Transcription
75% of women of color have never been married. And I'm going to give you three reasons why this actually is truth. And before I get into this, let me just tell you, y'all probably going to get mad at me on this one, too. I did a previous post and many of the men kept commenting, "Wear the prize. Wear the prize. Wear the prize." Maybe that is so sassy to me. I'm just going to be very transparent about that. I think it is very sassy. And the truth is this is I don't know if y'all understand what y'all are saying. So let me break down three reasons.
So the first reason is because of incarceration. 13% of the population in the United States is made up of black men. And out of that 13% we're talking about when it comes to prison and jail, 37% is black men. So that means while we're already the minority, we then become the majority in jail.
Black women aren't getting married because all of the good black men are locked up. Sounds familiar, right? What if I told you that's not just wrong, it's mathematically false? Let's go straight to the numbers. There are around 2 million people incarcerated in the United States. Black Americans make up about 37% of that, which is roughly 740,000 people. Let's say that every single one of them is a black male. That still means 96.9% of black men are not incarcerated. That's over 22 million black men and boys who are not behind bars.
And I'm just not a girl that's about to go meet a man in jail. Okay, we're not doing it. WE [laughter] we. Now, here's the twist. Black women, more than any other group, are willing to marry or support incarcerated men. They visit, they wait, they support emotionally and financially, and many maintain long-term loyalty during and after incarceration. So, if black women are disloyal even to the men most others would disqualify, then why are their marriage rates still the lowest? Because loyalty doesn't always equal marriage. And often it isn't even mut.
Now, the second reason why a lot of women are single is because we are making more money.
In America, the black woman out earns and outed educate your mate. What power do we have over you? More black women are graduating from colleges, which in turn will mean that there of course there's black men that are doing well, but if you have more black women graduating from college, there are likely more black women might do more than black financially better than black men.
A lot of women, especially black women, and if I get in trouble for saying this, but I will. in the in in our society right now, black women are making a lot more money for the most part than black. Black women are excelling. They're getting accelerated degrees, graduate degrees, doctorate degrees. They're starting businesses. Black women are running circles around this stuff. I'm just being honest, y'all. We're making more money. More of us are making over six figures than our male counterpart. And the truth is is a lot of my six-f figureure honeys, they don't want to date men that make less than them. And most men that make over six figures or, you know, are doing very well financially, they either don't want to date out of date their race or they're already married or if you're an older woman who is a little bit more established, they're not trying to date older women. And so then we result to just having a little fun boy. And then people got a problem with that. But I ain't even going to get into that. That's another conversation.
The third reason why a lot of women of color are staying single is also because it's a lot of DL situations going on. Plan on moving to ATL, make sure you bring your own man with you. For any woman that likes men, make sure you bring your own man with you. I'm letting you know that in Atlanta the men is scarce. 95% of the men are gay and 50% of those are married.
Lot of black men date Caucasian women because the black men are bisexual and she allowed them to be fluid. Is it just me or is like all men or certain traits that they have really do come off as if you're paying attention? Black men who only date white women. And y'all ain't ready for this conversation, but I'mma say it anyway. They on the DL.
Men that be sitting on podcast bashing women. They be on the low, honey. I don't know why y'all even sit up there and listen to anything they say when they don't even like women at all. It's easy for them to sit up there and bash women cuz they're not attracted to them. And I'm going to tell you guys how I feel about this whole um DL whisperer.
So, are y'all ready to talk about the gym bros? The men that always at the gym that are obsessed with the gym. Are y'all ready to talk about why they're always at the gym and why they spend so much time at the gym and who they're seeing at the gym? To quickly sum up what I just said in 3 minutes, get you a simple. That's literally who are going to be the straight men, the men that are simp. So, what's up, Dio? Whisperer. How to tell if your man is deal? Go see if he's making any videos about Dio women. If he been playing a sport his whole entire life, he's probably deal. Especially if it's basketball or football, any black dominated sport, probably DL.
