Transcription
To be an 80s teen was to be completely analog and totally unaware of it. So, whether you're hearing it now or were there at the time, this is what it was really like.
If you believe what you read on the internet, teenagers in the 80s were practically feral, running around free range and drinking out of garden hoses. It's all true. The so-called streetlight curfew meant teens were allowed to be out and about until dark without adult supervision. And if you were a latchkey kid whose parents both worked, you didn't have after-school supervision anyway.
"Okay, baby doll, I'll be home in a couple hours."
"Stay out all night. We got this."
Maybe you'd be riding your BMX bike with your buds or shredding on your Tony Hawk skateboard at the empty swimming pool turned makeshift halfpipe. Life was totally tubular, dude. And with more teens getting driver's licenses, there was freedom to tool around town and to your summer and after-school jobs. Even if you had to borrow your dad's lame station wagon, you could haul your friends to the mall or your favorite fast-food joint for a cheap bite. It was so bad that TV stations had to run PSAs to remind people they even had kids.
"It's 10:00 p.m. Do you know where your children are?"
Eventually though, the potential delinquency of the free-roaming 80s teen caught the attention of lawmakers who started enacting curfew laws for the first time in decades. The thing is, curfews did nothing to curtail teen crime. But the '90s saw the rise of both gang activity and the helicopter parent. So the freedom '80s teens flexed so hard was pretty much history. So much so that these days it's hard to imagine.
So if you didn't know, in the '80s there was no texting. Tragic.
"Okay, if you say so."
Those poor, tragic '80s teens had to resort to passing primitive handwritten notes in class. Didn't go over well with the teacher if they caught you. So '80s high schoolers folded their very important communications into teeny-tiny origami-like rectangles that made them easier to slip to their intended receiver. If you've seen Mean Girls, you understand the slam book. And yes, they were a real thing back in the 80s. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, think of them like a handwritten Facebook feed where friends shared important information, especially their likes and dislikes. Today, TikTokers share videos of authentic slam book culture, as if they've discovered an antiquated form of communication in much the same way '80s teens would learn about the Pony Express and the Telegram.
"That Express rider is going to get there before they think he's going to need some cover."
Of course, phones have always been the preferred form of communicating with your BFFs, but in the 80s, they were attached to the wall. And horrors. Most homes had just one line, which meant siblings and sometimes their parents fought over who got the landline for a marathon chat session.
"Kim, I must use the phone. I've got to call Grandma."
"In a second, Mom."
And just for the record, cell phones did exist. Kind of. Most commonly, they were car phones, and there's no way in the world any '80s teen had one. Lucky teens had a phone in their room, while rich teens had their own private lines, and there was no voicemail. So, if your crush called while your mom was on the phone yapping away, all he got was a busy signal. If you've never heard one, here. You're welcome.
If you were an '80s teen and you had free time, you hit the mall for some face-to-face interaction.
"Being at Old Orchard Mall kind of reminded me of being home in Africa by the watering hole when the animals are in heat. You could just hang out."
Or if you were feeling flush, just hit Guess or Jordache for some acid-wash jeans and a Miami Vice jacket with enormous shoulder pads. The preppies hit Ralph Lauren for polos with collars that popped to go with their topsiders.
"I love your cardigan."
"Thanks. I just got it. Last limited edition. Totally blew my allowance."
And for the early version of the sneakerhead, Nike, Adidas, and Reebok were must-haves. The crew usually stopped by Spencer Gifts, later called Spencers, for runchy gag gift fun. And of course, Sam Goody for the latest LPs and cassettes.
"Hickory Farms samples. What's better than free meat?"
Hanging at the food court meant grabbing something from Orange Julius or Dairy Queen if you're down for something cool, or Hot Dog on a Stick, Sbarro, Chick-fil-A, and Hot Sam pretzels if you wanted hot eats cheap. The food court was also the official unofficial meetup place on Friday and Saturday nights to find out where the parties were. Mall security, ridiculed as "rent-a-cops" by the teens, would usher out the kids at 9:00 p.m. to go party searching. If you missed out, people would be looking for you later.
At the mall movie theater, E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, Ghostbusters, and Back to the Future kept fantasy lovers entertained. Whereas Pee-wee's Big Adventure, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and 16 Candles were there for comedy fans. And if action was your thing, Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, and Terminator were all satisfying and brand new at the time.
"I'll be back."
Can you imagine what it was like back in the day when everybody was seeing those films together for the first time? Pretty cool.
"Gnarly radical."
"Yeah, totally."
The '80s teens contributed their fair share of then-contemporary slang to the modern American vernacular, taking bits and pieces from a variety of influences. Movies like Valley Girl and celebs like Moon Unit Zappa helped mainstream "vow speak" along with the Valley Girl accent that lingers to this day.
"Good things being labeled totally rad and bad things being called grody to the max might make your eyes roll now, but they were fresh and fierce back in the day. Language is constantly altering. So yeah, some of those things sound silly today. But remember, who knows if 'sick' will go the way of things being 'on fleek' or if it'll carry on like being 'mint'."
Hip-hop culture also had a huge influence on '80s teen slang. Words like "dope," "fly," and "chill" joined the teen lexicon with a little surf punk and skater lingo like "tubular" and "gnarly" added to create a language stew that unmistakably identifies the era.
Teens today will never know the electric excitement of heading to Blockbuster or, before that, the mall record store like Camelot to load up on movies for the weekend. For just $1.99, you could shove a VHS into your VCR and entertain your whole crowd. As popularity soared, video rental shops began stocking up on new releases. You could watch Footloose, The Princess Bride, Labyrinth, or Dirty Dancing from the comfort of your own couch. It was an '80s teen cinephile's dream come true.
