the beginning of the question is the beginning of the answer. So the beginning of the problem is the beginning of the solution. But if you are already in denial of being the cause of the problem, then how will you be the cause of the solution? So you have to accept being the cause. In English, it's easy. It's "cause." Either the cause. "Buse." Yes. Perhaps not, I am not the cause. Oops, that has nothing to do with it. I am not concerned. I say, "I believe it," but in two words. Finally, after that, it's concerned. I don't know if it's going well. You are well. There is a lack of reactivity. It must be menopause, I don't know. Did you understand what I'm talking about or not? Yes. When you feel cornered, it's often because you are the one concerned. Now, you shouldn't feel cornered. What is it? We are in a situation. Yes. Well, you are here, I am here, a problem arises. God sent it, and we will act, we will do what is necessary. Why do you feel bad? Oh, it's again because of me, always on my head, I'm fed up, and I live it very badly, and that creates complexes and discomforts for me. But no, it's a problem of faith and coherence. Do you believe in God? No. Yes. No. No. So no. Because if you believe in God, you accept that the reality in front of you is adapted to you. Okay? That's faith. Okay. So you never complain then, since it's adapted. Ah, what is this husband? Why can't I lose weight? The apartment isn't selling. It's hot in Florida, it's cold in Florida. Why are you complaining since it's adapted? So I'll start again. Do you believe in God? No, it's not a question. It's an interrogative formulation that puts you in an intelligent situation to reflect, because you have to ask yourself the question. There was a great rabbi who was our rabbi, who was our yeshiva, and every day, every day he said, "Do I see God?" But how did he write the Shulchan Aruch? The guy did a 10-year correction. He's known in Jerusalem? Yes, yes, you're right. But given that faith is a relationship of maturity with reality, and that reality evolves, you cannot use your faith from 20 years ago for problems at 40 years old. It doesn't work. You are forced to make the person evolve, and like children, when they are 8 years old, you speak in one way, when they are 28 years old, you speak in another way. There is no difference. Well, it's the same with respect. You lower your eyes, you are quiet. Say, "Dad, I'm 28 years old." At 8, you impose. At 16, you negotiate. At 20, 25, you dialogue. Well, I can't. It's not my mentality. We didn't grow up like that in Morocco. So the real problem is that you are unadapted. Do you know why you are unadapted? Because you were not present to adapt. At 8 years old, you take care, you adapt. At 10 years old, you take care, you adapt. At 20 years old, you take care, you adapt. If you don't take care, you don't have the opportunity to adapt. So you don't adapt. Yes, yes, yes. And when you are unadapted, you cannot have maturity, because maturity is the resonance of adaptation. Okay? Since you don't have maturity, you act with immaturity. And what is immaturity? Well, you get angry, you have your tantrum, you don't understand, you fall from high, you fall from the clouds, you are shocked, you transfer guilt, responsibility, it's normal. Why? Because there is no one inside to assume it. Did you understand what I'm saying or not? Once again, I'm not talking about anyone. There is no one inside. Yes, because the word "person" in French means "no one" and "person" like in Hebrew. The word "enosh" means "man" and the word "ayin" means "nothingness." It's the same letter. So if the person has not done everything to be someone, and what is someone? It's unique. So if they haven't done everything to develop their unique self, automatically they will not be unique. Since they are not unique, they will be like everyone else. The problem is that everyone else is no one. You have to explain this well. You have to explain this well to your children or your grandchildren. That when you become like everyone else, you will be no one. Whereas the Torah wants you to be someone. And moreover, that this someone inside should be the same as the someone outside. In French, it's being oneself, the same as oneself. Once again, these are banalities. Yes. These are obvious truths. It's like water that wets and paint that colors. Well, it's this kind of banality that the yetzer hara prevents us from seeing. That is, we are caught up in the sophisticated reflection of Trump's next decision to benefit Iran or to go against the dictators, when in reality, we don't care at all, because it's God who decides. On the other hand, your personal problems of maladaptation that create all your problems of shalom bayit, of mother, of wife, of daughter, and all that, that doesn't interest you. That's not hot, the obvious is what is obvious. So you have to go towards the obvious. I see myself that I have a complex problem, I have to manage it. I see myself that I react extremely sensitively to the remarks of others. I have to reflect. I see myself that I can't make a decision. I'm always telling the other person, "What do you think?" "What would you have done in my place?" "What would you have said?" So that means I don't have a self that decides. People come to me, they ask me, "Rabbi, what should I do?" I say, "I don't know." "But how are you the rabbi?" I say, "Yes, but I'm old, I'm a wreck." [Laughter] He says, "You are like my daughter. My daughter, what do I do for her? I tell her, here's this, here's that. You've taken this into account, tell me how you perceive the situation. What do you see that's good? What do you see that's bad? What do you see as an advantage? What do you see as a disadvantage? What do you see as opportunities? What do you see as suffering? What do you see as discomfort?" And then, I say, "Ah, you haven't talked about this, you haven't talked about that." So, I have objectified her reflection. And then, I say, "Now, you are in a situation where you have all the elements." Yes. And the elements that concern you, and you are the cause. So it's called in French, "en connaissance de cause" (with full knowledge of the facts), and now you will decide. You say, "Yes, but deciding is hard because growing up is suffering." And yes, but growing up is choosing. You have to choose. Listen, I'm having a hard time, honestly, I'm having a hard time. You don't want to decide for me? I am very, very shocked by all these rabbis who decide for people. But there are two problems. First problem is that people haven't lived their lives because God sent them a question, and they ask the rabbi to answer. Firstly. And secondly, the rabbi who was busy answering people's questions never answered his own questions because he was busy. You see traces of immaturity in the rabbis that you say, "Damn, these are country rabbis." No, I have nothing against rabbis, well, competitors. But you have to know that we are all in the same boat, that we must work on ourselves, we must grow, we must work on our yetzer hara, we must work on our character traits, we must absorb our Torah, we must become... it's all the same. The beard doesn't change anything, it's the same for everyone. Okay?

