Transcription
You've probably seen a graphic like this or even this at some point in the last couple years. [music] Attempting to display the shape of the modern-day dating market. And you might have even seen a graphic like this attempting to provide a more accurate depiction of it. But the truth is, [music] the modern-day dating market is actually far more complex than any of these simplified graphics. And in reality, if you put together a large sample size of data, you get a picture that [music] looks something like this.
This is a 100 person accurate representation of what the real modern-day dating market looks like at any given time for adults in the US between the ages of 18 and 44. Now, it's a lot to take in, so let's start with [music] the basics. Of the 100 people, 67 are in relationships, 31 men, 36 women. And I'll get into why there's more women than men in this category in a little bit. Of these 67, 47 are married, which is about 70%, [music] 22 men and 25 women. Nine of the 67 are in non-marital cohabiting relationships. So, not married but living together. That's about 13%. [music] Four men, five women. And the last 11 of them are in non-marital, non-cohabiting [music] relationships. Not married or living together. And that's 16%. Five men, six women.
Now, about the more women than men in relationships. How can this be possible? Well, there's a couple potential answers. [music] Maybe lesbians, but there's essentially just as many gay couples as there are lesbian couples, and both take up a tiny percentage [music] of the couples anyway. Maybe there's some sort of chaty occurring where some men are sleeping with multiple women without the women's knowledge, leaving multiple women to put down relationship while only one man does, if at all. [music] But considering this applies to marriage, too, it seems highly unlikely this is the largest factor. The primary reason for this phenomenon [music] is likely older men outside of the 18 to 44 pool are dating a few of the women in this pool. [music] Women on average date 2 years up, which explains the majority of this discrepancy. And that's shown when we look at the rates of singleness of all ages. These men are dating these women. [music]
Which brings us to the part you've probably been waiting for, the singles. Of the 100 original people, 33 of them are single. 19 men and 14 women. These are the people who are effectively on the dating market. And what most people think of when they see graphics like these. The first thing to address about the singles dating market is that there's quite literally more single men on the market than single women due to how the manto-woman age dynamic works. It's a little hard to wrap your head around this phenomenon. So, to give an example that'll be easier to understand, imagine it's your first year of college and there's 10 freshman boys and 10 freshman girls. You'd initially think this lines up perfectly. In an ideal situation, by the end of the semester, everyone could be with one person. But in reality, there's another set of men you forgot to account for when you arrived. The sophomores, juniors, and even seniors are all also interested in the same freshman as you. Now, you might think, "Well, whatever. I can date the older girls, too." And although yes, that's possible, it's a lot less likely to occur than the other way around. Women in general are most attracted to men their age to 3 years older. Whereas men are typically most attracted to women 18 to 23, regardless of age. And although men notably become more willing to date up in age as they age, they continue to want to partner their age or younger and are more interested in women younger than themselves the older they get. Which brings us back to your freshman dating market. Instead of the 10 to 10 perfectly aligned market you thought you might get, the reality is that three of the 10 girls date older boys and only one of the boys dates an older girl, leaving you with a realistic 9 to7 dating market among the freshmen. Or now, even if everyone paired up perfectly, two men would still be left out. And as we'll go over in a little bit, it's also unlikely everyone pairs up perfectly. The same concept applies on a population level. Because women are willing to date men older than themselves and men get more interested in dating women younger than themselves as they age, you create a situation where the dating market for young people literally looks and feels like there's 19 men for every 14 women or 35% more men. Now, this effect obviously reverses when we look at the dating market of singles over the age of 45, which I guess you could potentially look forward to as a man, but statistically speaking, when you reach that age, you'll likely be more interested in younger women anyways, which is what creates the whole issue in the first place.
