First Lie

All right, what are you doing? [Music] Philly boy, get in the bed. No, no, no. Is it? Oh, we just came back from dinner. Um, it was long. It was like 6:15 or something like that. Yeah, I hadn't seen it because I didn't have, I didn't have enough, um, time. So I, um, came to check in and then I was gonna change clothes, but I was like, "No, I ain't gonna change clothes right now." So I just, um, sorry, pain. But, uh, I ended up getting the room on my way up here because I can do it. I don't know, it doesn't sound, but normally my secretary would have did it for me, but she hadn't been at work. So, but anyhow, so, um, get in the bed. Okay, I'm talking to Braylon. Oh, you're saying that it didn't change clothes? Yeah, this song, but I was gonna just put some jeans and, uh, Gene got a shirt on, well, sweatshirt off outside, but I didn't because I was just like, "I'm sorry, you're gonna be seven." It was supposed to start at six, and, um, by the time I was gonna get there, it was gonna be like 17 or something like that. So I was like, "Let me just go on and go, keep this on." So I got there, um, it was a, it was a, well, we didn't ride around a lot, but I remember us passing this place called, uh, uh, Georgia, you know, the dog house, and it was right next to it. [Music]

But so online, they basically was just like, they had two rooms left at this hotel. It's like one block away. The conference hotel was full, and the one right across the street. So that meant I had to go to the third option. And, um, and I use booking, but I came in, I called a girl and I was like, "Why is it, it's a door, why open?" And I see a whole nother like section. And so I thought that it was a, um, like a joining room or something like that. Um, maintenance guy up here to check the room. She was like, "Stay where you are, I'm gonna send him up there to check the room." That's all I asked him. And he was like, "No, no, he's supposed to be open." So right here where I am, it's a king-size bed, but then in a bathroom. So then you go, why don't you go over to the next door? And that's where the light living room is, whatever, with the table and the, um, refrigerator and stove and all that kind of stuff. And then right past that, there's a bathroom. And then there's two queen beds because I was like, because I didn't come to this section because I didn't know what it was. And I was like, "I know I thought I signed up to say that I wanted a king bed." But, you know, that's what I was saying. And I was like, "I'd like to go and check and see." And then when I came over, you know, on this side that I hadn't been to, and that's when I saw. And I was like, "Oh, okay, okay, okay." All right, come on, some of this time. All right, so a little bit, I got work to do. I'm running out of reports tomorrow for observations, so I have to own, I got some of those that I gotta finish. Well, I do a lot of those, I got to finish, but still. So, but I said, I was, um, I looked in our email. I'm thinking about just giving those. They probably are doing dinner, but I have to, well, we have to go to VIP unless we take them a personal day, um, for Tuesday. And I'm not, not for that. So after tomorrow, um, whatever time that last session is, as usual, right? Crochet, six, because that way they can feed you dinner. They ain't gonna have to worry about coming back or whatever. But, foreign. Yeah, because I have to be to work in the, um, Tuesday morning for VIP, like our monthly principles mean. So, but the conference is still going on. So some of these people came yesterday. But I, I mean, I wasn't really going to be doing anything but school work. Then we had talked about that party or whatever. So I was like, "I just leave today." But I thought that they wasn't going to start until four, three. So that's why I had to hurry up and leave.

Foreign cruise, not today. Why? What's going on? She, I was there yesterday, or was it a day before when we send that to table? That's the last time I talked to him. What's up? All right, about this charger for Gabe, but didn't appear to be working today. And he said that this, he basically was like, "Accessory not found" or something. No, that's that black charger, and it broke. I thought he was gonna give me his, um, car to buy him to buy him a charger. It might just be something wrong with his charging port because it's not charging online. No, the port on the iPad. But, foreign, foreign, foreign. Make it to this one. This other one that those, um, cases or something like that. Oh, I'm out. Say what? And then I found out that they had a live stream. Oh, she's kind of like, seriously. [Laughter] Jones only approved too. Conference this year because of COVID. It is this organization again. The other one that time when you went to, um, was it Chicago or Boston? I must have been the one from Boston. Did go to that one in Chicago, but that was right before my brother had passed. So for the same conference, but, you know, all my money. Say what? I was just saying, I don't think I'm going to go to that one. I said, for one, I think I spent all my school money. Like the sun, yeah, actually some. It's like two salaries at all. Might end up, I can't feel where it might be some money out there, but I don't know. Thank you. I got two, um, or the principals that were here retired. The problem from where I'm the principal at, um, Lane, she was an official mentor. Her, um, actually when I got named right, no child fair from right before I got named prince, but she was like, um, "Sure, you don't wanna know, take over? Don't miss you long, not to get ready to retire." Well, five years ago, I was like, um, [Music] I mean, the principal at, um, Bruce is retiring. So she was with us that time when we went the principal award in Atlanta. You don't have too much more time. You got eight, eight years. Pick up that should be nice. [Music] Did I do what? Oh, no, you do something between. Huh? Has he done something to you? That's how to trying to worry me. [Music] Being normal for that. I know she was on the back end of, um, she was on the back end of taking her medicine or getting her shot. And, um, so she always gets a little extra when that's going on. So she was going through that. And I tried talking to her and trying to reason with it. And, you know, just let me know that I didn't really have the capacity at this time to really deal with anybody else's issues. And, you know, just a constant, "What you gonna do for me? And can you do something for me? And can you do this for me? And can you do that for me? And why you don't do this with me?" And I'm like, "I got enough of that going on to be trying to deal with whatever." And, you know, you made your own decisions about life. And, you know, the fact that you're there, [Music] um, you know, basically having to live your elder years without a companion, like that's not something that I had anything to do with. So, you know, I'm sorry, but not sorry. I got stuff that I have to take care of. And if you're not gonna go to the doctor like you need to, or talk to people like you need to, so that you can start getting some self-healing, then, you know, I'm not your counselor. All right, I can't, I can't make you feel whole. So, man, she was calling seven, eight, nine, ten times a day. And I was like, "Mama, um, I really getting to the point like, you know, I can, I know you're going through something, so I can talk to you, you know, once or twice a day, you know, just real quick, 'Hey, what's going on?' blah, blah, blah. But I just want to be on the phone for 45 minutes and you ain't talking about nothing." And like I said, all you're doing is complaining about, uh, what I owe you. I'm sorry, I don't, I don't have it. [Music] A lot of that going on. [Music] So she first shot at the, um, they come to give it to her. She have to go to the doctor. I should go to the doctor. No. Yeah, her nurse was telling me that she'd go up in there sometimes. And she went in there behind her one time, and mama was trying to leave without taking the shot, but was acting like she did. And I'm like, "Let me see if this draining, draining, draining." But, you know, if it gets any easier or not. [Music] In this person, but I, I mean, I did have to, [Music] go out and see some stuff today. So, like, are you ready to talk about hotel room business? Yeah, okay. [Music] I didn't go to a hotel. That was the night that I went to my sister's house to get that, um, to get that mask and stuff or whatever. And I was still kind of upset. So I said, "Well, I'm just gonna keep driving." And I got up there close to Six Flags and I kind of had just passed that exit. And so I was just trying to find something in that area where I could just turn around so that I could get back. But I haven't, um, been anywhere, if that's what you're saying. Okay, so the address was, and it still is in your car, which means that you put the address in to actually go to that place. I would, because I was driving and I had my phone, but I couldn't sit there and just, um, and actually, I just put that in because I was like, "Places near here" on my cell phone. And when I was looking at it, I didn't want to press it and try and pull that up because it was dark. So I just said, "Okay, um, let me just put this in or whatever." I forgot whatever it is, but it's a racetrack, um, right there. And so I just went to that racetrack, and that's where I turned around. It, and then just got back on the interstate because they said that you were in that location for like three hours, from like nine o'clock to 12 in the morning. I mean, I don't know, you know, what to say, but I wasn't. Yeah, but I mean, I did, um, you know, pull off at that racetrack or whatever, but I didn't stay there for whatever it is. I'm trying to pull up the internet for on that racetrack, but that was, uh, right there before that road. [Music] I mean, I understand if you were distraught and not in the, um, I mean, I can't say that you weren't in the business, you weren't in the best state of mind for our relationship. I say that, but I can't say that you weren't in your best state of mind for what, um, you need or what you wanted to do being in that space. But with that said, no, three hours is a considerable amount of time to not, for it to be off that much. I definitely wouldn't go, um, over an hour and 45 minutes or something like that, but definitely not for Thursday. Now, but like I say, I don't know. I know that I have that, um, in my car GPS, but I don't know where you would get three hours from. So I can't, I mean, I don't, I don't know what platform or whatever it is that you're talking about. Monticello, but what about my soul watches is close up that way. And basically, it's just come her and her husband in case they have like a shared custody or whatever it is, or sometimes she's there or she isn't there. But that's kind of, I guess you can say, like, uh, a place of refuge. What street does she stay on? Oh, no, I have to look at my, um, [Music] I mean, I remember she has like a white BMW or something. I think it's a BMW, but I know she, she had to get a new car because she did it here. [Music] So who stays on Magnolia Street? That's not, um, that's not her address. I don't know.