So, in this spirit, once again, the Sages tell us an extraordinary innovation: that if in your mind, okay, you have developed a feeling contrary to your nature, because Judah's nature would have been to hate Joseph after all he did. He said, "Not only will I not hate him, I will love him." Here there are two things. Firstly, he fought against hatred, which is enormous. Secondly, he developed love against the current. And thirdly, this upheaval that he caused within himself, which was enormous, had a mirror effect on Joseph, who believed he was a gentile who wanted to make him suffer, and who decided to reveal himself as Joseph, and the situation changed. Are you following me or not? So sometimes you are desperate with a child, now he is convinced that you don't love him, and you say, "Listen, I have good reasons not to love him because he keeps disappointing me." Now, if you fight against this hatred, well, not this hatred, but this form of rejection, and you say, "I will love him anyway, I love him unconditionally, I don't calculate, I don't do that stuff, he's my son, I don't care what the school says, what the psychologist says, what the doctor says, I will be 100% with him." Suddenly, by rebound, he says, "I, too, well..."

Listen, I want to work at school, but I don't do it for my mother, I don't do it for my father, I do it because I really want to do it for myself. What's interesting is that you ended up doing it for yourself, and he's doing it for himself. It's the mirror effect at school in geometry, so it's symmetry. You do one thing on one side, you do the same on the other side, but it's symmetry, all of life is symmetrical. That's what he said. He said, "Like water, face to face." You see the only difference, and this is interesting, is that in the reflection, the image is reversed. Are you aware of that, huh? A bit like in the card. Have you seen the card, the King of Hearts? Yeah. There's a king, but he's cut in half. And at the bottom, what is there? A king, but he's upside down. Yeah. I'll give you a little personal perception that only concerns me. At worst, I'm right. Yeah. The Aleph. Do you know the letter Aleph? How is it written? With a Vav and two Yods. But one Yod is upright and one Yod is upside down. But the Yod is the Chochmah. Yeah. Well, it's too far to explain to you. Trust me. Yeah. So, and it's also the first letter of the name of Hashem, with which he created the world. And there's a Yod upright, that's the Aleph, and there's a Yod upside down. And what is the Vav? Yeah, it's the link, Z-V-Z-V. Every time you have a link with someone, yeah, your Chochmah sees the other's Chochmah upside down. Yeah, but in truth, you know it's upside down. Why? Because you're looking at it in the mirror. But if you put yourself in his point of view, suddenly, the Chochmah is upright. Do you realize? I was 15 years old, I was young. Well, but I wasn't normal, I was a bit, I thought a lot because 9 hours of philosophy a day is a lot at that age. It was foosball, Saint-Étienne, Guingamp 4-0. Really very, it's a high level. It's just above the grass, by the way. Because many stopped in the grass. But the idea was what? It was to say that when you're arguing with someone, when you're in conflict with someone, when you're discussing with someone, how do you know if you're objective or not? That people change my opinion when they have their opinion. We don't have the same opinion. Is that true? No. Okay. How do you know who is right? Who is telling the truth? How do you know? The only way, listen carefully, it's a bit violent because I was 15, but you, thank God, you're not there anymore. The only way to know if you're objective in a discussion is if you're capable of arguing in the other person's direction. You say yes, he says no. Okay. Now he has an argument for no. Okay. Can you also argue in the direction of no? No, you say, but I can't, it's not my opinion. I'll tell you something. I apologize, I really, when people say I disagree, I see many people say I disagree. Listen, seriously, I disagree, it doesn't bother me, it's true, the right to be stupid is constitutional anyway. Yeah, I said, but I'm young, to disagree, you'd have to be able to agree. Now, when you say you disagree, you disagree with what I'm saying, you disagree with what I think. So, go ahead, explain to me what I think, but I don't know. But argue in favor of what I think, but I don't know. But at least tell me what I think, but I don't know. So, who do you disagree with? So, translation for people who practice flying kites. Yeah, that means you can't disagree with someone with whom you couldn't agree. Is that good or not? Because to disagree, you'd have to be able to agree. Now, I know your point of view, I know your arguments, I know your whole demonstration, and I disagree because of this, this, and this. Okay? So, since I know what you think, I could agree. But I have another point of view, and here's my demonstration. So, when we put the two points of view together, what we call dialectic, okay? At that moment, we decide not to agree. So, to be able to disagree, you'd have to be able to agree. Is that still okay? Yes. No. Yes. Yes. So, I ask the question. If to be able to disagree, you'd have to be able to agree. So, it means we can agree. Yes. Ah, why don't we agree? And yes, yes, yes. Did you understand the idea or not? This is where you see that psychiatry intervened in the reasoning, what we call the ego. Because you got offended, because you don't care about the truth, because you need to be right. Because you feel that if you admit you didn't understand, well, you look stupid, but that has nothing to do with intellect. That's fine. But then, if you're not capable in your thinking of separating reflection from emotions, intellect from psychology, how do you make choices in life? How do you manage a conflict? How do you manage discomfort with a child? How do you manage your body? Did you understand or not? Because you are not in control of your decision-making center, which is called your deep self. That's why when I was young, I was very afraid of being a "C." Very afraid of being what? A "C," a convinced person, a concerned person, a taxpayer. You'll find a common factor. Yeah. So that's why I thought a lot. I say 9 hours of thinking a day, and not in books, mind you. I was afraid of philosophers. When I saw that Aristotle died in a brothel, I thought, he's going to teach me about life. So I understood that I had to develop my own philosophy. So I thought a lot. Then, when I got to my final year, I talked to the teacher about things from my head. He told me, "But that's G, that's Oppenheimer, that's Plato." I said, "I don't know, I don't want to have problems with the neighbors." I'm not telling you this to say I'm a star, I'm just telling you that someone of average intelligence who invests a lot in the hope of not being a loser, and a loser is the opposite of intelligent, and intelligence is adaptability. So, the loser, the one who is maladapted. But when you're maladapted, well, you get married, you're maladapted. Shalom Bayit, you have maladapted children. Ah, well, they annoy you, they make noise, it's too much. Yeah. You do business, you're maladapted, well, you don't understand the client. Or you do shady deals to get the result you want. So you go to prison. All this why? Because you're maladapted. Did you understand or not? That means all the problems we have in life come from maladaptation, which is itself called in French, maturity, immaturity. And what do we call the mature person? In the language of the Torah, the Tzaddik. Yes, because the Tzaddik had to develop his fear of God, but he also had to develop his intelligence, his finesse, his decision-making power, and the part