Le pouvoir énorme de la pensée positive

So here, I prayed for this house that there be blessings, that there be sustenance, and also for special requests. So you say amen to what I prayed for, even if you don't know, it's not a big deal. We will also ask that the lesson be dedicated to the merits of my wife Nathalie Kamad Saada, and also for fortune, but Saouda Batina, and also a blessing for Kinokit Ben Ben and Sarah, send me the fastest possible good news, and for you too, that there be blessings in your families. You sacrificed a morning of sport, that it be a merit. So it's at the beginning of the parashah Vayigash. Everyone knows when Joseph was to meet Judah, after Joseph, who was then the viceroy of Egypt, had already taken Shimon, and then he had taken Benjamin. So it was a big, big stress, and the two of them confront each other, and we think it's going to explode, and Joseph knows very well that the brothers are capable of destroying all of Egypt, they have the power. On the other hand, Judah faces Joseph, or rather the king of Egypt, or rather the viceroy, who has such great power. So there is an extraordinary tension. Okay. Well, there are many commentaries on this confrontation, but there is an incredible insight that we will use this morning, and I hope we will draw from it a good lesson. It says there, what is it? Normally, it means he approached. But it is also an approach. What approach do you have to the situation? What approach do you have? What attitude do you have? And there, it says something incredible. It says, "Like the water, as the Sages said, face to face." Yes. So, face to face means that when someone looks in the water, they see their reflection. Okay? And there is a kind of parallel between the reflection and the person looking in the water. This is called "panim el panim," face to face. It says, "As water produces this effect of face to face, so the heart of man to man." This is the verse in Proverbs. Now it says, "And upon this, Judah exerted himself." This means he reflected, he took upon himself the efforts of Joseph to influence Joseph's heart towards him, compassion. Okay? So now he is his enemy. Okay? They are supposed to go to war. And what does he do? Before speaking to him, simply approaching him, he had this thought. He said, "I will try to direct his spirit towards mercy." Even though, a priori, they are in a state of tension that should lead to war. He says, "He brought his spirit and his will closer to him, to love him and to cherish him." Are you following? Yes. It means he put himself in a state of mind where he said, "Now this man, who is probably my enemy, who wants my death, who wants to destroy my family, I will love him." So he completely reversed the trend, the approach he had. Why? So that Joseph's spirit would draw closer to him, to accept his words, and all the efforts of seduction he tries to make. He says he was forced to do this, that is, to force himself to love him. He says, because by nature, the children of Jacob would never cherish people who practice idolatry. Yes, so they would rather hate them than love them. Because of this, he was forced at that moment to reverse his nature, or the approach in his heart. And it says, and you see that it worked, because right after, Joseph changed his mind, he said, "Okay, let's go," he revealed himself, "I am," he stopped the whole story. Okay. Here it is written an incredible innovation. It is written that no one, yes, can with their heart, because here we are not talking about him speaking, not about him manipulating, not about him influencing, not about him acting, he did nothing. Yes, he came with a different approach. Yes. That there were two, once again, two enormous tensions. There was an extraordinary potential for conflict. There was a potential for war. There was a potential for misunderstanding. There was a potential for hatred. There was a potential for violence. And what did he do? He went against his nature. Yes, he completely reversed his nature, and this upheaval of his nature caused the upheaval of the nature of the person in front of him. Okay? So imagine what you can do with your husband. But it's incredible. Yes. That we say, no, you have to talk, you have to convince, you need training, you need work, you need a process of therapy, sometimes psychoanalysis, sometimes brain change, sometimes, because it goes very far. Yes. The other day, I saw a man who was so affected by stupidity that I told him, "Listen, I can't do anything for you." But he said, "My, they told me you were very strong in psychology." "Yes, but you." I told him, "You need a veterinarian." He said, "But why a veterinarian?" I said, "Because within us there is evil, there is the evil inclination, and there is the ego, the 'ani,' and when the two identify, it becomes animal." So when you behave like an animal, I can't do anything. I come with the Torah, I can't do anything. You need a veterinarian. The veterinarian understands animals. He said, "But sir, you are entirely... do you bark at cleavage?" Yes. "Ah, I can't do anything." When you return to normal, when you think with your brain and not with the equatorial part, okay? So someone is speaking like someone in full depression, there's no point talking about the ego, I can't, there are crocodiles on the walls. First, you'll take a pill, you'll calm down, you'll return, your brain will return. We say in French, "I've regained my senses," and then there's someone speaking. Yes. Now, the other person is under pressure, the other person is in fear, the other person is in trauma. Well, sexual violence between 8 and 12 years old for years. So the other person is there, the other person is there. Everything is there. Where they are, you are not there. Yes. As my wife always said. Where is your head? Your head is there. I can't talk to you because your head is there. It's logical. Yes. I'm telling you, we say "regain your senses." It means they are lost in the attic, there in an old suitcase. Yes. So that's the idea. The idea is that the person is there but not there. A bit like anger. I've explained this many times, but it sounds like a joke, but it's very serious when the person says, "You know, you made me angry, you drove me out of myself." So I always say the same thing, I say, "But I don't understand, when you are within yourself, I know where you are, but when you are outside yourself, where are you?" "I'm outside myself." No, it's interesting. The French language is very precise. Yes. But in the Torah, it's the same thing. When a person is angry, they are not there. That's why we say, we don't try to calm the person when they are angry. Why? Because there is no one there. The self is gone again, it's gone into nerves, it's gone into stress, it's gone into arrogance, it's gone into rigidity, it's gone into heaviness, it's gone into identification. Yes, but my father also never changed. Okay, but your mother hanged herself. That's true. Okay. So that means that sometimes we are condemned in a single word, yes, to change or not? No, no, no. Yes, it's rigidity, fossilization of the brain, calcification. There are people whose brains become a part of their skull. That means their brain becomes bone. So, you see, when you speak, you say, "I feel like I've hit a bone." Because it is. Yes. Now, what is the exact opposite of maturity, because what is maturity? Well, it's existential flexibility, it's the ability to adapt, it's incomprehension, it's the possibility of changing. So what does that mean? It means that there is a part of us that is fixed, which is generally the most external part, the one that is linked to reality, and there is a part within us that is in fusion. So the child part, well, that's the part that can change. We call that in French, potential. Yes. And in Hebrew, it's called the "lev," it's the heart. And there is the, this is the inner self, and there is the outer self, which is linked to reality. So there are the contingencies of reality. There is time, there is the gaze of others, there is stress, there is the life of my parents, there is pride. All of this, all of this is linked to the self that is external. It's called the self that does. Yes. That's why the Sages call it "ma'aseh." So you have understood that there is the self that does and the self that wants. The self that wants is internal, it's called potential, it's called the "lev," and the self that does is external. Is that clear? So normally, existential linearity is when I do what I want. Okay? You'll tell me, it wasn't worth going through all this detour to say something so simple. The problem is that people who truly do what they want, we can count them on the fingers of a one-handed person who himself doesn't have many fingers. Maybe he kept one for honor, like that. No, but the idea is this: when a person says, three-quarters of people who claim to do what they want are precisely people who are so enslaved by their evil inclination or their neurosis, it's the same thing. Yes. That in fact, they don't do what they want. The proof is that afterwards, well, I regret what I did, I regret what I said. It escaped me. I wasn't myself. It's too difficult, I have impulses, I don't understand them. I don't know what's happening to me. My mind was elsewhere. So you see that your inner self that is supposed to want, it doesn't exist. Are you following me? I don't know, you're not reacting. No. Ah, I forgot to tell you something very, very important because I feel it, it's bothering me. Stop thinking about someone else. [Laughter] When I'm talking to you, it's talking to you, but I feel it, you're thinking about someone else. [Laughter] You're saying, "Too bad the class wasn't mixed." The class is for him. The greatest way to get rid of an opportunity to change is to think that the class is for someone else. It's like going to the gynecologist and saying, "My husband isn't here." Well, no, your husband doesn't come to the gynecologist. Yes, but he's over there. Well, you're over there