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Passivity is one of the absolute worst things for a man. If a man wants to kill off his masculinity and life force energy, all he has to do is be passive. Well, seeing as how this is deeply detrimental not only to men themselves, but to everyone in human society, in this video, we will be diving deep on this topic of passivity and men and what to do about it.
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To start, what does it mean to be passive? It means to get in the back seat rather than in the front seat of your life. This includes in your relationships. When you get in the back seat, you don't initiate. You don't make decisions. You don't lead. You don't communicate or you communicate in a lackluster way. You don't express your opinions. Your behavior is submissive. You defer to other people. You don't bring your thoughts, feelings, needs, desires, and preferences forward into any relationship or situation. You're disengaged. You spend your time in avoidance of the things that you don't want rather than driving toward what you do want and proactively taking unwanted things on as challenges. You don't hold yourself accountable to standards or the goals that you set. You don't take charge. You don't assume responsibility and you certainly don't assume ownership. Rather, you leave others to take responsibility and ownership. You don't create and implement plans. You leave things to others. You wait to be told what to do. You may lack motivation. You don't establish, maintain, express, or enforce your boundaries. You either don't set goals or if you do, you don't hold yourself accountable to reaching those goals. You get a picture, right?
If you were to look at masculinity through a purely energetic lens, you would see masculine energy as a forward moving energy. The masculine polarity contains the qualities of action, direction, assertion, movement, strength, focus, generosity, encouragement, transformation, and growth. All of which are active, forward-ing energies. Passiveness is an oppositional force to these energies. When a man is not active and proactive, he starts to exhibit passive aggressive behavior. After all, passive aggression is how people express negative feelings and try to assert boundaries in an indirect way. When a man is passive, he is not the one making the decisions and actively participating in his life or relationships. And because of this, all the pressure is on the other person or other people to make the decisions and direct the relationship and direct how both their life and his life goes. The other person is likely to drive things in a direction that, by the way, he's not going to like very much. And when he doesn't like it, he is likely to become passive aggressive rather than proactive and direct about steering things in a different direction.
When a man is passive, he will lose his self-esteem. Let me explain. A man will not feel good about himself when he is in the backseat of his life and his relationships. He will start to depend on other people in ways that cause him to lose faith in his own capacities. He will not do the things that lead to the building of confidence and self-esteem. The lack of control that he will feel over his own life will make him feel powerless and start to see himself as smaller and less powerful than he actually is. What's going to happen is that he will experience a negative feedback loop whereby his passive behavior will lead to negative results which will make him more passive which will lead to even worse results. As he slides down this negative spiral, he will start to see himself in a more and more and more negative light.
When a man is passive, he will in fact lose energy. At first glance, it may seem like if someone is being passive, they're not exerting much energy. and so they're laidback and so they're conserving energy. This is not actually how it works with men. When a man is active and proactive, it works in much the same way that certain car batteries currently work, the ones where they charge by driving the car. Being proactive shifts a man's energy and focus from reacting to problems, which depletes energy to both anticipating and shaping his environment and life experience. And this in turn gives him a sense of empowerment, control and also accomplishment. And this in turn reduces stress levels and motivates him. It creates a positive feedback loop. Being proactive where he takes the initiative and takes action towards what he desires builds his belief in his ability to succeed. And this causes him to have a more positive outlook on life as well as a higher level of confidence to take on challenges. And this massively boosts his energy levels.
Being passive is not natural for a man. When a man does this, it's in response to some kind of trauma. Trauma that needs to be addressed and resolved. For this reason, if you're a man who is struggling with being passive, it's a very good idea to do the completion process. In case you're interested, I have an ecourse which teaches you how to do this process in depth. I also wrote a book about it. Or if you wish, you can also find a practitioner to help you go through this process by visiting the completionprocess.com.
Now, let's look at what happens in a male female relationship when a man is passive because this is a true disaster. Keep in mind when I describe what I'm about to describe in manto-woman terms that this can be a real issue in gay relationships as well because polarity still exists in these relationships even if that polarity is more fluid and exchangeable. When a man is passive in a relationship with a woman, he has flipped the polarity in his relationship, destroying the energetic dynamic between the masculine and feminine energy. Unknowingly, he's requiring her to display masculine traits and provide him with containment. And by doing so, he is flipping roles which will feel unhealthy and painful for both of them and it will destroy their attraction to each other.