of him that is himself, and the part of his fears, and the part of his neuroses. So, that's what a Rasha is: someone who is entirely subject to inner impulses that do not come from him and that he cannot control. It's like I'm talking for the sake of talking. Did you understand the idea or not? It's powerful. Think. You have to think. That's the purpose of life. Well, I can stop talking. So, you understood something extraordinary: Joseph and Judah went against their nature. And that's what turned the situation around. So, he told it, he's waiting for me to speak. She's waiting for me, she's waiting for me. Well, it could have been blown fuses. Well, and he was sent very young. So, the idea is what? Is that one day he told it like this, that there were two brothers. There was one brother who was jealous of another, really jealous. He held a grudge, as they say in French. And what did he do at the time? There were the cantonists, these were people taken by the Russian army. They would leave, stay in the army for 20 years, and when they left, they were ruined, they became beggars, they had nothing left. And what did he do? This one who was jealous, he went and he... No, it didn't take 20 years. He denounced the second one. Yeah. And the other one was caught by the army. He left for 7 years. Okay. So he lost his life. After 7 years, he was saved, a miracle. He came back alive. He came back to Yishuv. Yeah. And the Rosh Yeshiva knew what had happened. He knew that this one was jealous. He knew that he had denounced him to the army, and because of that, the other one did his years in the army. He went to see him, and he saw that the one who had been denounced not only didn't hate him, but on the contrary, he was taking care of him. He was doing good deeds for him, he was doing good for him. He said, "This one, I have to talk to him." He asked him, and he said, "But I don't understand, you know it was he who denounced you to the army?" He said, "Yes, I know." He said, "And you, you don't have any resentment?" He said, "No. On the contrary, I want his well-being. I'm looking for opportunities to do good for him." The Rav heard this. He said, "You are a king, you are a king." Yeah. Because the king is the one who masters the slave within him, the servant within him, the child within him. That's an adult. Yeah. He said, so he said, "Just as we say that when Joseph and Judah were facing each other, it was said, 'King facing King.'" So the commentators say, "I don't understand, Joseph was king of Egypt, but Judah was king of what?" He was a king of himself. He was king of himself. Okay. And in relation to that, that's why, since he was a king, in 100% mastery of himself, he managed to switch the situation. That's good. But on the other hand, we'll say, we need to find a solution, Maimonides, we need to find a solution. This is destabilizing. Excuse me, because here, I need 200% of your attention. If I lose 80%, it's not a big deal in truth, but otherwise, next time I'll do entertainment, I'll sell you soap. But if we want to do real work, we have to do it with concentration. But you have the... I do this, people sometimes take it badly. What can I do? Maybe I'll quit this job. Uh, what's important is that all this happened in the "machshava." That is, in his head. I don't know if you understand, there was no investment, no influence, no arguments, no manipulation, nothing. Nothing but in his head. Yeah. Oh! Why is it like this? From there, you see an incredible thing called the power of thought. Now, the word "machshava" in Hebrew means thought. Okay? But the word "machshava" comes from the verb "archov," which means to think. It also comes from the word "chov," which means important. So, I'll summarize for you because we don't have time. When do you know that you think what you think? For example, I'm speaking now, I'm telling you what I think, okay? Shalom, I would not allow myself to tell you something I don't think, okay? Now, what does it mean to think something? It means something that I have internalized within myself through a long process of learning, that this thing has become an intimate conviction within me 100%, otherwise I don't speak. It's like if I read something in a book, but it's a crazy "kri'at shema." It's a crazy "kri'at shema." But if I don't think it, I don't say it. Give an example. You know that children don't do what we say, they do what we think. Okay? So, if you say to your daughter, you say to your daughter, "My daughter, your skirt is too short." What is this neckline? She looks like a street girl. Okay. Now, the daughter sees that you walk around in a slit skirt. So, since you tell her one thing and you don't do it, it means that deep down, you don't think it. And the child doesn't hear what you say, she hears what you think. So, if you haven't done the work of internalizing what you think, when you say it, the child hears nothing. Then you say, "She doesn't listen to me, she's not right." Yeah, she's twisted, she's messed up in the head, she doesn't listen to me. But no, the child cannot hear the inconsistency because inconsistency means that you are not living what you think. So, when you don't live what you think, you don't say what you think. And since you don't think what you think, it doesn't work. Like a guy told me, "Yeah, my wife left home, what should I do?" I said, "But it's very simple, you call her, you tell her you love her." He said, "But I don't stop." I said, "Listen, are you alone in the room?" He said, "Yes." Tell me, do you love your wife? He said, "No, no, it's interesting. No, on a zoological level, the guy is dying because his wife left home. Yeah. But he doesn't love her. Now, he's been told he has to say, 'I love you, I love you.'" So, he says, "I love you." But strangely, she doesn't feel it, she doesn't feel that he loves her. That's why she left. Understand? And what does he do? He keeps repeating. But by repeating, repeating, repeating, in the end, it becomes unbearable. Okay? No, because one competent person is fine, but two. So, what does that mean? It's useless to tell someone "I love you" if you don't think it, it doesn't work. It's useless to try to explain something to a child that you yourself haven't understood, because they won't understand what you yourself haven't understood. Yeah. It's useless to try to convince a client of the value of a product when you yourself think it's rotten. It won't work. Yeah. It's useless to tell the client, "I'm here for you, I'll help you. Uh, I'll give you the best of myself." When in reality, you don't care, you're only thinking about their money. Strangely, at the end of the negotiation, he says, "Listen, I need to think." Why? Because you, you were... No, you're a salesperson, you say, "Listen, madam, listen, madam." She says, "Yes, I want a straight skirt." "Listen, madam, I have straight skirts, I can sell you straight skirts. Yeah, I have the color, everything you need. But excuse me, you have hips, it doesn't suit you, it doesn't suit you, it doesn't suit you." "Ah, but how are you talking to me? You're not a salesperson." I say, "Whatever you want. It's like my sister asked me. I'm telling you, it doesn't suit you." So, the girl says, "So, what should I do?" So, she says, "Look at this model, it has a special cut, tac, it fits her perfectly, tac. Oh my, oh my, oh my, but it's... Oh, I've never been like this. All my life, all my life, I thought that..." Then she brings her friends, her brothers, her sisters, $20,000 