Transcription
Back into those minds and tell me, tell us all, what is it that you fantasize about? World peace? Thought so. Do you fantasize about international fame?
>> Do you fantasize about winning a Pulitzer Prize or a Nobel Peace Prize, an MTV music award? Do you fantasize about meeting some genius hunk ostensibly bad but secretly simmering with noble passion and willing to sleep on the wet spot? I'll take two.
>> What was that?
>> I'll take two.
>> Take two.
You get Lan's point. Fantasies have to be unrealistic because the moment the second that you get what you seek, you don't, you can't want it anymore. In order to continue to exist, desire must have its objects perpetually absent. It's not the it that you want, it's the fantasy of it. So desire supports crazy fantasies. This is what Pascal means when he says that we are only truly happy when daydreaming about future happiness. Or why we say the hunt is sweeter than the kill, or be careful what you wish for, not because you'll get it. Because you're doomed not to want it once you do. So the lesson of Lan is living by your wants will never make you happy. What it means to be fully human is to strive to live by ideas and ideals and not to measure your life by what you've attained in terms of your desires, but those small moments of integrity, compassion, rationality, even self-sacrifice. Because in the end, the only way that we can measure the significance of our own lives is by valuing the lives of others.
What's good people? Welcome back to the Onyx Report. Black masculineist news for the day. Hope you're well. Like, share, subscribe, join, donate, support the channel. Um, so we can continue to bring you this independent blackmail thought. Right. So, there it is. I wanted to share something with you that I hoped would get you thinking. Right. It's a clip from the film Life of David Gale. Very incredible film, especially for men on a couple of different levels. Contemplating whether to show that on or to discuss it on Patreon really. Anyway, that aside, the reason I showed it is because I think in many ways as we have this conversation about the treatment of black men, most particularly by black women, one of the things we have to come into, we have to grapple with is this fantastical desire, this fantastical belief in what is often irrational and unrealistic. And, and by that I mean what it is women seem to want from black men, or black women in particular, right? And we can go back to all of the the sixes that we've been hearing since the 1980s. Six feet tall, you know, uh, six-figure income, six-pack abs, so on and so forth. And I've been saying this for years. It's kind of like, I, I tell black women, and it's really western women, but black women always, you know, black folk always take [ __ ] to the extreme. So in this context, what black women seem to want is like the same, you know, three dudes in every city. And I really do believe that the skew is that bad. And it's not because men are failing, cuz that's what we're told. It's not. It's because you have a group of women that have arbitrarily come up on a list and all the things they want are rare in and of themselves. You know, it's almost like if, if all men got together and decided on what their favorite cars are, how many of them are going to want a 1976 Toyota Corolla? It's going to more than likely go to the extreme. And then all of a sudden, if we make the extreme the normal casual everyday expectation, it doesn't work. At some point, we'll be talking about Ferraris and Lamborghinis. Doesn't work. And there was a time in the black community where people understood that you, you pretty much dated who was near you and you pretty much, you were subject, as everybody is, to the market. You know, this is what Kevin tried to explain to people. Whatever your sexual marketplace value was, guess what? You were hampered or gifted by it. And often both at the same time depending on the situation. And that falls for everybody. But lately, especially uh, with uh, social media boosting this to an unnecessary degree, the desire for the extreme became common, but the men never became common. And instead of recognizing that the desire was irrational, black women blamed black men, right?
