be the villain.

People love you when you're easy to control. But when you're not, when you don't agree with them, when you keep your head up, when you have your own thoughts, when you say no, when you have boundaries, and when you don't shrink yourself to make other people comfortable, yeah, that's a problem for them, isn't it? Suddenly, you're the villain, right?

The second you stop choosing other people's peace, wants, needs, comfortability above your own, you're the problem. The second you stop being convenient and benefiting them, you're a problem. You're the villain, right?

People will call you cold, toxic, dramatic, a problem causer, or just a problem. But here's the thing: those people were never praising you because you were kind or you were nice to them. They praised you and kept you around when you were useful to them.

When people realize that they can't benefit from you anymore, they try to destroy the version of you that they can no longer control. And when that happens, they try to spin the narrative and call you the villain. You're the monster. You're the problem, right?

Your only real option is to stop running away from it. Double down on it and use it for your benefit. Become the villain.

[Music]

Hello, my name is Gracie Draasco. If you're new here, welcome to my channel. If you recognize me, welcome back. Today, we're going to be talking about becoming the villain.

And you know what's really funny? The moment you stop being really easy to control, people start to paint you as this horrible villain. Not because you actually did anything wrong, but because you're not backing down anymore. You're not agreeing with them. You're not making their little narrative easier. You're not making them comfortable anymore. You're not choosing their peace over your own. And that's a problem for them.

They're not benefiting from you. Remember, you are a tool. You're something to be used for them. So, when you don't work and you don't fit their narrative, they're going to flip it on you and make you seem like you are the villain.

They're not mad because you're mean. They're mad because you're not useful to them the way that you used to be. And instead of sitting there with the fact that they can't push you around anymore, they would rather paint you as extremely toxic, a mess, and a problem.

If they're going to call you the villain for standing up for yourself, having a backbone, having boundaries and morals and some self-worth, and throwing all of that crap back at them that they threw at you first, then so be it. Be the villain.

Once you become comfortable with being the villain, your life gets so, so, so, so much better. People respect you more. You have way more value for yourself. Other people have way more value for you. People don't waste your time as much. And yes, you're going to come off as intimidating, but who cares? Most of the times, that's just a natural human filtering system to filter out people that were never worthy to be around you in the first place.

So, how do you actually become the villain? Let's get right into it and waste no time. I'm going to be putting this video into multiple sections so that it's easier for you to understand. This is section one: the lie of being the bigger person.

One of the biggest lies that you've ever been told since you were a child was to be the bigger person. You are literally taught and groomed to accept this type of behavior and to not confront it so that that person can be more comfortable. They make it seem like for you, "Oh, you're being the better person. You're rising above, right?" By not reacting, not throwing stuff back, and not giving it back to them because two wrongs don't make a right, right?

While that is true in some situations, most the time it's not. "Be the bigger person" was not created to protect you. It was created to control you. Remember this. It's one of the most manipulative phrases out there known to mankind that has been so normalized and has actually caused much, much more harm than it has good. The idea was literally built to protect narcissists.

"Be the bigger person" teaches you to stay calm while you're being disrespected, to forgive people who never apologize, to avoid confrontation even when it's truly, truly needed, and to prioritize everybody else's comfort over your own. The worst part is when you follow it, you get praised for it, but you don't actually see that you're losing. Okay?

While yes, having no reaction and doing certain things for a narcissist are very, very true where you don't want to deal with them and you shouldn't be talking to them and going back and forth because it doesn't work, that's a whole science on its own. There is a big, huge missing piece of this puzzle though.

When you rise above someone being nasty to you by not giving it back to them and not putting them in their place and not standing up for yourself and not having a backbone, boundaries, and morals, it actually makes that person lose even more respect for you where they keep coming back and continue to do it to you until you give it back to them and show them you are going to protect yourself and no one can just come and screw with you.