in turnover, based on what? On the franchise, which is itself the fruit of coherence, which is itself the expression of sincerity. And you understood that being yourself pays off? Did you understand? The world is like people, I don't dare tell him, I don't dare tell him, I don't dare tell him, I don't dare tell him. So, you don't tell him. Yeah. So, he understands nothing. He says, "Yeah, but he should understand. If he really, he should understand." I say, "You have to tell him. He's the best doctor in the world, the best doctor, $18,000 a consultation. If you don't tell him where you hurt, he doesn't know. You're still paying him, it's expensive." When you tell your husband, "I don't like this thing, I don't like it. Listen, no, do as you want. If you want to keep doing it, do it. Anyway, it's your sexuality because you're doing it alone." Yeah, but I don't like it. So, it's hard to say because there are things that are embarrassing. A form of modesty. But no, modesty means it's no longer the time to do it. There's no more time. Whereas happiness is arriving at the right time, and that's happiness. Speak French, no? Have you never noticed that the word "bonheur" (happiness) is written as two words: "bonne heure" (good hour)? What is the good hour? The hour, by the way, "bonne" is "tov" in Hebrew, it's "shavah," but "shavah" is happiness because we say "tovah." But no, it means happiness. Happiness is the hour. The hour is time. The relationship with time, well, what is it? It's being. Yeah. And when being is well, it's called well-being in French. Now, being is a relationship you have with reality. Reality is time. So, when you are at the right time, yeah? That is, you are in a state of adequacy with the reality that presents itself to you, whether it's good or bad, that's called happiness. Okay? But what do people do? Ah, it's not the moment, it's too much, I'm not ready, and I don't want to, and it annoys me. And who said that it concerns me? Reality is there. Who put it in place? God. So, God made a mistake. But you are clever, you are "hachama." You did 2 years of psychology. Well, you stopped because you were lazy. But still, you did 2 years of psychology studies. Phew! You want to be more "raram" than God, more "raram" than Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, more "raam" than the Midrash. You know, intelligence is also recognizing your abilities. That's good. Yeah. So, in this logic, what you truly are is what you are in the depths of your heart. And what is your heart? It's not your emotions or the muscle, it's the center of the person. Merkaz Adam. Yeah. When we say "the heart of the problem," you understand that the problem doesn't have a heart. The heart of the fruit, you take a pear, you cut it in half, does blood flow out? No. Yet, this pear that you have married, you have broken its heart. Well, it's not a big deal. Yeah. Did you understand the idea or not? So, the heart is the center. The center is the place of decision, and that's where the "machshava" is. So, he will say, a "virou," a man all his life, a woman all her life, she fabricates her "machshava." That means what you truly think. What you think is true. Truly. Yeah. That's your thought. Now, you need to know that thought, well, it's your definition, and it forms the essence of your being. And in addition to that, the Ramban says that the seed is made 99% of thought. So, the seed is not made with what you believe, with what you want, with what you desire, with what you wish, with what you hope, with what you pray for. It is what you are. So, children resemble what? Their intimate conviction. You say, "Yes, but I had other plans. I saw things differently." You can't cheat because the seed is like blood. There's DNA in it. Yeah. If they find your DNA at a crime scene, you say, "I don't care, I'm the commissioner's cousin." You'll go to prison, there's your DNA. You can't cheat with DNA. DNA is the gene. When there's a gene, there's no more pleasure. Furthermore, what is DNA? D-N-A, Aleph-Dalet-Nun, with the Yod of Adonai. Adonai, there's nowhere to go. You say, "No, but I have another approach. I have a more philosophical vision, no." The DNA of a person is their essence. The DNA of the Torah of thought is the Torah. The DNA of the world is the One. Or the DNA of numbers is 1. Because 1 in physics is balance. In mathematics, the absolute value of 1 is 1. So, you understood that in truth, that's DNA. But you can refuse. You can say, "I disagree, I have my vision of things, I see things differently. I think we need to be more open, we need to be cooler, we need to have female rabbis, uh, uh, we need to marry gay people, it's not a big deal. You have the right to think, you have the right to speak, you even have the right to fart. You see, freedom is beautiful, isn't it? No, it's true. No, it's called "sex primé," except here, sex is "primé." Okay? Because guys, they go to the word because they are at the word. So, yeah. So, but the idea is this: it's not because you have the right to speak that it's called "emet" (truth). Now, everyone is faced with this choice. Am I more religious, less religious? Am I more coherent, less coherent? Am I more essential, more superficial? Yes, but be careful because all of this is the atmosphere, the community, the club, the spa, the tea room, the laughter. But one day, you'll reach 120 years old in front of God, and He'll say, "So, what do you think?" You'll say, "Wait, I'll ask my girlfriends." Which girlfriends? I'll ask my influencer. Which influencer? She has no brain. Okay. It's not because you're a woman that you have to be stupid. I've had women who were much more intelligent than me. By the way, mine was much more intelligent than me. Now, I was much more sophisticated than her intellectually, but in terms of life intelligence, she was a million kilometers ahead of me. So, what's the point of being very intelligent if you make mistakes in your decisions? If you make mistakes with your children, if you don't make the right choices, what's the point of dictating philosophy lectures if you don't have life intelligence? Are you following me or not? So, that's why you have to work on your "machshava." But then, what is "machshava"? It's not intellect. I cut my hair short and I understood that in truth, the perception of the existence of the other should not be an aggression, because I understood that there is room for everyone. Stop, stop the philosophy, stop, you risk becoming intelligent. Yeah. No, it's that in fact, you only know that you think what you think if you live according to what you think. For example, you have your girlfriend, she's your girlfriend, it's good, she's Jennifer. You, it's Alexandra, it's Jennifer. Jennifer, my daughter, my life, my soul, Jennifer. Ah, my girlfriend, my sister, we've known each other since kindergarten. You are my life, you are my sister, you are my blood. What a declaration of love! Well, you call her. Well, so, you're giving birth, you say, "Listen, listen, darling, my husband is in Venezuela, and I can't find a Uber, and I'm giving birth. Can you come, please? You have your license, I don't. Take me and bring me to the clinic." And the other one says, "Listen, excuse me, I'm sorry, but you understand, the Eurovision is live, I'm afraid of missing it with the time difference, and I'll know the result tomorrow morning. I won't have attended the emotion of the present moment." Well, you're a bit disappointed, honestly. Well, but it's