So, what David Gale, what that clip plays, and that is, by the way, a film about a professor uh and an activist who gets caught up and ends up on death row. He's a, he's actually an anti-death row activist and ends up on death row. There's a lot of things that go on in between that, a lot of things. But in that clip, he's, he's, you know, teaching his class. He's a philosophy professor and he's explaining the nature of desire. And I think it fits the discussion very much because what you find is even when men have achieved those goals, they still end up with unhappy women far too often. I told y'all this repeatedly, man. I was, I was talking to Judge Joe Brown a number of years ago and I, I told him from personal experience. I said, "Look, man. We were told in the '80s if you made six figures, you were over 6 feet tall and you owned property and you did this, you took care of your mama, but you didn't let her be too close or she was a threat to your woman. You did all of this [ __ ] that they told us on a list we had to do." We were told we would be granted with respect and love. And I, and I was like, "That's not happening." And none of the brothers that I've talked to that have achieved that, or I should say very, very few, actually receive respect and love. I said, "So, you know, we were told you'd get that at six figures and it didn't happen." And he said, "Son, you don't get that at eight figures. It goes right to the heart of what the clip from David Gale talks about. Desiring something, but the moment you get it doesn't hit the spot. It can't by its very nature." And this is why you have to shift to, as he said, ideas rather than what you acquire because what you acquire doesn't make you happy. And women are only looking for what they can acquire in regard to men. But what I'm finding is that black men have been looking at new ideas, new political ideas, new cultural ideas, new geographic ideas. Black men are willing to travel and they've even started to uh reimagine the nature of relationships. Some are willing to have transactional relationships. Some are willing to go monk. Some are willing to get married, but they're looking for women socialized in a different system who have a different appreciation for masculinity, but these are not things that we were doing several decades ago. These are relatively new. Now, there are certain groups, and I pointed them out before, that have been doing this for years, right? Internationally renowned athletes, uh, entertainers, uh, military folk, black male Muslims. You know, there were distinct groups of men that had these experiences, but there really wasn't a movement until around 2020, right? And men are starting to reimagine these things and ask new questions because what we're experiencing in our families and our relationships is a, a, a high level of disrespect. And I've had it. I've had, I've had to cut ties with family members who could not stop disrespecting black men. It was so inculcated into their worldview, there was no discussing it. And I've had the same in relationships. And these are from women that claim to love you. And in their own way they do, but misandry is such a, such an obscure concept to so many in the black community, they don't even think about whether or not it's a thing. They just do it. It's part of the culture. Most particularly part of black women's culture. We've just learned to accept it. It's one of the aspects of black men in regard to us being so progressive. We accept it. And I think we accept it too much of the time. But where all of this particular conversation started for me was a clip somebody sent me that came from a response to Jamie Fox. Let's check it out.
>> For me, this is kunery at its best if I've ever seen it. I am utterly disgusted. I, I feel like definitely he was reading the room at that time and trying to appease to the black audience that was clearly in there. And you're praying on this. She's talking about a comedy show where he got up there and said he was no longer. This was after he had his, his whatever his health issue was. He was in the hospital for a while and then he, he came out, got better, did a stand-up and he talked about how he was never going to deal with white women again. He was going to only deal with black women and there was a lot of black women in the crowd that were applauding and so on and so forth. Recently, however, it's been discovered that he has gotten his third white woman pregnant. And so that's kind of what they're talking about.
>> Black love, black community type thing. So where he's telling black women, trying to, you know, superficially validate them, oh, that I no longer want white women. And then at the end of that, he said that he's not going to, you know, date white women in public. But my whole thing is, you know, I, I, I want to understand the outrage, but I'm not shocked at all. Jamie Fox will be his third baby mother. This is his third white woman that he is having a child when at the end of the day, as much as I want to be appalled, I am at a stance in my life right now. Well, nobody don't want me.
>> Right.
>> You hear all the frustration, the anger in her voice as if Jamie dumped her. And you know, I don't know who she is. Maybe, maybe he did. Maybe I'm, maybe I'm not caught up on celebrity gossip. I know I'm not. But unless he dumped her individually, notice all the vitriol in her voice.
>> Okay. And as a black man, if you are not interested in a black woman and you want a white woman, stay over there and get that white audience to support you because we are always rallying behind people.
>> Now, she's saying that if he wants a relationship with a white woman that now he has to go get a white audience. Ain't that interesting? I find that extremely interesting. His audience now has to be tied to his personal relationships. When was that ever a standard?
>> That pretend to be our people when they have no love for the black woman. And I don't want to make it black and white, but let's keep it a buck.
>> You want to keep it a buck? So, I was sent this by a couple of different people, and my immediate response was, I'll give a damn about this when they got this much heat for Venus and Serena. And I can run off a list of other famous black women that were in relationships with white folk. But more importantly than that to me is how black women support and applaud other black women who get in interracial relationships. It's seen as a come-up. It's seen as something to celebrate. But when it's black men, they're monsters. They're coons. We should call them a [ __ ]. They're all of these other things. And this is not about defending interracial relationships with white women. I could give a damn. My position is that black men are free to do what the [ __ ] they want to do. Period. If you're going to get up here and tell me that black women should be celebrated for whatever they do, then how dare you tell me that black men shouldn't be? How dare you? This isn't even about defending Jamie Fox. To me, this is about black men. Black men have paid their dues. Black men have drank poison listening to this stuff. We've been raised with it. We've been learned, we've learned to dance around it. We've learned to deal with the u, the mood swings. We've learned to provide emotional labor around all of this. Hell, we join in with them within these conversations sometimes. And my point is that I don't stand with it anymore because I've watched the policing of black men for decades now. But that same energy is not given to black women at all. In fact, it's the exact opposite. And it's so hypocritical that I can't support it. I can't support it. And a lot of the time what black men are actually grappling with in relationships is something that too many black women do not want to be accountable to.
