Transcription
If you have to wonder if a man likes you, I promise you he doesn't. In fact, he might even hate you. And I know what a lot of you are going to say, "Well, if he hates me, why would he be in a relationship with me? Why would he say that he loves me? Why would he live with me?" And I am going to break that down in today's video. I'm going to explain exactly why men stay in relationships with women that they hate. I'm going to tell you the warning signs that a man could actually hate you and phrases that you should never ignore. So by the end of this video, if you have any kind of confusion on where you stand with a man, that will be resolved.
Hi, my name is Ali. I'm a dating strategist and women's coach here to help you step into your fullest potential so you can get the love and respect you deserve. So why do men stay in relationships with women that they hate? Number one is out of convenience. They have already built a life with you. You guys are already living together, going 50/50 on the rent. And so you being in his life is so convenient. You're doing his laundry, you're cooking for him, you're cleaning for him, and he has someone that he can have regular intimacy with. And so you being in his life makes it so much better. And if you love and care for this man and he is not treating you correctly and you continue to stay, what that's actually showing him is that he doesn't actually have to change because there are no consequences for his actions. And so he can have his cake and eat it too. He can live with you, have this incredible life where you are tending to his every need, and he can go out and cheat on you, betray you, and disrespect you. And so the convenience of you being in his life is why he stays.
The second reason why men stay in relationships with women that they don't love is because they are afraid to be alone. This is not just something that women experience. Some men are so scared to be alone and they feel so empty that they constantly need a woman in their life. In fact, you might have already experienced this for yourself where you will break up with a man and the next day, the next week, there is already another woman in his life because he cannot confront the difficult emotions that he's feeling. And so instead of dealing with them, he represses them and then he buries these wounds into the next woman.
The third reason why men stay in relationships with women that they don't love is because of ego and control. They don't want you, but they can't stand the idea of someone else being with you. They can't stand the idea of someone else making you happy and someone treating you better. And so have you ever noticed where you will date someone or you'll get involved with a man and he doesn't want to be with you, he doesn't want to commit to a relationship with you, but he will not leave you alone? And so men will hang as long as you allow them to hang because a woman's presence in his life makes it so much better and they get such an ego boost knowing that you will always be there. It doesn't matter how badly they treat you, how much they disrespect you, how much they embarrass you and betray you, you will never stop loving him and you will never stop being loyal to him. I want you to understand that there is already a woman in his life who loves him unconditionally and loves him to that level, and that is his mother. You have to know your role and act accordingly because no man who is inherently benefiting from the access you are giving to him is going to tell you to your face, "I don't like you. I don't even respect you, but I just don't want someone else to have you because you being in my life, you make my life so much more convenient, you make it so much easier." And so the thought of you being with someone else makes me so upset, makes me so angry. I'm going to give you all of these mixed signals so that you never get over me and you will never be with another man who can give you everything that I won't.
The next reason why men stay in relationships with women that they don't love is out of resentment and societal pressure. Some men refuse to get divorced because them getting divorced is a sign of weakness, a sign of failure to the men around them. And so they would rather stay in a relationship where they are miserable and cheat on these women than have a divorce and have that be publicized. They would rather cheat on their partner than split half of everything that they own. In fact, some men would rather unalive their entire family than get divorced. It is actually disturbing.
And the last reason why men stay in relationships with women that they don't love is internalized misogyny. They are so conflicted because they dislike women, but they still desire them. They resent the fact that women can just be beautiful and attract all of this positive attention towards themselves. They immediately raise a man's social status and they resent having to take on any responsibility of being a protector or of being a provider. And so they'll be in relationships with women, but they will demean them and disrespect them behind closed doors.
Now let's get into the signs that a man secretly hates you. Number one, he embarrasses you in public. He says all kinds of out-of-pocket things when you are with your friends, when you're with your family, when you are in a group setting. He will say something to belittle you. He will criticize your weight, he will criticize your appearance. He will do something that you know bothers you. And because you are in public, he knows that you are not going to make a scene in front of everybody, but you will be absolutely mortified. In fact, it actually makes him happy knowing that he is showing everyone else that you are below him. When actually it has the opposite effect because everybody looks around and looks at him and thinks, "Who in the world speaks this way about their partner?"