not a big deal. What's serious is that, listen carefully, you thought she was your friend, but she's not your friend. Be careful, be careful, there's something more insidious psychiatrically: she thought she was your friend, and she wasn't. Because when do you recognize friends? When you need them, they are there. So, that means, listen to me, that means that for years, she thought she was your friend, but in fact, she didn't think what she thought. So, when do you know that a person thinks what they think only when they live what they think? Like, if you say, "Is modesty important?" Yeah, of course. "Are you modest?" No, honestly, it's hot. Well, you're not modest, it's not a big deal, you wear short skirts in the summer. No, in Morocco, we didn't wear them. Okay, you cover your head. No, it gives me pimples. It's not me, my grandmothers got married at 14. They didn't uncover their hair until their death. Yeah, but that's exaggerated. It was another era. Thank God, today, we are "goyim" and it's going very well. No, they covered their heads until their death. Yeah. Now, what's strange is that they, they covered hair that could have been uncovered because they had very beautiful hair, don't believe it. And their grandchildren uncovered the Torah to people for whom it was veiled. It's a physical law. Nothing is created, nothing is lost, everything is transformed. So, you thought they were backward from mythology, when in fact they invested in the future. They put "kedushah" (holiness) into themselves, which was inscribed in their children, which is inscribed in their grandchildren. That's called investment. Hmm. The other one bought apartments, and thank God, now he lives in a long studio in Givat Shaul. In fact, it's called a tomb. A tomb. A long studio. [Laughter] The guy has 1000 square meters in Miami Beach with a sea view, and there, he's underground with a view of the earth. You say, "That's distressing." We're all going there, aren't we? Are you aware of that? No, I know, as late as possible, but it's true. Do you understand what I'm saying or not? No, I don't want to think about that, I don't want to think about that, but I advise you to think about it because later, when you're there, it's for eternity. You say, "No, but I'm not going to stay there, I'm going to go." Okay, you're going to go based on what? Based on your level of proximity to the spiritual, to the divine. But if you're just meat, the meat stays in the hole, it turns into earth. You say, "But what you're saying is serious." But I don't care, I'm saying it, you think it and you live it. They call me "the bottle opener" in Paris. It wakes up the frozen "penim" (inner self) but it feels good. It's called "et" and in "et" there is "ma." So, you know what's a shame? It's not dying, it's dying while alive. While alive. That is, the person is alive but dead. You'll make up with your husband, forget it, it's dead. Do you want me to... We'll talk to your son? Ah, he doesn't listen to me, it's dead. Well, you want to do something else in business? Forget it, it's dead. Well, you want to do "teshuvah," you want to improve? No, no, no. My father never did "teshuvah." Okay, but your mother hanged herself, that's also true. Okay. So, all of life is like that. All of life is an opportunity to be alive or to be dead. That's what's in the Torah. Yeah. I have placed before you life and death. Or no, there are people who choose death. How do we exist? Well, actually, it's a bit complicated, but we'll do "ma'asim" (deeds), okay? And these "ma'asim," these acts, they are the expression of our existence, since we are going to exist, we are going to... Yeah. But the project, listen carefully to what I'm telling you, it's not what you produce, it's what you become thanks to what you have produced. For example, the guy studied for 10 years, okay? He filled notebooks, he took exams, he filled notebooks, he took exams, he filled notebooks, he took exams. In the end, what do they look at? That he is a doctor. He is a doctor. But when he's naked in the mikvah, you can't tell if he's a doctor or if he's a construction painter. You say, "But I have all my notebooks." You're not going to come with your notebooks every time to prove you're a doctor. So, listen carefully, what you did was fill the notebooks. What you became is a doctor. The project is to become, not to do. So, you need "ma'asim." But the "ma'asim" you do, in truth, they will have a resonance on your "machshava." Why? Because first you think something, then you apply it. When you apply it, it proves that you think it. So, you become your thought. It's written in the Torah. Why does the Torah always talk about the heart? Why? It's not the heart, again, emotions, it's not crying out at night, Gabriel. No, that's something else. That's a syndrome called Johnny. No, no, the heart is your interiority. Yes. Now, I'll summarize. Yeah. Because I don't know, I... Since there's no limit. For me, it's 7:30 in the evening. So, yeah. So, listen carefully to what I'm telling you. Everything we work on consciously is to penetrate the subconscious. Are you following me or not? No. For example, you have a child, it can happen. It's a cyclical journey, it's called pregnancy. Well, you have this daughter, she's here, she's born, and go change the diaper, and she'll be there, and change, she has a reflux problem, and you pick her up, and for hours and hours. There, and then she grows up, and you, you carry her, and you accompany her, and then you take her to school, and then she has a fever, and you help her, then you, and then I don't know, you, you make her grow up, and you follow her in her schooling, then in her adolescence, and in her late adolescence. What did you do for 20 years? You took care of her? Well, what did taking care of her cause? She says, "But I took care of her because I'm her mother." Ah, no, you became her mother because you took care of her. The proof is, she's not your daughter. Well, the year your sister died like that, she had a daughter. People told you, "Well, listen, we'll put her in..." You said, "No, I'll take her." So, you took care of her for 20 years. For her, now she's 20 years old. When you ask her, "Who is your mother?" she says, "My mother is here." Your mother is the one who took care of you. So, you became her mother by taking care of her. So, even your own daughter, you became her mother by taking care of her. Are you still following? Now, how do you know that she is your mother? It's very simple and it's harsh. Are you well? Are you psychologically fragile? Are you solid? I always tell the story...

