Transcription
Have you been avoiding the mirror, dodging videos with your friends, fighting for your life trying to get that perfect selfie? Maybe you weren't born with a lethal face card, but bestie, you sure as hell can build one. And get this, it'll only take a couple tweaks to get you there. And no, I'm not about to tell you to drink water and sleep more, cuz girl, that's basic human survival, not a glow-up tip. So, we're retiring that advice. And trust me, I was sculpting my face to the gods with a gouache and mewing like my life depended on it. But surprise, surprise, either nothing changed or only worked for like 3 hours. Oh my god, my Shayla. That's why I came up with five golden foolproof tips to take your face card from beautiful to straight up lethal. And believe me, you're going to want to be sat for that final tip, cuz you don't even have to touch your face for that one. And it still makes a whole of a difference. So, if you're ready to get a face card so scrumptious your friends lick the screen every single time you send them selfies, comment lethal below.
Literally, stop. Were you just about to get bangs cuz TikTok told you it would look good? Yeah, I almost fell victim to that, too. I'm telling you, the trends on TikTok are setting you up. Before jumping on the latest trends, we've got to make sure it looks good on us or else to self-sabotage. And that's why you need to know your face shape. So, as my role as Captain Savahotti, I'm going to make sure you never have to second guess if a trend is for you or not. But with Dolly, how do I know my face shape? Don't you worry, buddy. All you need is a mirror, some decent lighting, a makeup pencil, or dry erase marker. Pull your hair back and trace your face on the mirror. Yes, on the actual glass. When you step back, you'll know if you're an oval, round, square, heart, diamond, or long. And just from this alone, you'll know what hats suit you, which hairstyles do you justice, and where your blush and contour really go. And here's another nugget. If celebrities are good for anything, it's that their pics are everywhere. Find your face shape twin, and you'll literally have an idea of what looks good for you.
Okay, this one's going to sting a little, but you know that Carbonara Bulldog Ramen that everyone's obsessed with? Yeah. What if I told you it might be a reason why your face card's suffering? One package of that ramen has, please take a guess, 1,300 mg of sodium. Like, is that not absurd, guys? I used to inhale all kinds of processed foods on the daily and wondered why I was skinny with a puffy face. Turns out it wasn't my genetics. It was the Sour Patch Kids and the Takis. Okay, maybe it was the entire snack aisle. And I can go on a 9-hour rant on why processed foods are bad. But to keep it cute, they're sneaky little face card thieves wrapped in pretty packaging. They cause puffiness, breakouts, inflammation, and that "why do I look so dead even after a good night's rest" vibe. They're literally robbing you of your face card in broad daylight. And if you're American like me, then you know this better than anyone. You look to your left and you see Skittles flavored drinks, and you look to your right and see bread that's shelf stable for 6 years. And it literally doesn't help that all the good stuff costs an arm and a leg. But I'm not telling you to go full-on rabbit mode and eat kale for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Cuz let's be real, we all have our guilty pleasures. But what you can do is try swapping one thing a day. So you can put down the Hot Cheetos and go for, let's say, a bowl of strawberries. Instead of a Red Bull, you can grab some water and dress it up with some lemon and cucumber slices. These little swaps aren't just good for your health. They're literally bringing your face back to life. You get a slimmer face, brighter skin, and a clearer complexion, which of course is all part of the Lethal Face Card package. So don't sleep on the diet, y'all.
Quick. What's the first thing you look at when first meeting someone? There's only one right answer, and that's teeth. Teeth are what I like to call face card silent assassins, cuz you can literally have silky smooth hair, smell good, nice skin, perfect brows, and then you smile and see buttery yellow teeth. It's like, oh. Oh. And did we all just try those DIY teeth whitening hacks like the ones who made us mix baking soda and lemon and use it to scrub our teeth with it? Comment down guilty if you were personally victimized by that horrendous hack. If you love your teeth, please don't try those hacks. Your teeth are not kitchen tiles that you can just scrub with abrasives and expect magic. Like, that's basically asking for sensitive teeth, damaged enamel, and what do you guess? No results. Actually, I need whoever that started this to come to the front and reveal themselves cuz a lovely gel sentence is waiting for you. No, but seriously though, there's really only three safe ways to get a brighter smile. You can use a whitening toothpaste and that's killing two birds with one stone. You get fresh breath and brighter teeth. You can pop on some whitening strips and in 45 minutes or so you'll get a brighter smile just like that. Or if you're feeling rich rich, you can get them professionally clean. Just don't be surprised if you're slammed with a $500 bill. Also, I wanted to note that having slightly discolored teeth is perfectly normal. Like, if anything, you're not meant to have teeth the same shade as paper. So, yes, a bit of yellow is fine. It's human. But if there's one thing you take from this, stop rubbing charcoal and strawberries on your teeth. Save your enamel and protect your face card.