too. Yes. Yes. No, the idea is this: to accept that the lesson is for the people who are present. Are you following me? No. And if you say, "Yes, but finally, okay, and sometimes we feel that it's not calibrated correctly." I'll tell you a secret, but it stays between us. It's really because we are very good friends, and well, let's say, we are very good friends, but it's not a big deal either. Yes. I actually do the lesson for myself. You are attending my personal states of soul. Why? Because if I put myself in the position of a master and you as students, and you understood nothing, and I am above the situation, you will not change because Benchetrit said, "The best encouragement to existence is existence." To exist is to be external. To be external is to move from potential to real. Okay? So if you want the other to exist, you have to exist yourself. If you want your children to exist, you have to exist. If you want your spouse to exist, you have to exist. If you want your client to exist, you want your dream to exist, if you want your student to exist, you have to exist. Okay? But if you position yourself as a lecturer and say, "I am magnificent, like three-quarters of people, anyway, it's you who has a problem, it's you who is crazy. Go see a therapist, go see your rabbi. I am very well." You say, "But then what are you doing on earth? Since you have nothing to do." Normally, people who cannot be better die, and people who cannot be worse die because they start to harm others. So if you are alive, it means you can do better or worse. Ah, why are you doing nothing? Look at the fossil. There are people like that, they have rotten ideas. Besides, we say it, there are real skeptics and false skeptics. Still no reaction. I need jokes to know if you are with me. No, because sometimes out of respect, you nod your head like this, but you understand nothing, but you say like this, a bit like the plastic dog in the back of an R12, for those who remember. Yes. So you shouldn't be, you shouldn't be the dog in the back of the car. That means you shouldn't be in reaction and reality, you should be in decision. But for that, there must be someone inside who is sophisticated enough, built enough, who has enough confidence, enough happiness, enough joy, and enough faith to say "I." Okay? And when the "I" masters the "want," and when this "I" influences the external "I" that does, it's called "I do what I want." That's what is commonly called normality. It's to be normal, in fact. Yes. In fact, it's to be balanced. It's to be happy. It's to be well. Yes. Or or no. Yes, I think one thing but I say another. Well, I pretend to be smiling and happy and tanned, but I have a lot of problems in my life, in my head. I'm miserable, I'm going to suffer, I'm going to die, I'm going to croak. I'm trying to die, so you'll be coherent. No. And then you don't want to, you want victimhood. Ah, you want the other person to take care of you. So since your "I" is not developed, you want the other person to replace your "I." So these are people who haven't learned the rules of the game. The game, still no. When you are with me, yes, then we can go very, very far in reasoning and very, very far in personal therapy. If you are not here because you say, "Well, he came late, and besides, he's complicated, the rabbis are stingy with faith, it's not like that at all." My project is to make you gain 10 years of maturity in 1 hour. Besides, I saw that Rabbi Yicha is a bit in this school. It's normal, a bit, because he started with me. But but it's good, it's good that you understand that life is lived only once and that every hour has value. Every second has value. Yes. And that in one minute you can change your mind. So if the Torah explains how the mind works, you can use it. So this is "or adoshem," not "freud." Understand that he thought you had to sleep with your sister to love your mother. It's not Einstein who had a completely disordered sex life. Yes. It's the "Rav Kadosh." Yes. And the "Rav Kadosh" suddenly gives you a lesson in psychology, in fact. Yes. It's that you, within yourself, develop a mind, you develop a thought, and that can act on the other before you open your mouth. Why? Because, again, "vayigash" means he approached, so it's the approach you have. You're going to meet a client. What's on your mind? You're going to talk to your husband, what's on your mind? You're going to approach your son? Well, he made a big mistake. What do you do? You say, "Wait, you're a mother, you're an adult, you're mature, you also made the same mistakes when you were young." So what are you going to do? You're going to wage the same war as your parents who yelled, who yelled. So you were put in a victim role, you lost 15 years understanding that your parents wanted your good. Yes. And they took 15 years to understand that they shouldn't have yelled. 15 years lost. Like I see people, they want to divorce, they can't divorce. Well, good. No, because you're not married. You can't get married like fools and divorce like idiots. There should be a little light between the two, perhaps. Yes, I understand. Yes. But the problem is that there are only two possible states in life. Two. There are only two solutions. Either you will be a servant of God, or you will be a servant of the evil inclination. I say, "Yes, but anyway, I'm not religious." Well, you're also stupid. Well, I repeat. Yes. Either you will be a servant of God, and the servant of God must be intelligent, must be balanced, must be true, must be sincere, must be comfortable in his own skin. That's part of serving God. As the opposite, the other is a servant of the evil inclination. So, since he is a servant of the evil inclination, it is the evil inclination that replaces his personality. So he has no choice. So he is in reaction. So he is in immaturity, he is in susceptibility, he is in superficiality, he is in the epidermal dimension of his being, which is no being, because he is no being, because his being is the evil inclination, whether he wants it or not. So in truth, that's the idea, that we must finally understand that all psychiatric illnesses are degenerations of psychological illnesses, which themselves are degenerations of bad character traits, because you have replaced your self with the evil inclination. So everything you experience is only the fruit of constant immaturity, which is the lack of adaptation to a reality that you have refused. You must now get a doctorate in psychology in one sentence. Did you understand or not? Because what is maturity? Maturity is the resonance of intelligence. What is intelligence? It is adaptation. In philosophy, intelligence is the ability to adapt. Now, when I adapt to a situation, the act of making the effort to adapt through resonance creates maturity in me. Okay? So now, when I don't adapt, because I send my nerves, I send my fear, I send my anger, I send my stupidity, then I am not confronted, okay? So my anger grows, but my intelligence decreases. How then can we find 40-year-old people who react like little girls, like little boys? Not long ago, a woman didn't listen to me, I have a very, very big conflict with my husband because, well, I was upset because I have the Brit Milah of my fourth child and I couldn't find the nail polish that matches the color of my suit, and so, and so I was upset and I didn't even want to go to the Brit Milah. Okay? These are serious problems that happen. People don't call me for nothing. [Laughter] I said, "So what's the problem?" My husband says, "Listen, darling, when you have four daughters, three of whom are anorexic, the problem isn't the nail polish." And we argued about that. We called you. I became the toilet bowl. All the world's problems fall on me. Yes. I said, "But it's a way of speaking. The reality is much more serious." I said, "But madam, do you know that you have anorexic children?" No. Interesting. Denial of reality. And you, do you know that your wife is very beautiful? Yes. She is also stupid. Yes. She is even more stupid than beautiful. Yes. And she is very beautiful. In a movie, she could play both roles, Beauty and the Beast. Yes. Now you chose her for her moral qualities, and now you say, "Yes, like a little girl?" That's what you wanted. No, because you wanted to dominate her, and on top of that, you felt that by her existing, she prevented you from existing. So you said, "I'll take someone who doesn't exist." The problem is that someone who doesn't exist also has the flaws of their qualities. So if she is very, very beautiful, she has the flaws included, because someone who is moderately beautiful makes an effort to work on her character traits, but someone who is beautiful, just by smiling, can charm even her physics teacher, so she doesn't need to improve her beauty, her intelligence. So, have you read the psychology book written by Claudia Schiffer? No, not either. It's normal, you haven't written a book. Yes. So no, it's very, very important to understand that the major flaw of the reality we live in is that reality resembles us. And that's what we reproach it for. But the goyim have an expression for that. They say you have to look in the mirror. When you look in the mirror, don't take it the wrong way, I don't want to underestimate your intellectual abilities, but have you noticed that when we look in the mirror, in 98% of cases, the reflection only represents the person in front of the mirror? Okay? Tell me if I'm going too fast. I know, it's very abstract, it's hard to understand. You'll say, "Well, it's obvious." No, it's not obvious because three-quarters of people, when they look in the mirror, they see someone else because they blame others. So you see that the reflection is not the representation of the person in front. Uh, he blames his mother, he didn't give love. The other blames his father for not breastfeeding him. Yes. The other blames the rabbi who didn't encourage her. The other blames the teacher who gave her a bad grade. One day, God willing, one day when you