[Music] Just a reference point, um, for that for the area, but it's not, that's not her address. So what street does she stay on? I mean, how many? I'm asking questions, but I mean, I'm just, I'm having to ask because you're not, [Music] foreign. Because I mean, you told me that, uh, that I was, um, being crazy and get ready and checking your phone and and doing all of that. So I mean, I guess I was just in a space of, I knew I didn't want to be. I knew I couldn't be around you during those, um, particular times. But it's just me trying to, I don't know, get away. Or maybe I wanted you to, I don't know, I guess feel how I did. But then I thought about it, I'm like, "It doesn't matter because you, you still do whatever it is that you want to do." So it was pointless. So it was more of, [Music] I guess making you one, you want to, [Music] worry about me or have concern about me. But at the same time, it wasn't even really worth it because the message has changed. [Music] I mean, what, what, what wasn't really worth it? I'm saying it wasn't like, yeah, I was trying to, you know, clear my head or clear my mind. But I'm saying going to her house or asking her, um, you know, to meet me or whatever it was. I mean, I still went back home to the same, it's still the same stuff. You wouldn't talk it, or you go, we're like 12 o'clock or, you know, two o'clock or whatever, whatever it is. I mean, uh, right before whatever that is when I went to my sister's house or whatever it was when I was asking you about the, um, about like the whole strip club stuff or whatever. And all this kind of stuff. I mean, he was just blowing all up at me. Or I'm trying to look on the phone and see like, okay, like, you know, like where is he? Because you said that we won putting locations on each other. We've been doing all of that. But things like that, that is, it's okay if that's what you wanted to do. But if I asked the city, you like, "No, I'm a grown man. You don't need to be, um, expecting all myself, whatever it was." Like you made it like I was some kind of praying that building for it. But yet you are pretty much doing saying the same thing. And it's okay if you needed space to to drive around the breed or whatever it is that you were doing. But if I'm saying that, then I'm, it's not true. [Music] I'm asking you about specific places. Yeah, um, what I said was, I have been through that before. I told myself that I would not do it again because it drove me crazy. Is what I said about looking at that kind of stuff. But with that being said, um, if you ask me about something, I have not. No, you didn't. You say, "Why do you, I mean, why are you going through this? Why, why can't I, um, get out of places?" You, um, my bank account and was like, "These are the things that I've been doing." But that's not what you're doing. It's, it's like you're saying you can't do this because I'm a grown man. Don't worry about it. If I say I'm doing it, that's what I'm doing. But now you're double pushing me about what I'm saying. And then I'm supposed to be okay. That's what I'm saying. I mean, you just want it one way for you, but you don't want the same way for me. And I mean, in the back of my mind, I kind of did want you, um, to worry or or, you know, be like, "What is she doing?" Or whatever. But just, uh, in the back of my mind, I'm always worried. Um, like I said, the my initial statement is there. Is that it is my job too, or it's, I'm sorry, is part of my job to make sure that there is a covering of protection over my family. And I haven't, and I have never not said about or where is somebody. I mean, protection comes in many different forms. And I mean, that's not happening. Hi, okay. But it's what I am asking. Are you with specific places? There's no, definitely. I mean, part of it is, I mean, the watches with somebody that I asked me that I could talk to you that could kind of helped me, um, they, they're clear and just think on all this stuff or whatever. And that she was serving as my refuge. And I'm not out of the woodwork right now. So I just, if I need her again, I don't want it to be a situation to where, um, I'm feeling like, uh, Minecraft is being violent related because you are being insecure or self-conscious about what it is that you're saying. Jungle, but you still have yet to say over, "I put this tramping on your car. I did whatever it is." But you're not, you don't want to talk about any of that. But then I'm supposed to just sit there and you add yourself. And the reason why I wasn't there is because I needed thanks. Where, where are you? No, no, because every time I was around you, every time, um, I'm thinking about it, it wasn't healthy. I mean, it wasn't good. I mean, my blood pressure was gone. It's mine right now. I understand.

