Transcription
So, I've decided I'm gonna do the 75 heart challenge. There are three things that I've learned from Tik Tok about letting go. I was having some major breakdowns. Like I I was crying every single day. Um just in pain.
So, I turned 40 about 3 months ago and I find myself incredibly unhappy with my life. I'm broke. I'm single. I have horrible habits. And I have been pro I I probably had the worst year of my life last year.
And I'm at a point where I'm like, I have nothing to lose. And I have to I have to change the way that I'm living. I have to change my life. I have to make changes otherwise I I'm I don't think I'm going to make it.
And I I got I've been so low in the past couple months and I've only just reached a point where I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have found hope. But I reached a point a few months ago where I I didn't I didn't know I didn't know where I was going, what I was doing. And I reached I've reached that rock bottom point in my life where I'm like, I I can't keep going like this. I I can't keep doing the things that I've been doing because I'm so incredibly unhappy.
>> Okay, ma'am. But do you think talking about this online for everybody to see on Tik Tok will it make you happier?
And I'm angry. I'm angry at my ex partners who constantly I don't know just take me for granted.
>> But you chose those partners, ma'am. Why aren't you angry at yourself?
I'm angry at myself for overgiving, being a people pleaser, for loving people for who they are, and my needs never being met. I'm sick and tired of not having a good relationship with money. I'm sick of not getting everything that I want in this life. I'm
>> What makes you think, ma'am, that everybody should get what they want? That's not how it works, ma'am. If you have all those bad habits and you're 40, it's your fault that you didn't resolve them.
>> Sick of not loving myself. I'm sick of not doing everything that I want to do that I need to do in order to be happy.
>> Ma'am, you sound kind of spoiled. You think that you should get everything you want in life. That's not how it works, ma'am. If you want something, you have to work hard for it. And by the way, just because you think that going on vacations or buying a car will make you happy, it won't, ma'am.
>> And I'm sick of being in a state of struggle. I'm sick of struggle being my normal.
What did I tell you? She sounds spoiled. She thinks she deserves everything.
>> No man on earth can make me fall.
>> Whenever a man says, "Your wife material," I like to remind him that I'm
>> He's lying.
In fact, a [ __ ]
>> Women are all like, "He better accept me as I am." And then they turn to the guy and they're like, "You need therapy. You need to make more money and you better level up." Girl, get in line for cat adoptions. Men will really ask you, "How are you single?" Like, "How are you single?" And then they'll ghost you, K. That's why.
>> My girlfriend just broke up with me for spending my own [ __ ] money. Every week I buy this [ __ ] whatever she wants. Spend thousands of dollars on her. And the one time I spend $100 on a prostitute.
>> Why am I meeting men in their 30, pushing their 40s, and they're like, "Oh, I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship. I don't know if we're girlfriend yet."
>> Ma'am, they're not ready for a relationship with you.
>> I hate to break it to you, but unfortunately that means that you're an outdoor ball. If you know, you know.
>> Do not just leave your girlfriend because you think that you could just do better. That is crazy. If you love this person and they love you, I feel like you could try and just work things out. That is the thing that people don't do. I'm telling you guys, you don't want to be sad. I'm
>> just aware of something. Yeah, your voice is ringing at about 47 dibels, which is the same frequency as Optimus Prime. So, can I just clarify that you do indeed have a naan bread?
>> Are you single on spring break?
>> I am single on spring break.
>> Do you have an ex-boyfriend or something?
>> I don't.
You >> single your whole life?
>> All 19 years. Yeah.
>> Why are you single?
>> I just have too high standards.
>> What's your ideal guy looking like?
>> 6'4, brunette, built, confident, funny.
You're a feminist, but as a man, how are you sitting on the subway when there are women standing? Yeah, right back to factory settings the second that equality hits. You wanted to be treated like a man, and now you're complaining about being treated like a man. You're a 27year-old child that needs to take that silly goofy nose ring out, follow God, and apologize to your father.
>> We both have the same type of man. Like, we like a nasty [ __ ]
>> We like a [ __ ] criminal. Like, straight up, someone who is so visibly violent. That is our type. like someone that if we bring them home to our parents or show them to our friends, they're like, "What the [ __ ] is wrong with you?"
>> I've seen your
And then they blame men.
Tik Tok your social media. You're flirting with bare men on there. Like, what's that about?
>> I'm just being nice.
>> You ever go Soho sometimes? Yeah.
>> Okay. Big up the gay people there. There's a lot of gay people there.
>> Yeah, we love the gays. I mean, I am LGBT. I am bisexual. I am the big >> man. Shout out to the LGBTQ PS5 HDMI, bro. Big man thing. Love it. Go. This is dry.