look in the mirror, you will see yourself in front. You will start, you will start the real problem, you will start the real question, and the beginning of the question is the beginning of the answer. So the beginning of the problem is the beginning of the solution. But if you are already in denial of being the cause of the problem, then how will you be the cause of the solution? So you have to accept being the cause. In English, it's easy. It's "cause." "Cause." Yes. Maybe no, I'm not the cause. Oops, that has nothing to do with it. I'm not concerned. I say, "I believe it," but in two words. Finally, after that, it's concerned. I don't know if it's okay. You're fine, there's a lack of reactivity, it must be menopause, I don't know. Did you understand what I'm talking about or not? Yes. When you feel cornered, it's often because you are the one concerned. Now, you shouldn't feel cornered. What's wrong? We are in a situation. Yes. Well, you are here, I am here, a problem arises. God sent it, and we will act, we will do what is necessary. Why do you feel bad? Oh, it's me again, always on my head, I'm fed up, and I live it very badly, and that creates complexes and discomfort for me. But no, it's a problem of faith and coherence. Do you believe in God? No. Yes. No. No. Because if you believe in God, you accept that the reality in front of you is adapted to you. Okay? That's faith. Okay. So you never complain then, since it's adapted. Ah, what's with this husband? Why can't I lose weight? The apartment isn't selling. It's hot in Florida, it's cold in Florida. Why are you complaining since it's adapted? So I'll start again. Do you believe in God? No, it's not a question. It's an interrogative formulation that puts you in an intelligent situation to reflect, because you have to ask yourself the question. There was a great rabbi who was our rabbi, who was our yeshiva, and every day, every day he said, "Do I see God?" But how did he write the Shulchan Aruch? The guy did a 10-year correction. He's known in Jerusalem? Yes, yes, you're right, but given that faith is a relationship of maturity with reality, and that reality evolves, you can't use your faith from 20 years ago for problems at 40. It doesn't work. You are forced to make the person evolve, and like children, when they are 8 years old, you speak in one way, when they are 28 years old, you speak in another way. There is no difference. Well, it's the same with respect, you lower your eyes, you stay quiet. Say, "Dad, I'm 28." At 8, you impose. At 16, you negotiate. At 20, 25, you dialogue. Well, I can't. That's not my mentality. We didn't grow up like that in Morocco. So the real problem is that you are maladapted. Do you know why you are maladapted? Because you were not present to adapt. At 8 years old, you take care, you adapt. At 10 years old, you take care, you adapt. At 20 years old, you take care, you adapt. If you don't take care, you don't have the opportunity to adapt. So you don't adapt. Yes, yes, yes. And when you are maladapted, you cannot have maturity, because maturity is the resonance of adaptation. Okay? Since you don't have maturity, you act with immaturity. And what is immaturity? Well, you get angry, you have your tantrum, you don't understand, you fall from high, you fall from the clouds, you are shocked, you transfer guilt, responsibility, it's normal. Why? Because there is no one inside to assume it. Did you understand what I'm saying or not? Again, I'm talking about no one. There is no one inside. Yes, because the word "person" in French means "no one" and "person" like in Hebrew. The word "ani" means "I" and the word "ayin" means "nothingness." It's the same letter. So if the person has not done everything to be someone, and what is someone? It is unique. So if they have not done everything to develop their unique self, automatically they will not be unique. Since they are not unique, they will be like everyone else. The problem is that everyone else is no one. You have to explain this well. You have to explain this well to your children or your grandchildren. That when you become like everyone else, you will be no one. Whereas the Torah wants you to be someone. And moreover, that this someone inside should be the same as the someone outside. In French, this is being oneself, the same as oneself. Again, these are banalities. Yes. These are obvious truths. It's like water that wets and paint that colors. Well, it's this kind of banality that the evil inclination prevents us from seeing. That is, we are caught up in the sophisticated reflection of Trump's next decision to benefit Iran or to go against the dictators, when in reality, we don't care about that, because it's God who decides. On the other hand, your personal problems of maladaptation that create all your problems of peace in the home, of motherhood, of wife, of daughter, and all that, that doesn't interest you. That's not hot, the obvious is what is obvious. So you have to go towards the obvious. I see myself that I have a complex problem, I have to manage it. I see myself that I react extremely sensitively to the remarks of others. I have to think. I see myself that I can't make a decision. I'm always telling others, "What do you think?" "What would you have done in my place?" "What would you have said?" So that means I don't have a self that decides. People come to me, they ask me, "Rabbi, what should I do?" I say, "I don't know." "But how are you the rabbi?" I say, "Yes, but I'm old, I'm a wreck." [Laughter] He says, "You are like my daughter. My daughter, what do I do for her? I tell her, there's this, there's that. You've taken that into account, tell me how you perceive the situation. What do you see that's good? What do you see that's bad? What do you see as an advantage? What do you see as a disadvantage? What do you see as opportunities? What do you see as suffering? What do you see as discomfort?" And then, I say, "Ah, you haven't talked about this, you haven't talked about that." So, I've objectified her thinking. And then, I say, "Now, you are in a situation where you have all the elements." Yes. And the elements that concern you, and you are the cause. So in French, it's called "knowledge of the cause," and now you will decide. You say, "Yes, but deciding is hard because growing up is suffering." And yes, but growing up is choosing. You have to choose. Listen, I'm having trouble, honestly, I'm having trouble. You don't want to decide for me? I am very, very shocked by all these rabbis who decide for people. But there are two problems. First problem, people haven't lived their lives because God sent them a question, and they ask the rabbi to answer. Firstly. And secondly, the rabbi who was busy answering people's questions never answered his own questions because he was busy. You see traces of immaturity in the rabbis that you say, "Damn, these are country rabbis." No, I have nothing against rabbis, well, competitors. But you have to know that we are all in the same boat, that we must work on ourselves, we must grow, we must work on our evil inclination, we must work on our character traits, we must absorb our Torah, we must become, it's all the same. The beard doesn't change anything, it's the same for everyone. Okay? So in this spirit, again, the Sages tell us an extraordinary innovation: if in your head, okay, you have developed a feeling contrary to your nature, because Judah's nature would have been to hate Joseph after all he did. He said, "Not only will I not hate him, I will love him." Here there are two things. Firstly, he fought against hatred, which is enormous. Secondly, he developed love against the current. And thirdly, this upheaval he made within himself, which was enormous, had a mirror effect on Joseph, who believed himself to be a gentile who was about to make him suffer, who decided to reveal himself as Joseph, and the situation changed. Are you following me or not? So sometimes you are desperate with a child, now he is convinced that you don't love him, and you say, "Listen, I have good reasons not to love him because he keeps disappointing me." Now, if you fight against this hatred, well, not this hatred, but this form of rejection, and you say, "I will love him anyway, I love him unconditionally, I don't calculate, I don't do that stuff, he's my son, I don't care what the school says, what the therapist says, what the doctor says, I will be 100% with him." Suddenly, by rebound, yes, he says, "I also, well..."

Listen, I feel like working at school, but I don't do it for my mother, I don't do it for my father, I do it because I really want to do it for myself. What's interesting is that you, in the end, did it for yourself, and he, he does it for himself. It's the mirror effect at school in geometry, so that's symmetry. You do one thing on one side, you do the same on the other side, but it's symmetry, all of life is symmetrical. That's what he said. He said, like water, face to face. You see the only difference, and this is interesting, is that in the reflection, the image is reversed. Are you aware of that or not? A bit like in the card. Have you seen the card, the king, the king of hearts? Yes. There's a king, but he's cut in two. And at the bottom, what is there? A king, but he's upside down. Yes. I'll give you a little personal perception that only commits me. At worst, I'm right. Yes. The Aleph. Do you know the letter Aleph? How is it written? With a Vav and two Yods. But one Yod is upright and one Yod is upside down. But the Yod is the Khorma. Yes. Well, it's too far to explain to you. Trust me. Yes. So, and it's also the first letter of the name of Hashem, with which he created the world. And there's a Yod upright, that's the 'A', and there's a Yod upside down. And the Vav, what is it? Yes, it's the link, Z-V-Z-V. Every time you have a link with someone, yes, your Khorma sees the other's Khorma upside down. Yes, but in truth, you know it's upside down. Why? Because you're looking at it in the mirror. But if you put yourself in his