You know, "be the bigger person" is really just a phrase that grooms you into self-abandonment. And the horrible people in the world are clapping everyone for it. They're super happy, ecstatic, and so confident when they come at you with their passive aggressiveness and their snarky, nasty, disgusting comments, knowing that you are better than them. Deep down, they know that. They're just going to assume that you're going to follow that "be the bigger person" philosophy and you're not going to do anything back 'cause you're too scared and wimpy to actually stand up for yourself. Because that's what "be the bigger person" did: it raised a bunch of wimps. Nobody stands up for themselves anymore.

Of course, there's a way to do it to still be classy and put together. Like, you don't need to go be a huge mess. You know, that's what this whole video is about. Nothing's wrong with returning some passive aggressiveness to someone that did it to you. Nothing's wrong with that. Nothing is wrong with protecting yourself. You need to get that out of your head. You need to get that out of your head. It took me so long to unlearn that.

So, no more "be the bigger person," okay? Not over here. When you're ready to become the villain and you don't care about what anyone else has to say about it and you're ready to step into that energy and protect yourself, there's none of that around here. You want to do that to me, I'm going to do it right back to you.

Obviously, context matters here. A lot of context matters. But in a lot of my content, I deep dive into things I do because I'm evil and tests I do on people without them knowing and ways I make people uncomfortable on purpose. Those are all, those are all self-defense tactics. Okay, those are all a form of not being the bigger person. Okay, I did that long enough. And you know what got me? Screwed. Walked all over, stepped on, disrespected. I lost all value for myself and it will never happen again. It will never happen again.

So, everyone that ever told me, "Be the bigger person. You're better than that. You're better than that." Yeah, I am. That's why I would never go do it to somebody first. Out of nowhere, to someone that never did it to me. That is low. But as soon as you cross that line and you do it to me first, unprovoked, you lost that little privilege of me being the bigger person. Okay? Now, I'm going to serve you some back. It might not be the exact same thing, but it will be my own version of my self-protection. My version of standing up for myself. It's no longer completely forgetting about it. I'm not going to acknowledge that what you just did to me. I'm not going to acknowledge that you're doing something super, super disgusting to me and I'm going to just allow you to continue to do it. No, I'm going to stand up for myself and I'm going to assess that situation how I see fit, not by being the bigger person. Being the bigger person most of the time will not benefit you.

Now we're getting into section two: how to stop being so easy to use. You want to know what will truly make someone do a full 180 on you and show you your true colors? Become non-usable to them.

If they're asking you for rides every single day, say, "Hey, I'm busy this week. I can't give you any more rides." See what they do. Stop laughing at jokes that aren't funny. Stop overexplaining yourself. Stop pretending things don't bother you just to keep the peace. You're not keeping your peace. You're keeping their peace and you're saying to your own peace. None of that.

When you stop doing all of that, people lose it. People spiral. Okay? This is where the "you're the villain" starts to come out. "You're the problem. You're the drama. You're this and that." Okay? When you stop doing these things and you stop letting people walk all over you and use you, that is truly when the monsters come out, the real monsters, the real villains. But we're the villain, remember? This is why I'm saying become the villain and get used to it. If you're going to have a backbone in life, get used to being called this. Love it. Embrace it. Because they don't actually miss you. They miss what you would do for them. They miss when you were available on demand for them.

When you make the shift, everyone's going to start saying, "Oh, you're being so weird. You're acting so different. What happened to you?" "Yeah, I am different. Yes, I did change. You're not going to use me anymore. I'm no longer that person that you are benefiting off of all the time and using." "Yeah, I did change."

Being an easy tool never protected me, but being the villain will. Being extremely understanding of people didn't stop them from taking advantage of me, but being the villain will. Being extremely loyal and kind to other people never stopped them from lying to me, stealing from me, gaslighting me, trying to control me, but being the villain will.

So, no, I am not the same person anymore. If that upsets the person that used to benefit from me tolerating all of that BS, then you can be disappointed. And that is where your mindset needs to be at, okay?