Okay, so let's step back and look at how this all works practically. If a man is passive, then it leaves everything to the woman in his life. She has to be the one to make the decisions for both him and her. She has to be the one in charge, leading and taking control. She has to be the one to initiate everything. He's relying and depending on her to take responsibility and ownership of everything, including him, which will create a dynamic where she is more like his mother than a partner. He's making her carry the full weight of the relationship on her own. He is making her decide on the direction of the relationship and he is also making her be the one to lead it there. Basically, he's requiring her to be strong. He's making her be the one that's out in front with no buffer and no containment. With the absence of this containment, she will start to become anxious and resentful because she doesn't feel safe. She will become progressively more and more controlling. And when a man gets into this dynamic with a woman, he tends to feel totally emasculated and totally powerless. There is likely to be an air of constant tension and constant conflict in this type of relationship. And what's going to happen is he's going to feel controlled. She will lose respect for him and he will feel disrespected. He will lose his attraction to her. He will not feel needed. He may feel like a minion or a servant in this relationship. And because she doesn't have containment, she is going to be under so much pressure and not have her needs met to the degree that she will not be satisfied in this relationship. As a result, she will not be able to hold him in a positive light. She will start to criticize him and surprise surprise lose her attraction to him. After all, attraction is about polarity. And this will corrode his self-esteem. When a man's self-esteem suffers in a relationship, he tends to withdraw. Uh-oh. This only further leaves her on her own with all the pressure. So, she has to become even stronger, even harder, even more masculine to cope with this world. and her negative feedback will increase leading him to believe that he can never make her happy. Essentially, it creates a downward spiral.
As a man, you cannot be passive. Really being active and proactive and stepping fully into your masculine polarity and masculine energy is central to having the life you want, feeling good about yourself, and having relationships that work for you. So, let's look at 10 key components of being an active, proactive person rather than a passive one.
One, be in an active mindset. This starts with deciding to be on the side of causation. Do not wait for things to happen to you. Recognize that you have the power to influence situations and bring about desired outcomes. This means wherever possible, commit to being in the position of cause instead of effect. This requires a mindset shift. We live in a universe that is based off of the law of cause and effect. This means that we will do things that affect others and others will do things that affect us. Anytime you are in a situation that feels like you are at the effect of someone or something else, ask, "How could I adapt to the reality of the situation so as to switch back into the position of cause instead of effect?" Actively seek out potential ways to make your desired outcomes come about and take action when you find them. When you are passive, you're basically getting in the backseat of your life. You are totally convinced that your life experience and the various spheres of your life are dependent on external factors. And as a result, you're essentially putting yourself in the hands of others. No matter what situation you may find yourself in, consider how can things related to your well-being be in your hands instead of in the hands of others. Where do you think the power lies in this situation? and how can you switch the situation so that the power lies with you.
Two, create a vision. Both a vision for yourself and for your relationships. Being proactive in your life and in your relationships implies taking action. But that action needs to be in a certain direction. It needs to be for something and in service of something. The action is designed to bring something about. This implies that you need to have a vision for what you want and need and value both regarding yourself slash your life and regarding your relationship. What you are looking to do is to build a vision of the life that you are trying to build. When you create a vision for yourself, you have something to aim at, something for your choices and actions to lend themselves to creating. And you can check all your decisions and behaviors and actions against whether they are in alignment with your vision. or whether they are out of alignment with your vision. And remember, do not just passively let your relationship happen to you. And don't make your partner lead it. You must lead your relationship forward towards a vision that is in alignment with what both you and your partner want.
Three, move your body. Never underestimate the power of moving your body and exercising and simply physically doing things when it comes to getting out of a passive state of being. Sometimes we're waiting for motivation in order to take any action. But what if I told you that action can bring about motivation? Many men find that moving their body works like a fire melting through the ice of passiveness, even when that passiveness has to do with other areas of their life. For this reason, many active men will choose to use exercise to catalyze themselves into a more active, proactive state of being, in other areas of their life, such as their career or dating or taking on the challenge of problems that they may be facing. Physically moving boosts your energy. It causes your cells to actually produce more energy and triggers the release of chemicals that improve your mood, helping you feel a lot more on top of things rather than underneath or at the mercy of them. Moving your body, exercising, and physically doing things forces you out of passivity. So, make yourself do it.
Four, take responsibility and ownership over things. Being active rather than passive implies actively taking responsibility and actively taking ownership. Take ownership of things that need to be done. Handle things. Take responsibility for tasks and projects. Help guide and lead others regarding things that need to be done. Make sure things are done well. Initiate the doing of things, the completion of them, and the holding yourself accountable to the outcome. Self assign yourself things. Do things without having to be told to do so. Proactively solve problems that arise. When a person is passive, what they do is that they leave things to others. Don't leave things to others. And remember, you must follow through.