>> It's a treatment. It's a level of of misandrist disrespect. It's Kevin used to call it a low boiling contempt. And I believe he was absolutely right. And I found a great example for you guys on what that contempt looks like. Now it comes in a million different packages in a million different contexts. So, this one may not apply to your life. It may. But this is a perfect example that I'm about to play for you now of what that low boiling contempt looks like for black men. Check it out.
>> What did you ask?
>> I shouldn't have to ask for head. I shouldn't have to ask for a sandwich cut in half. A simple pat on the back. Some.
>> I'm not your mama. Man.
>> I ain't asking you to be my mama. I'm just asking for some appreciation around this [ __ ].
>> No, you just asking me to automatically do stuff for you. That's why women get tired. Right there.
>> No, that's why me and I stop trying.
Now, I was sent this right after I did the show the other night about, or the other morning about, um, you know, white girls creating the list on how to get a prominent black male, which I still find hilarious by the way when I listen to that list. But it was a trip reading that list and then immediately after recording my show being sent this little skit and I was like, damn, he is dead. This is dead on what a lot of black men experience and they're tired of it. And this is partly the low boiling contempt I talked about. There's this, there's a gyocentrism to it to where she's not even able to see from his perspective. And so many of us have been raised by single mothers. We've been, yeah. [ __ ] By the time you talk about K through 12, let alone K through grad school, majority of your teachers, depending on your field or female, definitely in the lower grades. So, we've learned and been forced to listen to women, they listen to us at their whim. Saying, and this is the problem I had with this is that uh, despite the one-dimensional, you know, kind of approach to this where it's only her perspective that needs to be taken into account by both figures and she can dismiss his concerns and, and then do so with arrogance and, and, and contempt. I'm not your mama. Who the hell brought mamas into this? But when you need somebody to protect you, when you need somebody to do things for you, when you need somebody to look out for you, when you need ma, a man to to provide you emotional labor, you understand those things. But at no point does he say, "I'm not your daddy." In fact, in a lot of relationships, women will call you daddy, but that's mainly in bed or at choice moments when she wants something from you. Other than that, there's disrespect and disdain. But when other groups of women start competing for black men's interests and it's further met with more shaming and disrespect, I can't support that. As far as I'm concerned, black men are free. And if you want black men, offer them a better deal. Offer them a better option. But if you're not going to provide it, hey, you can't turn around and be mad when they decide to go another direction. And this is fundamentally what I'm saying here. When I look at, you know, the, the, the kind of terrain that we're dealing with in the black, in, in the black community as far as relationships are concerned. That's why I call this compete or complain. Those are the only two options. You're either going to complain about things or you're going to get up and compete because black men are being sought after. And black men who are willing to travel even more so. And we're actually experiencing uh for ourselves an understanding that we are actually far more valuable than black women have told us we are. I mean, if anything, we've been hearing for decades that we ain't [ __ ]. That's been the fundamental issue. This is one of the reasons there are so many groups of women that can easily strategize how to get men because what is common in other communities as far as respectful treatment, attraction, pursuing, uh, competing for a man's interest, we're not used to. We're told that we're supposed to compete for women we're not even attracted to. That's an interesting part to me. And we're not allowed to not be attracted to black women or a given black woman. You're supposed to be attracted to who you're told to be attracted to regardless of her her aesthetic, her size, doesn't matter. You're supposed to be attracted because she's there. And, and more to the point, if she's attracted to you, you're supposed to accept that. If you have standards, it's considered, it's considered offensive. And this to me is a problem. It's a fundamental problem that there's only one groups, uh, one group whose worldview is to be taken seriously and black men are just to shut up and get in line and dance around her her feelings and any whimsical moment. And I think black men have started to actually pull away from that and they've started to make demands. So the brother right here can actually go somewhere and find himself not having to beg for basic levels of affection or to even be heard and not dismissed outright because she's not in the mood to hear what he's talking about. He'll actually have women who will compete for him. And he doesn't have to become a bodybuilder or a runway model. He doesn't have to become a millionaire. There is absolutely nothing wrong with men wanting to improve themselves in any way possible. Whether it's your, your, your shape, whatever shape you're in, whether it's your mind, whe, whether it's meditation, it doesn't matter. All of that is great. But the reality is sometimes in, in red pill spaces, we have these superheroic standards that we're supposed to reach in order to be worthy of women's women's attraction. And the interesting thing about it is throughout human history and in other places around the world, people don't operate like that. I mean, don't get me wrong, you know, women still look for what they value. But the point is, you never had to be a [ __ ] superhero to be worthy of dating somebody, especially somebody you're doing better than. But here we just have this idea that because you know whatever it is, you know, that's it. She could be barely keeping her life together, but because she exists, you got to be a damn superhero to be worthy of her. You got women making $25,000 a year requiring millionaires and got three, four kids and got the nerve to get up and talk about how you have to be this eight-figure earner to be worthy of her time. It doesn't make any sense.