When you're ready to become the villain and you're ready to take all of the power back to yourself and you're ready to stop giving it to other people that don't deserve it, you need to have this mentality 'cause a lot of you are people pleasers and you don't want to admit it to yourselves. But you value other people's acceptance and validation over your own boundaries and morals and you can't live like that anymore. You can't live like that anymore.

I hate the phrase, but "the world doesn't revolve around you." Yes, it does. This is your world. This is my world. My world absolutely revolves around me. I'm going to do what's best for me and what I care about, not for you. And you should be doing the same thing. What's best for you? The world does revolve around you. So, what decisions are you going to make now moving forward that benefit you and protect you because nobody else is?

You can keep living by these BS phrases that were designed to groom you and shrink you down into something that will never stand up for yourself. Or you can finally learn to stand up for yourself and start living a better, healthier life where you're happier and people don't do this to you anymore. It's up to you.

Now, we're getting into part three, which is what being the villain actually means. Being the villain doesn't mean you're actually a cruel, horrible nightmare of a person. Okay? We're not doing all that unless we're provoked. Unless we're provoked. But we're not doing it when it's uncalled for to innocent people that do not deserve it. We're not letting people that do that to us slide anymore.

You're not going to shrink yourself to make other people comfortable. Okay? If you being you makes other people uncomfortable and makes them upset, that's fine. Keep doing it. You do not need to wear something else to make your friend feel more comfortable. Okay? No. Wear what you wanted to wear. Be confident in it. And if your own friend is that unstable to feel a type of way about what you're wearing, I'm sorry. Is that your boyfriend? Even your boyfriend shouldn't be doing all that. But like, are you guys dating? That is outrageous.

Do not shrink yourself to become easier to swallow. Okay? You are not a babysitter for other people's egos. I could care less about somebody's ego. Screw your ego. Okay? I'm not babysitting it. If your ego is that fragile where I need to shrink myself and become less, maybe you should work on becoming a little bit more. I don't know what to tell you. How are you going to live in this life? You need to become stronger. You need to become better. Don't worry about those people. You're not a babysitter. You are not a babysitter. Let their egos shatter for all you care. Let them screw them. You're here for you. You're here for your life experience. What are you going to do with your life? And do you really want to look back and be like, "Oh, I didn't wear that because my friend wasn't comfortable." Okay, well, who's paying for it? Now you're the one paying for not doing that, not your friend. Pick yourself. You need to choose yourself.

And yes, a lot of people are going to say, "Oh, you're so selfish." Okay. Yeah, selfish people win. We all know this. Choose yourself every single time because all you have, the only person you can control and the only person you can count on at the end of the day is yourself.

Clap back. Stand up for yourself. Say no without explaining. You do not need an explanation. Proudly say no. People like you a lot more when you're insecure, when you have horrible feelings about yourself. They love when you're really easy to guilt because that means you're very, very, very easy to control and to get to do whatever they want. And they love when you don't know your own self-worth because again, it makes you super, super fragile and easy to control for them for their benefit. So they're just going to keep using you like you're a tool in a tool shed. But as soon as you start throwing their own manipulation back in their face, they're going to be really, really set back and uncomfortable, and they're not going to want to do that again.

Becoming the villain is finally what happens when you're sick and tired and fed up of playing nice and getting burnt away. It's also so important to realize that people are going to talk bad about you no matter what you do. So, you might as well do whatever the hell you want. You might as well be all of these things that they're already calling you anyway. Give them a reason to call you a villain, you know?

I love that a lot of people talk so, so, so poorly of me, especially when they've never met me before. It just makes me laugh because I know that I've always been a great, kind person anyways. And just when the complete opposite's being said of you, when there's nothing holding that up, it's just like, "You know what? Let me give you a reason. Let me give you a reason. I'm so evil. I'm the problem." Okay, I might as well start acting like it. I'm going to start acting like it. Thank you for introducing the new me to my old me. Thank you for bringing those two together because now, now I'm really going to be a problem. And you need to have that mindset as well because people are going to say that anyways. No matter what, they're going to say that. You need to be comfortable with it. You need to become the villain. You need to be more than happy with that. Keeping the peace with other people costs, first of all, way too much and it doesn't work anyway. Pick yourself.