Once again, with allowing you in your space, even though it bothered me. But, but with that being said, space that I was allowing without any, um, uh, spoken word or any verbal disagreement about that space from, from my side of it, from your side of it, it was you just had to get away from me. Um, but I don't agree with your methods or, you know, why you chose to do something. Then you pretty much, um, get angry and start, um, yelling and accusing me, all this other kind of stuff. And I'm sitting here, um, being as honest with you. It's like candy. And I asked you a couple questions. That's what I'm saying. That's why I don't want to talk to you because you don't ever believe what I say. And all you're gonna do is follow up with another question. Like, these are the things that you were saying to me. And I'm not being that way. I'm, I'm just being fun. I'm telling you the things that, that you're asking about. But just like, I don't know. Okay, um, so, so take it away from being personal. And this is, have the conversation about two random people. Um, if, if you were had one, or if, if a person was at a place for three or four hours, then how would it sound to the other person if that person doesn't remember? I don't have anything in my position that is telling me how long you're going. I know when you see the house, I mean, that would change the dynamics. Um, but is it really because you said that I've been paying your privacy? So I'm just trying to find out, are we having the right to the baby? Because I'm sick. I'm telling you that I needed refuge. That I was mean and talking to, um, watching, so that I can just be in a good space and be able to go, go home. A first perspective. And, but you're still saying it as if I don't know. I mean, I'm not really sure. I'm not, I mean, because what you're saying is the Watkins, but you've been put Watkins address. And you put a random address that's somewhere around white is in. And you went to Watkins from the random address that you put in, even though she gave you her address of my mind for watching or tracking or whatever it is that you were doing. Where I know you can sit there and try and, uh, and figure it out. Then that means that that takes away where I can go, what, what I can do when I need to get myself together. Um, how, how so? What do you mean, how so? I mean, also, you don't trust me. And, um, so what happens? So what happened? I got in the car to put in the address to get the address. And I, and I saw an address to Lithia Springs. And I asked you about that. And you said nothing. You know, I did not say nothing. And you said you didn't know. Which is, which is, you said you didn't know. Which isn't it? Because I mean, I don't really know. Um, like, let me just praise or whatever. You said that. And you go, "Okay," or whatever. You weren't, um, thinking about it. I got in the car to go. I don't even know where I went to go. And I looked and I was like, "Okay." And I was like, "Okay, maybe he's talking about there's a racetrack or whatever that is. I know I passed these flags and I got off on that next exit." His own thing that I could think about. But honey, you said, "Okay," as is. All right, so I thought, "Okay," because obviously at that point, here right now, and, and factory, um, it's exactly how you see me. What I think it's exactly how I think. You say you can't talk to me, but I ask you a question that you don't answer. And no, that's not true. I'm saying that when I have questions about something, I mean, I mean, if I say something right now about what just happened in December, you get defensive and blowing up. I said it wasn't nothing. I don't know why you can't get over. I ain't saying that. But the thing that doesn't make those two things equal is that whatever you're talking about in December that you asked me about, I told you what I did. I told you why I did it. Okay? So, so, so, so that, so there was no, that would, so that there would be no confusion on your part as to what I did. Now, I can't judge you as far as your confusion or as far as your understanding of how you wanted to feel about it. I can't judge you on that. But there was no, um, there were no blank spots in what it was you asked. You asked what I ordered. I told you. I told you the exact scenario of what it was and what website I went to and what I got and how much it cost. And I told you everything that I, everything that I went through in that process until I asked you about it. It's not like, okay, but that's not, that's it. That's the point. I'm asking you. So you're trying to make an equivalence of two things. You're trying to say that you, me. So you're trying to say that you asked me something. You're trying to say that I didn't tell you, even though conversation three seconds ago, I told you exactly that. I told you. And you're trying to equivocate that to me asking you a question or questions now and you not having a definitive answer. And, and, and you're trying to judge me on how I should take it. Why I ordered, um, something off of exit. Which, mind you, you did go and look to see what it was. So did you ask me? And I said, "I don't remember what I ordered. I just remember going on this website and picking some stuff out, but I don't know what it was." Then that would, that would leave room for question. That that would leave room to question my motive. That would leave room to questions at the, um, said that until I brought it up, is what I'm saying. Be making it seems general like, "Oh yeah, I just bought us some stuff or whatever." You didn't say, "I personalized and you put the name on Earth." And the answer was the answer correct? No, I mean, not to me. But, you know, something. I know I told you exactly. I said, "On the website, they asked for no extra charge to put those things on there." So it was, so it wasn't, so, so I've already explained that it wasn't a situation where I pulled out some extra money or I, um, uh, sent them an email saying, "Hey, can I have this personalized?" That that was not the case. Um, and that was ex, and that was, um, verbalized. Um, so once again, I'm still saying that it's, it's, it, there still were no holes in what I said. But there are a lot of holes in what you're saying right now. You're saying that because you can't see whatever it is I saw that said that you were at a hotel for, uh, three or four hours, that there's nothing for you to say about it right now. You're, you're saying that because this address is, you're not even saying anything about the address. You're just talking about Watkins. But you've already confirmed it. Watkins doesn't build at the address. But you're not, but you, but you can't say why you were at that address for three or four hours. I mean, if Watkins doesn't live there, then why were you there? Uh, so why are you saying that I was there? I'm telling you that I'm trying to meet with Watkins and, and clear my head. And then why would it, it'd be okay for, um, for me to meet her or for her and pick her up or something like that? I'm just saying, I don't, I don't know why that wouldn't be okay. Um, but that's not what I was asking. I don't, I have no idea why that would or would not be okay. I'm asking why would you, why would she meet you at an address that is not where she stays at and stay with you at that address for a number of hours when she has a safe space in her home for, uh, you got for you all to meet and for you to be safe in that space? Because I felt like, um, the same faces that I need that it was going to be compromised. I mean, you'll sit there and act like, "Oh, you don't care," whatever, whatever it is that you're, you know, um, that you're saying. But I was just saying, whatever it is and saying, "Oh, are you right there for that amount of time?" You like that? I mean, you got mad at me because I was saying that you wasn't coming right home. I mean, you just blew all up about it or whatever. And if my car was right up when you got off the boys was like, "Where's that?" Or whatever. And I said, "Well, we can just stop by, um, we should be getting out soon." That's all I'm saying is that you blowing all up. I'm asking you things that, that's what you're doing. All I'm trying to tell you is that I was trying to keep my places of refuge, my places of refuge. Um, so if you go track with whatever it was that you were doing, because you'll say you calm about it or you don't care, whatever it is, but you're not, you're always thinking and doing something extra. Um, no, I can honestly tell you, I can honestly somewhere and go somewhere else. It doesn't mean that I'm right there. I can honestly tell you that I was not tracking you. I was not, um, looking for you. I was just worried. But that's something that, um, but what I'm, but I'm asking you about something that's very specific that you know. And instead of being honest with me, you're, you're falling back on, "This is why I can't talk to you." When you're not talking, talking is being honest. Understand. This is why I'm saying that this is why I'm not going into, um, the details. But I'm telling you to that that Watkins was my, my place or what, what I could do. Um, I wasn't sure if you were following me or not following me, whatever it was. But I needed my space to be by faith because we are still working through, um, to what I am. I mean, I'm, I'm here to here beyond a path that. And so if I needed to be back in that space again, then I wanted to be able to be that. Exactly. But what is, what is, so that address means absolutely nothing. The picture, the picture that I sent you, gonna take a look at it, please.

And I would be able to be on my way to where I'm going for weight watching. So you're saying you don't recognize that place? No, not, I'm not saying I don't recognize that place. I'm saying that there is open space, the right in there for what I can park my car together. Thank you.

[Music] Foreign. That you were when you did say where you were going, I couldn't hear that. It's some static. I said, when you did say where you were going, I took it as, "Okay, that's what she said. She going. That's where she's going." When you would leave the house and wouldn't say where you were going, I would say, "Okay, she needs her space." Do it. Once again, do I agree with it? No, not at any given point in time. Um, but why do you have to agree with it? I don't agree with it when you go to the store in the middle of the night, or when you go driving in the middle of the night. So I'm saying, when is it based on the other personal friend?

I think that it is, um, very disingenuous to compare me doing what I would normally do, which is go to the store, which is, um, do my little circle around making in order to breathe or for whatever reason, for whatever reason. You say, "Hey, I might go to the store. I'm not coming right back. I'm gonna be gone for about three hours. I just wanna ride." Um, whatever, whatever. Like, you don't, you don't do that. It's, it's in the smaller things. You don't do that. So I'm saying, you want people to check in with you and tell you every single thing, but you don't feel like you have to do that. And you basing it on gender, wherever the base is, whatever the basis is on, it still does not, it still doesn't, it still doesn't really compute that that what, if, if, if I wasn't an honest person to start there and, and I were to say, and the story that I gave you about what I did was the same story that was was saying the same thing that you were saying, or are you saying that there would be no question frequency of which you were doing it after me saying that I had a problem with it and you keep doing it, um, to me, that is a form of disrespect. But I wouldn't, I wouldn't, um, I mean, I don't understand why that's not the same. So are you saying that there would be no question? Because even now, you're still, you're, you're coming from a side or from a place of saying that, yeah, you go to the store, yes, or wherever it is to, um, to find out where is what you're saying, um, is true or what, whatever that part is. Your word, which is what I'm doing. I don't want that. I don't like it. But you, and you can call it childish, um, on my part. Okay. I'm not going to sit there and keep, um, saying abilities, don't do this. I'm doing it. Don't do this. I'm doing that. When you don't give me that thing with me. If you were at a place to me, well, I mean, you were showing me the respect that I was asking for. Okay. But all, all of that is fine. Of that, um, I mean, all that is fine to feel and look at, um, the situation in the way that you choose to look at it. All of that is fine. But they're still not answering the question. I mean, you're still jumping around. Oh, no. I mean, you're saying that, oh, well, since, since you're not showing me respect, I, I don't have to be honest with you. And whether I, whether, whether what I show, and whether, and whether what I showed comes across as respectful or not on your side, the one thing that I can count on from myself is that I'm going to be honest. So, so even, even if I, "Hey, Sean, I'm going to the store. I'll be back." And, um, uh, whoever, whoever sees me and at some place where I didn't say I was gone, you know, "Hey, Sean, I saw Rod at, um, I saw Roy down in Warner Robins Tuesday night." Then, then what I, then there's not even a wood. I know that if you were to ask me, I would say, "Well, yeah, I did go down to Warner Robins that night. Yeah, I know I told you I was going to the store." "Well, what were you in Warner Robins for?" "I was just riding, but I stopped. I went by this store, whatever, whatever, whatever." And that was all. But I do know that I would say that because for me, it's not, if I'm, if, if there was nothing for me to have to worry about, then having an additional argument or an additional story to make up wouldn't be necessary for me because that way I know if you come back and ask me two from now, if I remember that, and then I will be able to say, "Yeah, that's that night that I went to one, that I told you I was going to the store and I did to it and went to Warner Robins and ended up at XYZ spot and came back home." I remember that because it's not, I find it in my life a lot easier to answer the truth than to make something up and then than to lie to you and then have to turn around, um, a week from that, a month from that, a year from that, and have you ask me about it again or remind me about it, and I give you a completely different story because the first one was made up anyway. Thank you.