point of view, suddenly, the Khorma is upright. Do you realize? I was 15 years old, I was young. Well, but I wasn't normal, I was a bit, I thought a lot because 9 hours of philosophy a day is a lot at that age. It was Baby Foot, Saint-Étienne, Guingamp 4-0. Really very, it's high level. It's just above the grass, by the way. Because many have stopped in the grass. But the idea was what? It was to say that when you are arguing with someone, when you are in conflict with someone, when you are discussing with someone, how do you know if you are objective or not? That people change my opinion when they have their opinion. We don't have the same opinion. Is that true? No. Okay. How do you know who is right? Who is telling the truth? How do you know? The only way, listen carefully, it's a bit violent because I was 15, but you, thank God, are no longer there. The only way to know if you are objective in a discussion is if you are capable of arguing in the other's direction. You say yes, he says no. Okay, now he has an argument for no. Okay. Can you also argue in the direction of no? No, you say, but I can't, it's not my opinion. I'll tell you something. I apologize, I really do. When people say "I disagree," I see many people say "I disagree." Listen, seriously, I disagree, it doesn't bother me, it's true, the right to be stupid is constitutional anyway. Yes. I said, but I'm young, to disagree, you have to be able to agree. Now, when you say you disagree, you disagree with what I'm saying, you disagree with what I think. So, go ahead, explain to me what I think, but I don't know. But argue in favor of what I think, but I don't know. But at least tell me what I think, but I don't know. So, who do you disagree with? So, translation for people who practice flying disc. Yes, that means you cannot disagree with someone with whom you could not agree. Is that good or not? Because to disagree, you would have to be able to agree. Now, I know your point of view, I know your arguments, I know your whole demonstration, and I disagree because of this, this, and this. Okay? So, since I know what you think, I could agree. But I have another point of view, and here is my demonstration. So, when we put the two points of view together, what we call dialectic, okay? At that moment, we decide not to agree. So, to be able to disagree, you would have to be able to agree. Is that still okay? Yes. No. Yes. Yes. So, I ask the question. If to be able to disagree, you would have to be able to agree. So, it means we can agree. Yes. Ah, why don't we agree? And yes, yes, yes. Did you understand the idea or not? This is where you see that psychiatry intervened in the reasoning, what we call the ego. Because you got offended, because you don't care about the truth, because you need to be right. Because you feel that if you admit you didn't understand, well, you look stupid, but that has nothing to do with intellect. That's fine. But then, if you are not capable in your thinking of separating reflection from emotions, intellect from psychology, how do you make choices in life? How do you manage a conflict? How do you manage discomfort with a child? How do you manage your body? Did you understand or not? Because you are not in control of your decision-making center, which is called your deep self. That's why when I was young, I was very afraid of being a "C." Very afraid of being what? A "C.N.," a convinced person, a concerned person, a taxpayer. You'll find a common factor. Yes. So that's why I thought a lot. I say 9 hours of thinking a day, and not in books, mind you. I was afraid of philosophers. When I saw that Aristotle died in a brothel, I thought, he's going to teach me about life. So I understood that I had to develop my own philosophy. So I thought a lot. Then, when I got to my final year, I was talking to the teacher about things from my head. He would tell me, "But that's Heidegger, that's Oppenheimer, that's Plato." I said, "I don't know, I don't want to have problems with the neighbors." I'm not telling you this to say I'm a star, I'm just telling you that someone of average intelligence who invests enormously in the hope of not being a loser, and a loser is the opposite of intelligent, and intelligence is adaptability. So, a loser, a fool, is someone who is maladapted. But when you are maladapted, well, you get married, you are maladapted. Shalom bayit, you have maladapted children. Ah, well, they annoy you, they make noise, it's too much. Yes. You do business, you are maladapted, well, you don't understand the customer. Or you do shady deals to get the result you want. So you go to prison. All this why? Because you are maladapted. Did you understand or not? That means all the problems we have in life come from maladaptation, which is itself called in French immaturity, immaturity. And what do we call the mature person? In the language of the Torah, the Tzadik. Yes, because the Tzadik had to develop his fear of God, but he also had to develop his intelligence, his finesse, his decision-making power, and the part of him that is him, and the part of his fears, and the part of his neuroses. So, that's why a Rasha is someone who is entirely subject to inner impulses that do not come from him and which he cannot control. It's like I'm talking for the sake of talking. Did you understand the idea or not? It's powerful. Think. You have to think. That's the purpose of life. Well, I can stop talking. So, you understood something extraordinary, which is that Joseph Judah went against his nature. And that's what turned the situation around. So, he told it, he's waiting for me to speak. She's waiting for me, she's waiting for me. Well, it could have been that the pipes burst. Well, and he was sent very young. So, the idea is what? It's that one day he told it like this, that there were two brothers. There was one brother who was jealous of another, really jealous. He held a grudge, as they say in French. And what did he do at the time? There were the cantonists, these were people who were taken by the Russian army. They would leave, they would stay 20 years in the army, and when they left, they were ruined, they became invalids, they had nothing left. And what did he do? This one who was jealous, he went and he, no, it didn't take 20 years. He denounced the second one. Yes. And the other one was caught by the army. He left for 7 years. Okay. So he lost his life. After 7 years, he was saved, a miracle. He came back alive. He came back to Yishuv. Yes. And the Rosh Yeshiva knew what had happened. He knew that this one was jealous. He knew that he had denounced him to the army, and because of that, the other one did his years in the army. He went to see him, and he saw that the one who had been denounced not only didn't have hatred, but on the contrary, he was taking care of the other one. He was doing good deeds for him, he was doing good for him. He said, "This one, I have to talk to him." He asked him, and he said, "But I don't understand, you know it was he who denounced you to the army?" He said, "Yes, I know." He said, "And you, you don't have, you don't hold a grudge?" He said, "No. On the contrary, I want his well-being. I look for opportunities to do him good." The Rav heard this. He said, "You are a king, you are a king." Yes. Because the king is the one who masters the slave within him, the servant within him, the child within him. That's an adult. Yes. He says, so he says, just as we say that when Joseph and Judah were facing each other, it was said, "Merken Melech," a king facing a king. So the commentators say, "I don't understand, Joseph was king of Egypt, but Judah was king of what?" He was a king of himself. He was king of himself. Okay. And in relation to that, that's why, since he was a king, in 100% mastery of himself, he managed to switch the situation. That's good. But on the other hand, we'll say, we need to find a solution, Maimonides, we need to find a solution. This is destabilizing. Excuse me, because here, I need 200% of your attention. If I lose 80%, it's not a big deal in truth, but otherwise, next time I'll do entertainment, I'll sell you soap. But if we want to do real work, we have to do it with concentration. But you have the... I do this, people sometimes take it badly. What can I do? Maybe I'll quit this job. Uh, what's important is that all this happened in the *machshava*. It's in his head. I don't know if you understand, there was no investment, no influence, no argument, no manipulation, nothing. Nothing but in his head. Yes. Oh! Why is it like this? From there. You see an incredible thing called the power of thought. Now, the word *machshava* in Hebrew means thought. Okay? But the word *machshava* comes from the verb *archov*, which means to think. It also comes from the word *chov*, which means important. So, I'll summarize for you because we don't have time. When do you know that you think what you think? For example, I'm speaking now, I'm telling you what I think, okay? Shalom, I would not allow myself to tell you something I don't think, okay? Now, what does it mean to think something? It means something that I have internalized within myself through a long process of learning, that this thing has become an intimate conviction within me 100%, otherwise I don't speak. It's like if I read something in a book, but it's a crazy revelation. It's a crazy revelation. But if I don't think it, I don't say it. Give an example. You know that children don't do what we say, they do what we think. Okay? So, if you say to your daughter, you say to your daughter, "My daughter, your skirt is too short. What is this neckline? It looks like a street girl." Okay. Now, the daughter sees that you walk around in a slit skirt. So, since you tell her one thing and you don't do it, it means that deep down you don't think it. And the child doesn't hear what you say, she hears what you think. So, if you haven't done the work of internalizing what you think, when you say it, the child hears nothing. Then you say, "She doesn't listen