the same story. For those who have already heard it, it doesn't matter. Me too, I attend all my classes. So there's the mother, she's here in Miami. Yeah. And her daughter, she's in Paris. She's married to a Frenchman. There. What am I telling you? He's going back to Egypt. So she's over there and the mom can't stop listening, she says to her husband Maurice, we have to call Myiam. No, no, he's not, he's 6 hours away, no, we have to call her. I can't stop thinking about her, once, twice, three times. Besides, I have a stomach ache. I don't feel well. We have to call. Oh dear, what a Jewish mother. They call, she's giving birth, the daughter has to leave her mother. They call that maternal intuition. I'll tell you why? Because you've practiced your daughter so much that the daughter has entered your heart. Yeah. But at the same time, if the daughter has truly done her duty of Kibouavaim, the mother has entered the daughter. That's why people, when they see the daughter, they say "You're not the daughter of so-and-so." Yes. Oh, yet they don't resemble each other at all. The other one is tall and thin and the other one is... Yeah. Why? Because it's called the mirror effect. She enters you and you enter her. Did you understand or not? And well, it's the same in everything. When you give yourself fully as a doctor, you'll have a medical intuition to know what the problem is. We call that siaya, others call it professionalism and experience. But it doesn't change anything. It means that you've practiced medicine so much with all your heart that it has entered your heart. And the heart, you know where it is? The heart is at the end of the month. And the month, where is it? Just before the soul. And the soul sees everything. So when a person sacrifices their ego, which is a lampshade in front of the soul, the soul gives the information that it is beyond time and beyond space. And that requires the sacrifice of the ego. And what do we call the sacrifice of the ego? We call it messirout nefèche. That's messirout nefèche. So when you've sacrificed your ego for the Torah, the Torah speaks to you. When you've sacrificed your ego for the couple, the couple exists. When you've sacrificed your ego for the child, the child develops. Because the true screen of the child is the ego, it's the self. Just as the true screen of yourself is you. So, you are forced to eliminate what is null in you to reveal what is good. So it always goes through a process of elimination. But but at the same time as you eliminate, you will strengthen your deep thought because to succeed in eliminating what is null, your conviction that you are good must be strong. Okay? So the dumbbell, it weighs a lot. You carry it and you carry it and you carry it and your muscle gets bigger and bigger and the dumbbell gets lighter and lighter. Contact with the other is difficult. It's their character, their face, their sighs, their raised eyebrows, their ironic answers, their stubbornness, their rigidity. And you say, "I don't care, I'll fight, once, twice, three times." You've dug the tunnel of contempt and insensitivity, you've entered the sensitive zone. Then, you've passed the sensitive zone, you enter union, communion. And you enter the communion of wills, and that's called love in French, it's a fight. So what have you done here? You've created the link between the two souls, it's called love. There, you've broken through with the child. That's it, now you've created solidarity. Now, you've done the same thing with yourself. I'm telling you, three-quarters of people aren't themselves. So, they have an external person who lives in the eyes of others. There, I'm fine, it's beautiful, it's pleasing. How do you find me? Am I okay? What do you think? Oof, you make a remark, I'm going to die. You give me a compliment, it's extraordinary. And apart from that, is there someone inside? Are you okay? With God's help, do you want to grow? No, no, no, it's fine, it's fine. I have my external representation that does the job, and thank God, it's good. I'm a good actress in the comedy. But you're uncomfortable, you're not happy, you don't do what you want, you don't do what you think, you don't say what you say. It's not a big deal. It's not self-denial. No, it's not self-denial, it's nullity. Yes, that's true too. So, you have to develop the inner self, you have to develop the outer self, and the two must meet. And when the two meet, it means that in your maachava, so in what is important to you, you are well. In French, we say you are comfortable in your own skin. But what does "well" mean? In Hebrew, it's to be whole, and whole in the language of the people is complete. So you are complete because your inner self and your outer self are the same. You are complete because you and your reality are in equation. In agreement? Yeah. Because you and your husband are well. Because you and your children are well. That's it. To be whole is good. Now, once again, all this is to explain to you that it starts in the head. So that means that at that moment, you understood that you are what you think. Now, when you are what you think and the other is what they think, then two essences meet, two mahaschavot. We said that the machava, do you remember, is the main component of the seed. Okay? So when we have sexual intercourse, the two seeds meet. But the seed is charged with who you are. So what happens microscopically at the level of the seed is what happens macroscopically at the level of shalom bait. That's why we tell people, you have to make peace, you have to understand each other, you have to question yourselves, you have to evolve, you have to work on yourselves. No, no, I am who I am, I will never change. Well, that annoys me, she's not happy, and one is lost, they say, to be found. I said it's a shame it's not a mitzvah to be stupid because there would be... I'm tired of listening to idiots. You have an extraordinary wife and six children. You have an incredible husband who has been struggling for your comfort for 30 years, and you argue over trivialities. Oh yes, but I'll explain. Besides, you take me for an idiot. But I see your two yaras, I see your two immaturities, and you want to explain to me that it's the other's fault. But how old are you to keep thinking that you are in the situation and that you are not involved? You are a phenomenon. Oh, but I have nothing to do with it. It's a mistake. Well, listen, we got married too quickly. She told me she was pregnant. Well, it was aerophagia. He told me he was American. He invited me, he was Moroccan. That's all. It's been a mistake from the start. Well, you have to get divorced. Oh, we can't because of the children, we'll wait for them to die. That's a punishment. Yes. You say, excuse me, but I love you all, but life is too short. It's a shame. You can't deny your existence until you're 15. At 15, you get a pimple, you say damn, there's someone behind the mirror. Yes, it's you. At that moment, discovery of the opposite sex. Uh, problem of orientation, I'm doing medicine, I'm doing the yeshiva, I'm doing the seminary. Then you meet your husband, mechanically, of course, we can't touch, we can't fool around. So, we get married, we have a baby, two babies, three babies. Then quickly, you have to pay for the wedding, you have to pay for the building, you have to pay for the... you have to pay for the house, you have to pay for vacation trips, you have to pack the suitcases, and then you reach 45, 50 years old, and then burnout. But burnout from what? Yes, you understand, my therapist explained to me, by the way, I saw that he had designs on me, that I've never been myself. So, what is the tun? Is it to run away from home? No, the tun is to be yourself. So, do you know what it's called to be yourself in therapy? It's called finding balance. Do you know what it's called in the Torah? Doing teshuva. It's easy. People think that teshuva is buying a wig, putting on a long skirt, and practicing in front of the mirror. I'm saying it like that. Yes, Christine, it's magnificent. Ah, thank you, teshuva is inside, that's a show, okay, but it's true that it's easier to play a role than to assume your role. So in this logic, we understood that in truth, when you manufacture your thought, yeah. So we understood that maashava is you build your deep thought, you practice. Okay? That is, when you decide, you want to dress