The TRUTH About Male/Female Dynamics...

Hey Jim Wolf here with dating advice for men who love women. There is a fundamental truth about dating and being in relationships with women that once you understand it, it will make you much more successful, and it will also allow you to avoid a lot of unnecessary pain and suffering. Once you really get this.

And so, what is this truth about male/female dynamics that we're talking about in this presentation that's so important to your success with women and to your happiness in life in general? Well, here's the thing about dating women: choose first, and then we choose. Women choose first, and then we choose.

And now I'm gonna talk about five key points around this concept that are going to help you be more successful in dating. So, first of all, number one, here's how this works. When it comes to initial attraction, women are in complete control. So, women do the choosing first, and it really doesn't have very much to do with you at all. For example, if you're standing at a bar and one woman comes up to the bar and stands next to you, and you start a conversation with her, maybe you just say hi or whatever, she could completely turn her back on you and ignore you. And then five minutes later, if you're still standing at the bar, another woman could come and stand next to you who's of the same exact attractiveness level and has just as good of a personality, and you could try to start a conversation with her, and maybe she engages in that conversation with you, and then maybe she agrees to go sit at a table and talk to you a little bit more. And so, if you're just standing there somewhere and a bunch of different women come up next to you, they're all gonna have different reactions to you based on their interest in you and whether they're available or not. And you don't have very much control over that, if any, when it comes to any particular woman.

And here's another thing about that. If a woman is not interested in you, or at least a little bit open to you when she first meets you, then there is nothing you can do to attract her. Okay? So, if a woman's not interested in you, there is nothing that you can do to make her interested. Even the best kind of player, I guess you could say, in the world cannot make a woman who's not interested in him attracted to him. It's impossible. Not even Casanova could do it. No one could do it. And the reason why I bring that up is because a lot of people think of the concept of game or kind of being successful in dating as taking someone who's not interested and making her interested, and that's not actually true. That's actually impossible. So, the only thing that we can do is take a woman who's interested in you a little bit and make her a lot more interested in you. That we can absolutely do, and that's what we talk about around here. And your behavior at that point determines if she's going to like you a lot more or she's gonna lose interest in you. And that's, that's what we talked about, and we're gonna come back to that idea a little bit later as well. But the point of this is, if you're trying to attract a woman who is not interested in you, it's a colossal waste of time and energy. And it doesn't matter how interested you are in a woman. The only thing that matters is how interested she is in you. And if we try to do something that literally cannot be done, no matter how awesome we are, no matter what we do, we tend to lose self-worth and confidence and self-respect over that for no real reason at all because it's impossible. I mean, if there was a 75-foot tall basketball hoop in your driveway and you couldn't dunk the basketball on that, would you feel bad about yourself because of that? Of course you wouldn't, because not even Shaq or Kobe or Michael Jordan or anyone could do that. And not even Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball a thousand yards. So why would you feel bad about yourself if you can't attract a woman who's simply not interested in you? Nobody can do that. And yet, so many men around the world try and try and try to do that because they are interested in a woman. Well, again, your interest in a particular woman is largely irrelevant. What matters is her interest in you. Female interest is the number one factor in your dating and relationship success. I'm gonna say that one more time because it's so important. Female interest is the number one factor in your dating and relationship success. And the higher a woman's interest in you, the better she treats you, the better time you have with her, and the better everything is for you in your relationship with her. And that's why we talk about how to raise and maintain a woman's interest in you in our books and programs. And this is actually something a lot of relationship experts tend to miss, the importance of female interest, because here's the thing. Let's say you've been in a relationship with a woman for five or ten or twenty-five years and you're having problems with her. If her interest in you, her deep, real feelings for you as a man, have gone all the way down to zero already, then there's no amount of relationship therapy that can help you. So, this is fundamental. If a woman's interest in you is zero, there is nothing that can save you.