You're saying that I shouldn't have a problem with you lying. And that's not, and that's not it. And, but you, I'm busy. That, but but we always go through that. When I'm having it, when I'm asking you things, like I have to, I have to pull out concrete, um, honest to God, black and white evidence for you to be, for you to just tell the truth about a situation. And it should, it shouldn't have to be that way. I mean, regardless, regardless of the relationship, it shouldn't have to be that way. I mean, a week, 10 years down the road, and hadn't spoke to each other in 10 years, and if there's a question about the kids, I should be able to ask the question and expect an honest answer. Vice versa, you should be able to ask me a question and at least expect an honest. He said, "I can't answer." So I can ask you something, but you gonna make me feel so bad for him and trying to ask you. But you get the answer. I don't get the answer. Yes, you do. You get the answer. And you get to have your emotional time behind the answer, whether or not you agree with the answer or not. But, but I'm not getting an answer. I'm going down that road right now because I'm not trying to fear from what you're talking about. But that's not true. Even that's the problem. Is that you keep trying to make stuff like in your mind that he's true. And that's not the case. But you're not, but you're not, you're not telling me anything that I haven't told you an answer to. Like, whatever, whatever you want to, whatever you choose to bring up that you have asked me will be something that you have had an answer to. Now, whether you believe the answer or not, it will be what you had, it will be that you had an answer to it. What you're telling me right now is that I am crazy. That you were crazy. But you definitely trying to do anything like I am. No, no. You're trying to tell me that that a, that a concrete address is not a place that you were at. And it is not a place that you were at.

And it's not a place that you were at for a considerable amount of time. And you're telling me that you contacted someone who gave you their address. And you, instead of putting in their address, put a random address in here, went to said random place, parked, I would assume, made a phone call to, um, Watkins and said, "Hey, I'm parking over these people's household you don't know and I don't know, but I'm gonna park over here. Can you come get me from here and bring me to your house so that I can feel safe and then bring me back to my car that's in these people's yard that you don't know and I don't know and I'll leave from there?" Because that, that's what you're saying. And that makes, that doesn't, that makes no logical. But that doesn't even make illogical sense. So, so in asking me to believe that, based on the way that it was said, is it, you're asking me to be crazy? By definition, you're asking me to discard all facts and go with something that does, that go with something that if I told somebody that, I would have to turn around and walk away from them because God knows you can't ask me another question about it. So, would you, would you agree or disagree to to how that sounds? Hello? Yes. Okay. Would you, would you agree or disagree with that? I basically have to settle with that every single time. Um, but it's easy to settle when you haven't cleared anything up. Like, it's not settled. It's just that you stop talking about it. It's just that you stop responding to it. But it's not settled. Right there. There's like these things have happened over the course of our being together. And these are the type of answers that I'm so used to getting from you. And at the end of the day, I don't understand how you feel that the other party is supposed to be able to have 100 trust and give 100 love, adoration, um, give 100 respect when that person knows that if they ask a question, they're not going to get an answer. They're going to get it thrown back on them about something they did. About, about they're gonna get the story changed and still not haven't answered. I mean, we can talk about everything that I do. But that's not the conversation that we're having right now. I know that. And that's why I'm not, I'm not going that way. Okay. Well, can you, can you clarify this address situation? Okay. If I would, this address situation. So we're talking about Hotel address, slash racetrack? Are you talking about what happens? Nah, I'm, I mean, I'm, I would rather deal with the house address because, you know, the hotel is a situation where, you know, they're not going to give him any information. If I would have called them and say, "Hey, uh, can you verify blah, blah, blah?" They're not gonna pull any tapes. There's gonna be nothing concrete there. Um, all that, all that I know about the hotel is that you would have from nine o'clock to roughly 12 o'clock. And, and that's not the story that you have. You said you turned around. Um, so there's no, there's nothing silent on that. So I would much rather deal with, uh, the Magnolia Drive address. Hello? Did I break up? And correct my car. Hello? And it gave me an opportunity to be able to shop. Give me me. Okay, can you restate that? Because evidently I'm driving through a dead spot and I couldn't hear. Hello?

Hello? Yeah, I guess I was going through a dead spot or something. Maybe a little Wi-Fi. I don't know. I couldn't say to me. I said, "Or maybe it was the Wi-Fi." I don't know. So since I, I couldn't hear, I'm assuming that you said the same thing you said before, right? You know, whatever. I'm, I'm not sure. Um, because anytime I've said it, you said that wasn't the case or whatever. I just said that I was able to park my car, um, and I was able to be able to meet with Watkins. Please let us eat. I also said that I have, um, not, um, that I have not, um, violated our marriage vows, our committed adultery, or anything like that. So I don't know what else it is that you want me to say. You're saying that, I mean, space is not because I need space because I'm trying to be by or with somebody else. It's because I, I need a mental break from the stuff that we have going on. And I understand that. Right. What I'm, what I would, what I would throw in is, is that if you needed a hotel for the night, not, not that you don't have the finances to get it yourself, but I would have gotten it for you. You don't even want to get a hotel where we doing stuff as a family together. So why would I even think that you would want to do that? Because I just said it. I mean, no, no matter how much it hurt me, I did not question you on where you went nor what you were doing while you were gone. But under trust, I still would. I still would have expected for you to say, if you were in a situation that could be looked at as being nefarious, I still expected that you would come home and say, "Hey, Roy, I went XYZ." Um, you know, like you just said, there was nothing, um, salacious going on. Um, but, you know, that is where I was, and that's it. Thank you. And then allowed me to have my feelings about it. Because at the end of the day, it was still a choice. It wasn't, it wasn't that you just ended up somewhere. It was a conscious choice. It was something that you wanted to do. No one, no one put any guns to anyone's heads and forced them to go anywhere. So yes, I would, I, I, the same as you are allowed, I would have been allowed to be in my emotions or in my logic. But at that point, it would not have been logic. I mean, but just like that, I mean, I've been talking to you for about an hour and a half. And like, you still are acting oblivious to what his address is. Or let me, let me, let me say it this way. The address can easily be looked up under the name of the owner in Jasper County files. And they have to publish those files online. And so you feel like you were talking down to me because that's not something, um, that I would know. No, I'm saying that the house is registered to, uh, Dwarka Jackson. Drunker Monte Jackson is who that address is registered towards. The address that you were at for on several occasions, but on one occasion for hours in the middle of the night, is registered to Wacky. And that's not talking down. That's, that's having been talked down to for an hour and a half. I haven't talked down to you. No, no. Well, but it is talking down when I'm asking you a specific question to a specific address that you obviously know. And you not giving me the answer. You've been talking down to me this entire time, making me feel like I'm crazy instead of just being honest and saying it. I mean, you've involved Watkins for no apparent reason other than to not say for no other reason than to not be honest. No, I've involved her because she, um, has offered to be a support for me and, um, navigate and trying to get my head together. So I wasn't offering, um, her for no apparent reason. So you offered her because she would lie? No, so she would have said she would have said the exact story that you just said. And that would not have been a lie. She would have said, um, what I said. It would not have been a lie.