The second sign that a man secretly hates you is he negs you. Negging is a manipulative tactic where people will give backhanded compliments to try and lower your self-esteem, to try and lower your self-worth because if you were to see your worth, you would never be with a man like that. For example, you could go out on a date with a man and let's say you're a short brunette. He'll say, "You know, I've only gone out on dates with blonde models, you know, that's just my type. But now as I've gotten older, looks aren't as important to me." He's trying to knock you down a peg. And any man who feels the need to belittle you or speak down to you is a man that shouldn't be in your life. And it is a clear sign that he actually hates you.
The next sign that a man secretly hates you is he will belittle your goals and dreams. I will never forget when I was engaged, I was talking to my partner about how I wanted to be a content creator and essentially do what I'm doing now. And I remember the topic of kids came up and I told him I would consider having children if he was open to being a stay-at-home dad. And he said, "Oh yeah, that would be fine. I'd be more than happy to do that." But as time went on and I was talking about my goals and dreams and I would sit down and film and I would tell him about all these milestones that I was hitting, he actually became resentful and he would belittle my accomplishments and then he would just say things like, "The market is super saturated. It's so hard to be a content creator." And so he would plant these seeds of doubt to try and stop me from achieving my goals and dreams. And then after a while, when the topic of kids came up and I talked about him being a stay-at-home dad again, and he said, "Yeah, but that's actually if you do become successful." And it didn't occur to me until after I left that relationship just how messed up that was. Any man who tries to belittle your goals and dreams is not a man who should be in your life. In fact, I've learned this from the women that I've worked with who are driven, successful, ambitious. When you are that kind of woman, you only have two options: either a super supportive partner or no partner at all. Because if you are in a relationship with a man who hates you and you're a driven, ambitious woman, that man will be your downfall.
The next sign that a man secretly hates you is he is not affectionate unless you are engaging in a form of intimacy that only he likes, that only benefits him. In fact, your enjoyment is the lowest priority. He doesn't want to show subtle forms of intimacy that women often enjoy and value. It is all about him.
The next sign that a man secretly hates you is he forgets important dates and birthdays. I used to think it was normal that my fiance would act like he didn't know when my birthday was or when he didn't want to do anything for Valentine's Day. How a man treats you on your birthday is exactly how he feels about you.
The next sign that a man secretly hates you is he tries to make you feel undesirable or ugly. I will never forget, I was in Malaysia with my ex-fiance and he grabbed at my thigh and he's like, "What's this?" and he was like grabbing at some fat. And I was shocked. How does he feel so comfortable belittling my body? And it makes me so angry that I didn't stand up for myself. I was just so mortified and I felt so ashamed. A man who loves you and cares for you is not going to belittle your body. He's not going to make you feel bad about yourself. In fact, being in a relationship with a man who loves you is actually going to make you love yourself more. It's going to make you more audacious. It's going to make you more confident.
Now I'm going to get into phrases that you should never ignore that are telltale signs that the man you are dealing with hates you. Number one: "Why can't you be more like [insert woman's name]?" "Why can't you be more like my buddy's girlfriend? She's so laid-back, she's so chill." "Why can't you be more like my coworker? She supports everything that I do and she thinks that I'm so funny." Any man who's trying to compare you to another woman is a man who doesn't value you or respect you.
Number two: "You're too emotional." What that actually means is, "I am irritated by the fact that you have emotional needs. I feel like I'm settling by even being with you, and now you want me to do even more. You're lucky that I'm even here."
Number three: "I didn't ask you to do that." Instead of acknowledging the effort that you're putting forth and appreciating you for doing it, he's dismissing it all together.
And the last phrase that you should never ignore is when a man says, "I didn't tell you because I knew you would get angry." What he actually means when he says this to you is, "I didn't tell you the truth because I know that if I did, I would empower you with the information that would have made you walk away from me, that would have made you want to break up with me. But I didn't want that. I didn't want to have to deal with the consequences of my own actions. And so I decided to lie to you because I don't respect you whatsoever and I will continue to prioritize my own selfish needs over yours."
And those are all the signs that the man that you are dating doesn't like you. In fact, he might even hate you. If you made it to the end of the video, I want you to comment below the moment you realized that the man you were dating actually hated you. If you're watching this on YouTube, be sure to subscribe so that when I post new content, you can be the first to see it. And if you're watching this on the podcast, be sure to rate the podcast. And I'll see you in the next one.