So, what we want to do is figure out which women are interested in us and then decide which of those women we are also interested in. That's how this concept of women do the choosing first, and then we choose comes into play. You want to find out which women are interested in you and do it as quickly as you can, and then you can decide which of those women you would like to date or to be with. And that's a huge paradigm shift from what most men out there do when it comes to dating, which is just relentlessly pursue and chase a woman they're interested in, while completely ignoring her interest and not even noticing it or caring about it. And that's not a very effective strategy because, remember, her interest in you is not what's irrelevant. Your interest in her is what's mostly irrelevant. So, I get emails from men around the world every day. And when a guy emails me and says something like, "I really like Amber," or "I haven't ever felt like this about anyone before," or, "You know, I've only been in love with two women." I automatically start thinking, "Okay, you know, I understand why you're sharing your interest level in her with me because you think it's important." But really, why are you mentioning something that doesn't matter at all when it comes to the question you're asking me? And when it comes to dating and being in a relationship with a woman, your interest is irrelevant. You don't have to include that when you ask a question about it because it doesn't really matter. What matters is, does Amber like you? How much? She feels stronger feelings for you than she's ever felt before? Is she in love with you? That is what matters. It's her interest that counts. And again, in terms of initial attraction, we don't have much to do with whether a woman will be interested in us or not. Now, you can make yourself more attractive to women in general, so you can increase the chance that any particular woman will find you attractive when she first sees you and when she first meets you. You can absolutely do that. But when it comes to one individual, particular woman, there is nothing that you can do to guarantee that she will be interested in you. So, again, if right now, two out of ten women are interested in you when they first meet you, you can increase that to like, three or four, absolutely. But can you make sure that that one woman, Kendra, that you like, is gonna like you back? Absolutely not. And that is a huge key to your success and not suffering so much and being unhappy with the way your dating life is going. Once you understand and accept this concept, you're gonna do a lot better because you're not gonna be running uphill and trying to do something that's impossible.

And number two, just because one particular woman isn't interested in you doesn't mean the woman right next to her will not be interested in you. There's not kind of this female collective brain out there where if you go talk to a woman and she's just not into you, that all the other women on the planet get that signal somehow and now they're not interested in you too. That's not how this works. You don't know which women are going to be interested in you right away. For example, you might try to talk to a woman that you're interested in, and she might not be interested in you. But in the same room as her, maybe there's a woman who's even better-looking than her, and maybe she even has a better personality than that woman, and that woman is interested in you for some reason. Maybe you're dressed like her favorite celebrity, so she kind of thinks you're interesting. Maybe she likes your body language, whatever it is. So, one woman in a room can be not interested in you, and another one can be interested in you, and you can't be a hundred percent sure which one it is. And it's certainly not based on which one you're interested in. And so, there's no way to know if any particular woman will be interested in you or not until you find out. And again, the key is that it's all up to her. She makes the first choice. Then, if she's interested in you, or at least open to you, you can choose to continue with her or not. The initial choice is hers. So, because you're aware of this now, what you want to do is try to start a conversation with whichever women look interesting to you and see which ones respond positively and are open to you. If they're not open to you, and you can clearly tell that they're not interested, just move on quickly instead of investing your time, energy, and emotions into a dead end. So, you want to kind of have a little self-control over your interest before you find out if a woman's interested in you or not. And listen, it doesn't matter how amazing a particular woman is. If she's not interested in you, it ain't going anywhere. It doesn't make any difference how awesome she is or how much you like her. So, what you want to do is find an amazing woman who is interested in you. That's the first step. And most men never actually take that first step. And then, if a woman is interested in you, or at least open to you, and you can feel that, then you can lead the interaction forward.

