Transcription
Airway that's a priority. That goes in here. He's been sick on me. I'm coming.
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This stop vomiting, you idiot. It also has an optional extra on it. It has air conditioning. Yes, yes. It has something else. Ah, yes. No, I didn't do what this actually means in Italian is "Bell end." Go, come on, a little NOA. Here we go. Here. Oh.
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That's see, that was enormous. But, and this is crucial, a lot of people ask me this: can you get Sienna Miller in the glove box? Well, let's find out. Sienna, are you, are you in there? Yeah, you are. And are you comfortable? Very. Marvelous. Goodbye. Good mark for the Yeti. There to try and understand why the Robin was so popular up north. I pulled over to chat to some enthusiasts. So, this is the start. Yeah, careful. So, this one goes now. James, just do them when I'm getting the... No, that's what the bloody hell. Oops. It's gone. What the cat? No, the cat had not fared well. Then a young policeman arrived. Where was the cat before? It's the, but the, so, is it your cat? Or it's dead. And its name? Tiddles. Dead Tiddles. Ex-cat. Okay. Ah, that's not gone well. Sorry, sorry. That's gone badly wrong. It's going to come. Oh, sorry, sorry. Having failed the handbrake test, he's knocked down the sign warning him how steep the hill is. Great news. What the days? They know what it is. But this teamwork nonsense wasn't getting us anywhere. Ram me, Jeremy, go. It's going to be dark by the time I get there.
Okay, I'm very happy with the Buick Lasabre Custom. How big's your engine? 5.7 liters. 7 liters V8 motor. 160 horsepower. In the Buick, it's 200 horsepower. Okay. How do they get so few horsepower from a V8 motor? I don't know. And then if you're losing, you just go for the... I've never used a tampon. That is a winner. That is a winner. I remember that tip. I have. You've used a tampon? Are you sure? You know spillage. Oh, mate. What? Well, I had, I had a bit of an accident on the cooker once. Sorry, this is getting worse. Hear me well. You boiling something? I was doing something with milk in it, and I'm, you know, it boiled over, and it goes in that bit at the back where you can't get your finger in. And if you don't clean it up, if you don't clean that out, it goes rancid and it smells forever. You use tampons to clean a cooker? This is... I couldn't get my finger in it. 60. Now.
[ __ ] Whoa, that didn't look good for James. Look at your Capri. Never mind the sodding Capri, look at that. I think this we... you, you, you can get these in order. I'm sorry, mate. Eventually, we did find fresh meat, but it was a bit too fresh. I thought you were going to run over. No, even I wouldn't do that. What? You don't do that. Tortoise. How can you have? There's no wild tortoises. Well, they've got to be somewhere. It's escaped from some 8-year-old girl. How does a tortoise escape? Come back, come back. 20, 30. Oh, yeah, that's just massively improved it. No, it's made no difference. Let it rock. Go on. Yeah, that's much better. That isn't. No, no. Why did he break so soon? Ow. What's this? Crocodiles here. It's hairy crocodiles. Do have hairy ears? They don't even have ears. Did you know that was a crocodile? It was coming to eat us, and my Claymore saved our lives. Look what we've got here, Hammond. It's a crocodile's hoof. You've detonated one of the man's cows. Let's not get bogged down with... Oh, blow up this. Though it does have a reverse gear. So here we go. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Here he comes. Ladies, do your hats. Roll out the barrel. Any old iron? Any old iron? I'm going to give it a full Sterling Moss. Yeah, it's like very briefly. Then we turn west across this island. Then we're going across here, which is frozen sea, which will be quite smooth and easy. Onto this, which is Bathurst Island. Now, there could be a couple of ravines and so on. It's quite mountainous here. But once we've got across there, there's a checkpoint here where fuel has been dropped for us. Don't that obviously. Food. Can of meat. But I'll do a little bit of all that sort of stuff. Um, and then we go again across frozen sea, which should be fairly easy, except maybe for the old pressure ridge, which has been built up by the force of ice coming down from the north. And maybe the odd ice boulder field or something. Then we continue. We have to skirt around this island, but we cross the land here. And the Magnetic North Pole is there, approximately 400 miles away. Good. Any questions? No. What you're saying is we leave here and go north for a bit? Pretty much. Yeah. What I'm interested in is what's that area called as we cross Bathurst Island? Oh, the, uh, Reserve National. The, the Polar Bear Pass. Why is it called Polar Bear Pass? In my mind, it's a pass full of polar bears. That's exactly what it is. If we've made it to there, we're in with a good chance. But there is still, of course, the possibility that, well, as much as 100 yards from our go... Is that a building? It is a building. Is it now? What have we...
