Transcription
3 and 1/2 years ago, I'm lying in bed about to boss one off to the hub. It was about 30 minutes past my bedtime, so I had to finish this one quick. So I get on there and I finish off in about 3 to 5 minutes. I can't exactly remember, but it was something around that. And I don't know if this was just me, but I couldn't watch porn and then go to sleep straight away. I had to watch porn and watch something else and then go to sleep. I couldn't sleep with all the sexual thoughts in my mind.
So I went on YouTube and I started scrolling the YouTube feed. There was nothing there. I'd watched all the YouTube I could watch for the day, so there was no other good videos. I keep scrolling and I come past this Jack dude. His skin is glowing. He's like the modern-day alpha male before self-improvement was really a big thing. And the title of the video is "No Fat Plus Cold Showers for 30 Days." I've heard that cold showers are good for you, but I've never heard what nofap is. So I'll click on it because there's nothing else to watch.
I click on it and I discover that nofap is no pornography, you know, jerk and the snake to porn. And as soon as I discover that, I feel so guilty about myself because I've been watching porn for the last 1 and a half years, every single day, basically. But I also feel very, very excited because of the benefits he said: clear skin, more energy, more confidence, yeah, women attraction, yeah, more motivation, everything, yeah, a man could ever hope for. You can get this with NOFAP. I go to bed very, very guilty, but very, very excited for tomorrow morning, ready to start my NOFAP journey. And I think that the journey to quitting porn is going to be so easy. It's not going to be hard at all. But I understand that it's going to be very, very difficult in the next upcoming days.
I was a kid who used pornography to escape his feelings of loneliness. Yeah, girls at my school used to pick on me for my face going red. I had zero confidence. Yeah, I got cut from the basketball team, which made my confidence even lower. I had no purpose in my life. So porn, but watching porn and playing video games was my purpose. Yeah, for most teenagers nowadays, that is the case. Yeah, but for me, it was bad, bro, really, really bad. And I didn't understand that I used porn as an escape from my own thoughts, as an escape from my own life. Yeah, I couldn't get a girl. I had no confidence to get a girl.
So I try and go a few days without porn. I get to, I think, like 2 or 3 days, my first trial, and then I relapse straight away. And as soon as I relapse, I'm like, "Fuck, this is going to be harder than I thought it is going to be." And this is going to be hard, yeah. I am attached to this. I have no idea how I'm going to quit, but the benefits are too good not to at least try and quit. So I keep going, I keep going, I keep relapsing. That day three or four, I can't get past. I can't get past day four, no matter what I do, no matter how many hours I take, no matter how many workouts I have in a day, it's not going to work.
I would never make it past Sunday. I'd wake up Sunday, and Sunday was kind of like my rest day, so my mind was programmed to watch porn on a Sunday. And watch porn on usually a Thursday and a Sunday. I could not get past those days, right? Thursday was the middle of the week. It was a boring week. I was not motivated, so I'd watch porn. Sunday was a rest day, no no work, nothing to attend to, so I'd watch porn. I'm bored, yeah. Those two days always used to get to me until one day, can't remember what exact day it was, but a girl from my school texted me out of the blue, just saying hi.
I found her a little bit attractive. Like, if she asked me out on a date, I probably would have said yes, especially at this point in my life when I was very, very lonely. If she asked me out, I would have said yes. I wasn't going to ask her out. I was too, too afraid of getting rejected, yeah. But she said hi to me. I think it might have been a Friday or a weekend because I think her friends were up with her, and that's why she was texting me, yeah. So I got really, really excited. We started texting each other, like, you know, little year eight small talk, yeah, "Hi," "What are you doing?" "Nothing." All that little small talk type shit. That look, I kind of miss because it was funny and it made me so excited when someone used to text me, bro, you know?
But this text, it wasn't just a regular ass text. I hadn't got a text from a girl in like a year. It gave me some, it gave me an idea that maybe girls are actually still interested in me because I was, I don't know, some girls were interested in me in year seven, but year eight, you know, I kind of fell off a lot. I started watching porn too much. I had no confidence, so, you know, no one liked me then, yeah. But this text gave me a bit of hope. Maybe if I just stopped watching porn, more girls will attract, will be attracted to me, and maybe this girl that's texting me right now will be more attracted to me, and maybe I can get with her. Maybe she'll ask me out. Maybe my skin will be more clear. Maybe my confidence will be better. Maybe the, the secret little uh, women attraction that nofap gives you.
So because of this spiking motivation, I make it to day seven. I relapse that Sunday. I get past that Thursday and I make it to the Sunday, but the urge is way too strong. It's like double the power. I can't beat it. So I end up beating my meat because I couldn't beat the urge. Then I fall back into the cycle. Thursday, or maybe even Friday, or Wednesday, or and Sunday. It's just this constant cycle. Two or three times a week, I can't get past day four, no matter what I do.