And here's a good example of how this initial attraction idea can play out. I think this is a really, really good way to illustrate this concept. I recently watched a reality show called Love Island, which is basically a bunch of really good-looking single people who want to be in a relationship that come on this show to find a match. And what happens is, when a new guy comes to the island, all of the women of the island are kind of lined up, and the ones who are interested in that guy step forward, and then he can choose one of those interested women to couple up with, or he can actually choose any of the women that are there, but at least he'll know who has expressed interest in him. And then it's better, probably, to choose one of them. So, there's a really good-looking, cool guy who came on the show. And when he first got to the island, all of the six women, or however many were there at the time, were lined up. And the host said, "Okay, all the women who are interested in this guy, please step forward." And guess what happened? Even though this guy was good-looking and he's really cool, none of the women stepped forward for him. And he was the only guy who got no interest from any of those females. And so, at that point, he could have completely given up. And of course, he still chose a woman to couple up with because that's how the show works. So, he still had to choose someone to couple up with. However, there was no chemistry between them because she wasn't interested in him that way. And so, this is a really awesome, very, very good-looking guy who got no interest from those six particular females on this show, and he coupled up with one of them, but there was no chemistry between them, and it wasn't really good for him. Now, a lot of guys would start feeling really bad about themselves in that situation and they would think, "Like, no women in the world are interested in me because these six women, not one of them was at least a little bit open to me. Oh man, that's horrible." That's what how most guys would probably feel in that situation. And it's kind of hard not to, because we're all humans, we're not robots. However, this guy kind of kept his own self-confidence. I think he has very healthy self-esteem and confidence. And so, it wasn't easy for him necessarily, but he was pretty smooth about it. And so, what happened later is more women came to the island. And at one point later in the show, two women were interested in him at the same time, and then a third one joined in. And so, when he started the show, zero of those six first women were interested in him, but later in the show, two were interested in him at the same time, and then a third one also joined them. And now he had three really good options to choose from, by the way, who were actually better-looking than the original six women who were not interested in him. And that's how this works. You have no idea which women are gonna be interested in you and when you're going to meet them. And if this guy had lost all of his self-confidence and stopped being himself and stopped going, he wouldn't have had those three great options to choose from later in the show. In fact, I think he was probably the most successful guy on that show. And at first, he had no options out of those initial six women. And so, keep that in mind because that's basically how this works. It's not really up to you at first. A woman has to be interested in you before anything can happen. And you just never know when that's going to be. So, instead of focusing all your efforts and energy on one woman who may or may not be interested in you because of your high interest in her, instead of that, start looking for women who are interested in you. Because if you do that, you're already halfway to paradise with women. And remember, a woman with genuine interest in you treats you a lot better and she's much better to be with than a woman who's indifferent. I can't tell you how important this concept is.

And then number three, here's the reason why women choose first and then we choose, in my opinion. Now, this is not a scientific thing that's for sure proven. It's just what I think. This is just my opinion. And the reason why doesn't really matter, but I think it's interesting. So, let's talk about it for a second. So, if you just think about the dynamics of mating and having children, when it comes to that kind of, I guess you could call it a marketplace, women are a lot more valuable than we are because they only have one egg per month, okay? So, they have one egg per month or so coming out. And you have millions and millions and millions and millions of sperm. I think it's like, you release like 300 million sperm or something like that when you release them. And so, if you take that value of kind of reproductive cells, she has one for every 300 million to a billion or more of your cells. So, that's a lot more valuable, and she has to kind of protect that and try to find the best thing. And here's another thing. A woman can only be impregnated by one man at a time. So, she better choose the right guy. On the other hand, you potentially, not saying you should do this, so that you want to do this, but you could impregnate a lot of different women at the same time. So, it's just not as important for you to choose the right one because the next day you could technically have a child with another one. She can't do that. So, this choice is more important for her and it's more risky for her than it is for you. And so, I think over time, women have just kind of become the gatekeepers in this dynamic. So, she gets to choose first. She's in control of who gets to come into that romantic reality with her. And by the way, here's another thing about that. Once a woman actually decides that she's interested in a guy, once a woman's interested in someone, there's nothing that can stop her from trying to be with him. She will do whatever it takes. Female interest is very strong. And especially if you tell her that she can't have that guy, that's why I like, if a woman's attracted to someone that you might think is a jerk or whatever, and her friends are like, "Oh, you should stop being, we don't like him, you don't go after him." That makes her even more motivated to go for him because now, not only is she interested in him, she's also doing something that other people don't want her to do, which kind of makes her feel powerful. And so, the point here is that women do the choosing, and we don't have a lot to do with it. Now, again, you can absolutely make yourself much more attractive to women in general, and you should do everything in your power to do that. But that doesn't mean that that one particular woman that you really like right now is going to be attracted to you, no matter how awesome you become. On the other hand, if a woman is interested in you, then you absolutely can raise her interest in you and then maintain it indefinitely. And again, that's what all of our books and programs are about. And so, if you want to be in a relationship with a woman, what you want to do is choose a woman who chooses you first. So, stop looking so hard at your interest in a particular woman. Back up a little bit. Kind of scan the field and see who's interested in you, and choose a woman who chooses you first.