What are the signs that he could be on the DL? A lot of guys probably are these days. So, the best sign to look out for if he's on the DL, he dresses better than you. That's number one. If you are dealing with a black man, you need to have at least at least the small thought that he may have either been involved with a man schmexy or he is actively still dealing with men and you don't know about it. Me personally, whenever I've dealt with a black man, I've always just had it in the back of my head based off of certain things where I'm like, he probably is or has had relations with another man before.
Let's address this viral and destructive myth that's been echoed in the black community. Most black men are gay. Now, before I begin this video, let me be clear. Someone's sexual orientation is nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone deserves respect, privacy, and dignity. But when queerness is weaponized to shame or emasculate black men, it stops being about identity and starts being more about stigma. That's where the line must be drawn. This narrative is often used, especially by some black women, to shame, stereotype, and further divide the black community. It's been a key spark in the ongoing gender war online. The data tells a very different story. And today I'm going to break it down clearly, calmly, and factually with a level of respect that's rarely extended to heterosexual black men in public conversations.
According to the Williams Institute at UCLA, about 1.2 million black adults in the United States identify as LGBTQ plus. Of those, 61% are black women and 39% are black men. That means black LGBTQ plus women outnumber black LGBTQ black men by nearly 300,000. So if we're talking strictly about those who openly identify as LGBTQ plus, black women, not black men, are the majority.
You know, I'm here in Atlanta, Georgia, baby, and I got a couple of gay friends where all they do is date heterosexual men. I see people going around talking about uh Atlanta and their HIV race. They had like 20,000 cases. 20,000 positive cases of HIV and AIDS in one city is [ __ ] crazy. The scary part is not the number of the ones we know. It's not the 20,000. It's the the people that don't know. It's the It's the other half of that and then some. It's the It's the people that don't get tested, won't get tested, will never get tested, and that's going to keep passing it on. And that's the that's the that's the [ __ ] part.
The CDC's HIV numbers are not based only on people who walk into a clinic for a test. The CDC and state health department use a three-prongong surveillance system. The first one is confirmed laboratory reports of HIV diagnosis. The second, anonymous population testing surveys. And number three, mathematical modeling to account for people who are HIV positive but undiagnosed. That means the official statistics already adjust for under testing. Rankings between groups remain the same even after accounting for undiagnosed cases.
Now, I'm not trying to say leave Atlanta if you live in Atlanta. I'm just saying if you do live in Atlanta and you just out here [ __ ] around, you just out here just like, oh, I'm about to just smash everything walking. You you a wild one.
That's false, guys. A quick Google search or you could chat GPT it. It will tell you that that is false. Do you guys know what would happen if they had 20,000 HIV cases in one month? That would be crazy. The whole Atlanta city would be cordoned off. Okay, it would be off limits. It's false. They are higher over there, but it's definitely not 20,000. You know, I told you guys more black folks live in the south, so you see more cases of HIV and STI. So the regional uh concentration of HIV in 2021 uh specifically approximately about 52% of new HIV infections occurred in the southern US. Okay. The south also has uh among the highest poverty rates. So again HIV and poverty they go hand in hand because people at home all they doing is sneaking in unprotected I might add.
All right. Now, me personally, that's not a heterosexual man. A man that wants to sleep with another man is not a heterosexual. Even if he is married, I feel like that is the ultimate betrayal. That is still cheating. Uh cheating to me is the ultimate betrayal. Whether it's with a man or a woman, but there are more men out here. I've gone to a couple of the gay clubs and seen people and I'll be like, "What is he doing in here? I'll be seeing him at the gym." And so, it's a lot of men out here that are just not available for us. And so what are we to do? Well, I do have a couple girlfriends that have gone outside of their race and they enjoy it.
Another common example is when white men proclaim that white men and black women have the lowest divorce rate. A white man and a black woman are 44% less likely to get divorced. H pretty interesting, isn't it? My sister, my sister, my sister. Black wife, white husband marriages are 44% less likely to result in divorce. Now the tea is hot on this one. So recent data shows that black women and white men are less likely to divorce than other interracial couples with black women in these relationships being 44% less likely to split compared to white couples.