It got to a point where I got really fucked up bad. I had, I had no, I had no idea how I was going to stop it. Yeah, I had no control over my mind. It was, it was like my hand would just automatically touch my dick and stuff. And I got so sick of that. One day I relapsed six times in one day. Yeah, during this time period, I can't exactly remember what day it was, yeah, but I've relapsed six times on nofap. I know this is going to sound so cringe to people, but I'm only saying this for your own benefit, bro. All right, so cut me some slack, all right? You thought you thought that was bad.
I woke up the next day. I told myself after I relapsed six times, I told myself I'm going to wake up at 5:30 tomorrow morning. After this busted six nights, do you really think I'm going to have a lot of energy tomorrow morning? I broke my promise. I start my day with an L and I wake up at like 8:30. So because I've already started the day with an L, let's bust another nut. Try and guess how many nuts I busted that day. The OJs were, no, 14 times in two days, bro. Eight times that day. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was fucked. This video is probably going to get demonetized, but it doesn't matter.
But when I look back at it today, that was the best thing that could have ever, ever happened to me. Now let me explain to you why that is the case. After that 14 relapse was in 2 days, I made it to day 14, mostly because I had zero motivation to even touch my willy because of the damage it's done to me. I was always on another planet after busting that many nights. Bro, man, to day 14, and I relapsed, but I told myself, I've made it this far. I've made it two weeks. I've never made it past 7 days. I am not going to let this relapse affect me. I learned something from my relapse. I deleted Instagram because that was where I got my urge from. I deleted it. I said, "Fuck this shit, I am never going back to it." I looked myself in the mirror and I told myself, I am never going back to it.
I know some of you watching this might say, "Bro, why are you being so cringe? It's not that bad. Porn isn't that bad." Trust me, bro, it is pretty bad. You know, especially for me. It might be different for you. Maybe porn doesn't, you know, affect your life that much. Maybe you're not as addicted to it as I was. But I'm, I'm pretty sure someone watching this video can relate to me and how it ruined your life, and that's who I'm trying to help. A lot of people are going to clown me. Some people, some people from my school are probably going to see this video and think I'm even more of a weirdo than I already am, yeah, because of the videos I make. I'm authentic, right? But who cares? Who gives a fuck? I know how much this addiction can fuck up someone's life.
All right, look, bro, if you have tried everything to quit, you have a strong reason to quit, you've created new habits that take your mind away from porn, yeah, you you occupy yourself, you you try to desexualize your mind, you try and talk to women, look at them in the eyes and not look at that booty in their cheeks and their cherries. You look them right in the eyes when you're talking to them. You tried all these urge tactics. When you get an urge, do this. You tried everything, just like I did. I tried literally everything. All right, and if you haven't tried everything, then try. Yeah, create a strong reason to quit, and you can find that reason by setting a goal for yourself, a meaningful goal that you can work towards every single day, and clearly identifying how porn is going to hold you back from getting there. Unless you give yourself a reason to quit, that's what you need, right?
But even if you have that reason, it gets to a point where you just need to stop. You have to look yourself in the mirror, and you have to tell yourself, "I'm done. I'm fucking done. I'm not going back to this shit. I am done. We are done." And you have to actually mean it. I know you've told yourself so many times, "This is the last time. This is the last relapse I'll ever have. I'm never going to go back to this." But you don't mean it. You don't. If you wanted this shit as, I'm not going to try, I'm trying not to swear as much so I don't get demonetized. If you want it as bad as you say you do, whatever you're striving towards, and you know porn is holding you back from getting there, you don't want it bad enough. You don't want it bad enough.
And I know I said it earlier in this video that it felt like I was automatically touching my dick. I had no control over my hands, bro. Yeah, but you do. You have the thought, you have an urge to watch porn. You intentionally get your hand and put it down there and start jacking it off. You intentionally do that. I know this sounds really cringe, but I'm talking to the people who won't find this cringe and actually find this valuable. That's who I'm talking to right now. You are in control. You do it on purpose. And if you truly knew, 100% of your mind knew that I shouldn't be doing this right now, you wouldn't do it. Simple.
There is a part of your mind that still has that excuse to give in. You must find that excuse and challenge that excuse. Why am I even making this excuse right now? Yeah, when you, when you go to relapse, what is your mind telling you? That part of your mind is still alive, and you need to kill it. You need to look yourself in the mirror, and you need to tell yourself, "We are not going back to this. No matter how strong the urge gets, no matter how much my mind tries to convince me, tries to convince me to give in, I am not going to give in." And you must say that. That's it. Leave it there. Never go back to it again, no matter how strong it gets, bro. You never do it again, no matter what. Simple. That's how you quit. Sounds basic, but it's the most important thing you'll hear with any bad habit. Yeah, you are in control. Nothing else is. Your mind is in control. You are in control. All right, we don't do this shit no more. Yeah, hope you find this valuable, and I'll catch you in the next video, my brother. Peace.