Now, the dynamics of a woman choosing first can play out differently in different places. So, for example, if you're in New York City, there's a lot of single women there, and so you might have an advantage over someone who lives in rural Alaska where there's not as many women. So, this dynamic plays out differently. But even in New York City, with a lot more options for men, it doesn't really matter if a woman's not interested in the guy. He still cannot do anything to attract her. So, the chances of a woman being interested might be slightly higher. But again, if none of those single women in New York City are interested in a guy, he still won't be able to attract him. Now, in a big, big city like that, there probably is a lot of women who would be interested in a guy. Most people can find their match. And if not, then you can do a lot of things to improve yourself, like work on your fitness and your body language, etc. But I'm just saying that while this plays out differently on a deserted island where it's just you and 400 women, the head does. If you live in rural Montana and there's two women per square mile, it's still the same concept. The woman still chooses first.

And then number four, we kind of touched on this already, but I just want to repeat it again because it's very important. So, here's the key again. If a woman is interested in you, then your behavior determines what happens with her after that. So, if a woman chooses you first, meaning she's open to you or interested in you and wants to see maybe where things will go with you, at that point, then it's your behavior that determines what happens with her. And if you do everything right with her, her interest will keep climbing. And if you don't do everything right, her interest will fall. It's really that simple. And here's another thing about how this concept works. Once a woman's interest in you passes your interest in her, the power dynamic of the relationship shifts in your favor, and it's also good for her as well. That's a key point. So, women have all the power at first. However, once a woman is highly interested in you and her interest in you passes your interest in her, that's when the power dynamic shifts, and where you can have a really strong, great relationship with a woman. So, that's what we want. And it's also good for her as well. So, your job is to identify a woman who is interested in you that you're also interested in, and then raise her interest in you until it's a little bit higher than your interest in her. That's what we want to do when it comes to dating. And ideally, what we want is for her interest to be about, you know, nine point six or so out of ten. Well, your interest in her is like 9.3, 9.4, 9.5 out of ten. So, you want her interest to be a little bit higher than your interest. That's the best we can realistically do in this human experience that we're living. And if a woman is nine point six out of ten interested in you, and you're nine point five interested in her, that's a relationship that can keep both of you satisfied and happy and that can last as long as you want. So, that's our ideal target to shoot for. That's actually possible. But what we don't want is your interest to be nine point five out of ten and her interest to be zero or two or three. That's not a good relationship.