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Found. Oh God, it's full of stuff. Oh, this is a great bedroom. Do you think that's fantastic finding that? James, have you forgotten something? What? We're in a race. No, we're miles ahead. Come on. This is worth seeing. Nobody ever comes here. When do you think someone was last here? Oh, no wonder why nobody ever comes here. I can't believe you don't find this really interesting. Meanwhile, Richard Hammond tears past his dog. A chair past. Look here, James, a whole sitting room. No, look, it's a cupboard full of crockery. The cupboard with crockery in it. Please stop being fatuous. It's in... interesting. Maybe I could lie down on this sofa. Well, maybe frozen together. Look, look what it is. This dates. Do you know what that is? The Sorby Pyrex. 70s. So, is this the accommodation block? I think so. Yeah. There you go. There's a bedroom. Only one like. Problem. I like the Datsun. It was honest and simple. It was refreshing. It's broken.
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I know you're supposed to give a not count the cost, but it was €4,000. Eventually, we pulled over for a spot of Romanian lunch where, for a change, Jeremy had an opinion on something. Can I just say as well, James? Yeah. You brought the wrong car. I'm not interested. No, but it's true. Supposed to be... What's wrong with it? Because it's a supercar. These are cars are proper cars. They've got boots at the back, engines at the front. They're proper cars. But they're also, they're the one step up from the Mercedes SL or BMW 6 Series. They're that sort of car. Not that. So, what can't I do in that car that you can do in yours? You're going to be less comfortable in that than we are. And you can't drive around without looking slightly like you're trying to imagine you're on a racetrack, which you're not. You're behind a lorry in Romania. And every time you want to put a suitcase in it, you're going to have to lift the front up, and you're going to get dirty hands. I can't drive around without looking as if I think I'm on a racetrack, says the man in the Ferrari who spent their whole life going on about overing. Man, that's the point. Nobody cares about that. Nobody looks. Oh, yeah, well, that's a... but actually, it's a GT car. Do you remember Georgians and Victorians went on grand tours in Northern Italy? Did they go on sports horses or long-loping horses? This would be good. They went on the train. Yeah. I need to do the calculation to get it into gallons, don't I? Which is times divide by 4.45. Yes. Put it in the memory. I don't know how you do that. Memory plus. Got my GL. The gallons by you. Hopeless. 4.4. No, gallons divide by memory plus. Done that. Then clear. 4.45. It by James. Wait a minute. What was your mileage? 4.45. What? What was your mileage? Oh, what is my mileage? This is pathetic. Is my mileage? Do you want divide it by 4.45? What's there? Why have you made... Okay, so it's 26. What to divide the mileage by the... the gallons by 26.4. If you've got gallons, that's my mileage. Right. Press the divide button. I've got liters, which is that one. It's like a dash with a dot on. Yes. Yes. Yes. And then, and then press memory recall, which is that. Gallons. Yes. And then press equals, and you should have a figure. I know what 4.45. Right, right. Hammond, since you cheated and hardly drove anywhere today, what miles to the gallon? He wasn't going very fast either. So it was the fastest car here, but you weren't stretching your car. So it... it was faster. It was well within its own capability. It was faster than everybody else. You were cruising. What is the mile... 9.86. 9.1 miles to the gallon. James, 8. Not quite thirsty. Go. It gone. Six. Preceded Alex Ferguson as manager of Manchester United. Kenny Dalglish. Was it Ron Atkinson? He's a local builder. He plays Mr. Bean. Sorry to interrupt, but I think Hammond really loves that Mustang. What is he doing? In 1969, the year I was born, which legend scored what was claimed as his 1,000th goal? George Best. Pele. You know the Ferrari F430 at...
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What? They got a bit squirrely there. I've had a crisis. Jiggle it. I'm jiggling like a bugger just now. You can go down. Oh, Jerry. I didn't, I didn't mean... Relate it all together. Dropped it through the bloody car. Maybe the trick is to sneak up on them and do it quietly. Right, watch this. Right. Got you. Got you. Got you. Go. How the hell does it do that? This lady was cross, but not as cross as the garage's owner. Ask you now, are you all gay? Looking to see how long it takes to get beat up in a high town. I'm not gay. I'm married. I've got three children. Let's get it.
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All. Let get it. Oh. [ __ ] he loser. Right, well, why are you doing this? Hang on a second. Is that it? What a success. 182. James, it's pathetic. It looks like something a builder would leave behind. It's not. It's a... Honestly, it's a good car. This kite. Yeah. Hammond, however, had more to worry about than the heat. What the is that? Oh, there's something in here squeaking at me. I'm, I'm... Oh. Oh, what is that? I can't stand that. I can't stand that. I'm got to get out. You wait till you see what happens to a house when it is presented with this moving at 400 RPM. It explodes. You'll be okay, but that's about it. It just goes around doing this. It's like a mechanical cat. Right, I'm utterly beaten by a man in a giant condom walking across a muddy river. Steady. And for God's sake.
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No, you're so unfunny. God above. James had lost this challenge.