But that claim comes from a 2008 study using marriage data from the 1970s and 1980s. Modern research shows that black women have the highest divorce rates of any race, gender group, and that interracial marriage outcomes have changed dramatically in the recent decades. Yet again, a flattering but outdated statement becomes widespread, shaping beliefs far removed from today's reality. And the statistical reality is clear. White men overwhelmingly do not choose black women as wives. According to the census data, only 0.5% of married white men in the United States are married to black women. That means 99.5% of white men are not choosing black women.
As outlined in the dating divide book, when white men do express interest in black women, it is often rooted in sexual curiosity rather than long-term commitment. As outlined in the dating divide, when white men express interest in black women, that interest is often rooted in sexual curiosity, not long-term commitment. In the study, many of the white men interviewed described black women in fetishized terms rather than relational ones. Given that black women receive very little interest from white men, experiences like Deborah suggest that even that limited attention may be driven by purant motives. The white men interviewed reinforce the notion that black women were viewed as highly sexual yet unsuitable for lasting relationships.
So, I'm just going to let this be known. I do not hate pink people. I just dislike [ __ ] that pink people do. Like that whole thing with, you know, the pink dudes, you know, telling me, "Oh, yeah, you know, I like, you know, black women, too." Whole time, a lot of them don't like black women. They might be sexually attracted to black women, but they don't like them. There's a difference. Okay, [ __ ] And that's what a fetish is right there. Like, for real. like you are sexually attracted to a person but you really ain't trying to have no relationship with them. You just want to try something or you want to rebel against your family because they dislike black people. So that kind of turns you on. It's like a you know when somebody tells you no and you like oh like you know you want to do it like mother ain't going to tell me no like I'm going to go do this. You feel me? So that's the type of [ __ ] that I dislike. And I'm not saying that I'm the only genuine pink dude out here that, you know, appreciates black women, but I just feel like a lot of pink men do not really appreciate black women. This is why so many black women continue to circulate the outdated Brder and King study claiming that black women and white men have the lowest divorce rates. They push that statistic in hopes of convincing white men to consider them as wives. Yet, the numbers haven't changed. White men still overwhelmingly do not marry black men.
Me personally though, it's just something about a black man that I love. I love the fact that I can understand what he deals with on a daily basis that I can relate to him. It is just something about that. And unfortunately, while we are so loyal to our black men, black men are more disrespectful to us than any other nationality and they are quicker to go outside of the race. As a group, black women have been the slowest to dip their toes into the interracial dating pool. one of the most racially loyal when it comes to relationships.
Black women are the most loyal. Black women are the most loyal to black men than any I'm talking about any other race, any other ethnic ethnicity. Black women are loyal to black men. Black women are very, very racey. They really want to be with black men.
We often hear this narrative floating around social media. Black women are the most race loyal. That's why they don't marry white men like other races of women do. At first glance, that sounds honorable until you ask one critical question. Are you being loyal or are you just not being chosen? Because in order to be considered race loyal, both sides need to want you. You can't call yourself loyal to your team if no other team has offered you a contract. When people say that black women are race loyal, here's what they're actually trying to say. They date and marry within their race. But what they leave out is the context because loyalty implies options. Let's look at what the data says. According to the Pew Research Center and the US Census Bureau, in 2023, only 13% of married black women were in an interracial marriage and black men, 21%. You can't call it loyalty if you were never recruited. And that's what we're seeing on the dating market. Despite the growing Tik Tok trends, divest, black wife effect, swirl, and softife content, white men are not marrying black women in significant numbers. In fact, the latest data shows that less than 0.5% of white men are married to black women. And that's coming from the US Census Bureau in 2015. So, is it race loyalty or is it race isolation?
So, who is marrying black women? The answer is clear. Black men. Black men marry black women 79% of the time, even with almost twice the out of marriage rate of black women. So, if anyone's being race loyal, it's black men. But instead, we're painted as disloyal, unavailable, or undesirable. All while other men aren't lining up to marry black women either. You see how backwards that is? And while we're here, let's dispel some of the myths that circulate in these conversations.
Number one, good black men are in jail. False. Only 2.9% of black men are incarcerated at any given time. Let's stop acting like the entire dating pool is behind bars. It's lazy. And to be perfectly honest, it has never been a time that black women have disqualified men who are in prison. They actively search for those men. And I've done videos in the past pointing this issue out.