modestly, and you dress modestly, and you look for models, and you take it to the seamstress, and you close the slits, and you close the neckline. Yeah. And you put on your wig, you put on your scarf, and it's hot, and it's hard, and your friends make fun of you. But come on, be cool. Look, look how cute the gym teacher is. Do you want to have a quick fling? You say I can't, my grandmother was the tzadeket of Marrakech, I'm going to go into the changing rooms with a horse. The truth is, a mare. Why can't you? Do you know why you can't? Why? Because it's against nature. Did you understand or not? Yes, but it's forbidden in the Torah. Yes, and it's not done. Yes. And besides, even a goy knows she's married. Yes, but you've practiced so much, yeah. You've practiced your marriage so much that you can't cheat because it's impossible. You'll vomit. He approaches. Excuse me, sir, I can't. The other one says she's consuming, she's sinning, she gets pregnant, and then she says, but if I don't wear them, I won't wear them at all. Like a guy told me, it's not adultery, it was just sexual. Well, what else could it be? People are weird. It's just sexual. I don't know if you... Yeah. Like the goyim, the Americans, they go out, they sleep together for 3 months and then he says, "You know, I think I have feelings, do you love me?" "Oh really?" Okay. Who was the animal that was devouring me every day? But the Jews, they get into that way of thinking. Yeah. That I'm selfish and I'm taking advantage, and you give me your body, I give you mine. We're masturbating as a community, in fact, we're pleasing ourselves. Yeah. And then maybe if we're compatible, and maybe if our parents agree, maybe we could possibly consider a marriage with a divorce. in 18 months, no more, no less. That's marriage, and that's your reference. We have Sarou, we have Abraham, we have Isaac, we have Rabbi Kiber, we have Rabbi Kobertsa, and your reference is a crazy woman on TV. We're with the crazy people. You're in a good place here. You know, thank God, you have phenomena. You know that the guy who invented the wisme, which was a total delusion, even he admitted it was false. But since stupidity sells better than wisdom, since there are always more customers for the casino than for the yeshiva, it's normal that it works. But again, I repeat, shouldn't you, on an individual level, still ask yourself the question because it's your life that's passing by. It's your couple, it's your children. What does the Torah say? The Torah tells you again that everything you practice with all your might out of love for Hashem and without any self-interest, it enters your heart. Okay? So what you haven't practiced, you understand, doesn't enter the heart. What you haven't practiced out of love but out of self-interest, that doesn't work either. What you practiced, but not on the... because we used to buy the bread for the afternoon of Passover on the last day. So you didn't do it. Yes, but we have the bread earlier. Well, they didn't understand anything. Yeah. So the problem, listen to me carefully, you are once again, you are you are fine, you are solid. [laughter] I don't know if I should tell you. I'll tell you anyway. Yes. The part of you that will go to the future world is the person you have become. You say, "But I've made so many donations. I've made donations." You will return, God willing, with a certificate of donation, a donation record. Yeah. Besides, you arrive up there, you say, "Here's your share of the inheritance." Well, it's a beautiful palace. You go into the room, there's a guy sitting there, his name is Mathieu. You say, "But Mathieu, what are you doing here?" He says, "Well, listen, I have 66% of your inheritance because you paid it back in taxes." Ah, I hadn't thought of that. Ignorance of the law is no excuse. It's like people who come to see me, they say, "Rabbi, is it normal that there's no communication in the couple?" I say, "I don't know, I don't know your couple, but have you initiated communication?" Ah, not at all. Ah no, I'm not like that, I don't talk, I say nothing. I don't know, we understand each other, we don't understand each other. That's it. No, well, there isn't any then. Well, there isn't any. Well, then why are you coming to tell me it's normal that there isn't any? But normal is normalized. In your couple, it's normalized that there's no communication. So it's normal. Do you understand what I'm saying? Okay. So, in the same way, you go to classes, you observe Shabbat, you observe the holidays, you find yourself, you want to go to the future world. Yes, of course. Tell me, which part goes to the future world? Which one? The skirts, the... What about the wig, is it going to go? You put it in the trash, you say, "If I want this one." The wig. Yeah. No, it's what you've become. How do you know you've become? Because it's not easy. It's hard to change. Yeah. I say, my wife, 40 years of marriage, 40 years of work, 40 years of happiness. Never, at any point, was there an effort to say, "Okay." Did you understand or not? Why? Because effort makes you strong, and when you're strong, there's no more effort. How do you say strong in Hebrew? Gubor. And guubor is a warrior, and warrior is an adult. So if you're an adult, what is it? Adult. Guverte is a lady. Yalda is a little girl. Guverette is a lady. She's a mature woman. Yeah. So if you're mature, you're guévè. If you're guévert, yeah, you're strong. If you're strong, there's no more effort. So all the people who feel like they have to do this, I sighed, to make efforts, it's not because the situation demands it, it's because they don't want to grow. Now, what makes you grow is change. And change is when your deep nature changes. And it's your changed deep nature that goes to the world to come. And where do you measure your changed deep nature? In the fact that you live what you think. Okay? So you want to know if you're married, look at how you react. You want to know if you were good to your parents, not once a year. Look at how you handle your children. If you say, "Yes, but I know I have a weight problem, but I can't resist the cakes." It's not a big deal. But at least eat and enjoy it, because if you enjoy sugar, you'll live to be 82. If you cut out sugar, well, you'll live to be 83. It's a shame because you've been miserable for 82 years because you say, "Oh, I love sugar, I can't eat it, I'm not allowed. Excuse me, I'm not allowed. Ah, I can't. Ah, I can't." They enjoyed it just as much. But if you truly think it's bad for you, you don't miss it, like you don't miss anything, right? Like drugs, you don't miss them. No, pornography either. So you've understood one thing: something that is bad for you, when you've accepted that it's bad for you, you don't miss it. So why does that person miss it? Why do they go every night on... Does it miss them? Why does it miss them? Because they haven't resolved the problem. So that means their kedusha hasn't entered their heart. So they haven't become holy enough to be able to fight against that tendency. So they are attracted. It's like the guy who insults, he insults his wife. Then he apologizes, "Forgive me, my love, it just slipped out." Then the wife says, "I accept your apology, but I have a question. Why does it never slip out with your mother?" Because it's something that is uncontrolled. So the logic is this. It's a logic of conditioning. When you've conditioned yourself to enormous, enormous respect that is linked to enormous