And if you were a lucky teen movie buff whose parents also dug film, HBO beamed movies directly into your living room. It was what the name said: a Home Box Office. The channel had been around since 1972, but the cable TV explosion of the 80s brought it to more houses than ever, along with dozens of exciting specialty channels that we take for granted today.
"Cable guy. Let's do this."
Some households even had Cinemax, but this is really a family show, so he won't explain what that meant. Just ask your parents' kids. Between VHS rentals and this magical channel, you had all the home entertainment you could ever hope for.
Now, long before TikTok, '80s teens were making silly videos on video cassette via the camcorder. Early versions used full-size VHS or Betamax cassettes. They may have been bulkier than the 8mm cameras their parents used to make home movies, but you didn't have to get the film developed or use a projector for playback. You could just pop the tape directly into your VCR, connect the camera to the TV, and watch your shenanigans on repeat. Teens in the 80s were fast becoming the music video generation. So, having a camcorder handy to make your own was super cool and creative. And if you accidentally used your parents' last cassette to film yourself lip-syncing to Billy Idol or Madonna, they could just rewind the tape and record right over it.
For the '80s teen, watching strangers get hilariously wrecked meant one thing: watching America's Funniest Home Videos, one of the longest-running shows on television. Its debut in 1989 started a movement of glorious humiliation that continues today, thanks or no thanks to global connectivity. But former '80s teens know how it all began.
The '80s teen was just as devoted to music as any other generation. And thanks to cassette recorders, they could pirate their favorite tunes off the radio without having to spend a fortune at the record store. The easiest way to hear all the hits was to tune into Casey Kasem's Top 40 Countdown on Sunday mornings. He'd countdown the 40 most popular songs of the week along with factoids, insider information, and dedications to create 4 hours of pop music bliss.
But let's say you wanted something a little bit more unique, like you really needed Iron Maiden's "2 Minutes to Midnight" on tape. You'd call the local radio station and request a song, and then you'd hope that the DJ didn't try and hit the post by talking all over the intro music. Times were tough.
Which brings us to one of the best inventions of the 80s, the mixtape, the playlist of the 20th century. And they were actually tapes. And you had to really want to make one because it was a time-consuming thing to do. You got to kick it off with a killer to grab attention. Then you got to take it up a notch, but you don't want to blow your wad. So then you got to cool it off a notch. It was glorious. You could blend genres and songs from the biggest artists of the era, capturing Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, and Michael and Janet Jackson from the pop world on one side, while mashing up Metallica, Bon Jovi, Mötley Crüe, and Van Halen from the rock universe with Prince, Bobby Brown, and Whitney Houston from the R&B world on the other. Then you could throw in some Camper Van Beethoven to let the listener know you were super cool and indie. If you made one for your crush, it really meant something.
To listen to tunes on the go, you'd grab your battery-powered Sony Walkman, strap on your foam-padded earphones, and rock out. But if making a scene was your goal, you could always haul out your boom box and crank the volume until the windows shook.
Perms and mullets weren't the only hairstyles rocked by the '80s teen. Although there were plenty of those around, daring do quickly shifted from feathered, flat, and fluffy in the early '80s to high, wide, and crunchy by mid-decade. Pompadours and beehives aside, hair had never been bigger or bolder. For the more masculine hairstyles, nothing could beat Dippity-Doo and Dep gel to keep your spikes and mohawks in place. It was like coating your hair with glue. And Jerry curl was essential if you wanted a Michael Jackson look. For major 'dos that required maximum volume, mousse with a finishing coat of Aquanet became the go-to. '80s activated this combo to create cascades of bangs and wild manes. And if you lost volume during the day, you could simply give yourself a fresh spritz. The sickly sweet scent of ozone-destroying fluorocarbons is one of the signature smells of the 80s.
Sure, music videos from every artist imaginable are readily available on YouTube today, but if you were a teenager in the 80s, you depended on MTV to keep the video jukebox playing. This was long before the station became a purveyor of reality shows. Classic MTV altered the pop culture universe in ways modern teens will never understand. In those days, you planned to be home at 7:00 p.m. on Tuesday to catch the latest world premiere video by your favorite artist. Yes, it was a real phenomenon and it was pretty darn special. MTV launched in 1981 with five VJs showing videos and reporting music news. Acts like The Rhythmics, Duran Duran, Cyndi Lauper, Adam Ant, and Madonna built their careers through their outstanding videos. Others like Peter Gabriel, Michael Jackson, and Fleetwood Mac offered cinematic works that felt more like mini movies. By the mid-80s, the music video had become an art form, and the '80s teen had a front-row seat to the show.
Atari walked so PlayStation and Xbox could run, but to the '80s teen, having any sort of video game system at home was living the dream. Video games were already a billion-dollar industry in 1981, with Pac-Man bringing the arcade business fresh fodder after years of space-invading and asteroid-shooting. If you had any taste for gaming at all, you loaded up on quarters and headed to the arcade as often as possible. Your mission? Get your initials in the top 10.
In 1982, Atari rebranded its 8-bit 2600 home console as an updated version of its original machine, and the fun became domesticated. Early graphics were worlds apart from a full-blown gaming machine. But being able to camp out on the couch and rock your game for hours on end was how the whole 21st-century marathon gaming concept began. Competitors like Intellivision tried to muscle in on the growing industry, giving games more colorful options. By the time Nintendo launched its 8-bit NES system in the mid-80s, home gaming had become a massive '80s teen pastime, much to the dismay of their parents. At least there was a social element to it back then. There was no internet, so if your friends wanted to play, they had to actually come over to your house to do it.