>> I'm looking for a nice man. Sterling, how do we find a nice man?
>> I just suspect you might have to lower your standards a little bit.
>> How low?
I was already in Miami. As low as it takes. That's not low.
>> As low as it takes.
>> Look, try it out for like a few months. Just like see how you go. You might find the love of your life.
>> Well, so like you're saying,
what will happen is you'll find the guy who gives you everything you've just talked about and then you'll be like,
he's kind of boring. He's boring. He gives me the ick somehow.
Are women called gold diggers? But there's not a name for men who only date attractive women.
>> Yes, there is. It's called normal because dating someone that you find attractive is normal. Any man or woman dating someone that they don't find attractive and they have other reasons for dating them will have their own special term like a gold digger.
Best thing a woman can do to increase emotional connection in her relationship is to start expressing gratitude and respect. This is something that a lot of women will hate to hear. I know the comments will be full of angry things about why should I respect him and why should I be grateful and that's exactly the
>> Okay, then why did you choose to be in a relationship with him? Why did you choose to marry him if you don't respect him? What does that show about you?
The problem. Most women are allergic to expressing gratitude and respect inside a relationship. But they demand to hear poetry, emotional romance and love, love, love. If you are not expressing gratitude and respect inside a relationship, you are starving that man and your relationship will not improve. And that's why you are not getting emotional intimacy.
>> Why am I not really attracted to anybody anymore?
>> So when I use this eraser, it comes off and it wears down. and then it's gone and it's left on the page. It's like when you when you use it too much, it goes away. And uh I'm sure that you can see the parallels. That's that's you. That's your pair bonding ability.
>> True.
So these are old memories. And uh if I keep punishing this thing, it's just going to run out.
>> If you had to choose, would you rather be desired for your body or your finances?
>> Finances. Absolutely.
>> Why?
>> Because financial like financially I already made it like bigger, you know? Like my body has nothing to do with my status in a way. If I've made it financially, I feel like I made it in life, you know?
>> Why do so many women prefer to show off their bodies rather than their finances?
>> [ __ ] I don't know.
>> Because usually men don't care about their finances. Especially the men that they want, the men that have money. I think it's easier to show off like your body, you know,
and how much you make.
Yeah.
>> Are those women objectifying themselves?
>> No.
>> Yes.
>> Why not?
>> I mean, God gave you your body. Like, you should be allowed to show it. Yeah.
>> By the way, guys, the video that you're about to see, this guy, if you listen to him, you will get any woman that you want. Just listen.
>> You buy this set at $39.99, baby. You're the [ __ ] of the walk, man. You walk into the bar and you just find the hottest chick and you go, "You, me." Guess what? She says, "Why would I go out with you?" Because I bought the deal on Wild West deals for $39.99. That's why. She says, "Can I go home with you?" That's how simple it is. That's how it works. That's what this set brings to the table. Because you know what she sees? She sees a man who knows what he wants. She sees a man who says, "Good deals don't get by me, baby." I move. I act. I act quick. I act now. I go to wild westde.com. Boom. That's why you're hanging with chicks all night long. That's why you got guys like Michael Jordan calling you want to hang out with you, baby, because you bought it for $39.99.
>> The state of California is expecting you to fund him not having a job.
>> Yes. Because I have to provide um the lifestyle. I have to maintain the lifestyle at my house at his house. That's my obligation, I guess. Which is crazy to me. So crazy, you know, because I'm like, well, I can spend more time with her, too, you know?
>> They say technically if I want to and I don't want to work, I don't have to work. We can both just not work and then we'll just give her that type of life, I guess. You know, life. So the alternative is basically if you don't want to have to pay for his lawyers for him to maintain the lifestyle you had when you guys were together because you make more money than him, the court expects you to provide your same lifestyle and he doesn't have to have a job. Or the alternative is okay, you just don't work, he doesn't work, and then you guys just live with whatever's left.
>> Yeah.
>> See how shocked they are? But this is what happens in most men's cases when they get divorced. This is what they have to do.
They're not pursuing them anymore. They don't know what they have to do to get a man to pursue them. But listen, let me tell you something. Dating has changed so much post me too era.
>> Men, especially younger generations of men, Gen Z, millennial generations, they are not going to pursue women the same way that they pursued women in the past because they don't want to come off as creepy, weird, whatever.
>> True.
>> Dating has changed. If you are a woman and you want a man, you are going to have to put some effort in. They're not going to chase you like they used to. Or it's not. Especially if you're dating,
ma'am. Why are you eating on camera? It's so disrespectful. You're You're talking with your mouth full. Why?