So she would have said that it made perfect sense for you to park your car at an ex-boyfriend's house? It's the same, it's the same person that you call to get advice on how I raise my sons to see if I'm, to see if I'm doing a good job. Which means that this is a person that you obviously have more trust in them than in me to to to feel the need to even ask them about how I choose to raise our boys. It's also the same person that you

asked after you already talked to your ex-girlfriend, whatever, sportsperson, about some scholarship information. Who, who are you speaking about? The same person that you're talking about? Wacky. Yep. So the equivalency here is that me talking to him is the same as you talking to him. Uh, the equivalence is that anybody, um, from my past, know that it's from my past and that it has nothing to do with my future. But the fact that you would cover it up and not be honest about it, I mean, [ __ ] at this point, mean absolutely nothing. Huh? I'm not covering it up, um, at all. That I said that there's somewhere that I can park my car, which is exactly what I said. But GPS doesn't normally like, just put you in a place and leave you there if you're not there. What GPS? The GPS that's embedded in your phone. I, foreign. [Music] GPS work or a tracking system. And I also know that I could turn things off at any point that I wanted to. I also understand and know that I can leave things in certain places if I wanted to. If I don't want to be located, I do understand that. I know about, um, court records and I also, I know about all these things. So it's not like it's something that is trying to be hidden. It's not. I mean, for you to bring it to me, then you already have your assumptions or or thinking, whatever it was. And that's, I'm trying to let you know is, is that it's not gonna say joyful at all.

Foreign. But that's really not the type of environment that I'm trying to be in. Like, I don't, I don't want to be in an environment where, where it's okay for me to get in an argument with you and, um, find out where Kim stays at and go park my vehicle at her house so that Jamal can come pick me up. It was better than, um, parking it in some randomness, um, that can lead the damage or anything else. Or it would have been better than me just parking my car in Jamal's yard. I'm watching has been myself, which is [Music] why I can't have a black car. I don't know. I know he has an ex-wife. So I mean, I don't know what she does. Does she live there with him? I don't really know. For you, for you to know that your car is safe in his yard and not know. So I mean, I don't know what kind of car she has. I'm asking because somebody just drove past me looking like they really didn't want to go in the yard. But I know his head, even though it's dark. So that's why I'm asking. Like I said, I don't know. Um, or can you, can you text him? See if he at the house?

It's safe for you to leave your car at his house until 12 o'clock at night, but it's not. Because I don't have to interact. I wouldn't have to interact. I got my own key. So you wouldn't check with him to see if it was okay to park the car in his yard? And, and if I said that I wouldn't have to interact, if my car is there, I don't have to, um, be like, "Okay, I'm about to get my car" or whatever. I mean, if my car is there, it's there. And then when I'm leaving in my car, I'm leaving in my car. I mean, I'm so, so is there any accountability in this at all? What, what do you mean? Hey, do you have any accountability in anything that, um, in any of the way that you're saying any of this went down? I, I still, I have yet to hear any accountability as far as any of it being the greatest idea or the worst. I, I've, I've yet to hear any of that. All I've heard is no accountability. I shouldn't, I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have seen it. I shouldn't have looked it up. I shouldn't have looked it up. Um, I, I'm, I'm talking to you like you're a child, um, when I say how I came about the information because these are things that you already know. And, and you're smarter than, um, anything that I can possibly think of. So, so I'm trying to figure out like, like there's no, there, there's, there's no remorse. There's no accountability. There's no, "I'm sorry that." I mean, it's the definition of what you claim that I am, which is your, your favorite narcissist is lack of accountability. Is, "I am, I am great. I am, I am the one. I am wonderful. Um, there's nothing wrong here. There's nothing to see here. You're just crazy for for thinking that. You're just, you're, you're just this and that and the other." And then like every time I come up with another piece of evidence, it's, "Oh, I don't know how GPS. I don't know how that GPS works." So, so I'm gonna dismiss that. Um, "I don't, I don't know how this. I don't know how you, how that does that. So I'm not gonna talk about that part." It's, it's, it's classy. You said that that's not even a thing. So, but anyway, I'm, I'm not, um, not taking accountability for anything if that's what you're saying. I'm just letting you know that I needed space for myself. It was not about space, um, to make space or opportunity for anybody else. This was about me, um, clearing my head. And I mean, that's, I don't know what else it is. And then, and that's the lack of accountability because I wanted to. I did. And you should be accepting, accepting that, even though it doesn't make sense that I would do it in the, in the way that I did it. You just need to be okay with that. No, I'm not saying you need to be okay with it. I, of all people, understand that, um, you, I'm well, you, you can, you, you may, you may, you are, you have, you do. But dealing, you dealing with a real situation. I haven't, I haven't given you that. I haven't, I haven't given you, um, uh, uh, ex, ex-girlfriend vibe. I haven't given you, uh, new, I haven't given you new girlfriend vibes. Doing about. And you were like, "Well, I'm not gonna get rid of them." Well, it's not like that. I'm like, "Why would y'all be in the same space together?" I mean, it's not like that. Um, well, the wire is, if you said you wasn't going to talk to her anymore, then why are you, um, still communicating with her, proofing her work, and all this? These are all things that you didn't tell me on your own in the first place. Who, who are we talking about? Only because I didn't catch a name. Who are we talking about? Hello? I said, "Who, who are we talking about?" Hello? Yes, yes. What part? What person are you talking about? Sean? I don't know if you're not answering or if the phone is breaking up. But you know the things that you've done are the people that you claim are your friends that are girls. So I mean, I don't understand why I would have to break that down for you. Because I'm asking because I add, because I'm not sure. So I'm asking for clarity. This is no, no, it's okay. No, maybe you're not. But I promise you that it's not. I, whoever it is that you're talking about is not someone that I have been sexually active with. I can, I can tell you that. And once again, that goes back to the whole, whatever, whatever you say about or whatever you try to dig up about me being giving someone, um, emotional and sexual and, uh, spiritual time to them that I'm not willing to give to you, is not there. And I don't have a safe space with any female that I have had sex with because, just like everyone else, including yourself, knows that's not a safe space. There is not a man on this earth that doesn't start salivating when a female comes to him with with comes to him with her, um, marital issues. And when you mix in the fact that that bond has already been broken, then that makes it worse. So that's why, that's why I don't do it. That's why I stand against it. And you are a very intelligent lady. You, you know what the numbers, you know what the statistics, you know what the data, you know what the emotional bond, you know, you know what all of those things go, I mean, you know how all of those things play into those types of situations. So again, from a, from an accountability standpoint, it's just not willing to be accountable because no matter what, I mean, you, you still haven't said, "Uh-huh, I'm listening." All the, all these years. Uh-huh. And you're talking about somebody that I had sex with in the ninth grade or the eighth grade, whatever it was. I mean, what kind of bond is it that you think it could be that can come all the way back from that? Well, number one, was, was he the one that took your virginity? I mean, that's, could be, that's kind of loose. Was he the one that took your emotionally sexual virginity? Yeah, I guess. Okay. Was he the first one that you wanted to have sex with that had sex with you? Hello? [Music] situation in middle school. But yeah, okay. And, and have you ever looked at or researched the, um, bond between a female and the person that she chose to give her virginity up to? Um, no, but you should. Um, he, like, talk to me or, or helped me, um, look at a situation in a different manner. And, uh, once again, when I am, I, I think, I think, I think the scenario of Terence is, and not, not cousinship, uh, related because he's not my cousin, um, but his mindset is in the proper place. It's, "I'm gonna talk to you, and I'm gonna talk to her. I'm gonna talk to both of you." Because if there's something that needs to be fixed, it's not gonna be fixed by hearing one side of the story. If there's something that I can help you with in your relationship, it's not gonna be helped by listening to one side of the story. That's what we have friends for. We have friends to tell our side so that they can be empathetic or sympathetic with us, or so that they can stand in the gap and tell us when we're right or wrong. That's what friends are for. A person helping you with a situation, dealing with your relationship, that knows or has an idea of both parties, that does that, that is not willing to have a conversation with the other party, I'm sorry, there, there is no, there, there is nothing to be, there is no honor in a married woman showing up at another man's house for him to counsel her that he can see as being appropriate. That is disrespectful from the female side, and it's disrespectful, disrespectful from the male side. And it might just be me. Like I said, I'm an honest person. I'll go over the, um, in the past when I had friends, I would go over to their house and if their wife, girlfriend, whoever was in the house and they weren't there, I did not enter the house. All right, you can come on in. Nope. I'll wait until he gets here because I'm not here to see you. Or I may be here to see you, but I'm not coming. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not gracing this doorway without the male who you say you're, um, connected to. I'm not coming in here without him knowing or, or being here. I'm not gonna do it because at the end of the day, when he walks in or when he pulls up or when he gets dropped off or however he gets back to this place, and he sees me parked, sitting in in his living room or whatever, there is no excuse. There's no way I can tell him how long I've been there and I've only been here for 30 seconds. That none of that matters. But again, I keep myself accountable for how, how things are perceived. Or I tried to, uh, obviously the ordering of the pen and jacket was not in good, or not, it didn't come from a bad place, but it could be perceived as coming from a bad place. And as I said, I was in a rush trying to do something. So, you know, I know from my life, I know that when I try to rush and do things, they don't always work out the way I intended. So I try to take my time with things because, because at the end of the day, there's, if there is no, there is no story that can be told that is going to be perceived as being an honest story. If he talks to me and, "Hey, Roy, man, this is what happened," blah, blah, blah, blah. Hell, you didn't have time to talk to him. You ain't had time to send texts back and forth. Yeah, you had time to get your story straight, bruh. You've had time to be in line. Can I ask why? Because, okay, all right, y'all got time to get your story together. And as outside people, they don't owe me anything. They don't owe me an honest conversation. They don't owe me anything. So to expect bland honesty from them would be naive on my part. But at the same time, to call somebody on their BS, I haven't quite learned how to not, how to not do that yet. You know, because from the outside, if you're gonna, if you're gonna participate in the dysfunction of a household, then you should know it. So that when you get those phone calls two years from now and things may or may not be going well, you know you had a part in that. And you may or may not choose to take accountability at that point, but you know you had a party. I gotta say, any phone number that you found or saw, I was talking to somebody for X amount of hours. I have never stood in the way and said, "Don't call them," because I know that what I say is what happened, and they can't say nothing different. Might be able to get their version of it from their perspective, but it's gonna be the facts will be the same.