to me, she's messed up. Yes, she's messed up, she's not right in the head, she doesn't listen to me." But no, the child cannot hear the inconsistency because inconsistency means that you are not living what you think. So, when you don't live what you think, you don't say what you think. And since you don't think what you think, it doesn't work. Like a guy who told me, "Yeah, my wife left home, what should I do?" I said, "But it's very simple, call her, tell her you love her." He said, "But I keep doing it." I said, "Listen, are you alone in the room?" He said, "Yes." Tell me, do you love your wife? He said, "No, no, it's interesting. No, on a zoological level, the guy is dying because his wife left home. Yes. But he doesn't love her. Now, he's been told he has to say 'I love you, I love you.'" So, he says, "I love you." But strangely, she doesn't feel it, she doesn't feel that he loves her. That's why she left. Understand? And what does he do? He keeps repeating. But by repeating, repeating, repeating, in the end, it becomes unbearable. Okay? No, because one competent person is okay, but two. So, what does that mean? It's useless to tell someone "I love you" if you don't think it, it doesn't work. It's useless to try to explain something to a child that you yourself haven't understood, because they won't understand what you yourself haven't understood. Yes. It's useless to try to convince a customer of the value of a product when you yourself think it's rotten. It won't work. Yes. It's useless to tell the customer, "I'm here for you, I'll help you, uh, I'll give you the best of myself." When in reality, you don't care, you only think about their money. Strangely, at the end of the negotiation, he says, "Listen, I need to think about it." Why? Because you, you were... you say, "Listen, you're a salesperson," you say, "Listen, madam, listen, madam." She says, "Yes, I want a straight skirt." "Listen, madam, I have straight skirts, I can sell you straight skirts. Yes, I have the color, everything you need. But excuse me, you have hips, it won't suit you, it won't suit you, it won't suit you." "Ah, but how are you talking to me? You're not a salesperson." "I'll say whatever you want. It's like my sister asked me. I'm telling you, it doesn't suit you." Well, the girl says, "So, what should I do?" So she says, "Look at this model, it has a special cut, *tac*, it fits you perfectly, *tac*. Oh my, oh my, oh my, but it's... Oh, I've never been like this. All my life, all my life, I thought that..." Then she brings her friends, her brothers, her sisters, $20,000 in turnover, based on what? On the franchise, which itself is the fruit of coherence, which itself is the expression of sincerity. And well, you understood that being yourself pays off? Did you understand? The world is like people, I don't dare tell him, I don't dare tell him, I don't dare tell him, I don't dare tell him. So, you don't tell him. Yes. So, he understands nothing. He says, "Yeah, but he should understand. If he really, he should understand." I say, "You have to say it." He's the best doctor in the world, the best doctor, $18,000 a consultation. If you don't tell him where you hurt, he doesn't know. You still pay him, it's expensive. When you tell your husband, "I don't like this thing, I don't like it." "Listen, no, do as you please. If you want to keep doing it, do it. Anyway, it's your sexuality because you do it alone." Yes, but I don't like it. So, it's hard to say because there are things that are embarrassing. A form of modesty. But no, no more modesty, it means it's no longer the time to do it. There's no more time. Whereas happiness is arriving at the right time, and that's happiness. Speak French, no? Have you never noticed that the word "bonheur" (happiness) is written as two words: "bonne heure" (good hour)? What is the good hour? The hour, by the way, "bonne" is "tov" in Hebrew, it's *tovah*, but *tovah* is happiness, because we say *tovah*. But no, it means happiness. Happiness is the hour. The hour is time. The relationship with time, well, what is it? It's being. Yes. And when being is well, it's called well-being in French. Now, being is a relationship you have with reality. Reality is time. So, when you are at the right time, yes? That is to say, you are in a state of adequacy with the reality that presents itself to you, whether it is good or bad, that is called happiness. Okay? But what do people do? Ah, it's not the moment, it's too much, I'm not ready, and I don't want to, and it annoys me. And who said that it concerns me? Reality is there. Who put it in place? God. So, God made a mistake. But you are clever, you are *chachama*. You did 2 years of psychology. Well, you stopped because you were lazy. But still, you did 2 years of psychology studies. Phew! You want to be more *chacham* than God, more *chacham* than the Rebbe, more *chacham* than the Midrash. You know, intelligence is also recognizing your abilities. That's good. Yes. So, in this logic, what you truly are is what you are deep in your heart. And what is your heart? It's not your emotions or the muscle, it's the center of the person. *Merkaz Adam*. Yes. When we say "the heart of the problem," you understand that the problem doesn't have a heart. The heart of the fruit, you take a pear, you cut it in half, does blood flow? No. Yet this pear that you married, you broke its heart. Well, it's not serious. Yes. Did you understand the idea or not? So, the heart is the center. The center is the place of decision, and that's where the *machshava* is. So, he will say, a man his whole life, a woman her whole life, she builds her *machshava*. That means what you truly think. What you think is true. Truly. Yes. That is your thought. Now, you should know that thought, well, it is your definition, and it forms the essence of your being. And in addition to that, the Ramban says that the seed is made 99% of thought. So, the seed is not made with what you believe, with what you want, with what you desire, with what you wish, with what you hope, with what you pray for. It is what you are. So, children resemble what? Their intimate conviction. You say, "Yes, but I had other plans. I saw things differently." You can't cheat because the seed is like blood. There's DNA in it. Yes. If your DNA is found at a crime scene, you say, "I don't care, I'm the commissioner's cousin." You'll go to prison, there's your DNA. You can't cheat with DNA. DNA is the gene. When there's a gene, there's no more pleasure. Moreover, what is DNA? D-N-A, with the Yod of *HaShem*, *Adonai*. *Adonol*, there's nowhere to go. You say, "No, but I have another approach. I have a more philosophical vision." No. The DNA of a person is their essence. The DNA of the Torah of thought is the Torah. The DNA of the world is the number one. The DNA of numbers is 1. Because 1 in physics is balance. In mathematics, the absolute value of 1 is 1. So, you understood that in truth, that's DNA. But you can refuse. You can say, "I disagree, I have my vision of things, I see things differently. I think we need to be more open, we need to be cooler, we need to have women rabbis, uh, uh, we need to marry gay people, it's not a big deal. You have the right to think, you have the right to speak, you have the right to express yourself, you even have the right to fart. You see, freedom, it's beautiful, isn't it? No, it's true. No, it's called "sex prime," except here, sex is prime. Okay? Because guys, they go to the word because they are at the word. So, yes. But the idea is this, it's to say that just because you have the right to speak doesn't mean it's called *emet* (truth). Now, everyone is faced with this choice. Am I more religious, am I less religious, am I more coherent, am I less coherent, am I more essential, am I more superficial? Yes, but be careful because all this is the atmosphere, the community, the club, the spa, the tea room, the laughter. But one day, you'll reach 120 years old in front of God, and He'll say, "So, what do you think?" You'll say, "Wait, I'll ask my girlfriends." Which girlfriends? I'll ask my influencer. Which influencer? She has no brain. Okay. It's not because you're a woman that you have to be stupid. I've had women who were much more intelligent than me. Besides, mine was much more intelligent than me. Now, I was much more sophisticated than her intellectually, but in terms of life intelligence, she was a million kilometers ahead of me. So, what's the point of being very intelligent if you make mistakes in your decisions? If you make mistakes with your children, if you don't make the right choices, what's the point of dictating philosophy lectures if you don't have the intelligence of life? Are you following me or not? So, that's why you have to work on your *machshava*. But then, what is *machshava*? It's not intellect. I cut my hair short and I understood that in truth, the perception of the existence of the other should not be an aggression, because I understood that there is room for everyone. Stop, stop the philosophy, stop, you risk becoming intelligent. Yes. No, it's that in fact, you only know that you think what you think if you live according to what you think. For example, you have your girlfriend, she's your girlfriend, it's good, she's Jennifer. You, it's Alexandra, it's Jennifer. Jennifer, my daughter, my life, my soul, Jennifer. Ah, my girlfriend, my sister, we've known each other since kindergarten. You are my life, you are my sister, you are my blood. What a declaration of love! Well, you call her. Well, you're giving birth, you say, "Listen, listen, darling, my husband is in Venezuela, and I can't find a Uber, and I'm giving birth. Can you come, please? You have a driver's license, I don't. Take me and bring me to the clinic." And the other one says, "Listen, excuse me, I'm sorry, but you understand, the Eurovision is live, I'm afraid of missing it with the time difference, and I'll know the result tomorrow morning. I won't have attended the emotion of the present moment." Well, you're