recognition, then even by mistake, you can't be disrespectful. Did you understand or not? So it's not the bad word that's serious. What's serious is that it's symptomatic of a problem of awareness of the respect you have for the other. It's all the same. But the guy, he worked, worked, worked, worked on honesty. He refused big deals of deception. He rejected enormous contracts that were fraudulent. The day they offered him a small insider trading deal for $5,000, he couldn't. He couldn't. So you say, "But because it's forbidden." No. Because it's not good. No. Because it's not pretty. No. Why? It's against nature. That means honesty has entered his nature. Yeah. I see people, they tell me, "Rabbi, I forgot to put on my tefillin." How did you forget? Have you ever seen a guy arrive at work without pants? The secretary says, "Excuse me, I think the bottom is missing." Plus, there's no underwear either. I thought, "Oh, there's a serious draft." But you can't go to work without underwear. You walked 35 minutes in the street, you realize everything, you walked down the entire avenue, Fifth Avenue, without underwear and without pants. But that's madness, that's an incredible level of unconsciousness. No, no, that never happens. Oh really? That never happens. Oh really? So how did you forget the tefillin? It means the tefillin haven't entered your heart. Did you understand what I said or not? Yeah. So what does that mean? It means that everything we practice consciously is so that it enters the subconscious. I'll tell this last illustration and then I'll leave you alone because it's been 1 hour and 21 minutes, so half the room must be praying for me to choke. One person said, "I want to mention my grandmother, my mother's mother." Well, both my grandmothers were true tzadeket. Because she was on her deathbed, she was dying and already a bit in a coma, and it was over. Besides, it's very strange because the last thing she asked for before falling into a coma was to go to the bathroom and wash. She said, "I don't want to leave dirty. Look what she was thinking about before she died." Okay? So, she goes into a coma, and one of the granddaughters, well, who is religious, thank God. Well, she's in Jerusalem, it's Shabbat, what does she do? She says, "I'm going to make some herbal tea for grandma." So she takes her Shabbat things, she lights the Shabbat fire in Jerusalem. She takes water, she heats it. Shabbat in Jerusalem, she puts the tea in it. Shabbat in Jerusalem, bichou minator. And then she takes it, she waits for it to cool down a bit, she puts it in the mouth of the grandmother who was in a coma. Yeah. And the grandmother in a coma says to her, she says, "Shabbat is Shabbat. Shabbat." Question for 2 million euros. Which of the two is in a coma? [laughter] The little girl. Mm-hmm. Did you understand the other one? She's 20 years old, she's fully conscious, she's in Jerusalem, in Israel. It's not like she's in Togo in a hut making ambawa. Yeah. And she takes, she lights the fire like this, casually. Yeah. And she heats the water. She sees it boiling. She says, "Ah, thank God, it's working." And she puts the tea in, and still in a coma. And the other one in a coma says, listen carefully to what I'm telling you. That means she had, because my grandmother had a crazy soul, listen to me carefully, she practiced so much, she invested so much, she sacrificed so much for Shabbat, it's done. It's her nature. Shabbat is her nature. Okay? So she can't, even by mistake, even in a coma. Yeah. You see the other one, she takes her car. Shabbat baba. Well, you know where the synagogue is? Ah, come on, let's go. And she sings. She takes her car on Shabbat and she sings. Israel Shabbat. Oy oy oy. There was my grandfather's pawn shop in Marrakech. He was known. Yeah. But it's okay, you don't feel like it, but walk. No, because it hasn't entered his heart. It's entered his habits. It's entered his culture because she's the one organizing the wedding. I'm not telling you to have a wedding, but a wedding for $125,000 just in alcohol. Yeah, but she doesn't do chamal. Maybe the tzadik prefers you to do $100 of hiloula but that you do chamal. Do you understand what I mean or not? Yeah. So, so what does that mean? It means that when it's written "va'yigash," it means that Yehoshua put himself in a mental and moral situation, and it works. You also have husbands, well, one husband, I hope. Yeah. So you put yourself in a mental situation to talk to him, and your children put you in a mental situation to transmit to them, and before you speak, something happens. Well, with Hashem it's the same, you put yourself in a mental situation that you are in front of Hashem, and women even more so, because we men, we need prayer, we need tefillin, we need the synagogue, you don't need it. Yeah, I said it, I studied Halakha Berachot, I practically memorized the 5th chapter that talks about prayer, I studied the Rambam, I studied the Rosh, all the commentaries of the Gemara on the passage of Kavanah, of concentration, I studied the Rambam in Yiddish, okay? Maimonides on concentration in prayer. I studied after the Ra'av on the Rambam, I studied the Chazon Ish on the Ra'av. Yeah. I did rabbinic presentations on Kavanah. I studied the Nefesh Haim, the second part that talks about Kavanah. I studied Kabbalah books on Kavanah, and I haven't reached the Kavanah of my mother. Yeah, who can't read, and who in the morning puts her hand on the mezuzah and prays. Ah, ah. Did you understand the difference? It's that sometimes the sophisticated can distance you from the natural. That's it. So I wish you a lot of happiness, a lot of success, a lot of good. So, just before you go, because that's why I brought my wife's book, it's extraordinary. Okay? So, I was in Ramat Gan two Shabbats ago. A woman told me, "Listen, I read your wife's book. I was touched, I was shocked, I cried throughout the entire reading, but I didn't know her." And then that evening, I slept, and I dreamed of her. So to tell you that the book is very, very powerful. So I recommend it to you. Uh, then, you have the blue book called "The Life." I don't know if you can see it from here. So this one corresponds to about 3 years of therapy. Now, I know you don't need it. Thank God, you all have a coach that you pay very expensively. And then, there's the book called "Method of Use." So, in fact, a coach wrote it because my problem is that the course is very, very dense. Okay? Here, for example, you've listened to the course. Okay. If I can give you one piece of advice, I've recorded it, I'll put it on YouTube. Yeah. If you want, you don't have to. Again, the right to be stupid is constitutional. Leave it for two or three days, let it settle, because the hurricane Yahya has passed through your city. Take the course, listen to it again, noting each sentence, because according to psychologists, you've retained an average of 1.8%. Yeah. So you take your notes again, then you'll have 30-40 pages, then you cut it into 12 sequences, and then you put each sequence into practice for a month, and in a year we'll meet again, I'll come back, and you'll tell me the course from last time, I understood. I'm not exaggerating, psychologists tell me that the course on joy is a year of therapy. The course lasts an hour. And finally, you have the red book. If you don't have the opportunity to do 15 years of yeshiva, but the only advantage you have if you buy it is that I can make a blessing in it. And as the Gemara says, that it's