Okay, can we talk about eyebrows real quick? Because they are so criminally underrated and I promise you one small tweak will completely change your face. And if you don't believe me, I came with receipts. Angelina was already stunning, but when the brows came in, she became divine. Eyebrows frame your face. And if they're too thick, too thin, too flat, too arched, your face card is getting sabotaged before it even has a chance to shine. But the good news, brows are so fixable, especially if you know your face shape, which you do now because you've been paying attention. If they're overpowering your face, try thinning them out. I had to do that. My features are soft and kind of blend together, and bold brows had me looking like the TikTok bold glamour filter. If you're on the opposite end, invest in a brow serum. You can grow them out, fluff them up, pull a Zendaya because her eyebrows are unreal. And if shaping still feels intimidating, just brush them up with a clear gel and clean the top of it. It's minimal effort but major upgrade. Moral of the story, your eyebrows are not background characters. Get them together and your face card will thank you.
Okay. Okay. Have you guys ever seen a person, whether it be a celebrity or someone in real life, and their hair color wash them out? Like girl, your skin is warm, but you're holding on to that ash blonde hair for dear life, knowing it's sucking the life out of your skin. Knowing your undertone matters, especially for a huge commitment like dyeing your hair. So, let's break it down. If you've got warm undertones, go for golden browns, honey blondes, and auburn. If you've got cooler undertones, think ash brown, jet black, or even icy blondes. And if you're neutral, you're lucky cuz you can kind of double dabble in many kinds of colors. But let's say you've got commitment issues and can't bring yourself to dye your hair, which I get it cuz hair damage is no joke. You can go for a haircut instead. And just that alone is enough for your face card to completely transform. Story time. Because speaking of haircuts, I once tried a bob cuz it was really trendy at the time. Big mistake, y'all. It wasn't giving. But what it gave me was a mental breakdown. I'm not okay. Guys, why did I look like Lord Farquad with lash extensions? She's grown out now, but that haircut never stood a chance. My face shape and the type of bob I got are sworn enemies. But now that I know my face shape, I know which styles to go for and ones to avoid. And now you can, too. And one thing people always forget to consider when cutting their hair is their texture. A haircut that looks bomb on pin-straight hair might look chaotic on curls and vice versa. Your natural texture changes how a cut sits, how it moves, and how it forms your face. If you've got thicker curly hair, layers can stop it from becoming so flat and it gives it that extra volume. And if your hair is fine or straight, too many layers may make it look flat and sad. So before you let TikTok and Pinterest tell you to get curtain bangs, ask your mirror first. Will it suit your face shape? And will the texture of your hair make it look different? Because here's the thing, your hair isn't just your hair. It's the literal frame around your face. The color, the cut, the way it falls, it either highlights your features or it fights them. The right hair color brings out your skin tone, makes your eyes pop, and adds warmth or contrast in all the right places. In the right hair, it balances your proportions, sharpens your jawline, and can literally make your cheekbones look higher than they are. So, no, I'm not just saying get your hair done. I'm saying make your hair work for your face, not against it. That's how you take your face card from cute to absolutely criminal.
But honestly, none of this matters if you don't act like your face card is lethal. You could have the snatched brows, the glowing skin, the perfect haircut, but if you're still hiding in pictures and downplaying your beauty, you're quite literally self-sabotaging. Your face card is not just features. It's an attitude. So, even if you're still in progress, even if you're working on your skin or growing out your brows, start carrying yourself like the lethal version of you already exists because she does. As bad as it sounds, the trick is to be a teensy bit delusional about this. So, even if you don't feel pretty, act as if you are, and then how you feel will follow suit. And just like that, your face card is now officially lethal. Thank you guys so so much for watching, and don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe. And as always, stay soft, stay sweet, and I'll see you in the next.