Number two, black men aren't educated enough. Here's a real story. 29% of black women have a bachelor degree or higher and 22% of black men do. That's a 7point gap, not 70. And even with that gap, black men still out earn black women overall. So the education excuse doesn't hold up either.
Number three, black men don't make enough money. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, in 2024, black men earned a median income of $52,000. Hispanic men earned a median income of $50,000. So, if it were just about money, how are men who earn less getting married more? Maybe it's not about economics. Maybe it's about attitude, culture, and expectations. Black men are told that they need to be flawless. They need to be educated, rich, not dusty, not toxic, and definitely not average. six feet, six figures, six-pack. Meanwhile, other races of men can be plumbers, warehouse workers, and Uber drivers, and they're still considered marriage material men by black women. But let a black man drive a forklift, and suddenly he's settling material. So, this is not about loyalty. It's about double standards. The bottom line is this. You can't be race loyal if no one else is checking for you to begin with. Black women aren't the most race loyal. They're just the least interraially selected. And that's not a morale badge. That's a marriage market reality. So, let's stop romanticizing rejection and calling it loyalty. And let's stop blaming black men for not being picked more often when we're the ones actually marrying black women.
In the black community, we often talk about saving the family, rebuilding the household, or restoring what was once lost. But the truth is, we can't fix what we don't measure. For years, people have said, "Black people just don't get married anymore." That's become a cultural slogan repeated so often that even we've started to believe it. But when you separate the data by gender, when you look at black men and black women individually, a new picture appears. This is the only time I'll make that separation publicly. And I'm doing it not to divide us, but to clarify where the momentum is and where the community needs the most help. Because if we really want to restore the black family, we have to start with the truth and not talking points. Let's start with the numbers.
According to Pew Research and the US Census data, as of 2023, 36% of black men are married as opposed to black women's 29%. That may not sound high, but what matters is the direction. Back in 2017 to 2021, black men's marriage rates was around 34% and black women's was closer to 28%. Black men's marriage rate has grown about 0.8 percentage points per year. If that same steady pace continues, no miracles, no manipulation, black men will reach roughly 40% married by 2027. That's not an exaggerated claim. It's a statistical projection based on real data. This is the story of a quiet, consistent comeback. And remember, this growth is happening despite real obstacles, economic inequality, incarceration history, cultural barriers, and changing attitudes towards marriage. Even with all of that, black men's marriage rates are trending up, not down. That tells you something powerful. Black men still value family. They still believe in legacy. They still believe in building something stable even in a generation where many are walking away from it.
A 2020 study published in innovation in aging titled social support everyday discrimination and depressive symptoms among older African-Americans a longitudinal study by man at all examined older African-Americans and found that black women were more likely than black men to report that they neither have nor desire a romantic relationship while more men were married or cohabiting and that gap widened with age. That finding matters because it highlights a persistent difference in relationship engagement over time. It's not about who's better or worse. It's about willingness and intention. Pew research adds another layer to this. Among singles nationwide, 61% of single men say they're currently looking for a relationship or dates compared to just 38% of single women. It's not about who's better or who's losing. It's about choices. While some men are choosing love wherever it's found, some women are choosing independence because they can.
Put together, that means the men, especially black men, are the ones showing higher interest in forming and maintaining long-term partnerships. That's not social media speculation. That's straight data. Now, before we end this discussion, I want to leave the black community with a question. For decades, the narrative was that black men don't want to get married. But history and current data both show that black men have consistently been more likely to be married than black women. And those marriage rates, especially interraially, are still increasing. But here's the question we have to face as a community. If black men continue to marry, if they continue to form families, even if some of those families include women of other races, are those black men still accepted as part of the black community? Not that those black men actually need anyone's approval. I'm asking from a cultural level because you can't say you want to see more black men marry then turn around and reject the ones who do it just because their wives aren't black. So the question is simple. Black men continue to marry, continue to build families, continue to rise in income and stability, but some of those marriages are interracial. Are you ready to accept that progress? Or will you reject it because it doesn't look the way you want it to? All those black men are still part of the black community. So let's talk about it. Peace.