Now for part four: how do you actually protect yourself by being this villain? This is the part no one talks about. Anyone can tell you "be the villain, be the villain" all day, but they don't actually tell you how. It's not just about cutting people off or throwing tantrums or blocking your entire contact list or anyone that's ever disrespected you. It's about strategy, okay?

Start acting like someone that has something to protect. Start treating your time, your energy, and your voice like it's something expensive because it is. It is. Okay?

Start disappointing people early on. Do not say yes to things that you know you will resent. Do not meet up with people to talk things out when you know very well they're just going to go back and forth with you for hours on trying to get you to tolerate their disrespect all over again. Say no. No. You disagreed with me once. That's it. Bye-bye. Don't need you.

Become unavailable to chaos. Oh, your friends are doing behind your back the whole time. Leave the friend group. Leave the group chat. You can do a petty exit if you want, but leave. Don't let them control you anymore. Don't let them get that one over on you by doing in front of your face and behind your back and letting it get back to you each time because I promise you that's 100% intentional and they're winning for as long as you keep allowing that to happen to you. So, remove yourself. You can do a petty exit if you want, but remove yourself.

Start being unpredictable. Okay? Don't let people know what you're always going to do because then again, you're still easy to control. Make people earn your presence, okay? They want you to go to their thing. Make them earn a relationship with you first. Don't just give out your friendship and your presence like it's a party favor. That lowers your value in the eyes of other people.

And most importantly, do not explain yourself to people who have already decided that you're the problem. When they decide that you're the problem, be the problem. Let them believe that. Be it. Do not explain with it. Do not argue with it. And do not overexplain to it. It's a trap. They're very much not confused. They're just extremely mad that you stopped letting them win and benefit off of you.

To wrap things up, I know that becoming the villain sounds a little bit harsh, but it's not. It's survival. If you know, you know. This video is not for you. Unless you've been chewed up and spit out so many times that you're just done with it all. You've had it all and you're ready to move into this. Because sometimes that's really what it takes. Sometimes you will not have it in you to start acting like this and especially throwing things back in their face when they threw it at you first. You sometimes you just really won't have it in you to do that back to people because you're still such an empath and you don't want to give back to them even though they did it to you. I know how that is. It just might not be your time yet. You will get there though. I don't wish it on anybody. But especially if you're a beautiful young woman that has a lot of things going for yourself. If you're not there yet, you will get there. Okay?

You're going to be called toxic when you stop being the emotional trash can. You're going to get called selfish when you start choosing yourself over other people, which is crazy. I would never expect someone else to choose me over themselves. That's absurd. But, uh, most of the people in the world are genuinely like that and they believe that they are more important than you. So, when you start choosing yourself, they think, "Oh, she thinks she's more important than me. How dare she? She's the villain." You have to be ready for these types of people because that's most the people in this world. So, when they've chewed you up and spit you out enough times, that's when you're finally ready to actually take all of this in and start being the villain.

I hate to say it, but this is your villain era, okay? But we're not doing era. You're going to be this for the rest of your life. You're going to protect yourself for the rest of your life. You're going to hold your boundaries for the rest of your life. You're going to have morals for the rest of your life. Continue to treat yourself like you have the highest amount of self-worth ever because you do for the rest of your life. All of this "being the bigger person" and getting spit on and stepped on and wiped the floor with is done. You're the villain now.

Please make sure to subscribe to my channel. I post anywhere from one time to three times a week. I just got started on YouTube a couple months ago and I'm so glad that I did. As long as I could help even one person, it's worth it. Thank you guys so much for all the support that you've been giving me. It means the whole entire world. You don't even know. Comment below what other topics you'd like to see me speak on because I have a lot of things that I would like to share. And as always, I will see you guys on the next one. Bye.

[Music]