a bit disappointed, honestly. Well, but it's not serious. What's serious is that, listen carefully, you thought she was your friend, but she's not your friend. Be careful, be careful, there's something more insidious psychiatrically, which is that she thought she was your friend and she wasn't. Because when do you recognize friends? When you need them, they are there. So, that means, listen to me, that means that for years, she thought she was your friend, but in fact, she didn't think what she thought. So, when do you know that a person thinks what they think only when they live what they think? Like if you say, "Is modesty important?" Yes, of course. "Are you modest?" No, honestly, it's hot. Well, you're not modest, it's not a big deal, you wear shorts in the summer. No, in Morocco, we didn't wear them. Okay, you cover your head. No, it gives me pimples. It's not me, my grandmothers got married at 14. They didn't uncover their hair until their death. Yes, but that's exaggerated. It was another era. Thank God, today, we are *goyim* and it's going very well. No, they covered their heads until their death. Yes. Now, what's strange is that they, they veiled hair that could have been unveiled because they had very beautiful hair, don't believe it. And their grandchildren unveiled the Torah to people for whom it was veiled. It's a physical law. Nothing is created, nothing is lost, everything is transformed. So, you thought they were backward from mythology, when in fact they invested in the future. They put *kedushah* (holiness) into themselves, which was inscribed in their children, which is inscribed in their grandchildren. It's called an investment. Hmm. The other one bought apartments, and thank God, now he lives in a long studio in Givat Shaul. In fact, it's called a tomb. A tomb. A long studio. [Laughter] The guy has 1000 square meters in Miami Beach with a sea view, and there, he's underground with a view of the earth. You say, "It's distressing." We're all going there, aren't we? Are you aware? No, I know, as late as possible, but it's true. Do you understand what I'm saying or not? No, I don't want to think about that, I don't want to think about that, but I advise you to think about it because later, when you're there, it's for eternity. You say, "No, but I'm not going to stay there, I'm going to..." Okay, you're going to go based on what? Based on your level of proximity to the spiritual, to the divine. But if you're just meat, meat stays in the hole, it turns to earth. You say, "But what you're saying is serious." But I don't care, I'm saying it, you think it and you live it. They call me "the bottle opener" in Paris. It awakens the frozen pilgrim's soul, but it feels good. It's called *et* and in *et* there is *ma*. So, you know what's a shame? It's not dying, it's dying while alive. While alive. That's to say, the person is alive but dead. You'll sort it out with your husband, forget it, it's dead. Do you want me to talk to your son? Ah, he doesn't listen to me, it's dead. Well, you want to do something else in business? Forget it, it's dead. Well, you want to do *teshuvah*, you want to improve? No, no, no. My father never did *teshuvah*. Okay, but your mother hanged herself, that's also true. Okay. So, all of life is like that. All of life is an opportunity to be alive or to be dead. That's what's in the Torah. Yes. I have placed before you life and death. Or not, there are people who choose death. How do we exist? Well, then, it's a bit complicated, but we'll do *ma'asim* (deeds), okay? And these *ma'asim*, these acts, they are the expression of our existence, since we are going to exist, we are going to... Yes. But the project, listen carefully to what I'm telling you, it's not what you produce, it's what you become thanks to what you have produced. For example, the guy studied for 10 years, okay? He filled notebooks, he took exams, he filled notebooks, he took exams, he filled notebooks, he took exams. In the end, what do we look at? That he is a doctor. He is a doctor. But when he's naked at the mikvah, you can't tell if he's a doctor or a painter. You say, "But I have all my notebooks." You're not going to come with your notebooks every time to prove you're a doctor. So, listen carefully, what you did was fill the notebooks. What you became is a doctor. The project is to become, not to do. So, you need *ma'asim*. But the *ma'asim* you do, in truth, they will have a resonance on your *machshava*. Why? Because first you think something, then you apply it. When you apply it, it proves that you think it. So, you become your thought. It's written in the Torah. Why does the Torah always talk about the heart? Why? It's not the heart, again, emotions, it's not crying out at night, Gabriel. No, that's something else. That's a syndrome called Johnny. No, no, the heart is your interiority. Yes. Now, I'll summarize. Yes. Because I don't know, I don't know, because there's no limit. For me, it's 7:30 in the evening. So, yes. So, listen carefully to what I'm telling you. Everything we work on consciously is to make it penetrate into the subconscious. Are you following me or not? No. For example, you have a child, it can happen. It's a cyclical journey, it's called pregnancy. Well, you have this daughter, she's here, she's born, and go change the diaper, and she'll be there, and change, she has a reflux problem, and you pick her up, and for hours and hours. There, and then she grows up, and you, you carry her, and you accompany her, and then you take her to school, and then she has a fever, and you help her, then you, and then I don't know, you, you made her grow up, and you follow her in her schooling, then in her adolescence, and in her late adolescence, what have you done for 20 years? You've taken care of her? Well, what did taking care of her cause? You say, "But I took care of her because I'm her mother." Ah, no, you became her mother because you took care of her. The proof is, she's not your daughter. Well, the year your sister died like that, she had a daughter. People told you, "Well, listen, we'll put her in..." You say, "No, I'll take her." So, you took care of her for 20 years. For her, now she's 20 years old. When you ask her, "Who is your mother?" she says, "My mother is here." Your mother is the one who took care of you. So, you became her mother by taking care of her. So, even your own daughter, you became her mother by taking care of her. Are you still following? Now, how do you know she's your mother? It's very simple and it's harsh. Are you well, are you psychologically fragile? Are you solid? I always tell the story.

same story. For those who have already listened to it, it's okay. Me too, I attend all my classes. So there's the mother, she is here in Miami. Yeah. And her daughter, she is there in Paris. She is married to a Frenchman. There. What am I telling you? He returns to Egypt. So she is there and the mother doesn't stop listening, she says to her husband Maurice, we have to, we have to call Myiam. No, no, he's not, he's 6 hours away, no, we have to call her. I can't stop thinking about her, once, twice, three times. Besides, I have a stomach ache. I'm not well. We have to call. Oh dear, what a Jewish mother. They call, she is in labor, the daughter must leave the mother. They call that maternal intuition. I'll tell you why? Because you have practiced your daughter so much that the daughter has entered your heart. Yeah. But at the same time, if the daughter has truly done her duty of Kibouavaim, the mother has entered the daughter. That's why people, when they see the daughter, say "You are not the daughter of so-and-so." Yes. Oh, yet they don't resemble each other at all. The other is tall and thin and the other is... Yeah. Why? Because it's called the mirror effect. She enters you and you enter her. Did you understand or not? And well, it's the same everywhere. When you give your all as a doctor, you will have a medical intuition to know what the problem is. We call that siaya, others call it professionalism and experience. But it doesn't change anything. It means that you have practiced medicine so much with all your heart that it has entered your heart. And the heart, you know where it is? The heart is at the end of the month. And the month, where is it? Just before the soul. And the soul sees everything. So when a person sacrifices their ego, which is a lampshade in front of the soul, the soul gives the information that it is beyond time and beyond space. And that requires the sacrifice of the ego. And what do we call the sacrifice of the ego? We call it messirout nefèche. That's messirout nefèche. So when you have sacrificed your ego for the Torah, the Torah speaks to you. When you have sacrificed your ego for the couple, the couple exists. When you have sacrificed your ego for the child, the child develops. Because the true screen of the child is the ego, it's the self. Just as the true screen of yourself is you. So, you are forced to eliminate what is null in you to reveal what is good. So it always goes through a process of elimination. But but at the same time as you eliminate, you will strengthen your deep thought because to succeed in eliminating what is null, your conviction that you are good must be strong. Okay? So the dumbbell, it weighs a lot. You carry it and you carry it and you carry it and your muscle gets bigger and bigger and the dumbbell gets lighter and lighter. Contact with the other is difficult. It's their character, their face, their sighs, their raised eyebrows, their ironic answers, their stubbornness, their rigidity. And you say "I don't care, I'll fight once, twice, three times." You have dug the tunnel of contempt and insensitivity, you have entered the sensitive zone. Then, you have passed the sensitive zone, you enter union, communion. and you enter the communion of wills and that's called love in French, it's a fight. So what have you done? You have created the link between the two souls, it's called love. There, you have broken