>> The top 10% of men on dating apps get 63% of the right swipes. The top 20% get 83% of the right swipes. 40% of men get 96% of the right swipes, which is madness when you consider it. And women find 80% of men on these dating apps to be unattractive and only four and a half% so attractive that they would actually pursue. So if you're in that top four and a half percent of men dating apps are fantastic for you, like you said, hookup culture boy phenomenon. It's only those men that are part of that hookup culture. Even Mack and Murphy was talking about the bottom third of men do not get to really participate in the short-term hookup culture for whatever reason. They may be too short or too broke. Yeah. And after they hook up with Chad, they wonder and they're shocked. Why did Chad leave? Why did Chad cheat on me? Why did Chad ghost me?
>> Scott Galloway had a great point. It's like women are not interested in mating with broke men. Like that is that seems to be the number one facilitator. And I also was reading one story where they were talking about the likelihood of going a year without sex. And one of the highest precipitators was living at home, being undermployed or unemployed was one of the highest precipitators of women not choosing you at all.
>> Let me save you a [ __ ] ton of heartbreak right now. If you see any of these three red flags, run. She flirts with other men in front of you. True.
>> Let me just put it this way. If she's comfortable flirting with other men in front of you, what is she comfortable doing when you're not around? when she says things like, "I don't usually do this, but look, I understand that that's supposed to be flattering, but to me, that just sounds like it's really easy for her to bend her boundaries, and it makes me question, in what other situations will she also bend those boundaries that she doesn't usually bend?" This one isn't talked enough about, but if she can't hold her alcohol, I don't know about you, but I am past the point where I want to babysit a grown adult. And if you are too, pay attention to that on the first few dates. Is she just gulping her drinks?
>> You want to date a woman that is not addicted to anything, alcohol, drugs, food, attention, whatever it is, guys. You don't want to date a woman like that. Cuz again, if she's doing that in the beginning when she's still making a first impression, imagine how it's going to be later.
>> So, I have been single for about a year now and I'm 29. I've never talked about dating on here, so I'm like getting red. To start off with something embarrassing, um, I have never been the one to leave. I've only ever been left in every relationship I've ever had. One could say I've been fumbled many times. But I also think,
>> why do you think that, ma'am? We haven't heard their side of the story. Why did they leave?
I think we really downplay things when we say fumble. Every time I've been fumbled, per se, I experienced this like deep soul level pain because someone is willing to walk away and decided that you were not worth staying for. And then we literally use men's terminology to describe that heartbreak fumble, a sports metaphor, because it's so common and it happens so much. There was definitely a time where I was so hard on myself and I was like, "Wow, there must be something wrong with me." And everybody knows it except for me and they're just not telling me. And that,
okay, ma'am, if you were in a relationship with so many guys and all of them left, who's the common denominator? Think logically.
That's why they all leave me. And then I was like, wait,
wait, it can't be my fault. It can never be my fault. I'm perfect.
I rock and I genuinely believe that I rock.
Okay, we're just going to skip this video.
I cheated on my husband in 14 years and lost him forever.
>> This is long, but it's something I need to get off my chest. My husband, 36 male, and I, 36 female, have been together for 16 years and married for 14. We have two daughters who are 13 and 12.
About 3 months ago, I cheated on him with my coworker once, and I immediately regretted it. To be honest, I still haven't figured out the real reason why I cheated. On the surface, the reason would be that my husband was too caught up with work for a couple of months, and I felt neglected and unappreciated at times.
>> I know that this isn't the real reason, so I'm trying to figure it out through individual counseling. I only cheated on him that one time and immediately told him the next day because I couldn't bottle up my guilt and shame. He was shocked at first, but then went on to call me the most horrid names. I deserved it. I deserved it a lot more than that. I don't even know how it got to the point of me sleeping with my coworker. It started with innocent flirting and before I knew it, I made the worst mistake of my life by sleeping with him.
>> Ma'am, you shouldn't have flirted in the first place. Then this wouldn't happen.
I wish I'd gotten hit by a car the day before sleeping with him. I cut off all contact with my coworker and gave up my phone to my husband. I wanted to reassure him that I was willing to make this work on his terms. Whatever they were, as long as he would give me another chance, even though in my heart, I knew that I wanted another chance to prove myself. I told him that I would understand if he went through with a divorce. Anyways, I told my husband that I would do anything to regain his trust and express my sorrow and regret for having hurt him so much. My husband has always been the type of guy to give a person only one chance. Even in his friendships, if the trust had been broken, he wouldn't give the other person another chance.