And, and again, the fact that like, you, you did, you, you divulged no information. Anything that you have said has been because I brought something else to the table that now you get to add into your repertoire of what, what was going on. So even that comes from a plate, comes from a perceived dishonest place. And that's not, and it's not like this is the first time. It's, these are, this is, this is why it's hard for me to talk to you. You can say you're scared of me and this, that, and the other. But you can't tell me when I balled you up and beat, beat the mess out of you. You can't say that. And again, like I said, years ago, in the past, if you're afraid of someone, there are certain things that you, there's certain things that you just don't do. So it's not, it's not, it's not coming from a place of fear. It's coming from a place of control. It's coming from a place of doing what you want to do, when you want to do it, how you want to do it, because you're not gonna, you're not gonna be accountable for it. And that is a very privileged position to be. I mean, so question, so when you were walking through the house and ignoring me and sleeping upstairs and all this other stuff, were you taking into account that it was not gonna make any sense that you could spend time in a room with a whole another man as you were taking your space and sleeping upstairs and walking through the house ignoring me? Did you not think about the fact that spending time with another whole man, human being, was going to come across as a bit odd? I'm not being in a space with you because you, you know, wait, wait, wait. Before, before you blame me, can you deal with the question? And then you can blame me. I'm trying to be with somebody else. Space that we're in, but the space that we're in is a space that's allowable for me to go and hang out at females' houses. It's allowable for you to, um, continue to talk to people and to buy people stuff. So obviously, I don't need you today. So no, I mean, obviously that was for a Christmas party. This was not a Christmas get-together. This was not a function. This was you making a, this was you making an individual choice. Shame and the guilty. It's still, it's still varying to unaccountability. You still wanted to be my fault that you did, and it's not. Throughout all of these years, happy times and definitely unhappy times, I know what my boundaries are. And, um, I'm not acting. Plenty of people on my screenshot all the text messages that I got today so that I can send you, um, for this, uh, so my supervisor, who you swear is more than what it really is. And I'm just only giving one or two words, um, statements or whatever, because you always act like I'm throwing myself on people or whatever it is when I'm not. I just, because somebody is talking to me or, um, even if somebody had injuries or something else, I'm a grown person. I know how to have boundaries for myself. But, but you, but you don't, but you don't give that allowance to me. Although I do. I, you, I, you take your allowance. I mean, you said that you want to call one thing, the only thing that could be, um, disrespectful, but that's not it. I mean, the way that you treat and talk to your mama is the exact same way that you treat and talk to me or anybody that pisses you off. You're the one that holds grudges with people months and months and months and don't want to talk. You're the one that cut yourself out for me. And how I was getting ready to say from before then was when you, I'm full of baby, pregnant with Christian, and you all sad and depressed or whatever about your job situation. Like, "Okay, I'm gonna go up to it then and get a job or whatever." Um, obviously that was 21 something years ago or whatever. But even, um, during that time, um, Jacob might reach out to me or whatever. It's like, "Hey, how you doing? Are you pregnant?" Or whatever. And all this kind of stuff. But it wasn't, it's just in a friend zone. It's not about trying to rekindle sunset or any of that. I mean, I don't know, however many weeks ago I thought I told you that, um, Eric inboxed me and was like, "Hey, how's it going?" Or whatever. And I'm like, "It's, it's good." Well, right the other day or something like that. And I'm like, "Okay, but did you speak?" "Oh, yeah, yeah, we talked and we, you know, see each other at the school and blah, blah, blah." And all that kind of stuff. And I'm like, "Okay." I mean, I mean, as long as you ain't being disrespectful, because I ain't nothing for you to be disrespectful about.