So, you get to the point where I think uh, you know, the conversation between Jeff St. James and Joseph Ward the other day was uh, quite telling, was quite interesting. Here is a clip from that. Tell me what you think.
>> These are not our women.
>> And I think that's when I say that, that doesn't mean I can't care about them or work with like-minded women who are open to still wanting to work with us. True.
>> But this is the CIA's women.
>> True.
>> This is corporate America's women. This is H.B.CU. True women. This is this is Hollywood and social media and Instagram's women. This is not our women until their behaviors show otherwise.
>> True.
>> Right. So there's too many other. This is the Democrat party's women. Yes.
>> Right. So what I'm basically getting at, man, is unless the woman in front of you shows and demonstrates that she's on your team, we have to assume that she's kind of on the side of, I'm going to go with whatever is trending right now. These are not our women. Not in mass. Not completely.
>> True.
>> And it'll be smarter and more efficient for us as men to get out the game as soon as possible with a smart, beautiful, intelligent, like-minded woman who ain't riding with the sisterhood and dip. And when I say start thinking outside of the box, your black woman may not be in the States, fellas.
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> Your black woman may have recently come here from South Africa, from from Brazil, from, you name it. Your black woman may also have a second language like Spanish.
>> Yep.
>> And we got to stop thinking that all of these women in this pool of different African slaves and and aborigines and all these other whatever we want to claim.
>> You got to look at the mindset.
>> Yep.
>> There's not enough women with the right mindset.
>> True.
>> That hasn't been completely taken over by white feminism. So, I think it's easier and better for us to just be like, listen, this is not our women and in mass in general. There's probably some we can do life work and build with. And when we say start thinking outside the bubble, outside the box.
>> If you still thinking about just the states, you're this is 1995 talking point. Yeah.
>> We got to be thinking about, listen, if this country, if the country really is as racist and as as anti-black men, anti-black this, anti-black community, all that other, if it's really all of that.
>> You could spend the next 60 years trying to change the unchangeable with that. Or you could be like, let's take the education, money, skills that we have and figure out which country we can do this in.
So essentially what he's talking about is rebuilding community. Now I know for years we've been talking about passport bros. We've been talking about uh, pulling back our vote until people start to meet our standards. Hell, on this channel we developed the blackmail political agenda, right? To suggest that if you want black male votes, you first need to meet something on this 19-point agenda worthy of our vote. But now the conversation is starting to evolve. Not just to traveling to other countries, whether it be for sex or for marriage or anything in between. Now, I'm starting to see the conversation finally start to turn to what kind of community do black women want to build, black men, excuse me, want to build and where and in what, in, in regard to what cultures. See, I think we're starting to move to a transcommunal idea for black men. Instead of being stuck in the United States negotiating with misandrist, you can actually, you know, proactively decide to start pulling together community. And it'll more than likely happen in multiple countries. That's why I call it transcommunal. You might have, you know, a satellite in a, in a number of African countries. You might have them in South America. You might have them, you know, it, it, it's probably going to move that way anyway. But to do it with intention, I think would be far more productive. And in dialogue with black men out of the United States who move to other places. I think that's one of the things we need to start taking more seriously and think about with intention because it's clear that in the West, the things that we're interested in are not regarded well. You know, and the cold part about it is the brothers who are leaving the country are actually the, the men who should be considered prime material to build families with. But going back to the Life of David Gale clip, the desires that these women have cultivated in the last few decades have become so irrational and so delusional and so disconnected from anything substantive that it's become unrealistic. So while they're all waiting for 6'3 Edris Elba millionaires, everyday men, particularly those with the the means to buy passports and leave the country, are just going to find their options elsewhere. And they're moving in such fashion that they're breaking from family. They're breaking from, you know, uh, even casual social uh, friendships with with with uh, feminists and women who who have these kind of ideas. Are moving to different locations. And I mean that on a couple of levels and I think it's past due. I think it's past due. So I agree with what Jeff and Joseph are talking about here. It's time to define what our women actually means. And I think Jeff's definition is is perfect. Like-minded and more than likely accepting beforehand that she might not be on the same continent you're at right now, you're on right now. But anyway, give me your thoughts. Let me know um what experiences you've had that bring some something to bear on this this conversation. And I look forward to hearing from you. Um, as for me, I just finished grading today, so I'm a bit of a zombie, but oo, I am finally free, at least for the next few weeks. I'm going to teach a short summer class and then uh, I am off until August. So, um, hopefully I can continue to bring you uh, you know, some of the stuff that you uh, you're enjoying. Anyway, I'll let y'all later. Peace.