And then lastly, number five, here's one more critical point. Even once a woman's interest in you hits nine out of ten or higher, which means that she's actually deeply in love with you and her real feelings for you are as strong as they can be, even at that point, you still have to maintain her interest in you, or you're in trouble. You don't want to let her interest in you fall because, again, her interest in you is the number one most important factor in your relationship with her. And I want to illustrate this point with an example that just shows you how important that this concept is and that ties everything in this presentation together. There is an actress that I think is extremely attractive in every way. She's really cool, and she seems like she would be a good person to be in a relationship with. And you probably don't know who she is because she's not really extremely famous. And so, I don't want you to try to figure out who this is. It's not important. What's important is the concept. And so, there's an actress out there who I think is a great person. And for a while, like a couple of years, I think she had a boyfriend who I also think is a really great guy. He's really cool, and he seems like he would probably be good in a relationship as well. And as a dating and relationship coach who's kind of seen a lot of different dynamics playing out between couples, I could tell that she actually was genuinely very interested in her boyfriend. Her interest in him was very high. In fact, I thought it was pretty likely that they would be engaged this year or at least really soon. So, that's what I was thinking based on the dynamics between them. However, here's the important point. Even though her boyfriend seems like a genuinely awesome person, he clearly doesn't understand the importance of female interest and how male interest is mostly irrelevant and can actually drown out female interest if we're not careful. And if he did understand that, he'd probably be engaged to her right now. So, everything was going along great for this couple until I noticed that on Valentine's Day, he posted to my forever woman on Instagram along with a photo of them. So, on Valentine's Day, he posted "to my forever woman" when she had never made any strong indication of him being her forever man. And again, dating and relationships is all about female interest, not your interest. So, it's okay to say something like that after she does. Yet, if you do something like that first, it starts to erode female interest. So, what that post showed me is that he had already kind of committed himself to being with her forever, and he was already at that point in expressing it publicly in the most public way possible, whereas she wasn't quite there yet. But I thought she would definitely get there soon. So, he did that a little bit too soon before she was actually there, and then she started feeling the pressure from that, and that lowers female interest. And a woman cannot even help it. Now, again, if she had posted "to my forever man" and then he responded with something similar or posted something like that a week or two later, then there wouldn't be a problem. Although we should still keep stuff like that to a minimum. But he did it first. He broke self-control and expressed his interest verbally before she had done so at the same level, in a public forum, no less. And this goes against the principle of female interest versus male interest. So, what happened with this couple? Well, again, even though her interest in him was clearly high at the time, and she responded with something cute to his Valentine's Day post, her interest started to fall after that. And just a few months after that, she caught feelings for another man and left him. If I didn't see his Instagram post, I would have been shocked by that because she was definitely into him before she had real feelings for him. And in my opinion, she's a good woman who wouldn't just kind of be disloyal to him. However, I did see his post, and so again, I knew it would cause him problems. And it made me a little sad because they're both really cool, and it seemed like they were good for each other. So, stay on your toes. Keep doing everything right, even after a woman has high interest in you, so you can make it all the way home with her instead of getting left on third base. Never forget that it's her interest in you that matters. And remember, when a woman sees you for the first time, she'll either be interested in you or not. If she is, proceed normally. And if not, move on to a woman who is.

And if you want to know exactly what to do step by step from the first moment that you meet a woman who is interested in you, to raise her interest to the highest possible level, to where she's actually deeply in love with you, and then how to maintain that interest in you as long as you want to be with her, and also how to create a great relationship with her that's satisfying for both of you as long as you're together, then go grab your copy of our best-selling "Attract and Keep Her System" right now. Inside the "Attract and Keep Her System," you'll discover the four male qualities that raise female interest and exactly how to apply all four of those qualities. And then you'll discover the four things you must do to maintain a woman's interest in you as long as you want. So, if all of that sounds good to you, and you haven't already, go to attractandkeepher.com/system. That's attractandkeepher.com/system and grab your copy right now. And as a thank you for being awesome and checking out this presentation, we have some free gifts for you as well. We have some advanced free training for you, and you can get all of that by going to datingadviceformenwholovewomen.com. That's datingadviceformenwholovewomen.com. I'm Jim Wolf with dating advice for men who love women. Women choose first, and then we choose. And I'll talk to you later.