Foreign. No. And about your supervisor, the, the question was, why was he texting you at 10 o'clock at night? It wasn't a throwing anything up. It was a, "Why is he texting or calling or whatever the case was at 10 o'clock at night?" Which never got an answer about that. But because they go out to drink and he was asking me was I turning? And I said, "Any other time you say that, I told you why his picture was in my phone. He, we were trying to take a group picture. He said, um, 'Oh, I'll take it.' He took it." And I'm going through the pictures or whatever. But why a selfie? But I'm saying, I'm telling you those things. I'm not trying to, like I said, I didn't put anything off on it. I just, I guess the question is, as I should be able to ask my wife, why, why she's out, um, away from the house for a couple of days, why some supposedly married or single, I don't know, guy is her supervisor texting her after business hours? That would, that, that's it. That is a logical question. If I'm out on a business trip and whoever Sally Sue takes me or calls me at 10, 11 o'clock on my personal phone, I would expect for you to ask the question, "Roderick, why did Sally Sue text you?" Y'all had been together all, y'all have been together all day. You get loud and you get disrespectful. I can't ask you stuff? Yeah, because I, because I'm not, because what I'm saying from that perspective is that if I've not given you a reason to, if I'm not, if my history is that of not being out, uh, doing nefarious acts, then why are you, then why are you coming at me with the aggression of me having done a nefarious act instead of just asking, "Hey, why did Sally Sue text you that night?" Oh, it was because, oh, okay. Well, you do see why I see that as being strange, Roderick, don't you? Yeah, yeah, I can see that. But that's what happened. But that's not how the conversations with you go. And now you are the one that's being, uh, delirious, because the way that you talk to me and the stuff that you say, it does not equivalent, equivalate to or is equivalent to you love somebody or you care about somebody. Now I'm seeing it by Ernie. But why are you sitting there going to the porn shop or whatever that is in the middle of the night? I, I'm tired of answering the stuff. You need to check yourself out there. Look, all right, that's what you say to me. I'm just trying to figure it out. I mean, I'm sitting right here next to you. Okay, but three boys that have sex, but you, you don't want to have sex. But, and I'm saying, "Okay, well, like, can we make love? Can we spend time with each other?" I don't know what, I mean, whatever it is, your excuses are. But then, um, I, I want you to buy stuff or do stuff for me. You, it's not in your, um, uh, wheelhouse. It's beautiful for me, but then you can do it for somebody else. But you could buy me a gift card, but you can personalize stuff to somebody else. I mean, if you, you put your weight in other women more so than you do me. All you, that's a negative. One week, one week, if you, if you go back and seriously look at what I asked you, one week when we got this new house, which was not in my time, which was not in my time frame, before I signed those papers, I looked at you. Oh, I'm sorry. Before we got in there, we had the conversation that we're not going to bring the madness and, uh, whatever it was from the old house, we're not bringing it here. Still here. When I got you, um, your anniversary ring, there was a conversation that you said yes to. Now, I haven't put my name down for a $350, $370,000 loan for any female other than LaShonda Gilbert, after I went out and purchased an evidently non-personalized, $10,000 ring for anyone not named LaShonda Gilbert. And I will not in my life do it again for anyone that's not named LaShonda Gilbert. And that's over a five-year time span. That's almost $400,000. Yeah. And the agreement was that I'm paying for it. That was not the agreement. That was not the conversation. That conversation, "Shonda, you're getting a raise. I'm not getting a raise." That was the conversation. "Oh, I pay the notes, Roy." That was the conversation. But again, because of those things and lack of accountability on my part to not just say no in the beginning and deal with whatever wrath you chose to give me at that point, rather than that, I just, I collapsed and I gave you authority that I should not have given you. And because you look at the relationship as, "You can get what you want, when you want, how you want it," there is no respect for me. And that's not your fault. That's my fault. He said, "I can't get it." You know, the way that marriage is set up is it's, "I give you the return of what you give me." The return of your respect for me comes back towards you as love and affection. When I give love and affection, my return should be respectful. I'm not asking you for love because that's not the way that it was written for me to get what I need to be functional in the marriage. I don't need your love. I need your respect. From your perspective, you should not be asking me for respect. You should be asking me for love. I can't get it there. Air, gold, lack of respect. It's a circle. It always has been a circle. It's deposits in the bank. I take you out to eat. I'll show you a nice time. I keep the kids, keep them sane, keep them, be a father to them. Then in return, I should get the respect of that. And the more respect I receive, the more love I give because it's building. Both of us staying in the circle. That is the purpose or that is the significance or the, um, symbolism of the ring. The circle that is never broken, has no beginning, has no end. And although you can, I will say this aloud so that I can make sure that you hear me, I am not Kevin Samuels. Is there content that is useful for me? Yes, there is. But am I trying to be him? No, I am not. But in the same like that I have to hold myself accountable for what I listen to and how I allow it to enter into my spirit and be, um, um, how I allow to come out in the world, is my responsibility. Is what I have to be accountable for. In the same vein that things that we watch on television, music that we listen to, um, the, the energy of people that we are around, are things that we have to be accountable for how those things come out of us. So it's respect. Like I said, when I, well, when we're having conversations or trying to talk, and your face is frowned up, that is a visible sign that you are not respecting the conversation. Um, if you, or sex, but you can't even, um, have confidence enough to actually make love to me. That's all you own. So with that respect, is that love? We're emotional. And from a whole day of, uh, disrespectful conversations and disrespectful actions, and wake you up, and you still gonna be nasty and mean to me.

The respect from waking up is an accountability issue that I have taken on for myself. You, you know that we have been together for a long time, and it would be disingenuous to say that for all of these years that you've respected that I have. That I, I try not to say I have them now, although they do come and go. But it will be disingenuous to say that you are respectful of me having sleeping conditions because the conversation was, "It's not my job to wake you up. You're a grown man." So that's, that's not the, "I'm gonna, I'm gonna make sure that my husband gets up so that he does go to work on time because I need, I need, I need him to make whatever money he can make." So it's not been a situation that comes out of respect. It's been a situation that has come out of me having to finally take accountability for myself. That's all I've been asking you the whole time. And what I'm saying to that, to that point, you haven't been asking in a loving manner, in a respectful manner, from my, from my perspective. It hasn't been, "You know, I'm gonna wake up and, uh, yeah, I mean, I get, I get up. I get up fine in the morning. So I'm gonna take my strength and use that strength to help his weakness." Is no, "I'm strong in this area. You need to figure out how to be strong in it too." It wasn't a, "You know, I'm gonna wake up and, um, throw a couple of pieces of bacon in the in the microwave and, you know, a piece of jelly toast and, uh, bring it in there and tell him to get up so he can eat because I know he'll get up to do that." So, or I don't know, but let me, but let me try to, but let me try to figure out a loving way to get it done. Let me see if, let me see if this will work. No, it was, "Oh, I tried to get you up. It didn't get up. I gotta go to work." Okay. So I mean, and not saying that there's a right or wrong in that, just saying that from my perspective, it doesn't come across as respectful. In the same, in the same vein that me pushing your head down is not an act of love towards you. But there has to be accountability for both of those actions.

I see that she feels very strongly about that. I mean, I just, I like oral sex. But because she feels strongly about me pushing her head, okay, I won't do it. I could find, try to find a different way or pull out some tapes, I don't know, to say, "Hey, this is, this is what I enjoy. You've been able to accomplish it. I, I, I go to an entirely different place when you do." But if it's something that is not consistent, I can understand that. And if it's something you're not willing to do, then that's you saying you're not willing to do it. I want to do it, but you won't give me a chance. Giving a H encompass in the love portion of, "Okay, let's go out to eat. Okay, Sean, do you want to do what? Sean, you want to do what you want to do?" This, okay, let's do this. "Sean, you want to go here?" Okay, well, let's go here. I, all of that is is encompassed in me being me, having the mindset that, "Okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna receive a reward for this work." So there is time. There have, there has always been time. I mean, if we, if we go out to dinner, I mean, we're grown. You can unbuckle your seatbelt and hop on over, hump on over, uh, to my side of the car and take care of it. Just, "Hey, I appreciate you. I appreciate you taking me out. I know you didn't have to make sure that I'm, I'm being satisfied." That's one. But here we go again. Me making sure that you're satisfied is a two-hour process. You making sure that I'm satisfied is a three-minute process. But you want those to be equal. I don't, I don't know how we get there. Well, I know how we get there because psychologically, you have to, as a female, psychologically, or let me, let me preface it this way, the way that it's written.