It's worth noting that there's three key factors that historically have kept this phenomenon in check. The first is war. Regularly throughout history, men would go [music] off and perish in battle, keeping the single populations more equal. We saw this in the aftermath of World War II, where the loss of men in battle helped drive the share of unmarried adults to the lowest point in modern recorded history. Just 28% of adults were unmarried by 1960, [music] compared to nearly 50% today. The second is colonialism. Regularly throughout history, men were sent off to foreign lands to either settle upon and conquer that land, improving their chances at finding mating success, or just because society didn't want the extra men, so they forcibly removed them. This obviously alleviated the single man to single woman ratio, leading to [music] an easier dating market for the men remaining in the nation. In modern society, we have a version of this in the form of passport bros, who go off to foreign lands to find better romantic prospects. But this hasn't become popular enough yet to offset the single mento woman ratio issues we have in the current western world. And third is consistently high fertility rates. [music] The current fertility rates in essentially all developed nations are below replacement level and have been for decades. Which means western society has just as many, if not more, old people than young people. Which means there's more older men taking younger women than there would be if the population pyramid was healthier. In nations with consistently high fertility rates, the additional young women make the portion of older men taking young women off the market a lot smaller in comparison, leading to again better single ratios. We currently live in a society with none of these three factors benefiting men, leading to a pretty brutal single man to single woman ratio.
Anyways, [snorts] now that you understand how the maleto-female age dynamic creates a more single men than single women phenomenon, let's get to the actual dating lives of these singles. Of the 33 singles, 19 state they aren't looking for anything. 10 men, nine women. Now, exactly what they mean by this is a little vague. They may be potentially open to dating someone if the right person falls in their lap, but they're at least not actively [music] looking. Of those that are actively looking, they fall into these three categories. Four are looking for a relationship only, two men, two [music] women. Three are looking for something casual only, two men, one woman. And seven are looking for either. Five men, [music] two women. Looking at this data, a clear trend appears. Men are significantly more interested in uncommitted relationships. 37% of single men compared to only 20% of single women. But what's even more interesting than that is single men are also significantly more interested in seeking committed relationships. 40 1.5% of single men compared to only 29% of [music] single women. Although the gap is closer than casual, it's a statistical fact that men are more interested in finding a relationship than women on [music] average. Pretty crazy. Men's larger interest in relationships with the opposite sex applies to both long and short-term relationships with 50% of single men actively looking for something while only 35% of women are. Now, this might not sound like a big deal, but what this means in reality is the dating market of people actively looking for something is actually nine men [music] to five women or 80% more men than women are single and actively looking for something. Now, obviously, these men [music] could still end up with a woman who's currently not looking. But it becomes clear why every dating app, bar, or [music] club has two guys for every one girl, and why so many men feel like dating is impossible. According to the math, dating is [music] legitimately harder for men than women. Well, at least young women.
So, now we know what people say they're looking for. But what's more interesting, in my opinion, is what their actual activity looks like. Of the 33 people, 18 have experienced intimacy in the last year. [music] Despite there being more single men than women, there are an equal amount of single active men and women. Nine men, nine women. Meaning, the remaining 15 people that are getting nothing, no relations in the last full year, 10 of them are men and only five are women. [music] That's right. Twice as many men are getting no play than women. [music] A clear look at how we've ended up in a situation where men think the dating market looks like this. A lot of men, about 20%, are [music] struggling and being left out of the dating market entirely. Due to the mechanics of the current dating economy, a certain percentage of men either need to be left out, become passport bros, or date 20 plus years up in age. [music]
Now, don't get it confused. The dating market among singles does not actually look like [music] this. It actually looks a lot more like this. A web of promiscuous men and women sleeping around with each other. A few people just starting to hook up, seeing if it's going anywhere. And as mentioned, a group of men and women being left out of the market due to some combination of their own standards and attractiveness in the marketplace. [music] Now, there is an argument that a slight chaty is occurring, indicated by less men than women in the promiscuous group. But at a population level, if it exists, it's really quite small. [music] And the web of intimate connections isn't as straightforward as the typical hypergamy graphic would lead you to believe. For the most [music] part, the women that Chad is sleeping with casually are also sleeping with several other guys, too. And low [music] key just getting around in general. So, you now know exactly what the dating market really looks like. [music] That currently in 2026, we're living in a sort of poor dating economy for men and [music] what's causing it to be this way. Or in other words, the dating market explained.
Now, if you're a single man and don't want to be part of that left out 20%, check out the free ultimate dating strategy guide inside my free community. It contains the step-by-step strategy to maximize your chances of finding the highest quality partner possible in 2026. Think of it as a way to even the odds. It's entirely free. Go check it out with the first link in the description or pin comment below. And I'll see you in the next one.