through with the child. That's it, now you have created solidarity. Now, you have done the same thing with yourself. I tell you, three-quarters of people are not themselves. So, they have an external person who lives in the gaze of others. There, I'm fine, it's beautiful, it's pleasing. How do you find me? It's okay, what do you think of it? Oof, you make a remark, I'm going to die. You give me a compliment, it's extraordinary. And apart from that, is there someone inside? Is it okay? By God's name, do you want to grow? No, no, no, it's fine, it's fine. I have my external representation that does the job and thank God, it's good. I'm a good actress in the comedy. But you are uncomfortable, you are not happy, you don't do what you want, you don't do what you think, you don't say what you say. It's okay. It's not, it's self-denial. No, it's not self-denial, it's nothingness. Yes, that's true too. So, you must develop the inner self, you must develop the outer self and the two must meet. And when the two meet, it means that in your maachava, so in what is important to you, you are well. In French, we say you are comfortable in your skin. But well, what is it? In Hebrew, it's to and to in the language of the people is complete. So you are complete because your inner self and your outer self are the same. You are complete because you and your reality are in equation. In harmony? Yeah. Because you and your husband are well. Because you and your children are well. That's it. T is good. Now, once again, all this to explain to you that it starts in the head. So that means that at that moment, you understood that you are what you think. Now, when you are what you think and the other is what he thinks, so it's two essences that meet, two mahaschavot. We said that the machava, do you remember, is the main component of the seed. Is that okay? So when we have sexual intercourse, the two seeds meet. But the seed is charged with who you are. So what happens microscopically at the level of the seed is what happens macroscopically at the level of shalom bait. That's why we tell people, you have to make peace, you have to understand each other, you have to question yourselves, you have to evolve, you have to work on yourselves. No, no, I am who I am, I will never change. Well, that annoys me, well she's not happy and one is lost, they say, to find another. I said it's a shame it's not a mitzvah to be stupid because there would be... I'm tired, I'm tired of listening to idiots. You have an extraordinary wife and you have six children. You have an incredible husband, he's been struggling for 30 years for your comfort and you argue over trivialities. Oh yes, but I'll explain. Besides, you take me for an idiot. But I see your two yaras, I see your two immaturities and you want to explain to me that it's the other's fault. But how old are you to keep thinking that you are in the situation and that you are not involved? You are a phenomenon. Oh, but I have nothing to do with it. It's a mistake. Well, listen, we got married too quickly. She told me she was pregnant. Well, it was aerophagia. He told me he was American. He invited me, he was Moroccan. That's all. It's been a mistake from the start. Well, you have to get divorced. Oh, we can't because of the children, we'll wait until they die. That's kenasz. Yeah. You say, excuse me, but let me tell you, I love you all, but life is too short. It's a shame. You can't deny your existence until you're 15. At 15, you get a pimple. You say damn, there's someone behind the mirror. Yes, it's you. At that moment, discovery of the opposite sex. Uh, problem of orientation, I'm doing medicine, I'm doing the yeshiva, I'm doing the seminary. Then you meet your husband mechanically, obviously, we can't touch, we can't trick each other. So, we get married, we have a baby, two babies, three babies. Then quickly, you have to pay for the pareva, you have to pay for the building, you have to pay for the thing, you have to pay for the house, you have to pay for vacation trips, you have to pack the suitcases, you have to... and then we arrive at 45, 50 years old and then burnout. But burnout from what? Yes, you understand, my therapist explained to me, by the way, I saw that he had eyes for me, that I have never been myself. So, what is the tun? Is it to leave the house? No, the tun is to be yourself. So, do you know what it is to be yourself in therapy? It's called finding balance. Do you know what it's called in the Torah? Doing teshuva. It's easy. People think that teshuva is buying a wig, putting on a long skirt and practicing in front of the mirror. I'm saying it like that. Yes, Christine, it's magnificent. Oh, thank you, teshuva is inside, that's spectacle, okay, but it's true that it's easier to play a role than to assume your role. So, in this logic, we understood that in truth, when you create your thought, yeah. So we understood that maashava is you, you build your deep thought, you practice. Okay? That is to say, when you decide, you want to dress modestly and you dress modestly and you look for patterns and you take it to the seamstress and you close the slits and you close the neckline. Yeah. And you put on your wig, you put on your scarf and it's hot and it's hard and your friends make fun of you. But come on, be cool. Look, look how cute the gym teacher is. Do you want to... do you want to have a quick fling? You say I can't, my grandmother was the tzadeket of Marrakech, I'm going to... I'm going to go to the locker room with a horse. The truth is, a mare. Why can't you? Do you know why you can't? Why? Because it's against nature. Did you understand or not? You, yes, but it's forbidden in the Torah. Yes, and it's not done. Yes. And besides, even a goy understands that she is married. Yes, but you have practiced so much, yeah. you have practiced your marriage so much that you can't cheat because it's impossible. You're going to vomit. He approaches. Excuse me, sir, I can't. The other says she consumes, she commits adultery, she gets pregnant and then she says but if I don't wear them, I won't wear them at all. Like a guy told me, it's not adultery, it was just sexual. Well, what else could it be? People are weird. It's just sexual. I don't know if you... Yeah. Like the goyim, the Americans, they go out, they sleep together for 3 months and then he says "You know, I think I have feelings, do you love me?" "Oh really?" Okay. Who was the animal that was devouring me every day? But the Jews, they get into that way of thinking. Yeah. That I am selfish and I take advantage and you give me your body, I give you mine. We are masturbating as a community, in fact, we are pleasing ourselves. Yeah. And then maybe if we are compatible and well, maybe if our parents agree, maybe we could possibly consider a marriage with a divorce. in 18 months, not more, not less. That's marriage and that's your reference. We have Sarou, we have Abraham, we have Isaac, we have Rabbi Kiber, we have Rabbi Akiva. And your reference is a crazy woman on TV. We are among the madmen. You are well placed here. You know, thank God, you have phenomena. You know that the guy who invented wisme, which was a total delusion, he himself admitted that it was false. But since stupidity sells better than wisdom, there are always more customers for the casino than for the yeshiva, so it's normal that it works. But again, I repeat, shouldn't you, on an individual level, still ask yourself the question because it's your life that is passing. It's your couple, it's your children. What does the Torah say? The Torah tells you again that everything you practice with all your might out of love for Hashem and without any self-interest, it enters your heart. Okay? So what you haven't practiced, you understood, doesn't enter the heart. What you haven't practiced out of love but out of self-interest, that doesn't work either. What you practiced but not on the... because we used to buy the bread for the afternoon of Passover on the last day. So you were, you didn't do it. Yes, but we have the bread earlier. Well, they didn't understand anything. Yeah. So the problem, listen to me carefully, you are once again, you are you are fine, you are solid. [laughter] I don't know if I should tell you. I'll tell you anyway. Yes. The part of you that will go to the future world is this person you have become. You say "But I've made so many donations. I've made donations." You will return, God willing, as a record of charity, as a record of donations. Yeah. Besides, you arrive up there, you say "Here is your share of the Olam Haba." Well, it's a beautiful palace. You go into the room, there's a guy sitting there, his name is Mathieu. You say "But Mathieu, what are you doing here?" He says "Well, listen, I have 66% of your Olam Haba since you paid it back in taxes." Ah, I hadn't thought of that. Ignorance of the law is no excuse. It's like people who come to see me, they say "Rabbi, is it normal that there's no communication in the couple?" I say "I don't know, I don't know your couple, but have you put in communication?" Ah, not at all. Ah no, I'm not, I don't talk, I say nothing. I, I don't, I don't know, we understand each other, we don't understand each other. That's it. No, well, there isn't any then. Well, there isn't any. Well, so why do you come and tell me to find it normal that there isn't any? But normal is normalized. In your couple, it's normalized that there's no communication. So it's normal. Do you understand what I'm saying or not? Okay. So, in the same way, you go to classes, you do Shabbat, you do the holidays, you find yourself, you want to go to the future world. Yes, of course. Tell me, which part goes to the future world? Which? The skirts, the... What about the wig, is it going to go? You put it in the green bin, you say if I want this one. the wig. Yeah. No, it's what you have become. How do you know you are becoming? Because it's not easy. It's hard to change. Yeah. I say, my wife, 40 years of marriage, 40 years of work, 40 years of