Yes. So I think the phone hung up. But I was saying that the way that it's written, that psychologically, you have to want the person that is providing the sexual activity, which enhances all of your female tinglies, so that it does not take an exorbitant amount of time to action the. I think the numbers on it is the average orgasm for a female, I think, is 15 minutes. The average orgasm for a male is, don't make me say three. I think it's four, like three or four minutes. Which, from a biological standpoint, males are already on the short end of females getting an orgasm. That is where foreplay comes in, giving you the additional 12, uh, three from 15, 12, giving you the additional 12 minutes at minimum that will help you to possibly get to a climax at the same time as the male, once he gets finished with foreplay and moves into actual intercourse. Now, those are just the numbers. Those are the numbers based on research, based on, uh, calculations. That those are just the numbers. So if it's taking 30 minutes and this, that, and the other, then the culprit is me. It's, it's that you don't see in me the, the man that should be able to do that for you. Which, once again, backs into respect. And I also, it's, it's unfortunate for me, and it's a, I mean, I can't say it's unfortunate for us, depending on where you stand on it. But the numbers show that once a woman is at a point where she does not respect the man, which I feel like we've obviously been there for way too long, that it is impossible, numerically, almost impossible for a male to get respect. So I just talk about it to you. I don't ask for it. I can just tell you when I'm perceiving it as being disrespectful. But I'm not asking you to change it because you don't, you do not respect me. And I, I have my ideals of where I think it stems from, which was way before I ever got there, way before you ever met me. But that's, that's not for me to fix or for me to, um, spend my time and energy trying to get you to see it or get you to, or get you to answer to it. It's not my job. So before I get off the phone, because it's 12 o'clock now. Okay. No, no, no, no. You don't, you don't even have to. No, no. I'm useless. I'm disrespectful. Um, so when you talk to me, when you talk to me, and your face is frowned up, you're telling me that that's respectful because you can't. What's your, what you're attempting to do is you're attempting to take the words that I've said, not attribute any of the actions that I've given with those words, and you're, and you want to keep this loving man that's so affectionate and caring. And you're not, you're not. I've been begging you to take me out for like three months. And because you went somewhere with me and the kids, I'm supposed to be satisfied? No, you're supposed, you're supposed, you're supposed to stop trying to blame me for it every time and say, "Okay, and say, Shonda, what are you doing to facilitate, if anything? If anything, what are you doing to facilitate this idea that he's not going to take you out?" Do you have any part? If you have no part in it, then you write it off and you say, "He's just an [ __ ] and I shouldn't have to deal with an [ __ ]." But it starts with you looking at you. The things that you just said about me, I know those things about me. And I try to be more of what I find it difficult, and I won't say find it difficult, or what I see my flaws as, I try to improve on them because it is accountability. But I can only be accountable for me. If you, not have, if you're not giving me, uh, emotional energy, sexual energy, uh, phys, um, uh, spiritual energy, positive on all three accounts, then I have to look at me and say, "Okay, Roger, what are you, what are you doing? What have you tried to do? What if, what have you tried, whatever you tried to make better? What have you tried to, you know, did, did you go down another one of those rabbit holes that you go down? And are you, do you need to dig yourself out of it? Is, is this something that you have done?" Speaking to myself. Is this something, Roderick, that you have done that you are, um, putting out in the atmosphere that is giving off the vibe that you should not be getting any emotional, spiritual, or physical attention from your mate? That's where I started. [Music] And like I said, I can't say this where you need to start it because one way or the other, if it's, if it's not with me, then God willing, because you're gonna have my kids, God willing, you find somebody to spend the rest of your life with, and God willing, you look at yourself in that situation, in that relationship, and can feel comfortable giving the things that are required for him to give back to you, the things that are required. I do pray to God that that is the case. But, you know, I'm not gonna, I also cannot allow, um, myself to be constantly berated and and and disregarded and and beaten up for, um, for four people who, who won't look at themselves and and and think that if things work out differently elsewhere, that it's, that it has nothing to do with their actions. You know what I mean? I can, I can take, uh, wacky or whoever checking on you, for instance, is because of the energy. It's because you don't come to him with negative energy. Makes it easy for there to be a conversation. You open up. Makes it simple. That's, that's it. There's like, psychologically, there's no mystery there. Um, and, and with me as well, psychologically, there's no mystery as to why some people look at me as, you know, a competent person and a person that, you know, can get things done. And there's no mystery as, uh, to me as to why you don't see that because of the energy that I give to you. But I mean, you can't say that I've been nasty in this conversation. Well, I don't know. You, you probably, you could, you could say, you could choose to take it however you want to. I would say that I've not been nasty in this conversation, although I vehemently disagree with it. Although I vehemently don't, don't see how another person could visualize this conversation as it being an honest conversation between two people. Although I see that I, I don't see where I've been nasty. I don't see where I've been degrading. I don't see where, where I, where I didn't say anything that I tried to support with, with, with, with something tangible to some degree. I don't think that I've done that. So, um, like you said, I mean, you have a job and, you know, it's 12 o'clock and, you know, you need to get yourself. I'm not saying that I have a job and it's 12 o'clock. All I'm saying is from the start of this conversation, um, to now, um, I would have to look back on my phone to look at it, but, um, you pretty much have asked me the whole time. So I just want to know how much more time did you need to keep fashionable from the start of this conversation? I was asking you questions. From the start of this conversation, I was asking for for honest answers up front. From the start of this conversation, I, I asked a simple, I asked a simple question, which could have been a very quick response. So, so you're right. You, you can go back and replay it or have or whatever. And that's what you could do with your, the cell phone that you, um, have on that's recording stuff. You can go back and listen to some of the mysteries, um, that's been recorded when we've been at the house. But I have their own to record my sleep. Why accountability? You said I've been acting crazy in my sleep. So I go back and try to listen to myself sleeping. But I mean, but once again, that's throwing shame and insults to an honest assertion of what the conversation, how the conversation actually started. Like I said, I mean, it would have been, it would have been very simple to take accountability and say, "Yeah, I didn't, I didn't answer you up front. I wasn't honest at the jump of you asking that question." That would have been accountability. That's where I look at it and say, "Okay, Russ, shut the hell up." But no, you continue to blame me for, um, you know, calling you all kinds of names. And, you know, I mean, there are no, you know, there are no victims. I mean, I feel like I've been done wrong, terribly wrong, for for whatever reason you choose to blame me for your being able to do me wrong. But I'm not, but I'm not taking that victim mantle. I take accountability for it. I, I take full accountability for the stuff before and pertaining to this conversation or in pertaining to something else that you want to blame me for. I already above God and believe me, I understand that.

I wasn't in the streets. I was going to verify what it took me an hour to get to, just to verify. I could have been home a long time ago. So you back. You made it. I'm good, baby. I'm in Macon. So get your rest. I don't want you going to sleep, you know, being tired tomorrow, um, you know, especially in front of the crowds you're going to be around. So get some rest. Have a good day tomorrow. I wish you no ill, no ill will whatsoever. What are you talking about? I'm honestly saying that I, I don't, I don't know how you feel about this conversation. So I'm not making any assumptions towards it. I'm just telling you that I have no ill will towards you being able to accomplish what you need to accomplish. Why would I think from this conversation? You already when I left the house, enjoy yourself or blah, blah, blah, whatever it is you were saying. Okay. And I'm, I'm reaffirming that without the, um, without the negative connotation voice that was added onto it. I'm reaffirming that I want you to be successful.

And wake up tomorrow and conquer the world. And I see you when you get back. If I don't talk to you tomorrow, okay. All right. All right.