Five, put energy into learning and understanding things. How does this relate to being active rather than passive? Well, knowledge is power. The more information you have and the more you know about something, the greater your confidence will be to take action relative to that situation. You will know what action to take and this will automatically make you far more active. Knowledge empowers you to feel able to take the lead. Remember that keen observation, active listening, and questioning are key components to developing a thorough understanding of anything. But do not be passive to getting this information and learning whatever needs to be learned. Seek out that information and learn and seek to understand like you are hungry for it.
Six, do not fixate on what you can't do. Look for what you can do. When you concern yourself with what you can't do rather than what you can do, you will end up feeling powerless and defeated. If a door is closed, put your energy toward looking for other doors and windows that might be open. Long story short, to own your power in any situation, so as to be able to take action, you have to shift focus towards what you can do in whatever situation you find yourself in. Ask yourself, how and in what ways can I create, direct, influence, or do something so as to bring about what I want?
Seven, recognize, feel, and build your confidence. We tend to be passive when we don't feel our own power and don't see our own value. You will become more passive the more that you are focused on what you have no confidence in relative to the situation you're in. Don't simply fixate on what you don't have confidence in. Instead, consider what you do have confidence in. Make a list. If you recognize where you have confidence in your life, the areas where you don't have confidence won't feel like they diminish you as much. For example, you may feel totally confident in doing math correctly or with cooking or being able to fix a car or with understanding complex concepts or with organizing. Really recognize and lean back on the confidence that you currently take for granted. And from there, consider what it is that you have no confidence in relative to the situation that you're in. How could you increase your confidence in that situation? In what ways could you learn and grow in that area so as to build your confidence in the areas that are causing that lack of confidence? Remember, at one point in time, none of us felt confident walking. Now, we're so confident about it that we take it so much for granted that we would not even think of putting that on a list of things that we are confident about. Lean back on what you are confident about so as to be able to take on the challenge of building confidence in whatever you do not feel confident about.
Eight, assert yourself. In this context, to assert yourself is to put yourself in the situation at hand and to put yourself into whatever relationship you're in. What is you? Well, you is your thoughts, feelings, opinions, needs, desires, energy, and action. You need to put that into the situations at hand. You need to put that into your relationships. What might this look like? No more sitting back and observing. Rather, stepping forward and actively participating, bringing your needs forward to other people, including the woman in your life, by clearly communicating them. Stepping up and taking charge of problems that present themselves. Making your voice heard by expressing yourself in a clear and direct way. Standing your ground rather than giving in. Upholding your boundaries. Clearly expressing your opinion, standing up for yourself and for others, initiating difficult conversations, offering your ideas and suggestions, using body language that is confident, maintaining eye contact. Do not withhold yourself.
Nine, create forward movement. Imagine you are watching your life in third person. Imagine following yourself for a day in your life. Are there areas of your life where you feel stagnation? What choices would you make and enact right now to bring forward movement into those areas of your life? Masculinity, like we've been saying, is a direct forward moving energy. When you make a decision, you open the door to what you want and you close the door to what you don't want. This prevents you from scattering your energy in different directions. What it does is it ensures that your vital energy will move in one direction with force and direction, like a missile locked on a target. A big part of moving forward is the willingness to take risks and learn how to turn mistakes into beneficial lessons to propel you forward even faster. Stagnation is the opposite of masculine energy. When you are unwilling to make mistakes, you stagnate and the masculine energy within you becomes suppressed. No more hiding from fears is what this means. If you are committed to embodying your masculinity, it is time to face your fears head on and not tolerate stagnancy in any of the areas of your life.
10. Be an active giver. You will receive tons of love when you are in your masculine energy. In fact, you will receive far more of everything you are wanting, including love, when you are in your masculine energy. That said, masculinity is not a passive receiver of love. It is an active giver of love. This means initiate. This means do. This means give. Be a transmitter. Masculinity is generous. It isn't stingy with itself or with its resources. Be an active giver. Take advantage of opportunities to give when they arise. But don't just passively wait for that opportunity to arise. Being passive will deplete you. It will prevent you from being in the masculine polarity. It will put you out of alignment with your own power. It will flip the polarity in your relationships, which in and of itself leads to all kinds of unwanted consequences. It will make it so you end up somewhere totally undesirable in your life. So operate in life with these questions on your mind. Is what I am doing active and proactive or is it passive? And how could I be more active and proactive in this situation? And then follow through on the answers that you come up with. Have a good week.
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