happiness. Never, at no point, was there an effort to say, well. Did you understand or not? Why? Because effort makes you strong, and when you are strong, there is no more effort. How do you say strong in Hebrew? Gubor. And guubor is guer and guer is adult. So if you are an adult, what is it? Adult. Guverte is a lady. Yalda is a little girl. Guverette is a lady. It's a lady, a mature woman. Yeah. So if you are mature, you are guévè. If you are guévert, yeah, you are strong. If you are strong, there is no more effort. So all the people who feel like they have to do this, I sighed, to make efforts, it's not because the situation demands it, it's because they don't want to grow. Now, what makes you grow is change. And change is that your deep nature changes. And it's your changed deep nature that goes to the Olam Haba. And where do you measure the changed deep nature? In the fact that you live what you think. Okay? So you want to know if you are married, look at how you react. You want to know if it was your parents, but not once a year. Look at how you assume your children. If you say "Yes, but I know I have a weight problem, but I can't resist the cakes." It's okay. But at least eat them and enjoy them, because if you enjoy sugar, you'll live to 82. If you remove sugar, well, you'll live to 83. It's a shame because you've been miserable for 82 years because you say "Oh, I love sugar, I can't eat it, I'm not allowed. Excuse me, I'm not allowed. Ah, I can't. Ah, I can't." They enjoyed it just as much. But if you truly think it's bad for you, you don't miss it, like you want to, right? Like drugs, you don't miss them. No, pornography either. So you understood one thing: something that is bad for you, when you have accepted that it is bad for you, you don't miss it. So why does he miss it? Why does he go every evening on... Does he miss it? Why does he miss it? Because he hasn't solved the problem. So that means that his kedusha has not entered his heart. So he has not become holy enough to be able to fight this tendency. So he is attracted. It's like the guy, he insults, he insults his wife. Then he apologizes, "Forgive me, my love, it just slipped out." So the wife says "I accept your apology, but I have a question. Why does it never slip out with your mother?" Because it's something that is uncontrolled. So the logic is this. It's a logic of conditioning. When you have conditioned yourself to enormous, enormous respect that is linked to enormous recognition, then even by mistake, you cannot disrespect. Did you understand or not? So it's not the bad word that is serious. What is serious is that it is symptomatic of a problem of consciousness of the respect you have for the other. Everything is the same. But the guy, he worked, worked, worked, worked on honesty. He refused big deals of deception. He rejected enormous contracts that were scams. The day they offered him a small insider trading deal for $5,000. He can't. He can't. So you say "But because it's forbidden." No. Because it's not good. No. Because it's not pretty. No. Why? It's against nature. That means that honesty has entered his nature. Yeah. I see people, they tell me "Rabbi, I forgot to put on the tefillin." How did you forget? Have you ever seen a guy arrive at work without pants? The secretary says "Excuse me, I think the bottom is missing." Besides, there's no underwear either. I thought "Oh, there's a significant draft." But you can't go to work without underwear. You walked 35 minutes in the street, you realize everything, you walked down the entire avenue, Fifth Avenue without underwear and without pants. But that's madness, that's an incredible level of unconsciousness. No, no, that never happens. Oh really? That never happens. Oh really? So how did you forget the tefillin? It means the tefillin have not entered your heart. Did you understand what I said or not? Yeah. So what does that mean? It means that everything we practice consciously is so that it enters the subconscious. I'll tell this last illustration and then I'll leave you alone because it's been 1 hour and 21 minutes, so half the room must be praying for me to choke. There's one who said "I notice my grandmother, my mother's mother." Well, my two grandmothers were real tzadekot because she was on her deathbed, she was dying and she was already a bit in a coma and it was over. Besides, it's very strange because the last thing she asked before falling into a coma was to go to the bathroom and wash. She said "I don't want to leave dirty. Look what she was thinking about before she died." Okay? Well, and so she goes into a coma and there's one of the granddaughters, well, who is religious from the start, thank God. Well, she's in Jerusalem, it's Shabbat, what does she do? She says "I'm going to make some herbal tea for grandma." So she takes her Shabbat items, she lights the Shabbat fire in Jerusalem. She takes water, she heats it. Shabbat in Jerusalem, she puts the tea in it. Shabbat in Jerusalem, bishul min ha'esh. And then she takes the... she waits for it to cool down a bit. She puts it in the mouth of the grandmother who was in a coma. Yeah. And the grandmother in a coma says to her, she says "Shabbat is Shabbat. Shabbat." Million-dollar question. Which of the two is in a coma? [laughter] The granddaughter. Mm-hmm. Did you understand the other one? She's 20 years old, she's fully conscious, she's in Jerusalem, Israel. It's not like she's in Togo in a hut making ambawa. Yeah. And she takes, she lights the fire like that, relaxed. Yeah. And she heats the water. She sees it boiling. She says "Ah, thank God, it's working." And she puts the tea in and still in a coma. And the other one in a coma says, listen carefully to what I'm telling you. That means that because she had a crazy soul, my grandmother. Listen to me carefully, she practiced so much, she invested so much, she sacrificed so much for Shabbat, it's over. It's her nature. Shabbat is her nature. Okay? So she can't, not even by mistake, not even in a coma. Yeah. You see the other one, she takes her car. Shabbat, baba. Well, you know where the chapel is? Ah, come on, let's go. And she sings. She takes her car on Shabbat and she sings. Israel Shabbat. Ay ay ay. There was my grandfather's pawn shop in Marrakech. He was known. Yeah. But it's okay, you don't feel like it, but walk. No, because it hasn't entered his heart. It has entered the habits. It has entered the culture because she's the one organizing the wedding. I'm not telling you to have a wedding, but a wedding for $125,000 just in alcohol. Yeah, but she doesn't do chamal. Maybe the tzadik prefers you to do $100 of hiloula but that you do chamal. Do you understand what I mean or not? Yeah. So, so what does that mean? It means that when it's written "va'yigash", it means that Yehoshua put himself in a mental and moral situation and it works. You also have husbands, well, one husband, I hope. Yeah. So you put yourself in a mental situation to talk to him and your children put you in a mental situation to transmit to them and before you speak, something happens. And well, with Hashem it's the same, you put yourself in a mental situation that you are in front of Hashem and women even more so because we men, we need prayer, we need tefillin, we need the synagogue, you don't need it. Yeah, I said it, I studied Halakha Berachot, I practically memorized the 5th chapter which talks about prayer, I studied the Rambam, I studied the Rosh, all the commentaries of the Gemara on the passage of Kavanah, concentration, I studied the Rambam in Yiddish, okay? Maimonides on concentration in prayer. I studied after Rabbi Efraim on the Rambam, I studied the Chazon Ish on Rabbi Efraim. Yeah. I did rabbinic presentations on Kavanah. I studied the Nefesh Haim, the second part which talks about Kavanah. I studied Kabbalah books on Kavanah and I haven't reached the Kavanah of my mother. Yeah, who can't read and who in the morning puts her hand on the mezuzah and prays. Ah ah. Did you understand the difference? It's that sometimes the sophisticated distances you from the natural. So I wish you much happiness, much success, much good. So just before you leave, because that's why I brought my wife's book, it's extraordinary. Okay? So, I was in Ramat Gan two Shabbats ago. A woman told me "Listen, I read your wife's book. I was touched, I was shocked, I cried throughout the entire reading but I didn't know her." And then in the evening, I slept, I dreamed of her. So to tell you that the book is very, very strong. So I recommend it to you. Uh, then you have the blue book called "The Life". I don't know if you can see it from here. So this one corresponds to about 3 years of therapy. Now, I know you don't need it. Thank God, you all have a coach that you pay very expensively. And then there's the book called "Method of Use". So in fact, it's a coach who wrote it because my problem is that the course is very, very dense. Okay? Here, for example, you have listened to the course. Okay. If I can give you one piece of advice, I recorded it, I'll put it on YouTube. Yeah. If you want, you don't have to. Again, the right to be stupid is constitutional, you leave it for two or three days, you have to let it settle because the hurricane Yahya has passed through your city. You take the course, you listen to it again, noting each sentence because you have retained an average of 1.8% according to psychologists. Yeah. So you take your notes again, then you... it will take you 30-40 pages, then you cut it into 12 sequences and then you put each sequence into practice for a month and in a year we'll meet again, I'll come back and you'll tell me the course from last time, I understood. I'm not exaggerating, psychologists tell me that the course on joy is a year of therapy. It lasts an hour, the course. And finally, you have the red book. If you don't have the opportunity to do 15 years of yeshiva, but the only advantage you have if you buy it is that I can make a blessing in it. And as the Gemara says that it's